Leslie Glass's Blog, page 329
October 13, 2018
Beautiful Boy Tries To Find A Punishing New Angle On Addiction
From The Atlantic:
The film, which stars Steve Carrell and Timothée Chalamet, adapts the memoirs of a father and son dealing with the ravages of crystal-meth abuse.
There are two perspectives at play in Felix Van Groeningen’s new film Beautiful Boy, reflecting the fact that two memoirs were adapted into a single tale about the ravages of addiction. The first, and more concrete, story centers on David Sheff (Steve Carell), an author and journalist who’s trying to solve his son’s substance-abuse issues through any means possible. The second is intentionally more elusive and frustrating, following Nic Sheff (Timothée Chalamet), the object of David’s anxieties, as he descends further and further into a crystal-meth habit.
David Sheff’s book was titled Beautiful Boy; Nic’s was called Tweak (both were published in 2008). Van Groeningen and his co-writer Luke Davies have interwoven the memoirs in some interesting (if not entirely successful) ways; they’re looking to present the surrealism of addiction, along with the unsurprising emotional toll. The result is a story about how the bastions of privilege and stability can be rendered inert by the blunt-force power of drug abuse. Nic has the right opportunities, he’s smart and creative, he gets into good schools, and his parents have plenty of resources. Van Groeningen methodically demonstrates how that can count for little in the face of crystal meth, but that’s the only takeaway from Beautiful Boy that felt fresh.
The film begins in medias res, with David asking a doctor for details on what exactly meth use does to the human body; he’s in search of a solution to Nic’s dependence that he knows is vanishingly remote. From there, the film cuts backward and forward in time, never settling into a linear narrative. That choice makes sense, since too many movies try to fit addiction stories into a neat, three-act structure: First comes substance abuse, then rock bottom, then recovery.Beautiful Boy begins at what seems like rock bottom, but there are plenty more rock bottoms to come, as well as multiple instances of false hope. Nic enters rehab programs that promote high success rates, but those numbers feel mythic at best. Sometimes he returns to stay in David’s gorgeous Bay Area home—a secluded, serene, expensive-looking edifice nestled in the woods—but eventually the family learns he can’t be trusted, no matter what tale he spins. Sometimes Nic is openly defiant and aggressive, other times he’s playful and innocent, but none of his explanations ever fully lines up with the truth. His disease is palpable in every room he’s in, but it takes David a while to fully acknowledge that.
I’ll confess I was much more invested in the father’s side of the story. Carell is a gifted actor, but recent dramatic efforts like Battle of the Sexes and Last Flag Flying were disappointingly one-note; in the former he was all bravado, in the latter he barely spoke above a whisper. David feels like a real person rather than a caricature, even when Carell raises his voice and might remind some viewers of his days as Michael Scott. But David’s cloistered life plays a big part in his journey to understanding that what’s happening to his child can’t be conquered by a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart between father and son.
Chalamet, one of the bright young acting talents in Hollywood today, has a very meaty role on his hands with Nic. He gets to be charismatic one second, monstrous the next; wired with energy, then barely conscious. There’s a mannered edge to his scenes with Carell, as he rants and raves with uncommon lucidity about how he still has a handle on his life. But his physicality is astonishing; Chalamet uses every bit of his wiry, frighteningly thin body to convey his ongoing loss of control. In supporting roles as David’s first and second wives, Amy Ryan and Maura Tierney are excellent but sadly underserved, stuck to the periphery of this never-ending melodrama.
Van Groeningen’s film works best at its most heartless. What David and Nic are enduring is nightmarish, and the director’s approach of abandoning straightforward storytelling is wise, making each new development seem increasingly dire. But even though the narrative has been chopped up, it’s still one that many viewers will have seen before. As the film drags on, the details become punishing and repetitive. Van Groeningen isn’t too curious about what got Nic into drugs, nor how he finally pulled out of the spiral. Beautiful Boy largely exists in between those two stories and ends up feeling like a limited, grueling experience.
The post Beautiful Boy Tries To Find A Punishing New Angle On Addiction appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
October 12, 2018
Domestic Abuse Doesn’t Have To Define You
Domestic abuse can be fatal in a family, especially when drugs and alcohol are involved. As a child who bore the brunt of my father’s abuse in my family, and an ex-girlfriend of a violent boyfriend, I’ve some experience of domestic abuse. Here’s the story of how that abuse set me up for intimate partner violence.
Child Abuse Leaves Lasting Scars
To escape the abuse, I was moved to the UK. Growing up though, I never understood why I lived in a different country than my father. As a 4-year-old American girl, it must have been quite a shock to adjust to British culture. I say “must have” because I have no recollection. For anyone who understands trauma, you’ll know the lack of memory it is associated with trauma. I lived in a volatile environment, and following our departure from America, I suffered with terrible separation anxiety. It can still plague me to this day.
The impact of domestic abuse has been long-standing. My first teenage relationship was with a physically and emotionally abusive boyfriend. One night, during a psychotic episode, he stalked our home, waited for my parents to go to work and then began smashing the windows. So young and naive, I still tried to help him. Fortunately, I was pulled away and the police got involved.
Even though I’ve never been involved with another physically abusive boyfriend, I’ve had my fair share of emotionally abusive, manipulative, and narcissistic ones. Those who would only ever get what they needed and eventually abandon me.
What Is Intimate Partner Violence?
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the US — in one year, that equates to 10 million people. Substance use has been associated with 40-60% of these incidents.
