JohnA Passaro's Blog, page 41
January 18, 2017
When Are You Going to Beat the Guy You’re Not Supposed to Beat?
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Stephen Shone won a New York State Championship in 1985 at 145 pounds and went on to wrestle at the prestigious West Point Military Academy.
He is now a successful high school coach at Montgomery Bell Academy, in Tennessee.
A few years ago, Stephen developed a dreadful toothache during a wrestling practice, one which he just couldn’t tolerate. His assistant coach forced him to leave practice immediately, and see Dr. Matt Gorham, who was also a stout supporter of youth wrestling in the area.
In the process of getting his tooth fixed, Stephen became good friends with Dr. Gorham. One day, while at Dr. Gorham’s house, Stephen noticed a book which had a picture of a wrestler wearing the Section XI singlet on the front cover sitting on Dr. Gorham’s coffee table. Obviously, this caught his attention.
He asked himself what are the odds he would see a Section XI singlet on the front cover of a book some 2,000 miles from where he grew up?
He asked to borrow the book.
After reading “6 Minutes Wrestling with Life,” Stephen reached out to me by email. We hadn’t spoken in 33 years. He said in his email that he just had to let me know the book truly moved him, and he too could relate to how important wrestling was to his life off the mat.
Fast forward a year or so.
This past July, Stephen came back into town to set up an annual scholarship for his Alma-Mata Bayport-Blue Point. He said he was inspired to give back to the sport of wrestling after reading my book.
When Stephen was in town presenting the idea for the annual scholarship to the school, he met with BBP head coach, Joe Gallagher. As the meeting ended, he asked Joe if he knew how to get in contact with me. Stunned, Joe responded, “that is just too funny – I am on my way to his house right now, my son is getting a private lesson at 2:00.”
Both Joe and Stephen came to my house for Joe’s son’s private lesson. I could tell Stephen wanted to talk in greater depth, so we made a plan to meet the next day.
Which, we did.
There are moments and times in your life when you just know something special is happening while it is happening.
Meeting with Stephen that day, was one of those times for me.
We talked endlessly for hours. We shared story after story. We reminisced from early morning to early afternoon and could have gone on much longer.
We talked about the relationships we formed because of this great sport, and the great coaches who inspired us. We talked about our big wins we each had in depth to each other. We both shared information with each other that we hadn’t shared with anyone else ever in our lives. Private stuff, about what drives us, the mistakes we made, and how important the sport of wrestling has been to each of us throughout our lives. Especially off the mat. Especially when we stopped competing. We talked about the losses we each recently had in our lives, and how hard it was to come back from them – but we did. Because we are wrestlers. The common thread of all of our stories was how the sport of wrestling made us into better people.
Thirty-three years later, what we understood now, that we didn’t quite comprehend then was it was the losses and not the wins that best prepared us for life. They taught us how to handle and come back from adversity.
How to fight, and how to win. For us, but most importantly for our families.
One vivid memory Stephen shared with me, that has stuck with him to this day was what his father said to him after coming off the mat in defeat against an elite opponent, he said, “When are you going to beat the guy you’re not supposed to beat?”
If there is something that sums up what the sport of wrestling is all about it is the question,“When are you going to beat the guy you’re not supposed to beat?”
It is what wrestling is all about.
It is one of the greatest lessons that will carry over into life.
When broken down the question,“When are you going to beat the guy you’re not supposed to beat?” infers you have had a loss.
How you respond to that loss is the most important decision of your life.
The loss is an opportunity to become better.
To train harder.
To isolate what is truly important to you.
The loss makes you focus deeper, longer and gives you an appetite and a craving for what you want.
It makes you become a hunter.
To beat the guy you’re not supposed to beat requires training and execution and plowing through plateaus.
It requires ambition, desire and managing your emotions when you don’t succeed.
It requires doing more than you ever thought you could do, and even more when you think you are done.
It requires a focused mental mind in mission mode.
It requires sacrifice, hard work and overcoming adversity.
I remember the first time each of my sons beat someone who was better than they were.
I can describe each match in great detail.
I can tell you every nuance of the match and I can describe the feeling afterward.
I have been around wrestling for most of my life, and I can truly attest to the fact that the greatest feeling in wrestling isn’t winning a championship, it is beating a wrestler you are not supposed to beat.
Why?
It shows progress.
You see a payoff for your hard work. You feel a sense of accomplishment.
And when you beat a wrestler you are not supposed to beat, a wrestler who is better than you, a funny thing happens, you want to accomplish more, set bigger goals, and to train harder because you experienced that ecstasy that comes with beating someone who is better than you.
My father used to say, “There is always a better man.”
I have revised that saying to be, “There is always a better man. Train to beat him.”
When you retire from the sport of wrestling and become a “normal person” again, you will indeed experience loss in your life. Life will undoubtedly throw you to your back. And how you respond to that loss will make all the difference in the world to the quality of your remaining life, and your family’s lives’.
Winning every match will never teach you how to respond to a loss.
