Preeti Shenoy's Blog, page 33

What to do if a friend betrays you (blog marathon post 10)

Pedro de Sousa



Today, I received this mail from a reader. (shared with permission)

I just read your blog on friendship. 
You have always portrayed friends in a positive light... Except for the one in the novel 'tea for two and a piece of cake' .  Personally I have like the worst kind of experience when it comes to this ship 'friendship' ..  I do not know whether it is because I go out of way to help people. What would your advice be in the following situation?
I was very close to this girl.  And we became close because she was going through a bad phase in her life.  And I was always there, no matter whether I had an exam or whether I was sick.  And she never cared what I wanted.  And then finally I came to know that she used to talk bad about me....  I was very hurt.  When I confronted her she chucked it off..  I went under depression.  She now treats me like it's my fault.  I also said sorry. 
Now I guess she doesn't need me anymore. Hope you doing well with your books..  Looking forward

At some point or other, all of us have been betrayed by friends. We place all our trust in a person who we think is our good friend. Then they betray us. Sometimes they talk ill about us. Sometimes they completely stop talking to us for reasons best known to them. Sometimes they get offended and even as you  stare horrified  at how terribly your friend misinterpreted your words, they lash out at you, or worse, walk away.
No matter what you do, you can never take an 'insurance' when it comes to friendship. There are simply no safety nets.  If you open yourself out to people, you make yourself vulnerable.

Does the answer lie then in not opening yourself? No!
It's about choosing the right people as your friend.

If you are the kind of person who cannot say no to unreasonable requests from friends, I would highly recommend the book 'Don't say yes, when you want to say no' by  Herbert Fensterheim and Jean Baer. Internalise and practise the things they say in the book.

The thing about friendship is that it HAS to be a two way street. If you find yourself constantly chasing your friend, and hey are too busy for you, stop doing that. If you get a feeling of being 'used' by a friend, give he friendship some space till the friend gets the message.

I too have had friends who have talked behind my backs. For me that is a MASSIVE no-no. It is a deal breaker. I have walked away from such friendships. Cut them out of my life completely.
It's better to be alone than have friends like those.

And yes---there are always books, podcasts and your family for company.
Most importantly, learn to enjoy your own company.

Do you agree?
Do any of you have any advice for this reader? If so, please leave  do leave your thoughts in my comment box. Your words could be of solace.

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A day in my life (Blog marathon post 9)

Today was a whirlwind of a day for me. I started my day at 5.30 am.

I went for my   run/walk.(I run/walk every  single day).

Later in the morning, I met two good friends of mine, both authors, at a pub in Bangalore. We had a great time.
Right next to the pub was a wonderful little store that I discovered, which had the prettiest, cutest, the most well designed pieces for your home. I felt I was in wonderland as I explored the store.
I  couldn't resist buying  three really pretty containers, for growing Mint, Basil and Parsley. I shall share pictures, after they grow a little bit. I also bought a miniature watering can. A tiny one which is smaller than your palm!

As soon as I got back home,  my dog was waiting and I walked her. We went for a long walk. Each time she explores the same path we have walked on, thousands of times by now, we discover something new.

The one thing that I do, when I walk is listen to podcasts.  I highly recommend listening to podcasts, over listening to music , when you walk. There are several interesting podcasts out there. Some are fascinating and really make you think.

Then I took care of several work related emails. I wrote a piece for a newspaper. I gave a couple of interviews. I continued the discussion which I was having with my author friend, this time over texts.
I discovered that someone  was sly-tweeting about me, and I promptly blocked that person.
There's really no room in life for negativity or negative people.They aren't worth thinking about and you should cut them out from your life, as much as you can.

I lit the lamp at my altar, I offered my prayers. It is a ritual I follow, daily. I shall share pictures of my altar sometime. Then I went out to my garden, and tended to my vegetable garden.

After all of this, I cooked a simple dinner.

And once again,  my furry baby and I set out on another long walk. (She needs a LOT of exercise).

In between I snapchatted and instgrammed a LOT with my daughter and son, who are both abroad for college :)

Now I am going to read my book and call it a day.

