Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 307

Unfair assumption #22: People who come from privilege who criticize those who don't come from privilege for their economic circumstances are stupid douchebags

You know the type. This is the person who complains about his or her taxes going to someone on unemployment or welfare or say things like, "Why doesn't that guy just get a job?" or "Why would someone spend their whole life in such a dead end career?" when their entire life has essentially been a gift from their parents.

They grew up in economic security. Never been hungry a day in their life. Always had the right clothes and shoes. Had books in the home. Went to summer camps and swim lessons. Didn't need to work 20 or 30 or 40 hours a week in high school to help pay the bills or save for college tuition. Probably didn't buy their first car on their own. Parents paid for most or all of their college tuition. They've always had a home to return to in times of trouble. A place to run in an emergency. Maybe even been bailed out of a jam or received an interest free loan from a parent in the past. They might work for their parent's company or been hired by a relative or a friend of the family. 

They have been blessed by parents who have ensured their economic security, and yet for reasons that I will never understand, they fail to see how fortunate they are.

It's convenient, short-sighted, and stupid to judge the economic position of another person when you might've failed things in your life and still fallen ass-backward into relative economic security. You could blow up your life again and again and still return home to food and shelter and maybe even a job. 

Many people of privilege fail spectacularly. They fail to make their dreams come true. They make terrible economic, marital, and employment decisions. They end up in trouble with the law. They find themselves incapacitated by illness.

Yet they still land on their feet thanks to privilege they did nothing to earn other than being born while those who are living without the same safety nets are doomed. If you are fortunate enough to come from privilege, you may have no understanding of the razor-thin margins that life has to offer. You can't imagine how easy it is to take one wrong step and be lost for years or decades or forever. You can't conceive how one economic setback or or serious illness or bad decision can send you spiraling.  

It demonstrates a disgusting level of self-centeredness and utter lack of empathy to point your finger at someone in trouble and criticize the government assistance that they are receiving when you have enjoyed the same welfare subsidies, unemployment benefits, and food stamps throughout your entire life - in the form of your parents. 

Please note that this comes from someone who grew up poor and remained poor well after high school. I'm a person who was unemployed, unfairly jailed, homeless, and eventually put myself through college by working 40-60 hours a week while taking a full class load. I grew up as a child in a family on welfare and food stamps, but since leaving home at 18, I have never received any government assistance. I have made it on my own.

It would be easy for me to criticize those who fail to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. 

Still, I would never criticize someone who needed or was receiving assistance. Even with my circumstances, I recognize my great fortune. I have been healthy throughout most of my life. I was able to work hard for long periods of time without tiring or losing hope. I was born with a mind that allowed me to excel in school even while working full time. There were moments in my life when friends stepped in and saved me from trouble. 

I got lucky. A judge found me not guilty. A family of Jehovah's Witnesses opened their doors and got me off the street. A man with a gun didn't kill me when he had already killed others. Professors saw my potential and supported me. A principal gave me a chance. A community rose to support me. I married the perfect person.       

Why someone from privilege can't see these same things baffles me. Why they don't see their economic safety net, their ongoing parental support, the family company where they work, the college tuition they never paid, the downpayment on their home that they were gifted, and their lifelong good health for what it is - an unearned blessing - is beyond me. 

I can only (perhaps unfairly) assume that they are stupid douchebags. 

Something to make you smile

I could write something clever but decided that nothing I write today will be as good as this:

The cough - not the sneeze - deserves the blessing.

A person often sneezes simply because a bit of dust has tickled their nasal passages. Or they suffer from an allergy to pollen or something similar.

Or if you're like me, you sneeze when you eat a Tic-Tac or an Altoid.

We rarely sneeze due to illness or impending illness, and yet the standard response to a sneeze is to say, "God bless you" or simply "Bless you." We respond as if something bad has happened or is happening when this is rarely the case. 

I'm aware of why we offer a blessing following a sneeze, but still, it's kind of stupid. Right? And since the practice is hundreds of years old when human beings did not understand germ theory, maybe we can dispense with the practice altogether.

Since it's stupid.  

I try to avoid saying "God bless you" or even "Bless you" whenever possible, simply because it assumes a religious belief that may or may not be present. 

On Seinfeld, Jerry replaces "God bless you" with "You're so good looking," which is slightly better but also applies a physical attraction that might not be present.

Sneezes simply do not require a blessing of any kind. 

A cough, on the other hand, is oftentimes a sign of trouble.

It could signal the beginnings of a cold or the flu. The person might be choking on a bit of steak, a grape, or a Lego piece. He may have swallowed of a bug.  

Yet a person can hack out half a lung, turn blue in the face, and become physically incapacitated while coughing, and we don't offer a blessing of any kind. 

It makes no sense. If we're going to continue to offer a blessing to loved ones and complete strangers every time they make an involuntary outburst, can't we at least shift that blessing over to where it's actually needed?

Let us ignore the sneeze and bless the cough. Let's give it the attention it deserves. 