Only reaching deep down after a loss, to train to beat someone who you’re not supposed to beat, a wrestler who is better than you will do that.
Believe me, thirty-three years after hanging up my shoes figuring out how to beat someone who is better than me, someone who I’m not supposed to beat has been one of the greatest lessons that the greatest sport on earth has taught me.
And if you don’t believe me, believe the state champ, as I can attest to the fact that the one match Stephen Shone spoke most about, wasn’t his state championship match, it was the match where for the first time in his life he finally beat someone who he wasn’t supposed to beat, a wrestler who was better than him.
Recently, Stephen held a clinic for youth wrestlers at Bayport-Blue Point High School to benefit the annual scholarship he started. What do you think was the one message he wanted to share with and pass along to the new generation of wrestlers attending the clinic?
You guessed it, “When are you going to beat the guy you’re not supposed to beat?”
“When Are You Going to Beat the Guy You’re Not Supposed to Beat?”
And 31 other Inspirational Wrestling Stories
Can be found in
WRESTLING WRITING
Capturing the People and Culture of the Greatest Sport on Earth.
[image error] [image error] [image error]
When Are You Going to Beat the Guy Who You’re Not Supposed to Beat?
[image error]
Stephen Shone won a New York State Championship in 1985 at 145 pounds and went on to wrestle at the prestigious West Point Military Academy.
He is now a successful high school coach at Montgomery Bell Academy, in Tennessee.
A few years ago, Stephen developed a dreadful toothache during a wrestling practice, one which he just couldn’t tolerate. His assistant coach forced him to leave practice immediately, and see Dr. Matt Gorham, who was also a stout supporter of youth wrestling in the area.
In the process of getting his tooth fixed, Stephen became good friends with Dr. Gorham. One day, while at Dr. Gorham’s house, Stephen noticed a book which had a picture of a wrestler wearing the Section XI singlet on the front cover, sitting on Dr. Gorham’s coffee table. Obviously, this caught his attention. He asked if he could borrow the book. After reading “6 Minutes Wrestling with Life,” Stephen reached out to me by email. We hadn’t spoken in 33 years. He asked himself what are the odds he would see a Section XI singlet on the front cover of a book some 2,000 miles from where he grew up. He said that he just had to let me know the book truly moved him, and he too could relate to how important wrestling was to his life off the mat.
Fast forward a year or so.
This past July, Stephen came back into town to set up an annual scholarship for his Alma-Mata Bayport-Blue Point. He said he was inspired to give back to the sport of wrestling after reading my book.
When Stephen was in town presenting the idea for the annual scholarship to the school, he met with BBP head coach, Joe Gallagher. As the meeting ended, he asked Joe if he knew how to get in contact with me. Stunned, Joe responded, “that is just too funny – I am on my way to his house right now, my son is getting a private lesson at 2:00.”
Both Joe and Stephen came to my house for Joe’s son’s private lesson. I could tell Stephen wanted to talk in greater depth, so we made a plan to meet the next day.
Which, we did.
There are moments and times in your life when you just know something special is happening while it is happening.
Meeting with Stephen that day, was one of those times for me.
We talked endlessly for hours. We shared story after story. We reminisced from early morning to early afternoon and could have gone on much longer.
We talked about the relationships we formed because of this great sport, and the great coaches who inspired us. We talked about our big wins we each had in depth to each other. We both shared information with each other that we hadn’t shared with anyone else ever in our lives. Private stuff, about what drives us, the mistakes we made, and how important the sport of wrestling has been to each of us throughout our lives. Especially off the mat. Especially when we stopped competing. We talked about the losses we each recently had in our lives, and how hard it was to come back from them – but we did. Because we are wrestlers. The common thread of all of our stories was how the sport of wrestling made us into better people.
Thirty-three years later, what we understood now, that we didn’t quite comprehend then was it was the losses and not the wins that best prepared us for life. They taught us how to handle and come back from adversity.
How to fight, and how to win. For us, but most importantly for our families.
One vivid memory Stephen shared with me, that has stuck with him to this day was what his father said to him after coming off the mat in defeat against an elite opponent, he said, “When are you going to beat the guy you’re not supposed to beat?”
If there is something that sums up what the sport of wrestling is all about it is the question,“When are you going to beat the guy you’re not supposed to beat?”
It is what wrestling is all about.
It is one of the greatest lessons that will carry over into life.
When broken down the question,“When are you going to beat the guy you’re not supposed to beat?” infers you have had a loss.
How you respond to that loss is the most important decision of your life.
The loss is an opportunity to become better.
To train harder.
To isolate what is truly important to you.
The loss makes you focus deeper, longer and gives you an appetite and a craving for what you want.
It makes you become a hunter.
To beat the guy you’re not supposed to beat requires training and execution and plowing through plateaus.
It requires ambition, desire and managing your emotions when you don’t succeed.
It requires doing more than you ever thought you could do, and even more when you are done.
It requires a focused mental mind in mission mode.
It requires sacrifice, hard work and overcoming adversity.
I remember each match both of my sons beat someone who was better than them at the time.
