Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 171

February 7, 2020

Professional Best Man (and the amazing things that have happened since I first proposed this job)

In case you’re a new reader (or perhaps forgotten):

Almost a decade ago, I proposed a new job idea:

Professional best man

It remains a role that I am waiting to fill. Let me explain.

Although I’ve met many outstanding best men in my role as a wedding DJ, I also meet many who are too nervous to deliver the toast, too drunk to assist a groom in need, and too disinterested in the role to be of any use.

Besides, why burden your best friend with this role if all he wants to do is have a good time at the wedding as well?

Instead, hire me. Your professional best man.

What, you may ask, are my qualifications for such a job?

They are, admittedly, quite extensive:

I’ve attended more than 500 weddings as a DJ, guest, groom, member of the bridal party, and best man, so there is little that I have not seen. As a result, I will be ready and able to assist in almost every unexpected or unusual circumstance.

My experience and expertise will allow me to ensure that the DJ, photographer, caterer and other professional staff are doing their jobs to the best of their ability and serving the bride and groom to my exceedingly exacting standards.

I have extensive experience in dealing with in-laws, drunken guests, angry girlfriends, belligerent uncles, and any other potentially disruptive wedding attendee and am adept at deflecting these distractions away from the bride and groom.

I can deliver an outstanding toast. I am often instructing tragically unprepared best men on what to say just minutes before their toasts and making them sound quite good.

I am a skilled party planner and will give you the bachelor’s party of your dreams while also ensuring that you do nothing that you will regret the next day.

I possess a wide range of interests and am skilled at ingratiating myself to a wide range of people. I can do jock and nerd equally well and rarely meet someone who I cannot find common ground. We may not be best friends after your wedding, but for the duration of our nuptials, I will be surprisingly likable and chameleon-like in my ability to blend in with your group of friends.

And who knows? One of my best friends is a former DJ client. It could happen for you, too.

And what if you want to hire a professional best man but have a friend who also wants the job and would be upset to learn that you went with a professional?

No problem. Simply have two best men.

One who will get drunk during the cocktail hour, hit on one of the bridesmaids during photos, deliver a humorless speech, and forget to end it with an actual toast.

The other will not drink at your wedding except when capping off an amusing and heartfelt toast, will keep your best interests in mind at all times, and is skilled and experienced enough to ensure that everything goes smoothly on your wedding day.

Don’t you deserve another friend on your wedding day?

A friend absent of personal needs and petty grievances.

A friend who will guide you through and past every awkward, annoying, unfortunate, and potentially disastrous moment of your wedding.

Don’t you deserve the services of a professional on your wedding day?

A professional best man.

Since I proposed this idea back in 2011, a number of surprising things have happened:

Three grooms have attempted to hire me. Two lived in California and one lived in the UK, and their wedding dates dd not align to my schedule, so I had to decline.

One groom hired me, explaining that he was marrying a woman whose culture demanded that the best man be an unmarried, never-before-married friend, and he had no one in his life who met these qualifications. I explained that I did not meet the qualifications, either, but he didn't care. He planned to lie to his fiancee and tell her that I was a lifelong bachelor. Elysha wasn't pleased with this ruse, but I agreed. After hiring me and planning for six months, he backed out without explanation.

A bride strongly considered hiring me for her husband, who is "a great guy" but lacks any real close friends. Ultimately she decided that hiring me might hurt her fiancee's feelings and decided against it.

At least three television producers - two reality show producers and one documentarian - have contacted me about appearing in their television shows. We explored the possibility in all three instances, but nothing came of it.

When The Wedding Ringer, a film about a professional best man, came out in 2015, the actor and star of the film, Kevin Hart, contacted me, crediting me with coming up with the idea first.

I await the next step in this journey to make this job a reality. At least once.

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Published on February 07, 2020 03:42

February 6, 2020

The Super Bowl halftime show and storytelling have a lot in common

As I watched the Super Bowl halftime show on Sunday, I found myself wondering if Jennifer Lopez and Shakira were lip syncing their performance.

