Leslie Glass's Blog, page 343

So Your Teen Is _________ Here’s How To Deal

Kids say and do the darnedest things, but teens take it up a notch. Our teen’s choice in partners, schools, work, and recreation will at some point rock the boat. As parents, we want what’s best for them. If they would listen to us, we could save them from so much pain. Alas, they won’t. Here are some ways we can accept our teen’s choice, and some ways we can actually make our relationship worse.

Our Teen’s Choice Isn’t Our Choice

This is such a difficult concept for parents to grasp. Against our wishes and better judgement, our teens are likely to do or at least try any number of these things:

Dating & Marriage. Maybe they are LGBTQ. Maybe they are heterosexual. Perhaps they won’t ever get married or produce the number of grandchild we want. She or he might have children without a spouse, or become sexually active before we want them to.
Change religions. Some teens will deny their religious upbringing while others are likely to embrace a new faith or marry outside of the family’s religion.
College and career choices. They may not go to our alma matter or even be accepted there. They may enter the workforce or travel the country for a year.
Dabbling in drugs and alcohol. This one’s particularly scary, especially if we have been affected by addiction.

As parents, it is so very important to respond in a positive manner. While for some parents, our teen’s choice may not be a surprise, others may feel blind-sighted with this revelation. Either way, when our hopes and dreams for the child veer off course, we’re likely to feel:

Sadness
Disappointment
Anger, and
Perhaps, even disgust.

So What To Do?

First, have an open dialogue. Open listening is the most important aspect in any conflict. The child needs to know he or she is loved and accepted because if not, this will create a very difficult path for them.

Second, get up to speed. Don’t be surprised if your child has already done significant research about his or her decision (except in the case of addiction). You can get a better understanding by immediately doing your own research.

Third, accepting their choice may be difficult for you, so aim for damage control. Trying to prove your child wrong or demand he or she conforms to your will isn’t likely to help. It almost always pushes your child away.

Here Are Some Things NOT To Say

“Are you sure?” They may not be, but this is something for your teen to figure out.  Saying this makes the child feel you are questioning their thoughts and feelings. Also, it is seen as a negative comment regarding your own preferences for the teen’s life.
“Don’t tell your… ( dad, grandmother, brother, etc.).” This is a slap in the face and starts a spiral of shame.
“You’re breaking my heart.” This puts undo shame and responsibility on the child. As parents, we are responsible for our own feelings.
“Who have you told?” Underlying this statement is also shame for the parent is looking to control; i.e, “I hope the neighbors, your coach, etc., don’t already know and maybe we can keep this a secret.”
“You’re too young to know.” Letting children go is tough at any age. They might be wrong, but teenage and young adulthood is the age-appropriate time for making mistakes.
“God/Allah/Jesus… will punish you for this is a sin.” Using religion to control behavior is punishing by shame. It doesn’t work and often only drives a wedge between your child and yourself and his or her support group. This is a horribly inappropriate thing to say to the teen as he/she/they already know your views and this makes them feel even worse about the status. Punishing by shaming does not work. Sending them back to church/mosque/synagogue and making them read religious texts about the sinfulness will only cause greater harm.
“You are banned from this house and we do not acknowledge you as our child.” How horrific that a parent would ban a child and unfortunately, this still happens frequently. This will likely strain your relationship for life.

What You Can Say

To be honest, your teen’s choice has just thrown you a curve ball. It’s OK to take some time to figure out how you feel. Before you react, give yourself permission to be quiet and think. You deserve time to research and even seek out opinions of friends, family, and counselors. You can say things like:

I’m not sure what to say.
I’m going to need some time to think about this.
I didn’t see this coming, or I need to do some research.
I love you no matter what.

As parents, we do have to right to set boundaries on appropriate and inappropriate behavior (especially when dealing with alcohol and drug use). We can tell our children what we need. We do not have to accept unacceptable behavior, but if we are very upset, we don’t want to speak and act out of fear or anger. Many of those speeches and tirades only lead to hurt, not healing. Give yourself some time to look for helpful ways to love and support your teen’s choice.

Did you know the 12 Steps, which have helped millions find recovery, can also help you find peace and serenity? Check out our latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

The post So Your Teen Is _________ Here’s How To Deal appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Exercise Can Help Beat Cocaine Addiction

From Science News Daily: Exercise can help prevent relapses into cocaine addiction, according to new research led by the University at Buffalo’s Panayotis (Peter) Thanos, PhD.

“Cocaine addiction is often characterized by cycles of recovery and relapse, with stress and negative emotions, often caused by withdrawal itself, among the major causes of relapse,” says Thanos, senior research scientist in the UB Research Institute on Addictions and Department of Pharmacology and Toxicology.

Using animal models, Thanos found that regular aerobic exercise (one hour on a treadmill, five times a week) decreased stress-induced cocaine-seeking behavior. Exercise also altered behavioral and physiological responses to stress.

Individuals who are addicted to cocaine have altered neural, behavioral and physiological responses to stress. Recent research by Thanos demonstrated how exercise can alter the brain’s mesolimbic dopamine pathway, which is linked to the rewarding and reinforcing properties of drugs such as cocaine.

In addition, exercise has been shown to reduce stress hormones and elevate mood, which could assist in alleviating anxiety and negative emotions associated with withdrawal.

Studies already have shown that aerobic exercise (also known as “cardio”) is an effective strategy against many physical health problems, including heart disease, diabetes and arthritis, along with certain mental health issues, such as stress, anxiety and depression.

“Our results suggest that regular aerobic exercise could be a useful strategy for relapse prevention, as part of a comprehensive treatment program for recovering cocaine abusers,” Thanos says. “Further research is necessary to see if these results also hold true for other addictive drugs.”

Story Source:

Materials provided by University at Buffalo. Original written by Catherine Wilde.

