Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 305
July 17, 2016
Unfair assumption #25: People offended by factual corrections are brittle and lame
When you correct a person's factual error or point out an obvious exaggeration, and that person responds as if your fact is irrelevant or an intrusion, that person is a brittle, cowardly lame ass who cares more about his or her own pontification than the truth.
July 16, 2016
Too Big an Ask
I love good advertising. This is not it.
As my wife said, this is a big ask.
July 15, 2016
July 15, 2006
Ten years ago on this day my wife and I were married on a perfect day.
When I think back on all that has happened in just ten years, I am astonished. I'm also know that none of it would've been possible without Elysha.
The only imperfect part of our wedding day was the fact that we have yet to produce a wedding album from the day or even print a single photo. We have them all in digital form, but we rarely look at them.
We'll have to correct that. Until then, I've created a slide show of some of the photos from our wedding day.
July 14, 2016
The UK has a new Prime Minister. Unfortunately, it still has a stupid Queen.
The United Kingdom has a lot of problems right now. I don't mean to pile on.
But can't we all agree that the need to meet and curtsey before some nonsense Queen who only earned her position through a series of ancestral sexual encounters in order to officially be declared Prime Minister is a ludicrous way to transfer power?
I'm not anti-British in any way, but I'm anti-royalty in every way.
Not only is genetics a stupid way to confer power, but the British monarchy costs the UK approximately £35.7 million per year, even though they own more property than anyone else in the United Kingdom.
This whole situation is ridiculous.
I have this dream that when Prince William assumes the throne someday, his first and only act would be to declare the British monarchy null and void.
"I am the King of England because of a sexual encounter between my mother and my father, and because I was lucky enough to be born first. This is just stupid. This idiocy of the monarchy ends now."
He'd turn Buckingham Palace into a museum, stick a photo booth over the throne for future visitors, hand over almost all of the royal estates to worthy charities, and retire to one of the no less than eight other royal residences (including at least three castles) that his family owns.
That might be one of the most selfless and impressive things a person could ever do.
July 13, 2016
Five years ago, I took the stage and told my first story. The most important thing about that night: I was afraid.
Yesterday marked my five year anniversary in storytelling.
On July 12, 2011, I went to New York to tell a story on a Moth stage. I went there mostly because I told my friends that I would, and I had avoided it so long that I began to feel ashamed of myself.
My friends pointed me to The Moth and suggested that I go. One of my friends said, "You've had the worst life of anyone I know. You'll make a great storyteller!"
She was probably referring to my two near-death experiences, my arrest and trial for a crime I didn't commit, my homelessness, the robbery that left with with more than a decade of untreated PTSD, the anonymous, widespread, public attack on my character and career, and more.
It hasn't been the worst, but it hasn't always been easy.
So I said yes. "I'll go and tell a story." But honestly, I had little intention of ever doing so. I was terrified about the prospect of taking the stage and telling a story. It was almost unthinkable. But my friends didn't forget my promise, and nor did I, so Elysha and I made out way into NYC so I could tell what I thought would be the one and only story of my life.
Even after putting my name in the hat, I tried to avoid taking the stage. When Dan Kennedy called my name, I froze, realizing that no one in the place knew me. If I remained quiet and still, they would have to eventually call someone else to the stage.
Instead, Elysha made me go.
Happily, miraculously, I won the StorySLAM.
The next day, I wrote a blog post about my experience, which included these words:
I know it sounds a little silly, but in the grand scheme of things, the birth of my daughter was probably the most important day of my life. Next comes the marriage to my wife, and then the sale of my first book, and then maybe this. It was that big for me.
Perhaps I’ll tell more stories in the future, and The Moth will become old hat for me, but on this day, at this moment, I couldn’t be more happy.
It was a big night for me, and one I will never forget.
— Matthew Dicks
I was remarkably prescient while writing that post. It seems as if I already knew that I had found something special.
And I was right. It was a big night for me. Since that night:
I have competed in 45 StorySLAMs, winning 24 of them.I've competed in 17 GrandSLAMs, winning four of them.I've told stories for The Moth and other storytelling organizations in cities around the country to audiences as large as 2,000 people. I've become a teacher of storytelling, teaching in places like Yale University, The University of Connecticut Law School, Perdue University, Trinity College, Kripalu, Miss Porter's School, and many, many more. I consult with businesses, school districts, industry leaders, college professors, and individuals around the world about storytelling.Last summer I traveled to Brazil to teach storytelling to an American School in Sao Paulo. In the last year, I've begun to perform my one-person show.Storytelling has landed me in the pages of Reader's Digest, Parents magazine, and more. I've met some incredible people thanks to storytelling and made some remarkable friends.In 2013, Elysha and I launched Speak Up, our own storytelling organization. We've produced nearly 50 shows since our inception, in theaters as large as 500 seats, and we have sold out almost every show. I teach storytelling workshops locally, and we partner with schools, libraries, museums, and more to teach storytelling to our community.
Last night Elysha and I worked with a group of second and third generation Holocaust survivors, teaching them to tell the story of their previous generations. Tonight I'll be competing in a StorySLAM in Boston. The beat goes on.