The Futures Without Violence Association defines intimate partner violence as,
“A pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors that may include inflicted physical injury, psychological abuse, sexual assault, progressive social isolation, stalking, deprivation, intimidation and threats. These behaviors are perpetuated by someone who is, was, or wishes to be involved in an intimate or dating relationship with an adult or adolescent, and one aimed at establishing control by one partner over the other.”
Self-Soothing Leads To Addiction
It’s no wonder with that background that I started drinking at 12-years-old. It was a way to soothe my trauma. Drinking eased the pain of separation from the small girl who still missed her father. And it lifted, albeit temporarily, the dark depression that would plague me throughout my life. This life led to one small trauma after another. Eventually I had full-blown substance use disorder and Complex PTSD.
It has taken years of recovery and therapy to come to a level of acceptance around my past and find long-term sobriety. And I’m sure it will take a lifetime to recover the ability to calm my nervous system when it always assumes there is a threat, especially around loud aggressive men.
My History Was A Gift
Of course, I’d never wish domestic abuse on anyone. For those who read this and identify: please seek help. There is life on the other side of this terror. We don’t often hear from the children of those who suffered from the effects of domestic abuse. We don’t see enough people coming out the other side and leading a healthy life. That is something I was determined to change, and that’s why I share my story. Had I not experienced that life, I wouldn’t have dual citizenship. I wouldn’t be able to relate to people around the world. Because of my abuse, I can empathize with others about having a violent father and boyfriend.
We are not our pasts, and we don’t need to repeat someone else’s pattern. It is possible to heal and share our experiences to help others.
For more information, please visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Fortunately for me, I get to change the pattern of behavior in my life, and with my family one day.
Follow our recovery lifestyle on Instagram!
Did you know the 12 Steps, which have helped millions find recovery, can also help you find peace and serenity? Check out our latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.
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Boundaries Have Consequences
In relationships and recovery, we talk about boundaries a lot. Boundaries show other people the behaviors we will and will not tolerate. You can fill in your own blanks: I will not let others ……Yell at me, lie about me, hurt me physically or emotionally, keep me under control. The list is endless. Boundaries can keep us safe from abuse of many different kinds. Setting boundaries has consequences that we start learning almost from the cradle.
We Learn To Test Boundaries
Think of the terrible twos. It’s nothing more than toddlers testing boundaries of their parents and other loved ones. Can I do this? How about this? No? Will I be punished?
Children learn about yes and no, and become masters of the ‘no’ word. As children grow, they continue to test their boundaries, for this is how they learn healthy or unhealthy limits. Teens are also masters of testing boundaries for pushing limits is how they learn to become responsible (or not) adults. So boundary testing is a part of growth. Within boundaries, we learn what are acceptable and unacceptable behaviors.
Others Will Test Our Boundaries
Boundaries are made to be tested. When we set boundaries with others, we will find someone who pushes back against us. Some opposition will be mild, but sometimes, the push back maybe loud, volatile, or even abusive. So what do we do? Will we give in and relax our boundaries?
We must have a reinforcement plan. Setting the boundary is only the first step. We must plan how we will handle the inevitable push back. Our greatest defense is to let others face the consequences of disregarding our boundaries.
Real World Consequences Of Boundaries
Jon has a wife Alicia, two sons, and Alcohol Use Disorder. Alicia gave Jon an ultimatum: Get treatment or she will take the boys and leave. Jon has two DUIs and two past attempts at detox.
Alicia is fed up and angry. She tries to set boundaries and then backs down. When Jon got his second drunk-driving ticket, she left him in jail instead of posting bail. This is a perfect example of letting Jon suffer the natural consequences of his actions. Jon, however, knows Alicia is likely to back down, so he often sweet-talks her relaxing her boundaries.
This is a classic example of the dysfunctional addictive family system with all its nuances and boundary struggles. One of the most important things about boundaries is that we must allow the other person to suffer the natural consequences of his/her/their behavior. We do not cause these consequences and must remember this. Most importantly, we need to understand that suffering the natural consequences of a behavior is what helps us to learn and grow – or not. Just like with the two-year-old, we must continue to set boundaries with those around us no matter what the age.
Moving From Set In Sand To Set In Stone
Jon and Alicia are playing a familiar game. She sets a boundary. He complies at first, banking on the fact that Alicia has struggled in the past with enforcing the boundaries as she has given in to Jon. He knows she’ll cave.
This time, however, is different. Jon has pushed too far, and Alicia found reinforcements. She finally sees that while she can set boundaries, she struggles with keeping them. Alicia started going to Al-anon. She’s also been working with family and friends to help her to keep her promises. She now realizes that for herself and for the kids, that she follows through with her boundaries, allow her husband and her son to suffer consequences, and not accept any blame for doing what is needed to keep her family safe and healthy.
Boundaries For Dangerous People
Oft times, the person will try to manipulate you when you set consequences. You must then continue to focus on your needs and wants and stick to the boundaries you set.
If you give in, then nothing will change. In a sense, you must be like a broken record – setting your boundaries and continuing to set your boundaries.
Yet some people may become angry and abusive and even violent. When this happens, the first step is to get yourself (and children) to safety. At this time, there are no discussions, just action. When that person calms down, they you may try to approach him and focus on what you will and will not accept for any type of violence is unacceptable.
It takes an average of seven tries before a woman will leave an abusive relationship. The likelihood that he will change is minimal unless he seeks some type of treatment.
Unless the violence is a one-time event, then you will need to leave. There are supports in your local community that help to deal with abusive relationships – a women’s shelter, support groups, and counseling. And the most important boundary you set is the one that keeps you safe.
In short, being healthy means having boundaries, and that suffering the natural consequences of a behavior is what helps us to learn and grow – or not. Just like with the two-year-old, we must continue to set boundaries with those around us no matter what the age.
