Scott Murray's Blog, page 232
November 15, 2012
The Fiver: World Class Gymnastic Contortions | Scott Murray
ANOTHER GOOD NIGHT FOR MR ROYThe Fiver has witnessed some top-notch sporting achievements on the television in 2012. Europe coming from behind to win the Ryder Cup. Andy Murray breaking his duck at the US Open. Bradley Wiggins triumphing in Le Tour. Ted Hankey managing to bravely battle through five gruelling legs of darts despite a "chest infection" which saw each of his puffy eyes going into business for themselves. But nothing compares to the stunning feat of athletic skill transmitted on the Independent Television channel last night, when commentator Clive Tyldesley performed a series of world-class gymnastic contortions to avoid blaming children's entertainer Happy Hands Hart for England's 4-2 defeat in Sweden.
Tyldesley's perfect execution has been compared to Olga Korbut's backward somersault on the balance beam at the 1972 Olympics. Yes, it was that good. But to concentrate on that would be to miss out on another notable performance yesterday evening. Happy Hands Hart, Sweden's two-assist man of the match, was unquestionably the star turn on the pitch, his in-instalments dive to reach a late free-kick a pratfall reminiscent of Keaton in his prime, while that attempted headed clearance right at the death was a comedy feedline straight out of the Syd Little playbook. So thank you, Happy Hands, for putting a smile on the world's face in these otherwise austere times. Though of course we expect nothing less from Happy Hands. That's Happy Hands!
The Swedes, who were opening their new Friends Arena stadium, had been hoping that one of their chaps would mark the occasion with a similarly jaw-dropping performance, but sadly had to make do with Zlatan Ibrahimovic scoring three crackers then adding a fourth by bicycle-kicking home with his back to goal from 30 yards out on the wing. Still, while not in Happy Hands' league in terms of pure entertainment, Zlatan's efforts weren't totally shabby, and visiting centurion Stevie Mbe declared his fourth "the best goal I have ever seen".
England boss Roy Hodgson also thought the strike "extraordinary", no doubt in a generous mood because Ibrahimovic's feat has deflected attention away from Mr Roy's team's comprehensive thrashing, the fact that England under Mr Roy's yoke might actually be stunningly useless, and that Mr Roy once gave Fulham £3m plus Zlatan's highly promising young team-mate Alexander Kačaniklić in order to get his hands on Paul Konchesky. Happy Hands Hart's night, then, but let's not forget it was also a triumph for Zlatan ... and indirectly for Mr Roy!
QUOTE OF THE DAY"For me it is difficult to comment on something that I didn't hear or was not even involved or even close" - showing the kind of common sense with which the Society of Black Lawyers and half of Fleet Street seem to be unburdened, Chelsea goalkeeper Petr Cech gives - or doesn't give - his take on the Mark Clattenburg affair.
FIVER LETTERS"Does Football Manager have a simulated tea-timely email that appears every simulated day between the simulated hours of 3pm and 7pm? If so is it more or less so humourless and are there 1,057 simulated pedants writing in everyday casting up some minor detail an under-pressure under-paid simulated hack copy-and-pasted just before he hit send and hit a simulated boozer? If so I might just buy it" - Jonny Bell. [You probably should, because you're not getting one for free - Fiver Ed.]
"I've noticed that more often than not, it's the very first letter published in the Fiver Letters section that wins the letter of the day prize. Isn't it time that the prize went to the second letter, for a change?" - Steve Jackson.
"Everyone is going overboard about Zlatan Ibrahimovic, but last night's was a team performance from the Swedes. If it had been just Zlatan, I think England could have scraped a draw" - Guy Campbell.
"Re: Mr Roy getting all Alf Garnett about players not being ready to commit themselves fully to England. That young black players might be reluctant to commit their future to a team where the manager has quite lengthily expressed regret at the retirement of a former captain who went on to be banned for r@cism and whose current captain put his name to a statement supporting a teammate who had just been banned for r@cism is truly a mystery for the ages, is it not Mr Roy?" - Jason Tew.
"Re: Mike Wilner suggesting Flagstar BankCorp as a possible meaning for FBC (yesterday's Fiver Letters). I bought shares in Flagstar Banking Corporation some time ago. After a reverse split I don't have many shares left and each one is only worth a fraction of the ones I bought originally. Believe me, if I called someone a Flagstar Banking Corporation it wouldn't be meant kindly" - Mike Roberts.
• Competition: For a limited time only (basically until tomorrow) we're giving away a copy of Football Manager 2013 (given a five-star rating by no less a source than Big Paper) for the letter of the day. So get scribbling. Today's winner: Guy Campbell.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.
GET A FREE £25 BET WITH BLUE SQUAREJOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATESWe keep trying to point out the utter futility of advertising an online dating service "for interesting people" in the Fiver to the naive folk who run Guardian Soulmates, but they weren't having any of it. So here you go – sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly romantics who would never dream of going out with you.
BITS AND BOBSTalking linking Manchester City with a January move for Luis Suarez has been greeted with tedious muttering about media "hate campaigns", "agendas" and other nonsense by some of Liverpool's more fundamentalist fans.
While Liverpool's fans have been frothing at the mouth, their manager has said Suarez is going nowhere. "There will be no bidding war. He's staying here," said Brendan Rodgers, locking his pet Uruguayan in a cupboard and swallowing the key.
Like an alcoholic, the Sky Sports News ticker finally reached rock bottom today, breaking the following story: PETERBOROUGH REMOVE GABRIEL ZAKUANI FROM TRANSFER LIST. They'll have a lot of making up to do when they reach step eight.
Mousa Dembele has been ruled out of Tottenham's defeat at the hands of Arsenal on Saturday with hip-knack, while Hugo Lloris is also unlikely to feature as a result of his ongoing Friedel-knack.
And Tony Watt has been rewarded for his goal against Barcelona with a new long-term deal that will keep him at the Queen's Celtic until 2015-16 ... or next summer, if he keeps scoring goals.
STILL WANT MORE?Zlatan's best goals, a paraglider crashing into a footballer and Ted Hankey's mysterious lurgy all feature in this week's Classic YouTube?
There's more Zlatan goals but not a tired and emotional Ted Hankey to be seen in this bespoke selection of the up-and-coming young Sweden international's best goals.
Some media outlets have gone for complete Zlatan overkill today, but not us. Here, Amy Lawrence says that the Swedish superstar is much more than an off-the-cuff maverick.
Jamie Jackson was went to Sweden v England last night, wrote 736 words on the performances of England's debutants and still mentioned Zlatan eight times.
And without once surmising that it might be down to greedy Swedes bagging four at a time against pathetically feeble opposition, Jonathan Wilson takes time out from crying over the fact that more goals are being scored to pose The Question: Why Are More Goals Being Scored?
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JELLY TOTS AND CHOCOLATE ICE-CREAM?Scott Murrayguardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
November 14, 2012
Luxembourg v Scotland – as it happened | Scott Murray
Minute-by-minute report: Billy Stark's side scraped a win against the part-timers thanks to two goals from Jordan Rhodes. Scott Murray was watching
Scott MurrayThe Fiver | Roy Hodgson's big blast of patriotism | Scott Murray
WHAT A GLORIOUS NATION! (COTE D'IVOIRE, THAT IS)Mr Roy knows a thing or two about commitment. Experience has taught him that loyalty to the cause is paramount in football, and that's a lesson he's taken with him to the England gig, his 20th job since 1976, one of 17 in which he's hung about for three years or fewer. Take his time in charge of Liverpool, for example. He threw himself into that task 24/7, or more accurately 22/7, as he'd pop down to Manchester every morning to fetch Lord Ferg his paper, and nip back in the evening to bring him his slippers, but we're splitting hairs here because 22 hours a day is still more than enough, albeit not for the uppity ingrates of Anfield who refused to appreciate all the effort put into those brave defeats on penalties against Northampton Town. But to hell with them, he's the national coach now, with bigger fish to fry, and he's demanding his own trademark levels of wholesale Hodgsonian commitment and loyalty from his players ahead of England's friendly in Sweden tonight. And then some!
The subject's come up because Wilfried Zaha of Crystal Palace, Raheem Sterling of Liverpool and Carl Jenkinson of Arsenal are in the frame to make their full international debuts, but all three young men have been signally non-committal to England in public, happy to wear the three lions in a friendly now, but careful to keep themselves open to the prospect of one day playing in a competitive fixture for the lands of their mothers and fathers. Zaha, you see, was born in Cote d'Ivoire, Sterling in Jamaica, and Jenkinson is of Finnish stock, and while all have spent most of their formative years in England, it would be understandable if they wavered a wee bit, torn between this country and some strong family ties. In fairness to all three, they've told Mr Roy behind the scenes of their intention to stay with England in the long term. But tonight's friendly doesn't secure their services for good, and people have changes of heart, and the remaining undercurrent of uncertainty still unsettles Mr Roy. "I am not interested in people who are deciding whether England is where they want to be or whether they want to be somewhere else," blasted the patriotic coach, who has previously managed Switzerland, United Arab Emirates and Finland for money.
"When people are called up I expect them to come running, get on a bicycle and cycle to the training session if they have to, then they shake hands with everyone and tell everyone how happy they are to be there," added Mr Roy, in what could be read as a double allusion to 1980s Tory bruiser Norman Tebbit, a buffoon who on the one hand demanded everyone get on their bike and travel far and wide for work, but also authored the thoroughly repugnant Cricket Test, a concept which suggested those living and working in England originally from, say, the Caribbean shouldn't support the West Indies, and that their offspring had a similar cheek in doing so as well. "Perhaps I am too simple," concluded Mr Roy sadly, a man out of time. Simple? Someone who, in an attempt at joined-up thinking, has accidentally tied themselves up in knots while lashing themselves ideologically to Norman Tebbit? Oh Mr Roy! How could you!
• Follow Sweden 2-0 England with Paul Doyle at 7.30pm
• And Luxembourg 1-0 Scotland with Scott Murray
• And a meaningless friendlies clockwatch with Sachin Nakrani
QUOTES OF THE DAY"It's a potentially fantastic tie" – Franchise FC chairman, Pete Winkelman, reacts to news that his club will play AFC Wimbledon in the FA Cup second round.
"I would rather take my girlfriend's mother to the garden centre than go to that game" – Simon Wheeler, chairman of the Independent Wimbledon Supporters Association, reacts to the same news.
GET A FREE £25 BET WITH BLUE SQUAREFIVER LETTERS"Do you think POJT will ask Fat Frank to translate what 'in loco parentis' actually means – what with Frank having a Latin 'O' level and everything. And when PJT discovers that it appears to mean that Chelsea think he should be treated as a minor needing protection, how's that going to make him feel – what with him being the club captain and everything?" – Gerald Kreinczes.
"Re: Mr. Terry's admission to 'calling Anton Ferdinand an FBC.' [yesterday's Fiver] It all happened so long ago, I've forgotten the actual words used. Google helpfully offered Flagstar BanCorp, the Florida Building Code, and First Baptist Church. How could he be suspended for those? Oh wait - it's all coming back to me now. Never mind" – Michael Wilner.
"I realise that The Fiver is Big Paper's dirty little secret, hiding out in dark corners and foraging food from under the desks of real, proper, actual journalists, but the least you could do is have a gander at the Style Guide. To quote from said tome, 'brutalise - render brutal, not treat brutally; so soldiers may be brutalised by the experience of war.' My interest has not been brutalised, as you suggest. It's been treated brutally. I'm sure this will be one of 1,057 emails from pathological pedants who's [sic – smug Fiver Ed] idea of light bedtime reading is the Guardian Style Guide. Which, in fairness, says more about us than you"– Matt Dony (and no others).
"Concerning yesterday's letter from Fred Palley, it was the perpetually energetic Michael Essien who would essentially fall asleep after the final whistle. I'm sure I read somewhere that he would sleep for a good 14 hours a day. Clearly he wasn't up all night playing football manager …" – Tom Chisnall.
"Some people criticise the Fiver for being lazy. At first glance, yesterday's decision to stop referring to POJT, and instead to PJT, seems to support that criticism. However assuming the Fiver has a set number of words to reach per day, this decision means a 25% reduction in effort whenever you have to refer to the only former England captain who has been found not guilty of r@cism; for exactly the same reward. I for one applaud this approach, and feel there's a lesson for us all in there somewhere" – James Kirk.
"Just so you know, I have now retired from international letter writing and hereby declare myself unavailable for selection regarding the Football Manager 2013 prize. Thank you" – Andy Payne.
