Fern Schumer Chapman's Blog, page 15
April 6, 2022
Interview with author marks one year anniversary of her book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers
In this special video, we discuss Fern Schumer Chapman’s book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation, one year after its publication. Here, Fern shares her own heartbreak and devastation during the decades-long estrangement with her only brother. She talks about why she decided to write the book, and the challenges of finding resources for the under-investigated topic of sibling estrangement. The book was released during COVID, and that created unique marketing challenges. Still, her book has found a large audience, and the readership is expanding in print, ebooks, and audio. Similar to the “Me Too” movement, Fern says, now that she has shared her story, many others have come forward and admitted that they, too, are struggling with embarrassing and humiliating cutoffs from a sibling. She discloses how her brother and mother have reacted to the book and how its publication has changed their relationships. As a result of the book’s publication, psychologytoday.com invited Fern to explore the topic in blog posts. Here is a link to her work at psychologytoday.com: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/co… .The book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers, weaves Fern’s personal story, the voices and insights of hundreds of people suffering from sibling alienation, and the latest social science. One reviewer called the book “a terrific, compassionate, much-needed book about broken family relationships and the path to healing.”
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Mark National Siblings Day by Making Peace With Estrangement
National Siblings Day is April 10—just around the corner. For sisters and brothers who enjoy good relationships, it’s a welcome cue to appreciate those loving bonds. But for the estranged, National Sibling Day is no cause for celebration.
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March 31, 2022
New psyschologytoday.com post: Ten risk factors for sibling estrangement
In 2014, when a possibility of reconciliation with my estranged brother surfaced, I was determined to do everything possible to reestablish a connection—and never let it go.
I sent myself on a quest to understand the complexities of sibling estrangement. I soon realized that the topic is grossly unacknowledged and under-investigated. Nonetheless, I was surprised to learn that social science research has identified certain risk factors that increase the chances of a sibling cutoff.
Here are ten risk factors for sibling estrangement:
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March 15, 2022
My mother’s beloved storks return to her hometown in Germany
For fans of MOTHERLAND and my mom, Edith Westerfeld Schumer…
My dear German friend sent me these photos this morning. My mother’s beloved storks have just returned to Stockstadt. When my mother was a child, she would say good-bye to the birds in the fall when they migrated to Africa. Every spring, she would wait for them to return. She could recognize some of the birds and she even named them.
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New psychologytoday.com blog post: Siblings may grow closer when parents divorce
A friend of the New York Times writer Ellen Umansky was struggling with her daughters who simply couldn’t get along. The friend asked Umansky how she could get her daughters to be as close as Umansky and her brother.
“You and your husband should separate,” Umansky replied. “Then go through an ugly divorce. That’ll bring your kids together.”
There’s truth to Umansky’s gallows humor.
Link to article:
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March 8, 2022
How “Is It Night or Day?” got its title…
When I was writing the story of my mother’s immigration journey as an unaccompanied minor, I read an article in the New York Times about the orphaned children in the Sudanese Civil War. Fleeing tribal warfare and animal attacks, the “Lost Boys” camped out, subsisting on rationed corn mush and lentils. Many died of starvation and thirst.
The article featured “three bone-thin African boys” who had the good fortune of coming to America on a church-sponsored program. Without money, coats, or baggage, the boys arrived in Fargo on a cold, December evening. Most had never seen a shoelace, seatbelt, fork, or light switch. Suddenly, they entered a completely new world of white faces, rolling suitcases, blinking television screens, flushing toilets, and moving airport walkways.
One of the boys looked out the airport window at the white dots against a black sky. Puzzled, he asked one of his sponsors, “Excuse me,” he said, “Can you tell me, please, is it now night or day?”
When I told my daughter Isabelle Chapman this story, she said, “That’s your title, Mom!”
The Lost Boys are the extreme, however, many child refugees are so disoriented that they don’t know if it’s night or day — literally and metaphorically.
My heart breaks for the Ukrainian child refugees.
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March 6, 2022
New psychologytoday.com post: When Partners and Siblings Can’t Get Along
Sisters and brothers face one of the most perilous moments in their relationship when one of them chooses a life partner.
I didn’t recognize the prevalence of this stress point until I conducted an informal survey for my book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation. Many respondents blamed a spouse or partner for fracturing a sibling relationship.
Link to full post:
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February 22, 2022
Latest psychologytoday.com post: “Are My Sibling and I Estranged?”
The basics on sibling estrangement for those who don’t know whether a brother or sister has cut them off.
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February 21, 2022
First time my formerly estranged brother joins me for a radio interview!
When a public radio station in North Carolina asked if my formerly estranged brother would come on a show to discuss family estrangement and reconciliation, he said yes! Interesting to hear his perspective. Here is the interview. Our segment starts at 25:00.
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February 11, 2022
New psychologytoday.com post: 8 Misperceptions about Sibling Estrangement
Misperceptions abound as estranged siblings avoid discussing their experiences.
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