Rachel Kramer Bussel's Blog, page 32
January 9, 2016
See you soon for erotica and sex writing workshops in LA and a free Best Women's Erotica of the Year reading in San Francisco
I'm excited that I've got three live events this month; two on January 17th in Los Angeles and one January 19th in San Francisco. Details below. I know many of you don't live in those areas, so if that's the case, I'd love it if you'd pass on this post or the event info to a friend who is. I don't know how much traveling I'll be doing the rest of the year as I intend to focus on teaching online erotica writing classes (like my next LitReactor one). I'm especially thrilled that one week after the book's official publication date, I get to read with four of my contributors to
Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1
. I love getting to read authors' work, but love even more getting to hear them do justice to their words out loud.
Thank you very much to SHE, Pleasure Chest and Good Vibrations for hosting me! These are all excellent events/stores I'm proud to work with.
Sunday, January 17, noon to 12:50 pm
Nonfiction Sex Writing 101 workshop (aka, make money writing about your sex life)
I'm teaching this workshop as part of the wonderful SHE (Sexual Health Expo), which runs the weekend of January 16-17 and features workshops by Tristan Taormino, Dirty Lola, Mollena Williams and many others on everything from online dating to anal sex, role-playing and much more. See the full schedule here. Your admission gets you in to the whole weekend; get 2-for-1 admission using code RACHBR at Eventbrite.
Longtime freelance writer Rachel Kramer Bussel will cover all you need to know about writing about sex, including blogging, first-person essays and journalism. You’ll learn how to ethically write about your love life, what editors are looking for, where to find experts on sexuality topics, and how to stay abreast of current sex news. Whether you’re looking to write a sex blog, column, articles or books, you’ll find out what makes an intriguing essay or article, how to pitch, how much money you can expect to make, and how to maximize your editorial opportunities. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, using social media to promote your work and do outreach, and how to pitch stories. Please bring paper and writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. Rachel is a sex columnist for DAME and a former sex columnist for The Village Voice, Penthouse, Philadelphia City Paper and The Frisky, and has written about dating and sexuality for Buzzfeed, Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Glamour, Inked, Marie Claire, O, The Oprah Magazine, Refinery29, Salon, Slate, Time.com, xoJane, The Washington Post and many other publications. A resource list covering markets for sex-related pieces will be provided.
Sunday, January 17, 7 - 9 pm
Free Erotica Writing 101 workshop
Yes, free! This is a wonderful opportunity for anyone of any level to spend two hours writing and learning. My class is always welcoming and judgment-free, and everyone will get a handout at the end listing publishers and resources.
Professional erotica author and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of over 60 anthologies such as Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1, Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, and The Big Book of Orgasms, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing, from getting started, finding your voice, and incorporating your surroundings, pop culture, and personal experiences into your stories to crafting a range of characters and settings and submitting your work. In this supportive, welcoming workshop environment, you’ll learn how to write vividly about everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies, and make them fit for particular publications in the thriving erotica market. This workshop will address the recent boom in erotica inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey, provide examples of well written erotica, and will include multiple writing exercises. You’ll be given a handout listing major markets and further reading suggestions. No previous writing experience required. Please bring laptop or pen and paper.
Pleasure Chest, 7733 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90046, 323-650-1022
Tuesday, January 19, 6:30-8:30 pm
Free Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 reading
Celebrate one of the hottest books of 2016, Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1! Join editor Rachel Kramer Bussel and contributors Amy Butcher, Rose Caraway, Dorothy Freed, and Jade A. Waters for a sexy reading from these hot, varied pansexual stories by and about a range of daring, feisty, take-charge women, followed by a book signing. Free. Oh, and the store has an Antique Vibrator Museum!
Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street (at Sacramento), San Francisco, 415-345-0400
Thank you very much to SHE, Pleasure Chest and Good Vibrations for hosting me! These are all excellent events/stores I'm proud to work with.
Sunday, January 17, noon to 12:50 pm
Nonfiction Sex Writing 101 workshop (aka, make money writing about your sex life)
I'm teaching this workshop as part of the wonderful SHE (Sexual Health Expo), which runs the weekend of January 16-17 and features workshops by Tristan Taormino, Dirty Lola, Mollena Williams and many others on everything from online dating to anal sex, role-playing and much more. See the full schedule here. Your admission gets you in to the whole weekend; get 2-for-1 admission using code RACHBR at Eventbrite.
Longtime freelance writer Rachel Kramer Bussel will cover all you need to know about writing about sex, including blogging, first-person essays and journalism. You’ll learn how to ethically write about your love life, what editors are looking for, where to find experts on sexuality topics, and how to stay abreast of current sex news. Whether you’re looking to write a sex blog, column, articles or books, you’ll find out what makes an intriguing essay or article, how to pitch, how much money you can expect to make, and how to maximize your editorial opportunities. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, using social media to promote your work and do outreach, and how to pitch stories. Please bring paper and writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. Rachel is a sex columnist for DAME and a former sex columnist for The Village Voice, Penthouse, Philadelphia City Paper and The Frisky, and has written about dating and sexuality for Buzzfeed, Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Glamour, Inked, Marie Claire, O, The Oprah Magazine, Refinery29, Salon, Slate, Time.com, xoJane, The Washington Post and many other publications. A resource list covering markets for sex-related pieces will be provided.
Sunday, January 17, 7 - 9 pm
Free Erotica Writing 101 workshop
Yes, free! This is a wonderful opportunity for anyone of any level to spend two hours writing and learning. My class is always welcoming and judgment-free, and everyone will get a handout at the end listing publishers and resources.
Professional erotica author and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of over 60 anthologies such as Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1, Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, and The Big Book of Orgasms, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing, from getting started, finding your voice, and incorporating your surroundings, pop culture, and personal experiences into your stories to crafting a range of characters and settings and submitting your work. In this supportive, welcoming workshop environment, you’ll learn how to write vividly about everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies, and make them fit for particular publications in the thriving erotica market. This workshop will address the recent boom in erotica inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey, provide examples of well written erotica, and will include multiple writing exercises. You’ll be given a handout listing major markets and further reading suggestions. No previous writing experience required. Please bring laptop or pen and paper.
Pleasure Chest, 7733 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90046, 323-650-1022
Tuesday, January 19, 6:30-8:30 pm
Free Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 reading
Celebrate one of the hottest books of 2016, Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1! Join editor Rachel Kramer Bussel and contributors Amy Butcher, Rose Caraway, Dorothy Freed, and Jade A. Waters for a sexy reading from these hot, varied pansexual stories by and about a range of daring, feisty, take-charge women, followed by a book signing. Free. Oh, and the store has an Antique Vibrator Museum!
Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street (at Sacramento), San Francisco, 415-345-0400
January 7, 2016
On overcoming writer's block, one word at a time
True confession time: sometimes I get stuck with my writing. Most commonly, I get overwhelmed. I do not have a grand solution to writer's block; if I did, I would have posted on this blog every day this year, as I had intended to before January 1st, but clearly didn't happen. I did have two articles come out this week (although the first was finalized last week): one on dads and sex ed at Mic and one on new Kink.com model rules for The Daily Dot.
But the list of what else I wanted to write, meant to write, could have written, started to write, thought about writing, etc., is far longer. Now, I'm not saying everyone should write a certain amount per day or week; that's not how I measure my writing. But I would guess that I'm not the only one whose output falls short of my goals not because of emergencies or actually "not having time," but because of something psychological. This is in no way a new issue for me; writer's block and I go so far back it almost feels "wrong" when words are bouncing off my fingers, whipping through my mind whether I'm walking or watching TV or peeing.
For me, it's usually about one of two things (or both of them, cause I'm an overachiever like that): fear and getting ahead of myself. My fear runs deep. This week, I have a few emails I need to send for work; some are asking people to check out my new book, some are requesting interviews for upcoming articles, some are pitching new pieces. Almost all of them, even the easiest of the easy ones, the ones to people I know and like, the ones where there's little risk of a bad outcome, have made me paralyzed with inaction this week. I've drafted those emails several times; I've written them on to do lists that literally litter my desk, but only sent one or two of them.
I've faced a great amount of impostor syndrome and fear of being thought of as a fraud, because while I've faced this writer's block, I've also been promoting my next LitReactor writing class, which in itself took me a having a leap of faith that I could do it the first time. Those voices that tell me you can't are loud, sometimes so much so that I have trouble hearing anything else.
As I'm writing this right now, Thursday morning at 8:34 a.m., what I can tell you is that there is a sense of calm running through my veins, an antidote to all the fear I've clung to this week, all the reasons why I needed to do any other thing than write the next essay/article/email/word. Clearly, the rush I'm getting from working out my thoughts by writing them down is like oxygen for me, the equivalent of a deep breath of fresh air after being cooped up in a stuffy, uncomfortable room. It feels like getting myself back.
There will always be other things to occupy my time than writing, but I don't think there will ever be anything else that feeds me in the way writing does, that soothes me, that, as maddening as the process may be, gives me the thrill that writing does. Yet it's more than a "thrill," it's not just a rush or a high; it's more fundamental. Writing is an extension of me, so when I don't do it, when I willfully ignore it, or let the fear win, I feel lesser. When I lie in bed at night, as I did last night, aimlessly reading part of an article, random social media, a few pages of a book I had pre-ordered and was very eager to read but at midnight couldn't concentrate on, I felt hollow, sad, frustrated with myself because I hadn't written what I wanted to. I hadn't even let myself try to write.
