Tips for marrying a vampire (from book Manners for Vampires, Zombies, Werewolves and other assorted Monsters)

Make no mistake, the easiest marital time you’ll have in being a vampire’s spouse is when they are staked or asleep in their coffins.

1. They throw dirt instead of rice at the wedding.

2. You can’t honeymoon in Hawaii, especially on the beach – talk about sunburn.

3. They are prejudiced against the Dutch, especially anyone with the last name Van Helsing. So forget going to Holland for your honeymoon.

4. They are at times invertible gamblers, staking their fortune on the turn of a card or the flap of a bat’s wing.

5. They like to hang from the chandeliers, which unfortunately, plays havoc with the lights.

6. Be prepared to pick up his cape draped over some piece of furniture or his socks, which are probably filthy (cemetery dust).

7. When the honeymoon is over and he yells “We aren’t having B for supper again!” Hurry your Aunt Bea outside and let him try your cousin Eunice instead.