Minda Webber's Blog, page 3
August 13, 2014
Tips for marrying a vampire (from book Manners for Vampires, Zombies, Werewolves and other assorted Monsters)
Make no mistake, the easiest marital time you’ll have in being a vampire’s spouse is when they are staked or asleep in their coffins.
1. They throw dirt instead of rice at the wedding.
2. You can’t honeymoon in Hawaii, especially on the beach – talk about sunburn.
3. They are prejudiced against the Dutch, especially anyone with the last name Van Helsing. So forget going to Holland for your honeymoon.
4. They are at times invertible gamblers, staking their fortune on the turn of a card or the flap of a bat’s wing.
5. They like to hang from the chandeliers, which unfortunately, plays havoc with the lights.
6. Be prepared to pick up his cape draped over some piece of furniture or his socks, which are probably filthy (cemetery dust).
7. When the honeymoon is over and he yells “We aren’t having B for supper again!” Hurry your Aunt Bea outside and let him try your cousin Eunice instead.
July 9, 2014
Why dating a vampire can be bloody frustrating
1. You have to give up Italian food (all that garlic).
2. If you find yourself on Lovers Lane and start necking in the car, the last part of your night will be spent getting a blood transfusion (not the best way to end a date).
3. Playing with dirt and making mud pies as a child is cute, but playing with your boyfriend’s coffin dirt is just plain tacky.
4. Watching the sunrise with a vampire as the perfect end to your evening, will be less than perfect. Need I mention fire trucks, emergency personnel or a janitor to sweep up your sweetie’s remains of the day?
May 12, 2014
A book of Monster Manners
Manners for Vampires, Zombies, Werewolves and other assorted Monsters is just finished. It is on Amazon books and Kindle at Amazon. Please let me know what you think.
Things your mother didn’t tell you, your father would have frowned upon and your friends giggled about. For the first time in print, here it is, the human being guide to monster manners. Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about manners in the paranormal community. What to cook for your favorite zombie and not be on the menu. How to yank a ghost’s chain to get his attention and what to bring to the Wicked Witch of the West’s birthday party; hint – it isn’t Dorothy.
So the next time you are invited into the rare world of the supernatural, you’ll know how to behave after reading this informative book. It might just save you embarrassment, heartache, and a rabies shot.
February 5, 2014
What to do with a Ghost
1. Act scared when they are moving or throwing things (even if it’s cotton-balls)
2. When ghosts are turning on and off your lights-show them your electric bill
3. When ghosts are crying offer them a handkerchief (they prefer those with initials)
4. When apparitions are moaning or groaning, show them the Playboy channel
5. When the spooks are rattling their chains, offer to polish them
January 29, 2014
Don’t do this at a Witches’ party
1. Never insult a witch, you could be turned into a frog
2. (Number 1 leads to this one) Don’t eat the frog legs-you might be eating someone you know
3. Skip the punchbowl-unless you like eye of newt or bat wings, etc.
4. If some witch asks how you clean your kitchen floor, say a mop or vacum-they are touchy about using brooms for such menial labor
5. Avoid any witch discussing magic spells with a twitching nose
January 28, 2014
Don’t do this with a werewolf
1. Dress up as a tree for Halloween or a fire hydrant
2. Give him your cheek to kiss, he might take out your neck
3. Necking is definitely out
4. Throw a stick (makes them mad-insults their dignity)
5. Invite them in on your white carpet on a rainy day
6. If they try to hump your leg-well, let them
January 8, 2014
Dark Lover
As shadows fly and night falls,
Troubles ease and darkness calls.
The dark covers the light, turning it gray,
Leaving only memories of the day,
It is then, the night wind calls my name,
Over and over- such a haunting refrain.
He is out there waiting for me.
But what he wants just can’t be.
January 6, 2014
Old Long Syne Van Helsing
Should old vampires be forgot, and never thought upon, their flames extinguished by a vampire hunter, they are way past done and gone.
It is true that vampires hearts grow cold, in that blood-thirsty breast of thine. Thou can not ever reflect your face in the mirrors, and that’s how old long Syne Van Helsing gets you ever time.
December 31, 2013
Nature’s Wonders 3 Elephants and Gazelle
Made from wood I found in Sedona, Az
Adorable Bear Cub/Made by nature and me
Nature’s Wonders Bear Cub on Manzanita Bush
