Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 697

Peeing was never so fun

I'm not sure which of these is more bizarre:

The Stadium Pal, made famous by a David Sedaris essay, which allows men to urinate without a restroom through the use of an external catheter and a collection bag that straps onto the calf, and it's equally ugly sister, the Stadium Gal, "a Female Urinary Pouch.  At the bottom of the pouch is a Convenience Drain that connects to the leg bag system (worn on the inner calf). It is one size fits all and is cut to fit one's needs. Pouch stays in place...

Making my own karma

I may still be sick, but I can still be a jerk when the need arises. 

After a visit to the doctor today (where I was stuck with needles three times before they managed to draw blood), I headed to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription that the doc had called in for me.  I had thought about using the drive-thru when I arrived, but after being scolded by the nurses for allowing myself to become dehydrated (and thus having no veins), I decided to go inside and buy some Gatorade as well.

The...

This could not be more accurate

What is an alternative lifestyle anymore?

Okay, I like The Spin Cycle Cafe, a combination cafe, bar and laundromat in town.  My newest book, CHICKEN SHACK, which I am in the process of finishing and selling, features a combination funeral home and fried chicken stand, so I like the combination-location idea a lot. 

And I've written about The Spin Cycle Cafe before in rather glowing terms.  

So when I saw their tweet advertising The Spin Cycle Cafe's Alternative Lifestyle Night, I was pleased. 

"Great!  They're forward...

Cell phones make for more creative writing

Over the past three days, as I've suffered from the most unholy of stomach viruses (losing eleven pounds in the process), I've spent a great deal of time lying on the couch, watching old, bad movies like Planes, Trains and Automobiles.  As a result, I've reached the following conclusion:

With the advent of the cellular telephone, writers, especially in comedy, have been forced to become more creative, and as a result, movies and television are better today.

The classic situation-comedy in...

Its a sewing accomplishment

Grasping for straws only makes you and your cause appear more pathetic.

Case in point: I was listening to the Stuff You Missed in History Class podcast, and the topic was Did Betsy Ross actually design the first flag?

Based upon the historical evidence, it is doubtful that she did.

But normally clear-headed podcast host Candice Keener had apparently been consumed by her feminist side for this podcast, declaring that she was upset that Betsy Ross's place in history was begin challenged...

No secrets required

A quote from Nora Ephron, via her mother: When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you. But when you tell people that you slipped on a banana peel, it's your laugh, so you become the hero, rather than the victim, of the joke.

I love this. Obviously she is speaking to the idea that it's better to have people laugh with you than laugh at you, but I think there's more here. It also speaks to this:

Transparency.

A willingness to live in the open.

The blessed degradation of...

A radish?

I was at a birthday party with my daughter on Saturday, flying solo.  My wife was not feeling well, so she remained at home.

At one point I was sitting at my friend's kitchen table, feeding Clara crackers and cheese.  Then I saw a platter of fruits and vegetables.

"Oh look," I said.  "Apple slices.  You love apples."

My daughter had eaten about half a dozen before a kind, young lady sitting nearby informed me that the apples that my daughter was eating were actually radishes. 

...

Say no to Fiji

Please, everyone, stop drinking Fiji water. 

Please.

At a recent conference on water scarcity and climate change, participants were offered Fiji water.

Jen Phillips of Mother Jones writes:

Fiji, need we remind you, is an island where water supplies are scarce and locals have struggled to find clean, reliable supplies of drinking water. Meanwhile, Fiji Water owns the rights to the island's largest underground aquifer, drawing water into its diesel-fueled factory and bottling it using...

It should not be this hard

If you're not going with the traditional Men and Women signifiers, you've got to get it right.

Mother and Dad?

Not Mother and Father?  Or Mom and Dad?

I'm thinking of launching a website that solicits photos of the signifiers that are restaurants use on their restroom doors.  The stupid ones, I mean.

Thoughts?