Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 173
January 18, 2020
Leave my Diet Coke alone
This is a real thing that has happened to me many times.
I’m drinking from a bottle of Diet Coke. Standing beside me is someone drinking a coffee.
A third party (or the coffee drinker) comments on the unhealthy nature of my beverage choice, even though the coffee drinker is consuming a beverage with more caffeine, more calories, and potentially the same or similar type of sweetener as my soda.
I know it sounds crazy, but if you’re a Diet Coke drinker, you know that this happens more often than you’d ever expect,. Walk around the world with a Diet Coke in your hand for a week and count the number of people - friends, colleagues, and strangers - who feel the need to tell you about the unhealthy nature of your beverage choice.
It’s more than you think.
Frankly, one is too many.
Yesterday, someone criticized my Diet Coke consumption even though he was admittedly on his second cup of coffee that morning (complete with cream and Splenda) and would likely be drinking 3-4 beers later that night.
I don’t drink coffee - I’ve never even tasted it - and I don’t drink alcohol, yet my three Diet Cokes are somehow worse in people’s minds than the coffee and alcohol that many people consume on a daily basis.
It’s crazy.
Here’s something even crazier:
Switch from Diet Coke to either a diet root beer or any soda from a local bottler and no one says a word to you. I sometimes drink Diet AW Root Beer. When I do, I don’t hear a single warning or complaint from anyone. And if I’m drinking an Avery’s soda of any kind, from a local, independent bottler, no one cares at all.
In fact, I’m sometimes complimented on my decision to buy local.
All of this is to say that when it comes to food and drink, people are illogical, judgmental, and full of implicit bias.
I was once fond of saying that food shaming was the last bastion of publicly accepted bigotry in this country, but then we elected a bigoted President who refers to African nations as “shit-hole countries,” tells African American and Puerto Rican Congresspeople to “go back from where they came,” separates families and cages immigrant children on the border, claims that a judge can’t be fair because of his Mexican heritage, refers to white supremacists as “very fine people,” was sued twice by the Justice Department for refusing to renting to people of color, and employs self-acknowledged white nationalists like Stephen Miller, all the while Republicans stand behind him in lock-step, so I guess I was wrong.
For at least 40-45% of the nation, old fashioned racial bigotry is alive, well, and publicly accepted.
Still, the whole Diet Coke thing infuriates me.
January 17, 2020
Your regional dialect does not make you special
As you may know, New Yorkers have an interesting way of stating that they are standing in a singular column of fellow human beings.
Rather than saying that they are standing “in line,” they say that they’re standing “on line.”
With this understanding, I would like to posit that there are two distinct types of New Yorkers:
Those New Yorkers who say “on line” in the same way I say bubbler” for a drinking fountain and “yard sale” for what people in Connecticut call a “tag sale. The simple recognition that variations in regional vocabulary are normal and common.
Those New Yorkers who weirdly wear “on line” as some kind of underserved and irrelevant badge of honor, pointing out - whenever possible - that they say “online” because they are a New Yorkers, and New Yorkers say “on line.”
I’m inclined to say that there are more of the latter than the former, but perhaps my utter loathing of the latter have caused them to make a much larger impression in my mind.
January 16, 2020
Comedy mastermind
Charlie is a seven year-old boy, so he likes jokes involving poop, vomit, and butts.
It’s kind of hilarious but also a little tiresome.
Recently I forbade him from using the word “butt” for the rest of the day. I’d heard enough “butt” jokes to last a lifetime.
In response, Charlie drew this.
He’s nothing if not persistent.
January 15, 2020
Speak Up Storytelling #81: Devan Sandiford
On episode #81 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, Matthew and Elysha Dicks talk storytelling!
In our follow up segment, we share about upcoming events in the Speak Up realm and update you on the condition of Nana!
