Mike Trigg's Blog, page 6

Bit Flip Available for Pre-Order

[image error]

Order Bit Flip today from Amazon or your local independent bookstore.

As I shared by email a couple weeks ago (subscribe if you aren’t already), I’m thrilled to announce that my debut novel, Bit Flip, is now available for pre-order! Although the publication date of August 16, 2022 is still more than six months away, this is an exciting milestone—simultaneously marking the home stretch of the long publishing process, and the beginning stages of promotion.

When I launched my author site in August 2019, I naively thought my book would surely be out within a year. Then, of course, COVID happened, which set back the timeframe and even caused me to fret at one point that the pandemic could scuttle the book. But the main reason for the delay was all the hard work a first-time author underestimates—revising the manuscript, submitting to agents and publishers, designing the cover and interior, copyediting, proofreading, and the million other steps of publishing a book.

Now I turn my full attention to publicity and promotion, and that’s where you come in!

The only way to make a book a literary and commercial success (the latter being particularly rare these days!) is through a community of enthusiastic supporters. You are the heart of that community! I’ve been so incredibly grateful for the outpouring of support from friends, family, and followers at every step of this endeavor. So if you’ve read this blog, visited this site, clicked on links, tolerated my self-promotional social media posts, opened my emails, and still haven’t yet clicked the unsubscribe button, I consider you a fan! And the bigger this fan club becomes, the more successful the book will be.

I’ve been a marketer most of my career, but novels are weird things to promote. Nobody needs a novel. Unlike nonfiction genres, like self-help, business management, or academic texts, that can claim to educate and inform their readers, novels don’t really solve a problem. There is no pain point. In the analogy of aspirin vs vitamin, novels are ketchup packets—cherished when the moment is right, but abundant, easily forgotten, infrequently consumed, and too-often stashed in the bottom drawer.

For novels, a.k.a. Adult Fiction, there were about 174 million print books sold in 2021 and another 100 million or so ebooks. The good news is that’s the highest unit sales in over a decade (thanks COVID!). The bad news, for authors at least, is there are literally millions of novels published every year. I’m not a mathematician, but I was not surprised to read that 98 percent of books publishers released in 2020 sold fewer than 5,000 copies and the average book sells fewer than 1,000 copies over its lifetime.

With such depressing supply and demand dynamics, there’s really only one formula for success:

A first group of brave early-adopters (hopefully, you!) buy the book, then actually read the book.

Those readers like the book enough to tell other people about the book—through ratings, reviews, posts, word-of-mouth, BookToks, or whatever.

Having heard about a great new book, more readers decide to buy the book as one of precious few 12 books (on average) they’ll read this year.

And the cycle continues. If I was marketing a tech product, I’d call that a viral coefficient—the number of additional readers each new reader generates.

So . . . my job as a reticent self-promoter is to propel you through the escalating stages of fandom to get this snowball rolling. So here we go:

Stage 1: Buy the Book

Huge thanks to so many of you who have already pre-ordered Bit Flip! (PS—Be sure to let me know. I’m cooking up a special thank you!)

As conscientious buyers, many of you have asked, “Where should I buy the book?” The short answer is: “Anywhere that’s convenient for you!”

As an independent author with an independent publisher, I like supporting independent book stores. Mine is Kepler’s in Menlo Park, CA. But the book is available at a wide variety of indy stores or on Bookshop.org. So try those first. That said, I’m not one of those authors who boycotts Amazon. In fact, momentum on Amazon is critical to overall sales, so if you like the convenience of your Prime membership, by all means, buy it there—or Barnes & Noble, Target, Walmart, or another big retailer. It also doesn’t matter if you buy it in print or ebook (or, hopefully soon, audiobook). If that’s your jam, download it from Apple, Kindle, or Google Play.

These pre-sales really make a big difference. Remember, it only has to sell a few hundred copies to be in the top 5% of book sales. So take a flyer and invest the $17.95 (or just $9.95 for the ebook) and buy it today.

Stage 2: Read the Book!

