Leslie Glass's Blog, page 330
October 8, 2018
What To Do About Sexual Harassment at Work
There are many options for people who feel they have been sexually harassed. There is, however, absolutely no substitute for legal advice that is specific to your situation. Here are some important things to think about.
What is workplace sexual harassment?
Sexual harassment in the workplace is an umbrella term that encompasses a range of unwanted behaviors. This includes nonphysical harassment, including suggestive remarks and gestures, or requests for sexual favors. Physical harassment includes touches, hugs, kisses and coerced sex acts.
It can be perpetrated by anyone — a manager, a colleague, a client. The perpetrator or the recipient may be male or female. It does not need to occur inside the office. Your employer could still be responsible for investigating the incident and handling it appropriately.
“Let’s say you’re out with your boss and you’re having drinks after hours,” said Andrea Gosfield, a senior associate at Griesing Law, who counsels individuals and institutions on employment compliance. “Maybe you think you invited that kiss. Maybe you think you can’t file a report or a claim because you were complicit somehow by being off site. That is not the case. It could be anywhere.”
What Outcome Do You Want
Is your ultimate goal for the harasser to be removed from the company? Do you want to prevent others from being harassed by that person? Are you seeking monetary compensation?
“The first priority is for the individual to decide what it is that she really wants and the price she is willing to pay for that,” said Deborah L. Rhode, a professor of law at Stanford Law School and the director of its Center on the Legal Profession.
“Many people want the harassment to stop so they can do their job and advance in their companies,” said Suzanne B. Goldberg, a professor at Columbia Law School and the director of the Center for Gender and Sexuality Law at Columbia Law School. “Others, especially where the harassment has been severe, seek compensation from the employer for their lost earnings and emotional distress that resulted from the harassment.”
If you have experienced or witnessed sexual harassment and you want to take action, you have a number of choices
But first:
Whatever you plan to do, keep notes and evidence
“One of the most important things to do after an incident is to write down what happened, what was said or touched, who did it, whether anyone was around to witness what happened, where you were, what the time was,” Ms. Goldberg said.
Ms. Gosfield noted that it is helpful to keep notes in a bound notebook (“technology fails,” she said) and to make sure nothing is stored on work devices. Otherwise, “should anything go awry, your employer will have access to the logs you were keeping,” Ms. Gosfield said.
If there is any physical evidence — for example, a dress with fluids on it or pornographic images — save it.
When investigating or reporting on a complaint of sexual harassment, accusers will often be asked if they had confided in a friend, family member or colleague at the time of the event or events. Even if you never plan on taking action, confiding in someone at the time can be helpful if you change your mind about taking action later.
Now, for your options:
You can make a criminal complaint
If you were sexually assaulted, going straight to the police is a good idea.
“Every state is going to have its own definition of rape,” Ms. Gosfield said. Even the terms states use can be different. “One state may call rape ‘sexual assault.’ Another state may call it rape. When you’ve been victimized, sodomy is a crime in certain jurisdictions.”
Generally, in cases where the harassment included physical touching, coerced physical confinement or coerced sex acts, it could be considered a crime. If you want to start a criminal investigation, it’s important to know that there is a legal timeline.
“If you have been victimized and violated, probably one of the last things you want to do is go to a precinct and relive every detail,” Ms. Gosfield said. Nonetheless, it is important for law enforcement to have access to physical evidence — if there is any — as soon as possible.
You can file a complaint through your employer
If you are an employee, you can follow your employer’s procedure for filing a complaint. Typically this is the first step you should take, unless there is only one point person to report to and that person was the harasser.
If that situation doesn’t apply, and if you think you may want to file a lawsuit against the employer in the future, you have to report the harassment to your employer first. Otherwise, the employer has a defense, according to a judgment by the Supreme Court. Make sure all of your attempts at reporting the abuse are documented. “Write down everything and put everything in writing,” said Minna Kotkin, a professor of law at Brooklyn Law School and the director of the Brooklyn Law School Employment Law Clinic. “You don’t just go and talk to H.R.”
“Employers are given a lot of latitude to draft their policies,” Ms. Gosfield said. “No one says employers must have a policy that requires you to do X, Y and Z and have this reporting structure.”
Check your handbook or your internal company website. Hone in on it. Understand the chain of reporting that you should follow. Remember that employers may never have acted on their policies before and you may need to be diligent in pursuing your complaint. And company policy is not always up to date with the courts.
You can go to a federal, state or local agency
If you do not want to, or cannot file through your employer, or if you are unsatisfied with the results of your employer’s investigation, you can enter a complaint at the federal, state or local level. (You can also do this together with reporting the incident to your employer.)
At the federal level, you can go through the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Title VII of the 1964 federal Civil Rights Act prohibits sexual harassment.
You can also head to a Fair Employment Practices Agency. Here is a list. These are state or local administrative bodies that specialize in human or civil rights. Often if you file with a state or local agency, it will automatically co-file the claim with the E.E.O.C.
If one of the agencies finds that your complaint is warranted, it will issue a “right to sue” letter that allows you to bring the case to court. You need this letter in order to file a lawsuit.
With many state or local agencies, you can generally file a complaint without the help of a lawyer. “But often the processes are not quick, where a lawyer can typically intervene more quickly with an employer than a government agency,” Ms. Goldberg said.
Make sure you’re aware of statutes of limitations
Under Title VII, you have to file a claim with the E.E.O.C. within 180 days of the harassment. However, if your state has similar laws protecting workers from sexual harassment, you can file the complaint with both the state and federal agencies, which will extend the statute of limitations to 300 days.
And remember, Ms. Rhode said, “the statute of limitations doesn’t operate in the world of public opinion.” Even if years have passed since you were harassed and it is too late to file claims, you can speak about the incident publicly at any time.
You can make accusations in public
You can share your experience publicly through social media platforms or with the help of a reporter.
What to expect if you go public with your story
“One thing we know from social psychology studies is that people don’t like complainers,” said Joanna Grossman, the Ellen K. Solender Endowed Chair in Women and the Law at Southern Methodist University’s Dedman School of Law. “If you’re going public and on social media, you always run the risk that you get labeled a complainer, a problem, a liar.” But, she added, “that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. There may be benefits in connecting with other victims, pursuing justice and knowing the accuser won’t hurt someone else.”
