Jim Webster's Blog, page 54

Hopes, dreams or goldfish

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXrdWW... I was going down to London a few days ago and sitting opposite me was a bunch of people from Glasgow and further west. Nice enough people, got on well enough with them. As they got off the train at Euston they all put ‘Yes’ stickers on. My betting is that nobody they met …

Gods?

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orang-utan was reading two books – the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, “Why are you reading both those books?” “Well,” said the orang-utan, “I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.” You see, there’s a …

Dogging their heels

A new project traditionally goes through these phases. Wild enthusiasm Disillusionment Confusion Panic Search for the guilty Punishment of the innocent Promotion of non-participants When training a young border collie, you can pass through all seven phases in as little as twenty seconds. Still one tries. But on Saturday I noticed that we had a …

Not my circus, not my monkeys?

Glasgow city council has decided to build a tennis court for a Scottish open championship. They chose to call it ‘The Alex Salmond court’. Although some of the players don’t like it because it’s too slick. However it benefits players with good spin. It’s interesting listening to the wailing and bellowing which is taking place …

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

“In Clacton-on-Sea I heard about the young man who had been sanctioned, and had his benefits removed, because he was late to his appointment when the bus broke down. He couldn’t phone to let them know because he had no credit on his mobile phone. He was told he should have used a phone box …

Less is more? More or less.

I saw this cartoon. It shows a vicar sitting at the organ and he’s looking over his shoulder at the congregation and saying “Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organist, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune, Chopsticks.”     Well we’ve had a holiday. Nothing too exotic, we’re a …

Making you an offer you cannot refuse.

Well I’m now back from Loncon and I thought I’d write up my experiences. Logistics were simple. To get there I hauled myself down to the South Wales lair of Will Macmillan Jones’s. From there we drove west, spending a period in tranquil meditation in an authentic South Wales traffic jam before arriving at Loncon …

Slouching towards Loncon.

Next week I’ll be at Loncon 3 – the 72nd World Science Fiction Convention. Go to http://www.loncon3.org/ if you’re interested. Ideally writers are invited; turn up in a limo with darkened windows surrounded by overly muscular minders. They then sweep through the crowd brushing aside the groupies and listen with a slightly amused expression to …

And the rain came down

Yep, it’s wet. I got soaked to the skin taking some feed three hundred yards to a bunch of bullocks. The water is running down our drive like a river, and all in all, it’s the start of the Cumbrian Summer Monsoon.     It’s been wet for the last few days, on and off, …

Your opinion?

  Old chap turns up for a job interview. It’s all very politically correct and sensitive. Finally one of the young men/women interviewing says, “So what would you say was your main weakness.” The old man thinks briefly and says, “My honesty.” “Oh,” says the sincere young person, I don’t think honesty can be a …