Did you know the 12 Steps, which have helped millions find recovery, can also help you find peace and serenity? Check out our latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

The post Exercise Can Help Beat Cocaine Addiction appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

6 Ways You Can Change Your Environment To Help Your Recovery

From Adi Jaffe Ph.D.@ Psychology Today: The purpose of this article is to help you drill down and identify triggers for your addiction or be able to better recognize the role of environmental influences in a loved one’s struggles.

Some people may feel that the downside to understanding these ‘risk factors’ is people may be left feeling hopeless. Perhaps you feel like you have no hope because of where you live, or how you were brought up or who you hang out with. I want to assure you that this is simply not true.

Knowledge is power. And when you understand yourself and your triggers and your environment you can make informed decisions. You can make choices that lead to better quality of life, rather than succumbing to habit.

You can make small changes to your environment so they become protective factors for your addiction rather than risk factors.

1. Family Triggers

To combat triggers around family dynamics and influences, psychotherapy can be helpful. It allows you to not only understand your past and how this has influenced your world view and your capacity to cope with stress, but also accept and find ways to break those habits. Knowledge and acceptance (two major tenants of IGNTD Recovery) allow you to begin to make choices in life that are considered and thoughtful rather than simply a result of habit.

TIP – If you have a particularly stressful family event coming up. it may be helpful to gain support from a friend, like a wingman/wingwoman ahead of the event. Lay out the particular relationships and interactions that might be triggering and ask for help in managing these AHEAD of the event. You’ll not only be better prepared when the situation arises, but you’ll have someone to help rescue you if you need it.

2. Friends

Some people believe that if your friends abuse alcohol or drugs then you must avoid them at all costs. But I don’t believe you have to stay away from all of these relationships, although initially it can be useful to avoid the specific environments where your friends engage in the kind of behavior you want to avoid.

Tip – Make it a habit to avoid particular hangout at particular times when you expected that the triggers and temptation will be increased. In my own history, when I was fully sober (and to this day to a large extent), I would leave parties at 11pm or midnight, right around the time that some of my friends began frequenting the restroom every 30 minutes for their cocaine use and other recreational activities. Interestingly, when you don’t avoid these relationships but rather see them for what they are, you may discover that you want to let some of them go anyway. But the act of choice here becomes crucial.

3. Social Media

Avoiding social media is probably unrealistic also. But, you can make a rule that you only access social media briefly or within specific time frames. You can set a timer for five minutes and once the timer is up then you get off. This can stop you falling down that rabbit hole of not only losing time on social media, but also feeling bad about yourself. I’ll go one step further and recommend you only access social media when you’re feeling okay about yourself. If you’re having a bad day, pick up a phone and call a friend instead.

Tip – I have made it a habit to regularly unfollow or hide content when I recognize that it makes me feel “less-than” or unworthy or otherwise plays on my insecurities. Make sure that the content you allow yourself to consume makes you feel strong, inspired, motivated and good. In this way social media can be a great asset.

4. Other Media

If you find video games, movies or television shows (or any other form of media) triggers your addiction, then pay close attention to what kind of media it is, how it makes you feel and the thoughts they provoke. You may choose to avoid these triggers for a while in order to keep you on track.

Tip – If you want to truly combat their influence, see if you can expose yourself to some (be careful and deliberate with your choices here) of the content in order to desensitize your triggering. For instance, I couldn’t watch Breaking Bad for years because it mirrored my own meth use and selling. But after a few years I decided to purposefully watch the show in order to remove the fear surrounding the triggering. Within a few episodes I was essentially not at all triggered by it. What are you avoiding that you can use to your advantage in this way?

5. Community

The community that you live in plays a big part in the likelihood of abusing drugs. The most important first step here is the careful assessment and consideration of these norms. Many of us simply gloss over them, playing down their importance in forming our own habits and views on life.

Tip – If you find your cultural norms play a significant role in your triggering, there are a few things that might help – Speaking openly with someone who is like-minded and who cares about you could help remove the shame and stigma around the topic. I often find that a simple conversation along the lines of “I feel really uncomfortable when we…” can be incredibly powerful as long as the other party is empathetic and non-judgmental. After such an open conversation, you can explore the beliefs set up by your cultural norms more deeply through ongoing discussion, psychotherapy, etc. When it comes to specific events and gatherings, your ally can become an incredibly powerful assistant through a similar method to that discussed in #1 above.

6. Learned Environments

In the case of learned environments and physical settings, it’s hard to over-estimate their impact. Just for reference, it’s been shown that people can actually drink/use more in their preferred settings because their body is better prepared for the consumption and more able to “fight” it with opposing biological reactions. Think of the last time you drank/used at your favorite location (bar, bedroom, whatever) and think whether you’re able to consume more there yourself?

Tip – Literally changing the actual physical environment can make an incredible difference here. Your brain associated the location, color and smell with the activation of expected behavior. If it’s your bedroom where you drink, use, or act out, then move around your bed and furniture to make it not only look different, but feel different. Color the walls differently, put up some new art and completely alter the environment. It’s the quickest way to create a separation between habit and current behavior in that space.

Did you know the 12 Steps, which have helped millions find recovery, can also help you find peace and serenity? Check out our latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

The post 6 Ways You Can Change Your Environment To Help Your Recovery appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

6 Ways Your Environment Is Influencing Your Addiction

From Adi Jaffe Ph.D. @ Psychology Today: Anyone with an interest in, or struggle with, addiction will be curious about how someone ends up with an addiction to alcohol or drugs or sex or food. Is it caused by something within a person like genetics, or something external like the way a person is raised or who they hang out with? Are there spiritual factors or is it a result of childhood trauma?

It’s the main question I get when people seek my help.

The truth is, there’s no one identifiable cause for addiction. With advancements in psychological and biological research, it’s becoming obvious that the age-old debate of nature vs. nurture isn’t as clear-cut as we were previously led to believe.