You can expect threats, intimidation and investigation if you make public allegations.
There can be strength in numbers
If an employer is ineffective at pursuing complaints, you and other people who have experienced sexual harassment can “work together to protect each other or at least warn each other,” Ms. Grossman said.
“A lot of companies will tell you that you can’t disparage the company or its employees,” Ms. Grossman said. “That’s illegal. You can discuss any term or condition of employment, including complaining about sexual harassment by a co-worker. You can do it. There’s such a strong norm of not talking about your pay or your boss that it’s a social hurdle that prevents us from activating some of those more community-oriented approaches.”
Ms. Rhode said: “One of the triggering mechanisms in some of these cases has been the subculture of rumor and gossip that came to surround people who were serial harassers. When word gets around, you can be sure you’re not the only person who has experienced it. And then it takes one brave person to go public and others will follow.”
Should you confront the harasser
“You can say, ‘I do not want you to do this. It is offensive. Stop it immediately. I’m going to report you,’” Ms. Gosfield said. People who are being threatened or intimidated have to choose at that time between de-escalation, distraction or confrontation. No matter what you say at the time to remove yourself from the situation, confrontation can take place later, in safety, or with help.
What if you’re a freelancer
No matter your work situation, you always have the right to create a criminal complaint or to bring a lawsuit against the perpetrator. Other rights will vary state by state. “As a freelancer, in lots of situations, you’re just not going to have any rights,” Ms. Grossman said. “You’re relying on the good intentions of whoever hired you.”
Make sure you are definitely an independent contractor according to the law before you assume you are. “If you’re called an independent contractor but you’re sitting in a company’s offices and using their computers, you’re not and you can bring an action,” Ms. Kotkin said. She suggests checking guidelines from the Labor Department to understand your status.
“If you went through a hiring agency, alert the hiring agency about what has happened and seek assistance there,” Ms. Goldberg said. “If you’re freelancing for a company, an important first step is to alert the company about what has happened. Even if the company is not legally responsible, it may be able to take steps to help address the situation.”
But keep in mind the risks. “You have to understand you’re accepting the risk that you will lose the contract,” Ms. Grossman said. “Maybe that won’t happen and I hope it doesn’t. But there’s just not as much of a deterrent for that company since they’re not bound by nondiscrimination laws.”
It can sometimes be useful to have an upfront conversation with a hiring agency or a temporary employer about what practices are in place to address sexual harassment. Ask them, Ms. Goldberg said: “What is your policy for addressing sexual harassment that happens at a job placement? Where do I go if I am harassed at a job placement? Who is responsible? What steps will you take?”
What’s the deal with nondisclosure agreements, or N.D.A.s?
“An N.D.A. is where both parties agree that they’re not going to discuss the terms of the agreement or the allegations,” Ms. Gosfield said. Often the agreement is part of a broader settlement that offers the accuser monetary compensation.
“That makes the culture of silence so much more pervasive,” Ms. Gosfield said. “This never hits a court where there could be an opinion issued where everyone can understand that this is inappropriate, and what is the sanction, and what is going to be the consequence.”
What can happen if you violate an N.D.A.? You could be sued by the other party. “But I think the real reason people don’t violate N.D.A.s is that they’re not lump sum payments,” Ms. Rhode said. “They’re paid over a series of years and if you renege on the agreement, the payments stop.”
What to know about lawyers
“Many plaintiff counsels who are focused on victims of discrimination will work on contingency,” Ms. Gosfield said. Meaning, “The lawyer accepts a fixed percentage. If the client gets nothing, the lawyer gets nothing.”
Some lawyers charge for consultations and some do not. But they are “under ethical duty to tell you if you have a pursuable claim under state or federal law,” Ms. Gosfield said. Ask up front how the lawyer would be paid and if they would ask for payment for an initial conversation.
If you’re unsure of where to begin your search for a lawyer, try reaching out to your state bar association, which can make a recommendation.
By VALERIYA SAFRONOVA from the NYTimes
The post What To Do About Sexual Harassment at Work appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
October 7, 2018
My Elephant In The Room Is An Alcoholic Parent
Being the child of an alcoholic is like being the victim of a ransacked home. Imagine books, toys, and clothes strung everywhere. Dishes are broken; pictures are askew; cabinets are emptied. Curtains are blowing out of a broken window. The crime – a wild angry elephant tore threw the tiny home. The challenge – you have to call the police and ask for help without blaming the elephant, because you love the elephant as much as you fear it.
This metaphor of a broken home speaks of my childhood. My dad stopped drinking before I was born, but he never found real recovery. The lingering behaviors caused life-long heartache for ALL involved.
At this point in my journey, I still struggle with denial, and I’ve been in recovery for my co-dependency for almost two years now. I can check off all the items on lists like: Ten things To Know About Children Of Alcoholics, yet I deny their impact. I’m afraid of everything. I’m still too afraid to tell anyone my dad used to drink. What would the people at church think?
My denial is so deep that I often forget what my problem really is. Oh yeah, it is the disease still affecting my dad. That is the easy answer I’m never allowed to utter.
How Does The Child Of An Alcoholic Get Better?
Like so many problems with addiction, I first have to admit I have a problem. I grew up in an alcoholic home and I need to own it. It created the framework for all of my thought processes like:
Don’t take the last of the tea without making more or I would be screamed at
Don’t leave my curling iron out on the counter or I would be screamed at
Never leave dirty dishes in the sink or I would be screamed at
Don’t ask for money there wasn’t any
Don’t ask for a ride we are busy
I couldn’t miss church or I would go to hell
Don’t make noise it will disturb someone
Don’t be a cry baby no one wants to hear you
Because I spent 40 years being afraid, it makes sense that I’ll spend the next 40 years learning to recover from this. So far, in the rooms I’ve learned to:
Progress, not perfection – Recovery isn’t a quick fix
More will be revealed – My mind protects me by only giving me digestible doses of the problem
When the student is ready, the teacher appears – I’m not on this journey alone. Help will arrive just in time
I’ve learned to trust in a loving Higher Power, who is far different than the one I grew up with. I can’t rush getting over these childhood wounds. It’s going to take time and love. Until I can give myself those, it’s best for me to seek support in group fellowships. Some that specialize in these are:
Al-anon & Alateen
Adult Children of Alcoholics
Co-dependents Anonymous
To find family support resources, visit Recovery Guidance’s Family Support Page.