When the book ships in August, I hope you’ll read it right away—even if you borrow a friend’s copy, hijack your nephew’s Kindle version, or buy it used on eBay to do so. Believe it or not, you reading the book is far more important to me than you buying it. Why? Because the more precious commodity than money is time. I’m trying to get you to spend 8-10 hours of your life reading this book. That’s worth way more than the $17.95 you spent or the roughly $3-4 per copy I earn on book sales. So, while I want you to buy it, I really want you to read it.

If you’ve already pre-ordered and can’t wait until August to read it, send me an email or contact form, and I’ll get you a galley copy of the book earlier.

Stage 3: Spread the Word

Once you have bought it, read it, and, hopefully, loved it, it’s time to let others know. The brilliant thing about books and authors is there are many, many ways you can do this. Here are some suggestions:

Subscribe to my newsletter if you aren’t already.

Follow me on all the socials—including Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

Post the image above along with an endorsement, @mention, link to the Amazon page, etc. to your followers on the aforementioned socials.

Follow my author page on Amazon and give a rating and review.

Follow my author page on Goodreads and give a rating and review.

While you’re on Goodreads, add Bit Flip to your “Want to Read” list, add/vote for it on book lists like this, and submit a question or discussion topic.

Recommend Bit Flip to friends, family, work colleagues, book groups, and anyone else you think might read it.

A big thank you to all of you for your help and support. Thank you to my publisher, SparkPress. Brooke Warner, Shannon Green, and the whole team there have been so helpful and patient throughout this process. And thank you to my publicity team, Crystal Patriarche, Tabitha Bailey, and Hanna Lindsley at BookSparks.

7 Tips for Reading More in 2022

All 52 books I read in 2021. Follow me on Goodreads to see what I’m reading.

During this time of year when many of us make New Year’s resolutions, I’m pleased to share that I achieved a personal goal of 2021: reading 52 novels in the year. Notably, not just 52 books but 52 novels—fiction, specifically. (Although, in full disclosure, I did count two memoirs and one narrative nonfiction title since they were written by novelists I admire!)

I should note, while that number was a bit of a stretch goal for me when I set it last January (particularly since some of these COVID tomes logged in at over 600 pages!), that I don’t consider 52 novels an inherently impressive reading goal. Indeed, many people in the publishing world probably read that many novels in a month.

Of course, that doesn’t prevent me from humble-bragging about it. Hell, it doesn’t prevent me from writing an entire blog post about it. When I not-so-subtly manage to weave this achievement into casual conversation, it tends to elicit one of two questions. The more avid readers usually ask, “what do you recommend?” I try to tailor my response to my perception of what that person might like, but I also did a separate post of my top 5 favorite novels of 2021 in response to this first question. Or you can see my Goodreads 52-in-21 list for ratings and reviews of everything I read in the year.

The other question I often get is something more along the lines of, “how do you have that much time to read?” My flippant answer is that I haven’t been gainfully employed in the last year! But while my flexible schedule has certainly helped, I believe reading this many books is a very achievable and sustainable goal, even with the demands of a busy job, raising children, and other time commitments.

For some people, reading at this pace comes easily—the true “book people.” The ones who genuinely live to read and do so with a singular intensity that borders on OCD. These people have MFA degrees and voraciously consume literature under green lamps at libraries while smoking a pipe. Some wear tweed, consider chess a sport, and can’t immediately recall the names of their children. Others binge-read romance novels on their Nook with a box of white Zinfandel and a pile of crumpled tissues. This post is not for those readers.

This post is for people like me who love read, but love to do a bunch of other stuff as well. People who want to read more but feel like they don’t have enough time. The reality is you do have enough time to read at this pace. I’m an MBA, not an MFA. So let me break this down in practical terms.

First, some assumptions to figure out how much time we're talking about here:

The average American novel is usually between 80,000-120,000 words (or 300-500 pages). Anecdotally, it seems like novels are starting to bifurcate into closer to 250 pages or 500+ pages, but for the sake of simple math, let's say the average novel is 100,000 words or 400 pages.

