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Understanding the Nominally Churched – Rainer on Leadership #532

Podcast Episode #532

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To reach the nominally churched and to get them more involved in church, you must first understand them. Today we discuss who the nominally churched are before we discuss how to reach them in the next episode.

Some highlights from today’s episode include:

The early college years is one of the most common times people drop out of church for a season.
Family connections can be a clear draw to return to church.
Divorce is the most common reason for adults to drop out of church or leave a church.
If someone goes from churched to nominally churched, they’ll likely be unchurched within 6-9 months. People usually don’t stay nominally churched.

The nine aspects to understand about the nominally churches that we discuss are:

Those who attend 15 or fewer times a year
Not unchurched
Not inactive or CEO
Often family connections
Often dealing with life stage issues
Sometimes responding to hurt from the church
Often not Christians
Typically an intermediate stage
How do reach them?

Resources mentioned in today’s podcast

Church Answers
Surprising Insights from the Unchurched
Most Teenagers Drop Out of Church as Young Adults
Essential Church
Who Are the Outcasts in (Some) Churches?

Rainer on Leadership is a member of the LifeWay Leadership Podcast Network

Episode Sponsors

Vanderbloemen has been serving churches for nine years, but did you know that Vanderbloemen also serves Christian schools, nonprofits, and Christian businesses? So if you’re listening, and you know a Christian school, nonprofit, or values-based business that is hiring, contact our friends at Vanderbloemen for your staffing needs.

For more information, visit Vanderbloemen.com.

Today’s episode is sponsored by Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Be sure to check out Midwestern’s Doctorate of Ministry Degree. The D.Min. is an advanced degree preparing students for leadership in local churches and denominational service. It is also fully attainable in hybrid format which means you don’t have to move to pursue the degree.

Find out more at mbts.edu/dmin.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free copy of Scrappy Church.

Who Are the Outcasts in (Some) Churches?

The word “outcasts” seems strong. Perhaps it is. But, after over 30 years of working with thousands of congregations in North America, I think the nomenclature is close to reality.

When I use the word “outcast,” I am referring to those who are neglected at best and ostracized at worst. And lest anyone think I am compromising biblical views on marriage, sexuality, or other issues, I am not. In a number of churches, however, some of these groups are truly marginalized and, perhaps, shunned by members in the church.

Each of these examples are true examples from church members who have shared with me their stories. I may not have perfect recall from our conversations, but the essence of the story is true. The names are pseudonymous.

Divorcees. Mary was in an abusive marriage. She was beaten physically on more than one occasion. “I stayed with the marriage for our son,” she told me. Ultimately, her husband left her after he had numerous affairs. “When people heard I got a divorce, they began to treat me like a leper. My husband still had family in the church, so you can guess how a lot of church members felt about me. I couldn’t take it, so my son and I left the church.”

Special needs persons. They could be adults or children. For certain, a number of churches embrace special needs individuals. But too many churches simply don’t know how to respond. “We visited seven different churches before we could find a place for our son,” William told me. “In one of the churches, we were told straightforwardly that they could not care for our son. The burden was too great for them.”

Widows. No widow told me she felt like an outcast. But widows (or, in a few cases, widowers) did see social patterns change. “For most of the members in the church, our names were like one. We were ‘Barb and Charles.’ When Charles died, I stopped getting a lot of invitations. I was the fifth wheel. It may not have been intentional, but it was painful.”

Homosexuals. This conversation with James is a good representation of others. “I am a celibate homosexual,” James told me. “But I have learned something about evangelical churches. If I happen to share with someone that I have same-sex attraction, I am quickly ostracized by most church members. I have learned to keep my mouth shut about my same-sex attraction now.”

Families of suicide victims. “We weren’t really ostracized,” Heather told us. “But after our teenage son, Donald, killed himself, people in the church struggled to make eye contact or engage us in meaningful conversations.” Heather paused and then continued her conversation. “For sure, there were a few church members who loved us and were there for us. But the majority of the church just didn’t know what to do with us.”

I am certain this list of outcasts is but a beginning. What or who would you add to the list?