Follow our recovery lifestyle on Instagram!
The post My Elephant In The Room Is An Alcoholic Parent appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
7 Tips To Turn Off Your Brain
Want to restore your wasted energy? Start by refocusing your monkey brain. Monkey brain is a term for repetitive thinking that uses up energy or fuels negative feelings without solution. There’s a difference between compulsive thinking devoted to problem solving and brooding without a purpose. At its least destructive, monkey brain wastes time precious time and energy. At its worst monkey brain prevents you from taking care of yourself when you’re in danger, feeling joy, solving problems, restoring relationships, even having success at work. Here are 7 monkey brain traps and tips for escape.
Indecisive Monkey Brain
Say you’re ecstatic about getting married next year but brood about the details so much that even your fiancé is exasperated. Monkey brain is the difference between getting all your choices together and deciding and… well, not deciding, but rather having an endless debate about the same things. You could write a book, plant a garden, save the world in the time you let tiny details take up residence in your head. People who have trouble making decisions often have monkey brain. They think about the pros and cons of everything not just once, but endlessly. What do do about indecisive monkey brain:
Set a timeline for every decision you have to make
Gather your information
Seek the advice of loved ones
Divert your attention by giving yourself something new to decide on once this decision is made
Make your decision and move on to the new project
Procrastination Monkey Brain
Procrastination is so common. We all do it. Some things we just don’t like to do and put them off. We do the things we have to do first, and sometimes not even them. What about those things we don’t like to do, think about endlessly, get nagged about, but still do nothing? Dwelling on unfinished tasks is monkey brain that keeps you feeling bad about yourself. You can’t check items off your to-do list and say, “done.” What can you do about procrastination monkey brain?
A lot of practice is needed to stop procrastinating and just set a deadline. If you’re procrastinating because it’s a lifetime habit, writing down a date for completion might help to get it done. But setting a date might not help. If your secret intention is simply not to do it, therapy might be needed to move you along.
Annoying Monkey Brain
This is related to procrastination but has a slightly different outcome because you’re telegraphing your monkey brain to others. It’s not task-oriented in terms of things you need to do and think about but can’t get done. When your monkey brain is attached to unrealized goals and you talk about them endlessly, it can be irritating to others. You think obsessively about wanting to lose weight, exercise more, make better food choices, resolve relationships, get the leaves raked, or just accomplish something. You think about both the wish and failure to act, both of which make you feel horrible. And then you talk endlessly about both the want to do it, should do it, and don’t do. What to do about your annoying monkey brain:
Give yourself goals you can accomplish: read a book, do the laundry, do something for a friend. Go to a movie. Distract yourself in a good way. You won’t lose weight by obsessing about it, so do something else. Really. Get in the habit of giving yourself goals you can fulfill.
Find new topics to talk about with your friends and family.
System Justifying Monkey Brain
When someone develops negative thinking, say in the political arena, monkey brain can fuel passion and prevent people from finding common ground. No examples needed here. We know how what systems justifying is. It means your system of belief is the only one and you will do anything to make others feel as you do. Facts don’t matter, and core issues don’t matter. You can listen to and think only about you system. Monkey brain in the political arena is a deeply distressing daily challenge because there is no unity, compassion, kindness. Only winning. Take deep breathes every day, and do something productive. On both sides of the equation monkey brain is a problem. What can you do about it.
Obsessing to justify your position or to stoke your rage simply hurts everyone
Do something practical. Volunteer and help whatever cause you believe in
Find another subject or hobby for discussion with friends
Grieving Monkey Brain
It’s one thing in that first year after a divorce or death of a loved one to feel the feelings and think about them every day. Grieving is important. You need to feel the feelings. Humans have feelings, so it’s all right to mourn a loved one, a relationship, employment, and so many other things that may have gone wrong in your life. Some people watch the same movie over and over to help them grieve. But if, five years later you’re still thinking the same thoughts and can’t move on, you have the grieving monkey brain. Help is called for. If you have monkey brain about a loved one or someone whom you can’t help you are on a treadmill that goes nowhere. You’re traveling on a train that’s stuck in a tunnel and you can’t see the light of day.
Get some help. Find a therapist
Help someone in need. Reach out and focus your mind on something outside of you
Do something to improve the lives of others
Read a book
Return to the things you used to love and get involved with them again
Can’t Let Go Monkey Brain
Ever hear someone tell you to let it go, but you keep raging, hurting, worrying about the same thing. Say you’re angry at a sibling and dwell on an event from the past in such a way that rage bubbles up frequently, keeping you in a state of constant hyper reactivity. You keep remembering the words, the way it happened, the humiliation or rage you felt. You build a case against that person and embellish on it until you live in a city of grievances and angry thoughts. What do do about letting go:
When you volunteer or help others, you will find positive experiences and friendships that can replace and lessen the disappointments from the past
Imagine yourself without the grievances, would it make you a happier person
Awareness of the issues inside of you (not the other person) may help you move on
Abuse Relationship Monkey Brain
If someone is hurting you, either physically or emotionally, or hurting your children you need to take action. If someone in your life is a substance user or has other behavioral disorders, you need to do more than think about it and wonder if you’re crazy. Monkey brain only makes the abuse cycle worse. You need to get help, even if it’s just to accept what’s happening and to make a plan. It’s difficult to accept that someone you love is hurting you. It’s difficult to make the decision to get away. It’s even harder to actually take the step.
Tell your family and friends
Get a therapist
If you’re in immediate danger call the domestic violence hotline
Monkey brain is dwelling with no purpose. Remember broken records, when the needle was caught on a scratch? Now, we might think of monkey brain as a road to nowhere, or something like a gif that plays the same thing over and over. Most people don’t have monkey brain about accomplishments, gratitude, wonderful relationships with others, and successes at work. Instead, on a more negative track, focus and thought repetitions tend to reinforce feelings of insecurity, poor self esteem, helplessness or anger. What I do to stop obsessing about things I can’t control:
About politics: I hit the pause button on social media and watching the news
About work: I give myself timeouts. After 6PM On Weekends, I do something I like that makes me feel good. I admit I do like TV
Refocusing the brain—I learn new things. I read a lot. I cook something every day. I walk outside. I will get back to playing the piano again soon. I promise.