I can describe each match in great detail.
I can tell you every nuance of the match and I can describe the feeling afterward.
I have been around wrestling for most of my life, and I can truly attest to the fact that the greatest feeling in wrestling isn’t winning a championship, it is beating a wrestler you are not supposed to beat.
Why?
It shows progress.
You see a payoff for your hard work. You feel a sense of accomplishment.
And when you beat a wrestler you are not supposed to beat, a wrestler who is better than you, a funny thing happens, you want to accomplish more, set bigger goals, and to train harder because you experienced that ecstasy that comes with beating someone who is better than you.
My father used to say, “There is always a better man.”
I have revised that saying to be, “There is always a better man. Train to beat him.”
When you retire from the sport of wrestling and become a “normal person” again, you will indeed experience loss in your life. Life will undoubtedly throw you to your back. And how you respond to that loss will make all the difference in the world to the quality of your remaining life, and your family’s lives’.
Winning every match will never teach you how to respond to a loss.
Only reaching deep down after a loss, to train to beat someone who you’re not supposed to beat, a wrestler who is better than you will do that.
Believe me, thirty-three years after hanging up my shoes figuring out how to beat someone who is better than me, someone who I’m not supposed to beat has been one of the greatest lessons that the greatest sport on earth has taught me.
And if you don’t believe me, believe the state champ, as I can attest to the fact that the one match Stephen Shone spoke most about, wasn’t his state championship match, it was the match where for the first time in his life he finally beat someone who he wasn’t supposed to beat, a wrestler who was better than him.
Recently, Stephen held a clinic for youth wrestlers at Bayport-Blue Point High School to benefit the annual scholarship he started. What do you think was the one message he wanted to share with and pass along to the new generation of wrestlers attending the clinic?
You guessed it, “When are you going to beat the guy you’re not supposed to beat?”
Capturing the People and Culture of the Greatest Sport on Earth.
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December 16, 2016
Just 1 Win
[image error]Over the last few years, my world has changed, and I owe the sport of wrestling a deep gratitude for keeping my world together when it was being blown apart.
I have personally seen the positive impact this sport can have on a person and their life.
And by extension – their families lives.
This sport has taught me how to believe in myself, how to work hard, how to endure pain, how to give all of myself to a cause.
And most importantly, it has taught me –
how to fight a fight against an opponent much bigger than any other – life.
When you are a member of the “Life-Changing Events Club” you develop a different perception on life and on what really matters.
It’s your reward for the injustice you have endured.
My reward has introduced me to many great people I would never have otherwise met.
I have learned about so many people’s lives.
And their circumstances.
The ability to be happy in any circumstance is a rare quality.
As a life-changing event club member, it is a quality that resonates with me.
I am attracted to it.
You combine that quality with wrestling and you have my attention.
Maybe that’s why when my brother Joe said to me last year –
“I want to introduce you to a kid I met at the gym, he wrestles for ESM, you just got to talk with him. I’ve never met someone before who has such a great approach to life,” I got excited.
My initial response to my brother was,
“Joe, I know everyone who wrestles for ESM.”
“Do you know Frankie Walz?” He asked.
“No, I don’t,” I replied
“Well, you should – I’ll introduce you to him. I’ve been spending some time with the kid, I have sort of taken him under my wing. He’ll amaze you.”
“How will he amaze me?” I asked
“He has a happiness disconnect with his life circumstances. It is a rare quality.”
“Tell me about him,” I said.
“We immediately hit it off. The more we got to talking the more I realized how unique this kids approach to life was. One day, he was going to walk home from work, so I gave him a ride. I drove and I drove and after 8 miles I said to him – you were going to walk this? He said yes. So I kind of took him under my wing. I helped him wherever I could help him. He has a great perspective on life and a craving to find the right way to do things, and you know me, I have to do things the right way. He had an interest in getting in better shape, so I told him how important nutrition was so I took him to Whole Foods. We are also both movie aficionados. You can ask him about any movie and he can give you a great synopsis. You’ve got to talk with this kid – he has one one of the best approaches to life that I’ve ever seen.”
Coming from my brother Joe, those are strong words.
A few weeks later I was sitting in the stands at the William Floyd Autism duals and my brother Joe introduces me to a 15-year-old, 200 pound sophomore from ESM – Frankie Walz.
“Hey, JohnA this is Frankie, the kid I was telling you about,” my brother says.
Frankie and I started talking.
During our conversation, he mentions to me that one of his favorite movies of all time was “Awakenings”, with Robert Dinero and Robin Williams.
The movie where Dr. Oliver Sacks believes his patients, who have been in a lifeless coma state for many years, are alive inside. And he then works tirelessly to bring them back to life.
Obviously, he’s caught my attention.
I thought to myself what are the odds that a 15-year-old wrestler that I just met would share with me that one of his favorite movies of all time was “Awakenings?”
I knew the odds were astronomical and that divine intervention was more of a possibility than random chance, so I took the opportunity to find out why he was put in my path on this day.