• Competition: For a limited time only (basically until we run out of the copies stashed under the desk) we're giving away a copy of Football Manager 2013 (given a five-star rating by no less a source than Big Paper) for the letter of the day. So get scribbling. Today's winner: Gerald Kreinczes.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.
JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATESBITS AND BOBSThe Society of Black Laywers has reacted angrily to the news that police have dropped their inquiry into an alleged offensive comment made by referee Mark Clattenburg. "It would appear that there is a cosy little agreement between Chelsea FC and the FA not to report these matters to the Metropolitan Police but to have them dealt with solely by the FA," fumed SBL chair, Peter Herbert.
The Dubai finance company Gulf Finance House Capital is still in talks to buy Dirty Leeds despite concerns about accounts that state it may not be as flush with money as the club's cuddly owner, Ken Bates, hopes.
Three people have been charged with fraud over allegations of the unlawful obtaining of information linked to Tottenham's failed bid to take over the Olympic Stadium.
And in more super dry serious football news, Manchester United's total revenue rose to a record £76.3m in the first three months of the financial year, which the Fiver thinks may be good but until it asks Proper Journalist David Conn, it doesn't really know.
STILL WANT MORE?AFC Wimbledon fans are finding it hard to stomach the prospect of a match against Franchise FC, writes Proper Journalist David Conn. While elsewhere supporters debate the best way to tackle the issue.
Supporting Scotland is about self-sabotage and self-hate, writes serotonin's Scott Murray.
Luis Suarez and Javier Hernandez are on rescue missions for their teams, and Paul Wilson's enjoying the drama.
France want to prove their redemption is real against Italy, ooh-la-las Paul Doyle.
You wait 20 years for an England player to win 100 caps and then three come along at once, sighs Barney Ronay.
SIGN UP TO THE FIVERWant your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up.
OH NEV!Scott Murrayguardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
Self-sabotage and self-hate: Scotland's relationship with success
It's never been easy supporting Scotland, who have found myriad ways to test the patience of their fans from the get-go
Eddie McCreadie wins the ball down the left, then traps it, leaving it sat still on the lush Wembley turf. He doubles back past it and leaves it behind, wandering away down the pitch with the carefree manner of a chap off to the shops for the paper, a pint of milk and 20 Bensons. Denis Law sashays over to take up possession and is soon clipping a blind backheel into space before sauntering off himself, projecting an airy insouciance specifically tailored to agitate and annoy. Then enter Jim Baxter, who delicately dinks the ball into the air before ensuring it stays hovering up there, a playground game of keepie uppie in front of 99,000 spectators: one, two, three, four. The newly crowned world champions, England, are being comprehensively humiliated in their own back yard by the auld enemy.
Apologies to Archie Gemmill, but this passage of play, Slim Jim's four carefree flicks the cherries on the cake, stands as the greatest act in the entire history of the Scottish national football team, a perfect mix of brilliance and belligerence to live forever in the memory. And here, not part of the legend, is what happens next. Baxter scoops a pass down the inside-left channel for Law, who loses control. Gordon Banks gathers. One throw and six passes later, England have scored through Jack Charlton, who has one functioning leg. Stop the clock: 41 seconds after Baxter's signature cameo, the most iconic moment in 140 years of effort, Scotland were to be found picking the ball out of their own net. Quintessential, as Opta's Twitter feed might say.
It's never been easy supporting Scotland, who have found myriad ways to test the patience of their fans pretty much from the get-go. During the 1870s and 1880s, the Scots were the best team in the world but despite giving the English some hefty smacks in the mouth (5-1, 6-1, 7-2) during a period of domination between 1874 and 1887, the only game they lost during that era was of course the most memorable one. In 1879, an experienced and much-fancied Scottish side went 4-1 up before half-time, only to somehow lose 5-4 to an England side containing eight debutants, one of whom was a mere whelp of 17 (James Prinsep, a one-cap wonder whose record as youngest player would stand until Wayne Rooney's arrival). It was the first time an international side had lost a match having led by three goals. Well done, Scotland!
What would become a familiar pattern was starting to take shape, then, though the players have not always been the ones at fault. Younger fans may be interested to note that the Scottish FA has not always been a wee bit hapless and inept. Back in the day, they used to be extremely hapless and inept. Take the 1950 World Cup, which Scotland qualified for as runners-up in that year's Home Championship. The SFA refused the invitation, having earlier announced that it would send a team to Brazil only if they came top of the Home Championship table. Plans were scuppered, needless to say, when England travelled to Hampden and won. The SFA executive committee refused to budge, despite the pleas of a special delegation consisting of Scotland's captain George Young and his English counterpart Billy Wright. Preposterously pompous behaviour, though in keeping with an organisation which had snubbed the World Cup in its infancy during the 1930s, declaring Scotland too good to bother with the likes of Uruguay, Argentina and Brazil (despite having had their arses handed to them in friendlies by that decade's other powerhouses, Italy and Austria).
Whether that bleakly comic episode represented Scotland's biggest self-inflicted World Cup wound of the 1950s is a moot point. Qualification was achieved again in 1954, and this time according to SFA specifications too, but the governing body refused to allow the manager Andy Beattie to select any players from Rangers, who were off to the USA in the summer to make themselves a few quid. They also permitted him to take only 13 players to the finals in Switzerland, leaving the other nine men at home, spuriously on standby, as part of a cost-cutting measure (which incidentally didn't extend to stopping the SFA hierarchy taking themselves and their wives along for the ride). Sure enough, the Scots lost both matches they played, hindered not only by a signal lack of world-class talent but also by a voluminous kit made of thick, heavy material, wholly unsuited to gallivanting in the summer sun. Beattie resigned in exasperation after the first match, a 1-0 defeat by Austria, leaving a rudderless side to suffer a 7-0 skelping by the world champions Uruguay.
And then there was 1958, when Scotland didn't bother with a manager at all, Matt Busby having been incapacitated by the Munich disaster. The Clyde trainer Dawson Walker, whose expertise with chalkboards extended only to wiping them clean with his bucket and magic sponge, was put in nominal charge. Predictably enough, two defeats and a draw saw the shapeless Scots back home again quicksmart in despair, although at least their fans were spared most of the gory details, the SFA pulling the plug on televised coverage so attendances at junior level did not suffer. Well done, SFA!
Scotland's relationship with the World Cup – not so much love-hate as self-hate – was thus established early doors. After the 1950s, the SFA ditched the practice of tying together its own players' bootlaces, but there was little to show for its new more thoughtful (ie thoughtful) approach. The 1960s represented Scottish football's golden age, both in terms of playing talent and achievement at club level, but the international team failed to make it to a World Cup until 1974, when Scotland again broke new ground by becoming the first country to get knocked out without losing a match, a particularly Caledonian brand of achievement.
There's no need to be raking over the ashes of the 1978 campaign again, other than to recall one of the great press conferences, poor Ally MacLeod bending down to stroke a stray dog in attempt to dodge the brickbats aimed at his noggin in the wake of Scotland's miserable draw with Iran. "At least this wee fella loves me," he simpered, nanoseconds before the cur sank its gnashers into the hand of the Souness-shunning sadsack.
As Cris Freddi says in his indispensable Complete Book of the World Cup, "it was the last time anything was expected of Scotland". Since then, it's been diminishing returns, although in retrospect the Andy Roxburgh era, much derided at the time, arguably represents the national team's true golden age, with a decent if unspectacular showing at the 1990 World Cup (just don't mention Costa Rica or Cláudio Taffarel to Mo Johnston) and Scotland's best performance at a major tournament, two wholly undeserved defeats – unfortunate losses which so easily could have been famous victories – against the reigning European champions Holland and reigning world champions Germany at Euro 92.
Even Scotland's signature achievements carry asterisks and footnotes. As we've seen, Baxter's taunting of Sir Alf Ramsey's world champions led to them shipping a goal within a minute. Gemmill's famous slalom in Mendoza against Holland in 1978 might have been, as the Trainspotters will tell you, one of the great orgasmic experiences by any team in any World Cup, but its currency was almost instantly devalued; three minutes after the ball was dinked over Jan Jongbloed, Johnny Rep had extinguished all hope with a long-range belter, and MacLeod's men were heading home with their tails between their legs. And while Scotland are commonly regarded to have reached their pinnacle as a team in 1928, when the Wembley Wizards of Alex Jackson, Alex James, Hughie Gallacher and Alan Morton ran rings around England, thrashing them 5-1, it's often forgotten that the match was between the two worst teams in that year's Home Championship, a contest to decide the wooden spoon.
It doesn't amount to much when you boil the bones down. If you were being unkind, you'd say it was a dark litany of misery and failure, and it's hard to argue with bald facts. Then again, at least Scotland were giving it a whirl. Look at it from another angle and, while it's failure, it's glorious failure in the grand tradition, both team and fans pasting on their waxy wings and setting the controls for the heart of the sun. Inflated expectation, unrealistic ambition, preposterous idealism, thwarted ambition; this is the stuff of high glamour, nothing to be sniffed at. The joys might not always have been apparent at the time - Alan Hansen and Willie Miller colliding in Malaga, Jim Leighton teeing up Müller in Turin, Patrick Kluivert nutmegging David Seaman at Wembley - but these are bittersweet stories for the ages, essential parts of a rich folk history many other countries would die for.
If Scotland hadn't gone for it, they'd be left with bugger all to speak of now. So Scotland were never going to win the World Cup? Well, so what? Scottish fans can say what they like about England – and for the record, we hear there have been murmurings – but the auld enemy have never been short of self-belief. Apart from a golden age between 1965 and 1970 when they had genuine claims to be the best team in the world, England have for the most part been – admittedly it's not 100% certain that their fans will self-define like this – like Scotland, second-rate chancers. That hasn't, however, stopped them going into each and every tournament with a genuine belief that they could win it. And it's a mindset that's served them well, their chutzpah and sheer arrogance (the healthy sort) propelling a series of very average sides to the latter stages of many a competition.
It's a mindset Scotland used to have, too, albeit one that achieved results on a more modest scale. They could do with getting it back, and the sacking of Craig Levein gives the country the perfect opportunity to start. Levein appears to be a nice man, and an honourable one to boot, and many supporters will miss using his beard – which varied wildly in length from the tidiness of a Noel Edmonds to the bravehearted wildness of the alfresco Buckfast consumer – as a cheap and cheerful metaphor for the state of the team.
But it's Levein, and his middle management ilk, who have been responsible for finally extinguishing the last embers of the Scottish swagger. The most recent stab at glory, the staunch Euro 2008 qualifying campaign under Walter Smith and Alex McLeish, may have been founded on a bedrock of defensive solidity – nobody's arguing that tactics have to be totally dispatched out of the window – but there was still room for outrageous hope. It was hard to imagine anyone under Levein's yoke ever looking for the top corner from 40 yards like James McFadden did on that famous Thierry Henry-baiting night in Paris.
Unless you've got midfielders like Xavi and Andrés Iniesta, you can't be fielding teams without strikers; it's just not on. One of the most disgraceful results in recent Scottish history came against the Faroe Islands. Not the infamous game in Toftir in 2002, when Scotland fell 2-0 behind in 13 minutes and should have gone three down before scraping a draw, but the 3-0 win at Pittodrie in 2010. Scotland had scored all three of their goals in the first half but instead of pushing his team on for a few more confidence-boosting goals, a rare opportunity, Levein opted to give a few squad members a stretch of the legs in the second period, and momentum was lost.
The modern obsession of treating football as chess, and a wholly professional and athletic pursuit, is slowly suffocating the sport at many levels, and in most countries. But it's really buggering Scotland, who with meagre resources have historically had to rely on moments of outrageous improvisation to entertain their punters. Scotland may not have a Baxter, a Law, a Gemmill, a Kenny Dalglish, a Davie Cooper or Jimmy Johnstone any more, but that shouldn't stop the likes of Charlie Adam and Barry Bannan turning a few tricks for the cameras, football being a branch of entertainment and all that.
Scotland's failure to make a major finals since 1998 is a shame, but it's the recent chronic lack of ambition, coupled with the desire to grind out a result at the cost of aesthetic pleasure, that is the greater disgrace. Reaching a tournament isn't a panacea in any case; just look at the Republic of Ireland, who aren't feeling too good about themselves right now despite, or perhaps even because of, their Euro 2012 campaign. By comparison, one suspects Scottish fans will cherish their Homeric but ill-fated efforts to get to Euro 2008 far longer.
