Wednesday Martin's Blog, page 20
March 30, 2010
Top Stepmother Concern #5: My Husband is Married to his Kids, Not Me!
The couple bond is the weakest link in the stepfamily system--strengthen it!
SPECIAL GUEST POST BY MARTY BABITS, LCSW, Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy
"I feel like my husband is married to his kids, not to me."
"When the kids are over he doesn't even hold hands with me! I feel shut out."
These are just a couple of things you told me when I asked for a list of Top Stepmother Concerns. Power imbalances are a fact of stepfamily life. Many of you experience first-hand your partner seeming ...
March 24, 2010
Sandra Bullock Is Us–on Psychologytoday.com
The cultural pressure on Sandra Bullock to be a stepmartyr is enormous
Are you following the Sandra Bullock/Jesse James breakup story? Have a look at my latest piece for psychologytoday.com–and please leave a comment!
Ask Me and Other Stepmothering Experts a Question @ Stepmom Magazine!
Ask me a question today and I'll answer--Stepmom Magazine Virtual Experts Panel
I'll be on the Stepmom Magazine facebook fan page today, participating in their expert panel. You ask the question, we answer. I"ll be on from 11 am to 11:45, and back on from 3 pm to 6 pm:
Hope to "see" you there!
xx wednesday
March 23, 2010
Your Top Concern #4–My Partnership/Marriage is falling apart!
You said it and I hear you: you're worried (some of you are literally worried sick) about your marriage/partnership. Here's what you've said:
-"My husband is married to his kids, not to me. He's so close to them. Whenever they show up I feel and am shunted to the side. If I complain, I'm a petty wicked stepmother. So I don't say anything. And then I'm furious at him, and at them."
-"When his kids are around he won't even hold my hand. That hurts. And it makes me dread their visits."
"He's not f...
March 17, 2010
Stepmonster Talk at NYC's Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy
Marty Babits of the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy wrote this great book
I'll be giving a talk called "What Do Women with Stepchildren Want?" at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy on the Upper West Side of Manhattan on Thursday March 18th.
Details: the Family and Couples Treatment Services Division of the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy is sponsoring a talk by Wednesday Martin on stepmother reality.
Date: Thursday March 18th
Time: 1-2 pm
Location: Institute for...
March 15, 2010
Stepmother Top Concern #3–They Don't Appreciate Me!
Have you heard the news? Being a stepmartyr makes no sense!
"How can I decrease my sense of resentment when it comes to my partner's kids?" you readers keep writing and asking. Or, how to "witness that a stepchild has problems–whether it's that he or she doesn't try in school, is spoiled by mom and dad, is entitled or irresponsible, hasn't developed key and age-appropriate life skills, or acts out in any number of ways–rather than experience it viscerally" and be torn apart by it?
In the end, ...
March 11, 2010
These are a few of my favorite shrinks…
The doctor is in. Now you just have to find her or him.
As a follow-up to Kela Price's recent guest post about how to find a therapist to help you and your remarriage/partnership with stepkids, a couple of other things that might interest you as we wend our way toward Top Stepmother Concern #3 in the next few days.
First, a psychologytoday.com post by Mary Kelly Williams, on a marital therapist's thoughts about "The Marriage Ref":
On the topic of marital/couples therapy…
The doctor is in.
As a follow-up to Kela Price's recent guest post about how to find a therapist to help you and your remarriage/partnership with stepkids, a couple of other things that might interest you as we wend our way toward Top Stepmother Concern #3 in the next couple of days.
First, a psychologytoday.com post by Mary Kelly Williams, on a marital therapists thoughts about "The Marriage Ref":
March 10, 2010
Top Stepmother Concerns: How to Get Thee to a Counselor Who Gets It by Kela Price
He or she doesn't have to be Freud to help. I just liked this photo.
As we're addressing the concerns of you, women with stepchildren, a reality is taking shape. Namely, many of you could benefit from counseling. Either couples work or individual work, but something. But as stepfamily researcher, social psychologist and stepmother Elizabeth Church, Ph.D. notes in her book Understanding Stepmothers, it's possible that a therapist treating a couple in a repartnership with kids will do more harm ...
March 8, 2010
Top Concern of Women with Stepkids: His Kids!
Power imbalances in the household (guess who has the power?) are common in stepfamily life. That doesn't mean we can't do something about them.
It seems we have concerns. Big ones. Lots of them.
No surprise there. Stepmothering is one of the toughest roles around—ambiguous, demanding, depleting, charged, and frequently thankless. You told me about absurdly empowered stepchildren, stepkids not getting the love and support from their mom you'd like to see them getting, undermining exes who...