The church is supposed to be a place of welcome and refuge. But, for far too many people, it is a place of judgment and alienation. May God break our hearts with the things and people who break His heart.

Pray for East Side Baptist

Location: Dalton, Georgia

Pastor: Roger Suggs

Weekly Worship: 11:00 AM, Eastern

Fast Facts: East Side was founded in 1927 on the east side of Dalton, Ga. In the late 1950’s the current building was built with the intention of reaching the community. Over the years the dynamics of the community changed and growth in the church declined to about 40 attending regularly for worship. East Side has begun a partnership with a neighboring school and is affiliated with a food ministry with once a month deliveries. Since they began serving the food bank last August, the church has began trying to reach into its community in more ways. Please pray for my Pastor Suggs that he would continually seek God and lead in the way He directs. Also pray for those making professions of faith through the food ministry.

Website: Facebook page

“Pray for . . .” is the Sunday blog series at ThomRainer.com. We encourage you to pray for these churches noted every Sunday. Please feel free to comment that you are praying as well.

If you would like to have your church featured in the “Pray for…” series, fill out this information form..

Notable Voices and the Week in Review: April 27, 2019

From Around the Web:

Surviving the Week after Easter — Sam Rainer

The joyous whirlwind has stopped, and the grind of ministry begins again. I’m sure the disciples felt something similar after Jesus’ ascension. They were all standing around watching Jesus go into heaven, and the two angels chided them to get back to work. Our work as church leaders does not culminate on Easter Sunday. As you dig back into it, consider a few ways to make this week more rewarding.

Three Worrisome Reasons Why Church Membership Is Falling — Facts & Trends

For 60 years, church membership remained relatively stable in America. Since 1998, however, the percentage who say they are a member of a church, synagogue or mosque has fallen 20 points. The most recent Gallup report identifies three statistical realities that have contributed to the nationwide membership decline.

The Worship Leader and Anxiety — Brent Dyer

I’ve been on a journey. It’s been an interesting trip, over many different paths, changes in direction, and some difficult years. I started leading worship when I was still a teenager, but I certainly wasn’t a worshipper. I was polished, professional, talented, and driven. I was good on stage, planned a well-flowing service, and knew all the right language. But I was empty inside.

How Should Ministry Wives Respond to Criticism? — Diane Nix

Anyone leading a ministry or in a position of leadership in the church will receive criticism. And this includes their wives. In this video, Diane Nix walks through some of the responses that ministry wives can have to criticism of both themselves and their husbands.

This Week at ThomRainer.com:





















When a Group Leaves the Church: Five Perspectives

I have walked with hundreds of pastors through these scenarios. It is painful. It is messy. And, though I wish I did not have to say these words, it is often inevitable…READ MORE

9 Encouragements for Pastors Who Want to Quit

Many storms pass quickly.
It’s probably not you.
The vast majority of the congregation supports you.
Remember your call.
Longer-term pastors see better days.
Hurting church members often hurt others.
It’s not better in other churches.
The changing culture frustrates many church members.
God is with you.
















Does Co-Pastoring Really Work?

by Thom Rainer and Jonathan Howe | Rainer on Leadership

http://media.blubrry.com/thomrainer/s3.amazonaws.com/rainerpodcast/Rainer-on-Leadership/Episode530.mp3








Six Common Reasons Pastors Lose Their Temper

by Thom Rainer and Jonathan Howe | Rainer on Leadership

http://media.blubrry.com/thomrainer/s3.amazonaws.com/rainerpodcast/Rainer-on-Leadership/Episode531.mp3








Understanding the Four Major Waves of Exiting Members in a Revitalization or Replant

by Thom Rainer and Jonathan Howe | Revitalize & Replant

http://media.blubrry.com/revitalizereplant/s3.amazonaws.com/rainerpodcast/Revitalize-and-Replant/RR-Episode090.mp3

Six Common Reasons Pastors Lose Their Temper – Rainer on Leadership #531

Podcast Episode #531

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With the criticisms pastors get, it can be easy to have a quick temper. Today, we discuss reasons for losing your temper so that pastors may recognize them and better deal with them.