Follow our life in recovery on Instagram!
The post 7 Tips To Turn Off Your Brain appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
7 Can Do Escapes From Monkey Brain
Want to restore your wasted energy? Start by refocusing your monkey brain. Monkey brain is a term for repetitive thinking that uses up energy or fuels negative feelings without solution. There’s a difference between compulsive thinking devoted to problem solving and brooding without a purpose. At its least destructive, monkey brain wastes time precious time and energy. At its worst monkey brain prevents you from taking care of yourself when you’re in danger, feeling joy, solving problems, restoring relationships, even having success at work. Here are 7 monkey brain traps and tips for escape.
Indecisive Monkey Brain
Say you’re ecstatic about getting married next year but brood about the details so much that even your fiancé is exasperated. Monkey brain is the difference between getting all your choices together and deciding and… well, not deciding, but rather having an endless debate about the same things. You could write a book, plant a garden, save the world in the time you let tiny details take up residence in your head. People who have trouble making decisions often have monkey brain. They think about the pros and cons of everything not just once, but endlessly. What do do about indecisive monkey brain:
Set a timeline for every decision you have to make
Gather your information
Seek the advice of loved ones
Divert your attention by giving yourself something new to decide on once this decision is made
Make your decision and move on to the new project
Procrastination Monkey Brain
Procrastination is so common. We all do it. Some things we just don’t like to do and put them off. We do the things we have to do first, and sometimes not even them. What about those things we don’t like to do, think about endlessly, get nagged about, but still do nothing? Dwelling on unfinished tasks is monkey brain that keeps you feeling bad about yourself. You can’t check items off your to-do list and say, “done.” What can you do about procrastination monkey brain?
A lot of practice is needed to stop procrastinating and just set a deadline. If you’re procrastinating because it’s a lifetime habit, writing down a date for completion might help to get it done. But setting a date might not help. If your secret intention is simply not to do it, therapy might be needed to move you along.
Annoying Monkey Brain
This is related to procrastination but has a slightly different outcome because you’re telegraphing your monkey brain to others. It’s not task-oriented in terms of things you need to do and think about but can’t get done. When your monkey brain is attached to unrealized goals and you talk about them endlessly, it can be irritating to others. You think obsessively about wanting to lose weight, exercise more, make better food choices, resolve relationships, get the leaves raked, or just accomplish something. You think about both the wish and failure to act, both of which make you feel horrible. And then you talk endlessly about both the want to do it, should do it, and don’t do. What to do about your annoying monkey brain:
Give yourself goals you can accomplish: read a book, do the laundry, do something for a friend. Go to a movie. Distract yourself in a good way. You won’t lose weight by obsessing about it, so do something else. Really. Get in the habit of giving yourself goals you can fulfill.
Find new topics to talk about with your friends and family.
System Justifying Monkey Brain
When someone develops negative thinking, say in the political arena, monkey brain can fuel passion and prevent people from finding common ground. No examples needed here. We know how what systems justifying is. It means your system of belief is the only one and you will do anything to make others feel as you do. Facts don’t matter, and core issues don’t matter. You can listen to and think only about you system. Monkey brain in the political arena is a deeply distressing daily challenge because there is no unity, compassion, kindness. Only winning. Take deep breathes every day, and do something productive. On both sides of the equation monkey brain is a problem. What can you do about it.
Obsessing to justify your position or to stoke your rage simply hurts everyone
Do something practical. Volunteer and help whatever cause you believe in
Find another subject or hobby for discussion with friends
Grieving Monkey Brain
It’s one thing in that first year after a divorce or death of a loved one to feel the feelings and think about them every day. Grieving is important. You need to feel the feelings. Humans have feelings, so it’s all right to mourn a loved one, a relationship, employment, and so many other things that may have gone wrong in your life. Some people watch the same movie over and over to help them grieve. But if, five years later you’re still thinking the same thoughts and can’t move on, you have the grieving monkey brain. Help is called for. If you have monkey brain about a loved one or someone whom you can’t help you are on a treadmill that goes nowhere. You’re traveling on a train that’s stuck in a tunnel and you can’t see the light of day.
Get some help. Find a therapist
Help someone in need. Reach out and focus your mind on something outside of you
Do something to improve the lives of others
Read a book
Return to the things you used to love and get involved with them again
Can’t Let Go Monkey Brain
Ever hear someone tell you to let it go, but you keep raging, hurting, worrying about the same thing. Say you’re angry at a sibling and dwell on an event from the past in such a way that rage bubbles up frequently, keeping you in a state of constant hyper reactivity. You keep remembering the words, the way it happened, the humiliation or rage you felt. You build a case against that person and embellish on it until you live in a city of grievances and angry thoughts. What do do about letting go:
When you volunteer or help others, you will find positive experiences and friendships that can replace and lessen the disappointments from the past
Imagine yourself without the grievances, would it make you a happier person
Awareness of the issues inside of you (not the other person) may help you move on
Abuse Relationship Monkey Brain
If someone is hurting you, either physically or emotionally, or hurting your children you need to take action. If someone in your life is a substance user or has other behavioral disorders, you need to do more than think about it and wonder if you’re crazy. Monkey brain only makes the abuse cycle worse. You need to get help, even if it’s just to accept what’s happening and to make a plan. It’s difficult to accept that someone you love is hurting you. It’s difficult to make the decision to get away. It’s even harder to actually take the step.
Tell your family and friends
Get a therapist
If you’re in immediate danger call the domestic violence hotline
Monkey brain is dwelling with no purpose. Remember broken records, when the needle was caught on a scratch? Now, we might think of monkey brain as a road to nowhere, or something like a gif that plays the same thing over and over. Most people don’t have monkey brain about accomplishments, gratitude, wonderful relationships with others, and successes at work. Instead, on a more negative track, focus and thought repetitions tend to reinforce feelings of insecurity, poor self esteem, helplessness or anger. What I do to stop obsessing about things I can’t control:
About politics: I hit the pause button on social media and watching the news
About work: I give myself timeouts. After 6PM On Weekends, I do something I like that makes me feel good. I admit I do like TV
Refocusing the brain—I learn new things. I read a lot. I cook something every day. I walk outside. I will get back to playing the piano again soon. I promise.
