Pamela Ribon's Blog: the latest from pamie.com, page 3

Something For Everyone (Because this IS home.)

Over the past month I’ve had two encounters where I’ve been talking with friends I haven’t seen in a while — both of whom I know outside the industry but work inside it — when they said to me, “I thought you went home.”

“No, no, I’ve always been here,” I said.

“You didn’t go home and then come back?” Both of them said that, with a cock of the head. “I could’ve sworn I’d heard you left.”

Both of these people are Facebook friends, which pulls from my Twitter feed. This means I’m not doing a very g...

Is It Friday Yet?

I’ve started a new screenwriting job that has me working at an office.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been a part of corporate culture. I worried it had been too long since I worked business hours with normal people, having co-workers who didn’t have tails or wear diapers. I worried not for me, but for them. It’s been a very long time since going to work means I have to put on pants.

Sure, I had the regular meetings where I have to look nice for an hour or two. This transformation always shoc...

What Day Is It?

I just saw I haven’t updated here since late March and now it’s May. Other than the year I took off, I haven’t ever missed a month in the history of pamie.com. [That one unlinked month will drive all my OCD readers crazy. I'm extra sorry about that!]

So first: apologies. It has been a crazy month. There’s the baby, of course, who fills in any available space and time as Qwerty has moved from an adorable lump of flesh with needs to an adorable drooling lump of flesh with needs who makes eye con...

What Passes For Intelligent Conversation Around Here Lately

MOM
I was playing with the baby and I can’t remember the toes song.

PAMIE
“This Little Piggy”?

MOM
Yeah.

PAMIE
Well, it’s not a song.

MOM
Fine, sure. But I said, “This little piggy went to market. But this little piggy didn’t go anywhere.”

PAMIE
Yeah, that’s not quite right. But he did stay home. And then one of them had roast beef, which now suddenly seems really weird.

MOM
Right? That’s weird.

PAMIE
Cannibalism.

MOM
…Pamie. Roast beef isn’t made from pigs.

PAMIE
… Right. Right, I knew that.

MOM
It’s...

Mom Changed Her E-Mail Address

“Mom, you sent me a blank e-mail.”

“No, I didn’t. I sent the people an e-mail, and I said it was from my new e-mail address.”

“Yes, but you put all that in the subject line. Then you open up the e-mail and it’s blank.”

“Well, if they want to know anything else that’s going on, they’ll have to write me back!”

We Need a Word

For when you’re nursing your child and your mom stands super close to watch it while she chats, and then she gets so caught up in the moment that she leans in and kisses the baby’s head, just centimeters away from your bare breast.

Because that is what happened to me yesterday.

Oh, does that not happen to you on a Thursday? Then I guess maybe we don’t need a whole word for it. Maybe just a therapy session.

What That New Mom Sitting Across From You At Lunch Was Probably Thinking

Oh, this is nice. I’m outside.

I’M OUTSIDE.

I’M OUTSIDE! WOO!

Yes, I’m outside, with my friend, like a real lady and I am going to have some lunch. A lunch date! Oh, I’m on a lunch date with my friend like I’m a real, live, normal person. This is fantastic.

She’s been talking. My friend is definitely talking right there. I should probably pay attention.

Man, it’s pretty outside. I forgot how nice life is when you’re around it. Look at all these people, just having lunch. Enjoying their day. People...

Reasons You Would Have Found Me Crying Lately

1. I’m watching the Beyonce documentary.

2. It’s 3:30 in the morning and I’m on my third shirt because I’ll never not be covered in someone else’s body fluids ever again.

3. Decaf is bullshit.

4. It’s pretty outside and I am inside.

5. There’s this documentary about happiness but at one point there’s a segment on suicide in Japan and there’s a clip of all these Japanese mothers singing a song about their sons being gone and IT IS THE SADDEST THING IN THE WORLD.

5a. Technically, there are two thing...

Hey, Pamie: “How Do I Not Give the Fuck Up When Other People Get What I Want?”

It’s that time of year when networks are ordering pilots. This means tv writers are sitting around anxiously waiting to find out which scripts they’ll be viciously hate-reading.

This brings us nicely to the latest Weekly Procrastination.

Pamie, my question to you is this:

Please tell us some self talk you use to keep on keepin’ on. What are some of the things you suggest we say to ourselves when the self-doubt niggles in? Thoughts like: we’re not as funny as we think we are, or how so many writ...

Why Moms Are Here

People like to say, “I bet your mom is so excited to be a grandmother. What did she do when she found out you were having a baby?”

“Oh. She immediately put her house on the market.”

And they laugh. They laugh and laugh. “That would be so funny,” they chuckle.

I don’t say anything. I don’t have to. You can see it in my face, my tired eyes, my worried hair.

Their laughter fades away. They whisper, “Oh, you weren’t kidding.”

“No.”

“Your mom…”

“Sold her house.”

“WHEN?”

“Recently.”

“And she’s moving…”

“Here....