Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 174
January 9, 2020
Speak Up Storytelling #80: Matthew Dicks
On episode #80 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, Matthew Dicks analyzes his own story "The Avocado Melt" in an episode we call Storytelling Forensics.
LINKS
Purchase Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling
Purchase Twenty-one Truths About Love
Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne
Matthew Dicks's website: http://www.matthewdicks.com
Matthew Dicks's YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/matthewjohndicks
Matthew Dicks's blog:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicksblog
Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's weekly newsletter:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicks-subscribe
Subscribe to the Speak Up newsletter:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-speak-up
Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's blog:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-grin-and-bare-it
January 8, 2020
A simple way to not suck at life
Tom Hanks received the Cecil B. deMille Award at the Golden Globe on Sunday night. In his speech, he offered advice once given to him on how to be a successful actor:
“Know the text, have a head full of ideas, and BE ON TIME.”
“Know the text” is specific to acting, but “have a head full of ideas” is great advice for almost any profession, and it’s worded so beautifully.
“Have a head full of ideas.”
Hanks says that your ideas don’t even need to be good ideas. Just bring something original to the table.
I love that. I believe in that. The people who I admire most are those who are always trying new things, experimenting with new ideas, and expanding their personal boundaries. These are the risk takers. The innovators. The people who see rules and restrictions as fertile ground for transforming and trampling.
But it’s his last bit of advice that I admire the most: “Be on time.”
Being on time is within everyone’s capacity, regardless of who you are. It doesn’t require any special skill or talent. It does not hinge on your intelligence or experience. It’s simply a matter of affording yourself enough time to get where you need to be.
Being on time is a simple way to separate yourself from the people who suck at life. It’s an indication that you are capable of making the basic decisions required to be punctual.
It’s also a sign of respect. People who insist upon being on time demonstrate great respect for those around them. It’s an acknowledgement that everyone’s time is valuable and therefore should be treated as such.
Think about it:
Of all the things Tom Hanks could suggest to up-and-coming actors, he believes that being on time was amongst the most important.
Of all the things that helped Tom Hanks rise to the top of this profession, he believes that being on time has been one of the most important.
I think he’s right.
January 7, 2020
Decidedly less than "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"
As an author of a novel written entirely in lists, you can imagine how much I enjoy a good list.
You might also imagine how much a song like Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” annoys me.
If you’re going to title your song “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover,” YOU SHOULD INCLUDE 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER.
As far as I can tell, Paul Simon offers somewhere between 0-5 ways to leave your lover depending on how you interpret the song and leaving lovers.
That’s not even close to the promised 50. And it annoys me. If you’re going to title your song in the form of a list, you should at least uphold the promise of your list.
January 6, 2020
Patriots perspective
As you may know, my beloved Patriots lost in the first round of the playoffs on Saturday night. From my seats in section 331 in Gillette Stadium,. I watched our season come to a screeching halt.
Tom Brady’s final pass of the season was an interception to former Patriot Logan Ryan, which was returned for a touchdown.
Not good.
The Patriots lost for lots of reasons, but what I will remember most will be:
The Patriots were unable to put the ball in the end zone on three consecutive plays from the 1 yard line.
A huge pass play was called back on a very questionable penalty.
Sure-handed Julian Edleman dropped a critical pass near the end of the game.
The Patriots also suffered a rash of injuries, retirements, and unfortunate circumstances leading to player departures that they were never able to overcome.
It was hard to watch my team lose on Saturday. After finally getting to bed at 3:30 AM and getting out of bed at 7:00 AM, I was feeling pretty down.
But then Charlie awoke and asked me if the Patriots had won.
“No, buddy. They lost.”
“So no Super Bowl?” he asked.
“Nope. Not even an AFC Championship game.”
Then it occurred to me . Charlie is 7 years old. He’s never seen the Patriots not go to an AFC championship game. Saturday night’s loss breaks a record of 8 straight AFC championship games appearances by the Patriots.
Eight in a row. Only three other teams have been to 8 AFC Championship games in all. The Patriots have been to a total of 15 of these games, second best to the Steeler’s 16, and we’ve won a record 11 of them.
I have personally attended 8 AFC Championship games and watched the Patriots win 7 of them.
It’s crazy. I’ve been so lucky.
Not only has my favorite team been an an epic run, but I have been going to games for the entire run. It’s been a glorious time to be a season ticket holder. The Patriots have also been to more Super Bowls than any other team, including 9 in the last 20 years, and they’ve tied thew Steelers for the most victories.
I was old enough to watch the Patriots first Super Bowl in 1986, and I’ve seen every one since. I’m not some Miami Dolphins fan who brags about perfect seasons and Super Bowl victories that happened before they were even born. I’ve been watching this team and loving this team ever since I was a little boy.
How fortunate I have been.
Though the season ended in defeat, it wasn’t a bad way to spend five months. Long, Sunday drives to Foxboro with my friend. Food and stories and laughter in the parking lot before the game. Suspense and joy. Excitement and heartbreak.
And that one game when it was 35 degrees and pouring rain with 40 MPH winds.
Brutal but also unforgettable.
I’m going to try to feel lucky today for all that I have enjoyed, trusting that Tom Brady will don a Patriots uniform once again and there will be Sundays of glory in my future.
I’ll try.
January 5, 2020
Cheering for alcohol is weird.
On a recent episode of The Political Gabfest, the hosts were offering their answers to various conundrums as part of their annual holiday episode.
One of the conundrums that they were asked:
“If you could swim in a pool filled with anything but water, what would you choose?”
Admittedly, this is one of the stupider conundrums on the show, and it probably doesn’t even qualify as a conundrum, but in response, John Dickerson answered, “Gin.”
The crowd erupted in cheers.
My question:
Why? What about gin caused the audience to roar in approval?
