Kathi Lipp's Blog, page 68
February 9, 2017
One Simple Way to Help a Friend Who’s Overwhelmed
When I was pregnant with my third child, my doctor put me on bed rest for eleven weeks because I went into preterm labor. I was overwhelmed—to say the least. I was allowed once daily trips down and up the stairs, and a shower every other day.
Everything I did happened in bed—except sleep! Because who can sleep after lying around all day? Oh, and the medicine they give you to prevent labor is actually a stimulant, which doesn’t help. (C’mon people, this is modern America, can’t we do better?)
Overwhelmed became my middle name
That time was scary and frustrating, and I needed LOTS of help taking care of my then four and two-year-old babies, and my poor overwhelmed hubby, who could barely keep his head above water, despite the help we received.
What I learned during those weeks, and subsequently, as I endured four back surgeries in six years, is that when a person is facing overwhelm like never before, there is one thing they crave: normalcy.
During the last few weeks before my due date, my doctor released me to go on one outing a day. So one Wednesday, I chose to go to swimming lessons with my kids.
Previous to my forced bed rest, I dreaded those hectic afternoons—hurried, sweating bullets in the tropical temps of the indoor pool, trying to get unruly toddlers to comply. Sadly when I was fully healthy and able, I often wished those afternoons away.
But when I couldn’t do my regular chaotic life, oh, how I wished for normal.
My mother-in-law (a godsend) stepped in for swim lesson day. She wrangled my littles into car seats, wrestled them into swimsuits, drenched herself during the post-swimming shower routine, and somehow managed to get their sticky, wet limbs stuck back into dry clothes.
For any woman who does this on a regular basis, you know this is a heroic feat!
And all this was done for one purpose: so that I could have a dose of normalcy in the midst of my overwhelmed life. So I could watch my tiny people do their big kid kicks, get splashed, and sit in a wobbly, uncomfortable, plastic chair at the side of the pool.
But really, so I could have small dash of normal in the midst of my overwhelmed life.
A few hours of normalcy is one of the biggest blessings I received in those bed rest and back surgery days. If you want to be a friend who loves well in times of hardship, consider giving the gift of normal.
How to help a friend who’s overwhelmed
Here’s a few ways to help create normalcy:
• Take them to Target or the mall (even if they need the wheelchair)
• Go to the movies (recliner seat theaters are perfect for infirm friends)
• Go out to coffee
• Offer to accompany them to their kids’ events (you do all the “heavy lifting” if needed)
• Help with their household tasks like laundry, dishes, cleaning so they can focus their energy on time with family.
One Small Win: Call a friend who’s experiencing a hard time (illness, stress, loss of a loved one, cancer, infertility, divorce, etc.) and offer to do one of these “normal” things with her!
For more practical ways to support those you care about in the rough patches of life, you can pick up a copy of Sarah Beckman’s, Alongside: A Practical Guide for Loving Your Neighbor in their Time of Trial, which releases February 14, 2017.
Sarah Beckman is an author and speaker, living in Albuquerque, NM, with her husband, Craig, of 24 years. They have three delightful children ages 15, 17, and 20. Her experience on both sides of the “bed”—both being helped and helping others—provide her authentic viewpoint for her book, Alongside. When she’s not writing or speaking, you might find her in the kitchen creating something to share with a “neighbor” in need.
Her passion for loving her neighbor has fueled her life and ministry for over 10 years, giving her the opportunity to address audiences across the country. She has a B.A. in Journalism from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and also works as a communications coach and corporate trainer.
February 8, 2017
How to Date Your Husband Without Leaving the House
“Never stop dating your spouse.” It’s one of the top pieces of advice newlyweds get. But years later, with kids and bills piling up, it’s much easier said than done. How to date your husband isn’t as impossible as it feels!
Often, after paying the orthodontist, the mortgage, and the grocery bill, there’s not a lot left over for fancy dinners and movie tickets. Not to mention childcare.
These days, my husband and I aim to have at least one monthly night out, but with four kids it hasn’t always been easy to make those date nights happen. Early in our marriage, we had to really get creative.
We knew we wanted to be consistent with our dates, but we weren’t always able to afford a night out. So we decided to have fun nights IN.
How to date your husband
Here are some inexpensive ideas for dating your spouse without having to leave the house:
1. Make dinner together. Tuck the kids into bed and then get out your fancy dishes and make something delicious. In our family, my husband is often my sous chef. He’ll do the chopping, slicing or shredding, and I put ingredients together.
