Kathi Lipp's Blog, page 49
May 4, 2018
Spring Fling Day #4: Clear Books (And Other Media)
Day four of the Spring Fling and it’s time to hit the books …
Of all the things that people have a hard time getting rid of, I think books are at the top of the list.
As an author, that feels like a very good thing.
But as a woman who is working to make the world a Clutter-Free place, I need to stop being selfish, worrying about my residual checks, and challenge you to release some of those books back into the wild.
It Gets Easier to Clear Books
I have reduced the books in our house from twelve bookcases to three. Yes, in some cases it did feel like a crime. Books are wonderful and awesome—if someone is reading them. But just having books for the sake of owning them doesn’t improve your life or the lives of people who could be reading them.
I have a list of books that I will just keep. Books that I reread on a regular basis, reference books, my favorite writing books, a few cookbooks, and different Bibles. Some of the books I plan on keeping for the rest of my life (or until I change my mind…)
Celebration of Discipline
The Prizewinner of Defiance Ohio
Wesley the Owl
The Good Good Pig
Entreleadership
Getting Things Done
On Writing
Born Standing Up
Yes Please
America’s Test Kitchen Cookbook
The Betty Crocker Cookbook
Bird by Bird
More with Less
Several books my friends have written (which I will not list here because I don’t want to leave anyone out)
Instructions:
– Set up your three boxes/totes and two bags.
– Start with one bookshelf.
– Do NOT pull all the books out at one time (in some homes, this could be dangerous).
Do you love it? Will you read it again? If you haven’t read it, and want to, create a shelf for “To be read” books and put them in the order you want to read them.
Bonus:
Want to stay Clutter Free when it comes to books and media? Commit to reading what you have before buying new. My challenge is to read three books I currently own before buying a new one.
Share Your Fling
After you fling, either tell us about it or share a picture in the comments. Remember, each day (at the end of the Fling) there will be one winner, randomly drawn from the comments, who will receive a copy of The Cure for the Perfect Life from Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory. So, share below and tell us about your fling.
May 3, 2018
Spring Fling Day #3: Clear Out the Bathroom
Day three of the Spring Fling, and it’s time to get serious … Let’s clear out the bathroom!
I’m not so worried about your sentimental attachments in the bathroom. (“But I can’t throw away that bottle of Axe Body Wash! I have to keep it — it was the last time my son smelled good.”)
But if you are anything like me, your bathroom can easily get filled with “just in case” items.
I am a worst-case-scenario kinda girl.
“What if we run out of money and I can never buy shampoo again. I don’t want to regret throwing out that six-year-old bottle of Head and Shoulders my cousin left here.”
What if I lose my job and I can’t buy lipstick again. Even though this color makes me look like an extra on the Walking Dead, it’s better than nothing, right? I should hold on to it.”
I get it. I’m a sick, sick woman.
Those things in the picture? Those were all from my kids’ bathroom.
No kid has lived here in over a year. But I kept it all — just in case.
Did I mention that I’m a sick, sick woman?
I bet you may have had some of these thoughts as well. Otherwise, why would you have six containers of foundation and only use one?
It Gets Better
One of the best things you can do to reduce clutter in your bathroom is become brand loyal. If you are a product junkie, always trying out new lipsticks, hairsprays, etc., it’s easy to keep six different kinds of mascara around because you’re never quite sure which one is the best. Find a product that works for you, and when you start to run out, buy another one. But stop buying products you already have.
Instructions:
– Set up your three boxes/totes and two bags.
– Start with one drawer or one shelf.
– Do NOT pull everything in your bathroom to sort it out. Take it one drawer, shelf, or basket at a time.
Bonus:
Want to stay Clutter Free in your bathroom? Commit to using up what you have. Only buy a new bottle of shampoo once you’ve used up the rest of the shampoo you have on hand.
You say, “But I would never use that old bottle of Head and Shoulders!”
Then throw it out. Only keep what you will actually use. This goes for makeup as well. When you run out, you can buy a new bottle, tube, or jar guilt free. Not only will this save you space, it will also save you money.
Share Your Fling
After you fling, either tell us about it or share a picture in the comments. Remember, each day (at the end of the Fling) there will be one winner, randomly drawn from the comments, who will receive a copy of The Cure for the Perfect Life from Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory. So share below and tell us about your fling.
May 2, 2018
Spring Fling Day #2: Taming the Closet
Day two of the Spring Fling. This may be your hardest yet. Taming the closet!