In other words, the honest truth is that the only way to get over writer's block of any kind is to write something. Literally, anything. One word, one sentence, one step in the right direction that will help you out of the quicksand of inertia. If even that one word feels impossible, you could start typing up a beloved passage or page from a book, which I've used to get my fingers moving in familiar rhythms, but what I would recommend instead is to type a single sentence or paragraph by someone else, then use that to riff off of. I'll even give you a prompt: the epigraph to one of my favorite novels, A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers .
Anything can be a prompt: a word, an image, a song, a quote, a show, a sport, an object, a person, anything, really. Even if it has nothing to do with the thing you "must" write today. What I've found with my work is that the more pressure I put on myself to write, the more deeply afraid I become. I sometimes have to completely let any expectations go and simply write, which, for a control freak, is not easy. I like to know in advance which word should go where, leading me from one to the next to The End, but that is just not always possible. Sometimes the big picture gets so big it obscures everything in its path. No matter how good of a writer I become, I will never be able to write five essays or ten emails or three articles at once. I will only ever be able to write one word at a time. When I try to do more than that by, say, writing one thing but having my mind leapfrogging ahead to the next thing (and usually, it's many next things), I always come up with something subpar.
Here's the thing: anything we want to say requires a little bit of narcissism, and by "narcissism," I mean a belief in the value of what you're saying. My fear ultimately boils down to the notion that someone will reject my words, whether by clicking away, unsubscribing, ignoring my email, writing hate mail, officially rejecting a pitch or simply writing me off in their mind. When I let that fear rule me, I can't get past it; it's too loud, too strong, too compelling. I have to fight it off with every fiber of my being.
When I told my boyfriend how stuck I've been this week, he gave me all kinds of accolades, citing my accomplishments and bylines. I heard him, but in a faraway part of my mind, like we were playing telephone rather than standing next to each other in our kitchen. The thing is, when I'm in the depths of my blocks, my fear, none of my other writing matters. It's almost as if it doesn't exist, or rather, it exists, but seems like a relic from past me. Present me? She convinces herself she has no idea what she's doing.
Speaking of narcissism (which I have to keep spell checking!), here's the kind of healthy narcissism I'm talking about, from an artist you may have heard of:
That Dalí quote/image is from the book The Crossroads of Should and Must: Find and Follow Your Passion by Elle Luna (you can read the basics of her perspective at Medium but I also recommend the book). In it, she writes:
As I'm typing this, I'm listening to the podcast Confessions of a Pink-Haired Marketer by Sonia Simone, and her guest, artist John T. Unger, just said, "Part of why I got into making art is that when I was less successful financially, I just loved art; I wanted to own art. I couldn't afford the kind of stuff I wanted, so I made my own versions of that. And the more that I made, the more it piled up and the more I got good at it...I was working in design until the big dot com crash, and at that point, I was like, you know, instead of learning to do something else sensible, I'm just going to do the art thing, because that's what I want to do, and I'll figure out a way to make it work." (FYI: transcribing people's thoughts on podcasts means you discover that seeing their words typed out is in no way equivalent to hearing them say it, so I recommend listening for the full impact.)
So no, I don't have a secret sauce for overcoming writer's block. I grapple with it far more than I would like. I wrote this for myself as much as anyone else. But I can tell you that especially when I've been stuck, when I haven't written and that inaction is weighing on me, it's downright euphoric when I do get the words out. Most of the time, they are not the words I would have expected to come out. They are not always ones that I'm madly in love with, but they are words, and they feel good, and they remind me that I am not the sum of my fears, but someone who has the willpower and strength and deep belief in my own worth to battle back against those fears.
Want weekly musings about writing? Sign up for my monthly newsletter and then drop me a line at rachelkb at gmail.com and put "Writing tips" in the subject line and I'll add you to my weekly writing newsletter, which is a subset of the main one. (Sorry that's so clunky; I will be streamlining the writing newsletter subscription process, but in the spirit of this post and the interest of not stalling any longer, which clearly I excel at, I wanted to share this now.) I'll be sharing weekly writing links, tips and musings, both about sex and erotica and broader topics related to various aspects of fiction and nonfiction.
But the list of what else I wanted to write, meant to write, could have written, started to write, thought about writing, etc., is far longer. Now, I'm not saying everyone should write a certain amount per day or week; that's not how I measure my writing. But I would guess that I'm not the only one whose output falls short of my goals not because of emergencies or actually "not having time," but because of something psychological. This is in no way a new issue for me; writer's block and I go so far back it almost feels "wrong" when words are bouncing off my fingers, whipping through my mind whether I'm walking or watching TV or peeing.
For me, it's usually about one of two things (or both of them, cause I'm an overachiever like that): fear and getting ahead of myself. My fear runs deep. This week, I have a few emails I need to send for work; some are asking people to check out my new book, some are requesting interviews for upcoming articles, some are pitching new pieces. Almost all of them, even the easiest of the easy ones, the ones to people I know and like, the ones where there's little risk of a bad outcome, have made me paralyzed with inaction this week. I've drafted those emails several times; I've written them on to do lists that literally litter my desk, but only sent one or two of them.
I've faced a great amount of impostor syndrome and fear of being thought of as a fraud, because while I've faced this writer's block, I've also been promoting my next LitReactor writing class, which in itself took me a having a leap of faith that I could do it the first time. Those voices that tell me you can't are loud, sometimes so much so that I have trouble hearing anything else.
As I'm writing this right now, Thursday morning at 8:34 a.m., what I can tell you is that there is a sense of calm running through my veins, an antidote to all the fear I've clung to this week, all the reasons why I needed to do any other thing than write the next essay/article/email/word. Clearly, the rush I'm getting from working out my thoughts by writing them down is like oxygen for me, the equivalent of a deep breath of fresh air after being cooped up in a stuffy, uncomfortable room. It feels like getting myself back.
There will always be other things to occupy my time than writing, but I don't think there will ever be anything else that feeds me in the way writing does, that soothes me, that, as maddening as the process may be, gives me the thrill that writing does. Yet it's more than a "thrill," it's not just a rush or a high; it's more fundamental. Writing is an extension of me, so when I don't do it, when I willfully ignore it, or let the fear win, I feel lesser. When I lie in bed at night, as I did last night, aimlessly reading part of an article, random social media, a few pages of a book I had pre-ordered and was very eager to read but at midnight couldn't concentrate on, I felt hollow, sad, frustrated with myself because I hadn't written what I wanted to. I hadn't even let myself try to write.
In other words, the honest truth is that the only way to get over writer's block of any kind is to write something. Literally, anything. One word, one sentence, one step in the right direction that will help you out of the quicksand of inertia. If even that one word feels impossible, you could start typing up a beloved passage or page from a book, which I've used to get my fingers moving in familiar rhythms, but what I would recommend instead is to type a single sentence or paragraph by someone else, then use that to riff off of. I'll even give you a prompt: the epigraph to one of my favorite novels, A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers .
Anything can be a prompt: a word, an image, a song, a quote, a show, a sport, an object, a person, anything, really. Even if it has nothing to do with the thing you "must" write today. What I've found with my work is that the more pressure I put on myself to write, the more deeply afraid I become. I sometimes have to completely let any expectations go and simply write, which, for a control freak, is not easy. I like to know in advance which word should go where, leading me from one to the next to The End, but that is just not always possible. Sometimes the big picture gets so big it obscures everything in its path. No matter how good of a writer I become, I will never be able to write five essays or ten emails or three articles at once. I will only ever be able to write one word at a time. When I try to do more than that by, say, writing one thing but having my mind leapfrogging ahead to the next thing (and usually, it's many next things), I always come up with something subpar.
Here's the thing: anything we want to say requires a little bit of narcissism, and by "narcissism," I mean a belief in the value of what you're saying. My fear ultimately boils down to the notion that someone will reject my words, whether by clicking away, unsubscribing, ignoring my email, writing hate mail, officially rejecting a pitch or simply writing me off in their mind. When I let that fear rule me, I can't get past it; it's too loud, too strong, too compelling. I have to fight it off with every fiber of my being.
When I told my boyfriend how stuck I've been this week, he gave me all kinds of accolades, citing my accomplishments and bylines. I heard him, but in a faraway part of my mind, like we were playing telephone rather than standing next to each other in our kitchen. The thing is, when I'm in the depths of my blocks, my fear, none of my other writing matters. It's almost as if it doesn't exist, or rather, it exists, but seems like a relic from past me. Present me? She convinces herself she has no idea what she's doing.
Speaking of narcissism (which I have to keep spell checking!), here's the kind of healthy narcissism I'm talking about, from an artist you may have heard of:
That Dalí quote/image is from the book The Crossroads of Should and Must: Find and Follow Your Passion by Elle Luna (you can read the basics of her perspective at Medium but I also recommend the book). In it, she writes:
Must is not a faraway land that you hope to arrive at sometime in the future, it's not for tomorrow or another day. Must is for today, now. And as you take daily action, the cliff will cease to be a cliff. It will simply become an obvious next step along your path to Must.Now, writing is not a "Must" for everyone, but for me, it certainly is. It's both what pays my bills and what feeds my soul. It's how I make sense of my life, and when I don't do it, when the ideas pile up but I watch them drift by over and over again, the fear not only wins, it snowballs. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because the fear has fuel. The fear can say: See? You should have written that essay and this email and you didn't, so don't even bother trying today/tomorrow/ever. It's too late. But it's never too late in the grand scheme of things. It may be too late in a specific case, but words are always valuable. They are always there for you. They are always accessible as long as you have a writing implement and a piece of paper.