It sure looked like it.

I turned to the Internet for answers and discovered that most Super Bowl halftime performers lip sync at least some of their act. So, too, does the person singing the national anthem.

The NFL actually recommends it.

There was also a great deal of backlash on the Internet about this practice. Earlier in the week, Lady Gaga even warned Shakira and Lopez that she "didn't want to see any lip syncing," and fans traditionally despise the practice.

I attended a Britney Spears concert years ago, and that entire show was lip synced. I hated every minute of it.

I found myself wondering:

Would fans prefer a sonically flawless performance that is pre-recorded and lip synced, or would they prefer a performance that is far from perfect but performed live.

I think they would almost always prefer the latter, because the latter allows for authenticity and vulnerability. It's real. We like to watch live events because the performer is putting their soul on the line. Whether it's a football player or comic or trapeze artist, that person is performing live, and anything could happen.

Performing live requires expertise and skill and courage. It's the courage we admire most.

As human beings, we are drawn to vulnerability and the bravery that it requires. The courage to put everything on the line in a public way.

I think the same thing about storytelling. When a storyteller takes the stage and shares a bit of her life, the audience is drawn to the vulnerability on display.

This s one of many reasons why I advise storytellers not to memorize their stories word-for-word. Audiences do not want word callers reciting perfectly memorized lines to an audience. They do not want monologists. They want to feel like the storyteller is speaking from the heart. This is why we tell stories without notes, and it's why there is an enormous difference between a writer reading a story to the audience and a storyteller telling a story to the audience.

Reading is easy. Telling is hard.

Audiences don't expect your story to be unprepared, but they also don't want to think that the storyteller is simply reciting 847 perfectly memorized words.

Audiences do not want perfection. They want something real.

In fact, imperfection in storytelling is a beautiful thing. It's a signal to the audience that the storyteller is speaking from the heart and not from a script.

Just think about that Super Bowl halftime show:

Did you love that sonically-pure performance? Or would you have preferred to hear those performers sing live, risking mistakes, with all of the imperfections that a live performance would've surely contained?

Sonic perfection belongs on the radio. Not on the stage.

The same is true for storytelling.

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Published on February 06, 2020 03:56

February 5, 2020

Speak Up Storytelling #84: Matthew Dicks

On episode #84 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, I analyze my own story "Turtle" in an episode we call Storytelling Forensics.

LINKS

Purchase Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling

Purchase Twenty-one Truths About Love

Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne

Matthew Dicks's website: http://www.matthewdicks.com

Matthew Dicks's YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/matthewjohndicks

Matthew Dicks's blog:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicksblog

Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's weekly newsletter:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicks-subscribe

Subscribe to the Speak Up newsletter:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-speak-up

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Published on February 05, 2020 03:51

February 4, 2020

Parents extrapolate.

Here’s the problem with the parents of children older than your own:

Parents extrapolate. They assume that their experiences will be your experiences, even though almost every variable in their parenting equation is different than every variable in your own equation.

I hate this so very much. These doomsayers assume that their struggles will be your own. They think that their failures will be your failures. Their children’s troublemaking will be the same as your own children’s troublemaking.

I really, really hate this.

Years ago, before Elysha and I had children, I had friends whose daughter spent the first six years of her life sleeping in their bed.

Every night without exception.

When my friend told me this, I was shocked. I knew of parents whose children would often climb into their parents’ bed in the middle of the night, and I even knew parents who would spend a significant amount of time sleeping in their child’s bed until their kid fell asleep, but a child just flat-out sleeping in her parents’ bed every night?

I ‘d never heard of this, but I was absolutely certain that I didn’t want any part of it.

My friend assured me that I would suffer the same fate. “Everyone does it,” she said. “No one talks about it. You just wait and see.”

Thought I later discovered that this sleeping arrangement is more common than I once thought, I explained to my friend that I did not think this would happen to us.

My friend was visibly annoyed by my confidence.