Will the good times – hey, it's all relative – ever come back? Possibly not, though the SFA is 139 years old now, and statistically due to make a correct decision. A proper framework for bringing up the kids is the ideal, but in the short term, appointing someone like the erstwhile Southampton and Celtic overachiever Gordon Strachan may give the side a boost, if only because he'll bring a sense of theatre to proceedings – surely it's better to see a manager hopping along the touchline in red-faced impotent rage, as opposed to scribbling furtively in a notebook – and kick off entertainingly in press conferences. If nothing else, it would be nice for each Scotland match to feel like an event again. And even if they do end up losing most of them, it matters little because the only way is up. Just look at the World Cup group.
The fans can do their bit, too. A generation of supporters have had their expectations managed to the point that everybody's forgotten how to dream. Well, bugger that. The minnows of Luxembourg are up next, and it's time to raise the bar of expectation. Realistically, Scotland will do well to score one while keeping a clean sheet, but football's meant to be exciting, and nobody should go through the turnstile with such limited hope in their hearts. So, then: a 10-goal thrashing; a 3-3 draw salvaged in humiliatingly jammy circumstances; or Charlie Adam juggling the ball for two minutes before accidentally shinning it into his own net. Any of it will do. Winning being lovely, of course, but a story to tell the grandkids will suffice.
ScotlandScott Murrayguardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
November 10, 2012
Aston Villa v Manchester United – as it happened | Scott Murray
The same old story for Villa, who go two goals up only to lose yet again against United at home
riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Villa Park and Environs.
Aston Villa are caught in a whirlpool alright, a never-ending cycle in which United come to Villa Park; United win at Villa Park. United come to Villa Park; United win at Villa Park. United come to Villa Park; United win at Villa Park. It's the most predictable outcome in All Football. Look at Villa's home record against United since they won The Alan Hansen Game® in 1995: P21, W1, D6, L14, F13, A31. Look at it! The one win came in the League Cup against a team containing Michael Twiss, Luke Chadwick, Ronnie Wallwork, Michael Clegg, John Curtis and Jordi Cruyff. Should Villa beat United today, the following thunderclap will be heard: Bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntro-
varrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk.
Kick off: Shatterday, 5.30pm.
Some much-needed succour for Villa: Paul Lambert's young team are on a three-match unbeaten run after suffering a slow start to the campaign.
Some barely-required succour for United: Sir Alex Ferguson's men have won all but three of their 16 competitive matches this season, and have scored 21 goals in the last seven. They are hot, baby. They're 7-4 on to win this game; hot. In other betting-odds news, Wayne Rooney is 10,000-1 to take a successful penalty.
Aston Villa hand a first Premier League start to 22-year-old Irish left-back Enda Stevens, with Joe Bennett ruled out through injury and Eric Lichaj suspended: Guzan, Lowton, Vlaar, Clark, Stevens, Weimann, Westwood, Ireland, Bannan, Agbonlahor, Benteke.
Subs: Given, El Ahmadi, Albrighton, Holman, Delph, Bowery, Williams.
Manchester United shoogle their team about, with Jonny Evans and Nani nursing groin and hamstring injuries respectively: De Gea, Da Silva, Ferdinand, Smalling, Evra, Valencia, Carrick, Scholes, Young, Rooney, van Persie.
Subs: Lindegaard, Anderson, Hernandez, Welbeck, Cleverley, Fletcher, Buttner.
Referee: Kevin Friend (Leicestershire). This dude almost guarantees some sort of action. In ten games this season, he's only shown two red cards, to Chelsea's Branislav Ivanovic in the Community Shield against Manchester City, and to Stoke City's Dean Whitehead at Reading on the opening day of the season. But look at the number of yellow cards he's been handing out! Thirty nine! Those include two eight-yellow hauls, a seven, and a six. He can't keep it in his trousers! He also seems to guarantee goals, for some reason: 3-2 to City in the Community Shield, 3-2 for United against Fulham, Arsenal's 6-1 thrashing of Southampton, a 4-1 win for Nottingham Forest at Barnsley, and that 7-5 between Reading and Arsenal in the League Cup. Kevin Friend: entertainment's pal.
The teams are out! Villa are in their stylishly Victorian claret-and-blue combo, United in their white-and-black away garb. "If this match-up deserves a Finnegan's Wake quote I hate to think what literary references you have saved up for the next El Clasico," worries Ian Copestake, somewhat unnecessarily, as when that game's on I'll be back home furiously scribbling notes in the margins of The Ingenious Gentleman Don Quixote of La Mancha while sitting on the toilet watching the game on television like the rest of you. And reading the MBM report, of course, being a second-screen kinda guy.
Remembrance Sunday ... is of course tomorrow. But the large crowd at Villa Park pay their respects to the country's fallen servicemen and women now, in an (almost) perfectly observed minute's silence. Only one or two mouthy eejits, a shame but statistically that's none too bad, so nothing to report here.
And we're off! Villa set the ball rolling, and hoick it long. They lose it. The home crowd will be hoping this doesn't form a pattern. "United have won an awful lot of games the last season-and-a-half without actually being any good. But we are not fooled - you can't kid anyone with wins, as Mr. Hansen almost said." Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Mac Millings. He's here all week. Luckily, it's already the weekend.
2 min: Ashley Young receives possession of the ball, and hits a wall of boos from the crowd. They're not happy he's gone, are they?
4 min: Scholes and Carrick tiki-taka along the front of the Villa area. The ball breaks right to Valencia, whose shot is deflected behind for a corner. The set piece is met by Carrick, who's clearly got his attacking head on today; his corner is aimed for the top-right corner, but claimed without fuss by Guzan. A bright start by the away side.
5 min: Young has started energetically, which might cause the home fans some discomfort, not least because they're clearly keen on keeping up their lusty jeering of the player. I hope they're well stocked up on Strepsils, or have hipflasks full of whisky in their coat pockets. Anyway, Young cuts inside from the left, and looks to curl one into the bottom right, but sets the thing too far outside the post. The crowd jeer, then start necking their Strepsils or (but hopefully not 'and') whisky.
8 min: Free kick to Villa down the right. Bannan whips a magnificent effort towards the back post, where Smalling eyebrows out for a corner. There's a brief pause as Evra receives some treatment, having come off worse in a 50-50 with Vlaar.
10 min: From the corner, coming in from the left, there's some head tennis. United neither clear their lines properly, nor come out to catch Villa offside, and the ball drops to Agbonlahor, level with the right-hand post, eight yards out. Scholes is over quickly to whip the ball off his toe to clear. That's the end of a decent period of pressure from the home side.
11 min: Scholes carelessly gives the ball away in the middle of the park. Ireland bombs forward, but with options left and right, plays a hopeless ball forward in the vague direction of Benteke, and a half-chance to trouble United is spurned.
13 min: It's been a lively start by the home side, all things considered. United look to settle the game down a wee bit by stroking it around at the back. A lot.
15 min: What a chance for Villa here. Rooney's on the edge of the Villa box, and shapes to shoot for the top right. His effort is blocked, and Villa break at speed upfield, Ireland releasing Weimann into the United half with a clever header. Weimann has men either side, with only two United white shirts back. But he hesitates fatally, and his eventual effort to thread the ball through for Benteke is blocked by a combination of Ferdinand and Smalling, who have pincered him perfectly. What a waste.
16 min: Villa really do have their tails up here, and United aren't looking particularly happy at the back. They're all over the place as Benteke suddenly finds himself clear in the area down the inside left. But again there's hesitation, and his eventual shot towards the bottom left from a tight-ish angle is parried out for a corner. Bannan's subsequent delivery from the set piece is a total embarrassment, and as I'm all about spreading the love as opposed to making people look or sound foolish, I'll not be describing it here.
18 min: United are all over the shop. Ireland is bossing the play from the middle. He sprays a pass out right to Agbonlahor, who zips clear down the wing. The resulting low cross isn't bad at all, but just a tad behind Benteke, who kicks fresh air at a ball that isn't there. Smalling is fooled into doing the same thing. Rafael eventually picks up the loose ball and scampers away from danger with it.
19 min: Villa Park rises for a standing ovation in support of the ailing, but hopefully ailing for not very much longer, Stiliyan Petrov.
22 min: United show up front for the first time in a wee while. Valencia sends Rafael scuttling towards the byline on the overlap, the Brazilian clipping a cross into the centre for Rooney, who can't get a header away from close range. United recycle the ball back out to the right, where Valencia lashes over wildly, and hopelessly it must be said, from a promising position as he enters the box.
24 min: Scholes is, not for the first time today, caught fannying around on the ball in the middle of his own half. Ireland makes off with it and slides it forward to Benteke, who is clear on goal. He's not given the opportunity to take a shot, however, as the referee rules that Ireland clipped Scholes on the back of his heel. A correct decision, but the dithering Scholes can nevertheless count himself very lucky that Ireland didn't pick his pocket with more elan. The United legend has the good grace to look slightly embarrassed as he gathers himself up before play restarts.
27 min: Benteke goes on a bomb down the right, reaching the byline then whipping a cross through the area at ludicrous speed. United aren't at all impressive at the back this evening. But Villa will need to score while their visitors are rocking, because United rarely act up like this for an entire 90 minutes.
29 min: United have been more fluent up front, though, and Young is this close to breaking clear into the Villa area down the inside right. Vlaar is having none of it, though, and engages him in a tussle the former Villa charge can't win. Free kick, much to the pleasure of the home crowd.
32 min: A lot of space for Valencia down the right, but Clark sweeps his low fizzing cross away spectacularly. United are beginning to up the tempo, after a very shaky few minutes.
33 min: Scholes has a shot from the edge of the area that balloons off Vlaar, 30 miles or so into the air. Guzan gathers it with supreme confidence, saving the corner.
35 min: A lull in what's been a pretty entertaining half of football, given that neither goalkeeper has had a save of note to make.
36 min: Ireland has been very impressive so far. Here he takes up possession in the middle of the park, nudges the ball forward, and unleashes a low screamer towards the bottom-right corner. De Gea knows full well that the effort is heading well wide, and acts accordingly in the casual style, but it's a decent whack by the former Manchester City man nonetheless.
39 min: Westwood isn't far away from releasing Benteke down the right with a sliderule pass between Smalling and Evra, but the centre back is having no truck with the idea, and intercepts. This has been a good effort by Villa, Paul Lambert will be happy with his young side so far.
40 min: Barry Bannan - the Scottish Paul Scholes, let us never forget - stands over a free kick in the middle of the United half. He sends a floater towards the left-hand post, where Vlaar is hanging around with intent, but the perceptive Smalling steps in to nut clear.
42 min: Lowton, Bannan, Ireland and Weimann push United back with a lovely flowing move down the right. From deep inside their own half they triangulate all the way upfield, from where Lowton eventually overcooks a cross. But that's some very pretty football. United have had the lion's share of possession - 70 percent to 30 for the home side - but the stat belies the even nature of this contest.
44 min: Rooney, who has been quiet but not as hushed as the nigh-on-invisible van Persie, sends a rising rasper goalwards from a position down the inside-right channel. Guzan is behind it all the way.
45 min: Stevens makes good down the left, and loops a dangerous cross into the middle, but there's nobody there to convert.
45 min +1: WHAT A GOAL!!! Aston Villa 1-0 Manchester United. United are on the attack, and refuse to put the ball out while Clark is prone in the area. They may regret their opportunism, because the move breaks down, and Villa scamper upfield, with United light at the back. Bannan sweeps a pass down the left for Benteke, who powers along the wing. He stops suddenly, then before twisting back, spectacularly shoulder-barges Smalling out of the way, a proper old-school bullying. No doubt there'll be complaints about the challenge, but they're all grown adults and there's nothing wrong with that. Benteke wastes no time in pulling a low ball across for the onrushing Weimann, who from the edge of the box sidefoots at full power straight through De Gea, beaten all ends up for pace. What a strike that was! A magnificent finish, but Benteke, dearie me.
HALF TIME: Aston Villa 1-0 Manchester United. And that's the last act of the half. Villa were excellent, and thoroughly deserve their lead. United have been all over the shop at the back. Fergie will be plugging in the hairdryer as we speak, with a view to turning it up to 11 or maybe even 17.
HALF-TIME ENTERTAINMENT: United will have the blues at the moment, that much is certain. So let's go back to the Seventies, with this surprisingly rifftastic number from Aberdonian singer-songwriter Martin Buchan.