STORYTELLING SHOWS 2020
February 8: “Storytelling for Students” at Henry A. Wolcott School, West Hartford, CT
February 22: “Leap: Stories of Daring Risks and Epic Failures” at Bears Smokehouse/District, New Haven, CT
March 21: Great Hartford StorySlam, Hartford Flavor Company
STORYTELLING WORKSHOPS 2020
February 1: Storytelling workshop (Beginner), CT Historical Society
February 22: Storytelling workshop (Advanced), CT Historical Society
March 7: Storytelling workshop (Master class), CT Historical Society
March 21: Storytelling workshop (Advanced), CT Historical Society
In our Homework for Life segment, we talk about strategies that storytellers can use to cause an audience to experience emotions similar to the emotions the storyteller experienced within the story.
Next we listen to a story by Devan Sandiford.
Amongst the many things we discuss include:
Excellent opening sentences.
Delivery as a key element to humor
Identifying race without identifying skin color
Allowing scenes to unfold for the audience like they unfolded for the storyteller
Avoiding sentences that telegraph the next moment
Next we answer questions from listeners about visions in storytelling and the use of thesis statements when preparing to craft a story.
Lastly, we each offer a recommendation.
RECOMMEDATIONS
Elysha:
Little Women (film)
How Greta Gerwig Built Her Little Women: https://nyti.ms/30vgVQ5
Does the Academy Think Little Women Directed Itself? http://bit.ly/30jj3di
Matt:
Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics: https://amzn.to/3a4nX2x
LINKS
Coming to terms with being an imperfect dad: https://wapo.st/2NsNxo5
Purchase Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling: https://amzn.to/2H3YNn3
Purchase Twenty-one Truths About Love: https://amzn.to/35Mz1xS
Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne
Matthew Dicks's website: http://www.matthewdicks.com
Matthew Dicks's YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/matthewjohndicks
Matthew Dicks's blog:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicksblog
Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's weekly newsletter:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicks-subscribe
Subscribe to the Speak Up newsletter:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-speak-up
Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's blog:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-grin-and-bare-it
January 14, 2020
Damn, One Million Moms! You are so damn stupid!
Activist conservative group and rabid anti-LGBTQ bigots One Million Moms (which at best has about 170,000 members) is taking aim at Burger King for using what it calls the "d-word" in a commercial promoting its Impossible Whopper.
In the ad, a group of people taste-test the Impossible Whopper, then one man says, "Damn, that's good."
I know what you’re thinking:
Blasphemy of the highest order.
In response to this egregious use of the word “damn” in the commercial, One Million Moms offered this measured response:
"Burger King's Impossible Whopper ad is irresponsible and tasteless. It is extremely destructive and damaging to impressionable children viewing the commercial. We all know children repeat what they hear."
Here is what I think:
The mere existence of One Million Moms is extremely destructive and damaging to the word “mom” and all that it connotes.
How dare this bunch of hateful bigots malign mothers everywhere by taking on the name of an institution as treasured as motherhood.
I also think that ignorant bigots who attack the basic human rights of members of the LGBTQ community have a lot more to account for than Burger King’s use of a word as utterly benign as “damn.”
In an effort to let them know how I feel, I subscribed to the One Million Moms newsletter a dozen times this morning using the word “damn” in every field.
Even the state and zip code.
Happily, the idiots at One Million have created a moronic subscription form that accepts the same responses again and again as a new and separate subscription and allows you to use non-numerics in fields asking for zip codes.
Not surprising, they are hateful, bigoted, ignorant, and technologically sophomoric.
January 13, 2020
I managed a McDonald's restaurant last night. I'm so annoyed about it.
I started working for McDonald’s in Milford, Massachusetts in 1987 when I was 16 years-old.
Within a year, I was promoted to manager while still in high school, studying my management training binders while sitting math class. During my senior year of high school, I was working more than 40 hours a week for many weeks while taking a full class load.
So dumb.
After high school, I moved in with friends and continued to manage the McDonald’s in Milford. Having been kicked out of my home, I was happy to have a job and a regular paycheck. I was eventually promoted to Second and then First Assistant manager and sent to management restaurants in Norwood, Hanson, Brockton, and finally Bourne.
In 1993, while managing the Bourne restaurant, I was fired from McDonald’s after a $7,000 deposit went missing and the police arrested and charged me with the crime. While my trial was pending, I went back to work for a different McDonald’s restaurant in Brockton. This was a franchise store, so the owner, Andy Cheung, was free to hire me. I worked from 5:00 PM until 1:00 AM, five nights a week, while working during the day at South Shore Bank in Stoughton, Massachusetts.