Follow our recovery lifestyle on Instagram!
The post 7 Can Do Escapes From Monkey Brain appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
October 6, 2018
The ‘Safest Level Of Drinking Is None,’ Says Alcohol Study
A comprehensive worldwide study of alcohol use and its impact on health concludes that the safest level of consumption is zero.
The Global Burden of Disease Study 2016 has calculated levels of alcohol use and its effects on health during 1990–2016 in 195 countries.
The research, which now features in the journal The Lancet, notes that in 2016, alcohol use was responsible for almost 3 million deaths globally.
Alcohol use was the main cause of death for people aged 15–49 that year, accounting for 12 percent of deaths in men of that age.
“Our findings,” says senior study author Dr. Emmanuela Gakidou, who currently works at the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation (IHME) at the University of Washington in Seattle, “are consistent with other recent research, which found clear and convincing correlations between drinking and premature death, cancer, and cardiovascular problems.”
She and her colleagues conclude that the “safest level of drinking is none.” They explain that this is “in conflict with most health guidelines, which espouse health benefits associated with consuming up to two drinks per day.”
Large variations in drinking patterns
More than 500 researchers, academics, and other collaborators from over 40 countries worked on the study.
To estimate global alcohol consumption, they used data from 694 studies and then used another 592 studies covering 28 million people to examine impact on health.
The results revealed that 32.5 percent of people worldwide drink alcohol. Among women, the proportion of those who drink is 25 percent, whereas for men it is 39 percent.
On average, women drink 0.73 alcoholic beverages per day, whereas men drink 1.7. The study defines a standard alcoholic drink as one that contains 10 grams of “pure ethyl alcohol.”
This measure is somewhat less than that used in United States guidelines on alcohol consumption. These state that a standard drink has around “14 grams of pure alcohol.”U.S guidelines typically give 14 grams, or 0.6 fluid ounces, as the amount to be found in a 12-ounce can of 5 percent beer, or 5 fluid ounces of 12 percent wine, or a 1.5 fluid ounce shot of 40 percent whisky, rum, and other spirits.
The study found large variations in drinking patterns among different countries. Denmark had the highest proportion of drinkers (97.1 percent of men and 95.3 percent of women), while Bangladesh and Pakistan had the lowest (0.3 percent and 0.8 percent, respectively).
Average levels of drinking were revealed to be the highest in Romania for men (8.2 drinks per day) and in Ukraine for women (4.2 drinks per day).
The lowest levels were in Pakistan for men (0.0007 drinks per day) and in Iran for women (0.0003 drinks per day).
‘We need to act urgently’
The researchers calculated the health risk in people aged 15–95 years of consuming one alcoholic drink per day for 1 year compared with abstaining.
They revealed that this raised the risk of developing or experiencing 1 of the 23 “health problems” mentioned in the study by 0.5 percent.
At population level, this means that the number of individuals developing or experiencing 1 of the 23 problems over the course of a year is 918 out of every 100,000 for those who drink one alcoholic beverage per day, compared with 914 out of every 100,000 for those who don’t drink.
The health problems covered in the study include:
cardiovascular disorders such as stroke and heart disease
several cancers, such as of the breast, liver, and parts of the digestive tract
diabetes, pancreatitis, and other non-infectious diseases
tuberculosis, respiratory, and other infections
unintentional injury
violence
self harm
traffic-related injury
“Previous studies,” notes lead study author Dr. Max Griswold, who also works at the IHME, “have found a protective effect of alcohol on some conditions, but we found that the combined health risks associated with alcohol increase with any amount of alcohol.”
‘Change emphasis in alcohol guidelines’
Dr. Gakidou urges that governments need to alter policies so that they emphasize either “lowering people’s levels of alcohol consumption or abstaining entirely.”
In countries such as the U.S., public health information on alcohol and health tends to focus either on the dangers of excessive alcohol consumption or on keeping drinking to moderate levels.
There is often little mention of the fact that no consumption at all is the safest. For instance, the fact sheet on alcohol and health from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) starts with “[d]rinking too much can harm your health.”
It then cites statistics about the effects of excessive drinking. During 2006–2010, excessive alcohol consumption in the U.S. resulted in around 88,000 deaths per year, cutting the lifespan of those who died by an average of 30 years. Among adults aged 20–64 years, it led to 1 in 10 deaths.
The 2015–2020 Dietary Guidelines for Americans advice on alcohol use opens with “[i]f alcohol is consumed, it should be in moderation” and then goes on to define moderate drinking as no more than two drinks per day for men and no more than one for women.
That being said, there is mention that the guidelines do “not recommend that individuals who do not drink alcohol start drinking for any reason.”
“We now understand,” says Richard C. Horton, who is editor-in-chief of The Lancet, “that alcohol is one of the major causes of death in the world today.”
“We need to act urgently to prevent these millions of deaths,” he adds.
“The myth that one or two drinks a day are good for you is just that — a myth. This study shatters that myth.”
Dr. Emmanuela Gakidou
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13 Little Ways You Can Help Someone Who Has Experienced Trauma
From Huffington Post By Nicole Pajer:
It can be hard to watch a friend or loved one deal with the aftermath of a sexual assault or physical trauma and not know how to help them or what to say. But that doesn’t mean it’s better to disappear. Your support is imperative: Research shows that leaning on loved ones can have a multitude of benefits for trauma survivors, such as helping them to adjust back into normal life following their incident.
“Being there for your loved one will not take the pain away, but it can help by giving them emotional support, which has been shown to be helpful in trauma recovery,” said Jacquelyn Strait, a licensed psychologist at Winding Way Therapy in Friendswood, Texas.
Experts note that it’s especially important to be available for a friend or loved one during periods where their trauma may resurface. Triggers can include the anniversary of an incident, such as the October 2017 Las Vegas shooting, seeing someone that resembles their attacker, or a sexual assault case that’s all over the news.