Not sure who's behind the tinkling piano riff that Oscar Peterson would have been proud to play. Lou Macari, perhaps? I can certainly picture him sitting behind a Steinway, in dinner jacket and dickie bow, a long, tall glass of gin and cucumber sitting on the piano top, a cigarette smoldering enigmatically in an ashtray, smoke flitting across the dots.
And we're off again! Villa will be kicking towards the Holte End, but it's United who get the ball first, kicking off for the second period as they do. A change for the visitors: the pantomime villain Young is swapped for Hernandez.
47 min: United are dominating the early exchanges of this half, with van Persie scurrying around down the right and forcing Clark to head his cross behind for a corner, from which nothing develops.
50 min: GOAL!!! Aston Villa 2-0 Manchester United. What on earth are United's back four doing? They're all gathered in the middle of their own half, positioned on a small square of turf like the dots on a dice. It allows Ireland to spread a pass out left for Agbonlahor, who screams into the area before dragging a low ball into the centre, where the onrushing - and onside - Weimann sidefoots home from six yards. What a simple goal! What tatters United are in! And so much for their early dominance of the half!
53 min: United rock for a couple of minutes, Agbonlahor threatening to break clear down the left again. Then they press forward again, but Carrick and van Persie can't combine on the edge of the area, and Stevens clanks clear. Villa Park is rocking, much as you'd imagine it to be with the scoreline as it is.
55 min: Ireland is booked for a crude, late lunge on Smalling. He can have no complaints. "Villa's best hope was to not score and hope that United would sleepwalk the whole way through the game," suggests Niall Mullen. "The optimum time for them to score would be 100ms before the ref blew for full time. Now, though, they have awoken the Cracken." Well, they've been here before alright. Gerard Houllier's side were two up with nine minutes to play, two years ago almost to the day, before Federico Macheda and Nemanja Vidic earned United a draw. And of course there was that FA Cup tie in 2002. United will need to raise their game, though; they've been wholly poor today up to this point.
58 min: GOAL!!! Aston Villa 2-1 Manchester United. And so it begins? Scholes, in the centre circle, sprays a delightful ball down the inside-right channel to spring Hernandez clear. The striker lets the ball snag under his feet as he enters the area, but despite feeling pressure from Clark on his left shoulder, he manages to regain his composure and guide a scruffy effort through the advancing Guzan and into the bottom left. That's his fifth goal in six games - and the league leaders are right back in this!!!
60 min: United were dreadful for the best part of the first hour, but don't expect their final half hour to be so dismal now. Valencia makes good down the right and whips a ball across for Scholes, who isn't far off meeting the cross at the far post.
62 min: Villa have obviously decided that sitting back is a completely pointless endeavour. Agbonlahor has a whack from the left. Cleared. Then he makes off down the right, and sends one into the centre, Bentake heading straight at De Gea. They've 30 minutes to hold on, but...
63 min: GOAL!!! Aston Villa 2-2 Manchester United. Yep, it had begun alright. Scholes sets Rafael free with an exquisite sliderule ball down the right. The full back crosses deep. Cutting in from the left, at a tight angle, is Hernandez - and the ball ends up in the net! It initially looks like a majestic finish, but not quite: the volley flashes across the face of goal and goes in off Vlaar. It's still wonderful play by the striker - what a connection, and what a substitution! - but it's not his goal, is all.
66 min: God knows how this will end. First Rooney takes a long-distance whack, Guzan doing well to palm clear a shot that was going into the bottom right. Then, up the other end, Bannan finds the head of Weimann with a curling cross from deep. Weimann's ten yards out, and powers a header straight at De Gea, who reflexes the ball back out to safety. This game will not end 2-2.
67 min: Disclaimer: our lawyers would like to point out that this game may still end 2-2.
69 min: United's players, so strangely subdued for so long, are strutting around with much more purpose now. Carrick, Scholes and Rooney swish the ball hither and yon, pulling Villa this way and that as they line up along the front of their area. Nothing happens for the visitors this time, but you get the feeling United really fancy this now.
70 min: Nevertheless, Villa don't plan to go away quietly. Benteke, 12 yards out, meets a right-wing cross, Smalling deflecting his effort out for a corner. Bannan fires the set piece straight through the box, a ball that looks dangerous before sailing harmlessly out of play on the other side.
72 min: Up the other end, and a corner for United from the left. Rooney swings it in. Van Persie meets it at the near post, six yards out, and hammers a powerheader off the crossbar. You can hear the twang back in Manchester.
73 min: If the crossbar was twanging 60 seconds ago, it's now slap-riffin' like the E string on That Bloke From Level 42's bass guitar. Van Persie cuts inside from the right and unleashes a preposterously clean effort goalwards, the ball heading for the top left. Unfortunately for the Dutch striker, it's about one inch off target, and, to the tune of The Sun Goes Down (Living It Up), wallops the woodwork.
76 min: Benteke makes off at speed down the right, and his cross isn't too far from finding Agbonlahor in the centre, but the wee man doesn't have his stacked heels on, and United clear. "You can tell that this is a poor Villa side (tautology?) because usually they can hold out until 80-85 minutes before capitulating completely," is how Niall Mullen has decided to twist the knife.
78 min: Scholes, incidentally, was replaced by Cleverley a good seven minutes ago, a fact I've only just remembered because Anderson has just come on for Rooney. But can you blame me? This match hasn't stopped. It's been grand entertainment.
79 min: El Ahmadi comes on for Ireland. "Is it me or does Gary Lineker have the look of Alan Partridge in this photo?" wonders James Riordan. In his KMKYWAP years, indeed.
80 min: And another change for Villa, Holman coming on for the two-goal hero Weimann.
83 min: Villa Park is tense. A couple of minutes of Attack v Defence here. Villa can't get out of their own third. Crosses are flung in from either side. Then Rafael, coming in from the right, stupidly releases the pressure by looking for the top-left corner from 30 yards. The ball sails into a stand containing rather a lot of good people from the Birmingham area who are currently breathing quite irregularly.
85 min: Agbonlahor wins a free kick down the Villa left. Bannan sweeps a long diagonal ball to Benteke, on the right-hand corner of the United area. Benteke - who has been magnificent - brings the ball down despite being challenged by three United players. He slips it to Holman, who isn't far away from breaking clear into the area down the inside-right channel. But Smalling snuffs the move out, and Villa's brief sortie upfield is over. "Gary Lineker is not fit to lace Alan Partridge's boots," opines Simon McMahon. An opinion, of course, can also be a fact.
86 min: Delph comes on for Bannan.
87 min: SEEN THIS SCORELINE BEFORE? Aston Villa 2-3 Manchester United. This was so simple. A free kick to United, midway in the Villa half down the right. Van Persie curls the set piece at pace towards the far post, where Hernandez guides the ball into the bottom-right corner. So clinical. He's turned this game around almost single-handedly. Villa have that familiar queasy feeling.
89 min: Villa are trying to respond, but the heart's not in it. They look totally deflated. They performed so well for the first hour, and now they're facing yet another abject home defeat at the hands of Manchester United.
90 min: There will be five added minutes. The away support have set the narrative arc of this match to song.
90 min +3: Holman shapes to shoot on the edge of the United area, but Evra blocks. Corner. Wasted corner.
90 min +4: United are sitting back, inviting a wee bit of pressure. Benteke sashays across the front of the box, left to right, but can't get a shot away.
FULL TIME: Aston Villa 2-3 Manchester United. But that's that. Villa were brilliant for the first 60 minutes, but United were even better for the final 30. And once again, the home side are on the end of another excruciating turnaround. O bitter ending! I'll slip away before they're up. They'll never see. Nor know. Nor miss me. And it's old and old it's sad and old it's sad and weary I go back to you, my cold father, my cold mad father, my cold mad feary father, till the near sight of the mere size of him, the moyles and moyles of it, moananoaning, makes me seasilt saltsick and I rush, my only, into your arms. I see them rising! Save me from those therrble prongs! Two more. Onetwo moremens more. So. Avelaval. My leaves have drifted from me. All. But one clings still. I'll bear it on me. To remind me of. Lff! So soft this morning, ours. Yes. Carry me along, taddy, like you done through the toy fair! If I seen him bearing down on me now under whitespread wings like he'd come from Arkangels, I sink I'd die down over his feet, humbly dumbly, only to washup. Yes, tid. There's where. First. We pass through grass behush the bush to. Whish! A gull. Gulls. Far calls. Coming, far! End here. Us then. Finn, again! Take. Bussoftlhee, mememormee! Till thousendsthee. Lps. The keys to. Given! A way a lone a last a loved a long the
Premier LeagueManchester UnitedAston VillaScott Murrayguardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
November 9, 2012
Football transfer rumours: Victor Wanyama to Manchester United?
Today's gossip has no standfirst as a result of industrial action
Liverpool fans with high blood pressure are strongly advised not to read this opening paragraph. Firstly, there is still no interest whatsoever in shop-window dummies Stewart Downing, Joe Cole or Jordan Henderson, not from football clubs, not from glue factories, not from anyone. Meanwhile, a young lad they recently gave away for nix, nada, gratis is currently the subject of a £10m bidding war. Their former charge Tom Ince – think Downing but without the chronic lack of ambition and crushing inferiority complex – is ripping it up at Blackpool, and will soon be moving to either Tottenham Hotspur, Newcastle United or, and this is why Liverpool fans with stage-one hypertension should have left this bit well alone as previously recommended, Manchester United.
Manchester United are also very interested in purchasing a central midfielder for the first time since 1993. They are prepared to spend £12m on Victor Wanyama, who was immense in Celtic's victory over yesterday's men Barcelona in midweek. United can't get it right all the time, though, nobody's perfect, and to illustrate, they're planning another £12m bid, only this one's for Ryan Shawcross of big-spending underachievers Stoke City. So it's swings and roundabouts there.
Good news coming out of Arsenal, a club we previously thought had given up. They're going back to basics and plan to sign a striker from the lower leagues, like they used to years ago when successfully sourcing meat-and-potatoes grafters such as Perry Groves and Theo Walcott. Charlie Austin's their man, although Arsène Wenger being Arsène Wenger, he's waited until the Burnley striker has been sprinkled with a little stardust before making his move: Austin is currently the leading scorer in Europe with 20 goals, leaving the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo and yesterday's man Lionel Messi in his wake. Liverpool are also interested, so expect a £12m bid from Manchester United any day now, just to wind them up.
Austin may spark a Burnley exodus, with Wolves and Charlton sniffing around midfielder Dean Marney. Two departures … is that enough for an exodus? It's not, is it.
Ach, hold on, Arsenal have given up. Bacary Sagna's off to Internazionale.
Newcastle United are planning a bid for Toulouse midfielder Moussa Sissoko, with a view to fattening him up for 18 months then selling on for a huge profit. What a scouting operation Newcastle have! What a sustainable business model! What happened to Basket Case Newcastle?! We miss Basket Case Newcastle.
Anyway, that's your lot, barring a few odds and ends. We conclude today's trading report with a series of rumours concerning up-and-coming young stars from around the globe. If you've already heard of two or more of these lads, well done, you make the likes of Jonathan Wilson and Michael Cox look like Roger Nouveau from the Fast Show.
Chelsea will spend £8m on Vitesse Arnhem striker Wilfried Bony, who is also a target for Aston Villa. The European champions are also about to seal deals for Fluminense full-back Wallace and PSV Eindhoven's teenage defender Riechedly Bazoer, then never play them before getting rid to mid-ranking sides in La Liga.
West Ham are looking at young Grasshoppers Zurich midfielder Izet Hajrovic. Maribor striker Robert Beric is on the Aston Villa shopping list, although Napoli and Sampdoria are also sniffing around. And Manchester City are thinking about Chelsea midfielder Conor Hunte, with a view to doing the young lad a very big favour by taking him as far away from the city of cockney rhyming slang as soon as possible.
Right, that's it. Fin. Done. Do one!
Scott Murrayguardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
November 3, 2012
West Ham v Manchester City - as it happened
City huffed and puffed, but couldn't break through a determined Hammers back line
Back in January, Liverpool offered Manchester City a swap of Andy Carroll and Carlos Tevez, and with a straight face as well. City turned that generous offer down, and it can't be said in all honesty that they've since regretted their decision. Tevez would become a major figure in City's first title win since 1968, while Carroll only scored two more league goals all season.