Follow our recovery lifestyle on Instagram!
Did you know the 12 Steps, which have helped millions find recovery, can also help you find peace and serenity? Check out our latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.
The post Boundaries Have Consequences appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
October 11, 2018
The Tragic Story Of How An Addiction Podcast Grew Into A Recovery Community
From Vice:
After the overdose death of a ‘Dopey Podcast’ host, a founder shares the show’s unlikely path to popularity.
The friendship that spawned the Dopey Podcast began in March 2011, when two self-described addicts met in the smoking section of Mountainside Treatment Center, a Connecticut rehab encompassed by lush greenery. Dave, an ambitious, sharp-witted and inquisitive Jewish waiter working for a Jewish deli and Chris, an endearing, sweet and goofy American-Irish Catholic with impressive writing chops. Dave from Manhattan and Chris from Boston, the two became fast friends and made their long distance friendship work. After being discharged from Mountainside, they both did what addicts do best and ultimately relapsed.
Dave started smoking weed and popping pills, which seemed a manageable alternative to his previous heroin addiction, but naturally it led to disaster regardless. Chris’s relapse looked a bit different. Chris was managing a sober living house, looking after fellow addicts and confiscating drugs when necessary, until he locked himself in the manager’s office and consumed, smoked, and injected all the drugs he had confiscated. Heroin, crack, psychedelics, you name it, he took it and relapsed with a bang.
After the relapses, which happened at different times, Chris had acquired an impressive two years of sobriety and Dave five long and hard-fought months. With the friends now clean and in recovery at the same time, Dave, who had wanted to be a Howard Stern-esque radio host for some time, propositioned Chris with his latest project: a podcast where the two would tell their completely depraved, laugh-til-you-cry drug stories. Tales of total destruction that normies, or people completely removed from the drug world, might gawk at and find hard to fathom. For anyone who’s walked a mile in those shoes, and surely a few others as well, the war stories of their addicted pasts are wildly entertaining. Their chemistry is undeniable, hooking the audience and making listeners feel as though they’re sitting amongst friends. Just a couple of addicts keeping a bunch of other addicts company.
In the first episode, Dave and Chris claimed they were not making a recovery podcast. As Dave puts it in January 2016, the Dopey Podcast is “not about the next best thing, but about the last bad thing.” But as the budding podcasters early in their recovery evolved, so did the podcast. And as recovery became incorporated, it grew and gained traction, hosting guests like TV personality Dr. Drew, Howard Stern show comedian Artie Lange and former Guns n’ Roses drummer Steven Adler, to name a few.
In that same opening episode Chris used his flair for storytelling to paint a picture of himself running away from a California rehab called Impact—a rehab that sends a shiver down the spine of anyone who knows of it. Men and women aren’t allowed to hold eye contact there for more than a few seconds—just one of their rules that’s as strict as the rest. Rather than give a full-blown spoiler, I’ll just tell you the story involves third-wheeling it with rehab Romeo and Juliet runaways, an unusual traffic block, and a full-sized rotisserie turkey. Naturally anyone who tuned in for that one wanted more. In a later episode, Dave told an intense seizure story with perfectly timed Mexican food delivery—not what you’d expect to come across as a crowd-pleasing yarn.
Dave and Chris did occasionally want to hear someone else’s voice too, so they invited friends call in, read emails from listeners, and play voice memos from members of the Dopey nation, which is now nearly 10,000 strong and growing according to Dave. One of the most distinct draws is the candid nature of the material week after week and the way Dave and Chris engage with the listeners. It’s easy to see how their loyal following would feel like they really were a part of something bigger. At the end of each episode Dave and Chris sign off with, “Stay strong, Dopey nation,” addressing their subnation of addicts both sick and recovering within a much larger nation that has been impacted one way or another by addiction, specifically the opioid epidemic. Then an original song written and performed by Dave plays, an anthem of the addict’s mentality with lyrics like, “I wanna see a learjet liner take a dive, just to show all of these people what it means to be alive.”
When the podcast made it to episode 100 in October 2017, the duo opened the episode by reflecting on the past two years, discussing the future for themselves and the podcast. Thrilled at having made it to triple digits, they talked about where they’ll be when they reach quadruple digits, in approximately four and a half years time. “I’ll be a licensed clinical psychologist,” says Chris, then adding, “statistics say that I’ll be dead.” An Instagram follower had recently commented jokingly that he couldn’t wait until the episode that Dave and Chris relapse, initiating a discussion about what would actually happen if they did relapse.
“One of us will get injured and get pain meds and take them while doing Dopey,” said Chris in a jesting tone that can only be heard as eerie and foreshadowing when you listen to it now.
On the morning of July 24, Dave checked in with Chris via text, prompting a response telling Dave he was sleeping, he was good, he was alive. Three hours later Dave received a call from Chris’s girlfriend Annie, informing Dave that she had just walked into their home and found Chris’s body. As for when Chris exactly relapsed is still unknown but the people closest to him, after incessant over-analyzing, think it must have happened after Chris tore a ligament in his leg on vacation with his girlfriend. He was showing her how high he could karate kick. The precise nature of his prediction during episode 100, although said jokingly at the time, is unnerving.
Chris died while studying to be a doctor, attempting to understand and outsmart the very affliction that killed him. Dave announced the news to a shocked and devastatedDopey community via social media. Chris’s funeral was held in a massive Catholic church in Boston, the guest book was filled with hundreds of signatures and the priest read messages from listeners all over the world. Dave was one of the pallbearers.
