JohnA Passaro's Blog, page 45
February 28, 2016
What Do You Do When It Happens To You?
There is always one wrestler in the State Tournament each year who is the unfortunate recipient of an injustice so tragic, so unimaginable, so unfair, so heartbreaking that the pain caused by the said event will be so unbearable that it will break your heart to witness.
Somehow, someway, unfortunately it happens in every State Tournament.
At least one wrestler always seems to have their dream shattered, trampled open, by a set of circumstances so bizarre it makes you wonder how it could ever happen.
Some circumstance will go awry and so off the tracks that everything that wrestler worked for, dreamed of, will be unfairly and unjustifiably taken from them.
Snatched from them.
Stolen from them.
The degree of difficulty to watch the injustice unfold is amplified if you happen to be close with the wrestler, their family, and consider them to be on your dream team in life.
With over 400 wrestlers in the State Tournament, the odds of it not happening to you are pretty good.
But what do you do, if it happens to you?
If you are the unfortunate wrestler – buckle up because it is going to hurt like hell.
You may not want to hear it but the sad truth is that the hurt will never subside.
It will never go away.
No matter what anyone says to you or how much time passes – it will always hurt.
And it will hurt bad.
Forever.
That is the honest truth.
And the sooner that you understand this the better prepared you will be to beat it.
Every “I’m sorry” that you hear people say to you will burn up inside of you faster than a bead of cold water dropped on a hot skillet.
Every “I know how it feels” you hear will aggravate you to no end.
Get used to it.
It will never hurt less.
For that is a tribute to how much you care.
So what do you do?
The first thing you need to do is to cap it.
Cap the hurt to 49% and then elevate everything good in your life to fill the 51%.
By doing so never allows the event to be able to control you.
When the hurt attacks you trying to attempt to get above 49%, you defend your 51% stake like you would if someone jumped the moat and was storming the castle.
You fight to the death to defend the 51%.
In the space available for the 51% – you fill it with MORE.
More care.
More belief.
More work.
More hope.
More Dreams.
You never stop dreaming.
For it is dreams that make you alive.
I understand that your dream is no longer possible to obtain.
But you keep your dream alive by parlaying it into another dream.
A bigger dream.
You fill the 51% with your belief system.
Recommit to your beliefs, even after the injustice.
Believe in hope.
Believe in justice.
Believe that hard work wins..
Double down on discipline.
You minimize the hurt by putting borders around it.
Impenetrable borders.
Create a space where it can never enter.
I call it the “Andy Dufresne space”.
Make the injustice cringe when it looks at you, watches you.
Act like the Who’s in Whoville when the Grinch stole their presents on Christmas Eve.
Sing aloud like they did – Fahoo Fores, Dahoo Dores.
Make the Grinch scratch his chin in bewilderment.
For when you do – when you become unbreakable,
You win.
Then replace it.
Don’t allow yourself to be known by this event.
Set out to do something greater.
Exchange events in people’s memories for which you will be known.
It is a sad but true fact of life that there will be things that happen to you that can never be justified by the saying everything happens for a reason.
No reason will ever seem equitable to what you lost.
It just won’t.
Don’t let it make you callous though.
Feel more.
Do more.
Want more.
Be yourself more.
What the injustice wants to do is to beat you everyday of your life.
Don’t let it.
You are a wrestler.
You are a fighter.
You are a winner.
It may beat you on one given day. That is okay.
The way you win in the end is when you beat it on the many days to come.
Many months to come.
Many years to come.
Many generations to come.
Over a lifetime.
You win when you use this event to make you better.
No, the pain from the event will never go away.
But if you use it to improve the remaining 51% in your life you win
Just look to improve your position each day.
Make the Grinch scratch his chin in disbelief.
Fahoo Fores, Dahoo Dores
One Degree of Separation
Photo’s by Ray Passaro – www.lisportsshots.com
It may have been in the finals when Anthony Sparacio got his hand raised, but it was when he was at a 46% angle in the semi-finals when he won his New York State championship.
In the semi’s, Sparacio was up 2-1 going into the 2nd period.
His opponent, Colom, had choice.
Colom deferred choice to Sparacio.
Sparacio chose bottom and within a few seconds from the ref blowing the whistle to start the second period, Sparacio found himself in an unfamiliar, vulnerable position –
Tilted, with his back exposed to the mat at a 46% angle.
1 more degree and Sparacio would give up back points, the lead and quite possibly, a trip to the State finals.
With his back hovered at an angle of 46%’s for about thirty seconds, Sparacio refused to let his back enter the forbidden area of exposure.