Paul Ryan (and the Democrats) need my help. I am waiting for their call.

Paul Ryan has called the Democrat recent sit-in "a publicity stunt." 

This was stupid thing to say.

I am a Democrat, but I also can't stand bad communication and poor messaging. Despite our political differences, Paul Ryan needs me.

There were highly effective ways of responding to the Democrats' sit-in strategy, but calling it a publicity stunt was not one of them. Ryan is in an interesting position at the moment. Thanks to Donald Trump, he is perceived by many as a fairly rational Republican who would be much more palatable than Trump. Regardless of what happens with the Presidency, he has an opportunity to take a serious leadership role in this country in the minds of Republicans and many independents. More importantly. he has a chance to reach across the aisle and become a dealmaker.  

Instead, he calls the Democrats strategy "a publicity stunt."

If I was a Democrat, here is what I would've said in response to Ryan:

“Paul Ryan has called our sit-in a publicity stunt.

Was Rosa Parks refusal to sit at the back of the bus a publicity stunt?

Were the lunch counter protests by the Friendship Nine a publicity stunt?

Was Martin Luther King’s march on Washington a publicity stunt?

Was Gandhi’s hunger strike a publicity stunt?

Were Betty Williams and Cezar Chavez and Nelson Mandela engaged in publicity stunts?

Come down to the well of Congress, Mr. Ryan, and tell the great John Lewis to his face that this is nothing more than a publicity stunt. And while you are at it, turn the C-SPAN cameras back on. Turning them off was the act of a coward who is afraid of what the American people might think if they could witness our protest. Only villains fear the clear light of sunshine.”

The Democrats are just as foolish for not making this argument (unless they did and I missed it), and I'm more than willing to help them as well if they want to hire me.

I promise you, Congressional and Senate Democrats, that I could craft a powerful, effective, cohesive, and inclusive message for your party as well. And I'm always quick with a stinging comeback.  

But here is what Paul Ryan should have said:

“I admire my Democratic colleagues for their passion and perseverance. I disagree with them on their positions regarding gun control and cannot stand by as they attempt to erode the Constitutional rights of Americans, but I can certainly acknowledge the strength of their conviction, as misguided as it may be. Unfortunately this is not the way to pass legislation, and it hasn’t been the way to pass legislation for more than 200 years. We have rules and procedures that allow for lawmakers to vote on bills, and these rules and procedure have helped this Republic to stand strong when so many have faltered. I understand their frustration. I understand their desire to push forward their agenda. But there are agreed-upon ways of doing this, and this sit-in is not one of them. Congress cannot and will not operate under mob rule. ”

This was the statement that you should've made, Paul Ryan. It would've been measured, thoughtful, convincing, and effective. 

It also doesn't run the risk of implying that people like Rosa Park and Martin Luther King were engaging in publicity stunts. Ryan is lucky that I am not running the messaging apparatus of the Democrats or I would've blasted his "publicity stunt" statement to smithereens. 

And I'm ready to help. Even though I am a Democrat, I would be more than willing to assist Paul Ryan. We need Republicans willing to make deals and legislate, and if working for Paul Ryan helps to make that happen, I'm ready to assist. 

In fact, I tried to reach out to Paul Ryan a couple weeks ago to offer my services but can only send him an email if I live within his district. I was unable to contact him. 

His loss. Sincerely. I would kick ass at messaging and communications for these politicians. 

If you're smart, hire me. I will cost you a fortune, but I will help to craft an effective, compelling message that works. 

Four interesting facts about the song "Laid" that should not only be interesting to me (but probably are).

1. "Laid" is one of my favorite songs, but I have yet to find another song by James that I like.

2. "Laid" does not contain the word "laid" anywhere in its lyrics. This happens from time to time in the music industry. "Baba O'Riley" by The Who, "Danny's Song" by Loggins & Messina, and a whole bunch of Led Zeppelin songs come to mind, but still, it's not common. 

3. Ever since I heard the song for the first time, I've wondered (and worried about) the song's protagonist. He's tried to escape an apparently unhealthy relationship with this woman, only to find her returning to his life again and again. Then he sings those last two unforgettable lines:

You're driving me crazy
When are you coming home?

 Haunting. Right?

Does this mean he's trapped? Unable to escape her charms? Doomed to return to her again and again? Destined to never find happiness and real love? 

Or does it mean that he's finally realized that she was meant for him? Has he finally found true love? Do they live happily ever after?

Perhaps you haven't wondered about these final lines like I have. Perhaps you think I'm worrying too much about a fictional protagonist in a minor hit song from 1993. 

You would be wrong. 

4. Here's the craziest thing about the song: 

The chorus is just the single word "pretty" stretched out over at least six bars of music and modulated vocally throughout those six or more bars. Except I would argue that the chorus isn't the word "pretty" but instead the second half of the word "pretty." It's really just the modulation of the second half of that word that makes up the chorus. Just half a work, and yet it's still catchy and easy to sing.

Crazy. Right?