The average American person reads at a pace around 200-300 words per minute, or 12,000-18,000 words per hour. By that measure, a 100,000-word book would take around 5.5 to 8.5 hours to read. Some people read faster, some slower. And some books can be read faster, some slower. Other research suggests the average person reads about 40 pages per hour, so the same 400-page book would take them 10 hours to finish.

So, to net this out, let’s say the average novel requires 8-10 hours to read depending how fast you read and what you’re reading. So that’s what you need to find each week to finish one novel per week, or 52 in a year. That may sound like a lot of time (practically an entire work day!), but it’s really not.

Before getting into my seven tips, I have to point out that you could easily solve this with one tip: TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING TV! The average American watches a staggering 28 hours of television every week! If just that time alone was instead allocated to reading, you’d be logging over 100 books/year without breaking a sweat. TV is the main reason reading in America has declined so much. But I get that a full TV embargo is not very practical. Reading a novel about my beloved Green Bay Packers isn’t quite the same thing as watching the game live—even if I need to sit through 4 hours and 72 Toyota commercials. And, let’s face it, sometimes vegging out in front of the Sex and the City remake is just what you need to do after a long day, even if it’s just so you can complain about how bad it is.

That said, here are seven practical tips for reading more by finding 8-10 hours per week for reading:

Allocate a family reading night—if your spouse, partner, or kids are watching TV, you’re probably going to get sucked in or at least distracted. Rather than a full TV embargo, a simple solution is to allocate one night per week to reading—that’s it. Could be a Tuesday. There’s nothing good on Tuesday nights anyway. Reading gain: 2-4 hours/week.

Cut out junk media—just like there’s junk food, there’s a lot of junk media. Content that is laden with fat (i.e. advertising) with very low nutritional (i.e. informational) value. TV, especially the deep cable infomercial crap, is notorious for this. But so is social media, of which we consume about two hours per day on average. For me, the big wins were to almost entirely eliminate radio (except NPR) and magazines (except The New Yorker) from my media diet. For example, I was reading three cooking magazines that are almost entirely ads—complete waste of my mental bandwidth. Whatever your junk media is, cut it out. Trust me, you won’t miss it. Reading gain: 2 hours/week.

Take control back from your phone—smartphones and the constant distractions they facilitate have quickly overcome TV as the primary way we waste time. Americans clock 5-6 hours/day on our phones, and that's not even including work-related time. Whether your vice of choice is Candy Crush or Snapchat, you need to control it, or it will control you. Put down your phone, turn off notifications, or leave it in another room if you really can’t help yourself. And if you need an intervention, here are some tips from the Center for Humane Technology for taking back control. Reading gain: 4 hours/week.

Buy more books—this sounds so simple, and really . . . it is. That physical reminder of a stack of books that you want to read sitting on your desk or nightstand is one of the easiest things you can do to encourage yourself to read more. So go to your local independent bookstore at least once a month and just grab four books you think look interesting. You may not read them all. That's OK! You can afford the $80-100/month investment, probably half what you're paying per month for cable TV.

Embrace audiobooks—almost every book title is now available in a high-quality audiobook that is two clicks away on your phone. Forming this habit was a huge boost to my book consumption, enabling me to pick up two critical chunks of time: drive time and exercise time. Americans spend over 8 hours per week in their cars and let’s call it 90 minutes per week doing physical activity. That’s a lot of time. I used to think listening to audiobooks was cheating, but I’ve found just as much enjoyment and retention of audio “reading” as visual reading. Over one-third of the books I read last year were on audiobook. It was one of the biggest time unlocks for reading I found. And I still have plenty of time to listen to podcasts or Spotify. Reading gain: 3 hours/week.

Consume books concurrently—I used to read books sequentially, not starting a new one until I finished the previous one. Now I am almost always reading three books at a time, usually one in hardcopy, one e-book, and one audiobook. As long as the genres and plots are different enough, I have no difficulty keeping the stories distinct in my mind. What this unlocks is dozens of little micro-pockets of time—picking up your kids, waiting for a train or bus, idling before Zoom calls, etc.—that readily become reading time. These little 5-10 minute windows quickly add up. Reading gain: 1 hour/week.

