Kathi Lipp's Blog, page 116
July 1, 2013
Tip #2 for Achieving Your Goals this Week – Accontability
See below how to win a copy of The Me Project!
We are in the midst of s series about achieving your goals (see the first post and my to-do list at Tip # 1: Make a Monday List.)
This week I want to talk about the next most important ingredient in getting things done after making a list: Accountability.
When we find someone to hold us accountability to our goals, suddenly tasks that looked like they would take hours are broken down into minutes. Goals that have been dragging on our to do list for years suddenly are dusted off and have energy around them.
If you struggle with accountability in your own life, here are a few ways to have light – and not so light accountability in your list:
Post it on Facebook This is your lowest form of accountability. Post it on Facebook and tell people what you are working on. Somebody may – or may not – follow up. But just knowing that some random friend may ask is enough to keep most of us on task. This is good for things like getting the laundry done and finishing up a school project.
Email Someone The next lowest form of accountability, email gives you a way to reach out to people and say, “I need you to check up on me!” This is good for projects that need to be completed today. Only email people who “get” this form of accountability. This usually isn’t to taxing to the person you are asking help from – and you may be able to return the favor on the spot.
Call Someone This is great for urgent accountability – You have to send an email to someone that you don’t want to “engage” with or you need to get a project started and you don’t know where to begin. A phone call with a trusted friend is a great way to be able to brainstorm and have accountability for those hairy projects – school costumes that you don’t want to leave until the last minute, asking for accountability for doing bills for an hour (and you’ll call at the end of the hour to let them know how it goes.)
Meet Up with Someone I’m sitting in the middle of a Panera sipping iced tea with my friend Cheri. We both have big projects that we need to get started, and we knew that we if we could just get together and hash it out, we would be able to hammer it out. What we budgeted for two days of work we got done in two hours because we worked on it together.
Join a Group This is high level accountability. Think about running groups and Weight Watchers.
Home Goals
Make meal plans for the month of July (including trying two new healthy menu options)
Cook ahead two weeks of meals
Relationship Goals
Plan family party for Disney World (we are getting together to discuss our plans for our trip in November)
Plan an anniversary date with Roger
Me Goals
Walk 1 Mile, 3xs
Reread A Confident Heart (this time with a highlighter and my journal)
Business Goals
Outline future book: The Good Girl’s Guide to Breaking Bad Rules
Write three chapters for current book
God Goals
Next Names of God study
Read Chapter 1 of A Celebration of Discipline
And just for my own accountability, here is how I did on my goals last time:
Home Goals
Done Make meal plans for the month of June (including trying two new healthy menu options)
Done Research backyard shade solutions
Relationship Goals
Done Plan June Birthday parties/Father’s Day
Done Plan a date with Roger for Washington
Me Goals
Done Walk 1 Mile, 3xs (Did this every week except one…)
Done Read The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Business Goals
Done Finish my speaker page
Done Read Podcast Launch – A Step by Step Podcasting Guide Including 15 Video Tutorials
God Goals
Done Names of God study
Done Extended Quite Time on Wednesday
Q4U: Post one thing that you want accountability for. Just one item on your list. Put it in the comments below and one of you will win a copy of The Me Project
June 28, 2013
Summer Sanity
A Guest Post from Kimberly Gonsalves,
www.parenting4thelongrun.com
OK, I’ll say it: yes, it’s great to have kids out of school. And it can be hard!
Many of our support systems take hiatus during summer.
Routines change.
There’s often less external structure.
We have to create more of it ourselves.
At the same time, part of the appeal of summer is that we want to slow down, be less scheduled, relax!
I try to strike a balance between chaos and life in a barracks. Often, things that test my sanity are just a click away.
It’s day three of summer. My son, 14, is reclining on the couch, sporting his “go to” summer look: bath towel and laptop. I remember the pre-teen years, when he had an aversion to bathing. Glad we’re past that stage. I take a deep breath. He’s watching a video lesson on Kahn academy, and cursing the Muslim mathematician who invented algebra. And simultaneously playing video games, instant messaging, and listening to music.
You’re thinking, “Wow. That kid can truly multi-task!” Not so much, actually.
I am losing my religion. He is supposed to be doing math. Only math.
I ask him to turn the computer off since he’s not really studying. He ignores me.
I ask again. No response.
My reptile brain decides that prying it from his hands would be a good move…
Later, after we both calm down, I tell him I’m holding the computer until we can come up with a plan that works for both of us.
I need to make adjustments as my kids grow. Rarely is that a linear process. Technology is just one example of a slippery area. There are lots of learning tools available online, but it’s like running the digital gauntlet for a kid to stay on task. People think that because I teach Positive Discipline parenting classes, I must have this stuff nailed. I’m working through the same challenges as everyone else!
