Rachel Kramer Bussel's Blog, page 31
January 26, 2016
The only reason I left my house during the Jonas blizzard
I actually wrote this yesterday, Monday, and thought I'd posted it but apparently had not. Now the sun is shining even brighter and I may even attempt a walk on what I think will be mostly cleared streets today. Onto the post..
While people around me were freaking out about the snowstorm this weekend, I was excited. I'd just spent several days flying across the country, taking Ubers around Los Angeles, reporting and writing an article from SFO, and I was happy to be back home. My boyfriend was over his cold and I am still getting used to our new place, with its weirdly placed light switches and everything still a little haphazard from our move less than two weeks ago.
So Saturday my boyfriend and I simply watched the snow fall from indoors, admiring it dancing in the light, speculating how many inches we'd get. We did one of the many jigsaw puzzles I got as gifts over the holidays. He lovingly chastised me for not having read many of the classic book covers we were putting together, and we said things to each other like, "Where's George Orwell?" and "This is chainmail; it must be Beowulf!" Often our jigsaw puzzles stretch on for weeks, but this one we blazed through in a matter of hours. It was hard to get a closeup shot because the puzzle was so wide, but here's the final result:
He baked bread and we put away the rest of my books, the ones that bear my name on the spine, the ones that remind me on my worst days, You made this, so you can do whatever tough task you're facing.
We watched our streets get plowed, and I was grateful that unlike last year, when we were renting a house in Red Bank and had to shovel ourselves out, sometimes multiple times in one day, this time we didn't. The owners of our place do it for us. They didn't do a perfect job of digging us out, but they did well enough. On Saturday, we stayed inside, and the only reason I opened my door was to take this photo of my new book, because I'm that dedicated to it and really do believe it'll warm you up (please don't burn it though!)
Sunday, after the snow had stopped falling, we finally ventured outdoors, walking on the pristine light flakes while trying to clear out our driveway enough to get the car out. I was hesitant to be on the road, but we did get groceries, our original weekend plan, and the ride was surprisingly smooth. But I keep going back to Saturday and how magical it was. There was nowhere we had to be and nothing pressing we had to do. The snowstorm, even though it was right outside our door, felt pretty extraneous to our lives. I let myself let go a little bit of the constantly consuming to do lists and tasks that permeate my days, when I easily could have treated it as just another work from home weekend.
I discovered a newfound appreciation for living in a home that I truly enjoy. For so many years in Brooklyn, my home wasn't joyful. I was grateful for it, but it was such a disaster in every sense of the word that being snowed in would have meant feeling stir crazy.
Now I've come to embrace the concept of home in a way I couldn't have done in that Brooklyn apartment, at least, not the way I'd kept it. I couldn't even conceptualize a home with wide open swaths of floor, enough that I could plop down on and bask in the sunlight hitting me in just the right spot. I would have assumed that was how other people live, but not me, so to have the quiet and space I do now feels like a gift. Instead of just throwing random "important papers" into my filing cabinet, I use actual files that I access when I need them. For the most part, I know where my books and clothes live enough to be able to find what I want to read or wear in minutes, rather than hours. There's plenty more I need to organize, but it's a sea change from my old m.o.
I like my new home office even better than the last one because the sun shines in through my curtains onto my desk. Right now I have a view of the mostly cleared driveways of my neighbors, the snow slowly melting. Working from home and running my own business often feels like a mixed blessing; I miss some of the camaraderie I see between coworkers, the basic human contact during the workday. But I also appreciate the solitude, the noises and rhythms of a home running smoothly that allow me to tackle what I need to without the constant distraction that all my old clutter provided.
Would I say I want more snow or want to spend every weekend indoors? No. I'd be more than happy to do without another blizzard. But I liked that feeling of bunkering down, liked our first full weekend in what I hope is one of many years of weekends in this place.
While people around me were freaking out about the snowstorm this weekend, I was excited. I'd just spent several days flying across the country, taking Ubers around Los Angeles, reporting and writing an article from SFO, and I was happy to be back home. My boyfriend was over his cold and I am still getting used to our new place, with its weirdly placed light switches and everything still a little haphazard from our move less than two weeks ago.
So Saturday my boyfriend and I simply watched the snow fall from indoors, admiring it dancing in the light, speculating how many inches we'd get. We did one of the many jigsaw puzzles I got as gifts over the holidays. He lovingly chastised me for not having read many of the classic book covers we were putting together, and we said things to each other like, "Where's George Orwell?" and "This is chainmail; it must be Beowulf!" Often our jigsaw puzzles stretch on for weeks, but this one we blazed through in a matter of hours. It was hard to get a closeup shot because the puzzle was so wide, but here's the final result:
He baked bread and we put away the rest of my books, the ones that bear my name on the spine, the ones that remind me on my worst days, You made this, so you can do whatever tough task you're facing.
We watched our streets get plowed, and I was grateful that unlike last year, when we were renting a house in Red Bank and had to shovel ourselves out, sometimes multiple times in one day, this time we didn't. The owners of our place do it for us. They didn't do a perfect job of digging us out, but they did well enough. On Saturday, we stayed inside, and the only reason I opened my door was to take this photo of my new book, because I'm that dedicated to it and really do believe it'll warm you up (please don't burn it though!)
Sunday, after the snow had stopped falling, we finally ventured outdoors, walking on the pristine light flakes while trying to clear out our driveway enough to get the car out. I was hesitant to be on the road, but we did get groceries, our original weekend plan, and the ride was surprisingly smooth. But I keep going back to Saturday and how magical it was. There was nowhere we had to be and nothing pressing we had to do. The snowstorm, even though it was right outside our door, felt pretty extraneous to our lives. I let myself let go a little bit of the constantly consuming to do lists and tasks that permeate my days, when I easily could have treated it as just another work from home weekend.
I discovered a newfound appreciation for living in a home that I truly enjoy. For so many years in Brooklyn, my home wasn't joyful. I was grateful for it, but it was such a disaster in every sense of the word that being snowed in would have meant feeling stir crazy.
Now I've come to embrace the concept of home in a way I couldn't have done in that Brooklyn apartment, at least, not the way I'd kept it. I couldn't even conceptualize a home with wide open swaths of floor, enough that I could plop down on and bask in the sunlight hitting me in just the right spot. I would have assumed that was how other people live, but not me, so to have the quiet and space I do now feels like a gift. Instead of just throwing random "important papers" into my filing cabinet, I use actual files that I access when I need them. For the most part, I know where my books and clothes live enough to be able to find what I want to read or wear in minutes, rather than hours. There's plenty more I need to organize, but it's a sea change from my old m.o.