I see the same reaction when storytellers or comedians mention things like whiskey or keg stands or phrases like “wine-o’clock” or “drowning my sorrows in bourbon.”
Mention anything like this, and there’s a good chance your audience will roar in approval.
It’s so weird. It’s as if people stop maturing past the age of 17 when it comes to alcohol. The excitement of their first keg party or their first stolen bottle of vodka from their parents’ liquor cabinet never goes away. Mention your love for alcohol in a slightly clever way (or oftentimes in an entirely un-clever way), and you’re likely to get a cheer.
The same is now true for marijuana as well. All someone needs to do is wryly mention that they “might’ve been high” in almost any scenario and the crowd cheers.
“I was taking my math test, and I might’ve been a little high…”
Boom. A roar of approval. Maybe even an applause break.
It’s weird. Right?
We afford the same reaction to alcohol and drug use as we do to someone who shares the story of a hard fought victory, a lifelong achievement, or an unlikely win.
I don’t really drink alcohol anymore save the occasional celebratory glass of champagne, and I’ve never used marijuana (or any other illegal drug), so perhaps my enthusiasm for these substances are less than average, but I don’t cheer when someone mentions Egg McMuffins or ice cream cake or the New England Patriots or golf.
Nor does anyone else.
At best you might get some moron offer up a cheer if their alma mater is mentioned in a story or joke. Maybe for a mention of their hometown if that hometown isn’t New York or Boston or Los Angeles.
Otherwise, “things” don’t typically get cheered unless those things produce an altered state.
I think it’s really weird.
January 4, 2020
This does not look at all relaxing to me.
Whenever I see a photograph like this, of someone’s slippered feet, set atop a coffee table, adult beverage in hand, framed by the warm, orange glow in the fireplace, I can’t help but think:
“My God that looks boring.”
I know I’m in the minority here. I’ve seen enough of these fireplace-framed photographs of feet on Facebook to know that people genuinely enjoy sitting like this, or they at least want their friends and family to think they enjoy this kind of thing.
Or perhaps they’ve seen just as many of these photos on Facebook as I have and desperately want to be perceived as a fellow member of the slippered-foot, fireplace-framed herd.
Or maybe folks just think that this is what they’re supposed to do. As adults of a certain age who can legally drink wine and also own a functioning fireplace, maybe they believe that this is just what adults are supposed to do. They’ve seen enough of these images on television commercials and magazine advertisements and social media to genuinely believe that once you’ve reached a certain age, alcohol, flame, and idleness are the way of the proper grownup.
Just conduct a Google image search on words “fireplace feet” and you’ll discover tens of thousands of photos like this. Some with more than just one set of feet. Some in stockings instead of slippers. Some bare-footed. Occasionally these photographs are adorned by a Christmas tree or a cat.
But they’re basically all the same. Some number of lower extremities, framed by fire, designed to look cozy,.
It’s almost as if the photographing of one’s feet in front of the fire is at least as popular than the actual placing of one’s feet in front of the fire.
Again, I’m quite certain I’m in the minority here. Maybe the only one who thinks this looks like an absoluteIy dreadful way to spend an evening. It’s not unusual for people to want to relax, and a warm fire, a glass of wine, and a well framed photograph is probably very relaxing for many people.
I like to relax, too. I just prefer to relax by doing something.
I’m just a joy to be around.
January 3, 2020
Speak Up Storytelling #79: John Cuyler
On episode #79 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, Matthew and Elysha Dicks talk storytelling!
In our follow up segment, we we share Homework for Life success stories from several listeners and attempt to shame a sibling into joining her brother and sister in Homework for Life.
STORYTELLING SHOWS 2020
January 11: “Still Life: Stories of Stopping and Slowing Down” at the Wadsworth Atheneum
February 8: “Storytelling for Students at Henry A. Wolcott School, West Hartford, CT
March 21: Great Hartford StorySlam, Hartford Flavor Company
STORYTELLING WORKSHOPS 2020
February 1: Storytelling workshop (Beginner), CT Historical Society
February 22: Storytelling workshop (Advanced), CT Historical Society
In our Homework for Life segment, we talk about how often we might find ourselves in the midst of a story and must exercise patience, waiting for the moment when the story is ready to be told. Matt shares two stories in his life that are 15 and 42 years in the making.
Next we listen to a story by John Cuyler.
Amongst the many things we discuss include:
Excellent opening sentences.
The power of contrast
Assigning double duty to words, sentences and ideas
Vocalization techniques
The use of anecdote over exposition when trying to make a point
Next we answer questions from listeners about the 5 tips Matt offers brand new Moth GrandSLAM storytellers, a new way of practicing storytelling in your every day life (3-2-1), and advice from a listener on Homework for Life.
Lastly, we each offer a recommendation.
RECOMMEDATIONS
Elysha:
The New York Times crossword app
Matt:
LINKS
Purchase Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling
Purchase Twenty-one Truths About Love
Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne
Matthew Dicks's website: http://www.matthewdicks.com
Matthew Dicks's YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/matthewjohndicks
Matthew Dicks's blog:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicksblog
Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's weekly newsletter:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicks-subscribe
Subscribe to the Speak Up newsletter:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-speak-up
Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's blog:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-grin-and-bare-it
January 2, 2020
Resolution update: 2019 in review
Every month, I report on the progress of my yearly goals in an attempt to hold myself accountable. Here are the results for December and for 2019 as a whole.
I posted my New Year’s resolutions for 2020 yesterday.
In 2019, I completed 21 of 44 goals for a success rate of 48%. This is below my 10 year average of 55%.
My previous year success rates:
2010: 44%
2011: 62%
2012: 30%
2013: 60%
2014: 60%
2015: 59%
2016: 59%
2017: 71%
2018: 50%
Despite completing less than half of my goals, I had some areas of great success in 2019. I performed especially well in the areas of storytelling, completing 9 of 11 goals. I also completed 4 out of 5 in personal health.