Was it for my journey, or his?
I sat and talked with Frankie for a good amount of time that day.
He revealed to me that ESM was the 5th school he’s attended in the last 6 years and the 15th different community he has lived in during his short lifetime.
I asked him why this was his 5th school in 6 years and he replied,
“I’m homeless. Actually, I was homeless, but now I have found a home.”
For some reason, I knew he didn’t mean that his family just bought a house so I asked him what he meant.
He said, “Last year I enrolled at ESM after wrestling certifications so I couldn’t wrestle during the season, but I still went to every practice.”
I said to him, “What do you mean you went to every practice? Why would you attend practice if you knew you couldn’t wrestle in the season?”
His answer floored me.
He said, “Because for the first time in my life I knew what it was like to be part of a family. My wrestling coaches and teammates make me feel part of something. They were there for me. When they found out about my situation they raised money for me through a tournament – and they never told anyone. I would do anything for them.”
He went on to share with me that his goal is to ‘just win 1 match in his high school wrestling career.”
Now, to you and I, that goal sounds like it comes from an underachiever – but if you ever knew his circumstances you would understand how overachieving and insurmountable “just 1 win” seems to him.
He went on to say, “This is only my 2nd year wrestling, I know no moves and I have never won a single wrestling match as of yet. But I fight like hell. And I will keep fighting for those guys.”
I left the gym that day forever a Frankie Walz fan.
Last season, thereafter, I watched every Frankie Walz match.
17 in all.
17 non-wins.
Just as “Wait till next year” became the hopeful cry for Cubs fans for 108 years, “I’ll get my win, next match,” became Frankie’s optimistic mantra for 17 consecutive matches.
Frankies’ matches, at first, were not competitive, as this sport is merciless to beginners with no wrestling moves, as raw effort is overshadowed by a long technique learning curve.
Then as the season progressed, Frankie learned from each non-win and he put himself in a position to almost win a few matches.
Then he lost some heartbreaking matches.
Some in the last seconds, some by getting pinned while leading or tied in the score.
All along vowing, “I’ll get my win.”
And then in the final event of last year – Frankie got his win.
A pin at the Herricks tournament.
I was so happy for him.
Frankie finished the year with a 1-18 record.
True to Frankie form, it didn’t matter to him what the number was in the right-hand column, whether it was 18 or 200, what mattered most to him was that there was a 1 in the left-hand column.
“I did it. I went out there and fought every match. I’ll wrestle anyone. I’m not afraid.”
A successful 1-18 season.
What a perspective.
Most people couldn’t find happiness in a 1-18 season and still keep their drive.
Frankie Walz is not most people.
When you are 16 years old and you have already taken all that life has thrown at you at such a young age you adhere to a different doctrine than the rest of us.
I call it the Inky Johnson doctrine.
Inky Johnson, the Tenessee University football player who lost the use of his right arm just games before being a number one draft pick in the NFL once so eloquently said,
“Cut me where you have to cut me, I guarantee you if you don’t kill me you won’t stop me. You got to take my life before you take my drive.”
To most a 1-18 season would be a catalyst to quit.
To Frankie, the 1 win was the crack in the concrete where a green shoot found the space to grow.
Fast forward a year.
In the first event of the 2016/17 season, something magical happens.
Frankie looks like a wrestler.
He has wrestling moves.
He wins 3 matches in one day.
The following week Frankie beats a ranked wrestler.
The wrestler who had a seemingly insurmountable goal of just winning 1 varsity match in his high school wrestling career, today, a year later, is now a ranked wrestler himself @ 220 pounds.
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On the same day Frankie got ranked, and probably more important to him if you would ask him, Frankie was called open and came through for his wrestling family.
Kings Park (#5) had a 34-28 lead over ESM going into the last bout of the night.
I’ll let Frankie tell the rest…
“As I was walking on the mat to wrestle, coach Garone said I have to pin this guy to tie the dual meet. If I didn’t pin my opponent we would lose the dual meet. So I went out and wrestled an opponent who outweighed me by 65 pounds. This kid was big, strong and heavy. With 30 seconds left in the match, I was leading 5-1.
There was a blood timeout. While plugging my nose to stop the blood, Coach Garone told me not to worry about pinning my guy. To just go out there and win the match. But I remembered what he told me before the match. That the team needed me to pin my guy for us to tie the match. So if I failed to pin him I felt like I would let the whole team down. Walking back to the circle I got pissed. I told myself I was going to use every ounce of what was left in me to do what my team needed me to do. To pin my guy. So when the whistle blew to restart the match I took an immediate shot, I brought my opponent to the ground and I pinned him.
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I couldn’t believe it.
Everyone was going insane.
It was an amazing feeling.
Getting my hand raised was super satisfying.
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I knew I didn’t let my team down.
It’s a feeling I hope to have many more times.
After the match, Frankie and I were talking and I commented to him, “It took me 52 years to appreciate life, to always be happy in any circumstance. You seemed to master it in less than 16 years. Most never master it at all. To what do you attribute your great attitude and approach to life?