I like my new home office even better than the last one because the sun shines in through my curtains onto my desk. Right now I have a view of the mostly cleared driveways of my neighbors, the snow slowly melting. Working from home and running my own business often feels like a mixed blessing; I miss some of the camaraderie I see between coworkers, the basic human contact during the workday. But I also appreciate the solitude, the noises and rhythms of a home running smoothly that allow me to tackle what I need to without the constant distraction that all my old clutter provided.
Would I say I want more snow or want to spend every weekend indoors? No. I'd be more than happy to do without another blizzard. But I liked that feeling of bunkering down, liked our first full weekend in what I hope is one of many years of weekends in this place.
January 25, 2016
When a Jewish erotic romance author becomes a Christian inspirational romance author - my Broadly Q&A
Speaking of breaking into new markets, I've been reading Broadly since it debuted last year, and have found it fascinating, especially its coverage of sex. So I'm thrilled that today my first piece for Broadly is up; it's a Q&A entitled "What Happens When a BDSM Author Converts to Christianity". Some of you may be familiar with the work of Shoshanna Evers; I published several of her short stories and she wrote many BDSM erotic romance novels. Now that she's converted to Christianity, she's using the name Shoshanna Gabriel and you can read all about it in our interview, including the line, "I literally had an erotic story published that had no consummating sex scene. By accident."
January 24, 2016
Baring my soul about trying to get pregnant at 40 (plus advice for those like me whose writing gets rejected)
Last year was a wonderful one for me in terms of writing for new markets; I broke into a lot of publications I'd wanted to write for, ranging from print ones like The New York Times and O, The Oprah Magazine to online publications such as DailyWorth and The Kernel. I believe the total was between 12-15, but life got busy and I never wound up doing a post rounding those up, so I can't say precisely. I can tell you that every time, it felt like a giant victory, like I'd cracked a code I'd been trying to analyze and solve. Each of those victories in turn spurred me on to keep pitching, keep brainstorming and keep writing.
I've decided to continue my goal of writing for 12 new publications a year in 2016. So far, I'm on track, aided by a very personal essay up now at Ravishly, a site I encourage you to bookmark, entitled "Trying to Get Pregnant at 40 Is The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done."
I wanted to share a little backstory and encouragement: I originally wrote this for a prompt (though I don't remember the exact wording) for The Mix, Hearst's series of daily prompts for their assorted sites, and it was rejected. I submitted it to a dream publication, one I've wanted to write for for years. The day I met with my publisher and heard that Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 2 would be happening, I got an email saying this dream publication wanted to publish the piece, with some edits. I was over the moon!
Long story short, that publication wound up not wanting the essay. Was I upset? Of course. Who wouldn't be? But I decided that the topic is too important to me to simply shove the essay aside and move on to the next one. Ravishly was another dream publication, so I sent it to them, and they said yes. They've even sponsored the post on Facebook, which makes me happy not because I get paid more, but because it shows they believe in my essay and believe that it will resonate with their readers, which I certainly hope it does.
Especially when you're writing about your most intimate thoughts, it can be daunting to keep submitting, to not give up even when you have no guarantee you'll be successful. Part of why I pushed myself is that I'll be launching a blog dedicated to this topic soon, because having a baby is uppermost on my mind these days and what I'm devoting myself to in 2016, so it seemed natural to write about it on a regular basis. That it's also something on the minds of other people I know, largely but not exclusively women, has been borne out by the feedback I've received, which has been encouraging and thoughtful and full of resources I hadn't come across before. I'm thrilled that I stuck with this essay, because as it turns out, the reactions on Facebook have been priceless.
For some reason, I actually held off on posting it there for a few days because this is a topic that makes me nervous. I worry about being judged or scolded or railroaded into trying every old wives tale remedy or potion. I worry about judging myself for having waited so long, for procrastinating on charting, for not having unlimited financial resources to try any medical means necessary of getting pregnant...really, there's no shortage of reasons I judge myself for not being a mom yet. But I've come to realize that it's okay to have those worries and fears, and that releasing them into the world simply makes me feel better. It doesn't erase them, but it eases them, and also gives me new insights and information I didn't have before. I now have a research list of methods and supplements and reading about fertility that I only got from friends because they'd read my piece.
It's perhaps a circuitous way of sharing, in some ways; I do talk to my friends who are moms about fertility but often I can be my most raw and real on the page. Yes, writing is my job, but it's also my calling. It's how I figure out what I'm doing and feeling and where I want to go next.
I share all that by way of encouragement for any writers who are reading this and feeling stuck or frustrated or unsure. If you're struggling with rejection, no that nobody likes rejection, but it's an inevitable fact of writing, and sometimes a given piece just hasn't found the right home yet, and sometimes, it takes time to match a piece of writing with its intended audience. There's nothing wrong with using trial and error, and taking those rejections as learning opportunities and chances to spread your wings, and your words.
I've decided to continue my goal of writing for 12 new publications a year in 2016. So far, I'm on track, aided by a very personal essay up now at Ravishly, a site I encourage you to bookmark, entitled "Trying to Get Pregnant at 40 Is The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done."
I wanted to share a little backstory and encouragement: I originally wrote this for a prompt (though I don't remember the exact wording) for The Mix, Hearst's series of daily prompts for their assorted sites, and it was rejected. I submitted it to a dream publication, one I've wanted to write for for years. The day I met with my publisher and heard that Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 2 would be happening, I got an email saying this dream publication wanted to publish the piece, with some edits. I was over the moon!
Long story short, that publication wound up not wanting the essay. Was I upset? Of course. Who wouldn't be? But I decided that the topic is too important to me to simply shove the essay aside and move on to the next one. Ravishly was another dream publication, so I sent it to them, and they said yes. They've even sponsored the post on Facebook, which makes me happy not because I get paid more, but because it shows they believe in my essay and believe that it will resonate with their readers, which I certainly hope it does.
Especially when you're writing about your most intimate thoughts, it can be daunting to keep submitting, to not give up even when you have no guarantee you'll be successful. Part of why I pushed myself is that I'll be launching a blog dedicated to this topic soon, because having a baby is uppermost on my mind these days and what I'm devoting myself to in 2016, so it seemed natural to write about it on a regular basis. That it's also something on the minds of other people I know, largely but not exclusively women, has been borne out by the feedback I've received, which has been encouraging and thoughtful and full of resources I hadn't come across before. I'm thrilled that I stuck with this essay, because as it turns out, the reactions on Facebook have been priceless.