When a fellow inpatient at your rehab goes out and overdoses, you’re prone to sadness but not surprise. When your rehab counselor goes out and overdoses however, it’s an entirely different set of emotions. Someone with a certain level of perceived stability in their recovery, even considered an authority on the means to a solid recovery, isn’t expected to fall off in such a drastic way. A permanent way. A deep sadness and profound shock rocked the community, thousands of people that considered the podcast—the debauchery, the recovery, the banter and Chris’s laugh—an important piece of their own recovery. Without missing a beat, Dave signed on and delivered the weekly episode, just days after Chris’s death. Dave said the two never missed an episode and he doesn’t intend to start now.
Since Chris’s death the downloads have doubled. Listeners have been tuning in to try and make sense of Chris’s relapse and untimely passing. It’s been a jolting wakeup call and an unfriendly reminder of what this disease is capable of. Dave has hosted Chris’s girlfriend Annie, many of Chris’s closest friends the evening of the wake, Dr. Drew returned and Dave brought on his fiance Linda for the first time in Dopey history. On Chris’s birthday, Dave declared the day the first Dopeyholiday and called it “Chrismiss,” and released one of the lost episodes, the first of several that had been deleted per Linda’s request.
As for the future of the podcast, Dave will continue on, still vowing to release an episode every week. While initially the focus was to be solely on drug stories, it’s apparent now more than ever that Dopey’s main focus will be addicts living in recovery. “ Dopey will always have drug stories. It will always be about drugs, addiction and dumb shit,” says Dave. “But my favorite dumb shit is what happens in recovery, and living sober as a drug addict. It’s like a murderer working in a hospital.” Dave won’t be filling Chris’s seat any time soon and will solo hostDopey until further notice. Chris’s legacy will live on through the episodes, and the lives he touched all around the world.
The post The Tragic Story Of How An Addiction Podcast Grew Into A Recovery Community appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
October 9, 2018
5 Ways To Actually Stick To A Morning Ritual
From Yoga Journal:
You know it’s good for you. You’ve been trying to keep your commitment to this goal for a while. And yet, the snooze button wins out every time. If you can relate, read on for tips that’ll help.
A morning ritual is a gift you give yourself of time and attention. Starting the day mindfully puts you in control and allows you to choose positive actions that nourish you. But like any good habit, it can be difficult to make your morning ritual stick. The secret? Learn how to customize your practice to your life. Here’s how.
Tip No. 1: Move your morning ritual to later in the day if it’s just not working for you.
If your mornings are crazy, you may not be able to fit anything else in. That’s OK. You can create a ritual to practice any time of day that works for you and still enjoy its benefits. The point is to carve out some space every day to put yourself first, prioritize your needs over anyone else’s, and do something that’s just for you. It doesn’t matter exactly what time you choose to tune in to yourself and what makes you happy, as long as you make the time.
Tip No. 2: Consider moving your morning ritual off the meditation cushion.
Sticking to your ritual will be easier to do if you respect the way you’re made. Read: Don’t choose a practice because it’s “good for you” or because someone you admire does it. Your ritual should nourish your soul and lift you up, not weigh you down. Make it something fun—ideally, something you can’t wait to do each day.
Yoga instructor and creativity coach Lezlie Laws has a client who has a gorgeous garden, and every morning she walks barefoot down one side and up the other. “She does this three hundred and sixty-five days a year, regardless of the weather,” says Laws. “It connects her to nature, which is very important to her, and her day goes better when she does that.”
Tip No. 3: Try doing something creative.
Starting the day by “playing” may seem like slacking off, but it can actually boost your productivity. Ideas include meditative drawing, painting, knitting, writing, or singing. Or, have a short dance party—it’s more fun than exercising, easy to fit in to a busy morning, and will rev up your energy while putting you in a good mood.
“Painting is a form of meditation for me,” says creativity coach Tracy Verdugo. “The state we go into when we’re meditating is the same as being in flow when we’re making art, so those activities do have a similar effect on your brain. Painting helps me let go of distractions and ‘busy-ness,’ and provides the space I need to let go of what’s worrying me and to drop the chatter for a while.”
Tip No. 4: Include someone who makes you happy in your morning ritual.
Sometimes what we need is connection with our inner self; sometimes what we need is connection with others. For life coach Christie Federico, talking on the phone to a friend in the mornings has become a morning ritual. “It’s very important to me to feel connected, and since I live alone, this is an excellent way to do that,” she says. “Talking with my friend gives me a happy and fulfilled feeling, whether it’s through casual conversation, deep discussion, or just laughing together. Starting my day this way puts me in a good mood, which lasts all day long.”
Another idea: Steal a few moments alone with your partner, perhaps by sharing your coffee or tea together in a quiet spot or hugging for several minutes. (For maximum effect, try not to use this time to go over the day’s list! Just enjoy each other’s presence.)
Tip No. 5: Ditch your morning ritual altogether.
If you can cultivate mindfulness as you go about your usual activities, it can have the same restorative effect as a morning ritual. Breathing deeply when you wake up; pause to feel your feet on the floor before you get out of bed; pay attention to the sensation of warm water flowing over your skin in the shower; watch the clouds while sipping your coffee. These practices can all calm and center you, and they don’t require any extra time carved out of your day.
You can also try replacing an activity you already do that doesn’t serve you with one that lifts you up: Try listening to an inspiring podcast or music you love instead of checking social media or reading the paper, for example. After all, the entire point of creating a morning ritual is to treat yourself well. It’s not meant to be work. So, play with a variety of ideas and see what makes you feel best.