As I'm typing this, I'm listening to the podcast Confessions of a Pink-Haired Marketer by Sonia Simone, and her guest, artist John T. Unger, just said, "Part of why I got into making art is that when I was less successful financially, I just loved art; I wanted to own art. I couldn't afford the kind of stuff I wanted, so I made my own versions of that. And the more that I made, the more it piled up and the more I got good at it...I was working in design until the big dot com crash, and at that point, I was like, you know, instead of learning to do something else sensible, I'm just going to do the art thing, because that's what I want to do, and I'll figure out a way to make it work." (FYI: transcribing people's thoughts on podcasts means you discover that seeing their words typed out is in no way equivalent to hearing them say it, so I recommend listening for the full impact.)
So no, I don't have a secret sauce for overcoming writer's block. I grapple with it far more than I would like. I wrote this for myself as much as anyone else. But I can tell you that especially when I've been stuck, when I haven't written and that inaction is weighing on me, it's downright euphoric when I do get the words out. Most of the time, they are not the words I would have expected to come out. They are not always ones that I'm madly in love with, but they are words, and they feel good, and they remind me that I am not the sum of my fears, but someone who has the willpower and strength and deep belief in my own worth to battle back against those fears.
Want weekly musings about writing? Sign up for my monthly newsletter and then drop me a line at rachelkb at gmail.com and put "Writing tips" in the subject line and I'll add you to my weekly writing newsletter, which is a subset of the main one. (Sorry that's so clunky; I will be streamlining the writing newsletter subscription process, but in the spirit of this post and the interest of not stalling any longer, which clearly I excel at, I wanted to share this now.) I'll be sharing weekly writing links, tips and musings, both about sex and erotica and broader topics related to various aspects of fiction and nonfiction.
January 4, 2016
On knowing when to accept your failures in order to focus on your strengths as a small creative business
Alternate title: I can write hundreds of articles but can't string two photos together
I'm starting the new year gearing up to launch the book I'm proudest of, the one I kind of wish I could end my erotica editing career with because I love it so much (spoiler alert: I'm not done with anthologies, and have a new women's erotica call for submissions up). I'm also starting this week as the first of 52 where I have a weekly sales goal in terms of my income; in this case, "sales" means my words. For the purposes of meeting my financial milestones, I need to sell not a particular number of articles per week, but a combination of articles to hit my goal. If I meet those goals, it will not only help me expand my events, classes and book promotions, pay for web hosting, give me peace of mind knowing that I can book travel well in advance and thus secure the best rates, pay for unexpected surprises like moves, afford fertility treatments if I need them, and generally be assured that my business is on its way up, not ready to crash down at a moment's notice.
I'm excited for these new endeavors and some new projects, which includes three websites I'm launching: one is a PG blog about a whole new topic, because I learned with Cupcakes Take the Cake that I adore having a blog that is outside my usual arena of sex and dating topics; the other two are about my writing classes, because I want to make teaching a broader part of my portfolio, in line with my desire to help other writers get published, which I've done informally but want to incorporate as a regular business practice.
All that means that I'm aiming to focus my business (officially known as RKB Enterprises, Inc.) on my strengths and talents. What's NOT one of them? Anything to do with art or images. I know this from years of experience and frustration. I suck at the visual. I just do. But knowing this hasn't made it any easier when I've spent the last hour trying to merge the following two images so that I can promote the hell out of my $25 Amazon gift card giveaway, which ends on January 11th:
I do have a takeaway here, I promise. I've had to accept and embrace the fact that I'm bad at imagery, that I just don't have a mind that will ever find things like PicMonkey, Picasa, Photoshop, Canva, etc., easy. I hate it, get frustrated by it, and in turn, that frustration leaves me feeling worthless and stupid. It leaves me thinking things like: What kind of stupid idiot are you to think you can run a successful business when you can't do something a child could do?
I've had days where that feeling has derailed any other plans I've had that day. I've had days where I've let one failure or frustration or thing I can't do have a domino effect which meant I didn't accomplish other things that I did have the capacity to complete. I can see it clearly in hindsight, but when that emotion hits me in the gut, it worms its way deep into my psyche. It attacks me where it knows it will do the most damage. It starts to convince me that no matter how many articles I've written or books I've edited or successful book promotions I've run or classes I've taught, none of it matters if I can't also do this one task.
It's a new year, and the truth is, I need to make myself over along with the calendar if I am going to thrive and if my business is going to survive. I have to, at times like today, simply make do with second best, and hope that the core of my message, which is that I want you to order/pre-order my hot and sexy new anthology Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 (I need a handy acronym for that title, don't I?) so much I've spent $125 and am ready to mail out those gift cards next Tuesday, gets through. I have to trust that it will reach the people who will forgive me for not being a Photoshop wizard, who will be excited for the chance to win this giveaway and will want to support my work, the writing of these amazing authors and a small publisher. I will have to have faith that the universe will see that I did my best, but ultimately chose not to waste wearying, stressful hours trying to finish a visual task that I'm not suited for.
Am I giving up? On photo merging, yes. On other technical tasks that will not actually further my business because they take way too much time because I never learned how to do them? Yes. On my writing, my book, myself or my capacity to play to my strengths? Not for one second.
There's a reason successful entrepreneurs say things like "Time is your No. 1 asset." We only have so much of it in each day, week, and lifetime. Just as I weigh whether every penny I spend on my business is worthwhile, so too do I have to weigh whether my time is worth devoting to a given task, or if it could be better utilized in a more productive, income-generating or career-building way. I've been in this same situation countless times and usually I am so deep in the hole of hating myself for what I can't do, I forget that what I can do is maximize the skills I have in the time I have to earn the most money possible. I forget that the book I'm so proud of has deeper roots than one little botched photo merge, and that my self-worth shouldn't rest on any lone task or to do list item.
So I wrote this to remind myself, and you, that while we are often taught we need to do "everything" to further our businesses, no one person can literally do everything, nor do they need to to be successful. This is the same principle when I hear authors or students wonder, "Do I have to be on social media?" If it's something you despise, aren't good at, and are only going through the motions, my answer is generally no. Is being active on Twitter, Facebook, etc. likely to help your writing career? Yes. So too would being able to make those images into one help me plaster it around the internet and Instagram. But at what price? Half my day and me wanting to throw my laptop in the garbage? That's just not a price I'm willing, or my business can afford, to pay.
Ultimately, it boils down to the Serenity Prayer for me (the first and most famous part; I'm more of a fan of self-reliance than I am of the latter part). When I say "G-d grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference," I don't say it as part of a 12-step program. I say it as a way to center myself, to not waste my time on fruitless, pointless endeavors, and to refocus my mind on the things I can, in fact, change. Yes, in this particular case, it's possible that someday I will learn how to play with images and bend them to my will, but today is not that day, and I highly doubt I will somehow become an online photo savant who can whip up gorgeous visuals at a moment's notice. To use a phrase that will probably annoy many readers, and often annoys me, but is so on point I can't resist: that's not on brand. My brand is about words: using my own, and encouraging others to use theirs. It has zero to do with fancy images, even if those might help me sell a few more books. I can live with the loss in sales if it means I have my priorities straight, my sanity intact, and my efforts trained toward reachable goals.
By focusing on selling my words today, by writing the essay and article I had planned for this morning and doing the researching and email outreach I need to for future ones, I can hopefully someday afford to hire someone who does know what they're doing to make graphics for me. I've been lucky enough to have a partner and friends help me with some of my images in the past, but I don't want to be a freeloader and want to compensate workers for their time, just as I would be for my work. It's very easy to veer off course, as I did this morning, and be so consumed with some seemingly urgent but ultimately arbitrary achievement you forget to see the forest because you're so busy with that one damn tree. In my head, solving that photo issue, which I did try to do with three separate apps or websites, would have meant some sort of book sales nirvana. In my head, that was my finish line, rather than a starting point, and only became more entrenched the more attempts I made. That's exactly how I lose my focus, and I imagine I'm not the only one who does.
So with that, I will get back to my real work, the kind I know how to do.
I'm starting the new year gearing up to launch the book I'm proudest of, the one I kind of wish I could end my erotica editing career with because I love it so much (spoiler alert: I'm not done with anthologies, and have a new women's erotica call for submissions up). I'm also starting this week as the first of 52 where I have a weekly sales goal in terms of my income; in this case, "sales" means my words. For the purposes of meeting my financial milestones, I need to sell not a particular number of articles per week, but a combination of articles to hit my goal. If I meet those goals, it will not only help me expand my events, classes and book promotions, pay for web hosting, give me peace of mind knowing that I can book travel well in advance and thus secure the best rates, pay for unexpected surprises like moves, afford fertility treatments if I need them, and generally be assured that my business is on its way up, not ready to crash down at a moment's notice.
I'm excited for these new endeavors and some new projects, which includes three websites I'm launching: one is a PG blog about a whole new topic, because I learned with Cupcakes Take the Cake that I adore having a blog that is outside my usual arena of sex and dating topics; the other two are about my writing classes, because I want to make teaching a broader part of my portfolio, in line with my desire to help other writers get published, which I've done informally but want to incorporate as a regular business practice.
All that means that I'm aiming to focus my business (officially known as RKB Enterprises, Inc.) on my strengths and talents. What's NOT one of them? Anything to do with art or images. I know this from years of experience and frustration. I suck at the visual. I just do. But knowing this hasn't made it any easier when I've spent the last hour trying to merge the following two images so that I can promote the hell out of my $25 Amazon gift card giveaway, which ends on January 11th:
I do have a takeaway here, I promise. I've had to accept and embrace the fact that I'm bad at imagery, that I just don't have a mind that will ever find things like PicMonkey, Picasa, Photoshop, Canva, etc., easy. I hate it, get frustrated by it, and in turn, that frustration leaves me feeling worthless and stupid. It leaves me thinking things like: What kind of stupid idiot are you to think you can run a successful business when you can't do something a child could do?