But I was right. Other than the rare nightmare or excessively loud thunderstorm, my children have never slept in our bed. They may climb into our bed in the morning after I’ve departed to cuddle with Elysha for a while, but sleeping in our bed or even in our bedroom has never happened.

I’m not saying it was easy to sleep-train our children. It required the willingness to say no many times and even listen to them cry on those first few nights when we moved them from cradle to crib, but today my kids are outstanding sleepers who love their beds and the personal space it affords.

The same has been true about so many things. I’ve had parents assure me that when my kids are in high school, drinking alcohol will be so ubiquitous that we’ll be hosting parties in order to keep our kids safe, even though both Elysha and I never touched a drop of alcohol in high school.

If we managed to avoid drinking until after high school, isn’t it least possible that our kids will, too?

Can’t we at least entertain the possibility?

Parents have told me about how it would be impossible to avoid getting our child a cell phone once she’s in middle school, even though our middle school daughter does not currently have a phone and, at least for now, does not want a phone.

We were told that we wouldn’t see movies for the first 5-10 years of parenthood.

Not true. We saw 29 movies in the first two years of Clara’s life. Many at the drive-in while Clara quietly slept in the backseat.

We were told that it would be impossible to leave our infant with a babysitter and feel safe.

Not true. Our babysitters have become like family to us.

I was warned that my son would constantly pee on me while changing his diaper. While this occasionally happened to Elysha, he never once peed on me.

This is not to say that our children are perfect or easy in any way. It simply means that our variables are different than the variables of other parents, so our problems are different, too. Some of our struggles may be similar to the struggles of other parents, but I would never presume that this would be true in all cases.

I avoid extrapolation at all costs. I never assume that my son’s annoying habits will be the same for you. I would never tell the parent of a child who is younger than mine to expect the same things that I have experienced, yet so many parents so this all the time.

They extrapolate.

They assume that their variables and the resulting conditions of those variables will be the variables and resulting conditions of every other parent.

This is ridiculous, and it annoys me.

It causes parents to say things like, “Oh, you just wait…” and “You think it’s hard now…”

Please don’t do this. If you’re already doing it, stop.

Not only is your persistent negativity and extrapolated assumptions unwarranted, unnecessary, and cruel, but you’re often wrong.

Your predictions suck.

If a parent asks you for advice, offer it.

If a parent looks like they need help, offer assistance.

Be helpful, positive, and kind. Please?

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Published on February 04, 2020 03:32

Super Bowl commercials feature a big mistake, a bold move, and love.

I did not enjoy the Super Bowl very much this year.

After watching the Patriots play in three straight Super Bowls and 4 of the last 5 (and 5 of the last 8), it’s no fun watching two other teams play in the big game.

Spoiled? Sure. The team that I love, whose games I attend regularly, has kicked the ass of the opposition for so many years that they have spoiled me.

A friend of mine sent me this moment from The Simpsons that perfectly describes the feelings of a New England Patriots fan:

Homer: Mr Burns you must be the richest guy in the world.
Mr Burns: Yes, but I’d trade it all... for just a little bit more.

We’re also awaiting our new living room furniture, so I watched the game while sitting on a dining room chair in an otherwise empty room.

This may have contributed to my lack of enjoyment.

But yes, it was football, which I enjoy watching regardless of the team, and the commercials are always fun to watch.

The commercial moment that caught my attention this year was a combination of two commercials.

First there was the Google ad, which demonstrated how precious and important photos and the memories attached to them can be with the perfect combination of nostalgia, heartbreak, and joy.

It was a tremendously effective ad. When it finished, there were tears in my eyes.

Then the commercial for Sabra Hummus appeared. An excellent and amusing ad featuring several celebrities and the first drag queens ever in a Super Bowl commercial, so in that sense, ground breaking.

But also terrible. Terrible in that it followed the Google ad and was so jarring in tone, language, and even color that it annoyed me. Still recovering from the emotions of Google ad, I I barely registered the Sabra ad the first time. It felt like an intrusion. With tears in my eyes and thoughts of life, death, and the importance of capturing memories in my mind, my senses were suddenly assaulted by the energy and humor of this ad.