For some reason, I actually held off on posting it there for a few days because this is a topic that makes me nervous. I worry about being judged or scolded or railroaded into trying every old wives tale remedy or potion. I worry about judging myself for having waited so long, for procrastinating on charting, for not having unlimited financial resources to try any medical means necessary of getting pregnant...really, there's no shortage of reasons I judge myself for not being a mom yet. But I've come to realize that it's okay to have those worries and fears, and that releasing them into the world simply makes me feel better. It doesn't erase them, but it eases them, and also gives me new insights and information I didn't have before. I now have a research list of methods and supplements and reading about fertility that I only got from friends because they'd read my piece.
It's perhaps a circuitous way of sharing, in some ways; I do talk to my friends who are moms about fertility but often I can be my most raw and real on the page. Yes, writing is my job, but it's also my calling. It's how I figure out what I'm doing and feeling and where I want to go next.
I share all that by way of encouragement for any writers who are reading this and feeling stuck or frustrated or unsure. If you're struggling with rejection, no that nobody likes rejection, but it's an inevitable fact of writing, and sometimes a given piece just hasn't found the right home yet, and sometimes, it takes time to match a piece of writing with its intended audience. There's nothing wrong with using trial and error, and taking those rejections as learning opportunities and chances to spread your wings, and your words.
January 21, 2016
How The Art of Asking led to me talking about Tampa by Alissa Nutting, Morrissey's novel and the Bad Sex in Fiction Awards on LitReactor's Unprintable podcast
I'm back home from California, enjoying being back in my own bed, in my chilly in certain spots but lovely new home, and catching up on blog posts and writing. I had meant to share a fun interview I did recently, and a little backstory on how it happened, and now I am.
This podcast interview was a huge honor, because it's with a podcast and company I greatly admire, and a lesson in Amanda Palmer's book title The Art of Asking , one I've previously put into action as well. It's probably the #1 business/creativity book in my life in terms of the profound effect it's had (close second, or in the running for #1, is Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert). I'm not saying I'm in any other way like Amanda Palmer, who I don't even know that much about beyond reading the book, but I am saying the principles of her approach to asking have stayed with me ever since I read it and I try to remember them when I'm going after something I want, or I'm nervous about making a request, even though it feels utterly right in my heart.
I will save my "why I believe in DIY author self-promotion" rant for another day, but suffice it to say, while I used to wait for opportunities to magically appear in front of me, now I go after opportunities. I feel I owe it to myself and my business, and I believe in my message enough, and my offerings (like my upcoming LitReactor online erotica class, hint hint!) to want to share them with the world, and by "the world," I mean the world beyond people who might already know who I am (like you, my wonderful, patient with my meanderings blog readers). Especially when I become a fan of a podcast, which often feels more intimate to me than reading, because I'm hearing someone's voice, I'm hearing how they ask questions, how they pause and phrase things, how they laugh, I tend to think about what it would be like to be a guest. In many cases, that wouldn't make sense, because it's not about what I do, but when it is, I let that image linger a little longer and if that image like it would make sense, I let myself envision it happening, which makes the ask a lot easier.
Gaining that perspective, that I'm coming from a place of passion about my work and belief in its power and importance and in the case of my teaching, effectiveness, changed my sense of asking for things from being rude and pushy to simply being one creative businesswoman asking someone else to share in a mutually beneficial arrangement, while knowing full well they may say no. I don't invest my ego or my sense of self-worth in the answer; I simply see it as one small step toward following my dreams.
Plus, in 2015 podcasts sort of took over my life. I devoured so many new ones and woke up eager to listen to whatever was on tap that day. I haven't been listening as much in 2016 mainly because I was busy moving and have had lots of deadlines and I can't seem to both write and listen to podcasts. I can listen to music, but podcasts require another level of concentration. So when it came to thinking about promoting my new book and my upcoming class, being interviewed on podcasts seems like a fitting next step. Oh, and I got on Girl Boner podcast by asking too. I'm proof that it works.
TL:DR I got over my qualms about sounding pompous or overly entitled and asked politely if I could be interviewed on LitReactor's Unprintable podcast, which I only recently found out existed but quickly became fascinated by (as a book lover, how could I not enjoy hearing what the hosts are reading each episode, told in a manner that conveys of course we're reading, we're always reading).
They said yes and here's our episode (yes, that's me and Morrissey pictured above, and we talk about and laugh at a snippet from his novel Bad Sex in Fiction award winning List of the Lost, definitely not something teen me would have thought I'd ever do when I saw him in concert).
Not only did they say yes, they put me on with co-hosts Cath Murphy, who also is one half of the must-listen Domestic Hell podcast (their current episode is on "Granny Vajazzling," which should really tell you whether you're immediately intrigued or not), and whose accent I adore, and LitReactor class facilitator and writer Renee Asher Pickup, for the first all-female Unprintable show. It was so much fun, and while at the top it was suggested we go for 30 minutes, we babbled on for an hour and 15 minutes, and I know I could have kept on talking with these wonderful women for way longer.
It was a sprawling, sometimes hilarious, thoughtful discussion, about sexism in book criticism and mansplaining, Morrissey's purple prose, how Tampa by Alissa Nutting was treated by the media, whether the Bad Sex in Fiction Awards are good for writing, the use of pseudonyms, tattoos, and more. For me, it felt like talking to two old friends, even though I'd never spoken to them before save for a very quick Skype call to go over things a few weeks prior.
Again, in case you missed it the first time: It would never have happened if I hadn't asked. Am I saying you'll get everything you ask for just by asking? No, but I am saying that asking is the first step. Being prepared for rejection is part and parcel of asking, and I'll revisit that topic, but for now, I definitely recommend tuning in and you can subscribe to the Unprintable podcast in iTunes. If you like books and reading, I'm pretty sure you'll like it.
So now I will apply the magic of asking again: if you know anyone who might be interested in my upcoming LitReactor 4-week online Between the Sheets erotica writing class, please pass on the info! This will be my sixth time teaching it, and right now I'm preparing for it by researching and interviewing new literary agents, publishers, editors and authors because I aim to make each class even more informative than the next. In addition to all the stated weekly lectures and assignments, I bring students over a dozen exclusive interviews with erotica publishing insiders designed to help you get published and get your publishing questions answered. Plus I've learned so much about what's happening in my industry that I wouldn't have known otherwise, and found great books to read, like Everything I Left Unsaid by M. O'Keefe, which I'm reading now on the recommendation of the agent who sold it, who I interview for the class.