I've had days where that feeling has derailed any other plans I've had that day. I've had days where I've let one failure or frustration or thing I can't do have a domino effect which meant I didn't accomplish other things that I did have the capacity to complete. I can see it clearly in hindsight, but when that emotion hits me in the gut, it worms its way deep into my psyche. It attacks me where it knows it will do the most damage. It starts to convince me that no matter how many articles I've written or books I've edited or successful book promotions I've run or classes I've taught, none of it matters if I can't also do this one task.
It's a new year, and the truth is, I need to make myself over along with the calendar if I am going to thrive and if my business is going to survive. I have to, at times like today, simply make do with second best, and hope that the core of my message, which is that I want you to order/pre-order my hot and sexy new anthology Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 (I need a handy acronym for that title, don't I?) so much I've spent $125 and am ready to mail out those gift cards next Tuesday, gets through. I have to trust that it will reach the people who will forgive me for not being a Photoshop wizard, who will be excited for the chance to win this giveaway and will want to support my work, the writing of these amazing authors and a small publisher. I will have to have faith that the universe will see that I did my best, but ultimately chose not to waste wearying, stressful hours trying to finish a visual task that I'm not suited for.
Am I giving up? On photo merging, yes. On other technical tasks that will not actually further my business because they take way too much time because I never learned how to do them? Yes. On my writing, my book, myself or my capacity to play to my strengths? Not for one second.
There's a reason successful entrepreneurs say things like "Time is your No. 1 asset." We only have so much of it in each day, week, and lifetime. Just as I weigh whether every penny I spend on my business is worthwhile, so too do I have to weigh whether my time is worth devoting to a given task, or if it could be better utilized in a more productive, income-generating or career-building way. I've been in this same situation countless times and usually I am so deep in the hole of hating myself for what I can't do, I forget that what I can do is maximize the skills I have in the time I have to earn the most money possible. I forget that the book I'm so proud of has deeper roots than one little botched photo merge, and that my self-worth shouldn't rest on any lone task or to do list item.
So I wrote this to remind myself, and you, that while we are often taught we need to do "everything" to further our businesses, no one person can literally do everything, nor do they need to to be successful. This is the same principle when I hear authors or students wonder, "Do I have to be on social media?" If it's something you despise, aren't good at, and are only going through the motions, my answer is generally no. Is being active on Twitter, Facebook, etc. likely to help your writing career? Yes. So too would being able to make those images into one help me plaster it around the internet and Instagram. But at what price? Half my day and me wanting to throw my laptop in the garbage? That's just not a price I'm willing, or my business can afford, to pay.
Ultimately, it boils down to the Serenity Prayer for me (the first and most famous part; I'm more of a fan of self-reliance than I am of the latter part). When I say "G-d grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference," I don't say it as part of a 12-step program. I say it as a way to center myself, to not waste my time on fruitless, pointless endeavors, and to refocus my mind on the things I can, in fact, change. Yes, in this particular case, it's possible that someday I will learn how to play with images and bend them to my will, but today is not that day, and I highly doubt I will somehow become an online photo savant who can whip up gorgeous visuals at a moment's notice. To use a phrase that will probably annoy many readers, and often annoys me, but is so on point I can't resist: that's not on brand. My brand is about words: using my own, and encouraging others to use theirs. It has zero to do with fancy images, even if those might help me sell a few more books. I can live with the loss in sales if it means I have my priorities straight, my sanity intact, and my efforts trained toward reachable goals.
By focusing on selling my words today, by writing the essay and article I had planned for this morning and doing the researching and email outreach I need to for future ones, I can hopefully someday afford to hire someone who does know what they're doing to make graphics for me. I've been lucky enough to have a partner and friends help me with some of my images in the past, but I don't want to be a freeloader and want to compensate workers for their time, just as I would be for my work. It's very easy to veer off course, as I did this morning, and be so consumed with some seemingly urgent but ultimately arbitrary achievement you forget to see the forest because you're so busy with that one damn tree. In my head, solving that photo issue, which I did try to do with three separate apps or websites, would have meant some sort of book sales nirvana. In my head, that was my finish line, rather than a starting point, and only became more entrenched the more attempts I made. That's exactly how I lose my focus, and I imagine I'm not the only one who does.
So with that, I will get back to my real work, the kind I know how to do.
January 2, 2016
My call for submissions for Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 2 is up
While my primary focus in 2016, especially for the next few months, is on making
Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1
a success, which means reaching out to bookstores and sex toy stores, organizing events, using Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Instagram and basically living and breathing book marketing like I've never done before, I am also thinking ahead. I'm thrilled that Cleis Press had enough faith in me as an editor to sign me up for a second volume before this one's even hit stores, and my goal is to live up to that faith and maybe even exceed it.
I've posted the call for submissions for Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 2. Please feel free to post this call anywhere you like (it's public) and let me know if there are any websites, magazines, organizations, etc. that might be good places to send it, especially anywhere outside the United States I might not know about. I hate when people come to me and say "I just heard about your call" and there's three days left, so I am aiming to get the call to as many writers as I can.
It's long, but already I've had questions. One was whether "women" includes all people who claim that identity? Yes. Anyone who self-indentifies as a woman and whose story conforms to the guidelines is eligible. The second was whether lesbian stories would be accepted. My reply: "As long as the story is from the perspective of a woman, any type of sexuality/sexual orientation will be considered." I'm sure as I get more questions, if it seems elements of what I want aren't clear, I will clarify them in the call, which will live at the Best Women's Erotica of the Year website because I want it to have its own home, which will be expanding and evolving.
I still remember my early forays into submitting to this series, and how thrilled I was when my dishwashing fetish story "Doing the Dishes" made it in. I am humbled and honored that someone might feel that way based on my selecting their work for this series, and I don't take it lightly. Ultimately, my job is to please readers. If they don't like my books, then I find a new profession. I've heard a few early comments about Volume 1 and can't wait to hear what others think. I love all the stories in the book, but I know different ones will appeal to different readers. I may be too close to the work, still, having recently copyedited it and dreading when someone tells me that I didn't catch a typo. Speaking of typos, I just changed "ninetines" to "nineties" in my call for submissions and a bunch of other typos, because I retyped the entire thing rather than figure out how to get it unitalicized, because I'm stubborn and human and mistakes happen, but I will be even more diligent with Volume 2, either giving myself time to do a second round of copyediting or perhaps having another person look at it (yes, my publisher of course copyedits the book, but if you've ever had work published, you know that copyediting is a multifaceted process and that errors easily slip by even the most skilled and trained eyes; I see them in published books all the time).
Issuing a call for submissions is like a puzzle, except that at the start, you don't know wha the questions are, let alone the answers. With the first volume, I received over 200 submissions. I had planned to include 25 plus one of mine, but found I did not have the room given my word count, so the final book has 22 stores by 23 authors (one is co-authored). This year, my aim is to include as much variety as the first volume, perhaps similarly with stories in the first, second and third person, with historical and futuristic stories, but also include aspects of life and sexuality that aren't in abundance in the first volume. That's why I included "stories featuring women in their forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties or nineties." I had an abundance of women in their forties in the first volume, and want to broaden that age range. I made somewhat of a wish list in my call, but what I wish for most of all is the stories I never could have anticipated, the stories that awe me and will stay on readers' minds for a long time to come, the stories that readers will take into their beds and read out loud, or savor to themselves, the stories they will dogear (yes, that is my paperback bias, but I'd also be fine with them "dog-earing" an e-reader or listening on repeat to the audiobook version). My point is, I want these stories to stand the test of time, to be like the books I have owned for a decade or more and still return to when I want to relive a particularly hot, moving tale.
My dream is that I will get the chance to edit many more volumes. Right now, I have no idea if that will happen, and that's okay, because I am working on living in the moment and with reality, not in my own fantasy headspace. So all I can do is spread this call for submissions as far and wide as I can, hopefully reaching around the globe, reaching writers who've never thought of themselves as "erotica writers" but who see something in this call that inspires them, reaching writers in other genres, reaching writers whose work I've previously rejected but whose story fits this particular book. When I do go to put an anthology together, for me that's when the outline of the puzzle really takes shape. I fall for a wonderful paragraph or plotline or character or way of approaching sex (for the latter, see "Waiting to Pee" by Amy Butcher in BWE of the Year, Volume 1).
I've posted the call for submissions for Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 2. Please feel free to post this call anywhere you like (it's public) and let me know if there are any websites, magazines, organizations, etc. that might be good places to send it, especially anywhere outside the United States I might not know about. I hate when people come to me and say "I just heard about your call" and there's three days left, so I am aiming to get the call to as many writers as I can.
It's long, but already I've had questions. One was whether "women" includes all people who claim that identity? Yes. Anyone who self-indentifies as a woman and whose story conforms to the guidelines is eligible. The second was whether lesbian stories would be accepted. My reply: "As long as the story is from the perspective of a woman, any type of sexuality/sexual orientation will be considered." I'm sure as I get more questions, if it seems elements of what I want aren't clear, I will clarify them in the call, which will live at the Best Women's Erotica of the Year website because I want it to have its own home, which will be expanding and evolving.
I still remember my early forays into submitting to this series, and how thrilled I was when my dishwashing fetish story "Doing the Dishes" made it in. I am humbled and honored that someone might feel that way based on my selecting their work for this series, and I don't take it lightly. Ultimately, my job is to please readers. If they don't like my books, then I find a new profession. I've heard a few early comments about Volume 1 and can't wait to hear what others think. I love all the stories in the book, but I know different ones will appeal to different readers. I may be too close to the work, still, having recently copyedited it and dreading when someone tells me that I didn't catch a typo. Speaking of typos, I just changed "ninetines" to "nineties" in my call for submissions and a bunch of other typos, because I retyped the entire thing rather than figure out how to get it unitalicized, because I'm stubborn and human and mistakes happen, but I will be even more diligent with Volume 2, either giving myself time to do a second round of copyediting or perhaps having another person look at it (yes, my publisher of course copyedits the book, but if you've ever had work published, you know that copyediting is a multifaceted process and that errors easily slip by even the most skilled and trained eyes; I see them in published books all the time).
