JohnA Passaro's Blog, page 38
August 27, 2017
Courage & Compassion
And without compassion courage has no direction.
It is within our power,
and the world requires of us, of every one of us, that we be both good and strong.
Eric Gretiens
The Heart and the Fist.
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August 12, 2017
Who Mentors Who?
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Today, I had the honor of appearing with Frankie Walz on Shannon Stiles radio show called “Successful Living” out of Wichita Kansas.
It was a wonderful experience, both Frankie and I are very grateful to Shannon and her husband Scott for the opportunity.
In part of the interview, we discussed why Frankie and I came in each other’s lives.
Who was it for?
Did I come into Frankie’s life for him, or did he come into my life for me?
Who really mentors whom?
I believe the Universe put us in each other’s lives for one another.
It was asked, “Who really mentors who?”
And the answer is I get just as much in return by mentoring Frankie as he gets by my mentorship.
It is a mutual mentorship.
To tell a little synchronistic story, (I love spotting synchronicity.)
As we were waiting for the interview to begin – Frankie says to me,
“My middle name is Eugene, people always call me Frankie – but I think I’m going to go with FrankE instead.”
I took it as the highest gesture of thanks he could have given me.
But actually, I strive to be more like him
Here is the complete interview.
Successful Living can be listened to on KQAM in Kansas and watched on Facebook Live at 9 am EST on Saturday mornings.
“Successful Living” with Shannon Stiles
The Interview starts at the 3:17 mark.
Just 1 Win – The Frankie Walz Story
All of JohnA Passaro’s published works are available at these fine online stores:
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August 5, 2017
Unwilling to Quit
Cut me where you have to cut me,
I guarantee you if you don’t kill me,
You won’t stop me.
You got to take my life
Before you take my will.
Inky Johnson
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What makes one man quit and another fight?
That is the dominating thought on my mind as I enter a gymnasium to watch a wrestling tournament.
I still haven’t come to terms with the answer to my question the Universe keeps giving me to my question as what is the right thing to do for Jess, so, I keep asking it.
I am most at home inside a hot, stinky, crowded gym watching wrestling.
It is where I do my best thinking.
It is the reason I am here today.
As I head up the bleachers, I step over sleeping wrestlers in between steps, I squeeze through crowded aisles on my quest to the top row where I attempt to obtain the most secluded seat that I can while having the wall as my backrest.
I find the perfect spot.
I am now able to overlook the whole gymnasium, to take it all in and think.
I know what I am looking for. I know what it is that I came to see.
If you watch closely, you can see it happen in every wrestling tournament.
A match where one wrestler fights and another decides to quit.
A match between two evenly matched wrestlers where one wrestler breaks the others will.
A match where one wrestler convinces his opponent that he will not win and his opponent believes him and he stops trying.
An experienced eye can pick up the exact moment when it happens.
It may happen after one wrestler gets shut down after a relentless offensive pursuit. Or gives up points on the line, or on a cheap tilt or allows his opponent to score with short time, or come out on the wrong side of an extraordinary scramble, or he lets a bad call affect his focus and his mental state.
Whenever and however it happens, the shift in the effort by one wrestler is dramatic.
A once tight score suddenly gets blown open.
A wrestler who was once defending all of his opponent’s shots at length, all of a sudden, can no longer defend any of the same shots he so valiantly defended just a minute earlier.
What happened?
Why is one wrestler now putting on a takedown clinic verse the other?
Did all of a sudden one wrestler lose all of his talents?
Did all of a sudden one wrestler lose all of his training?
Did all of a sudden one wrestler lose all of his experience?
No, one wrestler lost all of his will.
It happens in a blink of an eye.
The wrestler who quits lets the circumstances of the match convince him that he can not win.
When a wrestler reaches this point, there may be time left on the clock, but the match is over.
There is no more try.
The wrestler has traded try for resignation.
He is resigned to the fact that he will not win.
With try still left in the tank he has predetermined his fate.
He is being let up and taken down at will.
It gets so bad that his opponent is attempting to let him up, only for the wrestler to stay down and not turn and face him because he knows what is coming.