I make plenty of mistakes. Positive Discipline principles and tools act as a compass for getting back on track and focusing on solutions to daily challenges. If you’d like to
· Learn to avoid power struggles
· Make progress on reducing or eliminating some of those annoying, repetitive misbehaviors your kids are engaged in
· Improve your consistency
We did come up with a plan together, and agreed to try it out for a week and see how it goes. I was able to recover, reconnect, and hold the limit respectfully. On the second try.
What parenting challenges test your sanity?
REGISTER for a FREE tele-class:
“Summer Parenting Solutions”
Wednesday, July 3
10:00am – 11:00am PST
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Kimberly helps parents learn new ways to connect with their children in order to increase cooperation and mutual respect in families. She is a Certified Positive Discipline Trainer & facilitates parenting classes and workshops. Her two children have been her best teachers.
June 17, 2013
Taming Your To-Do List
I looked at my to do list and there was nothing on it but guilt, unrealistic expectations, and oh, did I mention guilt?
Why do I keep adding things to my list that have now business being there?
God has not given you more than you can handle, but there are so many times when things are on our list that have no earthly reason being there.
Why do we do it to ourselves? Here are a few things that creep into my list:
Ego Why do you think people start to ask of favor of you by buttering you up? “You are the only one who will get it right.” “We need someone with your leadership skills.” We lo
ve being the go to person for those to-do tasks. It gives us a tiny thrill to know that the teacher appreciation party won’t be the same without our homemade snicker doodles, that the meeting won’t be the same without our input, that your friend’s daughter only feels comfortable with you as a babysitter – no one else.
There is a special feeling that comes from feeling like you are the only one.
But when I do things to feel needed and special, I’m putting my value in other people’s hands, and not in God’s word, where it belongs.
Refusing to Ask for Help There are a few of us who feel that asking for help is a sign of failure – if I can’t do it myself, I have no value.
When I start to feel this way, I think of all the ways that my husband and I help each other. I’m more of a starter – I have the energy and excitement to carry new ideas and get other people on board. Roger is the one who can make a plan, stick to it, and actually get the project completed. We need to ake for help – there is almost no task that we are designed to do alone. God has formed us to need partners – whether it’s you husband, your co-worker, or your best friend.
Hesitancy to Say No When we say yes to someone’s request, we are often saying no to something that we should have on our list. If your list is filled with other people’s yeses, your life is probably filled with enough “no”s to make you miserable. People pleasing please people – just not you.
Fear Control issues are based in fear. When you can’t let go of the details, when you can’t trust others with what God has called them to, you are letting fear control your list – and your life
The things that are supposed to be on the list? Those are not too much for me – and for God. God – help me to keep only those things on my list that are on your list for me.
Tell me in the comments below what is on your list that isn’t supposed to be. One of the commenters will receive In the comments below, tell me one area where you feel God is calling you to step out of your comfort zone – or has in the past. I would love to give one reader a copy of my new book Praying God’s Word for Your Life
June 14, 2013
Wives – How to Encourage Your Kid’s Dad (From a Real Live Man)
Thanks to author Rob Tiegen for his insightful and encouraging ways to love on the dads in our lives. Be sure to check out our giveaway at the bottom for your chance to win.
As of this Father’s Day, I’ve been a father for 19 years. I have a son and three daughters (and a cute foster son), and being a dad is the most exciting, overwhelming, and challenging adventure I could ever experience. I’ve also become convinced that my relationship (and every dad’s relationship) with my kids is critical to their life and well-being. No matter how foolish and inconsequential society and the media can portray fathers to be, God knew what he was doing when he put a man and woman together to raise a family.
This is also the first Father’s Day I’m celebrating since my own dad passed away last fall. I’m feeling the loss and reflecting even more than ever on how important a father is in who a child will become. My dad taught me generosity. Loyalty. A strong work ethic. Devotion to God’s Word. That wedding vows are for life. That you can’t ever say “I love you” too many times. That families should celebrate life together. My dad loved me, my brothers, and my mom with all of his heart. What a contrast to the households without a father, where we see 63 percent of youth suicides, 71 percent of pregnant teens, 90 percent of homeless and runaway children, 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 71 percent of high school dropouts, 75 percent of all adolescents in chemical abuse centers and 85 percent of all youth sitting in prison. (Fatherless Generation by John Sowers, Zondervan, 2010, page 36). So do you think our kids need dads? I would say yes!