While I'm pleased with the overall results, there were some missed opportunities. My biggest disappointments included my failure to lose 20 pounds, my failure to fund to write three new picture books, and my failure to complete any of my larger writing projects.
Those were all very doable in 2019.
There were also quite a few pathetic failures.
I failed to write a new screenplay for the third straight year. I failed to pull off our Heavy Metal Playhouse reunion after coming so close. I failed to play six games of poker. I failed to spend at least six days when my best friend of more than 30 years.
These were not difficult goals to achieve or at least get started.
2010 also provided to be an extraordinary year in many regards. I had several surprising accomplishments and firsts that did not make my initial list of resolutions but became important as the year progressed.
I’ll post that list in the coming days.
Here are my specific successes and failures from 2019:
__________________________________
PERSONAL HEALTH1. Don’t die.
I survived another year. Huzzah. And no major scares, either, unlike 1983 and 1988, when I required CPR to restore my life, and unlike last year, when chest pains sent me to the hospital fearing a heart attack only to learn that I had pulled a chest muscle by walking around New York City with an unevenly loaded backpack.
SUCCESS
2. Lose 20 pounds.
I nether lost not gained a pound in December.
I’ve lost a total of 7 pounds in 2019. A disappointing result.
FAIL
3. Eat at least three servings of fruits and/or vegetables per day, six days a week.
Done!
Lots of apples, potatoes, bananas, pineapples, onions, and grapes.
I tried arugula on pizza for the first time and didn’t hate it.
I tried some fried squash and didn’t hate it.
I should’ve eaten more peppers. I like peppers.
SUCCESS
4. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.
Done.
Physical therapy for two shoulders and an elbow kept me from doing push-ups and planks for the last three months of the year, but beginning last week, I’m back on the exercise bandwagon.
SUCCESS
5. Do burpees three days a week.
Done. My physical therapist told me to stop the burpees three months ago when I was working on my shoulders and elbow, but prior to that, I was grudgingly doing this stupid exercise.
Never again.
SUCCESS
WRITING CAREER6. Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2019.
Writing continues, and I recently figured out the piece that I was missing.
Huzzah!
That said, I’m just finishing chapter 1 of the book. Again.
FAIL
7. Write/complete at least five new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist.
I have eight picture books in various stages, but I did not finished a single one in 2019.
FAIL
8. Write a memoir.
Work continues, but it’s nowhere near completion.
FAIL
9. Write a new screenplay.
No progress at all in 2019.
FAIL
10. Write a musical.
No progress at all in 2019.
FAIL
11. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.
I submitted a piece to the NY Times Modern Love column in April. It was not accepted. It was the only piece submitted in 2019.
FAIL
12. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.
No progress at all in 2019.
FAIL
13. Select two behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.
I spent July strategically smiling in hopes that the biofeedback that a smile sends to the brain would alter my mood positively. I wrote about the results of that experiment in October.
This month I created a vision board for myself. I thought this would be a ridiculous exercise with no discernible benefit, but people seemed to think that the inspiration that a vision board provides is useful. I’ll write about my experience later in January.
SUCCESS
14. Increase my storytelling newsletter subscriber base to 3,000.
DONE! 131 new subscribers in November for a total of 1,054 new subscribers in 2019. My list now stands at 3,164 subscribers.
SUCCESS
15. Write at least six letters to my father.
No letters written in November. Two written in 2019.
FAIL
16. Write 100 letters in 2019.
Zero letters written in December. 28 letters in all written in 2019.
FAIL
17. Convert Greetings Little One into a book.
SUCCESS
STORYTELLING18. Produce a total of 10 Speak Up storytelling events.
DONE! Two more shows produced in December:
A traditional Speak Up show at the Connecticut Historical Society and a show at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health featuring myself and Kathy Binder.
A total of 17 shows produced in 2019.
SUCCESS
19. Begin selling Speak Up merchandise at our events and/or online.
DONE! We began selling tee shirts and totes at our live podcast recording, and we’ve been selling it ever since.
SUCCESS
20. Pitch myself to at least 5 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.
DONE! And what a strange turn of events!
After pitching myself to five TEDx conferences and getting nominated for a sixth with no luck, three TEDx organizers invited me to participate in their conferences in October.
I was invited to speak at both TEDx Trinity College and TEDx United World College in Changshu, China. Tragically, I had to turn these down due to scheduling conflicts. But I will be speaking at TEDx Berkshires in May of 2020.
SUCCESS
21. Attend at least 15 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.
DONE! I attended one Moth StorySLAM at Housing Works in NYC in December.
This brings my total to 22 events in 2019.
SUCCESS
22. Win at least three Moth StorySLAMs.
DONE! I won 8 Moth StorySLAMs in 2019.
Two in NYC, one in Seattle, and five in Boston.
45 victories in all.
SUCCESS
23. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.
I finished in second place by a tenth of a point in a Moth GrandSLAM in Boston in January.
I finished in fourth place in a Moth GrandSLAM in Boston in March, but I think I might’ve told my best story ever.
I competed but did not win the NYC Moth GrandSLAM in June. Silent scoring (WHICH IS STUPID) prevents me from knowing how I placed.
Zero victories in 2019.
FAIL
24. Produce at least 40 episodes of our new podcast Speak Up Storytelling.
DONE!
Four new episodes released in December. A total of 44 episodes in 2019.
SUCCESS
25. Perform standup at least four times in 2019.
One standup performance in December. Four total performances in 2019.
SUCCESS
26. Develop and teach a Storytelling Master Class, in which participants have an opportunity to tell at least two stories over the course of the day or tell a story and then retell it based on feedback.
DONE in June! It went surprisingly well, and I’ve scheduled another for 2020.
SUCCESS
27. Pitch at least three stories to This American Life.
No progress at all in 2019.