I was working more than 80 hours per week in order to save the $25,000 legal fee that my attorney required for what ultimately resulted in a single day of work.
Oddly enough, both South Shore Bank (where that $7,000 deposit was supposed to have been deposited) and McDonald’s would ultimately testify against me in the trial, even though I was also working for both of them.
The judge was quite confused. So were the legal representatives from South Shore Bank and McDonald’s. Neither knew that I was actually working for their companies when they arrived in court that day.
When I was found not guilty, I moved to Connecticut, and after working for almost a year at the now-defunct Bank of Hartford, I went to work for the McDonald’s restaurant on Prospect Avenue in Hartford in hopes of finding a flexible schedule that would allow my dream of going to college to finally become a reality. This was a company owned restaurant, but they didn’t know about my history in Massachusetts, so I was hired on the spot.
Former McDonald’s Managers of the Year who don’t require a second of training don’t pop up very often. They were thrilled to see me walk in the door.
I managed that restaurant for five years while I went to college - first Manchester Community College and then Trinity College and St. Joseph’s University simultaneously. I worked on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 4:00 AM until 1:00 PM and on Saturdays and Sundays from 4:00 AM until 3:00 PM.
I took afternoon and evening classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and spent all of Tuesday and Thursday at school.
I don’t know how I did it.
After graduating in the spring of 1999, I quit my job at McDonald’s and finally launched my teaching career.
In total, I managed seven different McDonald’s restaurants for about 13 years between the ages of 16 and 29.
Happily, I haven’t worked in a McDonald’s restaurant in more than 21 years. Teaching, writing, and performing have replaced burgers and food cost and P&L statements.
This is why I find it exceedingly annoying to spend an entire evening dreaming about running a shift at McDonald’s, which I did last night. Managing a McDonald’s restaurant was by far the most challenging job I have ever had, so spending a night dealing with the multitude of problems and pressures that I faced on a daily basis was incredibly awful.
I was exhausted when I awoke. Stressed out and ready for bed. Again.
Thanks to a violent, horrific armed robbery while working at the McDonald’s in Brockton and a subsequent lifetime of PTSD, a frequent, reoccurring dream for me is the nightmare scenario that I suffered in the back of that restaurant. I return to that terrible night often in my dreams and relive those terrifying moments with exceptional clarity. I often awaken startled, sweating, and sometimes crying out.
But honestly, this terrible nightmare is somehow might be better than working a full shift while I sleep. There’s nothing worse than spending a night working a job for which I will never be paid.
That might be slightly hyperbolic, but not by much.
January 12, 2020
Things I Do #15: I worry about the safety of Bruce Springsteen and Ruth Bader Ginsburg
I spend a significant portion of my life paralyzed by fear over the thought that Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Bruce Springsteen might someday die.
Sometimes I awake in the morning, honestly afraid to check the news on my computer in fear that I might discover that Ginsburg or Springsteen have passed away in the night.
I worry about this more than I should, but I really can’t imagine a world without these two people.
Nor do I want to.
January 11, 2020
"Jack of all trades but master of none" is not quite right
A friend informed me of a possible job opportunity yesterday.
Don’t tell Elysha.
“What would that be?” he asked. “Job #10?”
I didn’t take the job, of course. A technicality prevented me from even considering it, but I’ve got enough work right now to keep me busy. Not exactly nine jobs, but as a teacher, novelist, storyteller, advertising consultant, columnist, public speaking coach, minister, wedding DJ, film consultant, keynote speaker, podcaster, and artistic director and performer for Speak Up, I’ve got a lot on my plate.
Just recently I added dramaturge to the list.
I’ve been told on several occasions by several people that I might be spreading myself a little thin. The Greek poet Archilochus wrote, "The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing."
Most people interpret this to mean that the hedgehog possesses a distinct advantage. While knowing many things might sound advantageous, it turns out that it’s better to be someone who knows one thing exceptionally well.