But just because I’m aware of how much my kids need me, that doesn’t mean I always know what I’m doing. I can feel like I’m stumbling in the dark as I try to cultivate a healthy relationship with each of them. Not only are they each unique and complex individuals, as soon as I think I’m getting them figured out they grow a year older and their needs change yet again. I find that the encouragement I receive from my wife, Joanna, helps keep me going when I lose heart in my fathering. Wives have a tremendous impact on their husbands’ motivation to invest time and energy in their kids. As we head into Father’s Day and celebrate the dads in our lives, here are a few ways you can be a support every day of the year.
First and foremost, let them know what great dads they are! It may seem obvious, but it’s so easy in the busy day-to-day to forget to say the words that build up your husband. I do this all the time with Joanna. We fall into our routine, and I act like the clean clothes, meals on the table, and kids who arrive on time at school and piano lessons just happen by some kind of magic or by pushing a button. But NO, my wife does all these things quietly, with little complaining and few rewards or accolades. She needs to hear how much I appreciate all she does, and dads need to hear how valuable they are too. When my wife reminds the kids that their new shoes were purchased with my hard-earned paycheck, or gives me a hug and hot cup of coffee after I’ve shoveled the snow off the driveway, or thanks me for tackling an attitude issue with our teenager, it inspires me to step up even more to serve and care for our family. So tell your husband what he’s doing right—be specific and make sure you build him up in earshot of your kids, too!
A second way you can be an encouragement is to carve out time for the kids and dad to spend time together. Let’s face it, life gets really busy. And when our schedules get full, we often lose time for the most important things–the people and relationships God has given us. Men can tend to be more focused on tasks and activities than connecting with others. It can take intentional effort to connect in meaningful ways with our kids. Since it’s often the mom who manages the calendar, help him by blocking out some time each week where he can spend quality time with the kids. When you make decisions about what after-school activities or church commitments you’ll sign up for, keep your family relationships in mind so they’re not placed at the bottom of the list. Give your husband freedom to take your daughter out for pancakes on Saturday morning. Or a couple hours one evening every week to play at the park and get an ice cream cone with your son. Set aside a consistent family night where you play games, go swimming or bowling, or stay up late and watch movies in your pajamas. I appreciate that Joanna supports my commitment to time with our kids. We are seeing it pay off in lots of great memories and connections with each other.
The third way you can encourage the dads in your life is to pray for them. If you have concerns about your relationship with your own father or the way your husband is interacting with your kids, take it to the perfect Father who is Lord of the universe. Invite God’s power into your home. Seek him for wisdom and insight, especially in how to talk to your dad or husband about what you’re feeling. Ask him to soften their hearts to receive what you have to say. Ask him to strengthen them when they’re discouraged or insecure as fathers. (Kathi has wonderful insights about prayer in her book Praying God’s Word for Your Husband
) Prayer works! And God can enable your husband to do more than you could ever imagine.
Maybe some of you are reading this and are frustrated because your husband is totally disengaged at home. You would love to tell him he’s doing a good job and help him make time to spend with the kids, but he doesn’t show any interest in connecting with your family. Some dads are physically present but absent in every other way. Maybe he’s running to the job, to sports, or to projects in the garage. Maybe he’s tuning all of you out by focusing on the computer or entertainment. It’s possible your husband feels like a failure as a father so he’s running to things that make him feel competent. If he’s the go-to guy at work or at his golf league, but he’s feeling insecure or devalued at home, he’s going to go where he feels successful. You can help so much in how you set the tone at home. He’ll respond to appreciation, respect, and affection. You might not see much you admire right at this moment, but try to find any small thing you can validate in him today. And like I said before, pray hard!
Finally, I will tell you that I’m a very different parent than my wife. While we’re unified in our main goals for our kids, the way we go about parenting and interacting with them doesn’t look the same. Mom is focused on nutrition, bedtime, and if homework got done. Dad is thinking about road trips, roughhousing, and how much ice cream I can cram into the cone! I like to get rowdy (and recently broke a vase playing ball in the house) and she likes to do crafts and read books with the girls. Over the years, though, we’ve learned to celebrate each other’s way of parenting. We can see that between us the kids have a fuller range of experiences and outlooks that we’re bringing into their lives. Give your husband room to parent with his own personality and perspective. If he knows he can be himself he’ll want to be in the mix more than ever.
I’m so thankful for the privilege of being a dad. And for having a wife to share in the journey with me.
Blessings to you and your family this Father’s Day.
Rob Teigen
Friends – Rob wants to bless you and the men in your life. Just tell us one way you are going to encourage the dad in your kid’s life this weekend, and we will randomly pick five people to win his amazing book 88 Great Daddy-Daughter Dates: Fun, Easy & Creative Ways to Build Memories Together
(Or, if you need a quick Father’s Day gift, you can order the Kindle version here.)