Adding some romantic tunes and a little dancing while things simmer can make your evening feel like a party. Plus, it’s a great opportunity to get creative and have some real “grown-up” food. Try a new recipe or an old favorite. No matter what you choose, the idea is to spend time together and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Bon appetit!
2. Plan a game night. Games don’t have to be just for kids. Board games, card games or even a Wii bowling tournament can set the stage for a fun night of playful competition. Our favorites are Scrabble and Bananagrams. Add a few of your favorite snacks (that you don’t have to share with the kids). If you’re extra competitive, think of a little incentive. Maybe the winner gets a foot rub or the loser has to do the dishes.
3. Form a private book club. If you’re bookworms like my husband and I, it’s fun to select a book you both want to read. It can be a book on marriage or just an interesting novel. Then, set aside some time to discuss. It’s a fun way to connect, share thoughts and ideas, and maybe even learn some new things about each other. Set the mood by adding candles (or a fire in the fireplace if you have one), and your favorite beverage.
4. Spice up movie night. Maybe you already do movie nights together. That’s a pretty easy way to have a date, but consider making it a little bit more . . . sexy. How about dressing up in that little black dress he loves? Or maybe dressing down (as in fewer clothes) and leaving room for a little makeout session. Re-watching an old favorite might be a good idea in case you miss some of the movie action (while making of some of your own).
One Small Win: Creating intentional “date nights” doesn’t have to put a big dent in your bank account, but it will have a lasting positive effect on your marriage.
Zohary Ross is a life coach, speaker and author of the Aligned Parenting Workbook. Zohary is passionate about encouraging and equipping women to have clearly defined “most importants” and live out their values and priorities. Connect with Zohary at http://zoharyross.com/.
February 7, 2017
Episode #238 – Restoration, Simplicity and Joy
Kathi is joined by friend of the program, Erin MacPherson. They discuss their plans for 2017 and how they are focused on the ideas of restoration, simplicity, and joy. Kathi is on a journey of restoration this year and part of that is focusing on a different spiritual discipline each month. She discusses her decision for the year and explains how she is hoping these changes add more joy to her life and restoration to her home and soul.
Erin’s pups!
Join the conversation!
Kathi is currently focusing on is “simplicity.” She would love you to share your ideas of how to create more simplicity in your life. Please go to the show notes and share your thoughts and ideas. Random winners will be selected from the comments for a copy of Clutter Free!
February 5, 2017
The Slow Fade of the New Year’s Resolution
New Year’s resolutions can be a tricky bag of guilt. We are well-intentioned as we make plans for fresh starts in the new year, only to find these resolutions slowly fading away. Some have embraced choosing a word to focus on and even to study from God’s word. Amy Carroll shares today about the struggle she had with a Word-of-the-Year and how God gently used it to teach her in the midst of the fading New Year’s resolution.
Amy Carroll is a speaker and writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries. She’s the author of Breaking Up with Perfect as well as the director and coach of Next Step Speaker Services. Amy and her husband live in lovely Holly Springs, NC with a bossy miniature dachshund. You can find her on any given day texting her two sons at college, typing at her computer, reading a book, or trying to figure out one more alternative to cooking dinner. Share life with Amy at www.amycarroll.org and on Facebook.
February 2, 2017
Romance: It’s Not Just for Us Girls
If there’s one thing I know about us girls, it’s that we like romance! We love romance novels, romance comedies, romance tragedies, and romance, romance, romance. Most gals would much rather take in a romantic movie than an action film. And what woman doesn’t dream about her husband romancing her the way he did when they were dating? But guess what, that man of yours longs for romance too.
One night Steve and I were planning a romantic evening at home alone. We borrowed a movie from our friends, Gene and Sheri. A Vow to Remember promised to be a real tearjerker. The couple on the DVD case appeared lost in each other as their arms intertwined in a lovers’ embrace. The back cover boasted, “Capture your mind, your heart and your soul … Paints a compelling picture of forever love.”
The lights were dim, the candles were lit, and the mood was set. However, when Steve placed the movie in the DVD player, we were not greeted with strains of a melodious theme song or misty-eyed romance. Oh no. It was Arnold Schwarzenegger with machine gun at the ready! Our romantic evening was rudely interrupted by Terminator. Gene had placed the wrong movie in the case!
Perhaps romance in your marriage has a greater resemblance to Terminator than A Vow to Remember. If so, there’s hope! You can be the one to make the first move!