It was a crucial point in the match.
It was in a critical match of the year.
His senior year.
His dreams of winning a state championship were linked to his will not to be turned.
Not to give in.
To not break.
To be mentally strong.
That was a challenge Sparacio accepted.
He never gave in.
Sparacio’s will proved to be of championship caliber.
Sparacio’s body shook as if it was being repelled from the scoring area by a force of sheer will.
The ref swiped a one count and wiped it away multiple times.
With each one count Sparacio’s body shook even more – almost approaching convulsing.
With 1 degree separating Colom from scoring on Sparacio and taking a decisive 3-2 lead with choice in the 3rd period, Sparacio mustered up enough will to not only escape the vulnerable position but to reverse Colom and take a commanding 4-1 lead.
Turning giving up 2, into getting 2.
A 4 point swing.
Sparacio would win the match by 2 points.
And a few hours later go on to win a New York State Championship.
Sparacio’s unwillingness to give in with his dream of winning a NY State Championship on the line was epic.
His ability to turn the tide during an attack and turn giving up points into scoring points was the key to his state title.
Sparacio’s will was needed to save 1 degree.
Saving one degree proved to be his entry into greatness.
What separates very good from great?
1 second.
1 point.
1 degree.
Where did Sparacio win that degree?
He won it in the years of hard work that no one saw him put in.
He won it in his belief in himself.
He won it in his heart.
He won it in his will.
He won it in his determination.
He won it in his refusal to be stopped to achieve his dream.
He won it in his work ethic.
He won it in his off the mat lifestyle.
He won it in his support system.
Anthony Sparacio worked tirelessly for years.
His effort in every second of every day for the past 6 years accumulated and formed an unbreakable will.
A will which he called upon in the most trying of times to save one degree.
A will which was responsible for his winning a New York State Championship.
1 degree.
Now it is time for Anthony to earn a different type of degree, as he will be attending LIU CW Post in the fall to wrestle for coach Joe Patrovich.
As a New York State Champion.
February 24, 2016
Win The Day
Excerpt from “Your Soul Knows” – JohnA Passaro
There is a time each day, before my eyelids open, when I almost forget my circumstances, my battle, my mission.
It is a time when I do not have to fight to feel happy, I just am.
It lasts for a millisecond each day, but it exists.
And I hold onto that feeling all day.
The rest of my happiness I need to fight for, I need to earn.
Each day, upon my realization I am entering a new day to fight again, I mentally adjust my mind for another battle.
I know I have work to do, as I enter each new day automatically behind in the score:
Melancholy – 49%
Happiness – 0%
Each day that starts anew, starts with me being 49% sad, crushed, an emotional wreck, in the abyss of emotional torture.
That’s the given.
The good news is I still have room to earn 51% happiness, enough to win the day.
51% beats 49%.
So every day my job is to gain that 51%.
To win the day.
The late Stuart Scott said it best in his 2014 ESPY’s speech when he said:
“You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.”
I need to earn my 51% of happiness each day by how I live, why I live and in the manner of which I live:
By improving the quality of other people’s lives, by finding goodness and meaning and by spreading kindness and love.
Every time I find goodness or meaning and spread kindness or love, I earn points for the day.
My goal is to earn 51 percentage points each and every day, to be more happy than sad.
To make the world a better place.
And when I am able to do that, then I am able to win the day.
I have realized my being happier than sad does not diminish the significance of what has happened to Jess.
It actually honors her by my ability to make the world just slightly better each day.
It isn’t easy.
I have no room for error.
Even 1% more on the negative side and I would lose the day.
And I hate losing.
I have no room to feel sorry for myself.
I have no room for any negative emotions.
I have no room for sarcasm.
No room for cynicism.
No room to be callous.
No room to be apathetic.
No room to be uncaring.
In order to make up the 51%, I need to earn each % point.
I need to capitalize on every opportunity that presents itself in order to gain on my deficit.
Compliments, compassion and action gain me positive points.
Love, caring and empathy are even greater points.
I look for every opportunity to spread kindness, no matter how small.
I need every % point to overcome my daily deficit.
I can’t end the day if there is 1% more I could do.
So I reach out to a friend in need.
I smile at a stranger walking by.
I reacquaint with a friend from high school.
I write a letter to someone whom I hadn’t seen in decades.
I do something for someone who has no chance of ever repaying me.
At the end of each day, I do not put my head on the pillow until I have tallied up the necessary 51% of happy points.
I find when I win the day my soul talks to me, and when I don’t win the day my soul is silent.
A silent soul is a wasted soul, so each day my goal is just hear my soul speak to me.