Issuing a call for submissions is like a puzzle, except that at the start, you don't know wha the questions are, let alone the answers. With the first volume, I received over 200 submissions. I had planned to include 25 plus one of mine, but found I did not have the room given my word count, so the final book has 22 stores by 23 authors (one is co-authored). This year, my aim is to include as much variety as the first volume, perhaps similarly with stories in the first, second and third person, with historical and futuristic stories, but also include aspects of life and sexuality that aren't in abundance in the first volume. That's why I included "stories featuring women in their forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties or nineties." I had an abundance of women in their forties in the first volume, and want to broaden that age range. I made somewhat of a wish list in my call, but what I wish for most of all is the stories I never could have anticipated, the stories that awe me and will stay on readers' minds for a long time to come, the stories that readers will take into their beds and read out loud, or savor to themselves, the stories they will dogear (yes, that is my paperback bias, but I'd also be fine with them "dog-earing" an e-reader or listening on repeat to the audiobook version). My point is, I want these stories to stand the test of time, to be like the books I have owned for a decade or more and still return to when I want to relive a particularly hot, moving tale.
My dream is that I will get the chance to edit many more volumes. Right now, I have no idea if that will happen, and that's okay, because I am working on living in the moment and with reality, not in my own fantasy headspace. So all I can do is spread this call for submissions as far and wide as I can, hopefully reaching around the globe, reaching writers who've never thought of themselves as "erotica writers" but who see something in this call that inspires them, reaching writers in other genres, reaching writers whose work I've previously rejected but whose story fits this particular book. When I do go to put an anthology together, for me that's when the outline of the puzzle really takes shape. I fall for a wonderful paragraph or plotline or character or way of approaching sex (for the latter, see "Waiting to Pee" by Amy Butcher in BWE of the Year, Volume 1).
How my 11 hour trip to San Francisco is part of my 2016 budget
One of the things I'm most excited about this year is starting a budget. I'm mortified that I'm 40 years old and have never really had a proper budget before. Especially since I was around 25, my "budgeting" has been a pretty haphazard process, if it's even been a thought at all. Trust me, I feel immense guilt and shame about that, but part of my embracing of the new year is allowing myself to move past the guilt/shame spiral and figure out what I can do differently.
In addition to setting a plan to earn a certain amount of income per week, which will probably mean increasing my writing output and, hopefully, focusing on including higher paying publications in my regular writing routine, what I'm doing is tracking where every penny I spend, and just as importantly, every penny my business, RKB Enterprises, Inc., spends. That means getting serious about some of the things I wish I could do, like travel frequently, and what I can actually afford. It means I will keep facing guilt and tough decisions occasion, because while, technically, I can "work from anywhere," it's undeniable that I lose out on the ability to earn money when I'm traveling. I can tell myself all I want that I will "write on the bus," meaning the two hour and 35 minute bus ride from Atlantic City to New York and back, usually, plus whatever other travel I do, but the reality is when I'm on a bus, or a plane, usually I'm tired and looking forward to digging into a juicy book.
So I am being a lot more careful about where and when I travel. Family is important to me, so I will be visiting my far-flung family members. I'm hoping to visit a friend I met when I was six for her birthday, but will largely be helping with her baby and working from her home. When I booked my trip to Los Angeles and San Francisco, I realized I had a choice: I could get an extra night's hotel room in San Francisco just for the sake of "hanging out" after my reading, or I could make the smarter business decision and fly home on a redeye after my reading. For one of the few times in my life, I made the more fiscally wise choice. I will leave my Good Vibrations reading and head right to SFO to catch my Virgin America flight home. Usually, I fly JetBlue, but their latest outgoing flight was too early for my schedule. So I will be in San Francisco from 12:45 pm until 11:20 pm, which is under 11 hours. Does it make sense? Not if I'd never been to San Francisco, but considering I lived in Berkeley for three years and have been to San Francisco countless times and this is a business trip, it certainly does.
I will briefly interrupt this post to plug my event, the whole reason I bought a flight to San Francisco in the first place. I'll be hosting the first reading from Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 on Tuesday, January 19th, from 6:30-8:30 pm at Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street, San Francisco. It's free and I hope you can make it! Joining me will be contributors Amy Butcher, Rose Caraway (who will narrate the audiobook, coming in spring 2016), Dorothy Freed and Jade A. Waters. My roots are in readings; I've always loved hearing authors read from their work, getting inside jokes and inflections, reliving a particular phrase. I'm especially eager to hear Amy Butcher read her hilarious, very hot and surprising story "Waiting to Pee," which pushes some boundaries but does so in a way that fascinates me. It's the kind of story I could read every month and get something new from.
Part of what's helped me make this decision has been my focus on what I want my money to accomplish this year. I've started a budget bucket list and realized that since my income fluctuates each week, I can never assume that I will have a certain amount to work with. This recent holiday I faced scrutiny around the dinner table about my plans for budgeting, and my biggest takeaway, aside from how frustrating it was and how shameful (that again!) it felt to say "I don't know yet how much I made this year" was that I want next December to feel different. I want to sit at that table and be able to report that I earned X and paid off Y and cut out spending on Z. I want to feel more confident about my worth and value and ability to handle money, and the only way that will happen is to say no to the impulse trips and hotels and purchases, at least, until I have accomplished some of my goals. I'm not going to overnight turn from hoarder to minimalist.
I've been listening to the You Need a Budget podcast and reading the YNAB blog and it's forced me to ask myself what I value, what I prioritize, what I'm doing with my life. Am I treating my income as something frivolous, or as the earnings of a real businesswoman? Am I using it to further my career, expand my books' reach, grow, or am I just using it for what feels good in the moment?
Now, as my boyfriend would be the first to tell you, I'm obsessive and impulsive. I get super into something, be it a food or a hobby or a podcast, and I can't shut up about it. Poor him, because most days he's the only person I talk to and he doesn't always want to hear about my obsessions. So, alas, you are bearing the brunt of my latest obsession. I say that jokingly, because while I am the last person you should look to as a financial role model, I can only hope that my late awakening to the value of what I earn can translate into someone else rethinking a purchase they "must" have. I plan to write more about how I invest my money back into my business, which I do primarily through buying books to send to Amazon reviewers and contest winners, traveling for events, book postcards, the occasional advertisement and domain names. I may try new marketing tools and tactics in 2016, especially since Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 has the potential to be my bestselling book, and the better it does, the better, I suspect, my chances of securing more anthology editing contracts. But first, I want to focus on the day to day decisions and what values and priorities they reflect. This is not a "resolution," because I traditionally fail hard at those, but a way of trying to embrace my forties and make up for lost time when it comes to cash, credit, savings and investing.
In addition to setting a plan to earn a certain amount of income per week, which will probably mean increasing my writing output and, hopefully, focusing on including higher paying publications in my regular writing routine, what I'm doing is tracking where every penny I spend, and just as importantly, every penny my business, RKB Enterprises, Inc., spends. That means getting serious about some of the things I wish I could do, like travel frequently, and what I can actually afford. It means I will keep facing guilt and tough decisions occasion, because while, technically, I can "work from anywhere," it's undeniable that I lose out on the ability to earn money when I'm traveling. I can tell myself all I want that I will "write on the bus," meaning the two hour and 35 minute bus ride from Atlantic City to New York and back, usually, plus whatever other travel I do, but the reality is when I'm on a bus, or a plane, usually I'm tired and looking forward to digging into a juicy book.
So I am being a lot more careful about where and when I travel. Family is important to me, so I will be visiting my far-flung family members. I'm hoping to visit a friend I met when I was six for her birthday, but will largely be helping with her baby and working from her home. When I booked my trip to Los Angeles and San Francisco, I realized I had a choice: I could get an extra night's hotel room in San Francisco just for the sake of "hanging out" after my reading, or I could make the smarter business decision and fly home on a redeye after my reading. For one of the few times in my life, I made the more fiscally wise choice. I will leave my Good Vibrations reading and head right to SFO to catch my Virgin America flight home. Usually, I fly JetBlue, but their latest outgoing flight was too early for my schedule. So I will be in San Francisco from 12:45 pm until 11:20 pm, which is under 11 hours. Does it make sense? Not if I'd never been to San Francisco, but considering I lived in Berkeley for three years and have been to San Francisco countless times and this is a business trip, it certainly does.
I will briefly interrupt this post to plug my event, the whole reason I bought a flight to San Francisco in the first place. I'll be hosting the first reading from Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 on Tuesday, January 19th, from 6:30-8:30 pm at Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street, San Francisco. It's free and I hope you can make it! Joining me will be contributors Amy Butcher, Rose Caraway (who will narrate the audiobook, coming in spring 2016), Dorothy Freed and Jade A. Waters. My roots are in readings; I've always loved hearing authors read from their work, getting inside jokes and inflections, reliving a particular phrase. I'm especially eager to hear Amy Butcher read her hilarious, very hot and surprising story "Waiting to Pee," which pushes some boundaries but does so in a way that fascinates me. It's the kind of story I could read every month and get something new from.