It made me despise Sabra hummus.

It was a bad moment for Sabra. After spending millions of dollars on a 30-second Super Bowl spot, they allowed their ad to run immediately following a Google ad that was three times as long and deeply moving.

Not good.

Even worse, the commercial after the Sabra ad was a WaetherTech ad about veterinarians who saved a dog’s life after a life threatening heart condition left the dog with less than a 1% chance of surviving.

This commercial should’ve followed the Google commercial. In fact, had the Sabra ad and the WeatherTech ad been flipped, all would have been well. The Google ad leaves you with tears in your eyes and thoughts of loved ones both alive and gone, but the WeatherTech ad ends with uplift and inspiration. It ends with a dog running on a beach.

It primes you for something fun.

Also, the Google ad ends with the sounds of a dog, which would’ve blended perfectly into the WeatherTech ad.

With all the money being spent on Super Bowl commercials, I’m shocked that more thought is not put into the order of commercials. I already work as a consultant for a large advertising firm. Companies would be wise to also hire me to consult on how to tell their story in the midst of other stories.

Three other things that I noted about the Super Bowl commercials:

Tide owned the night with its integration into ads and ongoing story throughout the night.

Brilliant.

The fact that Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi - an openly gay couple - starred in a Super Bowl commercial was fantastic. As the commercial aired, I thought about all the bigots in America who think that they get to define appropriate love based upon some buffet-style Bible nonsense or just old fashioned “You don’t look like me” bigotry and hoped they got the message:

We’re done with you and your ancient, bigoted beliefs. Grow up or go away.

In fact, there were arguably same-sex couples in at least two other ads, too. With the country watching, love was on display, regardless of gender.

I liked many of the ads this year, but for me, the Snickers ad tickled me the most.

The Tom Brady Hulu ad was pretty great, too, but I'd really like some assurances that he will be playing for the Patriots next year.

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Published on February 04, 2020 02:17

February 2, 2020

Moments of Note 2019

If you’re a regular reader, you know that I recommend keeping a running record of what I call “Moments of Note” during the course of the year as a means of preserving the most meaningful events of the year.

It’s my way of not allowing any year to slip away without notice (which is what we so often do).

Then, when the year is finally complete, I review the list in order to look back on the previous year and acknowledge that stuff happened. The year mattered. I did some things. I didn’t waste my time.

I did that this morning, reading and revising the list so I could post it today. The list won’t mean anything to you, but as I read through each item, I felt an enormous sense of satisfaction for a year lived well. It made me feel very good about my most recent trip around the sun.

It was also a lot of fun reliving my year and remembering all the moments that made it special.

Like I said, my list will mean nothing to you, but your list would mean the world to you, so if you’re not already keeping one, start today.

MOMENTS OF NOTE 2019

I was awarded a federal trademark for the concept of “Homework for Life.”

I attended the Patriots playoff game, where they beat the San Diego Chargers 41-28.

Elysha and I saw Elton John in what is supposedly his final tour.

I won the Valley Voices Story Slam Championship in North Hampton, MA.

The Patriots won the Super Bowl for the fifth time.

I delivered the keynote address for the Literacy Volunteers of Central CT gala.

I taught storytelling and communication strategies at MIT.

I began consulting for one of the largest advertising firms in the country.

We attended Clara and Charlie’s dance recital.

Charlie started playing Little League baseball.

I spent three days in Vermont working on storytelling with a small group of attorneys.

We made our first trip to Disney World in Florida.

Elysha and I saw the 20th anniversary revival of Rent.

I spoke to an audience of 2,000 at the Yale-New Haven Hospital conference at the Oakdale.

I delivered the keynote at the Newington High School alternative graduation program.

I taught storytelling workshops here in Hartford to attendees from Maryland, Kansas City, Montreal, Philly, Mexico City, and Orlando.

I taught a summertime storytelling bootcamp in Hartford to students from China, British Columbia, San Diego, and Chicago.