Wives – How to Encourage Your Kid’s Dad (From a Real Live Man)
June 10, 2013
When You Feel Insufficient
My husband, Roger, is one of those guys who would do anything you needed – just ask. He calls himself a handyman for the 21st century: Need a network for your home? Call Rog. Want Roger’s salsa recipe? No need – he’ll make his famous appetizer for you.
As great as my husband is, though, Roger is often reluctant to “put himself out there”. He is hesitant to get involved in situations that he doesn’t know anything about. He wants to help people, but he is much more comfortable when the help is asked for.
So when I asked him how his day had gone, I was shocked when he told that he stopped at a multi-car accident on the way home.
“Yeah, it was a three car accident. The front two cars had minor damage, but the third car was totaled. No one else was stopping, so I figured I better stop. I helped the third woman, got her calmed down, and then called 911. I stayed with all three women until the ambulance, police, and fire department arrived.”
I’m not telling this story to brag on my man, (although I’m really proud of him…) I’m telling this story for a couple of reasons.
How to Help When You Don’t Feel Like Enough
We don’t avoid helping people because we’re bad people – we avoid because it presses up against our comfort zone.
Sometimes when we step out of our comfort zone, we are not going to get the reaction we would hope for. This just happened to me yesterday – I
went up to a woman at the airport to let her know her sweater was one inside out (she was right outside of security so it would be easy to get it turned inside out.) After I told her she literally looked down her nose at me and said, “OK” in a huffy voice as if to say “How dare you bother me with such a trivial matter.” At first I felt bad and rejected, but Roger reminded me, “You would want someone to tell you. You did the right thing.”When we do the right thing, God will give you the words to say. You don’t have to be fully prepared before you help. You just have to show up – God will equip you for what to do and say next.
In the comments below, tell me one area where you feel God is calling you to step out of your comfort zone – or has in the past. I would love to give one reader a copy of my new book Praying God’s Word for Your Life
June 3, 2013
When You’re Feeling Hopeless
I’m waiting for things to change.
I pray and I work, but whether it’s circumstances or sin, I get in a place where I’m stuck. Where I feel that things are the way they are, and they are never going to change.
Maybe for you it’s your marriage.
Or your weight.
Or that child that is living any way except the way that you raised them.
Maybe it’s money, or not being where you want to be in your career.
Or maybe it’s the feeling that things are happening for everyone else, but not for you.
It’s amazing that things can be clicking along in some areas of my life, (my marriage, my career,) but just thinking about other areas (physically, relationally,) can make me feel like my whole life is just a huge, overwhelming mess. And that’s when I want to give up.
I pray and I wait, and then I grow weary of praying, because my prayers feel like they are going unanswered. And then I feel as if God has grown tired of me and all of my wants and needs. It makes me feel like I’m that kid in second grade whose gone to the teacher just one too many times and has been asked to take her seat and quit bothering everyone.
I usually feel that way when I’m not spending time in the truth. When I’m relying on my own faulty thinking instead of relying on God’s own thoughts about what I should believe. And this is what he says to me:
“We are not hopeless. We are the children of an all-powerful savior who wants us to cast all our cares on him.” 1 Peter 5:7 ‘Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’ He love us and cares for you.
Don’t give up. Don’t give up. Don’t give up.
In celebration of my new book: Praying God’s Word for Your Life
I will be giving out a copy a week. Just comment below and tell me one area where you are being faithful to wait on God. A winner will be chosen Monday, June 10th.
When Your Feeling Hopeless
I’m waiting for things to change.
I pray and I work, but whether it’s circumstances or sin, I get in a place where I’m stuck. Where I feel that things are the way they are, and they are never going to change.
Maybe for you it’s your marriage.
Or your weight.
Or that child that is living any way except the way that you raised them.
Maybe it’s money, or not being where you want to be in your career.
Or maybe it’s the feeling that things are happening for everyone else, but not for you.
It’s amazing that things can be clicking along in some areas of my life, (my marriage, my career,) but just thinking about other areas (physically, relationally,) can make me feel like my whole life is just a huge, overwhelming mess. And that’s when I want to give up.
I pray and I wait, and then I grow weary of praying, because my prayers feel like they are going unanswered. And then I feel as if God has grown tired of me and all of my wants and needs. It makes me feel like I’m that kid in second grade whose gone to the teacher just one too many times and has been asked to take her seat and quit bothering everyone.