The post 5 Ways To Actually Stick To A Morning Ritual appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
Russell Brand On How He Recovered From Heroin Addiction
From Roy M. Wallack @ LA Times: Nowadays, it seems that everyone’s a self-made expert and addicted to something — drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, food, tech, social media, you name it. So it’s no surprise that actor, stand-up comedian, author, political activist and ex-heroin addict Russell Brand has added another hat to his closet full of them: addiction rehab advisor.
The loquacious Englishman, 43, best known in the U.S for his 2010 movie “Get Him to the Greek,” a brief marriage to singer Katy Perry and a rollicking Cockney flamboyance with the language, will be the keynote speaker at Wellspring, a three-day wellness festival in Palm Springs Oct. 26-28. The event will feature more than 200 classes on yoga, meditation and holistic medicine (wanderlust.com).
Below, he discusses his own recovery from addiction, his fitness activities and his 2017 book, “Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions,” a tribute to the traditional Alcoholics Anonymous-based 12-step program that helped his recovery.
Q: How did you go from kooky comedian to pop-culture guru of an unfunny topic like addiction recovery?
I hit rock bottom in 2003 with an addiction to heroin, which had cost me a job at MTV, a radio show, friends and girlfriends. I’d been doing drugs since age 19 and was a heroin addict for four years. Luckily, my (then-) manager and friend Chip Sommers stepped in, telling me I’d wind up either in a prison, lunatic asylum or graveyard. So I went to a 12-step program.
The classic 12-step AA program was created in the 1930s.
Q: Your book basically rewrites the steps in blunt street language with liberal use of f-bombs and seems to remove religious references. Why?
This book is not “new” — it’s just my interpretation of the 12-step method, which itself was derived from ancient self-help ideology. I wrote it the way I did because the classic program seemed a little bit exclusive, religious and pious, with a Christian-y feel that could be off-putting to some. After all, lots of Muslims and Jews and Hindus have addictions too.
Yet, that said, while not religious myself, in the book I agree with the need for an undefined higher power. Is that power God, science, our home group, the music of Mozart, the Sistine Chapel ceiling, the people that have loved me? All these allude to some power that is greater than me.
Q: You emphasize meditation. Did you get that Step 11 of the original program, which mentions it?
I have been aware of mediation for a long time before I did it. Drug use and interest in the counterculture have been wedded together from the days of the Beatles and the Beat poets, so meditation was a familiar idea. Now I do 20 minutes of Transcendental Meditation twice a day. It gives you a beautiful serenity. A selfless connection. A relaxed sense of oneness. It’s a cornerstone of recovery because it changes consciousness. It’s a shower for the brain. It teaches you that you are not your thoughts, not your feelings; you can simply witness them. It gives you a quiet space, a place of relief where peace and serenity are not contingent on the behavior of others.
Happily, I think my musings on meditation are having an impact. Every day now, some of my wife’s friends and other people I meet are telling me that they are meditating now due to reading the book. I just finished a film, and a guy who was driving me around said, “You know, I meditate now because of you.” It’s kind of surprising.
Q: I’ve heard people have used an “addiction” to running to help beat an addiction to drugs. Where do traditional fitness activities fit for you and and recovering addicts?
For me, daily exercise is important. I’ll go running, do Brazilian jiu-jitsu and also some quite aggressive forms of yoga. You have to design your own program, what’s right for your body and your mind. For me meditation is not nearly enough. I need exercise too. And community.
Q: Does community mean a support group like AA?
Yes. Inevitably, when reason wanes, when the spiritual experience wanes, being part of a community lets you remind one another. Addicts yearn for some sense of connection that makes them feel more healed, more whole, more happy. Sharing your story with another addict, as I did in my recovery, proved vital. Nothing I said to this other person was too boring or terrible or trivial to him. He related to me — and the disconnectedness that I had always felt lifted. And so did the need to take drugs.
Follow our recovery lifestyle on Instagram!
Did you know the 12 Steps, which have helped millions find recovery, can also help you find peace and serenity? Check out our latest book, Find Your True Colors In 12-Steps.
The post Russell Brand On How He Recovered From Heroin Addiction appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.
How Codependency Is Contagious
Two weeks ago, my very codependent mother came over for an afternoon visit. She’s negative, bossy, and controlling. She constantly worries about everyone else’s business, and her behaviors are highly contagious. Now, I have to fight off every instinct to pick up this sickness again.
Why She’s Contagious
People who had Chicken Pox are at risk for Shingles later in life because the virus lives on in the body, waiting to pounce. The same is true about people who live with addiction. Behaviors and family roles are ingrained in our psyche from years before.
I’m the only person in my family who embraces recovery, so they’re still functioning in their dysfunctional roles. They’re all codependent in different ways. It’s like they’re all stuck on a merry-go-round. Each person pulls on their bar to make the ride lean their way. But they’re all pulling in different directions, so they’re always spinning. Three years ago, I finally got sick of the ride and jumped off.
This week’s drama de jour is, of course, my brother Ricky. Three months ago, he was arrested. My Mom moved him into her house, so she could help him get back on his feet. Last Thursday, Ricky quit his job. My mom is furious and is once again going to tell him everything he needs to do to solve his problems. She’s also terrified that my dad will yell at Ricky for being so irresponsible. She can’t leave them alone because what if one of them says something the other one will never forgive?
It’s maddening and exactly why I moved out of town.
But the worst part is every fiber in my being wants to do the very thing my mom is doing that’s driving me so crazy!!!
I want to tell her what she should do and be the mediator between Ricky and my parents. But I don’t.
Progress, Not Perfection
To be honest, my Mom’s visit showed me two important things.
I have a very clear picture of why I’m in recovery and how I no longer wish to behave.