Another takedown.
He is resigned to stay down, to not attempt.
His goal has changed from winning to having the match end.
The one wrestler has convinced himself that resignation is less painful than trying.
In every tournament, one can also find a match where one wrestler, no matter the circumstances, is unwilling to quit.
It usually goes like this.
A wrestler is facing an opponent in which he is overmatched.
The overmatched wrestler gets thrown to his back and fights off of his back for the whole first period only to be immediately put to his back again in the 2nd period; in order to fight some more.
While on his back fighting for his survival, he hears the crowd whisper, “It’s over.”
He continues to fight anyway.
Every time the overmatched wrestler’s shoulder blades get near the mat he somehow miraculously surges them, to stay alive even though the likelihood of a comeback is remote.
That doesn’t matter to him.
What matters more to this overmatched wrestler is that he is forever unwilling to quit.
He is unwilling to surrender his will.
He is unwilling to listen to the wrong voices instructing him to take the path of least resistance, to resign and relax for just a second.
Which, would end the match.
Instead, he continues to fight through the pain.
He is unwilling to be defeated due to a lack of try.
After spending two periods on his back the overmatched wrestler faces a third period.
He has choice between top, bottom and neutral.
He evaluates his options and realizes there is not one option where he has a favorable outcome.
The realization doesn’t faze him.
He chooses the top position.
He is immediately reversed and put on his back.
He has just fought off his back for the last four minutes, and now he faces another two more grueling minutes.
The rational thought would say it would be easier to just ease up for a fraction of a second and allow his shoulder blades to graze the mat ever so slightly, for a fall.
It would all be over then.
No one would blame him; he was overmatched.
But there is something inside the over matched wrestler that is unwilling to listen to rationale.
He is unwilling to listen to the voice which will lead him to defeat.
He survives the first minute of the third period, his fifth minute on his back.
It took every ounce of energy he had, just to survive.
Just to face more pain.
His chance of winning the match has gone from improbable to near impossible.
It would be very easy for him to end it all; just collapse his shoulders, and the match would be over.
But something inside of him just can’t.
Something inside is unwilling.
From his back, he glances up at the clock and sees that he has another minute left to fight.
He is out of energy.
He is beyond believing he will win the match.
He feels his shoulders nearing the mat; they are as close to the mat as they have been all match.
He is determined to keep his shoulders above the mat.
Somehow, he reaches down and taps into a reservoir of strength he never knew existed.
He is unwilling to allow his hard work to go for naught.
The crowd takes notice of his effort and starts to root for him not to get pinned.
:10, :09, :08 they start counting down the seconds left in the match.
:03, :02, :01 :00 – a loud ovation erupts from the crowd.
The wrestler who has spent the last six minutes on his back untangles himself from his opponent and heads back to the circle.
The crowd is on their feet applauding.
Not for the victor, but for him.
For his effort.
For his refusal to allow circumstances to dictate his effort.
The referee raises his opponent’s hand.
The over matched wrestler’s opponent storms off the mat as if he lost the match – disgruntled because he didn’t get the pin.
The over matched wrestler who fought for six minutes off of his back is embraced by his teammates and coaches.
They swarm him as if he had won the match.
Because he has.
His will made him fight.
His will made him survive.
His will made him unwilling.
Unwilling to give in.
Unwilling to take the path of least resistance.
Unwilling to be broken.
Unwilling to quit.
What makes one wrestler fight and another wrestler give up?
Is it talent?
It is not talent; it is something much more reliable than talent.
Is it training?
It is not training; it is something much more valuable than training.
Is it experience?
It is not experience; it is something much more invisible than experience.
It is will.
And it can’t be taught, only discovered.
When one is willing to fight, fear is destroyed.
As fear is afraid of a fight.
Wrestling is life.
There are times in life where circumstances will be presented to you and you will have a decision to make.
Will you predetermine that you are unable to win, and become resigned not to try?
To live a broken life?
Or will you be unwilling to quit – No matter what.
Which wrestler do you want to be?
