Minda Webber's Blog, page 9

Top 4 Paranormal Picks for Zombies

Why you never, ever date a zombie.

1.  I mean, come on, their fashion sense is just plain tacky

2.  Not much of a conversationalist

3.  They never, ever floss

4.  They don’t like chocolate

Spartagus & Stupidity

I’ve been watching Spartagus since the beginning season.  I have read about Spartagus, and I watched the old movie with Kirk Douglas at least five times.  So I know what happens to them.  Yet, Friday night when they got in big trouble, I found myself saying over and over, they are going to die!  True, I knew this beforehand, but Friday I sat there staring at the TV and almost crying because people I knew where going to die going in, are going to die this season.  I didn’t take it well.  Talk about stupidity.  I feel like a moron.  As you can tell I don’t like the characters or animals to die.  I’m still traumatized over Bambi’s mother getting shot and Old Yeller, and that was decades ago.

Top six paranormal picks for Thursday

Why you shouldn’t date a werewolf.

1.  This is easy…you can get fleas

2.  Talk about a bad hair day

3.  You can never introduce them to your grandmother (remember little Red Riding Hood)

4  They shed hair, and you end up looking like your wearing a hair shirt (and that went out in the Middle Ages)

5  Their bark is really not near as bad as their bite (Think an American Werewolf in Paris)

6.  And last, but not least….how about that doggie breath first thing in the morning

Top three paranormal picks

Why you shouldn’t date a vampire.

1.  You have to give up Italian food (all that garlic)

2.  If you find yourself on Lovers Lane and start necking in the car, the last part of your night will be spent getting a blood transfusion (not the best way to end a date)

3. Playing with dirt and making mud pies as a child is cute, but playing with your boyfriend’s coffin dirt is just plain tacky

The Fairy Tales of Romance

Today’s fairy tales, I believe, are the romance novels.  Someone meets someone so spectacular that the man is almost unreal…he’s handsome, strong, rich, generous, kind, gentle, romantic, understanding, brave and with a butt like a granite rock and don’t forget the abs.  He never sits on the couch, hogging the remote, watching football and drinking beer and farting.  This perfect man helps us with dinner and the dishes with a rose in his teeth, which he presents to us with a smile, wearing nothing else.  (Of course, the kids are at the in-laws).  Afterwards he doesn’t fall into the sleep of the dead, snore to wake the dead and steal the covers, leaving us freezing to death.  No, our fairy tale prince, cuddles us and tells us how amazing we are and how beautiful (he doesn’t see the gray hair or the wrinkles around the eyes).  We, of course, eat it up along with the chocolate covered strawberries he has prepared.  This Prince Charming sweeps us off our feet on his white charger or Jeep or BMW, depending on one’s own fairy tale preference.  The prince would also slay our dragons, like the repairman who speaks Greek and charges like the Romans when talking about our broken commode, if we would let him.  But we are are emancipated and thus, must fight our dragons alone.  Still, it’s nice to know that there is a dragon slayer nearby if you need one.  Anyway, in the romance novel all’s well that ends well.  Happy endings, like the Fairy tale where they ride off into the sunset to the castle surrounded by roses.  Here’s to Fairy Tales…….to pure escapism and great writing.  Where would we be if we didn’t believe in forever after and romance and love and a great ending?  The end.

Really, who was Jack the Giant Killer?

1.  A mountain climber with a seriously bad sense of direction

2.  A gold miner who took the north to Alaska Route by  going  north on Bean and Vine (he started out in Hollywood) and got lost with his head in the clouds

3.  A seriously disturbed young man who was giant-a-phobic

Top Three Paranormal List for Werewolves

Why do werewolves howl at the moon?

1.  They are really singing “That’s Amore” in Italian.  (Italians know this)

2.  They think the moon is a big fire hydrant in the sky and can’t reach it.

3.   Boys just want to have fun, even if they big sharp teeth and furry faces.

Paranormal Top Three List

Why don’t vampires have maid service?

1.  They don’t want their native soil in their coffin swept away

2.  The vacuum cleaner wakes them up

3.  They hate getting their blood supply in the refrigerator switched to tomato juice

Hard winter in Sedona

I was driving from the coast of Oregon to get back to Sedona. Two days and a half driving off and on black ice. The world was glacial, blue ice streaming from the trees, ghost-white mist and so much snow that it covered everything like big white marsh-mellows. It was a world of white and silence, almost no cars on the road. That tells you something about my common sense…that I have little to none. My two cats were with me and I had decided that the box the vet gave me didn’t have enough air holes. I enlarged them. They, of course, escaped. One went over my head, the other up my chest just as I hit a big patch of ice.

I called it a day and went to a hotel, who only had 2 queen beds left. The next morning I was leaving, I realized I was a cat short. My fat cat loves to nap in box springs. Yep, you guessed it. I tore apart the first bed and surprise…she wasn’t there. She was in the next queen sized bed box springs.  A day later we arrived in Sedona. I kissed the ground…literally. It had been a wild, beautiful, harrowing experience. I snapped this picture when I got to the house.

Hackers!!!

My account was hacked into last month and they messed stuff up and messed up my publishing account.  I finally got it corrected, but it took a bit of time and effort.  It’s frustrating and confusing.  Why do people do this?  How would these hackers feel, if someone did this to them?  

Anyway, they are back.  Two days ago they went and wiped out my records on all my books and my sisters at our publishing house.  My books are gone as if they never existed. Writing a book is a labor of love, frustration, creative energy and hard work…a lot of hard work.  To put it up to get it self published is a lot of hard work and it takes some time to do it.  Especially if you are from the Dark Ages in computer knowledge like I am.  So it takes me a really long time.  And now someone has destroyed it for some reason, I don’t even know.  I am so sad and disappointed that this is happened.  I just don’t understand people anymore.  My gosh, I sound a thousand years old, but then today I feel like I am.  Thanks for listening to me vent.