I have made a lot of progress. Detaching this time around was easier than it was last time.
During the visit with my Mom, I pulled out these recovery tools, I:
Didn’t tell her what I would do or what she should do.
Didn’t smooth over ruffled feathers or play the peacemaker.
Did sincerely empathize with how scared she might be.
When I felt uncomfortable, I politely changed the subject.
Looked up #detachment posts on Instagram.
Read my Al-anon books and journalled A LOT.
Kept quiet, but not in an angry, punitive way. I didn’t feed fruitless conversations.
Healing From The Virus
It’s not like I broke out in a new case of codependency, but I am highly triggered. My mom pushed all of my buttons and the drama is swirling. I need to take some time to detox. Here’s my plan to rejuvenate:
Focus on what I can change. I bought myself a new workout outfit and some of my favorite health foods.
I need to quiet my mind, but I don’t need quiet time for my obsessive thoughts to run wild. I will either pick up a few extra Al-Anon meetings this week or schedule some times to talk with my accountability partners.
I’m going to recognize and name my feelings. This situation with Ricky is heartbreaking. He has a disease and it tears our family apart. The sickness is so permeable that I limit my time with my only living family. This is a loss I must grieve.
I’m going spend some time ignoring my feelings. My feelings are important, but if I overfed them, they will grow into gigantic monsters. I’ve lost years of my life worrying about Ricky. I have to keep the focus on me. I only have one life to live and it’s mine.
Above all, I’ll be spending lots of time journaling, walking, and resting. Journaling is my number 1 go to. I write out prayers to my Higher Power. Sometimes I write on top of what I’ve already written so that my true feelings are protected by layers of scribbles. It gets the thoughts out of my heart and head.
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Club Drug GHB Long Term Effects
Scientists have discovered that regular use of the party drug GHB, and especially unconsciousness following GHB use, is associated with brain changes including negative effects on long-term memory, working memory, IQ, and higher levels of stress and anxiety. This work is presented at the ECNP conference in Barcelona, following partial peer-review publication.
GHB (gamma-hydroxybutyrate), also known as ‘G’, ‘liquid ecstasy’ (etc), is a central nervous system depressant. It is used extensively in clubs, but also in private house parties. It produces an initial feeling of euphoria in users, but it can also cause sleepiness, and users easily tip into a coma. Some regular recreational users will often fall into a coma, which can require hospital treatment: it is not unusual that regular GHB users have experienced more than 50 GHB-induced comas. Despite its limited recreational use, GHB overdose and coma is the third most common drug-related cause for emergency medical attendance in Europe, after heroin and cocaine, and this trend is increasing.
To understand the effects of GHB on the brain, a team of scientists from the Amsterdam UMC, recruited 27 GHB users who had experienced multiple GHB-induced comas (with a minimum of 4 comas), 27 GHB users who had never had a coma, and 27 volunteers who had used drug combinations (polydrug), but had never used GHB. Each person was asked to complete an adult reading test as proxy for IQ, anxiety, depression and stress questionnaires and they performed different neurocognitive tasks while undergoing a brain scan (fMRI, functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging).
There were two main findings. Firstly, GHB use, even in those who did not undergo a coma, was associated with alterations in identification of negative emotions. Secondly, the presence of GHB-induced comas, but not the use of GHB per se, was associated with lower IQ (despite similar educational level), and altered brain processes during verbal long-term memory and working memory. Additional analyses showed that these findings could not be attributed to group differences in the use of drugs other than GHB.
Lead researcher, Filipa Raposo Pereira, said “Surprisingly little is known about the effects of GHB in humans, and as far as we know, these are the first functional MRI scans to gauge the effect of the regular GHB use and multiple GHB-induced comas. Our results indicate that there may be risks involved in regular GHB use. This is particularly relevant to regular users with multiple GHB-induced comas; we found that these users show differences in cognition to either those who don’t fall into a coma, or drug users who have never used GHB.
In an as yet unpublished study, we show that those with multiple GHB-induced comas also have 63% more stress and 23% more anxiety, and alterations in long-term memory. MRI scans also show that there are changes to the brain, with some areas showing altered brain activity and connectivity between memory-related cerebral pathways. These results show that there are brain and cognitive changes associated with multiple GHB-induced comas. Most users experience only the feeling of elation followed by drowsiness or sleep, so they don’t see that there might be any negative effects. This work indicates that might not be the case.”
Commenting, Professor David Nutt (Imperial College, London) said: “This research is interesting and recreational users should be made aware of these findings. They probably reflect periods of hypoxia due to excessive GHB concentrations in brain. When GHB is used in a regulated fashion as a medicine — for example, for narcolepsy — there doesn’t appear to be a similar risk, so patients on this medicine should not worry.”
According to Filipa Raposo Pereira “There are a couple of points to note about her study. Firstly the study was conducted exclusively in male volunteers, so the results may not be generalizable to female GHB users. A second thing to bear in mind is that we have found an association between GHB use and brain and cognitive changes, so we need to be with causal interpretations; we would need a different type of study to confirm this.”
From Science Daily
Story Source:
Materials provided by European College of Neuropsychopharmacology. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.
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October 8, 2018
The Love Addiction Quiz
From Psychology Today:
In an earlier post, I explored the relationship between Anthony Bourdain’s suicide and his being in “love.” I also discussed a friend who evidenced an addictive relationship, texting his partner nonstop during lunch. These cases suggested to me creating a brief quiz for people to assess the potential addictive nature of their intimate relationships.
Love Addiction Quiz
Love and relationships quiz: Are you addicted to “love”?