Speaking of which: I love when students come in with questions! But I also appreciate that four weeks is a good amount of time to develop even more, and that's part of the joy of this class: you can figure out what you want to know as you go along. Plus after it's over, you'll get an invitation to my private online group for erotica writing student alumni where I share writing news and resources, and students ask questions and continue the community that's often formed in the classes. The class is limited to 16 people so everyone can receive as much attention and feedback as they deserve. Questions about the class? Email rachelkb at gmail.com with "LitReactor" in the subject line.
This podcast interview was a huge honor, because it's with a podcast and company I greatly admire, and a lesson in Amanda Palmer's book title The Art of Asking , one I've previously put into action as well. It's probably the #1 business/creativity book in my life in terms of the profound effect it's had (close second, or in the running for #1, is Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert). I'm not saying I'm in any other way like Amanda Palmer, who I don't even know that much about beyond reading the book, but I am saying the principles of her approach to asking have stayed with me ever since I read it and I try to remember them when I'm going after something I want, or I'm nervous about making a request, even though it feels utterly right in my heart.
I will save my "why I believe in DIY author self-promotion" rant for another day, but suffice it to say, while I used to wait for opportunities to magically appear in front of me, now I go after opportunities. I feel I owe it to myself and my business, and I believe in my message enough, and my offerings (like my upcoming LitReactor online erotica class, hint hint!) to want to share them with the world, and by "the world," I mean the world beyond people who might already know who I am (like you, my wonderful, patient with my meanderings blog readers). Especially when I become a fan of a podcast, which often feels more intimate to me than reading, because I'm hearing someone's voice, I'm hearing how they ask questions, how they pause and phrase things, how they laugh, I tend to think about what it would be like to be a guest. In many cases, that wouldn't make sense, because it's not about what I do, but when it is, I let that image linger a little longer and if that image like it would make sense, I let myself envision it happening, which makes the ask a lot easier.
Gaining that perspective, that I'm coming from a place of passion about my work and belief in its power and importance and in the case of my teaching, effectiveness, changed my sense of asking for things from being rude and pushy to simply being one creative businesswoman asking someone else to share in a mutually beneficial arrangement, while knowing full well they may say no. I don't invest my ego or my sense of self-worth in the answer; I simply see it as one small step toward following my dreams.
Plus, in 2015 podcasts sort of took over my life. I devoured so many new ones and woke up eager to listen to whatever was on tap that day. I haven't been listening as much in 2016 mainly because I was busy moving and have had lots of deadlines and I can't seem to both write and listen to podcasts. I can listen to music, but podcasts require another level of concentration. So when it came to thinking about promoting my new book and my upcoming class, being interviewed on podcasts seems like a fitting next step. Oh, and I got on Girl Boner podcast by asking too. I'm proof that it works.
TL:DR I got over my qualms about sounding pompous or overly entitled and asked politely if I could be interviewed on LitReactor's Unprintable podcast, which I only recently found out existed but quickly became fascinated by (as a book lover, how could I not enjoy hearing what the hosts are reading each episode, told in a manner that conveys of course we're reading, we're always reading).
They said yes and here's our episode (yes, that's me and Morrissey pictured above, and we talk about and laugh at a snippet from his novel Bad Sex in Fiction award winning List of the Lost, definitely not something teen me would have thought I'd ever do when I saw him in concert).
Not only did they say yes, they put me on with co-hosts Cath Murphy, who also is one half of the must-listen Domestic Hell podcast (their current episode is on "Granny Vajazzling," which should really tell you whether you're immediately intrigued or not), and whose accent I adore, and LitReactor class facilitator and writer Renee Asher Pickup, for the first all-female Unprintable show. It was so much fun, and while at the top it was suggested we go for 30 minutes, we babbled on for an hour and 15 minutes, and I know I could have kept on talking with these wonderful women for way longer.
It was a sprawling, sometimes hilarious, thoughtful discussion, about sexism in book criticism and mansplaining, Morrissey's purple prose, how Tampa by Alissa Nutting was treated by the media, whether the Bad Sex in Fiction Awards are good for writing, the use of pseudonyms, tattoos, and more. For me, it felt like talking to two old friends, even though I'd never spoken to them before save for a very quick Skype call to go over things a few weeks prior.
Again, in case you missed it the first time: It would never have happened if I hadn't asked. Am I saying you'll get everything you ask for just by asking? No, but I am saying that asking is the first step. Being prepared for rejection is part and parcel of asking, and I'll revisit that topic, but for now, I definitely recommend tuning in and you can subscribe to the Unprintable podcast in iTunes. If you like books and reading, I'm pretty sure you'll like it.
So now I will apply the magic of asking again: if you know anyone who might be interested in my upcoming LitReactor 4-week online Between the Sheets erotica writing class, please pass on the info! This will be my sixth time teaching it, and right now I'm preparing for it by researching and interviewing new literary agents, publishers, editors and authors because I aim to make each class even more informative than the next. In addition to all the stated weekly lectures and assignments, I bring students over a dozen exclusive interviews with erotica publishing insiders designed to help you get published and get your publishing questions answered. Plus I've learned so much about what's happening in my industry that I wouldn't have known otherwise, and found great books to read, like Everything I Left Unsaid by M. O'Keefe, which I'm reading now on the recommendation of the agent who sold it, who I interview for the class.
Speaking of which: I love when students come in with questions! But I also appreciate that four weeks is a good amount of time to develop even more, and that's part of the joy of this class: you can figure out what you want to know as you go along. Plus after it's over, you'll get an invitation to my private online group for erotica writing student alumni where I share writing news and resources, and students ask questions and continue the community that's often formed in the classes. The class is limited to 16 people so everyone can receive as much attention and feedback as they deserve. Questions about the class? Email rachelkb at gmail.com with "LitReactor" in the subject line.
January 19, 2016
See you tonight at 6:30 at 1620 Polk Street, San Francisco for our Good Vibrations reading from Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1!
Tonight is my big night, and my new book's debut! Hope to see you there and if you can't make it, tell your Bay Area friends to come warm up with us!
Tuesday, January 19, 6:30-8:30 pm
Free Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 reading
Celebrate one of the hottest books of 2016, Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1! Join editor Rachel Kramer Bussel and contributors Amy Butcher, Rose Caraway, Dorothy Freed, and Jade A. Waters for a sexy reading from these hot, varied pansexual stories by and about a range of daring, feisty, take-charge women, followed by a book signing. Free. Oh, and the store has an Antique Vibrator Museum!
Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street (at Sacramento), San Francisco, 415-345-0400
Tuesday, January 19, 6:30-8:30 pm
Free Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1 reading
Celebrate one of the hottest books of 2016, Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1! Join editor Rachel Kramer Bussel and contributors Amy Butcher, Rose Caraway, Dorothy Freed, and Jade A. Waters for a sexy reading from these hot, varied pansexual stories by and about a range of daring, feisty, take-charge women, followed by a book signing. Free. Oh, and the store has an Antique Vibrator Museum!
Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street (at Sacramento), San Francisco, 415-345-0400
January 17, 2016
I want to help you get published with my 2 writing workshops today in Los Angeles: Sex Writing 101 and my free Erotica Writing 101 class
Today is the big day, LA! I'm heading off to SHE (Sexual Health Expo) for my noon class teaching you how to make money writing about your sex life, followed by a book signing at the Pleasure Chest booth. Then tonight is my free erotica writing workshop at The Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood. I hope you can make one or both of these and if you can't, I hope you'll let any friends in the Los Angeles area looking to break into these genres and get published know. I really appreciate any way you can spread the word!
Sunday, January 17, noon to 12:50 pm
Nonfiction Sex Writing 101 workshop (aka, make money writing about your sex life)
I'm teaching this workshop as part of the wonderful SHE (Sexual Health Expo), which runs the weekend of January 16-17 and features workshops by Tristan Taormino, Dirty Lola, Mollena Williams and many others on everything from online dating to anal sex, role-playing and much more. See the full schedule here. Your admission gets you in to the whole weekend; get 2-for-1 admission using code RACHBR at Eventbrite.
Longtime freelance writer Rachel Kramer Bussel will cover all you need to know about writing about sex, including blogging, first-person essays and journalism. You’ll learn how to ethically write about your love life, what editors are looking for, where to find experts on sexuality topics, and how to stay abreast of current sex news. Whether you’re looking to write a sex blog, column, articles or books, you’ll find out what makes an intriguing essay or article, how to pitch, how much money you can expect to make, and how to maximize your editorial opportunities. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, using social media to promote your work and do outreach, and how to pitch stories. Please bring paper and writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. Rachel is a sex columnist for DAME and a former sex columnist for The Village Voice, Penthouse, Philadelphia City Paper and The Frisky, and has written about dating and sexuality for Buzzfeed, Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Glamour, Inked, Marie Claire, O, The Oprah Magazine, Refinery29, Salon, Slate, Time.com, xoJane, The Washington Post and many other publications. A resource list covering markets for sex-related pieces will be provided.
Sunday, January 17, 7 - 9 pm
Free Erotica Writing 101 workshop
Yes, free! This is a wonderful opportunity for anyone of any level to spend two hours writing and learning. My class is always welcoming and judgment-free, and everyone will get a handout at the end listing publishers and resources.
Professional erotica author and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of over 60 anthologies such as Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1, Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, and The Big Book of Orgasms, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing, from getting started, finding your voice, and incorporating your surroundings, pop culture, and personal experiences into your stories to crafting a range of characters and settings and submitting your work. In this supportive, welcoming workshop environment, you’ll learn how to write vividly about everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies, and make them fit for particular publications in the thriving erotica market. This workshop will address the recent boom in erotica inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey, provide examples of well written erotica, and will include multiple writing exercises. You’ll be given a handout listing major markets and further reading suggestions. No previous writing experience required. Please bring laptop or pen and paper.
Pleasure Chest, 7733 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90046, 323-650-1022
Here's a free visual prompt to get you started: use this photo I snapped yesterday in New York to start a story:
Can't make these but want to know more? Subscribe to my newsletter, sign up for one-on-one consulting (see below) or take my in-depth 4-week online LitReactor erotica writing class.
Written critique plus 1 hour phone call Written critique of up to 5,000 words plus 1 hour phone call $175.00 USD Written critique of up to 10,000 words plus 1 hour phone call $225.00 USD Written critique of up to 20,000 words plus 1 hour phone call $300.00 USD
Sunday, January 17, noon to 12:50 pm
Nonfiction Sex Writing 101 workshop (aka, make money writing about your sex life)
I'm teaching this workshop as part of the wonderful SHE (Sexual Health Expo), which runs the weekend of January 16-17 and features workshops by Tristan Taormino, Dirty Lola, Mollena Williams and many others on everything from online dating to anal sex, role-playing and much more. See the full schedule here. Your admission gets you in to the whole weekend; get 2-for-1 admission using code RACHBR at Eventbrite.
Longtime freelance writer Rachel Kramer Bussel will cover all you need to know about writing about sex, including blogging, first-person essays and journalism. You’ll learn how to ethically write about your love life, what editors are looking for, where to find experts on sexuality topics, and how to stay abreast of current sex news. Whether you’re looking to write a sex blog, column, articles or books, you’ll find out what makes an intriguing essay or article, how to pitch, how much money you can expect to make, and how to maximize your editorial opportunities. The class will also cover branding yourself as a writer, using and selecting a good pseudonym, using social media to promote your work and do outreach, and how to pitch stories. Please bring paper and writing implements or a laptop to use for in class writing exercises. Rachel is a sex columnist for DAME and a former sex columnist for The Village Voice, Penthouse, Philadelphia City Paper and The Frisky, and has written about dating and sexuality for Buzzfeed, Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Glamour, Inked, Marie Claire, O, The Oprah Magazine, Refinery29, Salon, Slate, Time.com, xoJane, The Washington Post and many other publications. A resource list covering markets for sex-related pieces will be provided.
Sunday, January 17, 7 - 9 pm
Free Erotica Writing 101 workshop
Yes, free! This is a wonderful opportunity for anyone of any level to spend two hours writing and learning. My class is always welcoming and judgment-free, and everyone will get a handout at the end listing publishers and resources.
Professional erotica author and editor Rachel Kramer Bussel, editor of over 60 anthologies such as Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1, Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica, and The Big Book of Orgasms, will take you through the ins and outs of modern erotic writing, from getting started, finding your voice, and incorporating your surroundings, pop culture, and personal experiences into your stories to crafting a range of characters and settings and submitting your work. In this supportive, welcoming workshop environment, you’ll learn how to write vividly about everyday scenarios as well as outlandish fantasies, and make them fit for particular publications in the thriving erotica market. This workshop will address the recent boom in erotica inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey, provide examples of well written erotica, and will include multiple writing exercises. You’ll be given a handout listing major markets and further reading suggestions. No previous writing experience required. Please bring laptop or pen and paper.
