Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 700

No cutting

A friend of mine was re-telling the following story last night to a group of our mutual friends, and I agreed to re-post the story here.  The incident occurred about eighteen months ago as my wife and I were moving into our new home. 

For the record, my wife cannot stand it when people cut in line.  It's her biggest pet peeve. I have watched her castigate little old ladies who were dragging around walkers and oxygen tanks when they cut into line.  it's quite a sight to behold. 

This...

Carl Linnaeus is rolling over in his grave

Have you ever noticed the Petco sign?

Note the tag line beneath the store name.

Supplies (dot) Fish & Grooming.

How did the geniuses who designed this sign rationalize this choice and separation of words?

Let's start with the word Supplies.  Isn't this sort of obvious?  Did the executives at Petco think that consumers might assume that the store sells animals but absolutely nothing else pertaining to the care of these pets?

Fish but no fish tanks?

Hamsters but no wheels?

Birds but...

I love this quote

"I'm proud of you, Mom. You're like Christopher Columbus. You discovered something millions of people knew about before you." –Lisa Simpson

No neck

As some of you may know, I am universally acknowledged as having no neck.  My head literally sits atop my shoulders.

While it hasn't bothered me very much, my friend sent me this, from the Word of the Day website, which cheered me up quite a bit.

WORD

argal

MEANING:

conjunction, adverb: Therefore.

ETYMOLOGY:

By alteration of the Latin ergo (therefore). The word argal is usually used to indicate that the reasoning presented is ludicrous.

USAGE:

"Mr. Barbecue-Smith was a short and...

A 17 to 10 ratio

If you haven't ever read haiku, other than in an elementary classroom where the emphasis tends to be on the faulty 5-7-5 syllabic construction, allow me to recommend a deep dive into this form of Japanese poetry. 

Well written haiku is wonderful.  One of my students wrote a haiku this week that was simply brilliant.  So funny and so full of joy.  One of the best three lines of poetry I've read all year. 

The following, however. is not a great haiku.  My wife and I saw this poster in a...

In need of a vigilante

In CHICKEN SHACK, the book I am on the verge of finishing at any second, my protagonist, Wyatt Salem, is a bit of a vigilante, enacting revenge on members of the public for petty crimes like parking in a handicapped zone and minor annoyances like poorly placed trees on golf courses.  He spends his life ever watchful for opportunities to put his spiteful, clever powers to use, and he does so behind the curtain of anonymity. 

The whole book is a bit of wishful thinking on my part.  While I...

Better in my belly than on television

There are two kinds of people in the world:

People who watch the Food Network and me.

At least that's what it seems.

Why do I constantly find myself in a conversation in which the participants are gushing over some woman named Gelato and complaining about the amount of butter that a woman named Paula Dean uses in her recipes?

Are cooking show so compelling as to draw viewers from across my friendship spectrum?

Someone please explain.

Walking display racks

I've been thinking a lot about jewelry as of late.

Here's my line of thinking:

Jewelry serves three possible purposes:

1. It enhances the appearance of the person wearing the items.

2. It's an opportunity to flaunt expensive belongings and signal wealth and prestige.

3. It's a conveyance of memory, tradition or and nostalgia.

As for the third purpose, the conveyance of memory, tradition, or nostalgia, this seems to make the most sense to me. Your great grandmother passes down an...

Simple and brilliant

Not guilty

I was recently barraged with questions about my mention of being arrested for a crime that I did not commit in a recent post entitled Litany of Addresses.  Apparently people want to know. 

I had written about the incident years ago for a college writing class and dug it up, cleaned it up, and have posted it here today.

___________________________________________

When I was 19 years old, I was arrested and tried for a crime that I did not commit. While managing a McDonald's in Bourne...