1. I almost never go voluntarily to a social event without my partner.
2. I dread being alone.
3. I resent any time my partner spends with other people.
4. I filter every event or possible activity through my partner’s eyes.
5. When I spend a few free hours apart from my partner, I text or email them continuously.
6. When I’m apart from my partner or “lover” I refer everything back to them, in my mind or when speaking.
7. There is no one I ever want to spend time with more than my “lover” or partner.
8. I almost never try new activities or make new personal connections on my own.
9. My life has become significantly more limited due to my “love” relationship.
10. I don’t engage in activities or see people that my partner doesn’t like.
If you’ve answered six of these questions as “true,” or largely so, you might consider yourself to be in a love or relationship addiction.
P.S. A comment
Competent studies have shown that married people spend less time with
neighbors and extended family. Married people spend less time volunteering,
less time with civic engagement, more time watching TV, less time furthering
their education and less time exercising. This isn’t love addiction, the
shunning of the outside world and coupled insularity is standard acceptable
behavior by romantic couples in 2018.
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What To Do About Sexual Harassment at Work
There are many options for people who feel they have been sexually harassed. There is, however, absolutely no substitute for legal advice that is specific to your situation. Here are some important things to think about.
What is workplace sexual harassment?
Sexual harassment in the workplace is an umbrella term that encompasses a range of unwanted behaviors. This includes nonphysical harassment, including suggestive remarks and gestures, or requests for sexual favors. Physical harassment includes touches, hugs, kisses and coerced sex acts.
It can be perpetrated by anyone — a manager, a colleague, a client. The perpetrator or the recipient may be male or female. It does not need to occur inside the office. Your employer could still be responsible for investigating the incident and handling it appropriately.
“Let’s say you’re out with your boss and you’re having drinks after hours,” said Andrea Gosfield, a senior associate at Griesing Law, who counsels individuals and institutions on employment compliance. “Maybe you think you invited that kiss. Maybe you think you can’t file a report or a claim because you were complicit somehow by being off site. That is not the case. It could be anywhere.”
What Outcome Do You Want
Is your ultimate goal for the harasser to be removed from the company? Do you want to prevent others from being harassed by that person? Are you seeking monetary compensation?
“The first priority is for the individual to decide what it is that she really wants and the price she is willing to pay for that,” said Deborah L. Rhode, a professor of law at Stanford Law School and the director of its Center on the Legal Profession.
“Many people want the harassment to stop so they can do their job and advance in their companies,” said Suzanne B. Goldberg, a professor at Columbia Law School and the director of the Center for Gender and Sexuality Law at Columbia Law School. “Others, especially where the harassment has been severe, seek compensation from the employer for their lost earnings and emotional distress that resulted from the harassment.”
If you have experienced or witnessed sexual harassment and you want to take action, you have a number of choices
But first:
Whatever you plan to do, keep notes and evidence
“One of the most important things to do after an incident is to write down what happened, what was said or touched, who did it, whether anyone was around to witness what happened, where you were, what the time was,” Ms. Goldberg said.
Ms. Gosfield noted that it is helpful to keep notes in a bound notebook (“technology fails,” she said) and to make sure nothing is stored on work devices. Otherwise, “should anything go awry, your employer will have access to the logs you were keeping,” Ms. Gosfield said.
If there is any physical evidence — for example, a dress with fluids on it or pornographic images — save it.
When investigating or reporting on a complaint of sexual harassment, accusers will often be asked if they had confided in a friend, family member or colleague at the time of the event or events. Even if you never plan on taking action, confiding in someone at the time can be helpful if you change your mind about taking action later.
Now, for your options:
You can make a criminal complaint
If you were sexually assaulted, going straight to the police is a good idea.
“Every state is going to have its own definition of rape,” Ms. Gosfield said. Even the terms states use can be different. “One state may call rape ‘sexual assault.’ Another state may call it rape. When you’ve been victimized, sodomy is a crime in certain jurisdictions.”
Generally, in cases where the harassment included physical touching, coerced physical confinement or coerced sex acts, it could be considered a crime. If you want to start a criminal investigation, it’s important to know that there is a legal timeline.
“If you have been victimized and violated, probably one of the last things you want to do is go to a precinct and relive every detail,” Ms. Gosfield said. Nonetheless, it is important for law enforcement to have access to physical evidence — if there is any — as soon as possible.
You can file a complaint through your employer
If you are an employee, you can follow your employer’s procedure for filing a complaint. Typically this is the first step you should take, unless there is only one point person to report to and that person was the harasser.
If that situation doesn’t apply, and if you think you may want to file a lawsuit against the employer in the future, you have to report the harassment to your employer first. Otherwise, the employer has a defense, according to a judgment by the Supreme Court. Make sure all of your attempts at reporting the abuse are documented. “Write down everything and put everything in writing,” said Minna Kotkin, a professor of law at Brooklyn Law School and the director of the Brooklyn Law School Employment Law Clinic. “You don’t just go and talk to H.R.”
“Employers are given a lot of latitude to draft their policies,” Ms. Gosfield said. “No one says employers must have a policy that requires you to do X, Y and Z and have this reporting structure.”
Check your handbook or your internal company website. Hone in on it. Understand the chain of reporting that you should follow. Remember that employers may never have acted on their policies before and you may need to be diligent in pursuing your complaint. And company policy is not always up to date with the courts.
You can go to a federal, state or local agency
If you do not want to, or cannot file through your employer, or if you are unsatisfied with the results of your employer’s investigation, you can enter a complaint at the federal, state or local level. (You can also do this together with reporting the incident to your employer.)