Asking women to get rid of clothes is like asking men to get rid of tools.
If you’ve ever struggled to get ready in the morning with dozens of items of clothes in your closet, but have “nothing to wear,” then it’s time to fling a lot of your closet.
People who look pulled together don’t spend 30 minutes wondering, “What am I going to wear?” Because they often have the smallest wardrobes.
Take a hard look at your closet. What is it filled with?
“I might need it someday!”
“But I spent so much money on it!”
“I might be that size again someday.”
Those clothes choke out your real life. If you MUST keep them, store them in another part of the house, where they won’t interfere with your real life.
It Gets Better: Taming the Closet
I have experienced so much freedom in my closet. It has taken me many seasons, but now everything in there is something I would wear today. (Okay, maybe not the heavy sweaters, because it IS May, but I will be swapping out my winter for spring here pretty soon.)
When you switch seasons in your closet (I have a tiny closet, so for me this is a MUST), it is a great time to look at your clothes and see what you actually look forward to wearing. You don’t need to keep “just in case” clothes. Make sure you love to wear everything in your closet.
If you have stuff (and don’t we all) that needs to get hemmed, taken in, let out, or repaired, go get it done so you can have a wardrobe that works for you instead of working so hard to get dressed in the morning.
Instructions:
– Set up your three boxes/totes and two bags.
– Start with one pole or one shelf.
– Do NOT pull everything in your closet out and sort through it. That will get overwhelming. You will quit and go eat Rocky Road ice cream. (Or at least that’s what I would do.) At the most, pull out three items at a time.
One of the things I like to do is pull out three similar items. Are there two I wear all the time, but one I avoid? Maybe it doesn’t fit, it has a scratchy tag, or I don’t like how it looks on me.
If it’s the scratchy tag, go get a pair of scissors or a seam ripper and take care of that puppy. Otherwise? Get rid of it and let someone else feel fab in it.
Bonus:
You know those days when you feel extra motivated? Yes, they may only come around once a year, but today could be that day!
If so, here are some bonus flings you could do that will bring more peace in your closet:
– Take three things to the cleaners
– Take one thing to get altered
– Get rid of any extra hangers you hate using. (No one should be using wire hangers from the dry cleaners. You’re better than that.)
The next time (maybe tomorrow morning) you get dressed, you will be so glad you did your fling!
Share Your Fling
After you fling, either tell us about it or share a picture in the comments. Remember, each day (at the end of the Fling) there will be one winner, randomly drawn from the comments, who will receive a copy of The Cure for the Perfect Life from Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory. So share below and tell us about your fling.
May 1, 2018
Parenting Past the Guilt
“But I want the Oreos!” Oh, one of my biggest regrets ever was introducing my daughter to that sandwich cookie. She was now obsessed—and letting the world know about it.
But that wasn’t the worst thing that happened that day. Nope. It was my reaction. There may have been yelling, screaming and a few threats thrown in for good measure. I wasn’t ashamed of my daughter’s reaction. She was being three. But my reaction? Let’s just say I’m more than three and should know better. And I do. But sometimes momming is hard. And momming will be the most guilt-producing job any of us do at any point in our lives.
So how do we parent past the guilt? Read the rest of the article here on Girlfriends in God
Episode 302- Spring Fling Kickoff
Welcome to the 2nd annual Clutter Free Academy Spring Fling!
Join Kathi and Tonya Kubo as they share details about this year’s Spring Fling. Your home will be 1,000 items lighter when you join in on the challenge. Listen in, find a buddy, sign up for the newsletter for updates each day, and join the Clutter Free Academy Facebook group, the kindest corner on the internet. You will be thankful you did!
Links mentioned
Kathi Lipp’s Blog to sign up for the newsletter
Clutter Free Academy Facebook Group for encouragement
Meet Our Guest
Tonya Kubo
Tonya Kubo is the illustrious, fearless leader of Kathi Lipp’s Clutter-Free Academy Facebook group. She and her husband, Brian, are raising two spirited girls in the agricultural heart of California. She writes about fighting the demons of comparison, clutter and compulsion on www.tonyakubo.com.
April 30, 2018
Spring Fling Day #1: Let’s Declutter the Kitchen
It is day one of the Spring Fling and we are going to start easy … in the kitchen. If you declutter the kitchen, it will make a big difference in how you cook and enjoy family time together.