“The political madness of sexual trauma, assaults, Me Too movements ― all of it is messy and it makes me uneasy and angry,” said Sarah Renee Langley, a licensed professional counselor and sexual assault survivor, who noted that she herself has benefited from the support of friends and family recently when she’s been feeling triggered.
Below are just a few ways you can help someone who has experienced trauma:
1. Realize that a trauma can resurface again and again.
In June 2017, Matt Mika was coaching the congressional GOP baseball team when a gunman opened fire, causing him nearly fatal injuries. Though he’s over a year out from the incident, the 40-year-old director of government relations for Tyson Foods said that it’s important for people to know feelings associated with the event can quickly resurface and survivors may therefore need support even years after an event.
“My parents’ neighbors were having a new roof put in, and that really unsettled me. Anything that sounds like that rifle shot or that gunshot can really unsettle me,” Mika said.
Brandy Diaz, a sexual assault survivor, added that news stories can also prompt memories of past traumas, like the coverage of Christine Blasey Ford’s Senate testimony, in which she discussed her allegation that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her in the 1980s.
2. Know that little gestures go a long way.
You don’t have to make a grand gesture in order to make a difference. Sarah Sauer, a survivor of the Las Vegas shooting, noted that things like a heartfelt note, a meal or offering to do a fun activity helped her feel loved and supported.
“Sometimes the best healing can come from a neighbor who happens to be walking to the mailbox but genuinely asks how you’re doing and gives you their time to listen,” Sauer, 35, said.
Even if you don’t know the person extremely well, showing that you are thinking of them goes a long way. Sauer said some of the kindest forms of support she received came from people she hardly knew, like parents of her kids’ classmates at school or members of her church.
3. Reach out on social media.
“As superficial as this may sound, the outpouring of love, support and encouragement on Facebook was really comforting,” said Jennifer Birn, 42, who also survived the Vegas shooting.
“Most people don’t have the privilege of seeing how their friends and colleagues would react if something terrible happened to them, but surviving a trauma, you do, and people say things often not thought or said until it’s too late,” Birn added.
4. Ask before you hug someone.
It may be human nature to want to wrap your arms around a loved one who has just been through a trauma, but that may not be the best thing for them in the moment.
“Especially right after the incident, you have to careful about physical touch,” said Mika, who explained that following the attack, he appreciated visits by friends and family but shied away physical contact until he acclimated back into his routine. “It took me a while, even with my girlfriend who has been a saint throughout all this. I didn’t immediately want to sleep in the same bed.”
5. Don’t blame the victim.
When speaking with someone about their assault, it’s important to do so in a way that doesn’t make the survivor feel like the incident was their fault or that they could have done something differently to prevent it.
David Spiegel, associate chair of psychiatry at the Stanford University School of Medicine and director of the Stanford Center on Stress and Health, said to refrain from questions like, “Why did you let this happen to you?” or “Couldn’t you have avoided it or fought him off?”
As a general rule of thumb, Spiegel said, “Anything that blames the victim just reinforces inappropriate guilt.”
6. Help them relax.
“After someone experiences trauma and is dealing with stress, they need to relearn how to relax,” Langley said. This could mean helping a bookworm to rediscover their love of reading, taking a music fan to a concert or making them a playlist of their favorite artist’s music.”
“Whatever it is that your loved one generally enjoys doing, you should encourage that ― and even better if you join your loved one in doing the things they want to do so that they have good company,” she said.
7. Suggest a support group.
“There is no replacement for connections with other people who have been through a similar struggle,” said Sal Raichbach, a licensed counselor at Ambrosia Treatment Center, which has locations across the country.
Raichbach noted that there are many trauma-specific support groups that are free of charge and even meetings that are specific to certain types of trauma, like childhood abuse and sexual assault.
“The more you can relate to the people in the group, the better chance they will have at recovering from their traumatic episode and building a support network,” Raichbach explained.
As an extra step of support, Langley recommended asking if your friend would like you to accompany them.
8. Give them space.
“It’s tough to find a balance, but you want to give a trauma victim their space without distancing yourself,” Raichbach said.
The best thing you can do is let your friend know that you care and are available should they need it, he added. That way, they don’t feel obligated to stick with plans if they aren’t feeling up to spending time together. And whatever you do, don’t force people to “get over it.”
“Don’t tell people to ‘forget it.’ They can’t. Show them that you understand how deeply the trauma affected them and that you want to help and care about them with what they went through,” Spiegel said.
9. Educate yourself.
The symptoms of trauma can be confusing to someone who has not experienced them firsthand. To gain understanding, try reading up on the subject.
“The more trauma-informed you can be in supporting others, the more they are able to relax and remember they are safe and supported,” said Lisa Olivera, a therapist in Oakland, California.
10. Don’t force them to talk about it.
Mark G. Agresti, a psychiatrist in Palm Beach, Florida, said that a person experiencing trauma has to take the lead in telling you what they want you to know.
“You can listen, but don’t ask too many probing questions, as that could be threatening and very unsettling for that person,” Agresti said. “Traumatized individuals are only able to reveal what happened to them when they are ready and no sooner.” Attempts to “force it out of someone” can often re-traumatize the person and it is therefore not helpful, he added.
11. Be patient.
Strait said that as part of a support system, you may find yourself the target of an angry outburst or find your loved one withdrawing from you.
“Be compassionate and understand that they have strong emotions to work through. Do not take it personally,” she said.
12. Accompany them to the scene of the crime (if they’re ready for that).
It can be therapeutic for a trauma survivor to face the scene of the incident, especially alongside a friend who is there to support them through the process.
“Take them back to the place where the trauma occurred to create a new memory there and face down fear. My friend Mimi did this for me,” Birn said. “She had me come back to Vegas over my birthday and coordinated a weekend, off the strip, that was so fun, relaxing and different than one I’d associate with Vegas or the festival, and it felt good to go back and not be scared.”
13. Watch out for warning signs.
“Trauma, when it has affected any aspect of someone’s life, is something to be concerned about,” said Doug Miller, a licensed clinical psychologist and forensic trauma expert.
As a result, the survivor is at a greater risk for suicide, depression and addictions, particularly as the severity of their trauma symptoms increase. Miller said that “periods of acute increases in any symptoms are times of increased concern.” He suggested keeping an eye on your friend and getting familiar with the signs of suicidal thoughts.