At the federal level, you can go through the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Title VII of the 1964 federal Civil Rights Act prohibits sexual harassment.
You can also head to a Fair Employment Practices Agency. Here is a list. These are state or local administrative bodies that specialize in human or civil rights. Often if you file with a state or local agency, it will automatically co-file the claim with the E.E.O.C.
If one of the agencies finds that your complaint is warranted, it will issue a “right to sue” letter that allows you to bring the case to court. You need this letter in order to file a lawsuit.
With many state or local agencies, you can generally file a complaint without the help of a lawyer. “But often the processes are not quick, where a lawyer can typically intervene more quickly with an employer than a government agency,” Ms. Goldberg said.
Make sure you’re aware of statutes of limitations
Under Title VII, you have to file a claim with the E.E.O.C. within 180 days of the harassment. However, if your state has similar laws protecting workers from sexual harassment, you can file the complaint with both the state and federal agencies, which will extend the statute of limitations to 300 days.
And remember, Ms. Rhode said, “the statute of limitations doesn’t operate in the world of public opinion.” Even if years have passed since you were harassed and it is too late to file claims, you can speak about the incident publicly at any time.
You can make accusations in public
You can share your experience publicly through social media platforms or with the help of a reporter.
What to expect if you go public with your story
“One thing we know from social psychology studies is that people don’t like complainers,” said Joanna Grossman, the Ellen K. Solender Endowed Chair in Women and the Law at Southern Methodist University’s Dedman School of Law. “If you’re going public and on social media, you always run the risk that you get labeled a complainer, a problem, a liar.” But, she added, “that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. There may be benefits in connecting with other victims, pursuing justice and knowing the accuser won’t hurt someone else.”
You can expect threats, intimidation and investigation if you make public allegations.
There can be strength in numbers
If an employer is ineffective at pursuing complaints, you and other people who have experienced sexual harassment can “work together to protect each other or at least warn each other,” Ms. Grossman said.
“A lot of companies will tell you that you can’t disparage the company or its employees,” Ms. Grossman said. “That’s illegal. You can discuss any term or condition of employment, including complaining about sexual harassment by a co-worker. You can do it. There’s such a strong norm of not talking about your pay or your boss that it’s a social hurdle that prevents us from activating some of those more community-oriented approaches.”
Ms. Rhode said: “One of the triggering mechanisms in some of these cases has been the subculture of rumor and gossip that came to surround people who were serial harassers. When word gets around, you can be sure you’re not the only person who has experienced it. And then it takes one brave person to go public and others will follow.”
Should you confront the harasser
“You can say, ‘I do not want you to do this. It is offensive. Stop it immediately. I’m going to report you,’” Ms. Gosfield said. People who are being threatened or intimidated have to choose at that time between de-escalation, distraction or confrontation. No matter what you say at the time to remove yourself from the situation, confrontation can take place later, in safety, or with help.
What if you’re a freelancer
No matter your work situation, you always have the right to create a criminal complaint or to bring a lawsuit against the perpetrator. Other rights will vary state by state. “As a freelancer, in lots of situations, you’re just not going to have any rights,” Ms. Grossman said. “You’re relying on the good intentions of whoever hired you.”
Make sure you are definitely an independent contractor according to the law before you assume you are. “If you’re called an independent contractor but you’re sitting in a company’s offices and using their computers, you’re not and you can bring an action,” Ms. Kotkin said. She suggests checking guidelines from the Labor Department to understand your status.
“If you went through a hiring agency, alert the hiring agency about what has happened and seek assistance there,” Ms. Goldberg said. “If you’re freelancing for a company, an important first step is to alert the company about what has happened. Even if the company is not legally responsible, it may be able to take steps to help address the situation.”
But keep in mind the risks. “You have to understand you’re accepting the risk that you will lose the contract,” Ms. Grossman said. “Maybe that won’t happen and I hope it doesn’t. But there’s just not as much of a deterrent for that company since they’re not bound by nondiscrimination laws.”
It can sometimes be useful to have an upfront conversation with a hiring agency or a temporary employer about what practices are in place to address sexual harassment. Ask them, Ms. Goldberg said: “What is your policy for addressing sexual harassment that happens at a job placement? Where do I go if I am harassed at a job placement? Who is responsible? What steps will you take?”
What’s the deal with nondisclosure agreements, or N.D.A.s?
“An N.D.A. is where both parties agree that they’re not going to discuss the terms of the agreement or the allegations,” Ms. Gosfield said. Often the agreement is part of a broader settlement that offers the accuser monetary compensation.
“That makes the culture of silence so much more pervasive,” Ms. Gosfield said. “This never hits a court where there could be an opinion issued where everyone can understand that this is inappropriate, and what is the sanction, and what is going to be the consequence.”
What can happen if you violate an N.D.A.? You could be sued by the other party. “But I think the real reason people don’t violate N.D.A.s is that they’re not lump sum payments,” Ms. Rhode said. “They’re paid over a series of years and if you renege on the agreement, the payments stop.”
What to know about lawyers
“Many plaintiff counsels who are focused on victims of discrimination will work on contingency,” Ms. Gosfield said. Meaning, “The lawyer accepts a fixed percentage. If the client gets nothing, the lawyer gets nothing.”
Some lawyers charge for consultations and some do not. But they are “under ethical duty to tell you if you have a pursuable claim under state or federal law,” Ms. Gosfield said. Ask up front how the lawyer would be paid and if they would ask for payment for an initial conversation.
If you’re unsure of where to begin your search for a lawyer, try reaching out to your state bar association, which can make a recommendation.
By VALERIYA SAFRONOVA from the NYTimes
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