Do you want to be the wrestler who still had try left in his tank, but quit or the over matched wrestler who used up all his try, and didn’t?
I ask myself what type of person do I want to be?
I got my answer.
I was once told that the type of wrestler I was will be the kind of man I will be.
I was never pinned as a wrestler and I’m surely not going to let life pin me now
I got what I came here to see.
Like I said earlier, I do my best thinking in a wrestling gym.
I get up from my seat, step over a few sleeping wrestlers, squeeze through the crowded aisle and I leave the gym.
I leave the gym with my shoulders ever so slightly higher than they were when I arrived due to a renewed unwillingness to quit no matter what the circumstances are in my life,
This is a chapter excerpt from my upcoming book called
“Serendipity – A Divinely Orchestrated Journey”
Which is the 4th Book in the “Every Breath is Gold Series”
And will be released on August 21st, 2017
Click to read the first chapters of:
Book 1 – 6 Minutes Wrestling with Life
Book 2 – Again
Book 3 – Your Soul Knows
Book 4 – Serendipity – A Divinely Orchestrated Journey
August 1, 2017
The Integrity of the Sport – by Cory Steiner
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For some reason, the International Olympic Committee put wrestling on their drop-list for 2020 to eliminate wrestling from the Olympics after 2016.
Wrestling is a core Olympic sport not only because of the tradition that dates back to the Ancient Greeks but also because the core values that create a world-class wrestler in the first place are perfectly consistent with the original intent of the Olympics.
Maybe a personal example can illustrate how my experience extrapolated over thousands (or more) of others has an impact that reaches much farther than the IOC currently realizes.
I finally got around to wrestling in 11th grade. Coming from a huge wrestling area in Pennsylvania with remarkable athletes, coaches, parents and some very engaged teachers, starting at age 16 was starting kind of late. A win completely escaped that entire first year. A few teammates would encourage the summer tournament scene where much of the competition was the best there was. There was something intrinsic about the pursuit even though “throwing me to the wolves” like that was pretty funny at times.
There were some minor successes the following year in high school and I really felt the need to continue.
I didn’t yet know why, but would soon discover that wrestling initiated a chain of events similar to the path of countless others.
I had the honor of being able to continue after high school, but couldn’t quite close the gap between my motivation and (lack of) skill. Being exposed to the inner workings of greatness, though, had a magical effect. I noticed that the top wrestlers shared the same exact characteristics of humility, intelligence, and integrity.
There was simply a culture of ethics that created a champion on the mat as well as off; a culture that’s hard to replicate elsewhere that highlights how persistent people begin their success right where others end in failure.
Having seen the results of good values had me searching for how to acquire them for myself.
The next logical step was Marine Corps Officer Candidate School where it all came together.
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Specifically, leadership (as learned from the best) can be defined by the following:
Set an Example
Keep Your Word
Have the Courage to Stand Up for What’s Right
Be on Time
Do the Job Without Being Told
Be Friendly and Respectful
Treat Everyone Equally
Be Enthusiastic and Let Others Do What They Do Best
Be Neat and Clean
Share Unpleasant Tasks
Put the Needs of Others Before Your Own
Privately Correct Others When They’re Wrong
Help Someone Who’s in Trouble
Weigh the Facts With Good Judgment
Corruption, greed, and depravity do seem to be the norm of today, but maybe that’s because not enough have seen the results of good ethics, solid values and total honesty firsthand. The Olympic values of unity, sportsmanship, and human decency that transcend politics, race, nationality, and economics are at risk; but that doesn’t mean that everyone needs to participate in their demise.
Probably not much one can do about the whims of a governing body, but wrestlers at every level can continue to demonstrate the character that defines them.
Maybe, wrestling should drop the Olympics and maintain its own clarity of purpose making it impervious to anyone’s drop-list.
We might just find that the Olympics needs wrestling more than wrestling needs the Olympics.
The most important thing of all, though, is to support local youth and school programs to build leadership from the ground up so that debacles like this will eventually resolve themselves or not even happen in the first place.
The world clearly needs wrestling now more than ever and the challenge ahead is likely the greatest opportunity of all.
