Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 673

Knock! Knock!

For the third time this week, I have found myself in a single-person public restroom, door locked, conducting my business, when someone attempts to open the door, discovers it locked, and then knocks.

Who are these people?

When you encounter a restroom door that is locked, what goes through these moron's heads?

I wonder who is in there.
Maybe he will let me join him.
Perhaps he isn't aware that I am waiting.
Knocking is fun.

In response to these morons and their...

The backhanded compliment bio

Last night's appearance at Posman Books in Chelsea Market went well, and the turnout was terrific.  Anytime a bookseller must drag out more chairs and offer stools to a standing-room audience, you feel good.   

And last night marked the debut of my new author bio, read by the bookseller as part of her introduction of me.  She asked if there was something on the Random House website that she might use, and though I'm sure there is something (yup, there is), I told her about my recent bio...

Contest runner-up #2

Cheryl Harris entered my biography contest with this entry, which I adore, perhaps a little too much.

Since author bios are ordinarily assumed to have been written in part by the author, this one was simply too self-congratulatory for my purposes.

I feared that I would sound like a pompous ass.

But I appreciate the sentiments expressed here and will save this bio for a day when my characters refuse to behave, my plot is unwinding and my authorial doubts begin to consume my thoughts.

...

Name your kid after me or dont. No middle ground.

I don't understand people who think that naming their child after a grandparent or other relative only requires the use of the first letter in the name.

"My son's name is Mason. He's named after his great uncle Mortimer."

"We're naming her Piper after my grandmother Patty-Sue."

There are people who abide by this logic.  A lot of them.

I once met a woman named Cara who claimed to be named after her grandmother Clara.  I wanted to tell her that if her parents really wanted to name her...

Im a hipster

In a character analysis of Eric Cartman from South Park, NPR's Susan Stamberg played a famous rant from the foul mouthed cartoon boy.

She then said, "If you don't recognize this voice, then you probably aren't a male ages 18-24."

Suddenly I felt very hip and cool, youthful and cutting-edge.   No, Susan Stamberg, I'm not 18-24, but I know damn well who that boy is.  

Knowing that my wife could have identified the voice with equal certainty made me feel even better still.

The Page 69 Test

Marshall McLuhan recommends that the book browser turn to page 69 of any book and read it. If you like that page, buy the book. It works.

Following this theory, I have written a guest post for the blog The Page 69 Test, as it pertains to UNEXPECTEDLY, MILO. 

Surprisingly, even though page 69 of my book is only half a page of text, it passes the the Page 69 Test quite well.

It seems like pandering, but I swear its not. Shes not angry at me nor have I done anything stupid as of late.

I was programming my DVR to record the upcoming season of Hard Knocks, the behind-the-scenes look at an NFL training camp.  As I was finishing up, Elysha walked into the room and said, "Oh good.  That's the NFL show we watched last year.  Right?"

That's right.  My wife watches Hard Knocks with me.  And she looks forward to it.

Moreover, and more important, she is not the kind of wife who proclaims that her enjoyment of football is derived from looking at the players' butts or staring into...

It seems like pandering, but I swear its not. Shes not angry at me nor have I done anything stupid as of late.

I was programming my DVR to record the upcoming season of Hard Knocks, the behind-the-scenes look at an NFL training camp.  As I was finishing up, Elysha walked in the room and said, "Oh good.  That's the NFL show we watched last year.  Right?"

That's right.  My wife watches Hard Knocks with me.  And she looks forward to it.

Moreover, and most important, she is not the kind of wife who proclaims that he enjoyment of football is derived from looking at the players' butts or staring into Tom...

Based upon Kings estimation, Im a huge success!

Stephen King, in ON WRITING, writes:

If you expect to succeed as a writer, rudeness should be the second to least of your concerns. The least of all: polite society and what it expects. If you intend to write as truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered anyway.

Sometimes a book can speak directly to your heart.

Nonconforming, subversive wife

My wife is much less of a conformist than people think, and sometimes she can be downright subversive.  The only real difference between her and me is that she manages to fly below he radar, using wit, grace and subtlety to mask her nonconforming views.

I tend to be more of a blunt, brainless stick.

In recently trying to convince someone of this nonconformist streak in my wife, I related this story:

A couple years ago, a friend's son was getting baptized.  Elysha and I attended the...