FAIL
28. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.
DONE!
I wrote to Marc early in January, asking for him to consider me as a guest.
I wrote again in August.
I wrote again in November.
No response yet.
I’ve also officially requested that my publicist assist me in this endeavor.
If you know Marc Maron, or know someone who knows Marc or know someone who knows Marc’s producer or booker, please let me know. I know that Marc and I would have an amazing conversation, and it’s currently my biggest dream to get on his show.
SUCCESS
NEW PROJECTS29. Host a fundraiser for RIP Medical Debt, which would allow us to relieve the medical debt of struggling Americans for pennies on the dollar.
No progress at all in 2019. I’m disappointed with myself.
FAIL
30. Complete my Eagle Scout project.
No progress in 2019. I’m disappointed in myself again.
FAIL
31. Print, hang, and/or display at least 25 prints, photos, or portraits in our home.
Painters are scheduled to work during the first weekend in 2020, but we can’t hang anything until the walls are done.
Out of my control to a certain degree, but still…
FAIL
32. Renovate our first floor bathroom.
Work began last month and is about 60% complete. Again, out of my control to a certain degree, but…
FAIL
33. Organize our second floor bathroom.
SUCCESS
MISCELLANEOUS34. Cook at least 12 good meals (averaging one per month) in 2019.
I made one meal for the family in December.
Nine meals in total in 2019.
FAIL
35. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.
I had a tentative date and a venue, but I could not get enough alumni to confirm, so it was postponed.
FAIL
36. Ride my bike with my kids at least 25 times in 2019.
I rode my bike with my kids for a total of 15 times in 2019.
FAIL
37. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2019 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.
In December, I wrote about people who wear makeup to the gym. My readers were enraged, supportive, informative, and in agreement, depending on who you asked. I wasn’t commenting on any single person but a group of people in general. Still, this violated the spirit of my rule.
That said, I slipped twice in 2019. Not bad at all. I’m giving myself credit for this one.
SUCCESS
38. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2019.
DONE! Surprises included:
I gave Elysha socks decorated to look like cats as an “end of conference week” gift.
I mailed a card to Elysha’s school, telling her how I much I love her.
I mailed a second card - much more clever - to Elysha’s school, telling her how I much I love her.
I purchased a a Pusheen cross-stitch kit and gave it to her on a day she was giving surprises to the kids.
I hired a landscaper to install a garden plot in our backyard, which she found when came home. She spent the summer growing vegetables for the first time.
While vacationing at Disney World, I surprised Elysha by scheduling a second dessert party and VIP viewing for the Magic Kingdom fireworks. We had enjoyed this treat on our first night in Disney, but it was expensive. But the fireworks were also our favorite part of the entire trip, so I decided to surprise Elysha by repeating the experience on the last night of the trip, regardless of the expense.
While meandering through Pike’s Place Market in Seattle, Elysha spotted a pair of earrings that she loved but thought were too expensive. When she wasn’t looking, I took a photo of the earrings and grabbed a business card from the designer. Then I emailed the designer and asked that the earrings in the attached photo be shipped to me. I had hoped to have the earrings on her desk for the first day of school, but they arrived two days late, so I gave them to her two days later. She was quite surprised to see them again.
I surprised Elysha with a weekend getaway to Dorsett, Vermont.
I skipped a Patriots game on Sunday when my friend and seat mate was too ill to go (and it was pouring rain), so I drove home from Kripalu instead of straight to the game. I determined her location and appeared in aisle 4 of Whole Foods around 1:30 PM rather than the 11:00 PM arrival that was expected.
SUCCESS
39. Replace the 12 ancient, energy-inefficient windows in our home with new windows that will keep the cold out and actually open in the warmer months.
I have a possible window installer and maybe even the money needed, but I failed to pull the trigger in 2019.
FAIL
40. Clean the basement.
Done! There is furniture and some other items that need to go, but they are organized and ready to depart.
The basement looks very good.
SUCCESS
41. Set a new personal best in golf.
I took lessons in 2019 and improved considerably, but not enough to set a new personal best.
FAIL
42. Play poker at least six times in 2019.
Four games played in 2019.
FAIL
43. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 25 years.
Four days spent together in 2019. A terrible number.
FAIL
44. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.
Done.
SUCCESS
January 1, 2020
New Year's resolutions: 2020
At the beginning of every year I establish a list of goals (or New Year's resolutions) for the coming calendar year. I post this list on my blog and social media as a means of holding myself accountable.
I recommend this to everyone. I've been engaged in this process since 2010, and I am convinced that I have been more productive and more successful as a result, even though my average goal completion rate stands at about 55%.
I've learned that setting exceptionally high goals and accepting inevitable failure are critical to achievement.
An unexpected side benefit has been the occasional assistance of readers in completing some of my goals, through advice, recommendations, and sometimes even direct intervention. Last year the amazing Kathryn Gonnerman turned the blog that I had written to my children for the first six years of their existence into six enormous, beautiful tomes that my kids are reading constantly.
She knocked one of my goals right off my list.
People are exceptionally kind, and I never turn down an offer of assistance.
Equally unexpected is the interest in these blog posts on my yearly goals and monthly updates. I often feel like updating my progress each month is the least interesting thing I write, but apparently there are readers out there who disagree. They are some of my most-read posts.
Below is my list of 50 goals for 2020. I’ve never set as many goals before. Also, I hate that the number is 50. I don’t trust lists constructed of round, convenient numbers. I always assume that an item was added or left off the list in order to achieve the convenient number.
Not the case here. In fact, the last thing I did with my list was number each item, so I didn’t know that I had set 50 goals until I finished the list.
I always reserve the right to add to or edit a goal on the list through the month of January.
__________________________________________________PERSONAL FITNESS
1. Don’t die.
Recommended by a friend years ago. Still valid today and deserving of the first spot on the list.