Spreading love and kindness puts my soul in a talking mood.
The more love and kindness I spread, the more my soul talks to me.
There is nothing more I desire than to hear my inner voice.
Each day I fan the flame of my soul by spreading love.
My goal is to make love from my heart go viral each day so the sound of my soul goes viral in my inner mind.
I have learned the trick to kindness is time.
I have learned the reason people are callous or insensitive is because their lives are too full.
They don’t have any more space in their lives.
Even for kindness.
I have learned the best thing one can do is to de-clutter their lives to always have space, hence time, to be kind.
The ability to take time to be kind to someone in this world is the ultimate entry into your soul.
It is one of life’s greatest ironies, that people are so busy in their life trying to be happy when all they have to do is slow down and have the time to be kind.
Leave some space in your life to have the time to be kind.
Read the complete book online – Your Soul Knows
February 22, 2016
More Love
Excerpt from “Your Soul Knows” – JohnA Passaro
The one thing that you can’t take away from me
Is the way that I choose to respond
To what you do to me.
The Last of one’s freedom
Is to choose one’s attitude
In any given circumstance
Victor Frankl
A Man’s Search For Meaning.
When family or friends disappoint me by acting out in a way that is not them, instead of showing my disappointment, I will act with “More Love.”
When a senseless world event destroys human life, I will change my default settings from “Callousness” to “More Love.”
When a problem exists that I do not currently have a viable solution for I will change my default setting from Fear to “More Love.”
When the future does not look attractive enough to want to enter into, I will change my default setting from Despair to “More Love”
When someone harms me without any regard to my being I will change my default setting from Hatred to “More Love”
When someone else finds success at what I have been working hard to achieve, I will change my default settings from Jealousy to “More Love”
When someone wrongs me I will change my default setting from holding a grudge to “More Love”.
From not forgiving someone to “More Love”
Now I am ready to have the most enjoyable experience possible from my life.
Read the Complete Book – Your Soul Knows
PAPERBACK
February 21, 2016
There is an Open Circle
Excerpt from “6 Minutes Wrestling with Life“
Twenty-six years ago, when I was in high school, my goal and mission in life was to win a New York State Wrestling Championship.
I committed myself to a lifestyle, made the sacrifices, put in the time, starved myself, shaved my head, I had the hunger the desire and the determination.
But I came up short.
For many years after I graduated, it seemed like I got nothing out of my six years of total dedication to the sport.
That the trade off of what I gave and what I got in return to this sport was way out of whack.
I hated wrestling for it.
To put every ounce of your soul into achieving something and to get nothing out of it in return was beyond my comprehension, and I just could not justify it in my head.
Until, I had adversity in my life.
And slowly but surely, I started realizing how much the sport of wrestling actually has given back to me.
Much more than I ever knew.
You learn later in life just how important the disciplines of wrestling are.
Especially when facing a seemingly insurmountable opponent, in a disease or illness.
If you live long enough, life will throw you to your back. And when it does, you need to know how not to get pinned, get off of your back and do enough to make up the difference in order to win.
It’s been 26 years since I thought the sport of wrestling cheated me and I am now facing the toughest opponent of my life – my daughter’s illness.
I am so tired.
I am mentally and physically exhausted.
Yet, I have this overwhelming feeling I should be doing more right now.
There has to be something that I could be doing to improve the situation.
I hear in my head:
“There is an open circle.”
This mantra keeps ringing in my ears.
“There is an open circle.”
This is what my high school coaches would say to me during wrestling practice when they knew I was physically exhausted and was about to rest for a moment.
There was an open circle on the wrestling mat, and if I was interested I could get out there and do more.
“There is an open circle.”
When I heard those words back in high school, I would immediately ignore my fatigue and realize there was still more I could do.
“There is an open circle.”
Don’t rest now; this is where the difference is made.
To work when you are mentally and physically exhausted gets you to the next level.
Suddenly, my wrestlers mentality kicks in.
There is no time for rest.
I continue to fight.
I now realize that I may not have ever stepped on a podium in a state championship in high school, but wrestling has given to me something greater.
It has given me a way to live life.
And for that, I am grateful.
Read the Complete Book “6 Minutes Wrestling with Life” Online
February 19, 2016
Invisible, Yet Impactful
If you would like to destroy, blame.
If you would like to ignite, praise.
If you would like to wound, yell.
If you would like to heal, listen.
For words are as dangerous as a clenched fist or as comforting as a deep hug.
They are invisible, yet impactful.
Powerful.
The right words, delivered in the right tone, communicated at the right time unites.