So much has happened in five short years. My life has changed in ways I would've never predicted. Elysha's life has changed, too. The fact that Speak Up is a partnership between the two of us might be the best thing about it.
Storytelling has helped make it possible for Elysha to stay home with the kids for the past seven years, and it will help to keep her home for one more year until Charlie enters kindergarten.
But here is what I want you to know:
The important part of my story to never forget how afraid I was when I began this journey. It's important to remember how I tried to avoid storytelling at every turn, not because I thought it was a bad idea or a waste of time, but because I was afraid. Even though I wanted to tell a story and suspected that I might even be good at storytelling, I tried my hardest to avoid it.
It's important to note that had it not been for my friends' prodding and Elysha's final push to get me out of my seat that night, I might have never taken the stage to tell a story.
It's easy to see someone who is successful and confident and believe that they have always been that way. We often see the end result of a journey and assume that the person standing in front of us is the same person who began that journey.
This is never true. I was afraid when I began my journey into storytelling. I doubted my ability. I was almost certain that I would fail. Fear kept me off the stage for more than a year, and it almost kept me off the stage forever.
Fear holds us back so often in life. It keeps us from realizing our untapped, unseen, impossible-to-predict potential. It blocks us from opportunities. It stops us from being daring. I keeps us away from new things and forces us to reside in the familiar.
Thoreau said that “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”
I believe that. I believe it wholeheartedly.
If fear is holding you back from trying something new, taking a risk, or realizing a dream, I encourage you to rise above it. Push that fear aside long enough to take a leap. Find people who will support you, encourage you, and even force you to try.
I think about how close I came to avoiding the stage, and it terrifies me.
Frank Herbert said this about fear, which I also believe wholeheartedly:
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
— Frank Herbert
I shudder to think about what my life would be like today had I not taken that stage five years ago and told my first story. I hate to think about how fear nearly held me back.
I nearly went to the grave with a song still inside me.
July 12, 2016
7 much-needed rules for golf according to me (which makes them absolutely correct)
Putt every putt. If the six inch putt is a forgone conclusion, then just putt the damn thing. Conceding putts only serves to assist the players who can't putt or those who suffer from the yips while marginalizing the advantage of players who excel under pressure.
_________________________
Every golfer should have a system for not forgetting their wedge by the green. If you forget your wedge more than once during a single round of golf, you must forfeit ownership of the club to a fellow player for one calendar year.
_________________________
Handicaps are fine for determining tournament seeding and groupings, but they should never be used in actual competition. No other sport artificially adjusts the score to accommodate for a lack of skill. Also, claiming victory over your opponent thanks to the advantage of a handicap is pathetic and shameful. You honestly shouldn't be allowed to play golf ever again.
_________________________
Every golfer should be allowed to chop down one tree in his or her life without penalty. This must be done with an axe. Chainsaws are too easy, and nothing about golf should ever be easy.
_________________________
Players who roll their balls out of divots are breaking the rules, regardless of weather or season. These players are also fancy-pants golfers who require the ground to be pristine in order to swing, which is lame and stupid. Hit the damn ball where it lies. That is the essence of golf.
As an alternative, go play mini golf. There are no divots amongst the windmills and water features of a mini golf course, and you can usually get an ice cream cone after the round.
_________________________
Dress codes are nonsense and should be eliminated entirely. They serve no useful purpose and only cause golfers to be perceived as elitist jackasses. Dress codes are also nonexistent at many public golf courses, so don't allow your pretentious friends to bully you into colored shirts and plaid pants when playing these courses. Wear whatever the hell you want. You're an adult, goddamn it.
_________________________
No mulligans. Ever. There is nothing uglier and more idiotic on a golf course than a golfer taking a mulligan.
July 11, 2016
24 life lessons for my children (and perhaps for you)
July 10, 2016
Advice from a mentor from 21 years ago that I continues to guide my life today
I keep a running list of the most impressive, impactful mentors in my life. These are people who have helped me in a significant and meaningful way and have impressed the hell out of me while doing it.
Simply put, they are some of the best people I have known.
My plan is to write a book about these people and the lessons that they have taught me.
The list currently stands at eight:
My former Scoutmaster, Donald PollockFormer sixth grade math teacher Mrs. ShultzFormer high school French teacher Lester MaroneyFormer English professor Pat SullivanFormer English professor Jackie LeBlancFormer McDonald's manager Jalloul MontacerFormer teaching colleague Donna GoskFormer principal Plato KarafelisIn searching for photos for a book proposal, I came across a note from Jalloul that he wrote to me in November of 1995, just before leaving the Hartford restaurant that I was managing while attending Trinity College. He offers a piece of advice that I thought worth sharing:
The secret to success is being more energy-oriented than goal-oriented - seeing life in terms of constant progress and not pre-established ends.
— Jalloul Monatcer
This may seem like the antithesis of someone like me who sets goals, publishes them online, and charts their progress monthly, but not true. I often achieve only about 60% of my goals in a given year and am comfortable with that degree of failure.
My goals remind me of my direction, but it is relentless, unending progress that I seek to achieve.
Jalloul taught me many important lessons. All of the people on my list did. Perhaps some day I will tell those stories.