Elysha started gardening.

Elysha and I saw Hamilton.

Charlie and I marched in the Memorial Day parade with his baseball team.

I performed stand up six times.

Elysha and I produced 17 Speak Up shows at Infinity Hall, the Connecticut Historical Society, Real Art Ways, and several solo show locations.

We spent a week visiting our friends, Plato and Sharon, on Whidbey Island, in Washington.

I taught a workshop and performed my solo show at the Taproot Theater in Seattle. Elysha played her ukulele and sang publicly for just the second time.

I published my sixth book, “Twenty-one Truths About Love.”

I won 8 Moth StorySLAMs, including my first in Seattle.

I competed in four Moth GrandSLAM competitions in New York and Boston.

We became members of Winding Trails and spent endless summer days on the beach.

Elysha and I celebrated one year of podcasting.

I directed Carla Katz’s solo show.

Charlie was elected to the student senate.

Clara and Charlie attended Winding Trails summer camp for two weeks and loved it.

Clara finished elementary school and began middle school.

I wrote for Lisa Lampanelli’s theater show.

I began taking golf lessons.

I officiated the wedding of one of my very first students.

I spoke at Grand Rounds at Yale University.

I spoke to 500 state and federal prosecutors in Indianapolis, Indiana.

“Greetings Little One” became a book (six books in all).

Our cat, Pluto, died and was then resuscitated via CPR, giving him and I something uniquely in common.

Elysha and I attended an Elvis Costello/Blondie concert.

Charlie swallowed a marble.

Our bathroom was finally remodeled.

Our driveway was finally repaved.

I attended seven New England Patriots games with my friends Shep and Scott.

I surprised Elysha with a weekend getaway to Dorsett, VT.

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Published on February 02, 2020 04:07

February 1, 2020

Resolution update: January 2020

PERSONAL FITNESS

1. Don’t die.

My annual physical was filled with good news. My cholesterol is slightly elevated, but my calcium scoring (an indication of the likely amount of plaque in my arteries by scanning the calcium build-up in my heart) was zero, and all my other numbers were good.

I’m eating more oatmeal and slightly fewer cheeseburgers to lower my cholesterol back to normal levels, but otherwise, I’m as healthy as an ox.

2. Lose 20 pounds.

I lost 12 pounds in January. More weight than I lost all last year. I’m kind of astounded.

I accomplished this by some simple switches to my routine:

Daily calorie and exercise accounting on an app
No more visits to the vending machine at work
An increased level of intensity at the gym

I’ve also identified snacks that I enjoy that are also low in calories for those times between meals when I’m hungry.

12 pounds! At this rate, I could disappear completely by June.

3. Eat at least three servings of fruits and/or vegetables per day, six days a week.

Done! I counted orange juice as a fruit on a handful of days, bot too bad. It’s kind of a fruit.

4. Do at least 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, and 3 one-minute planks for five days a week.

Done. I did not miss a single day in January.

5. Set a new personal best in golf.

The golf courses were not open in January.

My friends went on a golf weekend to Florida, but I couldn’t go. I was supposed to be speaking at a conference. The conference was cancelled and I was paid half my fee to do nothing, which is always amazing, but in this case, I would’ve much rather joined by friends in Florida.

WRITING CAREER

6. Complete my seventh novel before the end of 2020.

I’m hit a teeny tiny bump. For the sixth time in my writing career, my editor has moved onto another publishing house, leaving me in that terrified position of hoping that the editor who has been assigned to me loves my work and is excited about my next book.

It really is terrifying. Also, losing that many editors is ridiculous and not normal, but what more would you expect from my life?

I’m meeting my new editor in February, so before I proceed with the novel I have been writing, I’m going to meet her, hope she loves me, and hope she really loves my idea for the next book.

So I’m on hold until later this month.

In the meantime, I’ve sent a pitch for my next non-fiction title to my agent and begun writing another non-fiction book because I’m crazy.

