Jim Webster's Blog, page 57
March 21, 2014
You might as well give an elephant a chainsaw
One too-clever-by-half young lad was interviewing for a job, there was nothing he couldn’t do better than anybody else. So finally the interviewer, exasperated asked “Can you wheel smoke in a barrow?” Quick as a flash the lad came back with “You load it, I’ll wheel it.” One thing I’ve learned, no matter what you’re …
March 14, 2014
A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
The tale is told about a farmer who got a surprise inspection from the agricultural wages board. The official wanted to see all the paperwork relating to any employed labour. “So who do you employ?” ”Well there’s the cowman, here’s his payslips, he’s on £30K a year with a house and a jap pickup for …
March 7, 2014
Don’t smile at the camera, it makes you look like the ‘Before’ in the ‘Beecham’s Pills’ advert.
You know what they say, if you think you’re important, try giving orders to somebody else’s dog. (Actually you don’t give orders to a Border Collie, but they will occasionally deign to discuss policy) But anyway, I’ve been trying to be noticed, having a book to launch means that you try and get everywhere …
February 28, 2014
French without tears?
“Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty, hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to speak French.” Once again I borrow the words of PG Wodehouse, a fine writer who managed …
February 25, 2014
Sky clad, equine or what?
“So at this point Watson, our white witch, realising she has succeeded in invoking rain, departs in haste.” “And the somewhat structural nether garments Holmes?” “One is forced to presume she was sky clad.” Look, I’m just trying to get the hedge into some sort of order. I don’t mind having to tackle hawthorn older …
February 21, 2014
All you need is a chainsaw and sentient volcanoes.
It’s funny what sticks in mind. It’s been a busy enough week, we’ve been getting a new flue put in the chimney because we had a chimney fire on New Year’s Eve; the weather has been determinedly clashy and I’ve been trying to get work done both inside and outside the house. Inside it’s putting …
February 14, 2014
A red red rose
Some of us are born romantic; some have romance thrust upon us. Some of us occasionally get it right by accident. I suppose honesty compels me to admit that I’m firmly in the third category. Once upon a time, (but not actually in a galaxy far far away) my better half was in hospital …
February 10, 2014
Fourteen Days in the outer darkness
Imagine it, you wish to communicate with someone. You scribble a note, summon one of the boys, thrust note into cleft stick he’s holding and send him on his way. That was my world! Yes we’ve had fourteen days without broadband. We’ve had about five BT engineer days of work on our wire. (We’re …
January 26, 2014
Weird place, London
A unisex hairdresser’s salon; a young chap there getting his hair gelled and spiked (or whatever.) On the pavement by the door, waiting for collection, an empty five gallon drum of rape oil. Weird place, London. At the British Museum I watched an elegantly attired lady sitting, posing for the camera; right next to the …
January 19, 2014
proudly presenting
Normally it’s just my ramblings you get here, but MTM mentioned that the next book(s) in her trilogy are coming close to publishing. As I’ve bought and enjoyed the first two and an looking forward to the next, I was pleased and interested. So I’ll let her tell you about it in her own words. …