2. Lose 20 pounds.
I tried to lose 20 pounds in 2016 but only lost 8.
I tried to lose 20 points in 2017 but only lost 6.
I tried to lose 20 pounds in 2018 but only lost 6.
I tried to lose 20 pounds and only lost 7.
Since my first weight goal back in 2010, I've lost a total of 66 pounds. Another 20 is ambitious, but it would get me down to my high school weight. I’m willing to try to make that happen.
3. Eat at least three servings of fruits and/or vegetables per day, six days a week.
Readers and friends proposed this goal to me two years ago more than any other. I increased my vegetable and fruit consumption considerably in 2018, and in 2019, I managed to eat three servings of fruits and vegetables almost every day.
I’m repeating the goal in 2020. Hopefully with fewer potatoes.
4. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.
I’ve accomplished this goal for seven years in a row, but it’s not exactly automatic (because it’s still hard and oftentimes a pain in the ass), so it remains on the list.
5. Set a new personal best in golf.
I have failed to achieve this goal for three straight years, but I am undeterred.
My lowest score for nine holes is a 45, and my lowest score for 18 holes is 95. I’d like to improve on either score in 2020.
WRITING CAREER6. Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2020.
This is a failed goal from 2019 that I am renewing in 2020. But good news! I made a break through this week. The book is finally on a roll.
7. Write/complete at least five new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist.
I wrote three picture books in 2015.
I wrote another three in 2016.
I started but did not finish four picture books in 2017.
Those four books, plus two more, remained unfinished in 2018.
All six books remained unfinished in 2019.
Worst of all, I haven't sold any of them.
My goal for 2020 is to finish the year with five newly completed picture books. This can include books that I began in 2017, 2018, and 2019 but didn't finish and/or brand new ones.
At least one must feature a non-white, non-male protagonist.
8. Write a memoir.
Rather than writing a proposal for a memoir, my agent and I decided in 2018 that it would best if I simply wrote the book, so that process has begun. I plan to complete the memoir by the end of 2020.
9. Write a new screenplay.
I failed to write a screenplay for the last four years after after writing my first in 2015. I started a new one in 2019 but it’s not close to completion. I intend to finish it in 2020.
10. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.
A completed goal from 2017 and 2018, but one that I failed to complete in 2019. I’m repeating it in 2020.
My dream goal remains to land another column in a magazine, newspaper, or online publication this year, but I’m keeping this goal more reasonable. Write and submit and then hope for the best.
11. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.
A completed goal from 2017 and 2018 but one that I failed to complete in 2019. I’m repeating it in 2020. This may or may not include me writing a new short story.
12. Select two behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.
In 2016, I wrote about backing into parking spots, daily affirmations, and bottle flipping.
In 2017, I wrote about prayer, cold showers, and talking to strangers.
In 2018, I wrote about following pop culture and saying grace before a meal.
In 2019, I wrote about vision boards and biofeedback.
I've actually adopted two of these behaviors (cold showers and biofeedback) and realized that I was already doing another (talking to strangers). Creating a vision board even proved to be slightly useful.
Though my opinion of most of these activities didn't change, it was a useful experiment each time, so I'll repeat this in 2020.
13. Increase my newsletter subscriber base to 5,000.
I currently have about 3,935 subscribers to my newsletter.
Growth rates in my newsletter over the past four years have been:
2016: 29%
2017: 25%
2018: 68%
2019: 39%
If I grow the list by another 27% in 2020. I will hit my goal of 5,000 subscribers. A very reasonable goal.
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14. Write at least six letters to my father.
I completed this goal in 2017 and 2018 but failed to complete it in 2019.
I’m repeating this goal in 2020.
My father and I have been writing sporadic letters to each other since 2013. Since we speak little, it's been a great way to get to know a man who disappeared from much of my life at the age of eight. I intend to write to him every other month with the hope that he will write to me on my off months.
15. Write 100 letters in 2020.
I wrote 61 letters in 2018 and just 28 letters in 2019, failing to hit my goal of 100 each time, but I’m setting 100 as the goal again. The plan is to write a letter (paper, envelope, and stamp) every three days or so, to students, colleagues, friends, family, and anyone else who is deserving of praise, gratitude, recognition, scathing retribution, or the like.
It's a way of making a day a little brighter for another person that appeals to me a lot. The results in some cases have been extraordinary.
I can’t recommend this enough.
16. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.
On the heels of Kathryn Gonnerman’s remarkable work in transforming my blog, Greetings Little One, into the book, I plan to do the same to “365 Days of Elysha.”
Back in 2015, I wrote down one lovely observation about Elysha every day for a year, and I presented her with this Word document on our anniversary.
A Word document is nice, but it wasn’t exactly romantic.
I’d like to have this project turned into a book as well. I suspect that converting a Word document into a book will be decidedly easier.
17. Complete and release my limited episode podcast on “Twenty-One Truths About Love.”
The podcast is nearly complete. Episodes with my editor, the cover designer, and more are ready to go. I need to record the first episode with Elysha and finish editing the last one and it will be ready to launch.
STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER18. Produce a total of 12 Speak Up storytelling events.
Since we launched Speak up back in 2013, we have produced a total of 87 shows.
2013: 3
2014: 8
2015: 12
2016: 17
2017: 17
2018: 13
2019: 17
We will likely produce more than 12 shows in 2020, but 10 seems like a reasonable number considering all that we do.
19. Pitch myself to at least 5 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.
I’ve had some bad luck in terms of TED Talks.
I did a TED Talk at the AT&T Conference Center in 2013 that went extremely well, but technical difficulties made the audio on the recording almost indiscernible.
I did a TED Talk at Western Connecticut State University in 2013 that went flawlessly, but the college students who hosted the conference never posted the recording online.