7. Write/complete at least five new picture books, including one with a female, non-white protagonist.

No progress.

8. Write a memoir.

Writing continues. Rather slowly.

9. Write a new screenplay.

No progress.

10. Submit at least five Op-Ed pieces to The New York Times for consideration.

None submitted in January.

11. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

None submitted in January.

12. Select two behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

No behaviors identified or attempted in January.

Any ideas?

13. Increase my newsletter subscriber base to 5,000.

I added 111 subscribers in January for a total of 4,046. Well on pace to reach my goal.

If you’d like to sign up for my newsletter, you can do so here:

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Thank you!

14. Write at least six letters to my father.

None written in January.

15. Write 100 letters in 2020.

Four letters written in January. Well below the monthly amount needed to reach my goal.

16. Convert 365 Days of Elysha into a book.

No progress.

17. Complete and release my limited episode podcast on “Twenty-One Truths About Love.”

The podcast is nearly complete. Episodes with my editor, the cover designer, and more are ready to go. I need to record the first episode with Elysha and finish editing the last one and it will be ready to launch.

STORYTELLING/SPEAKING CAREER

18. Produce a total of 12 Speak Up storytelling events.

One show produced in January:

A sold out performance at the Wadsworth Atheneum.

19. Pitch myself to at least 5 upcoming TEDx events with the hopes of being accepted by one.

No progress. I’ll be speaking at a TEDx event in the Berkshires in April, but I booked that gig last year.

20. Attend at least 15 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

No Moth attended attended in January.

21. Win at least three Moth StorySLAMs.

No Moth events attended in January. Hard to win if you don’t play.

22. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

I’ll be competing in my 27th Moth GrandSLAM in February.

I like my story a lot.

23. Produce at least 40 episodes of our new podcast Speak Up Storytelling.

Elysha and I produced four episodes in January.

Our latest dropped on Wednesday! Subscribe today!

24. Begin providing transcriptions of each episode of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast.

No progress.

25. Explore the monetization of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast.

I set up our Patreon page in January and identified possible perks for Patreon contributions. I am nearly ready to move forward on this.

26. Perform stand up at least six times in 2020.

No performances in January.

27. Pitch at least three stories to This American Life.

No stories pitched in January.

28. Pitch myself to Marc Maron’s WTF podcast at least three times.

No pitches send in January.

29. Produce at least one new video for my YouTube channel each month.

Done. I posted a brand new story plus a video that shows me playing my 3-2-1 storytelling improv game.

Subscribe to my YouTube channel here.

Watch me model 3-2-1 here.

30. Find a means of producing my storytelling instruction for an online platform.

No progress in January.

HOME

31. Print, hang, and/or display at least 25 prints, photos, or portraits in our home.

Walls were painted in our backroom, so we can now begin hanging prints and portraits in that room. The rest of the house will be painted soon.

32. Replace the 12 ancient, energy-inefficient windows in our home with new windows that will keep the cold out and actually open in the warmer months.

Estimates have been obtained and a company has been chosen. It looks like we’ll be replacing 18 windows. The project will likely commence in March.

33. Clear the basement.

No progress.

34. Refinish the hardwood floors.

This might be a problem. Hardwood floors require at least a few days to be completed, and we have cats. The cats will absolutely not stay with anyone else while the floors are being done, so what the hell are we going to do?

35. Purchase a new television.

Done! It’s large and beautiful and professionally mounted to the wall.

FAMILY/FRIENDS

36. Take at least one photo of my children every day.

I missed 7 days in January. I need to somehow make this a habit.

37. Take at least one photo with Elysha and myself each week.

No photos of Elysha and me in January. Again, I need to find a way to make this a habit.

38. Cook at least 12 good meals (averaging one per month) in 2020.

One meal was cooked for my family in January. I over-salted the potatoes and replied on a rotisserie chicken,. but Elysha really liked my carrots.

39. Ride my bike with my kids at least 25 times in 2020.

No progress. It’s January in new England.

40. Plan a reunion of the Heavy Metal Playhouse.

No progress.