And unity is the first step toward love.
February 18, 2016
Bent But Not Broken
Excerpt from Your Soul Knows – Don’t Eat My Food
There are events that will absolutely dominate you in life, but you can never let them seep into your soul and break your will.
Belief, confidence, enthusiasm, optimism, hope, these traits you need to protect like a kings’ treasure, for they are more valuable than any currency in life.
There are days’ life is going to try to eat your food.
And the honest truth is, it can.
You only have two choices.
The first being, to sit back, let it happen and let your will be broken.
And the other is to fight back, knowing you are going to take a beating, but your will and soul will remain whole.
Always fight back.
The beatings stop and the wounds will heal.
Broken wills, seldom do.
Hearns taught me that night in 1985 that you don’t even have to win the fight to be considered a winner. Sometimes giving it all you have is enough.
Every time you get up and fight, it takes the fun out of it for life.
All life wants is to know you will stay down without it having to be there, keeping you down.
Once it realizes your will is strong and you will get up every time it knocks you down, it will move on because it can’t accomplish what it set out to do.
And that is to dominate your soul.
Which you, and only you alone, control.
Eventually, life will just move on to something else.
And your soul will flourish.
Read “Your Soul Knows” Online
February 16, 2016
It Has To Hurt
You set out to achieve greatness and you have come up short.
You met your match.
You now realize that you gave it your all, and your all just wasn’t enough.
And it hurts.
It hurts bad.
Worse than anything you have ever felt before.
There is only one thing left to do.
Trust in the process.
It has to hurt.
For it is the hurt that festers in your soul which will get converted to drive, hard work and ambition.
And it is drive, hard work and ambition which will propel you to the next level.
There are only 15 wrestlers per year that win their last 4 matches of the season.
All the rest will end their season with a loss.
But don’t let a loss defeat you.
Especially twice.
You will learn more from your losses than you ever will from your wins.
Let the loss hurt.
When it hurts, it means you care.
When you care enough, you will figure it out.
Rededicate yourself.
I needn’t remind you that you didn’t set out to achieve something ordinary – you set out to accomplish something extraordinary.
Therefore, it is going to require an extraordinary effort.
One which separates yourself from others.
And those others are hungry wrestlers, who are willing and able to go through physical and mental torture.
So stand back up.
First, look back and see how far you’ve come, then look ahead and see how much further there is to go.
I guarantee the shorter distance is the one ahead of you.
Discouragement is a dream chaser.
Shelve the feelings of discouragement and just focus on the work.
Wrestling is the greatest sport on earth for the sole reason that the people who are willing to work, will see success.
It is not a matter of if,
But when.
Be relentless in your pursuit of your goal.
Make your will be the strongest part of your makeup.
There is a reason why you are going through what you are going through.
Believe that.
Everything happens for a reason, else it would have happened differently.
There is something that you need to learn to best prepare you for what is to come.
Inspect what that reason may be.
Embrace it.
Understand there is still more to be learned.
Concentrate on progress and not perfection.
Count the times you gave 100% for 6 minutes this year.
Then top that effort next year.
That’s it.
It is that simple.
You will get there.
And hurt is an indispensable part of the formula for greatness.
A loss is not where the journey ends.
It is where the separation for greatness begins.
Read “6 Minutes Wrestling with Life” Online
Your Soul Knows
Read the Reviews
Book 1 – 6 Minutes Wrestling with Life
Book 2 – Again
Book 3 – Your Soul Knows
READ ONLINE
6 – Delayed Divine Explanation
Overtime or Over Time?
There is a brief moment after a wrestling match ends in a tie, that each wrestler has to decide whether he is going to gather himself and go into overtime and fight some more, or not.
Will he enter overtime?
Will he be the first one back into the circle, ready to go on and fight to win?
Or will it be over time?
Where he allows the fact that he worked so hard, for so long, for so little, get to him and drag himself reluctantly back to the circle and allow his opponent to beat him?
Overtime or over time?
The smallest of margins, the widest of results.
When you are faced with the decision to quit or go on, you must always choose to go on.
You either compete or you quit.
It is just that simple.
Win, or take it on the chin.
For those rare wrestlers who strive to be great, they take no solace in moral victories or in losing close matches.
They see things in black and white, not in shades.
Black is losing, even in overtime.
White is winning.
There is no gray.
Great achievements manifest themselves only when you push while you are mentally and physically exhausted.
Always be the first one back to the circle.
This is an excerpt from “Again” – Book 2, the Sequel to “6 Minutes Wrestling with Life”
Read the complete version of “Again” Online