I usually feel that way when I’m not spending time in the truth. When I’m relying on my own faulty thinking instead of relying on God’s own thoughts about what I should believe. And this is what he says to me:
“We are not hopeless. We are the children of an all-powerful savior who wants us to cast all our cares on him.” 1 Peter 5:7 ‘Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’ He love us and cares for you.
Don’t give up. Don’t give up. Don’t give up.
In celebration of my new book: Praying God’s Word for Your Life I will be giving out a copy a week. Just comment below and tell me one area where you are being faithful to wait on God. A winner will be chosen Monday, June 10th.
June 2, 2013
My Goals this Week, Tips for Achieving Your Goals #1, and Win The Me Project
Tips for Achieving Your Goals
Have you ever gotten to the end of a week and thought, “I had such plans. How did this week get away from me?”
Each Monday, I write out a list of goals for the week. I’ll be honest – it takes some time – sometimes 15 minutes – sometimes, much longer. It seems like it should be easy to think of them, but I can overwhelm myself by wanting to come up with too many – I keep it to two goals in five areas: Home, Relationships, Me, Business and God. That doesn’t mean that I don’t do anything else in those areas. What it does mean is that by next Saturday, I want to look back on this list and have these specific things done.
Some of them I need to break down, (finish speaker page is multiple steps and will involve multiple people,) but if I don’t write down the goal, and then break it down, it will stay on my mental “wish list” for months.
Many of these goals are part of my bigger plan for life. “Research shade solutions for back patio,” is part of my summer goal or having an outdoor living space. Again, breaking things down into 15 minute chunks (that’s all it takes to start researching,) will get me that much closer to my goal.
So here are my goals for the week. I hope they serve as a little inspiration:
Home Goals
Make meal plans for the month of June (including trying two new healthy menu options)
Research backyard shade solutions
Relationship Goals
Plan June Birthday parties/Father’s Day
Plan a date with Roger for Washington
Me Goals
Walk 1 Mile, 3xs
Read The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Business Goals
Finish my speaker page
Read Podcast Launch – A Step by Step Podcasting Guide Including 15 Video Tutorials
God Goals
Names of God study
Extended Quite Time on Wednesday
And now you: Tell me at least 3 goals you have for the week, and I will enter you to win The Me Project
Entries must be received by June 7th!
My Goals this Week, Tips for Achieving Your Goals #1, and Win The Me Project
May 22, 2013
When being 40% Brave (or Qualified) is Enough
There are times when my husband can still shock me.
I was reading the memoir/manifesto of Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. In one of the chapters about why women try less often for management jobs than their male counterparts, she revealed this fascinating statistic about my husband’s own company:
Internal research by Hewlett-Packard found that women only apply for jobs for which they feel they are a 100% match; men do so even when they meet no more than 60% of the requirements.
I couldn’t believe it and shared that stat with Roger adding on, “Why would anyone apply for a job that they were only 60% qualified for?”
And Roger said, “Oh I’ve done that. I’m guessing some of the jobs I’ve applied for I was probably 40% qualified for.”
I couldn’t believe it. My husband is one of the smartest, most capable men I know. So what was he doing going around applying for jobs that he was completely unqualified for?
He continued. “Yeah, I figure, if it’s something I’m interested in, I can figure it out as I go along. I can do the research – and where better to learn than on the job.” And the crazy thing is? Nine times out of ten? He’s gotten the job.
And it made me think – how many times have I not gone for something I really wanted, simply because I was worried about someone calling me out – telling me I’m a fraud – unqualified - a poser. Why haven’t I gone with my husband’s plan – realizing I have gifts and can learn what I need to learn as I go. Whether it’s a new job, being a mom, volunteering or anything I really want to do but is outside my zone.
What would you do if you didn’t worry about other people’s reactions? What would you want to try, learn, do if you weren’t afraid?
May 19, 2013
Are You Stuck?
I’ve been in that place – stuck.
Stuck in my relationships, stuck in my relationship with God, stuck in sticky situations, stuck in my job. Stuck.
And can we just say it? Stuck sucks.
Oh I would pray. I would. But the problem was I would offer up one feeble prayer to God and just wait. And wait. It wasn’t until I got persistent with God – when I kept coming to him again and again until I saw things start to shake loose, that I really believed that God not only could change the circumstances in my life – I started to believe that he loved me enough to do so.
And that’s why I wrote Praying God’s Word for Your Life – because I want you to experience God’s “shaking loose” in your life. I want you to walk through life not only knowing God can, but that God loves you enough to change your life.
I want to offer you a discount on the book until the official release June 1. We will be going through the book together on the blog, so get your copy and get ready to change your life.
On sale for $10 on my website until May 31st