41. I will not comment, positively or negatively, about physical appearance of any person save my wife and children, in 2017 in an effort to reduce the focus on physical appearance in our culture overall.

In response to Donald Trump’s negative comments about several people’s physical appearance on Twitter, I sent him a tweet insulting his physical appearance.

It was liked and retweeted thousands of times, but I wish I hadn’t done it. I was angry.

42. Surprise Elysha at least six times in 2020.

I sent Elysha a bouquet of flowers to her workplace on her birthday.

I’ve also prepared two other surprises.

One done so far.

43. Play poker at least six times in 2020.

I played poker once in January. It was a disturbing game. I busted out twice in the first three hours, which is not my typical result. I don’t always win, but I always finish in the black.

I redeemed myself by winning the first tournament and finishing in second place in the second tournament, resulting in an overall profit for the night, but for about three hours, it was like I’d forgotten how to play poker.

44. Spend at least six days with my best friend of more than 30 years.

No progress.

NEW PROJECTS

45. Understand Instagram better.

No progress.

46. Listen to new music via the Billboard Hot 100 Spotify playlist at least four times per month.

Done! It’s interesting… I’m finding songs I like, but more fascinating, I’m discovering the kinds of songs I like by listening to 20-40 new songs per month and knowing almost immediately if I’m going to like the song.

The top two songs on the Billboard 100 in the middle of January used the n-word at least a dozen times between them. Given that I like to sing along with music, this didn’t work for me, and frankly, I just didn’t want to hear it. I’m not opposed to African-Americans using the word, but when it comes to music, it’s not for me.

It turns out that I tend to like songs that are sonically simple - easily identified instrumentation - and possess strong, clear, narrative lyrics.

Songs that I especially liked in January were Memories, Circles, Lose You To Lose Me, Good As Hell.

47. Host a fundraiser for RIP Medical Debt, which would allow us to relieve the medical debt of struggling Americans for pennies on the dollar.

No progress.

48. Complete my Eagle Scout project.

No progress.

49. Scan and send photos of Laura to her daughters.

No progress.

50. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog and social media on the first day of every month.

Done.

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Published on February 01, 2020 04:59

January 31, 2020

The library is the most popular cultural destination in America in 2019, but not for me.

Gallup released its survey of the most common cultural destinations for Americans in 2019.

The most popular cultural destination by far was the library, averaging 10.5 visits in 2019.

As an author, I’m thrilled to hear that reading books is alive and well in America, but I’m also a bit torn. I hope some of those library visitors are also going to bookstores and purchasing books, too.

Twenty-one Truths About Love, Storyworthy, and four other novels in particular.

Women also visited libraries twice as much as men, proving once again that they should rule the world.

As for me, I far exceeded the average of 10.5 visits in 2019. Between speaking at libraries and bringing my children, I probably doubled that number in 2019.

Next was going to the movies at a theater, which averaged 5.3 times last year.

I can recall seeing at least 6 movies in the theater last year, but we would see many, many more if our daughter, Clara, and to some degree, our son, Charlie, weren’t so opposed to going to the movie theater. Clara doesn’t like movies very much, eschewing conflict whenever possible, and Charlie is picky about the movies he wants to see.

It makes Elysha and me crazy. When they are old enough to be left alone, Elysha and I will be leaving them behind often to go to the movies.

I’d like to also point out that since the kids have been born, Elysha and I have seen about half a dozen movies per year, and in some years, many more.

A lot of terrible, self-loathing human beings took great joy in telling us that it would be years before we could return to the movie theater after having children. Despite the existence of our kids, we have continued to see movies at the national average.

The average American attended a live sporting event 4.7 times per year.

I far exceeded this total, attending seven Patriots games and a couple minor league baseball games in 2019.

Concerts or theater events came in next at 3.8 times in 2019.