Tevez has five goals to his name already this time round, while Carroll has yet to score for his new club West Ham. But could this be the day things turn round for the big man? Because if there's ever a chance of breaking his duck, it's when facing City: he's scored more goals against the reigning champions than any other side in the Premier League. Four goals, he's put past them. Four! Here comes number five? Let's see.
Incidentally, if there's any good time for West Ham to be taking on City, it's now. The visitors need to win here to keep on the trail of neighbours Manchester United, but they could be forgiven for taking their eye off the ball tonight with a must-win match against Ajax in the Champions League coming up on Tuesday. The hosts meanwhile are coming off the back of a very healthy 4-1 win in the last game at Upton Park, which was admittedly only against Southampton, but four-goal hauls are four-goal hauls are four-goal hauls. This promises to be a decent ding-dong battle. It is on!
Kick off: 5.30pm.
West Ham United: Jaaskelainen, O'Brien, Reid, Collins, McCartney, Jarvis, Noble, Diame, Benayoun, Nolan, Carroll.
Subs: Spiegel, Cole, Maiga, Spence, O'Neil, Chambers, Hall.
Manchester City: Hart, Nastasic, Kompany, Kolo Toure, Clichy, Milner, Yaya Toure, Nasri, Tevez, Dzeko, Balotelli.
Subs: Pantilimon, Zabaleta, Sinclair, Kolarov, Javi Garcia, Aguero, Barry.
Referee: Howard Webb (S Yorkshire). England's premier official, pictured left in his civvies, has been quite the star of his last two Premier League matches. Seven yellow cards and a red for Jordi Gomez in the Sunderland-Wigan match, and eight yellows in the contretemps between Newcastle and Manchester United, though crucially no red for Robin van Persie in the latter game, despite the United striker having utilised his elbow to frank Yohan Cabaye's coupon. Well done, Howard! I wonder what high jinx he'll get up to today? By the way, you never notice a good referee, that's an old saying, isn't it.
Now then, Manchester City wouldn't be Manchester City without a spot of pointless psychodrama. And here's James Milner flinging his toys out of the pram along a perfect parabola bib to the ground, when it's decided he's not playing. Talk is of a hamstring injury in the warm-up, but the player doesn't seem to be feeling it too badly if that reaction is anything to go by. Roberto Mancini ushers Milner to the tunnel, with a view to discussing the matter in the dressing room. Milner disappears into the stand, and David Platt gets involved, his open-palms gesture appearing to tell the boss to "calm down, leave it to me, he ain't worth it". Anyway, Barry is now expected to start instead. So City's team will look like this: Hart, Nastasic, Kompany, Kolo Toure, Clichy, Barry, Yaya Toure, Nasri, Tevez, Dzeko, Balotelli.
Subs: Pantilimon, Zabaleta, Sinclair, Kolarov, Javi Garcia, Aguero, Razak.
It's all OK, no psychodrama to see here! "I can lipread as I'm deaf," begins Joe Balfour. "Milner said something like 'something went' and Mancini turned round and told a member of staff 'take him to hospital' before he went down the tunnel. Mind you, I could be completely wrong and they were arguing about something."
The teams are out! West Ham are in their trademark claret and blue, Manchester City in all black. First there's a minute's silence for the upcoming Remembrance Day, impeccably observed. And we'll soon be on our way. "Maybe it's just where I am but the Guardian has chosen to juxtapose the photos for two stories in a very interesting way," notes Robin Hazlehurst. "Maybe some at City weren't so sure about turning that generous offer from Liverpool down? Those gazes tell a story for the ages."
And we're off! West Ham get the ball rolling. They're kicking towards... I know not the name of the stand, but if they really hoof the ball, it'll end up at the tube station. City soon take up possession, and Nasri looks for Balotelli down the inside left, but the ball rolls out of play.
3 min: It's all a bit hoof and hope at the moment, both teams going at it in the fast fashion. Not much in the way of control to report.
4 min: A free kick to West Ham, just inside the City half. Noble sends it looping down the inside-right channel and into the area, where Nolan takes a first-time slash at the ball, wheeching it low and hard into the net! A masterful finish, but he's flagged for offside. It's a terrible decision, too, as though Nolan was ahead of most of the City back line, Dzeko was lumbering deep on the other side of the pitch, playing the West Ham captain onside. On the touchline, Sam Allardyce is burning like a supernova, and no wonder. A let-off for City there.
7 min: City can't quite get the passes sticking at the moment. West Ham aren't dealing in rancour since the disallowed goal, instead knocking it around with some confidence themselves.
9 min: Noble slides in to stop Dzeko rampaging towards the West Ham box, and looks for a minute to have done himself a mischief upon doing so. But he's up and about after a spot of writhing around.
10 min: After some rococo passing on the edge of the West Ham area, Nasri opens his body up and aims for the top right. Jaaskelainen is behind it all the way, but can only parry to the onrushing Dzeko. The City striker is flagged offside, incorrectly again as it happens, but this one doesn't count so much as Dzeko heads wide right from close range. Some piss-poor flagging going on at the moment.
12 min: The City fans, by the way, have been loud and lusty in their support of manager Roberto Mancini, suggesting that they don't hold this Monaco business against him.
13 min: Diame, who scored a screecher a few Saturday evenings ago against Arsenal, nearly bags himself another mini-classic, cutting in from the left and unleashing a rasping shot from the edge of the box that only just clears the bar. The Boleyn takes a sharp collective intake of breath as the ball blooters into the stand. That's a fine effort.
15 min: Tevez and Dzeko combine down the inside left, nearly breaking clear into the West Ham box after a couple of one-twos, but eventually the move breaks down as Dzeko miscontrols.
17 min: Carroll goes up for a cross from the right, and has his right breast caressed sensually by Kompany. He falls to the floor demanding a penalty, but the referee is quite rightly not having it.
18 min: Jarvis crosses deep from the left. Benayoun, cutting inside from the right, hammers a first-time volley up and over Hart, and onto the crossbar. What a stunning effort, and once again, the Hammers are unlucky.
19 min: Dzeko is clipped to the floor as he races towards the West Ham area, to the right of goal. The free kick is taken by Tevez. He's looking for the top left corner of the goal, and just about finds the top left corner of the stand.
21 min: Yaya Toure is given the run of the West Ham half. Dangerous move, as it persuades City's big man to have a whack from distance. It's a hell of a blooter, but not totally accurate, high and wide right of the goal.
22 min: And now it's West Ham's big man to take a turn to shine. He wins a knockdown on the edge of the City area. Benayoun takes up possession, then rolls it back to Carroll who, level with the right-hand post, takes a touch then hammers a low shot just wide right of goal. That was a lovely move, and an even better effort. Had Carroll's shot, not far away by any means, been on target, it was a goal as Hart was rooted to the spot.
25 min: A lull. "Surely the caption under Andy Carroll's photo should read 'I think, er, therefore, er, I think, like'," suggests Nigel Moore. "I mean which footballer is prone to Cartesian meditations? Give us a break!" Fair enough. Here, apparently the first draft of the famous bit from Hamlet was "To be, or not to be, aye there's the point", patter which also begs to be read aloud in the Geordie style. You can picture the big man gadding around wielding a skull, can't you?
28 min: Diame cuts inside from the left, but instead of shooting this time he attempts to find Carroll's noggin with a looping cross. It's overcooked, and flies out of play on the right. After a lively start, this game is simmering down a wee bit.
31 min: Dzeko, Tevez and Barry step things up, flicking the ball all the way across the pitch from right to left. Eventually the ball's sent wide to Clichy, who pulls the ball back to the edge of the area. Balotelli meets the ball, and shapes a gorgeous effort towards the top left. But it's blocked by Collins, brilliantly so. City eventually make do with a corner after a mild scramble, but nothing comes of it.
33 min: City are turning up the gas a wee bit. A free kick down the left, sent arcing in by Tevez. Balotelli gets in ahead of the West Ham back line. He's onside, and meets the ball six yards out, but loops it high over the bar, perhaps mindful of Jaaskelainen, who is off his line quickly with a wild look in his eye.
35 min: City keep threatening to do some very fancy things, but they're not quite coming off yet. Balotelli, Nasri and Dzeko combine with a series of reverse passes, flicks and shimmies down the left, but eventually a misplaced slider allows Reid to hack clear. It's pretty stuff, though. I suppose you can start with the Baroque patterns when you're enjoying 73% possession.
37 min: Kolo Toure pounces on a loose clearance by Diame to make for the byline down the right. He pulls the ball across for Balotelli, who belabours a first-time close-range swipe wide right of the goal. He should have done much better there. City are beginning to boss this.
41 min: Sorry, I zoned out for a minute or two there. The ball's been repeatedly humped upfield by one team, then back down by the other. Very hypnotic, like watching a Newton's cradle.
43 min: Nasri and Balotelli dance in tandem down the left, the latter eventually winning a corner off Collins. He claims for a penalty, the ball having hit the defender's forearm at close range, but he's not getting one. The set piece is cleared by Carroll, but the ball immediately comes back at West Ham, Yaya Toure finding himself in space down the right, only to slash a dreadful effort wide right of goal from ten yards.
45 min: Nasri comes in from the right and wings a ball into the area, where Balotelli holds off the attentions of O'Brien and powers a scissor kick just wide right of goal. City are finishing this half strongly.
HALF TIME: West Ham United 0-0 Manchester City. Well, City probably deserve to be leading this game on the balance of possession and the sheer number of chances created. But then only Kevin Nolan has put the ball in the net, for a disallowed goal that should have been permitted to stand. Should make for quite a second half, with City desperate not to let their neighbours United open up any sort of gap between them at the top of the table.
HALF-TIME ENTERTAINMENT: This is the first match between West Ham and City since the passing of John Bond, who won the FA Cup with the Hammers in 1964 as a player, and was eleven minutes and a Tommy Hutchison own goal away from repeating the trick 17 years later as City's manager. Any convoluted excuse, basically, to trot out City!, the most entertaining football documentary of all time...
Fans of olfactory illusions will particularly enjoy the scene in the boardroom, when Bond is interviewed for the City job. It positively reeks of ciggie smoke.
And we're off again! No changes. City get the ball moving again; we're 50 seconds into the half, and nobody's really bothered controlling it yet.
47 min: Collins has mildly jiggered his right ankle. Nothing serious, but he's suffering at the moment. Sympathy will be limited, as he did it while standing on Tevez's foot, then slipping over like a clumsy sod and twisting his own peg.
48 min: Collins is up and about again.
50 min: Nasri steams into the West Ham half, with two team-mates either side of him. He's got options to set a very dangerous City move in flow, with the Hammers light at the back, but a wonderful tackle from Reid slows him down. Still, City are soon moving forward again, through Dzeko down the left. He zips a low ball into the area. Balotelli takes an air shot eight yards out, then Collins fails to clear. Eventually Tevez cutting in from the right, looks for the bottom-right corner, but Jaaskelainien is behind it all the way.
52 min: A corner to City down the right, but what happens isn't really worth describing. West Ham try to break upfield, but they soon have the ball taken off them, and City win another corner, this time down the left. Tevez sends the ball in, straight down Jaaskelainen's throat, but the big keeper flaps at the ball, letting it squirm through his hands and out for another corner, the second in this sequence to come down the right. Again, nothing comes of it. A lot of description for a whole load of nothing, but I suppose at least it illustrates how City are pressing West Ham back, the home side unable to get out.
55 min: Collins lumps a long free kick into the City half from a deep position down the right. Nolan clumsily falls over in the area, and is offside. West Ham really aren't offering much at the moment. City break upfield through Balotelli down the right; his ball inside flies right across the face of goal, Dzeko unable to turn the ball home.
56 min: Collins clatters into Tevez from behind. The ball flies out left, where Clichy is storming free into space. Howard Webb, the star of the show, doesn't fancy playing advantage, pulling play back to book Collins. City have a free kick, but do nix with it. Well done, Howard!
58 min: A real chance spurned here for West Ham, Benayoun swinging a cross in from the right, Nolan guiding a header to the right of goal from close range. It's not particularly exciting, this game, but there are enough half-chances being carved out here to suggest someone will score at some point.
60 min: And there we go, having said that, Carroll nearly does score, meeting McCartney's left-wing cross at the far post with a powerful overhead kick that balloons off the back of Nastasic and out of play for a futile corner.
61 min: Benayoun is booked for a late clatter on his former team-mate Tevez.