Part of what's helped me make this decision has been my focus on what I want my money to accomplish this year. I've started a budget bucket list and realized that since my income fluctuates each week, I can never assume that I will have a certain amount to work with. This recent holiday I faced scrutiny around the dinner table about my plans for budgeting, and my biggest takeaway, aside from how frustrating it was and how shameful (that again!) it felt to say "I don't know yet how much I made this year" was that I want next December to feel different. I want to sit at that table and be able to report that I earned X and paid off Y and cut out spending on Z. I want to feel more confident about my worth and value and ability to handle money, and the only way that will happen is to say no to the impulse trips and hotels and purchases, at least, until I have accomplished some of my goals. I'm not going to overnight turn from hoarder to minimalist.
I've been listening to the You Need a Budget podcast and reading the YNAB blog and it's forced me to ask myself what I value, what I prioritize, what I'm doing with my life. Am I treating my income as something frivolous, or as the earnings of a real businesswoman? Am I using it to further my career, expand my books' reach, grow, or am I just using it for what feels good in the moment?
Now, as my boyfriend would be the first to tell you, I'm obsessive and impulsive. I get super into something, be it a food or a hobby or a podcast, and I can't shut up about it. Poor him, because most days he's the only person I talk to and he doesn't always want to hear about my obsessions. So, alas, you are bearing the brunt of my latest obsession. I say that jokingly, because while I am the last person you should look to as a financial role model, I can only hope that my late awakening to the value of what I earn can translate into someone else rethinking a purchase they "must" have. I plan to write more about how I invest my money back into my business, which I do primarily through buying books to send to Amazon reviewers and contest winners, traveling for events, book postcards, the occasional advertisement and domain names. I may try new marketing tools and tactics in 2016, especially since Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 has the potential to be my bestselling book, and the better it does, the better, I suspect, my chances of securing more anthology editing contracts. But first, I want to focus on the day to day decisions and what values and priorities they reflect. This is not a "resolution," because I traditionally fail hard at those, but a way of trying to embrace my forties and make up for lost time when it comes to cash, credit, savings and investing.
December 29, 2015
3 days left to get the early bird price for my LitReactor online erotica writing class running February 11-March 10
I wanted to remind you that if you're thinking of taking my next LitReactor Between the Sheets erotica writing class (which happens online at LitReactor.com from February 11-March 10), there's an early bird discount price of $350 through December 31st.
It will go up to $375 on January 1. All the material is written, so there's no set time that you have to be online; you take the class on your schedule, with access 24/7. I check in multiple times per day to respond to student questions. I'm pretty sure there've been students from various countries in each of my classes, and the variety has added a wonderful breadth of experience and information. You use whatever username you select, which means you can be completely anonymous if you choose to, or share whatever information you'd like to about yourself. That's up to you.
This will be my sixth time teaching the class, and I believe it gets better each time, due to my having fielded so many prior questions, learned even more about the marketplace for erotica and incorporated past topics students have asked about into the curriculum. I would only recommend taking the class if you can commit to at least five hours a week to writing and critiquing, if you want to get the most out of it. Students work hard each of the four weeks to hone their craft and learn from the comments they give and get. Also feel free to enter the class with a full list of questions; I will answer them, or find someone who can answer them using my journalism background (such as with my Q&As all about self-publishing from authors who've done it quite successfully).
In addition to the lectures (you can find a week by week breakdown at LitReactor), I will also offer daily posts about related subjects, such as selecting a pseudonym, author branding, social media, erotica community, literary agents, plus exclusive to the class Q&As with erotica publishing professionals, from publishers and editors to agents and authors, among them Tiffany Reisz, Charlotte Stein, Cecilia Tan and Rebekah Weatherspoon.
Yes, it's a lot of information, but you don't have to absorb it all in four weeks; one of the best things about how LitReactor runs their classes, in my opinion, is that you have access to the classroom materials forever, plus you'll get invited to my private online group for alumni where you can find beta readers, share bylines, ask questions of me and your peers, and further form community. The class is limited to 16 people to make sure everyone gets the individual attention they deserve. Questions? Email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with "LitReactor" in the subject line.
You can also read what prior students have said about the class here and here, and whether you take my class or not, I encourage you to follow my students on social media to see what great things they're writing!
It will go up to $375 on January 1. All the material is written, so there's no set time that you have to be online; you take the class on your schedule, with access 24/7. I check in multiple times per day to respond to student questions. I'm pretty sure there've been students from various countries in each of my classes, and the variety has added a wonderful breadth of experience and information. You use whatever username you select, which means you can be completely anonymous if you choose to, or share whatever information you'd like to about yourself. That's up to you.
This will be my sixth time teaching the class, and I believe it gets better each time, due to my having fielded so many prior questions, learned even more about the marketplace for erotica and incorporated past topics students have asked about into the curriculum. I would only recommend taking the class if you can commit to at least five hours a week to writing and critiquing, if you want to get the most out of it. Students work hard each of the four weeks to hone their craft and learn from the comments they give and get. Also feel free to enter the class with a full list of questions; I will answer them, or find someone who can answer them using my journalism background (such as with my Q&As all about self-publishing from authors who've done it quite successfully).
In addition to the lectures (you can find a week by week breakdown at LitReactor), I will also offer daily posts about related subjects, such as selecting a pseudonym, author branding, social media, erotica community, literary agents, plus exclusive to the class Q&As with erotica publishing professionals, from publishers and editors to agents and authors, among them Tiffany Reisz, Charlotte Stein, Cecilia Tan and Rebekah Weatherspoon.
Yes, it's a lot of information, but you don't have to absorb it all in four weeks; one of the best things about how LitReactor runs their classes, in my opinion, is that you have access to the classroom materials forever, plus you'll get invited to my private online group for alumni where you can find beta readers, share bylines, ask questions of me and your peers, and further form community. The class is limited to 16 people to make sure everyone gets the individual attention they deserve. Questions? Email me at rachelkb at gmail.com with "LitReactor" in the subject line.
You can also read what prior students have said about the class here and here, and whether you take my class or not, I encourage you to follow my students on social media to see what great things they're writing!
My proudest accomplishment of 2015
I achieved a lot in 2015, things I truly never though I could or would, and I will be recapping the highlights of this year's writing and editing on my blog in the next two days. But the accomplishment I'm most proud of is about my actions behind the scenes. I'd been encouraging my grandfather to write an op-ed about what's needed to help veterans, specifically those suffering from PTSD, an area he's a double expert in, based on his own experience as a POW in WWII (which you can read about in his memoir) and his work helping veterans file claims for benefits owed to them. Every time I would read about a similar issue in the news, I would let him know and gently nudge him to write something, but as I know well, nobody can ever "make" you write anything. That's not how our minds or creativity or impulses work.
So when I sold my hoarding essay to The Washington Post's Post Everything section, I realized the section might be a good fit for what I envisioned from my grandfather. I'd of course been reading Post Everything to get a feel for what they were looking for, and the more I read, the more that connection leapt out at me. I did something that gave me butterflies in my stomach, because it bordered on, and perhaps was, rude and unprofessional, but felt worth the risk: I asked my editor if she'd be open to him sending her a pitch. Specifically, I wrote:
I really can't express how thrilled I was, because I believe his story is unique and relevant to what's happening in the world today, two qualities I look for when I teach writing classes and whenever I say to someone "You should write an essay about that." It's an oft-repeated refrain from me, but again, I get the sense that many who have brilliant essays lurking inside them are hesitant to unearth them, which is understandable. It can be emotionally challenging, heart wrenching work, especially work done on spec ("on speculation," meaning without guarantee of publication or payment). It can seem overwhelming to cram what feels like your life story into 700 or 800 or 1,000 or 1,200 words, or even into 2,000 or 3,000 words. But what about this thing that happened, and that thing? Aren't they important? It can feel treacherous to be pushed to delve deeper into certain areas, or leave others out. And that's all before a piece is even published; once it is, you're subject to the whims of anyone who wants to comment in any way at all, good, bad, indifferent, rude, ill informed, etc.
But I'm not here to detail the umpteen reasons why people might not want to write about their lives; I know them intimately, and likely, you do too. I'm here to tell you that I felt so overjoyed that my instincts had been right, that the response my grandfather received was incredibly positive, warm and welcoming, precisely because, in my opinion, he did not shy away from his own darkest times, his own suffering, but he also showed how he uses those experiences to help others. I was happy because it brought his perspective to a while new audience, including Captain Sully Sullenberger, especially those who'd also been affected by WWII specifically.
I wanted to write this post to highlight his essay in case you missed it when it originally ran, and remind myself of what I want to do more of going forward: encourage other writers, which I've done in my calls for submissions, in my classes, in my private online group for my writing student alumni, and will be doing more of in the new year with a newsletter focused on writing advice and tips, plus with coaching writers and polishing their words before they submit them (stay tuned!). If you take anything away from this post, it's that if you have a story to tell, I strongly, strongly urge you to tell it, if you can get over all the mental and emotional and other hurdles that takes, not only because there are people who need to hear it but also, and most importantly, because you will be changed for the telling.
So when I sold my hoarding essay to The Washington Post's Post Everything section, I realized the section might be a good fit for what I envisioned from my grandfather. I'd of course been reading Post Everything to get a feel for what they were looking for, and the more I read, the more that connection leapt out at me. I did something that gave me butterflies in my stomach, because it bordered on, and perhaps was, rude and unprofessional, but felt worth the risk: I asked my editor if she'd be open to him sending her a pitch. Specifically, I wrote:
Also, can I pass your email address on to my grandfather? I know that sounds very "I have a friend who wants to be a writer" but I promise it's not. He's 91, wrote a memoir about being a POW in WWII and now helps recent veterans file PTSD related claims so has a fascinating, and sometimes heartbreaking, perspective. Yes, I'm biased, but I do genuinely think he has a unique take on it. I've been encouraging him to write an essay or op ed about the types of issues he sees, including addiction and alcoholism, homelessness, joblessness and how the VA and government could better serve these vets. Just didn't want you to think I'm passing around your info indiscriminately.I got an immediate, enthusiastic response, followed by another one, which I passed on to him, and he took it from there, and on February 27th, a few weeks after my essay was published, his essay "Meet the 91-year-old whose wartime PTSD makes him the perfect guide for today’s veterans" was published.