Pleasure Chest, 7733 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90046, 323-650-1022
Here's a free visual prompt to get you started: use this photo I snapped yesterday in New York to start a story:
Can't make these but want to know more? Subscribe to my newsletter, sign up for one-on-one consulting (see below) or take my in-depth 4-week online LitReactor erotica writing class.
Erotic fiction and nonfiction sex writing critique service
As an editor of over 60 anthologies, I have read thousands of erotica stories and can help you hone your story or sex scene into one that will dazzle on the page and impress editors. As a former sex columnist for The Frisky, Penthouse, The Village Voice and Philadelphia City Paper and current sex columnist for DAME, as well as contributor about sexuality to publications such as Cosmopolitan, The Daily Beast, Glamour, Harper's BAZAAR, Marie Claire, O, The Oprah Magazine, Salon, Slate, Time.com and others, I can help shape your first-person sexuality essay or sex journalism and offer feedback to help expand your reach in the marketplace. For erotic fiction or nonfiction sex writing, you will provide a story, essay or article (or draft) for me to critique and offer feedback and discussion.
Rates are as follows (pay via PayPal button below):
Written critique of up to 5,000 words $100
Written critique of up to 10,000 words $150
Written critique of up to 20,000 words $225
Written critique of up to 5,000 words plus 1 hour phone call $175
Written critique of up to 10,000 words plus 1 hour phone call $225
Written critique of up to 20,000 words plus 1 hour phone call $300
Written critique Written critique of up to 5,000 words $100.00 USD Written critique of up to 10,000 words $150.00 USD Written critique of up to 20,000 words $225.00 USDWritten critique plus 1 hour phone call Written critique of up to 5,000 words plus 1 hour phone call $175.00 USD Written critique of up to 10,000 words plus 1 hour phone call $225.00 USD Written critique of up to 20,000 words plus 1 hour phone call $300.00 USD
Once payment is received, I will contact you within 48 hours and have you submit your written work for critique and schedule the phone consultation ASAP.
Hourly pricing for longer projects available upon request.
Questions? Email rachelkramerbussel@gmail.com with "Consulting" in subject line.
Why I love publishing spanking erotica stories like "Restitution" by Ria Restrepo
I'm planning to detail on this blog why I picked each and every one of the 22 stories in
Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1
, for the benefit of those who've read them and want to know my reasoning, for the intrigue of those who are considering reading it, and for intel for those considering submitting to Volume 2 (the deadline is April 1st!).
Over at Lady Smut, I wrote "How to have an orgasm from being spanked", which is about what happens in Ria Restrepo's story "Restitution," in which pop star Ella Lopez is spanked by a police offer while being watched through a two-way mirror after she's caught shoplifting. It's a very sexy story on several levels, and I interviewed Ria about the psychology of spanking, her thoughts on her tagline "strong women who desire stronger men," BDSM and submission and more. I hope you'll check it out! You can also get more insight into her writing process in our Tumblr Q&A about "Restitution."
And of course, you can read "Restitution" in full in Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1. I don't only want to publish spanking stories (unless I'm editing an entire book of them), but I do want stories that push buttons—characters’ and readers’. I want stories that surprise me, that take a topic that may have been done thousands of times in different ways, like spanking, and still manage to say something new and unique and hot.
Get the book now at:
Amazon (print)
Kindle
Barnes & Noble (print)
Nook
Powells
Books-a-Million
IndieBound (find your nearest local bookstore)
Cleis Press
Amazon UK (print)
Amazon UK Kindle
Amazon Canada (print)
Amazon Canada Kindle
Over at Lady Smut, I wrote "How to have an orgasm from being spanked", which is about what happens in Ria Restrepo's story "Restitution," in which pop star Ella Lopez is spanked by a police offer while being watched through a two-way mirror after she's caught shoplifting. It's a very sexy story on several levels, and I interviewed Ria about the psychology of spanking, her thoughts on her tagline "strong women who desire stronger men," BDSM and submission and more. I hope you'll check it out! You can also get more insight into her writing process in our Tumblr Q&A about "Restitution."
And of course, you can read "Restitution" in full in Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1. I don't only want to publish spanking stories (unless I'm editing an entire book of them), but I do want stories that push buttons—characters’ and readers’. I want stories that surprise me, that take a topic that may have been done thousands of times in different ways, like spanking, and still manage to say something new and unique and hot.
Get the book now at:
Amazon (print)
Kindle
Barnes & Noble (print)
Nook
Powells
Books-a-Million
IndieBound (find your nearest local bookstore)
Cleis Press
Amazon UK (print)
Amazon UK Kindle
Amazon Canada (print)
Amazon Canada Kindle
January 16, 2016
Why used bookstores aren't killing authors' careers
For the new year, I've wanted to try all sorts of new things: routines, behaviors, ways of thinking. The latter seems like it will be the most challenging to crack. I can't really blame myself for not sticking to routines when I spent the first week of the year packing to move and the second week moving and unpacking. But I'm trying. I now devote Fridays to bookkeeping, inputting everything I spent on my business the week prior. I've done my best to get out and jog/walk a few times a week (now to figure out the key card to my gym!).
One of the ways I want to change my bad thinking habits is to expect more good things, of the world and myself, and part of that means rather than lamenting and berating and obsessing over what I haven't done (but meant to), I celebrate the things I have, while also, of course, keeping myself accountable and on track to catch up with what needs to be done.
I'm on a plane right now to L.A., for my two writing workshops tomorrow. During my bus ride into New York, and again when I got on the plane, I made copious to do lists, basically rehashes of all the other to do lists I made earlier this week of articles I need to write, emails I need to send, various tasks I need to accomplish. I write them down to remind myself, but what often winds up happening is that I look at them and cringe and start to hate myself. So I'm working on better systems; I don't have the answer yet, though if I come up with anything useful, I'll share it.
Which brings me to this week's writing. I have a new piece hopefully going up next week for a site I haven't written for before, but one that did go up today that I was happy I got to write is about why used bookstores aren't taking money away from writers or at all akin to piracy, as was suggested by writer Kristen Lamb. I offered up my thoughts on used bookstores and quoted various writers I know, none of whom was dead set against used bookstores, and some were even very pro-used bookstores. Tiffany Reisz told me, "I’d no more apologize for buying a used book than I would for buying a used car."