How was your day? What did you do?
Tell me in my comment box. If you share I am listening.
 (Isn't it nice to peek into other's lives? I love doing that :-) )
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Five words to avoid using if you want to sound smart (blog marathon post 8)

Are there any words that you hate for absolutely no reason at all? Do you have any pet peeves when it comes to words or usages?

I do! And these are just personal idiosyncrasies. They have no logic, no reason, no rhyme. I certainly wouldn't be able to explain why I feel this way towards certain words, but I do. (poor word--it's not your fault word; We just aren't meant to be together. It's not you, it's me :-) )

Here are a few words which instantly make me  freeze the moment I hear some person use it.

1. 'Cool': I have no problems with the word Cool when it is used to describe a climatic condition (The cool breeze felt like a soft caress against my face)  or the temperature of a drink (The cool water quenches his thirst) . I also have no problems when it is used to indicate that you admire a person or a thing. (He is so cool.  You can do the headstand? That is so cool!) But I have a big problem when people use it as a response to something you said.
'I will get back to you soon.'
'Cool'.  (No--Hot! Please be a little warm and say thank you)
'I will see you tomorrow.'
'Cool'. (What cool? Say 'That would be terrific')

2. Wifey/Hubby : I see this all the time. 'Hubby' sounds like an overgrown baby. Wifey sounds like an Internet connection that's gone stale :P Now now--calm down folks. I know people who use it, use it with a lot of love. They use it as a term of endearment.  But me? Silly, eccentric me---I abhor those two words. Your 'wifey' is not "YOURS" even though you married her. She is her own person. Your 'hubby' doesn't 'belong' to you.
I know people who use it do not see it the way I see it. To me, it seems like you are trivializing a powerful relationship by reducing it to wifey-hubby. Illogical to feel this way, I know! :)   But hey, who said feelings have logic. Just a quirk of mine. You are free to use it if you so please. You may wifey your wife or hubby your husband all you like. But please don't foist it on me.

3. 'Like': Again, when you say 'I like Game of Thrones' or I like Pizza', I have no problem. But when I hear teenagers use it after every word in a sentence, or use it as a substitute to a  full stop, it annoys me big time.
'I was like you got to be kidding me bro; Dude she was like I have to tell you, and it was like...and like, like, like...and you know like....'
Please don't like. Just say what you mean!

4. "Boss/ Dawg' : Why call someone Boss?! Are they employing you and paying your salary? If you do not know their name, ask. They will love you for it. And who is a 'Dawg'?! Please!

5. Aunty: I hear this all the time, meant as a derogatory insult for women. If a woman is driving slowly, you hear a 'hey aunty'. If a woman doesn't meet up to the standards of 'hotness' inside an Indian Male's head, she is an aunty. Also I have a problem when you are above the age of ten and you call me aunty, if you do not know me. If you are a friend of my children, I would love to be your aunty. But if you are not, then please ask me what to call me. (I know so many are uncomfortable to call an elder person by their first name. Indian culture of respect and all that.) If you wish to know why I feel strongly about the word 'Aunty' you can read this piece (a favourite of mine)  by Shobha Tharoor Srinivasan.


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Two little angels (post 7 blog marathon)

A reader shared the above photograph of her two babies reading my books!!! How cute is the above?!!
I can't get over it. :)  A BIG thank you to their mother for sharing this precious, sweet, priceless moment.

Here's what she said:



Any guesses on the book names? :)

Tell me in comments.

I have to wake up tomorrow at 5.30 am, as I have to leave home to 7.00 am for something that I have at 8.00 am.
I am so tired today, I need to rest.Trust your day has been good?

Good night folks.
More tomorrow.
Love
Preeti
Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

Happy friendhsip day (blog marathon post 6)

My post for today is what I posted on Instagram. A longer post tomorrow.
Happy friendship day!
Lots of love
Preeti

A friend is one who helps you look inwards and and when you are ready to soar, is there cheering you. Happy friendship day! Hope you had a great day with your friends. I did

There's no pride in prejudice (Blog marathon post 5)

My post for today is my column in the Financial Chronicle.

Read it HERE

Hope you have had a great Saturday.
 Here's a picture I posted from my day today, on my Instagram.

Follow four things in life. 1. Be kind 2. Be grateful 3. Avoid that which makes you unhappy 4. Find joy in small things And you will find that Life is Beautiful . Have a great weekend!A post shared by Preeti Shenoy (@preeti.shenoy) on Aug 5, 2017 at 1:55am PDT

 

See you tomorrow folks! 
Happy weekend!