Time to declutter the kitchen
The kitchen doesn’t seem to hold as much sentimental attachment as some of the other rooms in our homes, so let’s get the 20 items out of there. I would encourage you to really look at your stuff. Do you have six cookie sheets? Unless you are planning to take the place of Mrs. Fields, that probably is overkill. Could you donate a couple so that someone who is baking their cookies off of aluminum foil has a safe way to make cookies for their kids? One thing I realized as I was getting rid of my 20 things in the kitchen? It was hard! Not because I was attached to things, but because I’ve been decluttering so much over the years that I really do have my essentials only in the kitchen. That is Clutter Free progress, baby!
What to do in the kitchen
Instructions:
1. Set up your three boxes/totes and two bags.
2. Start with one drawer or one shelf. 3. Do NOT pull everything in your kitchen out and sort through it. That’s how your kids manage their toys, and how does THAT work for you?
Bonus: You know those days when you feel extra motivated? Yes, they may only come around once a year, but today could be that day! If so, here are some extra things you could do that will bring you more peace in your kitchen:
Choosing to Be Intentional About What Parts of Being A Mom We Choose to Embrace
I made a promise to my daughter the day she was born.
As I gazed into my baby girl’s eyes for the very first time, I silently assured her:
I’m going to meet your every need.
In that sacred moment, it felt right to make such a vow. She was so tiny, and I was overwhelmed by a protective instinct so strong, I felt like a combination of Wonder Woman and the Incredible Hulk.
But if I could go back twenty-seven years and whisper a few words to my new mom self, here’s what I’d say:
No you won’t.
You won’t even come close.
Trying Hard
We went home from the hospital the day after Annemarie was born, and oh, how I tried to honor my promise: I’m going to meet your every need.
When she was bored, I tried to be Fun Mom.
When she was sad, I tried to be Nurturing Mom.
When she broke things, I tried to be Fix-It-Fast Mom.
When she couldn’t find things, I tried to be Organized Mom.
If she needed it, I tried hard to be it.
I did a wonderful job of meeting her every need.
But then she turned two days old, and everything went haywire.
Feeling Overwhelmed
The second day after we got home from the hospital, Annemarie was fussy. I fed her. I burped her. I changed her.
Nothing worked.
I tried singing to her, but that only seemed to make her cry harder.
Finally, exhausted, I handed her over to my mother, expecting (and secretly hoping) that there would be no change.
But the transformation was both instantaneous and dramatic.
Not only did Annemarie stop crying, but as her Nana began to sing, she started to smile.
“It’s just gas,” I said, stunned and a little hurt that my child had calmed right down with someone other than me.
Now, I would love to tell you that this was the moment I recognized that my promise I’m going to meet your every need was unrealistic, foolish, and impossible to fulfill.
Unfortunately, I took it as a challenge.
And I determined to try all the harder to be the one to meet my daughter’s every need.
For the next quarter-of-a-century, I muddled through motherhood, constantly overwhelmed by self-inflicted feelings of colossal failure.
Comparing Myself
Flash forward 25 years to Annemarie’s Bachelor of Fine Arts Solo Exhibition. She’s drawn large portraits of the twenty key people in her life, each one titled with a single word that defines their connection to her.
I quickly scan the gallery walls for my portrait so I can see what label she gave me. But before I can find mine, I see Aunt Karen’s:
Nurturer
It takes all my willpower not to run to the restroom and burst into tears.
I didn’t get Nurturer.
Which means I didn’t meet my daughter’s need for nurturing.
I tried, by golly, I tried.
But I didn’t even come close.
I’m just not made out of nurturing stuff.
I’m made out of …
I find my portrait and read my label.
… evidently, I’m made out of Writer stuff.
Whatever that even means.
Clearly, Aunt Karen succeeded where I failed.
Gaining Perspective
But what if that’s okay?
The unexpected thought crashes my pity party.
What if she didn’t need me to meet her every need?
I look at my daughter, laughing with guests who are here for her grand opening. She’s all grown up into someone I am so proud to know, let alone share genes with.
What if she just needed me to be me?
I look at the titles of the other portraits:
Mentor … Philosopher … Listener … Challenger …
And suddenly, I am overwhelmed with gratitude toward Aunt Karen and and all the other people who have poured into to my daughter’s life, meeting needs that I never could.
The truth begins to settle into my heart:
She really didn’t need me to meet her every need.