Are my trying to form better thought patterns and my new article connected? Yes. My work world moves so fast that sometimes, even though I share most of my pieces on my various social media channels, I forget to take even a few seconds and savor the feeling of a new byline, a new piece that I worked hard on, whether it took an hour or twenty hours. I want to try to take that time more often, as a way of stepping back and also pushing myself forward. My old way clearly wasn't/isn't working, because all it does is leave me feeling overwhelmed and, often, hopeless, thinking my glass isn't just half empty, but dry as a well and never to be watered again, when the rational side of me knows that's not true.
So here's to spending a few days in the state where I used to live, writing new words, and savoring the ones that are harder to come by, but just as, if not more, meaningful than the ones that roll easily off my fingers.
One of the ways I want to change my bad thinking habits is to expect more good things, of the world and myself, and part of that means rather than lamenting and berating and obsessing over what I haven't done (but meant to), I celebrate the things I have, while also, of course, keeping myself accountable and on track to catch up with what needs to be done.
I'm on a plane right now to L.A., for my two writing workshops tomorrow. During my bus ride into New York, and again when I got on the plane, I made copious to do lists, basically rehashes of all the other to do lists I made earlier this week of articles I need to write, emails I need to send, various tasks I need to accomplish. I write them down to remind myself, but what often winds up happening is that I look at them and cringe and start to hate myself. So I'm working on better systems; I don't have the answer yet, though if I come up with anything useful, I'll share it.
Which brings me to this week's writing. I have a new piece hopefully going up next week for a site I haven't written for before, but one that did go up today that I was happy I got to write is about why used bookstores aren't taking money away from writers or at all akin to piracy, as was suggested by writer Kristen Lamb. I offered up my thoughts on used bookstores and quoted various writers I know, none of whom was dead set against used bookstores, and some were even very pro-used bookstores. Tiffany Reisz told me, "I’d no more apologize for buying a used book than I would for buying a used car."
Are my trying to form better thought patterns and my new article connected? Yes. My work world moves so fast that sometimes, even though I share most of my pieces on my various social media channels, I forget to take even a few seconds and savor the feeling of a new byline, a new piece that I worked hard on, whether it took an hour or twenty hours. I want to try to take that time more often, as a way of stepping back and also pushing myself forward. My old way clearly wasn't/isn't working, because all it does is leave me feeling overwhelmed and, often, hopeless, thinking my glass isn't just half empty, but dry as a well and never to be watered again, when the rational side of me knows that's not true.
So here's to spending a few days in the state where I used to live, writing new words, and savoring the ones that are harder to come by, but just as, if not more, meaningful than the ones that roll easily off my fingers.
January 12, 2016
22 sexy stories are out today in my new book Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1
The good news:
Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 1
, my best book but also the one with the least catchy title, is out today in print and ebook!
I could give you the marketing blurb or back cover copy or any of those official type promotions, but here's what I will tell you: this book made me think about sex in entirely new ways (especially "Waiting to Pee"). It surprised me and awed me and impressed me and turned on both my body and my mind. I've been rereading stories to prepare for the big day and each time, I see turns of phrase and sexy nuances I hadn't noticed before. These are erotic stories, but they are very much stories with fully fleshed out, fleshy, hungry, eager, daring characters. They aren't all perfect, but they all are true to themselves and their desires, no matter how messy or complex or not socially acceptable. And for that, I applaud them and am thrilled to have them nestled between my book's pages.
Here's all the stores I know of where you can buy it, from online retailers to awesome sex toy stores (hey bookstores! I want to add you to that list and I'm pretty sure your customers will love all the hotness and creativity! write me at bweoftheyear at gmail.com if you see the book anywhere else and I will add it ASAP - my dream is for that list to be looooong). The bad news is I'll be offline most of the day moving, but back to good news, I have plans to blog about each and every story and why I picked it and it's awesome and you should read it.
In the meantime, I've got excerpts to share with you from two of the stories:
"The Assistant" by Tiffany Reisz and "Scents & Sexuality" by Doriana Chase
You can follow @BWEoftheYear on Twitter and the book's Facebook page and Tumblr and Instagram for the latest news.
And pretty pretty please: if you're in San Francisco, come to our reading one week from tonight, on Tuesday, January 19th, from 6:30-8:30 at Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street, San Francisco, with me, Amy Butcher, Rose Caraway, Dorothy Freed and Jade A. Waters. If you can't make it, let your Bay Area friends know! I booked this entire California trip so that I could launch the book with a splash, live and in person (with snippets coming to social media for those who can't be there), and would love to have a packed house. I didn't get to do as much non-social media outreach as I usually would so any word spreading would be wonderful. The reading is on Facebook and Fetlife if that's easier.
Table of contents (click on highlighted titles below to read interviews with those authors):
Introduction (read it on Tumblr)
A New Canvas Tara Betts
Demimonde Valerie Alexander
Ophelia the Second Jade A. Waters
Revisiting Youth J. Crichton and H. Keyes
Date Night D.R. Slaten
Flying Solo Rachel Kramer Bussel
Drawn by Nic Heidi Champa
The Ropes Elise King
Starstruck Lazuli Jones
The Altar of Lamented Toys Jessica Taylor
Matilda’s Secret L. Marie Adeline
Scents & Sexuality Doriana Chase
Alvin’s Night Elizabeth Coldwell
Enter Me Tabitha Rayne
The Wolf at His Door Deborah Castellano
Out of the Ordinary Rose P. Lethe
Lighting the Pyre Theda Hudson
Restitution Ria Restrepo
The Carnalarium Rose Caraway
Waiting to Pee Amy Butcher
Two Doms for Dinner Dorothy Freed
The Assistant Tiffany Reisz
I could give you the marketing blurb or back cover copy or any of those official type promotions, but here's what I will tell you: this book made me think about sex in entirely new ways (especially "Waiting to Pee"). It surprised me and awed me and impressed me and turned on both my body and my mind. I've been rereading stories to prepare for the big day and each time, I see turns of phrase and sexy nuances I hadn't noticed before. These are erotic stories, but they are very much stories with fully fleshed out, fleshy, hungry, eager, daring characters. They aren't all perfect, but they all are true to themselves and their desires, no matter how messy or complex or not socially acceptable. And for that, I applaud them and am thrilled to have them nestled between my book's pages.
Here's all the stores I know of where you can buy it, from online retailers to awesome sex toy stores (hey bookstores! I want to add you to that list and I'm pretty sure your customers will love all the hotness and creativity! write me at bweoftheyear at gmail.com if you see the book anywhere else and I will add it ASAP - my dream is for that list to be looooong). The bad news is I'll be offline most of the day moving, but back to good news, I have plans to blog about each and every story and why I picked it and it's awesome and you should read it.
