Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 669

A little baby becomes a little kid

I write a daily blog directed to my daughter that I began on the day we learned that Elysha was pregnant.  The address is greetingslittleone.com. 

Recently, I wrote a post that garnered some attention from readers, and a few emailed me and suggested that I post it here as well, since this is where most of my readers and followers typically land. 

Here it is":

_______________________________________

I still think of you as my little baby, little one.

But sometimes I look at you, like...

Embodiment of their teacher

As my school year begins, so does the process of preparing for my twelfth year of Shakespeare. The preparation for the yearly production is remarkably hard work for myself and the students, and for much of the process, I hate myself for even attempting such a difficult endeavor.  But when my students perform the play for the parents, and children are speaking, shouting, emoting the words of Shakespeare, I am reminded about how much I love the end result and the learning that has taken place...

Go home.

I don't understand the people who hang out in the gas station convenience stores, lingering by the counter, engaging the employees in mindless, inane chatter between customers.

Please tell me that you know who I'm talking about.

These are the idiots who are nearly (but not quite) blocking your path to the counter every time you approach the cash register with a gallon of milk and a Snickers bar. They are not quite in your way, but they are occupying space that you could have used had they...

Bested by Best Western

Sometimes I find myself caught in a moment that could appear in one of my books someday.

I'm parked at the Best Western in Troy, New York.  I just finished my appearance at Market Block Books, and as expected, my car won't start.  The starter has been giving me trouble, and I already had to call a tow truck earlier that morning to help me pop-start the car at a Marriot in Albany.

Thankfully, the car has a standard transmission. 

I've parked in such a way to make it easy to roll the car...

Remembering 9/11

I was teaching my third graders when my classroom phone rang around 9:00.  It was my ex-wife, calling to tell me that a plane had hit the Word Trade Center.  She said that it was likely a commuter plane, but if I had some free time, I might want to turn on the news. 

"All the networks are covering the story," she said.

It was 2001 and I did not own a cell phone.  Though the Internet was up and running, it was not nearly as ubiquitous as it is today.  My ex-wife knew that in those days...

Independence trumps heat

When I was twelve years old, I moved into a partially finished, unheated room in the basement.

I moved into the room without my parent's knowledge.

For years, I had been sharing an upstairs bedroom with my brother and step-brother, begging my parents to allow me to claim the damp, musty, frigid room in the basement as my own. Considering the lack of amenities, my parents sensibly refused me permission, so I finally took matters into my own hands.

During a weekend in early January, my...

Not funny

I sat behind an old Hungarian woman at dinner tonight, listening to her complain to her friends that all the good jokes are gone because of this "goddamn political correctness."

"I used to be so funny," she said. "But now I can't use my Polish jokes, my Italian jokes, my Jewish jokes. I can't even make fun of my own people. I've got my head stuffed with jokes that I can't even use anymore. This world is ridiculous!"

It must be tough to get old and watch the world change around you.

I...

Dental nerd

I told the doctor that I exercise daily and don't drink, don't smoke and have never even experimented with an illegal drug.

"And I floss every day," I added.

"No one flosses every day," he said.

"Actually, he does," Elysha said from the other side of the room.

The doctor paused, looked at me for a moment, and then turned to Elysha and said, "God… why did you marry him?"

I instantly went from very feeling pretty good about myself to feeling like the king of the nerds. 

I am who I am

In the midst of a recent discussion on conformity, religion, clothing, and parenting (I know, quite a combination), I was told by someone significantly older than me that my idealism, my lack of conformity and my overall bullish nature will give way to pragmatism, conservatism and conventionality as I get older.

I will be forty years old next year.  How old do I have to be before I can officially be declared fully baked?  An idealist for life?  A perpetual non-conformist?  A frequent...

What will our ancestors think?

There's so much to say about this product.

So much.

Let's begin with the fact that someone thought that this was a good idea. 

A golf club designed to hold a player's urine. 

The ad copy reads:

How many times has this happened?  You're playing 18 holes with your best buddies, drinking sport-"ades", water, beer, etc. You're coming up to the 3rd hole with no rest room in sight. There are no trees or bushes around and you just have to go, what are you going to do?

Actually, this has...