I believe that nature and nurture, as well as other factors such as spirituality and trauma (which could be considered part of nurture AND biology) also influence the development of an addiction. I’ve talked about these and the biological elements in previous articles, but here I’d like to focus on the environmental factors that contribute to addiction. In The Abstinence Myth, I refer to this as the ‘environmentalists and social scientists camp,’ and in this camp, theorists and researchers strongly believe that external factors dictate our behavior.

A key belief here is that stress is induced by stressful environments, which in turn affects people and their behavior. Additionally, the norms and standards set in a given society create the definition of what is normal and what is not, leading to the labelling of some as deviant (in this case “addicts”). From this viewpoint, addiction is both created and maintained by factors external to the individual.

The research also supports this. Individuals who associate with others who abuse alcohol or drugs are more likely to engage in that behavior too. And as the use around a person ebbs and flows in quantity and variety, so does their own behavior. However, there are numerous additional environmental influences beyond friends – parental influence, cultural norms, media representation and learned physical associations are also environmental factors that contribute to addiction.

6 Environmental Factors That Influence Your (Or Your Loved One’s) Addiction
1. Family Dynamics And Interactions

One of the strongest external factors shown to influence addictive behavior is early life experiences. Family interactions, parenting styles and level of supervision play a pivotal role in the development of later mental health difficulties, including substance use. In our early years of life, we develop strategies to cope with stress and when these strategies are maladaptive (due to a need to survive in the face of adversity), they can lead to risky or self-destructive behaviors. This means that in adolescence or adulthood these internal triggers are activated by external factors. Authoritarian and avoidant parenting, exposure to physical/emotional/sexual abuse, and divorce have all been associated with an increased likelihood of substance use problems later in life.

2. Friend Groups

When an individual’s social interactions rely heavily on associating with individuals who display potential alcohol or drug problems, then it can be very difficult to exorcise yourself from similarly displaying such problematic behaviors. The sense of belonging and feeling connected to like-minded people is a strong factor in the maintenance of addiction. This is one of the main mechanisms that affected my own substance use and that of many of the individuals I see. The habits and behavior patterns of friends will invariably affect that of everyone in the group as they experience peer pressure. Research has shown that individuals with more permissive and less critical views of drug use are more likely to engage in such use (obviously) and that earlier use and exposure are typically associated with more likelihood of later problems.

3. Social Media

While social media has many social benefits, there are also many social downfalls. When an individual struggling with emotional problems sees other people online who appear to be happy, attractive, and enjoying life; it can make them feel further socially isolated, damage self-esteem and exacerbate feelings of shame. There is growing evidence that increased social media use can exacerbate the mental health struggles of those already susceptible to them. Unfortunately, it is very unlikely that this trend will shift in the near future although a number of groups and influencers are beginning to rise who put their imperfections and difficulties front and center in efforts to fight stigma and shame.

4. Media In General

People’s behaviors are also influenced by other media avenues such as video games, movies and television shows. From displays of substance use and other behavior that border (or cross into) glorification to the fantasy creation of unrealistic goals and wishes, media portrayal of relationships, violence, sex and more can encourage younger viewers to develop world-views that are self-critical and unhealthy. We have to be careful here to avoid the over-demonization of media portrayals as they both impact and reflect the changing norms in society. Nevertheless, there is no question that shows like Madmen create very different masculine ideals for viewers than This Is Us and that any information absorbed can impact behavior. This has been shown to be true for advertising as well as programmatic content.

5. Culture/Religion

There are many cultural and religious-based triggers for addiction such as the geographical area in which you grow up, religious beliefs prevalent in your culture, early experiences and teachings related to shame, participation in (or exclusion from) cultural or religious activities. Some cultures are accepting of male drinking but not of female drinking and therefore have substantially different rates of alcohol abuse by gender. The same is true for any other cultural norms that are strong enough to sway behavior, especially if they are widely adopted and everyone is exposed to them early. Oftentimes, we see that problematic behavior develops as a direct response in rebellion against such norms.

6. Learned Environments

For people with addiction, the physical environment can also create a whole host of triggers. From attending a pub for ‘after work drinks’ to your kitchen bench while home alone, to a particular social hangout, these places can be associated with cravings. When behaviors are repeated, they can be conditioned to a particular place or situation and these learned habits can be hard to break. These triggers can be amplified when the physical place and the people in it are both associated with alcohol or drug abuse. Experiments such as Conditioned Place Preference have revealed that reactions to, and expectation of, the delivery and effect of drugs can form after only three to four exposure to a specific setting and remain, unless the “spell” is broken, eternally.

It’s important to remember that these influences are just risk factors, they will typically not account for all the reasons why someone struggles with addiction. In truth, a whole array of factors come together to bring about the final condition, but knowing what your environmental triggers are can allow you to take steps to minimize their effects. This gives you more control over your recovery and your life.

Did you know the 12 Steps, which have helped millions find recovery, can also help you find peace and serenity? Check out our latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

The post 6 Ways Your Environment Is Influencing Your Addiction appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

On Instagram, Banning Drug-Related Hashtags Is Anything But Simple

From Refinery29:

This past April, Instagram took stern action against a particular class of drug-related hashtags. You probably wouldn’t have noticed unless you were actively searching for them, or they regularly appeared in posts on your feed, but #oxycontin, #fentanyl, and #opiates were completely removed from the app or appeared with very limited results, seemingly overnight.






The decision came amidst mounting pressure from the FDA, senators, and advocates, for social media platforms like Instagram, which can harbor dark web players, to help curb the spread of the opioid epidemic. Many argued these platforms were not doing enough to police potential drug sales that initiated online and used corresponding hashtags — and phone numbers in bios — to draw in buyers.





“Internet firms simply aren’t taking practical steps to find and remove these illegal opioid listings,” Scott Gottlieb, the FDA commissioner, said in a speech at the National Rx Drug Abuse and Heroin Summit in April. “There’s ample evidence of narcotics being advertised and sold online. I know that internet firms are reluctant to cross a threshold; where they could find themselves taking on a broader policing role. But these are insidious threats being propagated on these web platforms.”