I did a TED Talk in April of 2014 in Somerville, Massachusetts that also went well, but my 15 minute talk was accidentally put on a nine minute timer, which forced me to dump sections of my talk on the fly and speak faster than I would’ve liked. The talk was good, but it was not exactly what I had planned. There was room for improvement.
I did a TED Talk at Boston University in April of 2015. The recording started almost two minutes into my talk, and one of the cameras failed. The actual talk went well but the recording is useless. Again, I'd like to repeat this talk at some point for TED.
But I’ve had some good luck as well.
I did a TED Talk in November of 2015 in the Berkshires that went very well and has been viewed more than 25,000 times. Huzzah!
I did a TED Talk in January of 2016 in Natick, MA that also went very well and has been viewed more than 15,000 times. Huzzah!
I did a TED Talk in April of 2016 at The Country School in Madison, CT, repeating that first TED Talk that didn't get recorded well in 2013. I had to hold a microphone, which complicated things a bit, and there was no timer, so I had to rush in fear of going long. It’s been viewed about 25,000 times, but I'm still not entirely satisfied with the talk. I'd like to repeat it again under optimal circumstances.
I did a TED Talk in May of 2017 at the Pomfret School. Again, I had a handheld mic and no timer. Still, I thought it went well, but the actual camera work is not great, and it’s only been viewed about 500 times.
I’ll be speaking at a TEDx conference in April of 2020 already.
I have several talk ideas that I’ll be pitching in 2020
20. Attend at least 15 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.
My Moth attendance ever since attending my first Moth StorySLAM in 2011 has been:
2011: 4
2012: 9
2013: 19
2014: 19
2015: 31
2016: 31
2017: 20
2018: 15
2019: 22
Note that this represents the number of times I attended a Moth event, including StorySLAMs, GrandSLAMs, Main Stage performances, The Moth Ball, and more. It does not represent the number of times I’ve actually performed.
Sadly, my name does not always get drawn from the hat.
As opportunities to speak and perform at other venues for a variety of organizations have increased, the time I’ve had to dedicate to Moth events has decreased, even though they remain my favorite shows in the world.
Give me a Moth StorySLAM any day.
Attending 15 Moth events in 2020 is a reasonable goal, I hope.
21. Win at least three Moth StorySLAMs.
Three wins always feels ambitious, but since 2011, I've won 49% of the Moth StorySLAMs that I’ve competed in, and that percentage has remained fairly steady over the years.
If I compete in at least 10 StorySLAMs in 2019, I should be able to win at least three based upon previous percentages. This goal depends upon the decisions of others (which I try to avoid when setting goals), but competing in StorySLAMs just isn't enough to justify the goal.
I need to win.
22. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.
I won one GrandSLAM in 2014.
I won two GrandSLAMs in 2015.
I won one GrandSLAM in 2016.
I failed to win a GrandSLAM in 2017.
I won two GrandSLAMs in 2018.
I failed to win a GrandSLAM in 2019.
Overall, I’ve won 6 GrandSLAMs in 26 attempts for a 23% win rate.
Much harder to win a GrandSLAM with all of those annoyingly excellent storytellers, not to mention the three times I was defeated by stories that I helped find and craft.
Arming my competition. A terrible strategy.
This goal also depends upon the decisions of others, but competing in a Moth GrandSLAM is a forgone conclusion (I’m competing in one next month) and just isn't enough to justify the goal.
Once again, I need to win.
23. Produce at least 40 episodes of our new podcast Speak Up Storytelling.
Elysha and I produced 30 episodes in 2018 and 44 episodes in 2019. Now that we have alternative formats for weeks when Elysha is too busy to record, 40 episodes in 2020 seems doable.
24. Begin providing transcriptions of each episode of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast.
I’ve become aware of several free and low cost transcription services, which would make our podcast both accessible to the hearing impaired and highly searchable. I’m not sure which service is best or where to make these transcriptions available, but I will spend a portion of 2020 doing so.
25. Explore the monetization of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast.
It’s time. With a growing audience and tens of thousands of downloads each month, it’s time to make some money off our podcast, either by embedding ads, joining a network, or creating a premium model that offers additional content.
I’ll spend a portion of 2020 exploring the possibilities and deciding if it’s worth the effort.
26. Perform stand up at least six times in 2020.
I performed stand up six times in 2018 and four times in 2019. I’d like to get up at least six more times in 2020.
27. Pitch at least three stories to This American Life.
I had a story on This American Life in May of 2014. Since then, I’ve occasionally pitched stories to someone I know who works for the show. In 2020 I want to make a more concerted effort to pitch stories to this show that I adore.
28. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.
When I list possible publicity opportunities for my publicist, Marc Maron’s WTF was top of the list. I’ve been listening since his first episode, and I would love to have a conversation with him. I’ve pitched myself to him before, including four times last year, and I’ll do it again, at least three times, in 2020.
29. Produce at least one new video for my YouTube channel each month.
In an effort to reach and expand my YouTube audience, I plan to provide new content at least once every month. This can be in the form of a new story, some new instructional material, or an interview with a storyteller.
30. Find a means of producing my storytelling instruction for an online platform.
It’s time. With my book published and the podcast gaining steam, it’s time for me to create an online platform for instruction. I have people from China and Canada and San Diego and Chicago coming to Hartford to take my workshops, and while this is flattering, there are many more who can’t make the trip but want the opportunity to learn from me. Not only would this accommodate these people, but it would allow me to scale my instruction beyond my workshops.
HOME31. Print, hang, and/or display at least 25 prints, photos, or portraits in our home.
We have a pile of photos, prints, art, and creations of our children just waiting to be hung on our walls and displayed on our shelves. Part of our delay has been the plan to paint our walls, but that waiting is about to be over. Painting commences next week.
By the end of the year, I intend on having at least 25 of these photos, prints, and art displayed in our home.