In the meantime, I've got excerpts to share with you from two of the stories:
"The Assistant" by Tiffany Reisz and "Scents & Sexuality" by Doriana Chase
You can follow @BWEoftheYear on Twitter and the book's Facebook page and Tumblr and Instagram for the latest news.
And pretty pretty please: if you're in San Francisco, come to our reading one week from tonight, on Tuesday, January 19th, from 6:30-8:30 at Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk Street, San Francisco, with me, Amy Butcher, Rose Caraway, Dorothy Freed and Jade A. Waters. If you can't make it, let your Bay Area friends know! I booked this entire California trip so that I could launch the book with a splash, live and in person (with snippets coming to social media for those who can't be there), and would love to have a packed house. I didn't get to do as much non-social media outreach as I usually would so any word spreading would be wonderful. The reading is on Facebook and Fetlife if that's easier.
Table of contents (click on highlighted titles below to read interviews with those authors):
Introduction (read it on Tumblr)
A New Canvas Tara Betts
Demimonde Valerie Alexander
Ophelia the Second Jade A. Waters
Revisiting Youth J. Crichton and H. Keyes
Date Night D.R. Slaten
Flying Solo Rachel Kramer Bussel
Drawn by Nic Heidi Champa
The Ropes Elise King
Starstruck Lazuli Jones
The Altar of Lamented Toys Jessica Taylor
Matilda’s Secret L. Marie Adeline
Scents & Sexuality Doriana Chase
Alvin’s Night Elizabeth Coldwell
Enter Me Tabitha Rayne
The Wolf at His Door Deborah Castellano
Out of the Ordinary Rose P. Lethe
Lighting the Pyre Theda Hudson
Restitution Ria Restrepo
The Carnalarium Rose Caraway
Waiting to Pee Amy Butcher
Two Doms for Dinner Dorothy Freed
The Assistant Tiffany Reisz
January 11, 2016
It's the night before I move and I want to smash everything
Snapshot from the last hour: I try to scan a contract, and my scanner fails, twice. I try to watch a TV show I plan to write about, and even though the TV worked for me earlier in the day, the remote control that I always say hates me, decides it doesn't want to use the volume. For the life of me, kind of like I am clueless about Photoshop, I don't know how to get the remote to do what I want.
Tonight, though, I wanted to toss it across our living room full of boxes. Instead, in the still eerie quiet, while my boyfriend and his parents are at our new place and I'm supposed to be working, I'm typing this instead, in front of a giant empty black screen.
There are a lot of good things happening in my life; I'm writing for new publications, and had my first few bylines of 2016. I've started a very slow combination of walking/jogging, which I'm hesitant to even type out, lest I jinx myself from the minimal progress I've made so far. I'm tackling some long-standing problems in a way that I hope gets them resolved by the end of the year, or at least, the end of next year. I'm flying to California on Saturday, where I'll be meeting a friend's two-year-old who loves princesses and Superman and Wonder Woman and also teaching two writing workshops and getting to do a reading with my authors from my brand new book. It will be a whirlwind few days in hopefully warmer weather than New Jersey is having right now.
But this is where I pretty much feel my all-or-nothing tendencies, my hair trigger ability to cry, my addict genes kicking in. When all the mini frustrations start to build up, coupled with an already toppling to do list, a move, so many things to juggle at once, I start to completely lose it. I'm sure if I had a bigger vice than biting my nails, now would be the moment I activate it.
I always think that a new year, and now, perhaps, a new home, will not just mean a "clean slate," but somehow, a literal new me. I think I'll enter the newness without dragging along any baggage, of any kind. I also apparently think that I gain some special powers and can write faster and multitask and do far more than I'm actually capable of in a single day, and then berate myself at night when I fall short.
I'm looking forward to next week when I'm home and settled in, but I know that before that time, there are going to be big and small things that go awry. Things feel unbalanced and that makes it hard for me to stay balanced, or even counteract that topsy-turviness. I don't want to be too much of a Debby Downer with this post, so I will say, as it almost always does: writing helps. It lets me momentarily step back from my frustrations and aggravations, especially those against myself, and realize that life goes on, despite various setbacks. I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to; at the very least, I can be glad I haven't thrown anything across a room or out a window, binge eaten or done anything else more destructive than gnashing my teeth. Tomorrow is a big day, and maybe the new perspective of a new home will help me see my week a little differently.
Tonight, though, I wanted to toss it across our living room full of boxes. Instead, in the still eerie quiet, while my boyfriend and his parents are at our new place and I'm supposed to be working, I'm typing this instead, in front of a giant empty black screen.
There are a lot of good things happening in my life; I'm writing for new publications, and had my first few bylines of 2016. I've started a very slow combination of walking/jogging, which I'm hesitant to even type out, lest I jinx myself from the minimal progress I've made so far. I'm tackling some long-standing problems in a way that I hope gets them resolved by the end of the year, or at least, the end of next year. I'm flying to California on Saturday, where I'll be meeting a friend's two-year-old who loves princesses and Superman and Wonder Woman and also teaching two writing workshops and getting to do a reading with my authors from my brand new book. It will be a whirlwind few days in hopefully warmer weather than New Jersey is having right now.
But this is where I pretty much feel my all-or-nothing tendencies, my hair trigger ability to cry, my addict genes kicking in. When all the mini frustrations start to build up, coupled with an already toppling to do list, a move, so many things to juggle at once, I start to completely lose it. I'm sure if I had a bigger vice than biting my nails, now would be the moment I activate it.
I always think that a new year, and now, perhaps, a new home, will not just mean a "clean slate," but somehow, a literal new me. I think I'll enter the newness without dragging along any baggage, of any kind. I also apparently think that I gain some special powers and can write faster and multitask and do far more than I'm actually capable of in a single day, and then berate myself at night when I fall short.
I'm looking forward to next week when I'm home and settled in, but I know that before that time, there are going to be big and small things that go awry. Things feel unbalanced and that makes it hard for me to stay balanced, or even counteract that topsy-turviness. I don't want to be too much of a Debby Downer with this post, so I will say, as it almost always does: writing helps. It lets me momentarily step back from my frustrations and aggravations, especially those against myself, and realize that life goes on, despite various setbacks. I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look forward to; at the very least, I can be glad I haven't thrown anything across a room or out a window, binge eaten or done anything else more destructive than gnashing my teeth. Tomorrow is a big day, and maybe the new perspective of a new home will help me see my week a little differently.