I really can't express how thrilled I was, because I believe his story is unique and relevant to what's happening in the world today, two qualities I look for when I teach writing classes and whenever I say to someone "You should write an essay about that." It's an oft-repeated refrain from me, but again, I get the sense that many who have brilliant essays lurking inside them are hesitant to unearth them, which is understandable. It can be emotionally challenging, heart wrenching work, especially work done on spec ("on speculation," meaning without guarantee of publication or payment). It can seem overwhelming to cram what feels like your life story into 700 or 800 or 1,000 or 1,200 words, or even into 2,000 or 3,000 words. But what about this thing that happened, and that thing? Aren't they important? It can feel treacherous to be pushed to delve deeper into certain areas, or leave others out. And that's all before a piece is even published; once it is, you're subject to the whims of anyone who wants to comment in any way at all, good, bad, indifferent, rude, ill informed, etc.
But I'm not here to detail the umpteen reasons why people might not want to write about their lives; I know them intimately, and likely, you do too. I'm here to tell you that I felt so overjoyed that my instincts had been right, that the response my grandfather received was incredibly positive, warm and welcoming, precisely because, in my opinion, he did not shy away from his own darkest times, his own suffering, but he also showed how he uses those experiences to help others. I was happy because it brought his perspective to a while new audience, including Captain Sully Sullenberger, especially those who'd also been affected by WWII specifically.
I wanted to write this post to highlight his essay in case you missed it when it originally ran, and remind myself of what I want to do more of going forward: encourage other writers, which I've done in my calls for submissions, in my classes, in my private online group for my writing student alumni, and will be doing more of in the new year with a newsletter focused on writing advice and tips, plus with coaching writers and polishing their words before they submit them (stay tuned!). If you take anything away from this post, it's that if you have a story to tell, I strongly, strongly urge you to tell it, if you can get over all the mental and emotional and other hurdles that takes, not only because there are people who need to hear it but also, and most importantly, because you will be changed for the telling.
December 28, 2015
3 reasons to pre-order Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1
I'm eagerly awaiting the release of what I consider my very best work as an anthology editor,
Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1
, and am setting aside most of January to promote it far and wide. Yes, for the next few weeks, I'm thinking of my primary job as "marketer" rather than writer or even editor. It's been fascinating so far to get to learn about things like feminist bookstores (I can now tell you what towns those 13 remaining ones in North America are located!) and sex toy stores and hear from stores that are excited to stock the book, such as Good Vibrations, Come As You Are and Good for Her (I hope to add to that list soon). It's been fun to get postcards made and to hear from early reviewers who are eager to read it. So as part of my marketing campaign, I wanted to share one major way you can support the book.
Taking over a long-running series means the stakes are high, and I want to do well by my publisher, my authors, and myself. So I wanted to share 3 reasons to consider pre-ordering the book, so it's either at your door by January 12th (and, if history has proven correct, earlier, if you pre-order from Amazon) or on your e-reader on that day. Without further ado:
1. Lock in a great price
While the price on a book's paper cover doesn't change, how much stores actually charge for it may, especially online. Right now, BWE of the Year 1 (my shorthand) is only $12.88 in paperback on Amazon. That's a savings of $4.07!
2. Enter to win a $25 Amazon.com gift certificate (if you order on Amazon by January 11)
I'm giving away 5 $25 Amazon gift cards to anyone who pre-orders the print or Kindle edition on Amazon.com (U.S.). If that isn't incentive to pre-order, I don't know what is! Here's the instructions:
1. Pre-order the paperback or Kindle edition of Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 from Amazon.com (US) by January 11, 2016.
2. Forward receipt to bweoftheyear@gmail.com by January 11, 2016 at 11:59 pm EST.
3. You'll recieve a reply within 72 hours confirming that you're entered!
4. Winners will be selected and notified on January 12, 2016.
3. Support me and the series
Pre-orders signal to retailers that there is customer interest in a book, which usually prompts them to cater to those customers accordingly and order more books. More books in stores means more opportunities for the book to come across a customer's radar.
Now, I'm a very small fish in a gigantic, author-filled pond. For other authors, pre-orders may help them get on bestseller lists. For me, it can mean the difference between a book selling hundreds vs. thousands of copies in its first quarter, which translates into my paycheck. If this book does well, it's likely to mean more resources available to me to do more readings and events and book giveaways. If it does very very well, then if I get to edit more volumes, I'll be able to pay authors more. Ultimately, the better this book does, the greater a percentage of my time I will be able to devote to anthology editing.
If it does well, it will hopefully mean I get to editor more books in the series (I already have a contract for the second volume, and will post the call for submissions on January 1 at bweoftheyear.com. Now, my book won't succeed or fail based on pre-orders alone, but if you are planning to read it, ordering it from your favorite independent bookstore or an online store goes a long way for the same price.
Here's what February Media says about pre-orders:
For instance, most of the bookstore lists I've been privy to related to my books have shown that small independent bookstores typically order 1 or 2 copies of a new book of mine (remember: small fish, gigantic pond). Now imagine if you're a store that's ordered 1 copy to put on your shelves on January 12th, the release date, and you get a pre-order. And then another. And then maybe another. You know that your one lone copy won't be enough. You'll need more for those pre-orders and are therefore logically more likely to take an extra copy to stock on your shelves. To my mind, it's pretty much basic supply and demand.
Ready to pre-order? Here are handy links:
Amazon (print)
Kindle
Barnes & Noble (print)
Nook
Powells
Books-a-Million
IndieBound (find your nearest local bookstore)
Cleis Press
Amazon UK (print)
Amazon UK Kindle
Amazon Canada (print)
Amazon Canada Kindle
Taking over a long-running series means the stakes are high, and I want to do well by my publisher, my authors, and myself. So I wanted to share 3 reasons to consider pre-ordering the book, so it's either at your door by January 12th (and, if history has proven correct, earlier, if you pre-order from Amazon) or on your e-reader on that day. Without further ado:
1. Lock in a great price
While the price on a book's paper cover doesn't change, how much stores actually charge for it may, especially online. Right now, BWE of the Year 1 (my shorthand) is only $12.88 in paperback on Amazon. That's a savings of $4.07!
2. Enter to win a $25 Amazon.com gift certificate (if you order on Amazon by January 11)
I'm giving away 5 $25 Amazon gift cards to anyone who pre-orders the print or Kindle edition on Amazon.com (U.S.). If that isn't incentive to pre-order, I don't know what is! Here's the instructions:
1. Pre-order the paperback or Kindle edition of Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 from Amazon.com (US) by January 11, 2016.
2. Forward receipt to bweoftheyear@gmail.com by January 11, 2016 at 11:59 pm EST.
3. You'll recieve a reply within 72 hours confirming that you're entered!
4. Winners will be selected and notified on January 12, 2016.
3. Support me and the series
Pre-orders signal to retailers that there is customer interest in a book, which usually prompts them to cater to those customers accordingly and order more books. More books in stores means more opportunities for the book to come across a customer's radar.
Now, I'm a very small fish in a gigantic, author-filled pond. For other authors, pre-orders may help them get on bestseller lists. For me, it can mean the difference between a book selling hundreds vs. thousands of copies in its first quarter, which translates into my paycheck. If this book does well, it's likely to mean more resources available to me to do more readings and events and book giveaways. If it does very very well, then if I get to edit more volumes, I'll be able to pay authors more. Ultimately, the better this book does, the greater a percentage of my time I will be able to devote to anthology editing.
If it does well, it will hopefully mean I get to editor more books in the series (I already have a contract for the second volume, and will post the call for submissions on January 1 at bweoftheyear.com. Now, my book won't succeed or fail based on pre-orders alone, but if you are planning to read it, ordering it from your favorite independent bookstore or an online store goes a long way for the same price.
Here's what February Media says about pre-orders:
When a customer pre-orders a book, the sale of that book counts towards the first week’s sales. For instance, if you sell 300 books 3 months before the book goes on sale, those 300 sales are added to whatever books are sold in stores on the on sale date.Josh Cook explains it thusly:
First pre-orders represent an early return on investment. One of the biggest challenges publishers face (that bookstores don't quite so much) is the sheer distance between the investment and the return. Typically, the time between the initial expense of an author advance (I'm not even counting the cost of an acquisitions editor) and actual sales of the book is a year at minimum, a year in which the publisher pretty much spends money constantly on the book. And even once sales begin, publishers really don't know what they've made back from their investment until months after the book has been released. It is a lot of time to keep the lights on. Pre-orders inject early cash into the economic equation of bookselling. (Via money to bookstores who then pay publishers.)In other words, pre-orders will help Cleis Press know their faith in me has not been misplaced. It will help show them I'm not just good with words, but with sales, which is, of course, what ultimately drives the business of books, like any other business. Pre-orders are powerful, and basically multiply your consumer spending in a way that can have a ripple effect for authors, all the more so when we are talking about small businesses.
For instance, most of the bookstore lists I've been privy to related to my books have shown that small independent bookstores typically order 1 or 2 copies of a new book of mine (remember: small fish, gigantic pond). Now imagine if you're a store that's ordered 1 copy to put on your shelves on January 12th, the release date, and you get a pre-order. And then another. And then maybe another. You know that your one lone copy won't be enough. You'll need more for those pre-orders and are therefore logically more likely to take an extra copy to stock on your shelves. To my mind, it's pretty much basic supply and demand.