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 check out my books: http://preeti.io/amazon
 

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http://preetishenoy.com/

Try your hand at growing something (post 4 blogmarathon)

This morning I harvested red globe radish from my organic terrace garden.  I have never eaten radishes that fresh, and that delicious.

For those of you who want to know more, here are two links for you.
This link tells you about how I first started a garden--and how i failed miserably.

 http://blog.preetishenoy.com/2014/07/blog-marathon-time-again-post-1-organic.html

This one tells you about how to start one yourself, even if you have a teeny weeny balcony, you can grow so much stuff!

http://blog.preetishenoy.com/2015/01/on-starting-organic-terrace-garden.html

Enjoy!

Till tomorrow, be cheerful and may there be peace in your heart.

____________________________________________
Check out my books: http://preeti.io/amazon
Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

Writing tips for beginners (post 3 blog marathon)

 I got the above mail yesterday. (The mail is shared with permission). I want to tell all of you, that I reply personally to all my mails, and I haven't hired an assistant to do so. Even though I get many mails like these, each and every nice mail I get, I hoard like a squirrel, during my dark writing days.
When I am down, mails like the above pep me up.
If you want to write to me, my email id is ps(at)preetishenoy(dot)com
However,  also want to clarify that if you are writing, asking me to read what you have written, I would politely point you to this post.

Photo by Simson Petrol on Unsplash Today, I got a mail from a reader who  after praising my books and writing, asked me these questions, about writing, as this person wants to write a books.
I thought I would share my answers in a blog post, as I get asked these questions over and over.

1)What should be my approach as a beginner?
 The first thing would be to read. Read everything you can lay your hands on. Read different genres. Read, read, read.Then, write every single day.  Write a blog post/a dairy entry/ a story/a poem or even a paragraph. But WRITE!

2)Have you had any literature course to elevate your skills?should I take any correspondence literature course?
Yes,  many years ago, I did a creative writing course from The British Institutes. I don't know if they offer it any more. But there are a whole lot of universities like MIT which offer FREE creative writing courses. Please google and you are sure find many.However, merely doing a course will never make you a writer. At best you may learn  techniques for the craft which is important. It is just like how doing a cooking-course will not make you a great cook!  What you need is to write, write and write.
3) I work at IT industry so how I should balance my time schedule to leverage it for my career?You make time for things which are most important to you. Please read this post  I wrote on making time for things that matter to you. Within that post , there is a link of time management.

4) Being kiddish ,will my looks affect my career because I am not so beautiful[image error]

Two easy things to do to improve your relationship (Post two blog marathon)

                                                                            Photo by Todd DeSantis on Unsplash  
Every morning, my mother sends me a good morning message. Sometimes they are photos she clicked. Of familiar objects in her house, of a familiar road in her village in Kerala, a tree where we used to sit talking, a flower which bloomed in her garden. Each image evokes a myriad memories and a nostalgic feeling so deep, I ache for beautiful Kerala.

Sometimes she sends a message, a forward that she found interesting. Today she had sent one with the picture of a Buddha, and it read "Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in your life and your behaviour decides who stays in your life.'

I replied back to her saying sometimes it is their behaviour. That people leave for no reason, even though you did nothing. There are other things going on inside their head. Things you don't comprehend, because they have not shared it with you, for reasons known only to them.

Even the closest of friends may hold back many things. This might be because of the way that other person behaved in the past, or because of some insecurity that if you shared this then it might lead to an outcome you want to avoid.

A relationship thrives best on openness. Many a time, in a close relationship such as a marriage or a relationship with deep commitment, the couple learns how to 'tip-toe' around the other, being careful not to press the 'trigger points'. Issues get swept away.

Not talking about it, will not make the problem go away. It only builds up resentment deep down. if the other person is non-confrontational, they quietly walk away, leaving you puzzled, wondering what you did wrong.

I talked to my mother about it, later in the day,via a phone call. She said 'We cannot change other, Preeti. The best is to focus on things which make us happy.'

She is right.
If you have a committed relationship, think about it. Think about what you are holding back, and how best you could express it.