Become the expert in an important arena. Dominate one field. Adopt a singular mindset.
Maybe, but it’s just never been me. My curiosity is constantly leading me to new horizons. One might say that all of interests essentially deal with words. Communication. Connecting to other people through a variety of media and mediums.
But even that’s not true. In addition to all that I’ve listed above, I’m also extremely interested in finance and invest in the stock market. I love poker and played regularly and profitably for years before online gambling became illegal in my state. I’ve seriously considered becoming an unlicensed therapist.
But I’ve wondered from time to time if this makes sense. I’ve had many people tell me that if I focused my blog on a single subject, or focus my attention on a single topic, I’d draw more readers. Become more successful.
But writing about one thing, thinking about one thing, doing just one thing… I couldn’t do it.
There’s a phrase. “Jack of all trades, but master of none.” It’s always bothered me. I’ve worried that it describes me perfectly.
Then a reader wrote to me. Someone who apparently knows and understands me through my writing.
She said:
“I listen to the Daily Zeitgeist podcast every morning, and today they busted a myth!
The saying "Jack of all trades, but master of none" actually goes " “A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.”
That made my day today.”
Mine, too. I think it might even be true.
January 10, 2020
My "Sweet Home Alabama" gift to myself
About 18 years ago, my DJ partner, Bengi, and I were driving home after entertaining at a wedding on the Connecticut shore. We had played the song “Sweet Home Alabama” that night, and though we knew some of the words from this iconic song, neither one of us knew them all, so we decided to spend the hour-long ride memorizing them.
This was circa 2001. Not only were there no smart phones at the time, but most people didn’t even own a cell phone, so in order to memorize these lyrics, we were going to have to listen to the song again and again in order to identify them ourselves.
This wasn’t easy.
You try figuring out the line:
“Now Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers”
… when you don’t know who or what or where are Muscle Shoals or the Swampers.
Nor should we have understood these references given that Swampers was the nickname given to the Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section, a group of studio musicians who initially played at FAME Studios before leaving in 1969 to form Muscle Shoals Sound Studio.
In a song that mentions Neil Young, Watergate, and Birmingham, a reference to a group of studio musicians seems a little inside baseball if you ask me.
Nevertheless, by the time we had arrived home, we had committed the song to memory.
I’m so glad we did. Every time that song is played - which has been a lot in the 18 years since we memorized that song - I get to sing along with confidence and joy. There’s a freedom that comes with knowing the lyrics to a song and being able to belt them out at the top of your lungs.
It was a gift to my future self. An hour very well spent.
It’s also an argument in favor of learning and memorizing the lyrics of your favorite songs. Rather than stumbling through lines or humming the verses you can’t quite figure out, take the time to learn and memorize those lyrics.
The time invested today with continue to pay off again and again in the future,
My current project is the song “Come On Eileen” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners. I know more than half the lyrics already, having played the song hundreds of times at weddings, but there are parts of that song that are sung so quickly that I’ve never been able to figure out the words.
Thanks to the Internet, the process of identifying and memorizing lyrics is a hell of a lot easier today than back when Bengi and I were memorizing “Sweet Home Alabama”, which is good but somehow bad, too.
Easier? Yes.
Less satisfying and memorable? I think so.
January 9, 2020
Speak Up Storytelling #80: Matthew Dicks
On episode #80 of the Speak Up Storytelling podcast, Matthew Dicks analyzes his own story "The Avocado Melt" in an episode we call Storytelling Forensics.
LINKS
Purchase Storyworthy: Engage, Teach, Persuade, and Change Your Life Through the Power of Storytelling
Purchase Twenty-one Truths About Love
Homework for Life: https://bit.ly/2f9ZPne
Matthew Dicks's website: http://www.matthewdicks.com
Matthew Dicks's YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/matthewjohndicks
Matthew Dicks's blog:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicksblog
Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's weekly newsletter:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/matthewdicks-subscribe
Subscribe to the Speak Up newsletter:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-speak-up
Subscribe to Matthew Dicks's blog:
http://www.matthewdicks.com/subscribe-grin-and-bare-it