32. Replace the 12 ancient, energy-inefficient windows in our home with new windows that will keep the cold out and actually open in the warmer months.
A failed goal from 2012, 2016, 2017, 2018, and 2019 that I am continuing to pursue because these windows are making me crazy.
33. Clear the basement.
Last year I successfully cleaned this basement. In 2020 I will clear the basement of all the furniture and boxes of stuff that we no longer want or need.
34. Refinish the hardwood floors.
We had our hardwood floors refinished when we moved into our home a decade ago. It’s time to refinish them again.
35. Purchase a new television.
I know this seems silly, but the last television that I purchased was a mammoth rear-projection TV in 2002. Since then, we have been surviving on hand-me-down televisions from my friend, Shep, and that worked just fine. We barely watch any television, so second-hand TV’s were great. But the time has come. We need a TV that can stream Disney+. We need a TV that can be mounted on the wall. Most important, we deserve a new TV after 17 years of older technology.
FAMILY/FRIENDS36. Take at least one photo of my children every day.
As I scanned through my photos on a recent plane ride to Indiana, I noticed the decline in photos taken of the kids over the years. This is only natural. When a child is born, photos are taken every nine seconds, but as time passes, this burst of photography subsides a bit. But lately, photos have only been taken when an event is taking place, and I want to be sure that I’m capturing the days between the parties and vacations and trips to the beach.
One photo per day, every day when I see the kids, in 2020 is the goal.
37. Take at least one photo with Elysha and myself each week.
Even worse than the decline in photos of the kids are the rarity of photos of just Elysha and me. We need to rectify this as well, so at least once per week, I will take a photograph of just the two of us.
38. Cook at least 12 good meals (averaging one per month) in 2020.
A failed goal from 2017, 2018, and 2019 that I will attempt again in 2020.
39. Ride my bike with my kids at least 25 times in 2020.
I haven't put my kids on their bikes often enough. Part of this has to do with Charlie's age, but after watching my brother get hit by a car while riding his bike as a kid (and being partially responsible for the accident), I've always been nervous about riding with other people. I don't worry about my own safety, but I worry constantly about the safety of others.
In 2018, I changed this by getting my kids on their bikes with me 27 times over the course of the year. They started to get very comfortable and excited about riding. We continued riding last year, and in 2020, I hope to finally get them off their damn training wheels and off our street and into the world.
40. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.
My friend, Bengi, and I lived in a home that became known as the Heavy Metal Playhouse from 1989-1993. It was four of the best years of my life. Enormous parties, the closest of friendships, and the wildness of youth left an indelible mark on me. While I stay in touch with many of my friends from those days, I have not seen many of them in a long time. We have attempted to plan a reunion in the past without success.
In 2016, I tried to plan a reunion but was unable to secure a venue.
In 2017, I tried to plan a reunion but was unable to secure a venue.
In 2018, I didn’t even try to secure a venue.
In 2019, I secured a venue, set a date, and for a moment, had a commitment from enough people to proceed. Then fokks found themselves unable to attend, and I had to postponed the reunion.
I'd really like to make this happen in 2020.
41. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2017 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.
In 2016, I avoided all negative comments related to a person's physical appearance.
In 2017 I avoided all comments, both positive and negative, about the physical appearance of any person save my wife, children, and in-laws in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.
I achieved this goal, and by writing about it, I’ve convinced at least a 14 other people to adopt the policy as well.
For this reason, I will repeat this goal in 2020, even though it's now simply become something I do.
42. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2020.
A completed goal from the last three years that I will repeat in 2020.
43. Play poker at least six times in 2020.
This is a goal that I’ve failed to complete for the last two years, which is ridiculous.
I love poker. I paid for our honeymoon with profits from poker. I made a mortgage payment in 2012 with poker profits. I am a very good poker player who stopped playing regularly in 2015 as I shifted my time to writing and storytelling.
I missed poker a great deal. Six games in 2020 is not an unreasonable goal even though I failed to achieve this goal last year.
44. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.
Bengi and I met in a Milford, MA McDonald's back in 1987, and we have been friends ever since. We once lived together (in the aforementioned Heavy Metal Playhouse) and started our DJ business together back in 1996. We have been through a great deal together, but in the last few years, we have seen less of each other even though we live 15 minutes apart. Our interests have shifted away from the things each likes to do, and our families are demanding more of our time, but that's no excuse for not getting together more often.
Six days is more than reasonable.
NEW PROJECTS45. Understand Instagram better.
I can post photos to Instagram, but that is the extent of my understanding of Instagram.
Instagram stories? I have no idea what they are nor what I might do with them.
Video on Instagram? Is that a thing I should think of doing?
Followers? I have about a thousand followers but have made absolutely no effort to attract any, nor do I know how to attract them.
Even the messages and mentions on Instagram confuse me.
As this platform begins to dominate social media, I need to understand it better. Use it more effectively. I plan on devoting time to this in 2020.
46. Listen to new music via the Billboard Hot 100 Spotify playlist at least four times per month.
Research shows that the music we love from the ages of 16-23 tends to be the music we love most for the rest of our lives. I understand this, but at the same time, I want to hear new music. I’d like to recognize the musicians who appear on Saturday Night Live or the songs my daughter likes. I’m hoping this will increase my awareness of pop music today and perhaps introduce me to new songs that I like.
47. Host a fundraiser for RIP Medical Debt, which would allow us to relieve the medical debt of struggling Americans for pennies on the dollar.
I was inspired by the New York Times story of Carolyn Kenyon and Judith Jones, both of Ithaca, NY, who raised $12,500 and sent it to the debt-forgiveness charity RIP Medical Debt, which then purchased a portfolio of $1.5 million of medical debts on their behalf. As a result, 1,284 New Yorkers were freed over their medical debt.
I love the idea of leveraging pennies on the dollar for an incredible cause, so I intend on doing the same in 2020. I’m not sure how I’ll raise the money yet, but I look forward to exploring options.