And after you are done, go do one thing that makes you happy today. Only if you are happy can you make the other person happy.

Tell me in comments what you did.

And come back tomorrow for a new post.

_____________________________________
If you like my blog, then you will love my books. Check them out: http://preeti.io/amazon
Grab It's All In The Planets: http:/preeti.io/3
http://preetishenoy.com/

Does your friendship pass the 5 C test? (blog marathon post 1)

Jenelle Ball

Hi there!

Thank you for joining me on yet another journey of a blog marathon. People who read this blog regularly will know that I do these blog marathons (a term I coined) from time to time. It means I will post every single day, for the next 30 days.
Some people think that I have already written 30 posts and I just copy paste them! No, I don't!
Each post is written fresh, crisp and delivered from my laptop to your inbox. Daily.

So if you have subscribed after seeing my facebook/twitter posts,  a warm welcome. And for the old readers---a big  warm happy welcome too.
The big news from my end is that I won 'Indian of the Year Award.'
It was covered extensively by the media and hence I will not go into details. You can click on the above link to know more or you can check out my facebook photos.


I am always grateful to all of you, for the love and support you show me. I feel motivated and inspired by the emails that you guys write me, the comments you leave me and the encouragement that you give me. A big thank you to all of you.











My best friend called a little while ago, and it made me think about friendships. I am blessed to have some amazing people who are my closest friends. A lot of times, I get asked this question: Are the friendships that you depict in books possible in real life?
I can vouch for it--yes, they are very much possible, and yes they exist. I have been BLESSED with some great friendships, but here's the thing: It has taken me YEARS to develop them. Over the years, one learns to separate the grain from the chaff. And it is only when we are faced with adversities do we know ho our true friends are.When you are fine, and when things are going great for you, then everybody wants to be your friend.But when the tide turns, there will only be very few who get your back.
In this day and age of social media, it is easy to be a 'fake friend' or an 'absent friend' if I had to use a kinder term..  By fake friend I mean the ones who show their friendship by commenting an 'aww' and 'hang in there' if you have shared a status update of something that didn't go well for you. Real friends turn up at your home and do stuff with you to cheer you up.
I am not implying that all the social media commentators are 'fake friends' or 'absent friends'. But a friendship on social media is all about taking 15 seconds to type out something, before the next status update or a buzzfeed video catches your eye.
Here are five things  which are a must if you want to develop true friendships:
1. Communicate: Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. A friendship is no different. I have good friends who are scattered in various parts of the world. But we communicate via emails, phone-calls and instant messages. We know what is happening in each other's lives.   Sometimes, we may go for weeks without communicating, but then we always make it a point to catch up. I recently received a lovely hand-written letter from one of my British friends in the UK. It made my day. Today I completed my hand-written reply and will be mailing it tomorrow. The forgotten art of letter-writing! It works wonders. Try it!

2. Connect: There has to be a deep  connection between you. Else no matter what you do, the friendship will not survive. At times, this deep connect that you feel, might be one-sided. You might be chasing your friend constantly but the friend may not be responsive to you. It is possible that they are going through something messy in their lives, which they want to sort out. Be patient. If there is a deep connect, they will come back.

3. Consistent: A good friendship is consistent. You are there for the other person, no matter what. It is not conditional. If you have this in your friendship, you can be certain that it will survive.
4. Change:  We change every single day. Life throws us challenges daily. We react to them. Sometimes we bend, sometimes we stand strong, and sometimes we yield. We are not the person we were yesterday. Change is the only thing which is constant in life. A good friendship recognizes this, and it changes with time. One of my closest friendships (We have been there for each other since we were 10!) has seen these changes in us, and it is still going strong, simply because we have recognised these changes.
5. Care: There are two kinds of caring. One is where you want your friend around, because you want them as a 'support' for yourself. Perhaps your friend is a good listener and you are utilising this all the time. Perhaps your friend makes you laugh and  you remember them when you need a laugh. The second kind of caring is when you stick around even when your friend is grumpy, annoyed, irritated and has nothing much to offer you. You stick around because you care deeply. No friendship can survive unless both care for each other deeply.


New post tomorrow.Till then, be thankful for your true friendships.LovePreeti
ps: leave me comments please! Tell me what you thing, tell me about your friendships. ____________________________________________
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