Ready to pre-order? Here are handy links:
Amazon (print)
Kindle
Barnes & Noble (print)
Nook
Powells
Books-a-Million
IndieBound (find your nearest local bookstore)
Cleis Press
Amazon UK (print)
Amazon UK Kindle
Amazon Canada (print)
Amazon Canada Kindle
How I spent Christmas Day
I wrote the following after this opening paragraph on Christmas Day, and, typical for me, didn't just say "it's done" and post it, but let it sit idle. Ironic, considering this post is about the tension in my life between productivity and being a slacker. One of my plans for 2016 is to not do that; to write and publish more often with less overanalyzing. So I will say that I finished the puzzle two days after Christmas, a group effort, and felt immensely satisfied and in awe of the beauty of the photo and the bridge. That kind of determination to sit and focus and get it done is what I need to bring to my work, not tomorrow or next week or next year, but immediately. Today I head home and will spend this week wrapping up my final 2015 bylines and tasks and preparing to start the new year proudly. Friday I will use accounting software for the first time in my life, which feels shameful to admit, but better late than never. I will be working from my mostly bookless office, which the books are all packed up, and maybe that will be a source of comfort, to go back to basics, to work without so many potential distractions for a week or so. I also finished listening to Millennial and it both made me wish, in some ways, that I was a Millennial, with all my adult life ahead of me, and made me realize I need to work on my life in big and small ways so that I know my worth, and value it, like she does. And now, the post...
For some reason, this week spent at my boyfriend's parents' house, full of food and family and gifts and vacation, has been one where I've felt inspired to be productive, which I haven't felt the last few weeks. I've felt frantic and behind and unstable and, frankly, afraid that I wasn't cut out to work for myself. But somewhere along the way from New Jersey to Virginia, that changed. I wrote 5 articles for Salon, blogged a bit, made plans for future articles and essays and book promotions, got chills listening to the Millennial podcast because I recognized so many of my own deep fears about following my artistic dreams, something that still holds me back to this day but that I'm trying to shed. I think that something about being here has made me feel just a little less pressure, even though I have deadlines and pitches I want to get out and all the usual stressful to do list tasks. I worked with editors this week, but I also allowed myself a little break, and am trying not to over schedule my next few weeks because I am packing to move and getting ready to launch my most important anthology that I have such high high hopes for, and then going to Los Angeles and San Francisco to teach workshops and do a reading.
That doesn't come easily for me; I feel like the supreme slacker who won't be able to pay my rent if I am not working all the time, which could mean simply plotting in my head how I will go about earning my next dollar. I have no steady income, and this year, along with some amazing, pinch me opportunities I will always be grateful for, I also saw a newspaper I wrote my first ever weekly column for close, a steady writing contract end, and a lot of ups and downs. Being 40 and determined to become a mom pretty much however I can, no matter what it takes, I feel that lack of stability all the more. So trying to be successful by stepping back feels illogical, scary and wrong, but I also know that for my sanity, I have to cut myself some slack. I have to be more judicious and strategic, to learn from my mentors, from the people whose books and podcasts I admire. I am working on launching some new websites, hopefully webinars if I can figure out how to do it (webinars seem like one of those things people say are "easy," but don't realize that some of us have no clue how to do the most basic internet tasks and are too busy earning a living in other ways to learn). I know I need to do a makeover on my business structure, I just haven't had the time to delineate exactly what I want to change and how to go about that.
Today, while my boyfriend and his dad enjoy cigars I gave them, I'm doing this jigsaw puzzle of the Brooklyn Bridge, one of six puzzles I received this week. I'm thinking about how I want to end the year, how I want to begin the next one, what kind of new home office I want to create when I move in a few weeks, and how I can go after what I want while also forgiving myself if I don't get it all. But for today, this Jewish girl who's celebrating my fourth Christmas with this extra family has one goal: finish this 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle before I go home on Monday.
For some reason, this week spent at my boyfriend's parents' house, full of food and family and gifts and vacation, has been one where I've felt inspired to be productive, which I haven't felt the last few weeks. I've felt frantic and behind and unstable and, frankly, afraid that I wasn't cut out to work for myself. But somewhere along the way from New Jersey to Virginia, that changed. I wrote 5 articles for Salon, blogged a bit, made plans for future articles and essays and book promotions, got chills listening to the Millennial podcast because I recognized so many of my own deep fears about following my artistic dreams, something that still holds me back to this day but that I'm trying to shed. I think that something about being here has made me feel just a little less pressure, even though I have deadlines and pitches I want to get out and all the usual stressful to do list tasks. I worked with editors this week, but I also allowed myself a little break, and am trying not to over schedule my next few weeks because I am packing to move and getting ready to launch my most important anthology that I have such high high hopes for, and then going to Los Angeles and San Francisco to teach workshops and do a reading.
That doesn't come easily for me; I feel like the supreme slacker who won't be able to pay my rent if I am not working all the time, which could mean simply plotting in my head how I will go about earning my next dollar. I have no steady income, and this year, along with some amazing, pinch me opportunities I will always be grateful for, I also saw a newspaper I wrote my first ever weekly column for close, a steady writing contract end, and a lot of ups and downs. Being 40 and determined to become a mom pretty much however I can, no matter what it takes, I feel that lack of stability all the more. So trying to be successful by stepping back feels illogical, scary and wrong, but I also know that for my sanity, I have to cut myself some slack. I have to be more judicious and strategic, to learn from my mentors, from the people whose books and podcasts I admire. I am working on launching some new websites, hopefully webinars if I can figure out how to do it (webinars seem like one of those things people say are "easy," but don't realize that some of us have no clue how to do the most basic internet tasks and are too busy earning a living in other ways to learn). I know I need to do a makeover on my business structure, I just haven't had the time to delineate exactly what I want to change and how to go about that.
Today, while my boyfriend and his dad enjoy cigars I gave them, I'm doing this jigsaw puzzle of the Brooklyn Bridge, one of six puzzles I received this week. I'm thinking about how I want to end the year, how I want to begin the next one, what kind of new home office I want to create when I move in a few weeks, and how I can go after what I want while also forgiving myself if I don't get it all. But for today, this Jewish girl who's celebrating my fourth Christmas with this extra family has one goal: finish this 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle before I go home on Monday.
December 24, 2015
Thanks for getting me over halfway to my goal of 40 Dirty Dates reviews for my 40th birthday!
So, I'm 40. Most days I feel more like 14 or 24, possibly early thirties, but in fact, I'm 40. Turns out, being 40 doesn't automatically mean I'm wiser or more knowledgable. I still fuck up. I still get flustered and confused and panicked and all the other things I did in my twenties and thirties. But for the most part, I like it. I've decided to invest in myself, which means I'll be launching three new websites in the new year, and doing live readings across the country and hopefully teaching webinars and other things.
One of my hopes for my 40th birthday and Dirty Dates: Erotic Fantasies for Couples , the book that dubbed on that day, November 10th, is to get to 40 reviews of it on Amazon. So far, the book has 23, and here's a sampling:
One of my hopes for my 40th birthday and Dirty Dates: Erotic Fantasies for Couples , the book that dubbed on that day, November 10th, is to get to 40 reviews of it on Amazon. So far, the book has 23, and here's a sampling:
"Justine Elyot’s Baby Steps is a story about a new mother who is determined to get her kink back on. Any parent can relate to this story about how relationship dynamics change once a baby comes along. Nik Havert’s The Rabbit Trap is playful and imaginative. Valerie Alexander’s The World in My Pants and D.L. King’s On Location are both super-hot pieces of Femdom."So if you've read Dirty Dates or will be soon, whether you bought it on Amazon or not, I'd love if you'd leave a review there (or on Goodreads or Bn.com or anywhere else readers might see it). The review can say anything you want (although on Amazon, it can't have any curses or "dirty" words). It can be one sentence or 100 sentences. If you're stumped, I suggest sharing what your favorite story was and why, or your favorite stories. Or just what the book was like versus what you expected. Thank you for being interested in Dirty Dates in the first place! I was thrilled to have a book come out on my birthday, and while my focus now is on launching Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 , I'm still keeping an eye on Dirty Dates and happy its reaching readers.
"What feels unique about "Dirty Dates" is the focus on committed couples exploring kink. That relational background adds a sweet sexiness to many scenes, which I loved. There's also a strong emphasis on consent in these stories - which makes me feel more excited to recommend it to people newer to kink world. For example, there are a lot of sentences like this one, from Emily Bingham's story: "I run one finger along my labia, shocked at how excited I am. I blush as I realize that daydreaming about the events I've agreed to has made such an impression..." Depending on your tastes, the reminders that everything has been "agreed to" can be distracting or quite a turn-on. More than other erotica anthologies I've read, "Dirty Dates" gives a template for how couples can actually explore kink together, which definitely makes it stand out. "
"Slowburn by Morgan Sierra is a femdom story told from the male submissive’s point of view. I don’t think that I’ve read a Femdom story told this way and it was a nice change of pace. It pulled no punches on the muddled and conflicting thoughts that tumbled through his mind while involved in a scene with his mistress.
The World in my Pants by Valerie Alexander gives us another dose of femdom with some juicy public humiliation and dirty alley sex. Of all the stories in the book, this is easily my favorite. All the girls crowding around him in the bathroom and writing on him with their makeup was especially fun to read.
Switch by Mina Murray tells the story of a couple reuniting after he’s been away for work. Blindfolded and handcuffed to the radiator in front of a picture window she comes to the realization that this was her fantasy made real."