Once again, I far exceeded this number in 2019. Elysha and I saw Elton John and Elvis Costello and Blondie in concert, plus Hamilton and Rent in the theater. We took the kids to the circus. We also attended a Moth Mainstage in New Haven, a handful of comedy shows including Lisa Lampanelli’s “Losin’ It” (on which I am now a credited writer), and several smaller events like concerts in the park. Add to this list the theater shows that we saw during our week at Disney, and this easily becomes our most popular cultural destination.

If I add in the theater events that I produced and events in which I performed, the number gets even larger.

The average American visited national parks 3.7 times in 2019. I visited many parks in 2019, and I also hiked local trails and visited state parks like Gillette Castle, but in terms of national parks, I haven’t visited one of those… ever?

Wow. I’m not sure if I’ve ever visited a national park.

Americans visited museums 2.5 times in 2019. Thanks to our children, we far exceeded this number. I suspect that visiting a museum is my children’s favorite cultural destination, and they would be happy if we took them to one every weekend.

It’s a little annoying.

Americans visited casinos 2.5 times in 2019. Elysha and I saw the Elvis Costello/Blondie concert in a casino, but other than quickly passing through the casino to each the theater and eating a quick burger in a restaurant, we actively and aggressively avoid casinos whenever possible. I play poker (which is not actually gambling), and for a time, played often enough and well enough to pay for our honeymoon and make two mortgage payments from my income, but I’ve only played poker at a casino a handful of times.

Most of my poker profits came from online play before it was made illegal in 2011.

Elysha and I can’t stand casinos. The cigarette smoking is enough to send us running, but the whole place makes us a little crazy. Watching small children awake around midnight, playing games in the arcade or calling for their parents from just beyond the slot machines, hurts our hearts.

There is a palpable feeling of sadness and desperation in a casino that I detest.

Rounding out the list of cultural destination is the zoo, at 0.9 visits in 2019.

We visited Animal Kingdom while in Disney in 2019, and we tend to visit the zoo once or twice each year.

Overall I'm pleased with the culture that we experienced in 2019.

More movies, maybe a national park or two, and perhaps a couple more Patriots playoff games would've been nice, but you can't have everything.

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Published on January 31, 2020 03:34

January 30, 2020

This was me.

The crazy thing about this outstanding ad (at least for me) is that for the first half of my life, I spoke just like this.

I have video of myself prior to moving to Connecticut, and in this clips, I sound exactly like this, in accent, word choice, and even attitude.

My children hear the accent slip out from time to time, as do my students. Certain sentences - depending on the collection of words they contain - are difficult for me. I’ve actually altered the vocabulary in some of the sentences I speak onstage for this very reason.

And when I spend the day at a Patriots game or with friends or family who speak like this, it comes right back for a time.

It’s like another version of me, hidden somewhere inside my body, leaking out from time to time, just waiting to spring forth and take over again.

When I moved to Connecticut back in 1993, my first job was working for the now defunct Back of Hartford. I answered the phone about half a dozen times on my first day, saying, “Bank of Hartford, how may I help you?” before my manager finally asked me to stop answering the phones.

“Bank of Hartford” was coming out like “Bank of Haht-fud.”

Also, when I first moved to Connecticut, everyone thought I was angry and aggressive. All the time.

Some might still think this today.

For the record, this ad handles the Boston-area accent exceptionally well, probably because Krasinski, Dratch, and Evans are all originally from the Boston area. Evans sounds the most authentic to me. Krasinski’s accent sounds a tiny bit off, but overall all three actors nail it.

The New York Post describes the ad by saying that “Massachusetts natives Chris Evans, John Krasinski and Rachel Dratch argue in exaggerated Boston accents.”

The New York Post is wrong. Those accents aren’t exaggerated. This is how people living in the Boston area all their lives sound.

Evan’s opening line, both in words, attitude, and accent, is just perfect, and Krasinski’s reference to Evans as “Kid” is exactly Bostonian. Even the list of places where Krasinski has parked his car is just right.

I’ve heard a lot of bad Boston accents in my time. Credit Hyundai and the folks at Innocean for getting this one right.

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Published on January 30, 2020 03:49