And he said, “I’ve learned in my life that an open mind and a kind heart will always make you successful, no matter what one’s circumstances are.
I just put in my head that I may not be the strongest, fastest, most talented, best looking, smartest, most popular person out there, but there is one thing I can say about myself and other people have said about me is I always work hard. I always go 100 percent.
I never give in or give up to anything that’ll lower the view that I have of myself.
I just try to be the best I can be.”
Wrestling is an amazing sport.
And my brother Joe was right, Frankie Walz is an amazing young man.
Whom I am proud to call my friend.
It is funny how life works. My brother Joe takes Frankie under his wing, and in return, Frankie uses that wing to inspire others to fly.
Capturing the People and Culture of the Greatest Sport on Earth.
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November 15, 2016
Divinely Orchestrated Chaos
Chapter 1
Plateau
There are no limits.
There are only plateaus,
And you must not stay there,
You must go beyond them.
Bruce Lee
December 3rd, 2015
Ever since speaking a single word to her friends ten months ago Jessica’s development has plateaued.
No new words spoke, no new limb movement, no new development in any part of her body.
Except in her eyes.
Most of the time.
At times I see the vast improvement in clarity in Jessica’s eyes as she looks at me, and a sense of
“Thank you” comes over me. As if she is saying, “Thank you for your unconditional love. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
And at other times I look into her eyes, and I see a dense fog and a solitude of endless suffering.
Tonight, I see the latter.
As I pass Jess on my way to the kitchen, I notice a tear welling up in her eye as she stares blankly into the air.
The tear is not a public tear which runs down her cheek for all to see, it is a private tear hidden in the corner of her eye meant only for her to know of its existence.
Someone could tie my hands above my head and viciously take swings with a bat on my bare, unprotected chest and I wouldn’t hurt anymore than I do right now.
It is at times like this that I look over my shoulder and want to turn back on this journey.
It is at times like this that I hear in my head the quote from “Where Dreams May Come,” where Robin Williams goes to hell to save his wife and he is greeted with, “So this is the guy who won’t give up. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that too much persistence can look kind of stupid?”
It is ironic, I have encapsulated the last ten months, in one word, plateau, when that one word has all but consumed my life.
I guess that is how I hang on to the control of the situation – to give it just one word.
My way of saying to the plateau that you are not going to beat me.
What bothers me is that I know the truth.
The truth is, I have done all I know how to do,
I have gone as far as humanly possible and I wonder if all of my efforts will ever produce my desired result.
Maybe, this is the peak of Jessie’s recovery.
Maybe, what I am dedicating my life to may not produce the result I want.
I no longer know what to do, or which way to go.
I reach down and attempt to draw on the wise words of Wendell Berry,
“It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work.
And when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey.”
I will do anything to get Jess to recover, except to have her suffer anymore.
I pray long and hard every day on what I should be doing with Jess. What is the right thing to do for her?
And every time I align with the universe, and ask that question, the same answer transfers back to me, “Continue doing what you are doing.”
Tonight, I question if I have heard and translated the answer to my prayers correctly, or not.
So I ask again.
Chapter 2
Practice What You Preach
What I believe is not believed by everyone,
And is not practiced by everyone who believes it.
Pat Schneider
The beginning of wrestling season is a great time of the year.
Hope springs eternal.
It is the time of year when all wrestlers anxiously await the magic of having their hard work transform into success.
Even though my two sons are a few years past high school, I still follow the Long Island high school wrestling scene very closely.
It is great to see the young guns who I witnessed work hard for so many years develop and have success.
It is the night before the start of the 2015-2016 high school season.
I send a text to a father of an up and coming young gun; a wrestler who is about to get rewarded for his years of hard work and effort.
His junior season starts tomorrow.
“Your son ready for the season?” I text.
A text immediately comes back,
“He’s decided not to wrestle this year.”
Obviously, this is a joke meant to stir up the “imagine” gene in me.
“No, really – who is his first match against?” I ask.
“No, really. He says it is not worth it anymore. He says that he has plateaued and hasn’t been able to get to the next level. That all the work he is putting in is not bearing fruit, so he is going to quit,” He responds.
“What is your address?” I ask. “I’m coming over.”
A return text appears with his address and the words, “Are you sure?”
It is then I realize it’s after 10 pm and he lives 45 minutes away.
“I’m sure – see you in 45 minutes,” I send back.
“Thank you,” he replies.
I immediately tell BettyJane there is someplace I have to go. Even though I haven’t left the house in two weeks she asks no questions. She dutifully takes over watching Jess as I grab my keys and run to my truck.
Chapter 3
Trust In The Process
The highest reward for a person’s toil
Is not what they get for it,
But what they become by it.
John Ruskin
Forty-five minutes later I arrive at his house.
He is waiting for me at the door.
As I enter he disappears to leave me alone with his son, who is sitting at the kitchen table.
“Talk to me,” I start out.
After some time, the young wrestler confides in me that he feels like he has worked all of his life and that he hasn’t seen any reward for his efforts. He has determined that it is not worth it anymore.