Some say that wrestling’s a throwback, but it’s truly the ultimate throw-forward to what we all need to restore.
The above article was written by Cory Steiner
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READ THE 1st CHAPTER
July 29, 2017
Give Everything or Get Nothing
Most people have what it takes but they are not willing to give everything they got.
You see when you give everything you got, there will be a time where you have nothing left and you are vulnerable.
I attest that it is in that state of vulnerability that desperation arises. I
Giving everything creates desperation. Desperation creates a relentless action to overcoming obstacles.
It takes a feeling of desperation to know you have given everything, that you have nothing left, and you need to get back everything you gave and more.
Don’t hold back.
Not even a little.
Give everything.
Without giving everything,
You get nothing;
You just get to keep the little you didn’t give.
More from JohnA Passaro
July 25, 2017
My Eyes
BettyJane has been Jessies primary caregiver 24 hours a day, for 365 days a year for nearly eight years.
Every second of every day of every year she has been there.
During those eight years there have been only three occasions where she has taken A break for a few days and got away.
Right now she is on one of those well deserved breaks as she is in Florida visiting her brother.
She is happy about that.
She isn’t happy that we can’t make the visit together.
In order for her to be able to get away requires for me to stay back home and be with Jess.
It is bittersweet for her.
Obviously she wants to enjoy her visit but her heart is tugged on constantly as she wants to be able to be on that visit together, as a family.
One day.
For now, She understands the give and take of sacrifice and living life we make for one another and is grateful and appreciative as one can be.
As so am I.
We have learned to be each other’s eyes when the other is not able to see.
So for the last few nights my eyes have been able to see the most beautiful Florida sunsets as she has sent me 20 or so pictures of the sun setting. The first starting out with the sun high in the sky and the 20th with the sun dissolving into the Atlantic.
Watching the sun rise and set, stopping my life for a few moments and taking in the beauty of the Universe has been my thing over the last few years.
My eyes have seen many beautiful sunsets, but none have touched me any more than these.
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July 4, 2017
Being
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Almost all of my life I was always going. Doing. Figuring.
Becoming. Striving. Driving.
I’ve reached a point now where I am being. Listening. Observing. Absorbing. Understanding.
I’ve realized the very things that limit you also allow you to become limitless.
And when you slow down, the things you were once searching for, have a way of finding you.
June 29, 2017
Train to Win “The Summer Heat” Wrestling Tournament
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Train to win The Summer Heat wrestling tournament with private lessons with New York State champs Maverick & Travis Passaro.
Build Belief, Confidence, and Technique.
Become a Point Scoring Machine – Watch your tech’s skyrocket.
Dominate on Top
Match strategy
Analysis of matches
Will Coach you @ Summer Heat Tournament
All Ages. All experience levels.
Limited availability.
For details
Email – johnapassaro@icloud.com
Call/text: JohnA Passaro 631-807-3266.
June 23, 2017
How Do I Get College Programs to Notice My Son?
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Recently, the question “How do I get college programs to notice my son?” was asked on a local wrestling forum.
The question had me thinking for days.
Here is my answer – it is a two part answer.
The second part will be more important than the first.
My answer is not intended to slight or degrade any person or program. Please do not read between the lines. This is only meant to guide a family looking to find the right fit for their student athlete. When I refer to son, I am also referring to daughters as well.
First, to be noticed by a college in wrestling you will need to consistently place in the following events:
FLO Nationals, Fargo, Super 32, NHSCA, High School State Tournament, Eastern States (for NY Wrestlers), and other major national wrestling tournaments.
You win/place consistently, they will come.
The earlier in your high school career, the better.
Accolades in your Freshmen year will get you on the radar.
Accolades in your sophomore year will get you on the short list.
Accolades in your Junior year will get you exactly what you are looking for.
Accolades in your Senior year will get you scratching your head.
That is because they will occur AFTER the signing period for the most part.
I once asked a major coach what he saw in a certain wrestler and his answer was simply “He wins.”
Now for the second part, which is the more important part.
I believe the right question to ask is not “How do I get college programs to notice my son”, but rather “What do you notice about a college program that would want you to trust a college program with your son?”