63 min: Yaya Toure slides Tevez clear down the left. He's in acres, but instead of sliding the ball across early towards Balotelli in the centre, he over-elaborates, pausing before attempting a ludicrous threaded pull-back through a sea of backtracking players for Dzeko. Unsurprisingly, the ball doesn't give the forward any chance whatsoever, and the chance is gone. In the middle, Balotelli keeps impressively calm; a wee hop of impotent rage would have been permitted under those circumstances.
65 min: Again City over-elaborate. Clichy brilliantly keeps the ball in play down the left at high speed, and they're three on two. He then slides the ball inside for Dzeko, who faffs around before feeding Tevez. The former Hammer takes an aeon to dig the ball out from under his feet, then lashes a spectacularly useless effort miles wide left and high from the edge of the box. That really should have been the opening goal.
68 min: McCartney bustles down the left and wins West Ham a corner. Noble takes. Balotelli, at the near post, heads behind for another corner. Noble takes again. There's a bit of head tennis between Nastasic and Nolan, then City break upfield. Tevez romps down the left, then pulls the ball back to the edge of the area where Barry comes in, takes one touch to take himself past three defenders, then guides a shot wide right of goal with that half of the net gaping. A poor miss, but then Barry's deliberately handled the ball anyway with that one touch, so it wouldn't have counted. No booking, though, which seems kind of strange. Oh Howard!
70 min: Balotelli goes off, to be replaced by Aguero. As he leaves the field, the ESPN commentary team make a huge song and dance about the mild frown playing across the Italian's coupon, as if he's the only player in the history of All Football to ever feel a bit miffed at being hooked. So there, it seems, is a footballing first. Oh Mario! Naughty Mario! How could you!
73 min: O'Neil comes on for Diame.
74 min: Aguero and Tevez are this close to opening West Ham up down the right with a pacy one-two, but the move doesn't quite come off. Frustration is beginning to creep in, Tevez waving his arms about in the frantic manner.
76 min: Things are getting a bit frantic for West Ham themselves. Tevez scampers down the right; his pullback is cleared. Clichy retrieves the ball and has a smack goalwards. It's not much of an effort, but it allows Tevez to pick up the ball in the middle of a melee and hammer another shot towards the net. Collins, flinging himself in the way of the ball John Terry style, blocks. Aguero looks to latch onto the loose ball, but falls over a challenge instead. It's not a penalty, and although Aguero claims for one, it's in the half-arsed fashion.
78 min: Carroll is replaced by Cole. The big man's last act was to spoon a left-wing cross from Jarvis over the bar, his team-mate having bustled magnificently down the inside-left channel and into the area to fashion the chance.
80 min: A free kick to City, 40 yards out on the right, as Nasri is annoyed by O'Brien. Yaya Toure slides a pass down the inside-right channel; Aguero hits low and hard towards the bottom-right corner, only to see his effort parried clear.
82 min: McCartney is booked for a late lunge on Barry, who was looking to break clear down the right. A no-brainer for the referee.
83 min: Aguero loops the ball into the box from the right. Barry gets his head to it, but Jaaskelainen plucks the ball from the night sky.
84 min: A change made by both teams. Tevez is replaced by Javi Garcia - and departs to warm applause from both sets of fans - while Collins is displaced by Spence.
87 min: This is attack versus defence now, and in all truth has been for most of the match, but City have rarely looked like breaking through. West Ham have been defending resolutely, and don't look like buckling. It would be cruel, given the effort they've put in at the back tonight, if they did.
89 min: Nasri sashays down the right. He slips the ball back to Yaya Toure, who sweeps a cross towards Aguero. Reid heads out for a corner. From which City apply a fair bit of pressure, but it comes to naught, the aforementioned Toure tap-dancing on the edge of the area before banging a shot high over the bar.
90 min: A late, late roll of the dice by Roberto Mancini, who replaces Nasri with Sinclair. He'll have the three added-on minutes to win the day for City.
90 min +1: It's all hoof and hope from City.
90 min +2: The hope's running out for them. West Ham are running down the clock magnificently.
FULL TIME: West Ham United 0-0 Manchester City. West Ham have the point their efforts richly deserved. It was all City in terms of possession, but the home side refused to buckle. Indeed, they scored a legitimate goal through Kevin Nolan right at the start of the game, only for the strike to be disallowed for a non-existent offside. Still, on balance, a draw is probably right. And it's City's first goalless one since last Boxing Day. A frustrating result for Mancini's side, not least because neighbours United now lead the Premier League, two clear of third-placed City, and a point ahead of Chelsea.
Premier LeagueWest Ham UnitedManchester CityScott Murrayguardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
Manchester United v Arsenal - as it happened | Scott Murray
• United win easily without playing especially well
• See Tom Jenkins' photos from the game
There's no getting away from this: Arsenal lost this fixture 8-2 last season. Eight goals to two! And one of their two was scored by Robin van Persie, who, well, y'know.
But Arsenal fans should find succour in the fact that it's a once-in-a-lifetime freak resul... erm, except of course they've just won their last match 7-5, after being four goals down at Reading. And that came less than two years after giving up a four-goal lead in the Premier League themselves (at Newcastle in February 2011), while in the interim they've completed amazing comebacks at Chelsea (5-3) and against Spurs (5-2) and nearly pulled off another versus Milan in the European Cup (losing 4-3 on aggregate after being 4-0 down). Manchester United, meanwhile, have just won 3-2 at previously unbeaten league leaders Chelsea, before snatching defeat from the jaws of victory against the same opposition, going down 5-4 in the League Cup. Absolutely anything could happen here today, the way these two clubs are clowning around.
So, there we go, I've just guaranteed a 0-0, then. Oop! Sorry. Still, everyone involved could probably do with calming down a wee bit after the week they've had.
Nevertheless, here's what everyone, except your MBM reporter, is hoping for today: Another ten or twelve goal thriller, please!
What your MBM reporter is hoping for today: A 90-minute lull, and the prospect of leaving the office with fully functioning fingers.
What Arsenal will be hoping for today: A change in recent form, because United did the double over them last season, and have won six of the last seven encounters between the two teams, and 10 of the last 13. United have also, perhaps more relevantly, won 11 of their last 13 games. Additionally, the Gunners haven't won at Old Trafford since Emmanuel Adebayor snatched a late 1-0 victory in September 2006. They'll be looking for a big Fortune Switcheroo, and a day during which former charge van Persie keeps very quiet to boot (unless he somehow manages to get himself sent off, Liam O'Brien style, in the first minute).
Kick off: 12.45pm.
Manchester United name the same starting XI from last Sunday's win at Stamford Bridge: De Gea, Da Silva, Ferdinand, Evans, Evra, Valencia, Carrick, Cleverley, Young, Rooney, van Persie.
Subs: Lindegaard, Anderson, Hernandez, Nani, Scholes, Powell, Wootton.
Arsenal are also unchanged from their previous league game, last Saturday's victory over QPR : Mannone, Sagna, Mertesacker, Vermaelen, Andre Santos, Arteta, Ramsey, Wilshere, Cazorla, Podolski, Giroud.
Subs: Martinez, Koscielny, Walcott, Coquelin, Arshavin, Jenkinson, Chamakh.
Referee: Mike Dean (Wirral), whose last runout came at White Hart Lane a fortnight ago, when Spurs were spanked 4-2 by Chelsea. Dean has doled out 28 yellows and one red in his nine games so far this season, Fernando Forestieri of Watford the only chap he's sent packing. He's refereed United and Arsenal once each this season, and on both occasions the teams have been good little boys: no bookings for United in their 3-2 win at Southampton, and no cards for Arsenal in their 1-1 draw at Manchester City. Of course, we hope we're not talking about the referee in such depth come full time, except we all sort of hope we are, because penalties, red cards, egregious decisions and 21-man brawls can be fun. Hey, we can't all be purists.
The teams are out! Lovely scenes in the tunnel, with Robin van Persie embracing a few of his old Arsenal pals as the players line up. That'll be the pleasantries over with, then. Everyone takes to the pitch for the ludicrous pre-match handshakes, United in their trademark southern-belle gingham, Arsenal in one of Internazionale's old cast-offs. Big clubs with a lot of tradition, right here. "Speaking as Arsenal fan: should this match be announced as Irresistible Force vs Immovable Object v2.0?" wonders Admir Pajiæ. "It's the best attack vs best defense in the league so far - Manchester United averaged three goals scored per game since opening defeat against Everton while Arsenal conceded only six in nine matches. On the other hand, given that United more or less had under-average defense so far and Arsenal attackers scored nine out of 14 goals in two matches (Southampton and West Ham United), this could be dubbed as Movable Object vs Resistible Force as well."
And we're off! Arsenal get proceedings under way, hoofing the ball long towards the Stretford End, and losing possession after 0.00000003 seconds. United respond by hoicking it upfield quickly themselves, to little effect. More please, teams!
2 min: Young skitters down the left at speed. He's got a bit of room after nipping behind Sagna, but the resulting low cross is a bit useless and flies straight into the hands of Mannone, with no United attacker anywhere near it. "To bring an air of calm to footballing proceedings, rather than wearing t-shirts each player should be required to carry a cup of tea on a saucer while doing their tackling and passing," suggests Ian Copestake. "It will inject a much needed gentility into the game. Excessive spillage will result in a straight red." Sounds like a plan to me. Putting the milk in before the tea can be a bookable offence. And instead of throwing bits of pizza in the tunnel, they can launch cucumber sandwiches into each other's affronted coupons.
3 min: ROBIN VAN PERSIE SCORES!!! Manchester United 1-0 Arsenal. What a start by United! And what a double cock-up by Arsenal. Rafael is sent clear down the right, Andre Santos lounging around in no-man's-land like an eejit. Rafael sweeps a low cross into the area. Vermaelen looks to hack clear, but doesn't connect particularly well. Not at all. The ball flies straight to van Persie, on the edge of the area, level with the right-hand post. And the former Arsenal striker threads a magnificent first-time effort into the bottom-left corner. An exquisite finish, and one that van Persie chooses not to celebrate. There's nice, I suppose, though players really need to stop this nonsense. He's a United player now, and should scamper about accordingly.
5 min: Arsenal are attempting to calm themselves down by stringing a few passes around at the back, but they're going nowhere fast, and look stunned and highly nervous. "Just looked up the word Santos in the dictionary, 'noun, a slow object that is prone to persistent errors, no understanding of stopping other objects moving past it'," writes our answer to Susie Dent, Ciaran McGowan. "Santos presence in the team always guarantees excitement and goals - for the opposition. What is Wenger thinking; leaving a wooden box in the left back opposition would be more effective than Santos."
8 min: Arsenal have settled a wee bit now, after that early shock. Ramsey looks to get something going down the right, but after cutting inside his low pass in the direction of Giroud is cut out by Cleverley. "Like many ageing MBMer, the prospect of new Star Wars films (hurrah!) and Robbie Williams being number 1 has me wallowing in nostalgia," writes Ryan Dunne. "As such, surely, despite last season's 8-2, it would be great to see a return to the early-mid 00s calibre of this fixture. All it would take is Arsenal to stop selling all their best players and Man U to actually have a midfield and we could be in for a new, Viera v Keane, pizzagate-style golden age!"
10 min: Wilshere sets a lovely Arsenal move going down the right. The resulting cross by Ramsey is cleared easily enough, but the ball finds its way to the feet of Andre Santos, who from 20 yards screws a risible effort miles right of goal. To be fair, the ball doesn't quite go out for a throw, but there's only a foot or two in it. Still, this is a reasonable response by Arsenal, though United seem happy enough to sit back at the moment.
12 min: Andre Santos gives the ball away in midfield, when attempting to find Arteta, who's about ten yards away from him in acres of space. The Arsenal left back is having the dictionary definition of a shocker so far. Still, there's plenty of time for him to turn it round, which can either be a good thing or a very worrying state of affairs indeed, depending which way you look at it.
14 min: Wilshere is booked for a totally pointless swipe from behind on Cleverley. That's a no-brainer for the referee. The Arsenal youngster had just been clattered himself, fairly enough in a 50-50 front-on challenge with (I think, but I'm not sure) van Persie, but you could see the red mist descend. He'll need to calm down quicksmart.
16 min: United are enjoying the lion's share of possession, but in the calm style; they're in no rush to bomb forward. Arsenal, meanwhile, are still trying to press forward in response to their predicament, but the passes aren't quite sticking. "Why is Santos getting pelters for Vermaelen's horrendous howler?" wonders Sasu Laaksonen. "Some perspective please. Vermaelen is not even English. There's no need to mollycoddle him."