Last week, CNN reported that Instagram had taken an even stronger stance: Search for #fentanyl or #opiates now and you will no longer see the message that previously appeared, “Recent posts from [the hashtag] are currently hidden because the community has reported some content that may not meet Instagram’s community guidelines.” Instead, there is just a brief three-word signal that these are now banned: “No hashtags found.” Instagram confirmed the bans, telling Refinery29, “Keeping the Instagram community safe is our responsibility and we spend a lot of time thinking about how we can create a safe and open environment for everyone. We have taken action against this content – including removing the @fentanyl_connect account and blocking the #fentanyl hashtag.”







While Instagram certainly has cause for removing these hashtags — they can, indeed, be linked to accounts trying to sell the drugs, which is expressly forbidden in the app’s Community Guidelines — experts are at odds on how large of a role social media apps actually play, how much action they should be required to take, and ways to effectively prohibit drug sales. The bans on drug-related hashtags speak to the larger challenges of trying to proactively target illicit activities on social media while allowing for the free speech of those who use such hashtags without illegal intent.






n contrast to Silk Road, a dark web marketplace for drug sales that appeared in 2011 and was shut down by the FBI in 2013, social media apps are home to what the DEA calls street level dealers. “There are obviously people selling drugs or advertising that they can sell drugs on social media platforms, and using hashtags to do it,” Wade C. Sparks, a special agent in the Office of National Media Affairs at the DEA told Refinery29 over email. “These situations usually involve a street level dealer selling directly to a drug user, as opposed to people moving large quantities of drugs.”






Although Sparks says technology does play a role in the DEA’s investigations, hashtags are not usually involved. The DEA is focused on “the highest echelon of traffickers,” those using more secure, encrypted servers, as opposed to street level buyers. “In other words, I would be surprised to see a major Mexican drug cartel trying to sell 100 kilos of cocaine using hashtags on a public social media platform,” Sparks says.







But what about those street level dealers? Are they drawing in new customers via Instagram and expanding existing drug problems to a larger portion of the population through social media? The answer, as with most of the complicated issues facing tech companies these days, is not as black and white as it may seem.






“In terms of media effects, if I’m on Instagram and I see somebody promoting opioids or the otherwise illegal consumption of drugs, the research shows that the effects of that are likely very weak,” Michael A. Stefanone, an expert in social media and an associate professor of communications at the University of Buffalo, says.”The people that would respond to a drug dealer’s phone number [on Instagram] would seek out those drugs in other ways as well.”






However, there is evidence that the content young people are exposed to online can impact their beliefs. The Rand Corporation, a non-profit research organization, looked at the effects of youth exposure to another substance — alcohol — online. They found that the majority of the 11-to-14-year-old study cohort viewed alcohol and drinking more positively after seeing an average of three alcohol ads per day. It’s plausible, then, that increased exposure to posts related to banned substances might have a similarly normalizing effect, if not a positive one.






The disparate beliefs about the impact that seeing illegal substances on social media can have on viewers speaks to the lack of the research on the topic. As an American Academy of Pediatrics article on “Digital Media and the Risks for Adolescent Substance Abuse and Problematic Gambling” says, social media research is still in its early days, making it hard to know how the effects of online exposure compare to offline exposure.







There is something to be said for the fact that even if drug dealers are not necessarily attracting new users, they can can easily connect with existing drug users online, making the platforms where these exchanges take place unwilling facilitators. The challenge facing Instagram, Facebook, and other social media apps and sites is that “there is currently no system in place to identify these types of criminal acts,” Patricia A. Cavazos, PhD, an Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Washington University’s School of Medicine.

Hashtag bans are one attempt to target them, but that’s not always effective. For starters, there’s often a way around them. As CNN noted, the process of eliminating hashtags can be like playing an extremely frustrating “game of whack-a-mole”: Those who are trying to sell drugs through social media will find ways around a ban, using related hashtags to reach users (search for #oxycontin right now on Instagram and you’ll find similar alternatives, including the obvious — #oxycontins, and less obvious — #oxycontin40mg). Although dealing with drug sales should be an easier task than, say, figuring out how to handle a controversial figure like Alex Jones, constantly evolving approaches to gaming the system complicate these efforts.

Secondly, the same hashtags social media apps have banned are often used by those working in drug prevention and drug treatment, as well as by the DEA, Sparks says. In other words, not everyone who posts #fentanyl is coordinating a drug sale, meaning that many posts that don’t violate Community Guidelines can get caught in the crosshairs of a hashtag ban. Take, for example, posts that report on news of drug-related arrests. While Instagram aims to preserve hashtags, the consistent abuse of specific ones can necessitate their removal.






For drug-related hashtags, one chapter has reached a seemingly inevitable conclusion. At the start of last week, searches for #cocaine on Instagram still pulled up hundreds of thousands of results. When Refinery29 reached out to Instagram to ask why results for #fentanyl were hidden, but #cocaine were not, Instagram took action and blocked posts with the hashtag.






“Instagram prohibits the promotion and sale of illegal drugs,” A spokesperson said. “Our team reviews reports and will remove content if it violates our policies.”







But, if past games of whack-a-mole are any indication, you can expect more where those hashtags came from as the fight continues.

The post On Instagram, Banning Drug-Related Hashtags Is Anything But Simple appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Clean, Sober And $41,000 Deep In Out-Of-Pocket Addiction Recovery Costs

By Lela Moore for The New York Times:

Tess Henry’s family paid $12,000 for 30 days of rehab from opioid addiction. She had done two more cycles of treatment without achieving sobriety. So her family agreed to pay $20,000 for 28 days of more rehab. But they never got the chance.