July 9, 2016
Unfair assumption #24: Your knowledge of the Supreme Court says a lot about you.
If you can name all nine Supreme Court justices, I consider you well informed and worthy of attention. I will listen and consider all that you say.
For every justice you cannot name, I will think slightly less of your knowledge base, and therefore your opinions carry proportionally less weight with me.
If you forget Stephen Breyer, you may not be penalized at all. Everyone forgets that guy.
If you can't name a single justice on the Supreme Court, I discount most of what you say, at least when it comes to politics and current events, and perhaps in other arenas as well.
If you don't know that there are typically nine justices on the Supreme Court, forget it. You might as well not speak to me unless it's about the weather.
If this seems harsh, I agree. It probably is. Remember: I have acknowledged that this is an unfair assumption.
You're also not alone if your knowledge of the Supreme Court is lacking. In a recent Pew poll, only 39% of Americans were aware that there are typically nine justices on the Court, and two-thirds of Americans can't name a single justice.
Not one.
Even worse, a poll released in January 2016 fielded by the American Council of Trustees and Alumni showed that about 10 percent of college graduates believed TV’s Judith Sheindlin (aka Judge Judy) is on the United States Supreme Court.
People are so stupid.
July 8, 2016
Children sleeping in their parent's room: I had strong opinions before I had kids. The results are now in.
The time has come.
Prior to the birth of my daughter, I would argue that it was fairly bizarre and unwarranted to have have children sleeping in their parents' beds for any extended period of time. I expressed opposition to the idea that my children would be spending a significant portion of their sleeping hours in my bed or bedroom. I thought that making room for your child in your bed or allowing your child to supplant you from your bed was at the very least a little crazy.
These statements were not made without reason. At the time I knew many parents who had their children sleeping in their beds or in their bedrooms for a significant proportion of their young lives. I knew many parents whose children slept in their beds through the ages of two, three, four, and even longer. I even knew of parents who installed their child's bed or a secondary bed in their own bedroom.
I still know parents who do these things today.
Like I said, I thought this was all a little crazy.
When I expressed as much, I was greeted with comments like:
"You just wait until you have kids."
"Easy to say now when you don't have any children."
"I can't wait until you are forced to eat crow."
"Having your kid in your bed is unavoidable."
Parents making these comments were often angry with me and outraged at my assertions.
But not all. One friend - whose daughter slept in her bedroom until she was five years-old - said to me, "I know it's crazy to have her in our room. I know it's probably not great for her, and it's definitely not great for our marriage, but it's what I need to do."
This is a person who I can respect. This was a mother who I could understand. We're all crazy in one way or another. We all do something in regards to parenting that is inadvisable, overprotective, and perhaps a little insane. Just own it. Acknowledge your insanity and people will understand your decision and even accept it.
"I'm doing this kind of crazy thing, but I understand that it's probably crazy."
Argue that your inadvisable, overprotective, slightly insane behavior is normal and perfectly fine, and that is when people will begin to question the rest of your decision-making and wonder what you could possibly be thinking.
Since those days of my bold assertions and parents' angry retorts, I've had my kids. I've dealt with their sleep schedules. I'll determined (in partnership with my wife) the location of their sleep on a nightly basis. I have faced the same challenges of those parents who I questioned years ago.
Here are the results:
Today my daughter is seven years old. My son is four years old.
Both of them slept in a cradle in our bedroom for the first two months of their lives in order to facilitate late night feedings. After two months, both children were transitioned to their own bedrooms. We trained them to sleep in their own beds by allowing them to "cry it out" for two or three nights. It was not easy, but it worked well.
Both quickly became acclimated to sleeping in their own beds.
Since then, Clara has slept in our bed three times: twice due to illness and once because of a hurricane. All of these were late night transitions from her bed to ours in response to the circumstances.
Charlie has also slept in our bed five times: three times due to illness and twice because of nightmares.
In total, my children have spent less than one percent of their nighttime sleeping in our bed.
In fact, there was a time a few years ago when Clara hit her head hard enough that the doctor asked that we wake her every hour to make sure that she was okay. We decided to have her sleep in our bed to make this process easier, but she refused.
"You have your bed, Daddy, and I have mine."
Exactly.
So to all those naysayers and doomsday predictors who assured me that I would find my children crawling into bed with me more regularly than I expected, I say this:
I told you so.
Or in the words of my generation: Bite me.
And to any expecting parents or new parents, I offer this advice:
Take everything that an experienced parent says with an enormous grain of salt, myself included. Our advice comes from the parenting of our unique child in our unique set of circumstances. No two children are alike. No two set of circumstances are alike. Parents love to generalize their child's behavior to all children. They love to assume that their struggles are universal. They love to think that their parenting style is applicable to all kids.
None of this is true.
Every parent is different. Every child is different. Every circumstance is different. This doesn't mean that experienced parents can't offer excellent advice. People come to me for parenting advice all the time, and I'm happy to oblige. Just don't assume that their word (or mine) is gospel. Don't assume that they know all.
And just because you can't keep your child out of your bedroom doesn't mean that we all can't keep our kids in their own beds.