I believe, it is not about a coach finding you – it is about you finding a coach.
The formula is quite simple, the execution is difficult.
College wrestling is about one thing – coaching.
There is no right or wrong coach for everyone.
Your goal is to place your son with the best college coach for him no matter what division – D1, D2, D3.
It doesn’t matter.
What matters is that you change your thinking. You are not interviewing for a position, you are the Interviewer. You are the one seeking out what you want, not the other way around.
What matters is that you pick the coach/program that will make your son better.
A better wrestler.
A better young man.
What matters is that you pick a college coach/program that will teach your son to set a goal, to work hard and to commit himself to achieve that goal; to be in pursuit of greatness. His greatness, which is different for every person. All, while being happy and loving the sport more than when he started at the program.
What matters is the coach you select will instill confidence and inspire your son to levels you and he never thought possible.
What matters is the program will breed a sense of family and belonging.
What matters is you match your son with the right motivation methods that are best for him to succeed.
There are coaches who attempt to motivate with a carrot and there are coaches who attempt to motivate with a stick.
Determine which motivation method will develop your son the best.
Do not attempt to place a wrestler who has a carrot personality with a coach who motivates with a stick.
It will not work.
There is a difference between Terry Brands and Cael Sanderson. Both are extremely successful. But I would venture to say they recruit a different type of wrestling personality. I don’t believe that David Taylor would have been as successful wrestling for Coach Brands just as much as I believe Tony Ramos wouldn’t have become Tony Ramos wrestling for Coach Sanderson. Just as I believe Kyven Gadson became a NCAA Champion because he wrestled for Kevin Jackson – whom I believe was the right coach for him.
So how do you know which program/coach is the right fit for your son?
Unfortunately, the honest answer is that you won’t completely know.
But you can have a much better chance of getting the fit right by inspecting a few things.
First, start out with the roster of the program over the last 5 years.
Compare it year over year.
Inspect the roster to see the turnover rate. How many wrestlers left the program?
Why?
Ask those questions.
Ask them to the coach and ask them to the wrestlers who left.
Yes, this requires some work but it is a major event in your son’s life, it will be worth the effort to get the right fit.
Secondly, look at the hometowns of the wrestlers on the roster.
Are they all from the same state? Are you part of that state?
Understand that the number one obstacle of most college wrestling coaches is attendance. Understand that people go to wrestling matches to watch wrestlers they know and have followed for most of their careers. When talent is even, the coach will go with the local wrestler to fill the stands. It is just human nature.
Third, on the roster look for familiar names.
Did they improve during their time there, or did they underachieve?
Remember underachieving is a two-way street. Underachieving means that the fit was not right for either the wrestler or the coach, or both. How often has this happened?
Now look for wrestlers that you know who overachieved.
This is due to the fit being right for both the wrestler and the coach.
How many times did this happen? Is there a pattern, a style or personality of wrestler who underachieves or overachieves in the program? Does your son fit the pattern?
Next, you need to determine the most important thing. Do you believe the coach/program will be committed to developing your son through the good and bad or will they be the first to say “Next”?
The biggest difference between high school and college wrestling is that the high school wrestling coach has to develop the wrestlers in their room.
The college coach does not.
The college coach has an endless supply of wrestlers waiting for an opportunity.
The right coach/program will commit to developing their wrestlers and understands that the journey is not always on path and will not reflexively say “Next” at the first sign of adversity.
Communicate with a wrestler who was injured during his time at the program.
How was he treated? This is how your son will be treated. Are you OK with that?
Next, determine the belief level of the prospective coach/program.
This – you have to keep an open eye too.
You need to watch matches of the program you are considering.
Watch the body language of the coaches. Is it obvious that they have given up on any wrestler?
Watch the coaching style, watch the communication style.
The answers will all be there.
Can you see your son growing under the coaching style?
Now inspect the football and basketball teams of the school you are considering.
With little exception (Cornell and Edinboro are two that come to mind), the stronger the football and basketball teams are from the school, the better the program will be.
Why?