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Pill Popping Nation
We have become a pill-popping nation. We have become conditioned to run to the doctor’s office with every complaint. Every time we feel different, we think something has to be done. The hope is to alleviate any discomfort we have with a pill. We want to feel perfect at all times, and when we don’t there’s pressure to fix it with an outside, and instant, remedy. We have become a society of pill poppers in order to perform our basic human functions. We are ill to the pill. Constipated? There’s Ex-lax, Milk of Magnesia and Metamucil. Diarrhea? Imodium, Kaopectate, Pepto-Bismol. Nasal congestion? Sudafed. Runny nose? NyQuil. There are more over the counter drugs available today than ever. Do we need them all. What’s in your medicine cabinet? More than five years ago?
Pill Popping With Prescription Meds
Couple the proliferation of over the counter medicines with drugs which require a prescription, and it’s no wonder that so many people are inundated with medications. Depressed? There’s Celexa, Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft. Insomnia? Ambien, Lunestra, Rozerem. There are over 179 drugs for stress reduction and its side effects.
Antibiotics Not As Effective As They Used To Be
‘Superbugs’ exist now, due in part, to the overuse of antibiotics. These superbugs are multi-drug resistant strains of diseases which formerly were curable, but now can reach pandemic proportion. Tuberculosis, which was previously treatable with antibiotics, now has strains that are not only multi-drug resistant (MDR –TB), but extensively drug resistant (XDR-TB). In our quest to camouflage our symptoms with drugs, we have created a host of other concerns.
Pill Popping Doens’t Solve The Problem
A pill to quell symptoms never gets to the root of the issue. Discomfort and pain is not the enemy! Instead, they can be viewed as the body’s way of warning us that something is amiss and out of balance. What should be done about it is the real question, instead of what pills can be taken to alleviate it. Pills mask the why beneath the why. It’s through lifestyle change and self-discovery that new habits are created out of old, outmoded ways of thinking.
Better than Pill Popping Is Knowing Yourself
It’s more important to know what type of person has a disease, then what disease a person has. It’s by unearthing the story beneath the signs and symptoms of illness that we can heal not only the physical pain, but also the emotional, mental and spiritual. It is through integrative medicine and treating the whole person that balance is achieved. It doesn’t come from a tablet, a capsule or a pill. It comes from both physical and emotional awareness and understanding what we can do for ourselves to feel better, and where we should go for help when we need it.
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4 Stages Of Abuse Escalate Danger
For so much of my life I lived with the unknown: walking on egg shells, always wondering what was real, and trying to gauge my husband’s mood. This was life as I knew it, living with a husband who abuses alcohol repeatedly for 30 years. I didn’t know our marriage was constantly cycling through the four stages of abuse. But thousands of people live with abusers who don’t have substance use disorder.
Abuse comes in many forms. Hitting can be part of it, but doesn’t have to be. Emotional abuse is negative and destructive conditioning that just goes on an on. My own life felt like a scary roller coaster ride I couldn’t get off. We kept repeating the same scenario over and over without my ever learning what was wrong, or how to stop it. Now I know about the four stages of abuse. Finally, I was able to make sense of my life of insanity. Perhaps you will see yourself in one of the stages of abuse and will take action to end your own cycle.
Tension Building Stage
For me this phase lasted a week or two at best, then we entered the Tension Building Phase. During this phase I could feel my stomach start to become sensitive to the changed atmosphere. My husband would become aggravated for no known reason, and nothing that had previously worked to calm him down, now worked. Life began to feel like a building storm. I didn’t know what was happening I just knew it was going to be bad. Here are the markers for the Tension Building Stage to be aware of:
Tension starts and steadily builds
Abuser starts to get angry
Communication breaks down
Victim feels the need to concede to the abuser
Tension becomes too much
Victim feels uneasy and a need to watch every move
Acting Out Stage
This is the stage where the trauma and hurt happens. For me it was either it was an ugly scene in public, or a private session of unleashing his rage on one of the children or me. Police would be called or a neighbor would inquire because they heard the yelling. No matter how the Acting Out Stage looked it would leave all of us exhausted, embarrassed, and wanting to find an answer to end the nightmare. During this stage of abuse any of the following can occur:
Any type of abuse occurs
Physical
Sexual
Emotional
Or other forms of abuse
Honeymoon Stage
Just when I was looking for a lawyer or a counselor to help myself my husband would enter the Honeymoon or Reconciliation Stage. During this phase he would bring me flowers, write me notes of apology, promise that “fill in the blank” would never happen again. I wanted to believe him so badly that I suspended all sense of reality and continued to stay in the stages of abuse. It is fascinating to me how my brain wanted to maintain the status quo no matter how awful it was. The abuser often fuels that by doing the following to help the victim believe she is being unreasonable:
Abuser apologizes for abuse, some beg forgiveness or show sorrows
Abuser may promise it will never happen again
Blames victim for provoking the abuse or denies abuse occurred
Minimizing, denying or claiming the abuse wasn’t as bad as victim claims
Calm Stage
This phase is often blended with the Honeymoon Phase because they look similar. I would enter the Calm Phase and my life was somewhat “normal.” My husband would go to work, there was food in the fridge, and the arguments were limited to normal everyday things, like bills and kids. During this phase there are often false signs that the abuse will stop forever:
Abuses slow or stop
Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
Promises made during honeymoon stage may be met
Abuser may give gifts to victim
Victim believes or wants to believe the abuse is over or the abuser will change
Finding Help
I endured this cycle many times before I decided to “go for help.” Even though I reached out for help many times over the years to marriage counselors, they never asked us about my husband’s drinking. No one put the pieces together that his addiction was the reason for much of our unhappiness. I thought it was normal to drink beer in the shower, before breakfast, and when you mowed the lawn.
Like many people living in the stages of abuse, I just got used to it. One of my many fears was living a life without drama. Even though abuse is horrible it made me feel alive. In a sad way I was addicted to this cycle of abuse. It was my normal and a life without drama looked boring. In fact, if my husband stayed too long in the Calm Phase I would push his button to start an argument just to get a little excitement going. I didn’t know how to live without the chaos. We were all sick.