Accepting the Truth
So if you’re a mom who feels like she’s constantly falling short? letting her kids down? never even coming close to meeting all their needs?
Lean in close, and let me whisper this truth to you:
That’s okay.
They don’t need you to meet their every need.
They just need you to be you.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Cheri Gregory is a teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. Her passion is helping women break free from destructive expectations. She writes and speaks from the conviction that “how to” works best in partnership with “heart, too.” Cheri is the co-author, with Kathi Lipp, of The Cure for the “Perfect” Life and Overwhelmed.
Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel, her opposite personality, for twenty-eight years and is “Mom” to Annemarie (25) and Jonathon (23), also opposite personalities.
Cheri blogs about perfectionism, people-pleasing, highly sensitive people, and hope at www.cherigregory.com.
Choosing to Be Intentional About What Parts of Being A Mom We Choose to Embrace
April 26, 2018
The Mom Project: Have a Game Night
Welcome to The Mom Project. For the next few weeks, we’ll be launching my book The Mom Project by hosting several mom friends who have tried it out for themselves. They read the book, completed a project from the book with their kids, and wrote all about it. And these are real moms. Busy moms. Unsure-of-themselves moms. Single moms. Special needs moms. Working moms. Stay-at-home moms. They do the hard working of mommyhood every day, and have found fun ways to connect with their kids in the simple activities found in The Mom Project. Read on to hear their experience:
The Project
My husband and I have four boys. One of our two sons still living at home has autism and is mentally handicapped. It is difficult to find time to consistently connect with the boys in a fun and meaningful way, especially since we have various therapists coming into our home a few evenings a week. The days seem to blur into weeks, and before I know it, I haven’t really connected with either one. I go to bed thinking the next day will be different, but somehow, something always comes up. Unless I am intentional about connecting with them, it won’t happen. I wanted to share with you a simple, yet profound, book I’ve been reading called The Mom Project. This book shares lots of different ways for me as their mom to connect with them and to make some fun memories along the way. I chronicled one of my favorite projects from the book here today. For our project, we chose to have a game night.
The Plan
All three of us chose to play Monopoly. At first I was a little nervous about how this was going to unfold. I didn’t know if my special needs son would totally understand how to play, but I wanted to try. I wanted to make it fun for all of us and to make memories that would last and even make us want to play again really soon. However, I needed to be open minded about how we were going to actually play the game within our limits.
Results
Having a 15-year-old special needs son and a 9-year-old typical child created a unique challenge in connecting with them in this way. I found that adaptability was key. I had to get over my need to play by the rules and to be flexible enough to make up some rules as we went. I somewhat tailored the game to each boy, and they were both on board and engaged. I randomly handed out Monopoly real estate cards, and of course, whoever landed on the property had to pay rent, an easy amount for each of them to remember.
Both boys thoroughly enjoyed seeing Mom suffer as she had to go to jail and couldn’t be set free until she rolled doubles. Lots of laughter and lots of talking. We just made it a fun evening all around by having dessert before dinner, and dinner was pizza from one of their favorite restaurants. The more I got excited about the evening, the more they got excited.
I’m sure we’ll be playing again soon. I’d say Monopoly money was worth more than anything I could ever buy them.
What I Learned
Throughout this project, I learned to let go of my preconceived ideas of how the night should go. I invited them to participate in making up some rules with me, and I also realized they responded in kind to my excitement. I let the anticipation of game night build in their minds a few days beforehand, and I even taunted them with a little friendly competition. They are boys after all.
Extra Tips
If you are going to play a game with your children who are different ages or at different stages in their development, take a little time to plan ahead. Give them an opportunity to have some input in how they would like to play the game (within reason, of course), and watch their faces light up as they engage in the game they’ve helped create. A couple days before you play the game, start building up the excitement whenever and however you can.
Ready for your chance to win a copy of The Mom Project? To be entered into the drawing, just comment on this post and you’ll be entered to win. *Only US readers are eligible to receive the free book.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Julie and her husband have four boys, and she adores the title “Boy Mom.” She is also a special needs mom, helping navigate the world for her 15-year-old son with autism. Her four boys keep life busy and loud. Most days she wouldn’t want it any other way. You can connect with Julie on her blog at Stuff of Heaven.