After I let him tell me what was really bothering him, I opened my mouth and this came out,
“Let me tell you a little story.
I won’t make believe that I was this great wrestler, I wasn’t.
But I know a little something about dedicating your life to something and feeling unrewarded in return.
When I was your age I gave six years of my life to this sport, and I never stepped one foot on a podium.
I hated the sport for not reciprocating my love for it.
I left the sport feeling that it all just wasn’t worth it.
A total waste of time and effort.
But even though I never accomplished my goals in wrestling, wrestling accomplished its goals on me.
It took me twenty-six years to realize why they call this the greatest sport on earth.
You see, you are on a journey right now.
You think the journey is about winning wrestling matches.
One day, many years from now, you will realize it’s not.
You see, silently this sport is going to build within you everything you will need to be successful in your life.
But only if you allow it to.
You don’t know it now.
Now, you only see losses and defeats and unfulfilled dreams.
But if I can convince you of anything, allow me to convince you of this – you need to trust in the process.
You have to trust that the work you are completely immersing yourself in, is either going to produce your desired result or equip you with the tools needed to conquer a future greater endeavor or objective, that you neither understand or are currently aware of right now.
Trust in the belief that if you don’t succeed at achieving the goal you have worked so hard to achieve, that in return, wrestling will reward you for your dedication and effort with a greater reward than the one you were originally working for.
I believe, if you are one of the lucky ones, what you will get out of this sport will be of far greater importance than standing on top of a podium for a few seconds.
You see, what the lucky ones get out of this sport is a way to live life.
And that lasts your whole life.
Whether you wrestle or not, this year, is up to you.
But understand this, sometime in your life you will be in the fight of your life, facing an opponent much bigger than any opponent you have ever faced before, and you will be called upon to win something much more important than a wrestling match.
You will be much better prepared to win the fight of your life, having wrestled.
Today, you think wrestling is about wins and losses.
It is, but it’s not.
It’s about learning how to fight, to be able to beat what life is going to throw at you.
That’s why you should wrestle.
Forget about plateaus, and getting to the next level, just trust in the process. And you will be rewarded in the end.”
I made it back home after midnight.
And spent the next few hours awake marveling on how the Divine orchestrated a chaotic event to confirm what it has been telling me – to trust in the process.
Chapter 4
Jumping Into An Icy River
This is too harmonious,
Grande and overwhelming a universe
To believe it is all an accident.
Morrie
Tuesday’s with Morrie
When you pray for an answer to a problem that is deeply bothering you, and the answer arrives in another part of your life, it is far too easy to dismiss it as a coincidence.
It is not.
It is a gift.
Open it.
Have you ever wondered why certain things happen in your life, at the exact time that they happen?
What made me send that text when I did?
What made me jump in the car and travel forty-five minutes at 10 pm at night to stop a young wrestler from quitting right before he would be rewarded for all his hard work?
What made me say, “But if I can convince you of anything, allow me to convince you of this – you need to trust in the process. You have to trust that the work you are completely immersing yourself in, is either going to produce your desired result or equip you with the tools needed to conquer a future greater endeavor or objective, that you neither understand nor are currently aware of right now.”
What made the answer I gave to a young wrestler who was discouraged with his performance plateau be the exact prescription I needed myself?
The answer may be in a quote by Ann Patchett “There are in life a few miraculous moments when the right person is there to tell you what you need to hear and you are still open enough, impressionable enough, to take it in.”
I don’t believe it was a coincidence which made George Bailey jump into an icy river to save a man from drowning just as he was about to give up on life himself.
I believe it was divinely orchestrated chaos.
When we are really tuned in to our lives, we recognize that our lives provide us with divinely orchestrated events, often disguised as problems or chaos, that are designed to provide us with the answers we are seeking, or put us back on the path we should be traveling on.
It is up to us to recognize and cherish these events. To dissect them, to learn from them, to use them. When they happen in our lives we must pay attention and implement their gift.
It will be so easy to dismiss them as coincidence.
Do not.
Why?
Because as Morrie Schwartz so elegantly said,
“This is too harmonious, grand and overwhelming a universe to believe it is all an accident.”
PRE-ORDER
To Be Released December 18th, 2016
November 9, 2016
Water
The one word that starts with a W which determines your success in wrestling more than anything else.
Most would think the word would be WORK.
It is not.
It is WATER.
You see, EVERYONE who wrestles works.
But not everyone who wrestles uses water properly.
WORKING is a given.
If you are unwilling to work wrestling will direct you to another sport in a hurry.
Working hard and harder and harder is not the answer.
There reaches a point where you just can’t work any harder.
There is a law of diminishing returns.
Everyone is looking for an edge, trying to get make up the difference between good and great.
I believe a wrestler’s greatest opportunity to make up that difference is with WATER.
They say simplicity is pure genius.
It can’t get any simpler than water.
Have you ever seen a great wrestler wrestle like garbage?
I can guarantee it was because he did not have the proper amount of water.