Al-Anon was the first place I found that revealed there was another way to live my life without chaos and gave me the hope that I would grow to love serenity with time. I used the tools learned in Al-Anon: boundaries, choices, and self care to remove myself from the abuse. Over time our cycle of abuse died for lack of a victim. I pray yours does the same.
Abuse of any kind is wrong, and we all deserve to be safe in every relationship we choose to have.
If you need help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224
Phases Referenced from Hidden Hurt
Abuse imprisons people with shame and secrecy. ROR’s Break The Cycle of Abuse Poster empowers victims with four steps to take towards freedom. This powerful poster is perfect for schools, doctors’ offices, and break rooms. Downloadable file keeps your cost down. Print as 8.5″ x 11″ or have enlarged.
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October 5, 2018
5 Ways To Live With A Narcissist
Realizing your partner is a narcissist can be scary, and living peacefully can be difficult, yet it isn’t impossible. Here are some tactics that can help you live with the narcissist you both dearly love.
1. Learn
Learn as much as you can about narcissists and being in a relationship with one. Knowledge is power and you need to know what living with a narcissist looks like.
Narcissism is a spectrum that ranges from the merely self-absorbed to one who has a clinical diagnosis of narcissist personality disorder. A diagnosis validates what you are seeing with your loved one and the different struggles you both face. Most narcissists have one or more of these key traits in common:
Grandiosity
A sense of entitlement
Arrogance
Using people
Poor empathy
2. Understand
When dealing with narcissism, accepting the things you cannot change brings you a lot of serenity. First, recognize that for some, their narcissism covers up their internal pain. This helps you focus on compassion towards the partner. Be compassionate but understand they don’t really understand compassion. Remember the positive reasons why you are in the relationship. Write them down and review them often.
Understand that you must choose your battles because you will seldom win. Likewise, understand that narcissists seldom go to therapy because they believe everyone and everything around them is the problem and not them. Even if they go to therapy, the focus is on others and not on accepting responsibility for themselves.
3. Set Boundaries. Enforce Consequences. Repeat.
Set boundaries and then set more boundaries. For example, if your partner starts to berate you, tell her or him you will not accept this and then walk away. Explore with the narcissist the consequences of not changing unacceptable behavior. If the consequences are great enough, your loved one may try to act more appropriately.
Act, do not react, to the behaviors. Reacting means you give your power away to the narcissist. Reacting starts a battle of wits which you will never win. However, acting comes from a place of power. It keeps you focused on what needs to be focused on. Acting is a healthy way of communicating between equals; reacting comes from an emotionally upset position.
Accept that the boundaries will be challenged. Being challenged doesn’t mean the boundaries are null or unrealistic. It’s OK to stick to your guns, especially on big issues.
Have a healthy conversation about what it is like for you when your partner doesn’t focus on you. Don’t allow the conversation to become a defensive monologue. Focus on how both of you can communicate better.
4. Live In A Big World
Take care of yourself on all levels – physically, emotionally, intellectually, socially, and spiritually. This is about understanding and coping with your own wants and needs. Keep the focus on you. Participate in hobbies and leisure activities without the narcissist, as well as some with the person whenever possible.
Focus on the relationship and not just yourself. Helping your partner acknowledge healthy ways for both of you to cope will keep him or her from feeling like an attacked victim. For when this happens, your partner will be more likely to attack you.
5. Protect Yourself From Abusive Behaviors
Do not take on their blaming, belittling, and abusive ways. You are not at fault. Get emotional support from other family members (not your children) and from friends. You will not get emotional support from a narcissist unless it behooves her or him in some way.
Have a safe place where you can go, for even though the narcissist may not be physically abusive, their ego needs do become overwhelming to those around them. They are often emotionally neglectful and emotionally abusive to others.
See a therapist as needed. A therapist can teach you how to cope with the narcissist and give you options that you may need to explore.
Finally, realize that you may have to end the relationship for your own sake and for the children. Be prepared for this.
Only you can decide what to do regarding being in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic. Not all narcissists are alike. Some, who have just a few traits, may be willing to work on issues while those who fit the definition of a narcissistic personality disorder will be more challenging. Using the guidelines above can help you on this journey.
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Ben Affleck Emerges From 40 Days Of Treatment
From Ale Russian @ People: Ben Affleck is breaking his silence after completing a 40-day stay at a treatment center.
The actor, 46, posted a lengthy statement on his Instagram Thursday where he reveals he is now continuing outpatient care after wrapping up his stay this week. Affleck also thanks fans and family for the well wishes he has received while in treatment.
“The support I have received from my family, colleagues and fans means more to me than I can say. It’s given me the strength and support to speak about my illness with others,” Affleck says in the statement.
“Battling any addiction is a lifelong and difficult struggle. Because of that, one is never really in or out of treatment. It is full-time commitment. I am fighting for myself and my family.”
He continues, “So many of people have reached out on social media and spoken about their own journeys with addiction. To those people, I want to say thank you. Your strength is inspiring and is supporting me in ways I didn’t think was possible. It helps to know I am not alone.”
Affleck entered rehab on Aug. 22 after his ex-wife Jennifer Garner was seen arriving at his house twice throughout the day before driving the Justice League star to a treatment center, PEOPLE confirmed. He had been staying at the center, with only brief breaks to workout at home and attend business meetings, ever since.
“As I’ve had to remind myself, if you have a problem, getting help is a sign of courage, not weakness or failure,” Affleck writes. “With acceptance and humility, I continue to avail myself with the help of so many people and I am grateful to all those who are there for me. I hope down the road I can offer an example to others who are struggling.”
Affleck previously entered rehab in 2001 and, years later, announced he had completed treatment for alcohol addiction in March 2017. A source recently told PEOPLE that Affleck seemed to be taking this trip differently.
“Ben seems to take this rehab visit more seriously,” the insider said. “This time is different. He doesn’t want his kids to have to go through this again. Ben is really trying very hard to get better.”
Affleck shares three children — Violet, 12, Seraphina, 9, and Samuel, 6 — with Garner, 46.
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Did you know the 12 Steps, which have helped millions find recovery, can also help you find peace and serenity? Check out our latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.
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