Jesus said, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you,” (Matthew 7:12). We call that the Golden Rule. Isn’t it interesting that a wedding ring is often called a band of gold? Whether a wedding ring is gold, platinum, silver, or bronze, the Golden Rule certainly applies in a marriage relationship.
One Small Win: The Golden Rule for romance could be: Express your love to your husband in the same way you want him to express his love to you. Sticky notes of love on his bathroom mirror, romantic texts in the middle of the day, and declarations of how proud you are of him are actually showing him ways to love you in return.
Here are a few simple ways to romance that man of yours:
• Put a chocolate kiss in his briefcase, lunch bag, or on the dashboard of his car, with a note that says, “I love you!”
• Write “I love you” on his bathroom mirror with soap or lipstick.
• Send him a romantic card to his workplace via snail mail.
• Kiss him passionately before he leaves in the morning and tell him you’re going to miss him. Kiss him passionately when he comes home in the evening and tell him you’re glad he’s home.
• Draw a bath, light candles, and invite him to join you. Lather him up with soap and draw a big heart on his chest. Lie in each other’s arms and soak in the love.
Leave a comment and tell one thing that attracted you to your husband when you were dating. We’ll randomly pick one response and give away a FREE copy of Sharon’s new book, A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your Marriage. (US and Canada only).
Click here to watch a fun video!
Sharon Jaynes is a conference speaker, author of 21 books, and devotion writer for Proverbs 31 Ministries and Girlfriends in God. Her latest book, A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your Marriage, includes over 250 ways to romance your man. She’s been romancing her husband, Steve, for 37 years. They call NC home.
January 31, 2017
Episode #237 – Discovering Your Identity
Who are you? Do you know what makes up your identity?
Kathi is joined by her friend, author and speaker Michele Cushatt, author of the new book I Am: A 60-Day Journey to Knowing Who You Are Because of Who He Is to discuss the idea of identity.
How do we decide who we are? What is at the core of who we are? Why is having a secure identity so difficult? Michele and Kathi discuss ways to build our self value based on truths rather than the constant assaults on our identity through media, marketing, advertising and comparison to others.
It’s a big topic and it can change the way we live our daily life, our relationships, and our world view.
Win!
What is the hardest part of accepting your identity in Christ and living your life grounded in that identity on a day to day basis? Comment below for your chance to win a copy of I Am from Michele!
January 30, 2017
Acknowledge, Appreciate, Repeat with the Acknowledgement Jar
I feel like I’m running in circles and accomplishing nothing!
As a newlywed, 23-year-old first year grad student, I found myself constantly repeating this refrain.
I was working a part-time job, getting my toes wet in ministry at my new church, and sharing a vehicle with my husband who just started his first full-time job.
Add household chores and trying to make new friends to the list, and I was one busy lady.
Do you know the feeling?
Always doing and going and then you close your eyes at the end of the day and think, “Surely I accomplished something…” Then as you lay there you discover your primary accomplishment was making it out alive!
I certainly felt that way. And I still do sometimes.
The acknowledgement jar
Which is why I created an Acknowledgement Jar.
It’s a repurposed vase, which I sat on my desk next to a stack of notecards and a pen.
At the end of each day, I challenge myself to think of at least two accomplishments for that day and write each one on a notecard, fold the cards into squares, and drop them in the jar.
These can be small victories, like completing my daily workout or avoiding late fees at the library.
Other times I write down bigger accomplishments, like landing an internship or earning a bonus.
Some days my only accomplishment is just making it through the day. And you know what? That’s okay!
The longer I’ve done this, the more accomplishments I am able to think of. I even have moments now where I’ll think to myself, I can’t wait to add this one to my jar!
Pull out your own vase
Maybe you’re learning to be an adult like me (hello bills!).
Perhaps you work over 40 hours a week and come home to children, hungry for your food and attention.
Or maybe you are a stay-at-home mom, making sure your home stays a haven.
Regardless of your routine or stage in life, I am confident that acknowledging your daily accomplishments will be encouraging!
This one simple habit has given me an eye for noticing all the little victories. I am thankful as I linger in these feel-good moments.
One Small Win: Create an Acknowledgement Jar today and be motivated by your own every day accomplishments!
What you need:
____Container (I used a vase I found under my sink, but a box, mason jar or basket works)
____Notecards
____Writing utensil
Kelsee Keitel is a graduate student and blogger, living in Indianapolis, IN, with her newlywed husband. She is passionate about cultivating sisterhood through vulnerability and introducing young women to the freedom and abundance of life in following Christ. When Kelsee is not snuggled up with a book and sipping tea, she can be found experimenting in the kitchen or chatting with her mom.