A few days after assuring her mother that she planned to fly to Virginia to resume treatment, Ms. Henry was murdered.

The tragic end of Ms. Henry’s six-year struggle to recover from an opioid addiction that began with a prescription for cough syrup was chronicled last week in The New York Times by Beth Macy, a journalist who covers the opioid crisis.

It takes eight years, and four to five attempts at treatment, for the average person addicted to opioids to achieve one year of remission, according to John Kelly, a researcher and professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, whom Ms. Macy cited in her Sunday Review essay.

Some people manage to achieve recovery through free 12-step programs, while others spend hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Ms. Henry’s story prompted readers to share with us in our comments section their own struggles with recovery or the struggles of their family members.

Here is a selection of the comments that cite costs — in out-of-pocket expenses, as well as in time, insurance payouts and human patience — of recovery. They are condensed and lightly edited.

‘I’m lucky it didn’t cost me more’
$25,000 for Suboxone, $16,000 of doctor appointments, $200,000 paid by insurance

I abused opiates for four years. I quit one-time and have been sober for five years. I’ve been on Suboxone [a drug that helps prevent opioid withdrawal symptoms] for five years as well. Luckily I make enough money to spend $400/month on Suboxone. I also moved 1,500 miles away from where I bought OxyContin when I quit, went to a $100,000 rehab on private insurance, and then stayed for 10 more months working as a nighttime janitor and going to A.A. like 10 times a week.

Recovering from opiates has cost me over $25,000 for Suboxone, $16,000 of doctor appointments, and it’s cost my insurance about $200,000. It cost me five years of my life. I’m lucky it didn’t cost me more.

‘The system for getting into rehabs is like a grotesque game show’
Days of phone calls to rehab programs to demonstrate desperation

I’m a recovering heroin addict myself, and in my experience the system for getting into rehabs (without a lot of money up front and good insurance, at least) is like a grotesque game show in the spirit of “Black Mirror.” The standard practice is this: if you’re an addict who needs to go to rehab, you call and leave a message.

If you string together a long enough sequence of mornings calling in, and thus demonstrate enough desperation to satisfy them, they will eventually call you back, for you have passed the first test. If you’re lucky, they’ll make you an offer that expires in about 4-5 hours, telling you to come that moment. If you don’t have a car or a guardian angel who will take you to their strategic position in the middle of nowhere, too bad.

But without real long-term treatment, many of those addicts will overdose again and again, and odds are they won’t get that lifesaving opioid blocker in time, one of those times. Consider the resources wasted every day by having potentially productive citizens reduced to unemployability, and then spending money to have police fight the “drug war,” and to institutionalize addicts in jails and prison. Consider the extra burden on Medicaid, welfare programs, and homeless shelters. Consider the cost of drug-related crime — which is to say, the majority of crime. More important, forget all of those expenses and simply consider what it means for millions of families to have loved ones in the grip of untreated addiction.

— Steve, New Jersey

‘Free. Nearly everywhere. Tested.’
$0 for 12 steps, endless daily hard work

As someone for whom the 12 steps did miraculously work (along with endless, daily hard work), my meetings are filled with similar stories. Decades of recovery. We’re never cured, but we’re alive and not using. I was not in a position to pay for rehab or leave my three young kids, and A.A./N.A. was incredible. Free. Nearly everywhere. Tested. It deserves much more credit.

— Ella Jackson, New York

‘Hundreds of thousands of dollars spent’
A sibling in and out of treatment for more than 10 years

Having a sibling who has been in and out of treatment for over 10 years (hundreds of thousands of dollars spent) and the undivided and dedicated attention of a parent figure (who has dedicated her life to him), I assure you that recovery success is not directly tied into family support but rather to the individual’s desire to be well.

Having read individual success stories I find one common thread. A commitment to a goal and grit seem to be the driving forces behind recovery. Love, time, forgiveness and patience are all complementary ingredients.

— Korry, New York

He got sober ‘without expensive rehab programs’
$0 for 12 steps

My brother was a high functioning addict for years before his final painful trip to bottom. Then 4 years in a spiral as he lost everything before a series of court mandated A.A. meetings lit a light bulb (the first meetings he attended, he was high).

He got straight and sober within the 12 step program without expensive rehab programs (we were lucky). Then he spent 8 wonderful years of giving back to his community; became a mentor to many first offenders while holding down a job working with disabled adults, taking them camping and using art and music to enrich their lives. When he died from liver cancer (from hepatitis C from his old drug injections), a line stretched a block at the funeral. I never shook so many hands or heard such heart warming stories as I did at Dean’s funeral.

We don’t hear about the successful stories of recovery so there’s one for you. We were lucky to get him back and to have such good memories now.

— Bill Cullen, Portland, Ore.

‘All I had was the 12 steps’
$0 for 12 steps, a hard road

Rest in peace, Tess, and God bless all those who loved and helped her. I know well the heartbreak and hurt that addicts inflict on others because I am one and have done those things. I know even better the never ending cycle of deepening addiction and the effects on every aspect of your life, from loss of health, any hope of a career, financial ruin, utter hopelessness and the hollowing out of one’s soul. But I know better the flip side, of hope and happiness and redemption and overcoming the darkness, as I have been continuously sober now for more than 32 years. And if there was hope for me, there is hope for anyone and everyone.

There were no maintenance drugs other than methadone when I got clean and sober decades ago. All I had was the Twelve Steps and the love and hope and care and example of others in recovery. And that worked for me, although it was the hardest road I ever traveled early on.

— Rich D., Tucson

The post Clean, Sober And $41,000 Deep In Out-Of-Pocket Addiction Recovery Costs appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Unhealthy Roles In Family Addiction

How do unhealthy roles in family addiction play out in real life? Let’s take a look at a real-life family, the Drakes, who are caught in the painful dysfunction that accompanies a substance or behavioral addiction. (Names have been changed to protect the family.) Each family member suffers in a different way. What can they do to recover?