Set a reading goal—Finally, I have to admit, having a goal of reading 52 books in 2021 was itself a motivation. Like any self-improvement goal or New Year's resolution, the mere act of setting it can help you achieve it. If you use Goodreads, try out their handy reading challenge feature for an easy way to set a number that will push you but you can strive to hit.

All together, the above tips should carve out 12-14 hours per week that you can use for reading without drastic changes in your habits or time allocation. After a year of reading at this pace, it now feels normal to me. Like an exercise routine or other healthy habit that no longer seems daunting but a regular part of my life. So, of course, I've set out on another 52-book challenge for 2022, and with my January goal already almost done, I'm off to a good start. Happy reading!

My Top 5 Books of 2021

After reading a bunch of great books in 2021, I decided to put together my first ever Top 5 Books of the Year. To be considered, the book had to be published in 2021 and read by me, so this list is limited and highly subjective.

A few more caveats: first, obviously, I only scratched the surface of all the great novels that came out last year, so there are many more (some of which I’ll probably read in 2022) that should be included. For a more thorough evaluation, consult a proper “best-of” list. Second, because I couldn't narrow the list down to just 5, I permitted myself the cheat of most “top X lists,” and included some ties—nudging this top 5 to seven titles, plus two honorable mentions. Third, an actual ranking of books is almost impossible, so I’ve grouped these by different categories as follows.

For fans of literary fiction:

Both these books are by authors I admire immensely, so I was eagerly awaiting the release of their new novels. If you enjoy artfully crafted and immersive stories, these are for you.

CLOUD CUCKOO LAND by Anthony Doerr

This was the last book I read in 2021. At 622 pages, it required every minute of extra time I had during that week of vacation between Christmas and New Years. But it was well worth it. Following a similar structure as Doerr's previous novel (and one of my all-time favorites), ALL THE LIGHT WE CANNOT SEE, this novel truly defies explanation. Doerr somehow weaves a compelling story that alternates between a 15th-century siege of Constantinople, a terrorist plot at a library in contemporary Idaho, and a futuristic interstellar space voyage—all improbably connected through a fanciful ancient Greek legend. You have to read it to understand it. It is an ode to the power of literature to inspire hope, humanity, and love.

THE LINCOLN HIGHWAY by Amor Towles

After reading A GENTLEMAN IN MOSCOW (2016) earlier last year, I couldn’t wait for this highly-anticipated work of historical fiction. Although a completely different time, country, and premise, the perfectly rendered prose of Towles is unmistakable. Abandoned by his mother, orphaned by his father, and their family farm foreclosed upon by bankers, recently paroled Emmett and his eight-year old brother embark from 1950s Nebraska to start new lives in California, but get seriously sidetracked along the way. Mixing unreliable narrators, complex characters, and different narrative voices, THE LINCOLN HIGHWAY is a testament to the power of great storytelling.

For aspiring authors:

Part of what I loved about these next two novels was their embedded commentary on the craft of writing.

A CALLING FOR CHARLIE BARNES by Joshua Ferris

Another book by a writer whose previous work (THEN WE CAME TO THE END) I thoroughly enjoyed, this latest novel by Joshua Ferris is nothing short of brilliant—maybe my favorite this year. It starts out as what seems like a heart-felt tribute to a fractured family, but then evolves into a self-effacing quasi-memoir, full of childhood revelations of a parental shortcomings. But the big payoff is at the end when it transforms yet again to a meta-commentary about how we want to curate our own portrayals and the power of controlling the narrative. There’s just so much going on here, so artfully rendered, I wanted to read it again immediately after finishing it.