You can read more about how Kelsee experiences divine moments in the midst of ordinary life over at kelseekeitel.com or on Instagram and Facebook.
Acknowledge, Appreciate, Repeat with the Acknowledgement Jar
January 29, 2017
What to Do With Unwelcome Advice About How You Should Lose Weight (and Anything Else People Think You Should Fix About Yourself)
Do you ever get frustrated with people who suggest a “quick fix” solution for losing weight?
• “If you want to lose weight, you have to stop eating sugar.”
• “I lost weight using products that will change your life. Buy my products now.”
• “All you need is more willpower.”
I hate it when this happens. As someone who has lost and gained large amounts of weight many times, I know from experience that losing weight isn’t a one-size-fits-all challenge.
Unsolicited advice, regardless of how well-intended it may be, usually comes across as criticism.
How do you feel when someone tries to “fix” you with uninvited input? If it’s not weight loss, maybe it’s telling you how to:
• Feed your children.
• Spend your money.
• Resolve relational challenges.
How do you respond when someone tries to fix you?
I used to have one of two extreme responses, depending on who was talking to me. Do either of these sound familiar?
• Do nothing and act like it’s not bothering you, even though it does, and then later (maybe many weeks later) you blow up.
• React defensively and aggressively in the moment. Then later you wish you hadn’t.
Learning to become honest with the right people at the right time has been empowering. It’s helped me to not hear food calling my name when I start feeling irritated.
Here are several response options to someone trying to fix you with their advice. Experiment to find what works best for you.
Respond in the moment
If you are talking with someone who tends to react in a positive manner when challenged, choose a simple response.
For example, “Thanks for caring. I’ve got that area of my life covered.”
Respond Later
If you are talking to someone who has a history of not listening to you and even becoming defensive, it’s helpful to have a conversation later.
Be sure to initiate the conversation another time; don’t let it go.
Respond Selectively
For some situations, I choose my battles, viewing it as their issue and not mine.
For example, with someone I will probably not see again, I often decide to let it go.
If it’s still bothering me, I either journal or talk to someone else about how I am feeling.
Choose Your Response
So, the next time someone offers unsolicited advice meant to fix you, remember: you can learn to choose your response.
These questions will help:
• Is there a history of the person responding positively when challenged? If so, respond honestly in the moment.
• Is there a history of the person responding defensively or aggressively in the moment when challenged? If so, choose a better time to have a conversation about the impact of their advice.
• Is this a relationship with no future? If so, journal or talk about it later with someone else.
One Small Win: Be intentional about practicing these responses. You’ll be glad that you did.
What’s your typical response when someone offers you unsolicited advice?
Mary Lou Caskey trains Christian coaches and communicators to influence hearts through the power of story. If you want to become a transformative storyteller, click here to connect with Mary Lou and get her free quiz, “Is It the Best Time to Share a Personal Story?”
January 28, 2017
Are You Overwhelmed by an Unfinished Project?
When my son, Jonathon, was seven, he was totally into Monopoly.
I went on eBay and found a Monopoly clock, Monopoly mug, and then struck the Monopoly motherlode: Monopoly fabric!
Started
I bought enough to make a quilt, pillows, and curtains.
I signed up for a quilt-making class, where I cut a lot of the fabric into a lot of strips. I even sewed some of the strips into T shapes.
Then–-as is so typical for my Expressive personality–-I ran out of steam.
Stopped
I quickly became overwhelmed by all the attention to detail that making a “T Quilt” requires.
I didn’t want details; I wanted a quilt!
So, I set the project aside. Then bagged it up. Eventually, stored it in the garage.
For. Ten. Years.
Stored
A decade later, when I pulled out the box that held the bag holding all the Monopoly fabric, my heart took a fantastical leap.
“I can finish this now … or this summer … or next year!” I started thinking.
But thanks to Clutter Free, I knew that my habit of storing stuff was not good stewardship.
Letting of an unfinished project
So I took photos of the Monopoly fabric and posted them on Facebook with the note, “Free to good home.”
Sherry, an acquaintance, responded immediately. An avid quilter, she offered to take, and promised to use, all my quilting fabric and supplies.
Then–-as is so typical for my Expressive personality–-I forgot all about the fabric. Out of sight, out of mind. I’m an idea gal, a starter, so I moved on to new projects.