Person with Addiction

Josh, the father, has Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD, formerly called alcoholism).  He has two DUIs, and he has recently lost his job because he was intoxicated at work. This was his second warning. With the loss of his job, Josh is now home all day. He spends part of his time at a local bar, and part of his time at home, always drinking. He can put away 12-16 beers daily. In denial, he blames his family for loss of his job. He believes his wife, Kathee, and his kids cause him to drink, and that drinking is the only thing that gets him through the day. He is not currently looking for a job and is depending on Kathee’s income to support the family.

Codependent

Kathee, the mother, is the codependent. She works full-time and is trying to keep the family together. She has three children and struggles to help Josh cope with his drinking. She has quit trying to confront him about his drinking as he gets very angry and scary. To prevent Josh’s fits of rage, she now brings him beer.  Of course, this doesn’t prevent all of his angry outbursts, which occur over the smallest issues. She’s so embarrassed by the family situation that she’s stopped asking for help. She’s angry, hurt, and constantly scared. She covers up her true feelings and puts on a happy face wherever she goes. She is also the primary caregiver to their three children.

Hero

Caitlin, 17, is the oldest child. She copes with the family by achieving. She is among the top five in her senior class and is also a good athlete. However, Caitlin is very upset about the situation. She is angry at her mother, and her father, and has trouble having fun. She has become quite rigid in her perfectionism. She is also ambivalent about going to college. She longs to get away from everyone but feels guilty about wanting to leave her mother and younger siblings to cope without her help.

Mascot And Scapegoat

Marcus, 15, is the middle child. He is a combination mascot and scapegoat. He’s always been funny and is known as the class clown. He tries to deal with the family problems by laughing and making fun of life. His mascot behavior is starting to get him in trouble at school for acting out, mostly by disrupting the situations at school. He is beginning to have a permanent seat at the principal’s office. In addition, his grades are falling. Josh has now started to blame Marcus for his drinking, making Marcus the newest family scapegoat. Kathee is beginning to believe Josh’s shameful claims and also blames her son. Blame and shame push Marcus to act out even more.

Lost child

Caroline, 12, is the youngest. She is basically ignored by the family because she tends to stay in her room as a way to escape the family struggles. She’s actually learning to isolate by doing solitary activities such as being on the computer, playing online games, and reading. She doesn’t cause any problems but her emotional needs are being neglected. Also, she doesn’t really have any friends at school.

Can This Family Be Saved?

Of course it can. But for change to occur, every member of the family needs help. Josh needs treatment for his alcohol disorder, but he may not be willing to get it. If he does not want treatment or counseling for the marriage, Kathee can make positive changes to help herself and her children. She can seek help through Al-anon or Nar-anon to understand what’s happening and how to find solutions.

Kathee can find also therapist. She can encourage her teens to attend Al-ateen meetings and find therapists to help them understand and cope with the family situation. She can contact Families Anonymous or Codependents anonymous. All of these resources can set this family on a track for better relationships whether Josh quits drinking or not.

It’s not easy to step out a roller-coaster situation, and things often get messy before they get better. But recovery works for the millions of people willing to ask for help by contacting the above groups and exploring treatment options in their area.

Did you know the 12 Steps, which have helped millions find recovery, can also help you find peace and serenity? Check out our latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.

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Toxic Family Dynamic

Are you in a toxic family dynamic without even knowing it? Where I grew up it was common for a girl to be raised to think of, and care for, The Other Person First.

Any other person. It didn’t matter whether the person you cared for was mean to you or hurt you. You had to be nice. It was the law. That is the core of the toxic family dynamic.

What Is A Toxic Family Dynamic

Were you raised with the unwritten law that you shouldn’t complain, argue, or use critical thinking to assess what is happening around you? It’s a tough law to follow if there are addicts in your life. This law of keeping quiet and picking up the slack of whatever needs to be done teaches you that your needs, wants, and feelings don’t count for much. If someone asked me how I was in the old days, I always said “fine.” My saying I was fine became a habit. I said it even when I wasn’t fine. I still say I’m fine, but now I’m not smothering the truth. I really am fine.

Do  Your  Family Members Feel They Have A License To Bully You

There can be bullying and manipulation in families without addiction. There is often a designated good girl, or boy, who picks up the check and the burdens in childhood and over the years. In families with addiction, however, relationships get distorted even more. Imagine a lifetime of guilt trips tripled. As addicts’ and alcoholics’ lives get more difficult to manage, they get used to asking for a lot from their loved ones, and expecting even more help. It’s not because they’re mean. It’s part of the disease. Life is falling apart. It’s natural to turn to the people who serve as rocks and salvation. Those who might have been just plain old caretakers in run-of-the-mill complicated families can get lost in a perpetual dance of give and get taken when addiction becomes the new norm. Again, no judgment about people who struggle with addictions. Everyone plays a role in this toxic dynamic, and it’s hard to stop the cycle.

You Can Revoke The  Bully License and Change Your Life

For a long time, all I wanted was peace. Just a few days of no arguments, of not being afraid of something else going wrong. You may recognize the phenomenon of longing for peace. You may also recognize the phenomenon that your help doesn’t seem to work, no matter how much you do. Turns out you just can’t fix anyone else’s problems. This is true in so-called “normal” families, too. A mother’s good intentions are not enough to help a teen have ambition or love life or stop doing dangerous things or stay in school. Love is not enough. Love is not enough to save marriages or stop loved ones from hurting themselves or even keep precarious relationships alive. With lots of help, I had to admit that was true. And I had to back off to let happen whatever would happen. I’m not God, after all, and don’t have the power to make everything all right again. The truth is everyone needs the opportunity to fix him or herself. It may not seem like you’re giving a valuable gift when you set boundaries and lose loved ones, but it can work. Learning to care for myself without guilt, however, was altogether too hard a concept at first. I had always tried to do what was best for others. Now what?

