Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 609
June 3, 2011
Little boy with big words
There have been many inspirational speeches throughout history.
Knute Rockne's "One for the Gipper" speech
The Saint Crispin's Day speech from Shakespeare's Henry V (which sounds surprisingly like the speech that the President gives before the final battle against the aliens in Independence Day)
Winston Churchill's address to the House of Commons following the evacuation at Dunkirk
Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech
And now this. Unnamed boy's speech upon learning to ride a bicycle:
EMBED-Kid Gives Speech After Learning To Ride A Bike - Watch more free videos
June 2, 2011
Shame on you, humanity
I lived through a time when cell phones were so new, so expensive and such status symbols that fake cell phones were bought by people who wanted to be able to drive around and be seen talking on a phone.
I was pretty sure at the time that it was the beginning of the End of Days.
My life in Sesame Street terms
At first I loved Ernie because there was no Elmo to love and my brother was most definitely a Bert.
My brother could have been the prototype for Bert.
My brother might have been Bert in disguise.
Then I fell in love with Oscar the Grouch.
And I still love him to this day, though Elmo is making serious inroads now that I have a daughter.
The two are essentially competing for my soul.
That, in a Sesame Street nutshell, has been the trajectory of my life.
June 1, 2011
Staying busy instead of sleeping
In addition to lying about a poopy diaper and calling for help from her various plastic friends, my daughter likes to spend the time in her crib wisely.
Rather than taking a nap, here is how she spent part of today:
Old school with a fever
When my daughter was an infant, it was not uncommon for her to fall asleep atop my wife. It happened almost every day at one point or another.
But that hasn't happened in a long time, and Clara has reached the point that she likes her crib and asks to be put inside it at night.
As a result, we suspected that those days of napping atop Elysha might be over.
Then Clara got sick last weekend, and while I was out playing 18 holes of golf, Elysha remained home to take care of our baby.
And this happened:
Cute. Right?
Elysha thought so, too.
During the first hour of the nap.
Then she was reminded that a napping baby lying across your chest can quickly become more of an endurance sport as the minutes tick away and become hours.
Trapped in the chair with no one home to help, things can get difficult.
Somewhere around hour #2 of the nap, I received this text while on the golf course:
Elysha: I'm thirsty!
And then this:
Elysha: Should I drink this?
Accompanied by this photo:
And then:
Elysha: Hmmm….
And then:
Elysha: Drank it.
Desperate measures for a desperate woman.
In fact, there were quite a few days when I felt similarly trapped, and when (despite its sheer level of disgustingness) I would have happily strapped on a Stadium Pal in order to avoid the extreme discomfort of nature's call.
Singular and centered
On Saturday night we celebrated the birthday of my wife's Uncle Bob at a pizza place in the Berkshires.
This painting, which stretched across much of the wall above our table, garnered a great deal of attention from my tablemates.
Specifically, the female figure on the right caught our eye.
Did you notice the artist's placement of the woman's breast?
What appears to be her one and only breast?
In the middle of her chest?
I've been tossing around some possible names for this work of art ever since I saw it, but I haven't found anything quite good enough yet.
Care to venture a try?
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May 31, 2011
Resolution update: May 2011
1. Lose 23 pounds, bringing me down to my high school track and field weight.
Down eleven pounds since the beginning of the year. Twelve to go.
2. Do at least 50 100 200 push-ups and 50 sit-ups a day.
I have increased my push-up total to 200 a day, and in May, I missed three days. Two were purposely missed because I used the rowing machine at the gym, and one day was forgotten because I was spending the evening at the in-law's home was fell out of my routine.
I might want to think about increasing my sit-up goals as well, except that sit-ups just aren't as fun.
3. Practice the flute for at least an hour a week.
No practice. I remain a complete disappointment.
4. Find a wine that I can drink every night or so.
I tried one wine in May and di not like it.
5. Complete my fifth novel.
Four chapters into my newest book and things are going well. Once I have all four chapters in decent shape, I will send them to my agent for a first look.
6. Complete and submit one children's book to my agent.
Done. She liked it. It has now been passed onto an agent who specializes in children's book for an opinion.
7. Complete the book proposal for the non-fiction collaborative project that I began last year
Still a summer project,
8. Complete an outline for my memoir
Done, but it grows by the week. It would appear that my book on productivity will also be my memoir. The two have merged into one entity.
9. Convince my sister to write on http://107federalstreet.blogspot.com at least once a week and do the same myself.
No progress yet.
10. Drink at least four glasses of water every day.
Done.
11. Complete at least one of the three classes required for me to teach English on the high school level.
Nothing done yet.
12. Try liver.
Nope.
13. Publish an Op-Ed in a national newspaper.
Nope.
14. Participate in The Moth as a storyteller, at a live show or on their radio broadcast.
No, but I pitched another story about a week ago. How long should I wait before assuming that they are not interested?
15. See our rock opera (The Clowns) performed on stage as a full production or in a dramatic reading format.
Our dramatic reading at the local playhouse is scheduled for November 5 and 6.
16. Organize my basement.
Progress continues at a decent pace.
17. Land at least one paying client for my fledgling life coach or professional best man business.
None. But now I've added professional best man to the list. Please keep me in mind.
18. Rid Elysha and myself of all education debt before the end of the year.
Still waiting on the funding.
19. Replace the twelve ancient windows on the first and second floor of the house with more energy efficient ones.
Still waiting on the funding.
20. Make one mortgage payment from poker profits.
I remain stuck on a little less than 25% of a mortgage payment so far.
21. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.
Done. On time for once.
Disappointed that billions havent died?
More fallout from the failed Rapture:
Expert Rapture predictor Harold Camping's public relations manager moved his family from California to Ohio a month before the supposed Rapture in order to wait for the end of days.
Last week he announced that he is headed back to California next week:
"You can imagine we're pretty disappointed, but the word of God is still true," he told The Los Angeles Times. "We obviously went too far, and that's something we need to learn from."
I'm not sure if you want your public relations manager telling the world that you were disappointed that the world was not ravaged by massive earthquakes and raging fires, killing every living thing on the planet.
Perhaps just a "Yeah, we were surprised since Harry's only gotten this Rapture thing wrong once before" would have been more appropriate.
Super Grover playing Saint Peter?
I found these little people on the window sill yesterday, set up in a position that I assume can only be a reenactment of the Saint Peter story.
Naturally, my daughter has Super Grover playing the role of the big man at the Pearly Gates.
Personally, I don't think the purple dragon has a shot in hell of getting in.
May 30, 2011
Serious daddy fail
I couldn't quite remember my daughter's birthday today.
I thought I knew it, and I knew I was within ten days or so of the correct date, but I couldn't be certain until I checked my calendar.
The person who asked was horrified.
In fairness, I have always had a hard time remembering dates.
On a scale of 1-10, how bad of a father am I?