Some highlights from today’s episode include:

Losing your temper as a pastor never results in something good.
You should defend your family if they’re attacked, but you have to do it while controlling your temper.
Pastors should be aware of what causes them to lose their temper in order to better control it.
The #1 rule for guest speakers is to stay within your allotted timeframe.

The six reasons that we discuss are:

Their family members are attacked.
They are tired.
Their character is questioned.
They receive one more criticism.
They get blamed over things they cannot control.
They have not taken a break.

Resources mentioned in today’s podcast

Church Answers
Revitalize Network Convention – April 20-21, 2020

Rainer on Leadership is a member of the LifeWay Leadership Podcast Network

Episode Sponsors

Today’s episode is sponsored by Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Midwestern offers more than 25 degrees at both undergraduate and masters level that are fully attainable online. From Business to Bible, Counseling to Christian education, prepare for your future at your own pace and in your own location.

Find out more at mbts.edu/online.

Vanderbloemen Search Group is the premier pastor search firm dedicated to helping churches and ministries build great teams. They’ve helped thousands of churches just like yours find their church staff and are uniquely geared to help you discern who God is calling to lead your church.

For more information, visit WeStaffTheChurch.com.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free copy of Becoming a Welcoming Church.

Understanding the Four Major Waves of Exiting Members in a Revitalization or Replant – Revitalize & Replant #090

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People will leave the church you pastor. It’s not a matter of if, but of when. So you need to be prepared for it when it happens. Today, we discuss four distinct times this happens.

Episode Highlights:

When members leave the church it can be very personal, and that’s what makes it so painful.
Any changes a pastor makes can be trigger people leaving the church. Just expect it.
Make changes based on the people you want to reach, not just to appease those already in the church.
Pastoral candidates need to share realistic ideas when interviewing with a church. Unrealistic ideas create unattainable expectations down the road.

The four waves we discuss are:

Arrival of the new pastor
Early changes in year one
Unmet expectations in year two
The weariness factor in years three to four

Resources mentioned in this episode include:

ChurchAnswers.com
ChurchReplanters.com
Replanter Assessment
Find more resources at the Revitalize & Replant page at ThomRainer.com


Revitalize & Replant is sponsored by the North American Mission Board and ChurchReplanters.com. More than 10% of churches in North America are at risk of closing and the North American Mission Board is committed to reversing this trend by decreasing the death rate of existing churches while simultaneously increasing the birth rate of new churches. To learn more about what it means to become a replanting pastor or to explore resources for replanting and revitalization in your own church, visit ChurchReplanters.com.
Submit Your Question:

Do you have a question about church revitalization or replanting for us to use on the podcast? Visit the podcast page to submit your question. If we use it on the show, you’ll get a copy of Autopsy of a Deceased Church and Reclaiming Glory.

9 Encouragements for Pastors Who Want to Quit

9 Encouragements for Pastors Who Want to Quit

Many storms pass quickly.
It’s probably not you.
The vast majority of the congregation supports you.
Remember your call.
Longer-term pastors see better days.
Hurting church members often hurt others.
It’s not better in other churches.
The changing culture frustrates many church members.
God is with you.

Some highlights from today’s Rainer Report:

It is rare that a “storm” hangs over a church indefinitely. What may seem like a storm today may be just a blip in a few weeks.
If you are called to vocational ministry, you need to realize it will be messy at times.
It is normal for pastors to want to quit at times, but remember He who called you will sustain you.
It takes time for fruit to grow in ministry. To see fruit, you have to stick around.

Does Co-Pastoring Really Work? – Rainer on Leadership #530

Podcast Episode #530

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Co-pastoring is rare but is also seen in some churches in different forms. Today we discuss the pros and cons of co-pastoring and some paths forward for the practice.

Some highlights from today’s episode include:

Even with a plurality of elders, there typically ends up being a singular leader and not co-pastors.
Shared leadership often means shared responsibility.
Competing egos can often become a problem in co-pastor situations.
Usually, co-pastors have similar gifts rather than complementary ones and that leads to tension.