Would you agree that wrestling is about reaction time?
Getting your leg back when your opponent shoots.
Hitting a shot when the opening occurs.
Did you know that 75% of your brain is water?
Did you know that the brain reacts 90% slower when it doesn’t have the right amount of water?
Do you know 80% of your strength is lost when you are dehydrated?
Did you know that it takes 48 hours to rehydrate?
But I need to make weight – so I have to restrict my water intake right?
Wrong.
Absolutely – completely 100% wrong.
If you can not make weight without drinking a massive amount of water you are quite simple wrestling at the wrong weight.
Did you know the way you lose weight is by drinking a large amount of water?
It won’t happen initially as 16 oz of water will add a pound to your overall weight.
But your body will be at full strength and you will naturally lose 80% of any water that you drink without exerting any effort.
Your body will operate normally, the water will cause you to eat less and will flush your system.
I have spent years trying to make up the difference in a wrestler’s performance. To make up that one point which changes that one loss into a win, which could make the difference in winning a state championship or not.
And the conclusion I have come up with is TO WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER.
Everyone nowadays is doing 2-adays.
Everyone trains like a mad dog.
Less than 5% of wrestlers make weight properly.
That is where the difference can be made up.
So how do you use WATER to get better?
Let’s start with practices.
Most wrestlers, unfortunately, use practice to lose weight.
You need to use practice to GET BETTER.
Here’s how.
Drink water when you first get up in the morning.
Drink water throughout the day.
Drink water before practice
Only practice in shorts and a tee shirt.
No heavy clothing, no sweatshirts, no sweats etc.
Shorts and a tee shirt.
Drink water during practice.
Drink water after practice.
Convert ALL of your liquids to water.
Soda to water.
Juice to water.
Gatorade to water.
Pedialyte to water.
I don’t like water.
You don’t like winning then.
You said you would do anything to win.
Learn to like water.
There are no other beverages. Period.
If you want to make up the difference you start here.
If you really want to get serious research the benefits of high PH Alkaline water and only drink that.
There should never be a time where you are dehydrated. EVER.
This one simple adjustment will be the BIGGEST difference you can make that will separate you and your opponent.
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November 2, 2016
I am My Father’s Son
If Heaven gives out day passes, my father is sure to use his tonight.
If there was one event he would want to see, the one event he didn’t get to see, it would be to witness the Cubs win the World Series.
One might ask if he was a Cubs fan all of his life?
That answer would be, no.
One might fall into the trap of calling him a front runner, a fair weather fan, then.
He was actually the exact opposite.
You see, for the longest time he rooted for the Red Sox to win the World Series.
Each and every year he would say – “This is the year.”
And when the Red Sox finally did win, when it became vogue to be a Sox fan, that is when he jumped ship and became a Cubs fan.
You see, my father was an underdog fan.
I wouldn’t call him a gambler, that would infer he bet on the favorites at times.
No, I would call him a speculator, someone who believed in defying the odds.
The longer the odds the better.
He wanted to see the improbable, the impossible, the never seen before, never done before – happen.
He most definitely will be using his day pass, if heaven offers one, to witness Game 7 between the Cubs and Indians tonight because he gets to have his cake and eat it too.
With 176 combined years without a World Series Championship tonight – either the Cubs or the Indians are guaranteed to do something that hasn’t been done in a long time.
And no matter which team wins, my father will still have an underdog to root for.
At the end of the night, when his day pass is up, my father will go back to heaven either having witnessed the Cubs win the World Series, or having to put in for another day pass at some time in the future.
For that reason I say – Go Tribe.
There are two things I know to be true. The first being, I know my father will be here to witness this game tonight.
And the second, I know I am my father’s son.
I too, believe this is the year.
I too, believe in the improbable, the unlikely, the impossible.
And I too, will go to the end of the earth to witness it happening.
September 5, 2016
The Worlds Deepest Pit
Chapter 2 – Divinely Orchestrated Chaos
When you come to the edge
Of all the light you know,
And are about to step off
Into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid to stand on
Or you will be taught how to fly.
Barbara J Winter
My inspiration for venturing outside with Jess and taking her on a walk came from watching the Netflix movie, “Fundamentals of a Caregiver.”
In the story, thirty-something-year-old Ben Benjamin, who is an author who no longer writes and a father who no longer has a family, has taken a job as a caregiver to a teenage boy named Trevor, who has Muscular Dystrophy and is confined to a wheelchair.
Both Ben and Trevor share the commonality of not living in the present.
Ben can not comprehend the events of his past.
The loss of his young son has paralyzed his life.
Trevor can not comprehend his foreboding future; and the random and unfairness of it all.
They both are in a bad place in their lives.
Each is in a grief ditch, one in which neither can seem to climb out of.
With each passing day, grief deepens their respective ditches in their lives.
The statistics of Trevor’s disease say his health will progressively get worse, and ultimately he will die a premature death.
Ben has been dead ever since he lost his son.
The universe has orchestrated chaotic events to bring each into the others lives.