18 min: Rooney releases van Persie into the Arsenal box down the inside left. The striker has to check back, Mertesacker tracking him well. The ball's fed to Young, who slides an appalling low ball straight to Vermaelen, who clears properly this time.
19 min: Acres of space down the right again for United, courtesy of our pal Andre Santos, who's popped off on holiday to Blackpool, I think. Valencia scampers along the touchline, though his eventual cross isn't much cop. "Regarding Dictionary's Santos: isn't it the case that Wenger's teams over the past years have contained two or three players who are clearly not good enough to play at the very top level?" suggests Patrick O'Brien. "When was the last time Arsenal's first team contained 11 great players? Do we have to go back to Vieira / Petit / Bergkamp etc?" Wait until half-time, I'll have the answer for you then.
21 min: Rooney sends van Persie scampering into the Arsenal area again, this time down the right. Van Persie hammers a shot goalwards from a tight-ish angle, but it's straight at Mannone, who parries well. United have suddenly turned up the heat a wee bit, and Arsenal are warping a bit down this wing.
22 min: A corner for United down the left off Sagna, but it's wasted, so.
23 min: It's end to end all of a sudden, with Ramsey scooting down the right, and Evra mooching around in the Santosian style. Ramsey nips past the snoozing left-back, and hammers a low cross towards the near post for Giroud, but the increasingly impressive De Gea gets down well to palm clear with purpose. Still, that's better from Arsenal, who were rocking there for a couple of minutes.
26 min: A neat turn by Podolski, 30 yards from goal, followed by a sliderule pass down the inside left. Giroud can't quite get onto the end of it, but that was neat play from the visitors.
27 min: That Podolski turn has been sandwiched by two sorties by Valencia down the right, unguarded by the farcical Andre Santos. The first cross is headed clear with ease. The second lands at Rooney's feet, the berugged striker forcing a fine parry from Mannone as a shot rasps in from the left. The ball breaks to van Persie, who guides the ball goalwards, but with little pace, allowing the keeper to mop up.
29 min: Young is booked for a lousy late stamp on Sagna's tootsies. He can have no complaints.
31 min: Santos is in space down the left, but with teammates in the area and United a tad stretched, he loops an aimless cross into the hands of De Gea. So far, the Brazilian's performance has been one of the real stinkeroos. There's surely a chance he won't be out for the second half, although whether that's because he gets the hook, or has accidentally locked himself in a cupboard under the stairs while looking for a lost pair of trousers, may be a moot point.
34 min: Van Persie wins a header near the halfway line and sends Cleverley scampering clear down - yes - the right wing. Cleverley's got Rooney and Young in the middle, but Santoses the cross straight at Vermaelen, who heads clear. How United haven't scored at least a second is beyond me. Arsenal have been very poor.
35 min: Carrick should be booked for a rake down the back of Wilshere's ankle, the challenge whipping off the Arsenal man's boot. But the referee doesn't produce a card.
36 min: Wilshere's in the wars. He attempts to get something going down the left, but loses control and ends up in a heap by the advertising hoardings. His pained frown as he gathers himself up speaks volumes.
37 min: Cleverley is made to look not-so-clever by Cazorla, who drops a shoulder and sashays past him. The United man sticks a boot out, brings the Spanish star down, and is booked for his trouble.
39 min: Cazorla busies himself down the left, a move which ends in a corner. The Spaniard whips it into the six-yard area himself; Giroud's header is appalling. Not that a goal would have counted, for there's been a spot of hanky-panky in the area, United getting the decision.
40 min: Arsenal are showing signs of recovery, pelting forwards, perhaps having decided that attack is not so much the best form of defence, but in fact their only option in that regard. Cazorla gyrates down the middle, and isn't far away from releasing Podolski with a fizzing pass down the inside-left channel. It doesn't reach his man, but again, this is a wee bit better from the visitors.
42 min: Guess who's been caught miles out of position upfield, allowing United to attack down which wing? Yes, and yep. Rooney it is this time in acres, with Rafael offering the overlap. Arteta, coming over to fill the gap, tackles brilliantly, springs gently to his feet, and makes off with the ball, saving the day for his side. That was a textbook I-think-I'll-have-that-thank-you-very-much interception.
44 min: Rooney bustles down the right, and curls a low cross into the middle towards Cleverley. Mertesacker slashes the ball behind for the corner, nearly finding his own top-left corner of the net. And then, from the set piece...
45 min: PENALTY TO UNITED! Young looks to cross into the area from the left-hand side of the box. Cazorla puts his hands up to shield himself, and can have no complaints when the ball hits his mitts and the referee points to the spot.
45 min +1: ROONEY MISSES THE PENALTY! It's a preposterous effort, dragged wide left of the goal. Dear me.
HALF TIME: Manchester United 1-0 Arsenal. And that's that for the half. Arsenal have been dismal, and are extremely fortunate not to be at least two goals down. Their fans are chanting for Theo Walcott. Surely Arsene Wenger - who shares a cheery word with van Persie as everyone leaves the field - will change things at half time. I wonder who he'll take off? A clue, perhaps, in Andre Santos asking van Persie for his shirt. And getting it! Oh for goodness sake, this is going too far now.
HALF-TIME SINGALONG-A-ARSENAL FROM BETTER TIMES: All good pals and jolly good company. Probably worth winding it back to the start, too. Can't work out whether Jack Lambert is a picture of glorious seething malevolence, or just a bit camerashy. Either way, 109 goals in 161 games, how Arsenal could do with him now. Robin van who?
And we're off again! No changes. Andre Santos is still on the park, in other words. United get the ball rolling, and will be heading towards the Stretford End this time round. "As a Man U fan I would submit either the 97/98 squad (Wenger's second season) or the infamous 2001/02 team," writes Martin Baloch, in a response to Patrick O'Brien's 19th-minute question which is more considered than just bunging up some old clip from the 1930s. "The first was rather tasty looking for intimidation purposes - Seaman, Bould, Dixon, Winterburn, Adams, Viera, Petit, Overmars, Parlour, Bergkamp, Wright/Anelka - while the 01/02 squad was a best of with some new tracks, Henry at his most deadly: Seaman, Lauren, Campbell, Keown, Cole, Ljungberg, Parlour, Viera, Pires, Wiltord, Henry." Two wonderful teams. You can be damn sure Thomas Vermaelen wouldn't have got into either of them. Or, for that matter... but let's not riff on poor old Andre Santos's pain any further.
46 min: Vermaelen faffs round with the ball at his feet, 30 yards from goal, and allows van Persie to scoot clear down the right. The striker crosses low for Valencia, who is clear six yards out, but somehow manages to waft an over-elaborate flick wide left of goal. United should be out of sight. Arsenal fans may be wishing both Vermaelen and Santos were out of their sight.
48 min: Young robs Mertesacker down the left, and slips the ball into the centre. Rafael cuts in from the right but sees his shot deflected back out. Carrick attempts to sidefoot into the top-left corner, but overcooks a woeful effort. Arsenal are really rocking here.
49 min: Andre Santos scampers into space of his own down the left. He looks up, spots there's nobody in the six-yard box, and so sends a cross through the six-yard box. On the other wing, Cazorla starts doing quite a lot of loud shouting, stopping just short of hopping around in the impotent style.
51 min: Arsene Wenger, having seen enough, makes his first change. Ramsey is swapped for Walcott, the away fans getting their wish. "At least when we sell Santos the Arsenal board will genuinely be able to say it was footballing reasons," sighs frustrated Gooner Gavin O'Reilly. "Trust Arsenal to really show RVP what a mistake he made leaving!"
53 min: Arsenal stream forward, Cazorla coming in from the left and sliding a low ball towards the near post for Giroud, who takes a touch before skelping an effort into the side netting. Not exactly brilliant, but the first time Arsenal have got anywhere near the United goal. They'll look to build on this, small acorns and all that.
56 min: Cazorla sliderules Andre Santos free with a wonderful pass down the left. The hapless full back clanks a risible cross into the stand, with the box loaded. It's difficult to escape the feeling that Andre Santos has won some sort of competition to be here. Still, he's had a nice day out.
58 min: Evra drops a shoulder down the left, then pulls the ball back for Rooney, who from the edge of the area looks to sidefoot into the top right. Vermaelen chests down, then in the resulting melee van Persie handles. Arsenal really are all over the shop at the back.
59 min: Cleverley - already booked, remember - comes sliding in from the right and upends Wilshere in a rather clumpish manner. That should have been a second yellow, but not for the first time, the referee takes pity on a player already with a booking to his name.
60 min: Van Persie comes sliding in on Sagna, and is booked for the forward's challenge.
61 min: Cleverley, who could easily have been walking, is replaced by the wise old owl Fergie. Anderson comes on in the player's stead.
63 min: Anderson, turning down the inside-right channel, curls a lovely crossfield pass towards Young, who is this close to trapping the ball and scooting clear into the area. But no. "Personally I'm hoping that in 2014 Brazil field both Santos and David Luiz in defence," writes Jeff Stranks. "It would mean that the likes of Oscar and Neymar would really have to show us what they're capable of in order to make up that two-to-three-goal deficit they'd be starting off with. And wouldn't that be a show." Preach on, brother, I'd tune in. It'd only be better if you could guarantee a victory for either Argentina or, preferably given the way 1950 panned out, Uruguay. Football being all about schadenfreude, and that.
65 min: Free kick for Arsenal down the right. Podolski curls it in, the ball going all the way through the box and out just to the left of goal. Arsenal are slowly getting back into this game.
66 min: Young cuts in from the left and curls a majestic ball into the Arsenal area, van Persie beating the offside trap and sidefooting towards the bottom left. Mannone fingertips brilliantly, turning the ball around the post. Corner for United! From which...
67 min: GOAL!!! Manchester United 2-0 Arsenal. The ball's worked out to Rooney, who from the left curls a peach of a cross onto the head of Evra, who guides an effort into the left-hand side of goal. This two-goal lead is no more than the home side deserve.
68 min: Arsenal are on the ropes again. United stream forward for the nth time, with Anderson sidefooting over from the edge of the area.
69 min: RED CARD FOR WILSHERE!!! A second yellow - and it could have been a straight red - for the young Arsenal midfielder, as he steps on Evra's ankle, sending it bending in a rather disconcerting way. Evra will be fine, but the Future Of English Football™ is off for an early soak.
71 min: Anderson, channeling his inner overweight lummox, stands in the way of Arteta. He's booked.
74 min: Andre Santos has been quiet for a while. Anyway, here he is, somehow avoiding a booking for cynically putting a stop to van Persie's gallop. "I've already imagined the scenario of Argentina beating Brazil in the final," writes Jeff Stranks (63 min). "As someone who lives in Brazil, I'd frankly love it (best not say why) but would be careful to stay indoors for a week or so, and then come out with a placard round my neck saying 'Meu sotaque não é argentino, ta bom meus irmãos!' (My accent isn't Argentinean, OK guys?!)"
76 min: A dismal ball rolled through midfield by Carrick to nobody is picked up by Cazorla, who makes for the Arsenal area at speed. He nudges the ball out right to Walcott, who immediately smashes an inept shot into the stand behind. "I remember fondly the days when Arsenal posed a threat to the evil empire," writes Matthew Coyle. "Used to be all fields round here."
77 min: Rooney lifts a ball down the middle to release van Persie, the striker hammering an effort into the bottom-left corner. Luckily for Arsenal, who could have been on the end of a real thumping here, the United forward is clearly offside.
79 min: The United fans have started singing their annual festive number about Eric Cantona. Four Cantonas, three Cantonas, and all that. It's only just turned November! Come on, folks. Poor show. This is no better than Tesco.
80 min: United put the ball in the net again, triangulating awhile before van Persie springs forward down the inside left and slides the ball across for Anderson, who sidefoots into the bottom right. But Anderson was a smidgen offside, and the goal's rightly chalked off.
81 min: Rooney is booked for a cynical clip on Arteta, as the Arsenal midfielder looks to break forward into the United half.
82 min: Each side makes a change. Arshavin comes on for Podolski, while Nani replaces Valencia.
83 min: Arshavin has been on the field for less than a minute, and he's already in the book - but then again, who isn't - for a late lunge on Rafael as the Brazilian bustles at high speed down the right.
84 min: Rooney releases Nani down the right. The winger lifts a cross into the centre, and only staunch work by Mertesacker stops van Persie heading home by the far post. It's a corner to United, from which nowt happens.