April 24, 2018
Episode 301- From Hands-On Mom to Mom of Adults- Dealing with the Transition and Your Kids Stuff
Is your nest emptying? Dealing with transition can be hard! It is both an exciting and difficult time as you process the loss you feel as your kids move out. We need to remember that as The Lord lets us go through the hardship of our children leaving because He has dreams for our kids, He also has dreams for us. We don’t need to apologize for pouring into our kids or needing to be poured into ourselves. But as we are dealing with transiton, we need be mindful of what we are preparing for in the season ahead without trying to step out of the season we are in.
Join Kathi and Marci Seither as they talk about Marci’s book Empty Nest and discuss tips for dealing with transition, as well as handling the clutter those kids can leave behind. Plus, we will learn how to be kind to ourselves in dealing with the transition from being a hands on mom turned mom of adults.
Giveaway
Leave a comment about one thing you did, or anticipate doing, to ease yourself through the time of dealing with transition when your child(ren) left home for the chance to win one of 3 books we’re giving away!
*US residents only
Bonus
Empty Nest Promo PDF
Meet Our Guest
Marci Seither
Marci Seither’s writing career began after her humor article was published in the small-town newspaper. Since then she has authored two books and hundreds of articles for local papers as well as contributing to national publications such as Guideposts, Light & Life, and Focus On The Family.
Episode 301- From Hands-On Mom to Mom of Adults- Dealing with the Transition and Your Kids Stuff
April 23, 2018
How to Kick Self-Criticism to the Curb
Of all the things that make parenting challenging, the perpetual self-criticism is the worst. We lose sight of the fact that the most important thing our kids need from us is to feel loved.
We spend a lot of time beating ourselves up for not being “perfect” parents. Take the time my 17 year old son texted me a picture of himself being embraced by another mom after winning the championship wrestling match at the regional tournament. Through a miscommunication, my husband and I both left the match early. I awarded myself “Worst Mother Ever” for that one.
We unknowingly teach self-criticism – because this is how we talk to ourselves.
I’m replacing self-criticism with self-compassion, and making sure my kids hear the message.
You may think, “Sounds lovely. I can’t be trusted though. If I’m not tough on myself, I won’t change (get it done, do my best, etc.).” We fear that if we weren’t constantly berating ourselves, we’d be complete slackers. (Cue your favorite fantasy of irresponsible motherhood here).
Self-Criticism Hurts
I think of self-criticism like the bigger of two siblings, pummeling the other on the living room floor. Self-criticism regularly tries to take me down, landing a few good punches by the time I realize what’s going on and shut it down.
Why Do We Do This To Ourselves?!
This meaner version of ourselves has good intentions:
Keep us safe
Protect us from making mistakes
Make sure we retain our status and get enough love
Avoid disapproval from others
Unfortunately, the toxic methods of self-criticism – shame, name-calling, constant comparison, devaluing our needs and accomplishments – bring out the worst in us.
Research by Drs. Kristin Neff, Ricks Warren and Elke Smeets found self-critical people are more prone to avoidance, fearfulness, feelings of inferiority, depression, procrastination, and body dissatisfaction.
The Truth About Self-Compassion
We fear we’ll become self-indulgent sloths if we practice self-compassion. The opposite is true. Self-compassionate people are:
More successful in pursuing goals
More resilient when goals aren’t met
More motivated to change, try harder and avoid repeating mistakes
Change requires desire, awareness, and a plan. Self-compassion takes practice. Ask a trusted friend to point out when you use self-criticism.
4 Ways to Foster Self-Compassion
1. Notice when you slip into self-criticism
2. Stop!
3. Speak to yourself the way you would to a dear friend
4. Make a plan to deal with your concerns
When we think of people who make us feel loved and give us courage, compassion is what we’re most drawn to. Think of Jesus responding to the woman caught in adultery.
Jesus stood up and spoke to her. “Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?”
“No one, Master.”
“Neither do I,” said Jesus. “Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.” – John 8: 10, 11 (The Message)
____________
Warren, R., Smeets, E. & Neff, K. D. (2016). Self-criticism and self-compassion: Risk
and resilience for psychopathology. Current Psychiatry, 15(12), 18-32.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Kimberly Gonsalves is a life and leadership coach, speaker and co-creator of Solving The Mystery of Parenting Teens. She encourages and equips women to thrive by letting go of what doesn’t work and instead build healthier habits and more respectful relationships, so they can bring their best to their most important leadership roles, and have more fun doing it. Read her in-depth series on self compassion, or connect with her on Facebook.