Ironically, more out of need than design, Ben has taken a job to take care of another human being when it is quite obvious that he can hardly take care of himself.
Trevor, who all has but succumbed to his fate and demise has allowed Ben to see the vast difference between merely existing and truly being alive.
After months of taking care of Trevor; waking him up at the same time, bathing, stretching and dressing him the same way, preparing the same meal for him to eat while watching the same TV show within the same four walls each day, Ben frustratingly asked Trevor,
“Don’t you get tired of all this? Doing the same thing each day.”
He continued, “This isn’t living. This is existing. Don’t you want to go somewhere, do something?”
Trevor then reveals to Ben his map of roadside attractions that he has privately kept.
Ben notices one roadside attraction is circled, with a big star near it he asks Trevor, “What’s this one?”
“That is the The Worlds Deepest Pit,” he says.
He adds that he’s drawn to the name because of how depressing it sounds.
“Wouldn’t it be great to take a road trip and see it in in person?” Ben asks.
Which they do.
After traveling for days across the country, they finally arrive at the “The Worlds Deepest Pit.”
They climb the steps to the tower and look over the guard rail down into the “Worlds Biggest Pit,” and a funny thing happens.
They prepared to look into the darkness of an abyss and unexpectedly the magnificence of the universe appeared instead.
To their surprise, the “Worlds Biggest Pit” is filled with pristine aqua blue water.
They are mesmerized by what they see.
Time stands still.
Their only desire is to appreciate the moment.
Ben no longer carries the burden of his past while Trevor lets go of his fear of the future.
Having a sick child is much like being on a journey to the “Worlds Deepest Pit.”
When one looks into the abyss, the absolute worst in life, expecting only to see ruin and destruction, life’s beauty is revealed instead.
The journey has a way of making both the past and future inconsequential, compared to the magnificene of this moment.
I have looked over the guard rail of my life a couple of times in my journey with the “Worlds Biggest Pit,” and each time when I saw no foundation for my footing for my next step, a single stair miraculously appeared.
“Divinely Orchestrated Chaos,” the 4th book in the “Every Breath is Gold” series will be released in October 2016.
1 chapter per day will be posted on this blog, and the complete book can be read online.
Paperback copies can be pre-ordered for only $12.99 (which includes shipping) and will be delivered as soon as the book is officially released in October.
eBook versions (Kindle, iBook) will be available upon the book release.
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September 4, 2016
The Best of Sport
Some of the greatest moments in life occur when the Venn diagram of Sports and Humanity congruently overlap.
Such was the case yesterday in the Nebraska vs Fresno State college football game.
In July, Nebraska punter Sam Foltz was killed in a car crash.
In their first 4th down situation of the year, Nebraska coach Mike Riley sent 10 players onto the field.
A punter didn’t join them.
Nebraska lined up in the “missing man” punt formation and took a delay of game penalty to honor their lost teammate.
Fresno State declined the penalty.
August 12, 2016
What Do You Do If It Happens To You?
An Inspirational Essay On How To Recover From A Life-Changing Event
Download FREE on
Every day there is a person in this world who is the unfortunate recipient of an injustice so tragic, so unimaginable, so unfair, so incomprehensible that it will break your heart to witness.
Someone always seems to have their dream shattered, trampled upon right in front of our us. Something will go awry and so off the tracks that everything that person worked for their whole life, dreamed of, sacrificed for will be unfairly and unjustifiably taken from them.
Snatched from them.
Stolen from them.
Fortunately, with over 3 billion people in the world the odds of it happening to you are pretty slim.
Death, a divorce, a diagnosis, a random act of violence.
They always happen to other people.
Right?
But what do you do if it does happen to you?
Hidden in the words of this powerful 16-page essay, which is written to its proper length, is the game plan on how to recover from one of these life-changing events.
Written with firsthand experience from a Life-Changing Events Club member.
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August 9, 2016
6 Mailboxes
Walking helps me write.
Writing helps me understand.
I have never walked the 500 mile Camino de Santiago in Spain like so many writers seeking to find themselves do.
Nor, have I ever walked the 1,560 mile Pacific Coast Trail like Cheryl Stayed did when she wrote “Wild.”
But the other day I did walk 6 mailboxes.
Me on foot, pushing Jess in her wheelchair.
It was the first time in seven years, other than going to or from a hospital, that she has been part of the outside world.
The first time that she has felt the warmth of the sun.
Or the coolness of a breeze.
Or heard a bird sing, or a plane fly by.
Many people go on thousand mile excursions to become one with the universe and to find themselves.
I only needed to walk 6 mailboxes in my own neighborhood.
Granted it took me 7 years and every ounce of energy I could muster up to accomplish this.
6 mailboxes don’t seem like a journey to most.
Believe me, it is the furthest I have ever traveled in my life.
And it was more grueling and required more endurance than if I ran a triathlon, every day, for each and every day of the last 7 years.
No, I didn’t find the meaning to life on the Camino de Santiago, or the Pacific Coast Trail, like most others do.
I found it on Victoria Lane.
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