Here are the lyrics in case you're unfamiliar (and if so, shame on you):

"Laid"

This bed is on fire with passionate love
The neighbours complain about the noises above
But she only comes when she's on top

My therapist said not to see you no more
She said you're like a disease without any cure
She said I'm so obsessed that I'm becoming a bore, oh no

Ah, you think you're so pretty...

Caught your hand inside the till
Slammed your fingers in the door
Fought with kitchen knives and skewers
Dressed me up in womens' clothes
Messed around with gender roles
Line my eyes and call me pretty

Moved out of the house so you moved next door
I locked you out, you cut a hole in the wall
I found you sleeping next to me, I thought I was alone
You're driving me crazy
When are you coming home?

My daughter outlines her position on the accumulation and distribution of capital in a market economy

For the third time in her seven years on this planet, my daughter has saved more than $100. 

On all three occasions, she has saved this money for specific items. In the past it was a dollhouse from Barnes & Noble and a Playmobile mall. 

This time she was saving for a Playmobile petting zoo. 

And because she earns $1.25 per week in allowance, it takes a long time to save this money. For this most recent purchase, it took more than eight months, and that included birthday money, tooth fairy money, found money, and occasional bonuses that she can earn for completing additional chores.

When we counted her money and discovered that she had finally exceeded $100 ($114 in all), I told her how impressed I was with her ability to save. 

"But Daddy," she said. "Doesn't everyone save their money?"

I explained that in many cases, people seek immediate gratification. They buy small items that make them happy in the moment but don't save for big items like houses and cars and retirement and emergencies. "Some people can't stop spending money on clothing and restaurants and gadgets, so they never get what they really want."

She was quiet for a moment. I could tell she was processing this. Thinking about this new reality that I had presented to her. 

I waited. 

Finally she spoke. "Well, that's kind of dumb, I think. I think saving for what you want is fun. And you don't have to just buy stuff all the time to be happy."

If only everyone adhered to the wisdom of my seven year-old girl. 

Four things about my children's childhood that I won't miss

I will miss many, many things when my children are now longer little. I know how precious this period in their life is. I know how quickly time will seem to pass. 

I know all this. I don't need any other parent to tell me, but boy oh boy do they like to tell me. Again and again and again. It's as if they think they've discovered something that was already painfully obvious to me and probably every other parent and must now share it from the rooftops of the world.    

However, there are also a few things that I won't miss when they are gone. Not just petty annoyances or aggravations that are fleeting and forgettable. Not just any minor perturbance. I'm talking about the persistent, seemingly endless, truly soul-crushing parts of parenting small children. These are the things I won't miss at all. Not one bit.

This is the list: 

Car seats
They suck so bad. Buckling kids in. Shifting car seats from one vehicle to another. The collection of detritus that gathers beneath the car seats. Car seats are the bane of my parental existence. 

Blowing on food
It sucks to stare at your own meal while blowing on food for another person that isn't even very hot.

Interrupting me while I'm on the phone
"Sorry, Daddy. I didn't realize that you were on the phone. Silly me. Now I'm going to continue to talk to you anyway as if that phone pressed against your ear is just a large, rectangular earring."

Escorting children to public restrooms
Public restrooms were not designed for little people. The toilet is too large. The sinks are too high. And just try keeping a four year-old boy's hands off anything gross in a public restroom. 

Four things in my children's childhood that I won't miss

I will miss many, many things when my children are now longer little. I know how precious this period in their life is. I know how quickly time will seem to pass. 

I know all this. I don't need any other parent to tell me, but boy oh boy do they like to tell me. Again and again and again. It's as if they think they've discovered something that was already painfully obvious to me and probably every other parent and must now share it from the rooftops of the world.    

However, there are also a few things that I won't miss when they are gone. Not just petty annoyances or aggravations that are fleeting and forgettable. Not just any minor perturbance. I'm talking about the persistent, seemingly endless, truly soul-crushing parts of parenting small children. These are the things I won't miss at all. Not one bit.

This is the list: 

Car seats
They suck so bad. Buckling kids in. Shifting car seats from one vehicle to another. The collection of detritus that gathers beneath the car seats. Car seats are the bane of my parental existence. 

Blowing on food
It sucks to stare at your own meal while blowing on food for another person that isn't even very hot.

Interrupting me while I'm on the phone
"Sorry, Daddy. I didn't realize that you were on the phone. Silly me. Now I'm going to continue to talk to you anyway as if that phone pressed against your ear is just a large, rectangular earring."

Escorting children to public restrooms
Public restrooms were not designed for little people. The toilet is too large. The sinks are too high. And just try keeping a four year-old boy's hands off anything gross in a public restroom. 

Best graduation cap ever

I'm admittedly biased, but still...

So much beauty in just two minutes of video. You must see.

Many thanks to my friend, Catherine Burns, for posting this. 

Sadly, my existential terror doesn't allow me to embrace this idea as fully as I'd like, but I wish I could. It's fantastic.