Two years later, Sherry blessed me with photos of the quilt that I started and she so lovingly finished:
It looks better than I ever imagined!
She gave the quilt to a family member who was thrilled to receive it and adores using it.
What started-stopped-and-stored project can you give away today?
One Small Win: You don’t have to hang on to the quilt…or the guilt. You don’t need to finish what you started. You can let someone else take it from here.
Cheri Gregory is a teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. Her passion is helping women break free from destructive expectations. She writes and speaks from the conviction that “how to” works best in partnership with “heart, too.”
Cheri is the co-author, with Kathi Lipp, of The Cure for the “Perfect” Life and Overwhelmed.
Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel, her opposite personality, for twenty-eight years and is “Mom” to Annemarie (25) and Jonathon (24), also opposite personalities.
Are you a Highly Sensitive Person? Take the self-quiz and discover the surprising strengths of a tender heart.
January 26, 2017
Three Ways to Encourage A Couple Struggling With Infertility
My husband and I were married nine years before we had a successful pregnancy. Before that, we suffered infertility, miscarriages, embarrassing questions, physical exams, and lots of heartache.
We spent a great deal of time in prayer beseeching God to grant us children and endured lots of “suggestions” (also embarrassing) from well-meaning people in our church.
I attended WAY too many baby showers, smiling my way through each of them while dying on the inside. I was so excited for the mother-to-be, but I was truly sad for me. I read every book I could get my hands on, and we tried various medical (both traditional and non-traditional) methods. My faith was strong enough to move mountains at the beginning of each cycle, but would be reduced to rubble when my period started.
While all this was happening, my husband and I were on staff at wonderful churches. They were filled with amazing people who we had the pleasure of serving and doing life alongside. We knew how to minister to people (or so we thought), but no Bible college degree prepared us for the heartache and emptiness that infertility and loss creates.
Statistics around infertility
According to the National Survey of Family Growth, my husband and I were not alone:
– Number of women aged 15-44 with impaired fecundity (impaired ability to get pregnant or carry a baby to term) number 7.5 million.
– Percentage of women aged 15-44 with impaired fecundity is 12.3%.
– Number of married women aged 15-44 that are infertile (unable to get pregnant after at least 12 consecutive months of unprotected sex with husband) number 1.0 million.
– Percentage of married women aged 15-44 that are infertile is 6.1%.
That being said, although we were able to finally have two healthy children, one of the most fruitful lessons from that time in our lives was on HOW best to love on those who are going through a similar desert experience.
Ways to encourage a couple experiencing infertility
God proved Himself faithful and we came out the other side wiser and with some helpful tools for helping others cope. For those of you with someone in your life who is experiencing infertility, some ways to encourage them include:
1. Pray. Pray for those in your life who are struggling with infertility. Infertility involves all parts of the couple: their spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional lives. They need prayer support.
2. Be a friend. Just be their friend. Come alongside them. Ask how you can help; not everyone grieves and processes the same. Don’t be surprised if they need help with a meal or around the house. Don’t pity them, just love them. I just wanted someone to hold my hand and encourage my husband. I loved random cards and phone calls.
3. Think before posting or speaking. Avoid “meme-ing” them. Do not feel that trite Christian encouragement is the answer. Do not send well-meaning Facebook or Instagram memes without spending quality time with them. In fact, as someone who loves the Bible, I found that sometimes the most hurtful things people said were Scriptures not aptly timed. Romans 8:28 is an incredible wealth of truth, but right after a miscarriage, it felt like a dagger in my heart.
You are there for a reason
Infertility is a tough time in the life of a couple. It can often feel like a time of emotional and spiritual infertility as well. If you have someone in your life who is going through this, please know that God has placed you in their lives for a reason.
One Small Win: Love them and know that they will be forever thankful for your generosity of prayer, time, and encouragement.
Amberly Neese
is a national speaker, author, and humorist with a passion for pointing others to the joy found in Christ. She has won hearts (and funny bones) of people all over the country at hundreds of conventions, camps, seminars, retreats, and chapels. She also serves as the program director at UCYC and an adjunct professor at Grand Canyon University. Amberly received her Master’s degree from Biola University.
Amberly has been married to Scott Neese since 1992. They have two kids, Judah and Josiah. They live in beautiful Prescott, AZ and love the Food Network and all things Star Wars. You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram.
Three Ways to Encourage A Couple Struggling With Infertility