48. Complete my Eagle Scout project.
Back in 1988, I was 17 year-old Boy Scout preparing to complete my Eagle Scout service project so I could earn the rank that I had dreamed about for most of my childhood. In truth, I was qualified to earn my Eagle rank almost two years before, having earned the required merit badges and more, but my service project had been sitting on the back burner, waiting to be completed.
I needed a parent or two to light a fire under my butt and support me in this endeavor, but I wasn’t graced with that level of parental involvement at the time.
My plan was to plant trees in a cemetery in my hometown of Blackstone, MA. My troop had planted trees in that same cemetery about five year before, but those trees had died. I wanted to replace them and complete the work that we had originally promised.
Then, on December 23, 1988, I was in a car accident that nearly killed me. As a result of the accident, I was in a full-length leg cast for three months and required an enormous amount of healing and recovery. With just three months left until I turned 18 (the deadline to complete an Eagle service project), my parents requested an extension, and it was denied.
My childhood dream of becoming an Eagle Scout was over. It’s one of my life’s greatest regrets.
Maybe the greatest.
But I recently decided that it would be good to complete that Eagle Scout project even though it won’t come with my much desire Eagle Scout rank.
It feels right. Maybe I’ll feel a little better about the past.
I planned on doing this in 2019 but failed to do anything to achieve this goal. It will be a goal again in 2020.
49. Scan and send photos of Laura to her daughters.
Before she died, my high school sweetheart, Laura, made me promise that I would tell her daughters the stories of our time together in high school when they are old enough to hear. Part of this process is taking the photos of Laura that I have in my photo albums and scanning them for her daughters.
Receiving never-before-seen photos of their mother would probably mean a lot to those girls.
I plan on doing so in 2020.
50. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.
December 31, 2019
Annette Deguire: 1971-2019
I learned yesterday that my former classmate Annette Cassidy has passed away.
I can’t believe it.
Annette was my very first crush. Being seated alphabetically in so many classes, I often found myself sitting behind Annette, whose last name at the time was Deguire. My crush may have been the product of proximity plus her first name - Annette - which was also the first name of my first celebrity crush, Annette Funicello, of Mickey Mouse Club and Hollywood fame.
I would spend my Saturday mornings watching the Creature Double Feature on channel 56, followed by Annette Funicello in films like “Beach Blanket Bingo” and “How to Stuff a Wild Bikini.”
No joke.
It was an interesting pairing:
Godzilla vs. Rodan followed by teenage girls in bikinis. I can’t imagine a better combination for a 12 year-old boy.
But I suspect that my crush on Annette had more to do with how she treated me. In the many years I sat behind her, Annette was nothing but kind to me. Generous and thoughtful and sweet.
The perfect first crush.
I saw Annette just a few months ago in Providence at our 30th reunion. We hadn’t spoken in nearly three decades, but she was just as kind and thoughtful to me that night as she’d always been.
Near the end of the evening, I found myself sitting beside her, chatting about our lives, when she shared a story with me that I’ll never forget.
She told me that sometime near the end of elementary school or the start of middle school, she had invited our entire class to her pool party, but I was the only boy who showed up. She remembered me arriving to the party with my mother in a red convertible - our limping, rusting Mustang - and walking to her front door together. Annette and her mother answered the doorbell and were shocked to see me. Her mother sheepishly explained that I was the only boy who had answered the invitation. She said that I was more than welcome to stay but thought I should know.
I stood there, apparently frozen in terror and uncertainty. Then my mother said, “You don’t have to stay, but it would be great if you did. They’re just your classmates.”
So I did. I was the only boy at Annette’s pool party that day. It was just me and a bunch of girls in swimsuits, oddly recreating the scenes from moves like Beach Blanket Bingo.
“I was always so impressed by that,” Annette said to me that night in Providence so many years later. “Impressed by your mom and impressed by how brave you were to stay. Not many boys your age would’ve stayed at an all-girl’s pool party. And we had a good time. I remember you were funny. You made us laugh a lot. I was always so impressed by you that day. I’ve never forgotten it.”
My mom passed away in 2007, so it’s rare that I get a new story about my mother. When a person dies, the stories of their life eventually slow to a trickle, and every new drop becomes so damn precious.
Annette offered me a real gift that night. She offered me a tiny glimpse of my mother helping her son navigate an awkward situation. A sunny day on the front step of a girl’s house, when Mom said exactly what I needed to hear to be brave.
I don’t remember any of it, but it made a lot of sense considering all that followed.
The next year, Annette’s party was girls-only, which probably made a lot of sense. As funny as I may have been the previous year, it must have been odd to have just one boy at your pool party. But I somehow found out about her party and was angry about not receiving an invitation. I was so upset that I rode my bike over to her house on the day of the party and spied on Annette and her friends from the top of a stand of birch trees.
I also took photos of the party with my mother’s camera.
Creepy, I know. But give me a break. I was a stupid boy, and it was a far more innocent time.
Eventually the police arrived. Annette’s parents or a neighbor probably called them. As I climbed down from my perch at the top of the trees, I tossed my mother’s camera into an old well, thinking that if I disposed of the evidence, the cops couldn’t do anything to me.
I was wrong.
I was driven home in a police car for the first (but not the last) time in my life.
Listening to Annette’s story about me being the only boy at her pool party brought some much-needed light to my attempt to spy on her party that day. I never understood why I was so angry about not being invited to her party,.
Now I know.
More importantly, I have a new vision of my mother on a sunny day, driving in a rusting convertible, walking me to the front door of a girl’s home, and offering me the gentle push I needed to be brave.
Thoughtful and kind as always, Annette gave me that gift on the night of our reunion. It’s a gift I’ll never forget.
My thoughts go out to her friends and family on this terrible day. Annette was a special person who will forever be missed.