The eight aspects of co-pastoring we discuss are:

We must first understand true co-pastoring.
Co-pastoring is rare.
Co-pastoring is rarely effective.
Shared responsibility is a positive.
Shared work responsibility is a positive.
The pastors must both keep their egos in check.
Complementary giftedness is rare.
Usually one of the pastors emerges as the leader.

Resources mentioned in today’s podcast

Next by William Vanderbloemen
Church Answers Platinum
Revitalize Network Conference – April 20-21, 2020 – Bradenton, FL

Rainer on Leadership is a member of the LifeWay Leadership Podcast Network

Episode Sponsors

Vanderbloemen Search Group is the premier pastor search firm dedicated to helping churches and ministries build great teams. They’ve helped thousands of churches just like yours find their church staff and are uniquely geared to help you discern who God is calling to lead your church.

For more information, visit WeStaffTheChurch.com.

Today’s episode is sponsored by Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Be sure to check out Midwestern’s Doctorate of Ministry Degree. The D.Min. is an advanced degree preparing students for leadership in local churches and denominational service. It is also fully attainable in hybrid format which means you don’t have to move to pursue the degree.

Find out more at mbts.edu/dmin.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free copy of Scrappy Church.

When a Group Leaves the Church: Five Perspectives

It is one of the most common and painful issues pastors face.

A number of people leave the church around the same time. The exit is painful for the exiting members, the members who remain and, of course, the pastor. I have walked with hundreds of pastors through these scenarios. It is painful. It is messy. And, though I wish I did not have to say these words, it is often inevitable.

Allow me to share five perspectives on what is often taking place when a group leaves the church. For certain, there will be a myriad of exceptions. But these five issues are common in many of these situations.

The exit usually takes place when the pastor’s leadership becomes clear and established. It is, therefore, common for these exits to take place somewhere between the second and fourth year of a pastor’s tenure. The exiting members may have had unmet expectations of the pastor. The vision the pastor cast and the direction the pastor was leading them were not aligned with their own hopes and dreams.

Hurt exiting church members do not often leave well. Please hear me clearly. I am not pointing fingers and placing blame. But, in many of these exits, the departures are handled from a posture of hurt. Letters are written. Unhealthy conversations ensue on social media. Matthew 18 is not followed. The departures are messy and engender more conflict.

Those often neglected are the members who remain. The pastor is hurt. The exiting members are hurt. But, on too many occasions, we forget the pain experienced by those still in the church. They had friends leave. They saw relatives get angry. They know the church budget was hit hard. Relationship patterns are sorely disrupted. One of the most difficult but necessary things a hurting pastor must do is to minister to the remaining members with compassion and hope.

The recovery period usually takes months. I don’t have a neat guideline for church leaders to follow. I can say that most churches begin to feel some degree of normalcy somewhere around nine to twelve months. That period can be tough on the pastor and the church members, but it is a part of the healing process.

The other side is a place of hope. As painful as these exits are, there is usually a better church on the other side. A church with unaligned members creates an unhealthy situation. It holds the church back. The culture is conflicting and sometimes toxic. Exiting members can offer a time for healthy re-alignment. The departing members find a place where they are better aligned. The church from which they departed has an opportunity to get everyone on the same page.

While I don’t wish this situation on any church, any pastors, or any church members, I do think two points are worth remembering. First, these departures are common, more common than most people realize. Second, if the pastor and the remaining members handle the situation with prayer and grace, the church is usually much healthier on the other side of the departures.

Pray for Morrison Chapel Baptist Church

Location: Cleveland, Mississippi

Pastor: Vacant

Weekly Worship: 11:00 AM, Central

Fast Facts: Morrison Chapel Baptist Church is located in the heart of the Mississippi Delta and is currently without a pastor. The church currently averages around 150 in worship with about half of that attending small groups. Please pray for their pastor search committee as they seek whom God would have them to lead the church. Also, pray for unity within the church body during this transitional time.

“Pray for . . .” is the Sunday blog series at ThomRainer.com. We encourage you to pray for these churches noted every Sunday. Please feel free to comment that you are praying as well.

If you would like to have your church featured in the “Pray for…” series, fill out this information form..