85 min: United haven't been shy in looking for their third goal - they are certainly worth it - but for the minute they're happy enough to knock it around a leisurely pace. Eventually they shuttle forward, Van Persie chasing after an exploratory ball down the inside right, but there's far too much weight on the pass and Mannone comes out to clear.
87 min: Vermaelen does well to bustle Nani off the ball as United look to break into the area down the right, but to be honest the defender's horse has long bolted. About 84 minutes ago, in fact. "I think Koscielny is a far sounder defender, current dip not withstanding," opines Rob Lowery, who has seen "a lot of Vermalens in my time. They look the part, make heroic interceptions but directly, and more often indirectly, leave a mess for others to deal with."
88 min: United take a corner from the right. It comes to nothing. Arsenal look to break through Cazorla. It comes to nothing. This is over, although that's been the case since the third minute.
90 min: Arteta is booked for pushing his arm into van Persie's coupon. "It will interesting to see if the English media - with so much invested in hyping Wilshere as The Future of English Football - has the intellectual integrity to rip him for his stupidity in being sent off in a big match," writes Roger Brown. Intell-what? Integrit-eh? Oh Roger!
90 min +2: De Gea saves at Giroud's feet, the striker latching onto a low left-wing cross from Cazorla. A 2-1 scoreline would have seriously flattered Arsenal, who have been appalling today, barring a wee burst of energy after half time.
90 min +4: GOAL!!! Manchester United 2-1 Arsenal. Some head tennis in the United area. The ball lands at the feet of Cazorla, level with the left-hand post on the edge of the box. He drops a shoulder, takes a nudge inside, then pelts a wonderful effort into the top left. Not that it matters, because...
FULL TIME: Manchester United 2-1 Arsenal. Cazorla's goal is the last kick of the game. And that 2-1 scoreline really does flatter Arsenal, who were dismal today. Still, Santi Cazorla, eh? And as for Robin van Persie... well. He's helped to send a very impressive United to the top of the table for the first time of the season; they'll stay there unless Chelsea win at Swansea City later on.
Premier LeagueManchester UnitedArsenalScott Murrayguardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
November 1, 2012
The Fiver | A thermonuclear Sir Alex Ferguson | Scott Murray
SUPER CALEY GO BALLISTIC, RANGERS ARE ATROCIOUS, IS THE HEADLINE WE'D DEFINITELY HAVE USED HAD THIS STORY BEEN ABOUT THE LEAGUE CUP IN SCOTLAND AND NOT THE CORRESPONDING TOURNAMENT SOUTH OF THE BORDEROn the face of it, last night wasn't a particularly good one for Liverpool. They had been in proud possession of Tin Pot, the shiny three-handled metal jug which the do-gooders of the Football League charitably loan out each year to the most desperate and needy in society, the idea being that everyone should get the chance to feel special at some point. Sort of like when it was Dribbling Dave's turn to look after the class gerbil at infant school. (He's now PM, proof positive this isn't just wishy-washy liberal nonsense.) But yesterday evening the Football League was forced to confiscate Tin Pot from Liverpool, because they simply hadn't been looking after it properly. Joe Cole had got his head stuck in it, and spent the entire time waddling around blindly, clanking into things in the style of a knock-kneed buffoon. A League mandarin eventually managed to prise Tin Pot off Cole's confused noggin, but not before it had been battered completely out of shape, and covered in drool to boot. Oh Joe! Oh Liverpool! You'll not be seeing Tin Pot again any time soon, we'll be bound!
Still, it wasn't all bad news for Liverpudlians, because at Stamford Bridge, secret agent Scott Wootton, with Anfield roots but subsequently planted at Old Trafford, ensured rivals Manchester United won't be in possession of Tin Pot this season either. For Wootton delivered a masterclass in humour, the sort of act that hasn't been caught on film since the imperial phase of Harold Lloyd, one which could only have been more slapstick had he been receiving therapy for motor-skills disorder from Dr J Cole. Wootton spent most of United's tie at Chelsea bowling people over for penalties, gifting possession to the opposition near his own goal, and hanging precariously off the face of a clock, a routine which single-handedly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory for United – and for which a thermonuclear Sir Alex Ferguson hilariously blamed Nani instead.
All good knockabout fun, quite literally in Wootton's case, but the evening was to leave a sour taste – it's almost as if Carling should still be the tournament sponsor – when some toolkit in the crowd was spotted supposedly acting like a toolkit. An image published on the internet appeared to show some loser throwing monkey shapes at one of United's players, while breathing heavily through his mouth, though that second bit may not have been a conscious part of the gesture. Chelsea are looking into the matter, as well as investigating a series of objects pelted on to the pitch from the away section. Given what also happened last weekend, it's just as well these two clubs won't be playing each other for a wee while. Chelsea in particular, with Refgate looming over them, really could do with some space to chill out and relax. So, what's next up for them, then? A trip to their old pals in Leeds for the first time in eight-and-a-half years, that's what. Oh Tin Pot! How could you!
QUOTE OF THE DAY"This prize is important only if Zlatan wins it. This would prove it to be a fair and independent award. If he does not win it that would only reinforce the impression that it is a politically corrupt prize" – Zlatan Ibrahimovic's Mr 15%, Mino Raiola, lets it be known that this season's Ballon d'Or holds deep significance for the future of global politics.
GET A FREE £25 BET WITH BLUE SQUAREFIVER LETTERS"Re: the ever-increasing number of accusations of racism (Fiver passim). Without wanting to cast apsersions on the veracity of the allegations, I'm reminded of the South Park episode, The Wacky Molestation Adventure, where the children realised they could make their parents go away by use of the magic word 'molestered' to the proper authorities. In the show, this led to a tribal dystopia where children sacrificed each other to a statue of John Elway; perhaps we will soon see a world without referees, and players ritually slaughtered before Fulham's Michael Jackson statue? At least it would probably Stop Football" – Keith Hennigan.
"Four days ago or so, I read in the Fiver that Henning Berg was quoting some statement from the Norwegian FA about something. 'Ah, Henning Berg!' yours truly said, 'haven't heard of him in years'. So I Wiki-ed him and saw that he was a pretty useless manager at two Norwegian clubs; fair enough, no more thought was wasted on him. Well, I wasn't the only person to be reminded of Berg obviously, as two days later he became the Blackeye Rovers manager. So, obviously Venky's read the Fiver, thus explaining their incompetence" – Ian Finney.
"When I read the squad lists of the Republic O'Ireland I get a small bit of pride seeing Darren O'Dea's name on the list (yesterday's bits and bobs). It is a nice momentary distraction from the crushing feelings of desperation and despair associated with supporting Toronto FC, a team that has been at the bottom of the league six years in a row. If only we had relegation to put us out of our misery, at least then we could batter lower division teams like FC Edmonton" – Bruce Cooper.
"If Stephen Miller each day completely ignores the guts of the Fiver and simply follows the links to the Knowledge, the betting site, and everyone's favourite, Guardian Soulmates (yesterday's letters), then how did he find out about Graham Haslam's sadly misguided claim that the Fiver has been an educational tool for the first time?" – Scott McGowan.
"Re: an update on DJ Jazz Salt and Bongo Starlet's wedding gig (yesterday's letters). The ceremony's not until 22 December but we've had two Saturday afternoons preparing, and with Belinda Carlisle and Mogwai on the set-list we think we've got all bases covered for a stonking good night" – Gary Brenner.
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.
JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATESWe keep trying to point out the utter futility of advertising an online dating service "for interesting people" in the Fiver to the naive folk who run Guardian Soulmates, but they still aren't having any of it. So here you go – sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly romantics who would never dream of going out with you.
BITS AND BOBSNewcastle Jets striker Michael Bridges has backed new team-mate Mr Em for an England return. Yep. "He's become a hero over here very fast," cheered Bridges of the striker with four flamin' A-League goals in four games. "I feel [Mr Em] could certainly still offer something for his country again."
New Blackeye Rovers manager Henning Berg has spent the morning trying to forget that bit about saying he'd never manage the club. "I was looking at it from the outside," he said, getting on his bike and pedalling furiously backwards. "Now I have spoken to the people inside the club, I know what they're thinking, I know what their ambitions are, I know what they're planning."
Arsène Wenger wants to reach a conclusion to Theo Walcott's contract talks. "There is urgency, how much I don't know, but there is urgency," he said, tapping his Urgency-Ometer, which had broken after he dropped it in a puddle. "We want to sort it out before Christmas, one way or the other."
And Mick McCarthy has taken over his 398th quite big club with a decent history. This week it's Ipswich Town. "It's a fantastic football club, with a proud tradition and history and a terrific fanbase," tootled McCarthy. "I'll get them up next season, finish 15th with a respectable cup run before going down bravely a season or two later," he didn't add.
STILL WANT MORE?Milk Cup is back baby, writes Paul Wilson.
An animated Diego Maradona and the dangers of celebrating too soon feature in this week's Classic YouTube, much as they do in most Classic YouTubes. Hell, it's no bad thing.
You have to go back 90 years to find an Arsenal side as freewheeling as this one, notes Scott Murray, unfortunately without the aid of a time machine.
Our Italian football correspondent Paolo Bandini actually lives in a small, college town in Missouri but that doesn't stop him from writing brilliant pieces such as this one, about how Paul Pogba (yep, that one) is taking Serie A by storm.
And Joe Cole flopped for Liverpool on Wednesday night but Samed Yesil still has time on his side, says a busy Paul Wilson.
SIGN UP TO THE FIVER'I HAD CANCER. I BET THEY WERE HOPING I WOULDN'T PULL THROUGH, SO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THE FACE-TO-FACE THING WHEN SACKING ME.' ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR BBC MANAGEMENTScott Murrayguardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
Football transfer rumours: Wilfried Zaha to Manchester United?
Today's tat doesn't have any bananas. Or yoghurt
When it came to appointing managers and letting them get on with the job, Southampton used to be one of the most sensible clubs in the country. Between 1955 and 1991, for example, they only had three bosses: Ted Bates, Lawrie McMenemy and Chris Nicholl. It would be wrong to suggest they always had it good during that era, but stability brought modest rewards: the club enjoyed life in the top flight for the most part, and once even won the FA Cup. But then they started sacking people every 10 minutes, the likes of Stuart Gray, Paul Sturrock and Mark Wotte all finishing a good 300 seconds short of their full Warholian entitlement. Before you knew it, the third tier beckoned. Sadly, lessons do not appear to have been heeded. Nigel Adkins has since hauled them back to the big time, but having suffered a slow start to Saints' first season in the Premier League for yonks, he's been pencilled in for the off by the south-coast ingrates. And they're going to get Alan Shearer to replace him. Dear lord. They may as well reappoint Sir Clive Woodward and be done with it.
Ipswich Town supporters can breathe easily, because having been linked with Shearer themselves, their club has simmered down and instead offered their vacant managerial job to Mick McCarthy, who suddenly looks like José Mourinho, Bob Paisley and Helenio Herrera all rolled into one.
Speaking of Mourinho, he's a target for Paris St Germain, as part of a £100m double deal which would also include Cristiano Ronaldo, the Portuguese pair seemingly coming as a job lot these days.
Manchester United have long been eyeing both Mourinho and Ronaldo, but will make do for now with Wilfried Zaha, if only to annoy Tottenham, Arsenal, Manchester City and Liverpool, who are all desirous of the young Crystal Palace winger.
Birmingham City keeper Jack Butland is young and highly rated, and has a surname disconcertingly similar to former Midlands-based netminding prospect Chris Kirkland. Things have got to pan out better for young Jack, surely. Let's hope he's not superstitious, because he'll be taking a similar career route to the erstwhile Coventry stopper by heading to Merseyside early doors, although Everton's his destination of choice, so his bones may not crumble into a fine powder yet.
Obolon Kiev keeper Ihor Berezovskyi is young and highly rated, and has a surname disconcertingly similar to former Russian oligarch Boris Berezovsky. Things have got to pan out better for young Ihor, surely. Let's hope he doesn't take Roman Abramovich to court, seeking £3bn in damages, like Po' Boris did! For that may scupper a potential move to Chelsea. Though if he does, Manchester City and Bayern Munich will be waiting in the wings.
River Plate are useless these days, according to Jonathan Wilson, and you should see what he says about Boca Juniors by the way! Anyway, that's not going to stop Newcastle United bidding the best part of £5m for their centre-half German Pezzella.
Alan Shearer, though.
Scott Murrayguardian.co.uk © 2012 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
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