Changing The Toxic Family Dynamic

In the cops they say what goes around, comes around. For me, the surprise of recovery came when I started feeling the peace, but realized that I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted anymore. Worse, I felt guilty even thinking about what I might need or want. It didn’t seem fair to think of me when others were struggling. The toxic family dynamic happens when you only think of others. Then you feel resentment when they don’t love you back the way you want to be loved. I had to learn to ask for what I wanted, and be clear about it.

When You’re Happy Your Needs Are Satisfied

I need a rest. Or I need someone else to cook dinner. Or I need a quiet time. Or I can’t talk to you now, pick you up from wherever you are, see to each any every one of your needs. When you can say these things, you will become you, even if you don’t know who you are now. With the miracle of letting go of feelings of obligation toward everyone, others begin to change around you. It helps to believe in the change you want to see. But know that there may be some resistance (even a lot at first). Ignore it. You’ll be fine.

Sometimes toxic families need professional help. Visit Recovery Guidance to find counselors near you.

Here’s a shout out to all the out there! You talk us down off ledges, support our sobriety, and love us scars and all. You deserve an award – like these !

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50 Fun Summer Activities That Burn 50 Calories

From The Huffington Post:

The arrival of summer sparks our romance with the outdoors. Whether it’s a simple stroll at dusk, or a bike ride to the beach for a picnic, this season seems to motivate us to play, explore and move in ways winter simply cannot. Even quick bursts of activity that we may not consider exercise can be fun ways to get outdoors, enjoy the sunshine and squeeze in some exercise time in the process. We’ve compiled a list of 50 fun, summery ways to burn around 50 calories (based on a 150-pound person). Combining a few a day can really add up. Let the secret workout commence!

Go For A Bike Ride

According to Self.com, pulling your bike out of the garage and going for a light spin for just seven minutes can burn 50 calories. It’s the perfect outdoor activity, and fun for the whole family!

Vacuum The House

We find every excuse to put off housework, but 13 minutes of vacuuming can actually burn 54 calories. Get clean crazy!

Have A Dance Party

Eleven minutes adds up to 56 calories, according to WebMD.

Do Yoga

Yoga — one of our favorite de-stressing activities — can exist outside of a formal class. Try 17 minutes of light yoga to burn 50 calories. The stretches will make you feel relaxed and loose. Explore some moves outside for a real summer experience!

Fire Up The Grill

In 19 minutes of barbecuing you can burn 50 calories, according to Fitness Magazine. Get out that spatula!

Play Ultimate Frisbee

A quick six-minute game with friends will improve your hand-eye coordination and help you burn 57 calories.

Go For A Hike

Break a sweat and explore nature along the way. Hiking is a great full-body workout, and in six minutes you could burn 54 calories.

Play Catch

You can burn 54 calories in 18 minutes.

Do Water Aerobics

Love swimming in the summer, but not really into doing serious laps? Commit 12 minutes to water aerobics exercises and you can burn 57 calories — and probably get a good laugh out of your friends.

Go Kayaking

Brave the waves this summer! Ten minutes of paddling can help you burn 59 calories.

Mow The Lawn

Eight minutes of mowing can help you burn 52 calories.

Wash Your Car

Just 15 minutes of scrubbing burns 54 calories!

Get In The Garden

Spend 12 minutes in the dirt and you’ll burn 54 calories, according to myfitnesspal.

Play With Your Kids

Fooling around with your little munchkins is more of a workout than you might think. Chasing those rascals for 12 minutes could help you burn 57 calories!

Do Some Yard Work

While it may not sound like a super-appealing Sunday afternoon activity, 10 minutes of yard work could help you burn 59 calories. Plus, all the neighbors will envy your green grass and beautiful flowers. Little do they know it doubled as exercise.

Play Doubles

Lace up those sneaks and grab a partner. Ten minutes of tennis can help you burn 59 calories!

Challenge A Friend To Badminton

Just 10 minutes can help you burn 54 calories.

Jump Rope

Five minutes of jumping can burn 59 calories.

Play Golf

After just 10 minutes you can burn 54 calories. Imagine what an entire day out on the range burns!

Play Beach Volleyball

Six minutes burns 57 calories.

Push A Stroller

Take your baby (or the kids you babysit!) out for a 20-minute stroll, and you’ll find your mood improved and 59 calories gone!

Play Mini Golf

Putting on a miniature course for 15 minutes could burn 54 calories. Plus, who doesn’t enjoy a little friendly (or not-so-friendly) competition?

Fetch With Fido

Playing with your pet for 15 minutes can burn 50 calories!

Try Paddle Boarding

You’ve heard it’s good for your abs, but did you know know 12 minutes of paddling can help you burn 54 calories?

Go Jet Skiing

In seven minutes, burn 56 calories!

Play Ping Pong

After a 12-minute game of table tennis, you will have burned around 54 calories — and you’ll be dying to play again.

Go On A Sailing Or Windsurfing Adventure

In just 15 minutes, 51 calories.

Tread Water

While you’re hanging in the pool or ocean, take some time to try to stay afloat without putting your feet down. Tally up 12 minutes, and you’ll shed 54 calories!

Play Flag Football

Head outside to showcase your competitive side. After just six minutes of flag football, you’ll have dropped 54 calories! Imagine what a workout a whole game could be.

Grab The Fishing Rods

In 15 minutes of watching your line you could burn 51 calories.

Start A Ball Game

Baseball’s a great way to have fun with friends and family, and you’ll burn 58 calories in just 10 minutes of play.

Go Roller Blading

In four minutes, you can burn 54 calories!

Play Basketball

Feeling like Michael Jordan? Hit the court and burn 54 calories in just six minutes.

Start A Spontaneous Pick-Up Soccer Game

Make like Pele and burn 79 calories in 10 minutes!