It is quite simple.
The money is made by the school in football and basketball.
I’m not saying that a school can’t have a successful wrestling program without a good football or basketball team.
They can.
But they don’t.
This is, unfortunately, a pattern that runs true.
Money for a sports program will be generated and shared by the football and basketball programs. This is an important factor, don’t overlook it.
Next, consider the job placement history of the program.
Ultimately, this is what it is all about. Ask if there is such a history in the program.
If not, why not?
One last observation.
If you want to be noticed – be a better student than you are an athlete.
The best part of the absolute increase in talent coming out of Long Island the last few years has been their ability to parlay their accolades into a quality “turbo-boosted” education; being able to attend schools they may not have had the chance of attending without wrestling.
I could go on and on…
Remember you are the one doing the interviewing.
Determine what you are looking for and get your answers.
Then trust that the answers that you get will be the future environment in which your son will develop.
You determine the right fit as best as you can.
So, ultimately, the right question is not how to get a college program to notice your son, the right question that should be asked is “What do you notice about a college program that would want you to send your son there for 5 of the most important years of his life?”
Once you have figured this out, the rest is easy.
RELATED ARTICLE
Read The First 3 Chapters Online
Be Incapable of Discouragement
One of the greatest assets in my life, other than my family and friends has been the sport of wrestling.
It has made me into the person I am today.
A person who can handle whatever adversity life throws at me.
The disciplines of wrestling are impactful on a young athlete’s life.
At first, one wrestles to win championships.
Then, after many years, one realizes it wasn’t the pursuit of championships that wrestling was all about –wrestling is about preparing you for life.
I owe a great deal to this sport, that is why I write about it so passionately.
I have written about the sport in my memoirs,
“6 Minutes Wrestling with Life,” “Again,” and “Your Soul Knows,” and I continue to write about it in this blog.
This book is a compilation of all my writing on the sport.
The book is designed to be read like each chapter is a short story, separate from one another.
Chapters can be read in order or randomly, that is your preference.
The first fifteen stories originate from my blog, and the last thirteen chapters, starting with “Overtime or Over Time?” are excerpts from my memoirs.
I felt it was necessary to compile all my writing of this great sport under one cover.
The chapters that are excerpts of my other books have been slightly edited to preserve the integrity of the story they come from.
I hope you enjoy reading “Wrestling Writing,” as much as I have enjoyed living it.
JohnA
March 17, 2017
Angels on a Train
I need a sign
To let me know you’re here.
Cause my TV set keeps it all from being clear.
I want a reason
For the way, things have to be.
I need a hand
To help build up some hope inside of me.
Train
Calling All Angels
[image error]People will come in and out of your life like passengers traveling on a train.
And it always seems like everyone is traveling to the same destination as you are.
Until you realize they are not.
Everyone is on his or her own journey.
People can and will get off the train at any stop.
There will be a few people in your life that will make the whole trip with you, who believe in you, accept that you are human and understand that mistakes will be made along the way and that you will get to your desired destination together – no matter what.
Be very grateful for these people, for they are rare.
When you find one, don’t ever let go.
Be very wary of people sneaking on at certain stops when things are going well and acting like they have been there for the whole ride.
For they will be the first to depart.
There will be people who secretly try to get off the ride, and there will be those that very publicly will jump off.
Don’t pay any heed to the defectors.
Just know where and how people get off is more of a reflection on them, than it is on you.
Be blessed for the ones who get on at the worst stops when everyone else is departing.
For they are special.
Always hold them dear to your heart.
For they are the important ones.
Embrace them.
Welcome them.
Pay close attention to them.
They are there to make sure you complete your journey and arrive at your destination.
And when you do, you will look up to smile at them, to thank them…
And they will be gone.
For their job will have been done.
For they are not defectors – they are angels.
Just know a piece of them will remain with you forever.
If you ever have the opportunity to be that person who has a chance to walk into someone’s life when everyone else is walking out, embrace it, relish it.
For it is one of the most important roles you can have in someone else’s life – to be their angel.
Angels on a Train
Is an excerpt of
“A Good Man”
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