Paint Outside

Feeling creative? Head outside and paint the landscape. The sweet summer air might just spark your hidden creative side while you burn 54 calories in 15 minutes.

Do Jumping Jacks

Drop 56 calories in just six minutes!

Cook

Whip up a summer treat in the kitchen. Chopping and stirring for 25 minutes can help you burn 57 calories, all before the oven timer dings!

Try A Game Of Croquet

In 20 minutes you can burn 57 calories with this lawn game!

Take The Stairs

It’s probably something you do multiple times a day. But make your next couple of treks up the stairs with more enthusiasm — five minutes of stair climbing can help you burn 54 calories!

Play Racquetball

In seven minutes, shed 56 calories.

Try Kickball

Grab a ball and some friends, assemble some makeshift bases, and you’ve got yourself a game of kickball, just like back in the days of recess. In 10 minutes of pitching, kicking and running, you could burn 79 calories, according to ACE Fitness.

Climb A Rock

Just four minutes of rock climbing can shed 50 calories.

Clean The Garage And Gutters

If you skimped on the spring cleaning, give the garage and gutters a quick 10-minute clean. You’ll feel accomplished and burn 59 calories.

Go Water Skiing

Eight minutes can burn 55 calories!

Go For A Stroll After Dinner

Instead of plopping down on the couch after dinner, take a slow walk. A 12-minute stroll could help you burn 55 calories!

Dive In At The Pool

After 15 minutes jumping in and climbing back out, you can can burn 51 calories!

Hit The Stores

As long as your bank account can support it, a little shopping is a win-win: In 20 minutes of perusing the aisles of your favorite boutique and trying on summer tees, you can burn 50 calories — and update your wardrobe!

Play Tag

Who says only kids play tag? Get outside and chase a pal — in nine minutes you could burn 50 calories. Let the kids teach you a new version you’ve never played before.

Hop

Ten minutes of hopscotch can burn 57 calories!

Mop The Floor

Yes, housework is boring, but keep in mind that after 12 minutes of cleaning, you will have burned 50 calories, and your kitchen floor will be sparkling.

 

 

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Can Psychedelic Drugs Help With Addiction

Magic mushrooms, toads and other psychedelic substances have been used by shamans since the beginning of time. The hippies loved them, and there was some research about their benefits back in the day, but largely went out of style decades ago. They’re back now.

Researchers now think they may one day be used to treat disorders ranging from social anxiety to depression, according to research presented at the annual convention of the American Psychological Association.

From Science Daily “Combined with psychotherapy, some psychedelic drugs like MDMA, psilocybin and ayahuasca may improve symptoms of anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder,” said Cristina L. Magalhaes, PhD, of Alliant International University Los Angeles, and co-chair of a symposium on psychedelics and psychotherapy. “More research and discussion are needed to understand the possible benefits of these drugs, and psychologists can help navigate the clinical, ethical and cultural issues related to their use.”

Hallucinogens have been studied in the U.S. for their potential healing benefits since the discovery of LSD in the 1940s. However, research has mostly stalled since psychedelics were outlawed in the late 1960s.

A shift may be coming soon though, as MDMA, commonly known as ecstasy, is beginning its third and final phase of clinical trials in an effort to win Food and Drug Administration approval for treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder, said Adam Snider, MA, of Alliant International University Los Angeles, and co-chair of the symposium.

Findings from one study presented at the symposium suggested that symptoms of social anxiety in autistic adults may be treatable with a combination of psychotherapy and MDMA. Twelve autistic adults with moderate to severe social anxiety were given two treatments of pure MDMA plus ongoing therapy and showed significant and long-lasting reductions in their symptoms, the research found.

“Social anxiety is prevalent in autistic adults and few treatment options have been shown to be effective,” said Alicia Danforth, PhD, of the Los Angeles Biomedical Research Institute at the HarborUCLA Medical Center, who conducted the study. “The positive effects of using MDMA and therapy lasted months, or even years, for most of the research volunteers.”

Research discussed also explored how LSD, psilocybin (known colloquially as “magic mushrooms”) and ayahuasca (a brew used by indigenous people of the Amazon for spiritual ceremonies) may benefit people with anxiety, depression and eating disorders.

Adele Lafrance, PhD, of Laurentian University, highlighted a study of 159 participants who reported on their past use of hallucinogens, level of spirituality and relationship with their emotions.

Using hallucinogens was related to greater levels of spirituality, which led to improved emotional stability and fewer symptoms of anxiety, depression and disordered eating, the study found.

“This study reinforces the need for the psychological field to consider a larger role for spirituality in the context of mainstream treatment because spiritual growth and a connection to something greater than the self can be fostered,” said Lafrance.

Other research presented suggested that ayahuasca may help alleviate depression and addiction, as well as assist people in coping with trauma.

“We found that ayahuasca also fostered an increase in generosity, spiritual connection and altruism,” said Clancy Cavnar, PhD, with Núcleo de Estudos Interdisciplinares sobre Psicoativos.

For people suffering from life-threatening cancer, psilocybin may provide significant and lasting decreases in anxiety and distress.

When combined with psychotherapy, psilocybin helped a study’s 13 participants grapple with loss and existential distress. It also helped the participants reconcile their feelings about death as nearly all participants reported that they developed a new understanding of dying, according to Gabby Agin-Liebes, BA, of Palo Alto University, who conducted the research.

“Participants made spiritual or religious interpretations of their experience and the psilocybin treatment helped facilitate a reconnection to life, greater mindfulness and presence, and gave them more confidence when faced with cancer recurrence,” said Agin-Liebes.

Presenters throughout the symposium discussed the need for more research to fully understand the implications of using psychedelics as an adjunct to psychotherapy as well as the ethical and legal issues that need to be considered.

Story Source:

Materials provided by American Psychological Association. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.

Want delicious recipes seasoned with recovery tools? Check out the ROR cookbook,  The Codependent in The Kitchen.

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