THE PLOT by Jean Hanff Korelitz

This was just such an engaging novel (that I just as easily could have put in the next category of Fans of Thrillers), but with a literary sensibility that makes it entirely unique. As a writer, I absolutely loved this book. It’s a story, within a story, within a story—all perfectly aligned and intertwined in a delicious gem of a novel. When once-promising novelist Jacob Bonner steals the plot of one of his now-deceased MFA students, he finally achieves best-selling literary success. But, as he’s enjoying his fame and fortune, an anonymous accuser begins to reveal his appropriation of the story. With an amazing twist at the end, this story raises such interesting questions about the creative process and how we derive inspiration.

For fans of thrillers:

Thrillers are my genre of choice for my own writing, and this one was my favorite this year (I’d cross-reference THE PLOT here as well).

THE LAST THING HE TOLD ME by Laura Dave

I thoroughly enjoyed this novel set in contemporary San Francisco Bay Area. This story grabs you from the beginning and is probably the closest thing I’ve read to what I’m trying to accomplish in my debut novel, BIT FLIP. When her new husband suddenly disappears to escape fraud at his tech company, Hannah is compelled by a note that says only, “Protect her” to help his sixteen-year-old daughter from a prior marriage, Bailey. Struggling in their new relationship as stepmother and daughter, they set out to discover the truth of her husband’s disappearance, ultimately forging an unexpected bond. This book has the pace and suspense of the best beach-read thriller, but stands out with a depth of sincerity and self-discovery unique in the genre.

For fans of social commentary:

Something I always aspire to in my work is to offer a broader cultural critique, and these two novels expertly achieved this.

THE EVERY by Dave Eggers

A loose sequel to Eggers’ 2013 novel (and movie), THE CIRCLE, this timely novel punches you between the eyes. Although it shares some characters with the previous book, THE EVERY can be read independently and primarily shares the message of the first book—a cautionary social commentary on the power of Big Tech. Based on a hypothetical Facebook-Amazon mash-up company called the Every, the story features Delaney, a tech skeptic who conspires to destroy the company from the inside as a new hire. As she proposes increasingly outrageous ideas conceived to expose the Every’s proclivity for violating privacy and decency, each is met with unwavering enthusiasm by a public who seems blissfully unaware of and unconcerned about what they are giving up. With a blend of satire and social commentary, this story resonated with me because it explores similar themes in a similar style as my own work. Eggers brilliantly weaves a credible tale of how the most noble, often progressive, intentions, when combined with ubiquitous technology and surveillance, are destroying our civil liberties, individual freedom, and possibly even our will to live. A must read for anyone working within a tech company who has drunk the Kool-Aid.

ANIMAL by Lisa Taddeo

I’m not sure I expected to enjoy this book as much as I did. But it’s such a unique narrative voice that I was captivated from the beginning and read it through in just a couple days. It definitely has dark moments, but I was immediately engaged by Joan, the compulsive protagonist and unreliable narrator. Escaping a series of dysfunctional relationships that culminate in a traumatic act of violence, Joan moves from New York City to Los Angeles to try to understand the horrible events of her past. I love characters who are both the protagonist and antagonist, often at the same time, even within the same sentence. Taddeo masterfully captures a rare and captivating female voice in Joan, who teeters between justifiable rage and self-destructive tendencies—transforming “from prey into predator,” in the words of the book’s summary—while dropping a broader social commentary on misogyny in our culture and the contradictory expectations placed on women.

Finally, two more exceptional books that I couldn’t include or this list (or it would have become a Top 10!), but I have to give an honorary mention to GOLD DIGGERS by Sanjena Sathian and KLARA AND THE SUN by Kazuo Ishiguro. Both novels are incredibly unique, thought-provoking, and well-written.

What books are you looking forward to in 2022? Connect with me on Goodreads and let me know what you recommend.

2021 Holiday COVID Guide

A Handy Guide to 2021 Holiday COVID Etiquette

When and where you’ll need one of these this holiday season. (Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash)

With the rise of the Omicron variant of COVID-19 and the onslaught of holiday social gatherings, navigating the latest mask mandates, vaccination requirements, and social distancing guidelines can be a challenge—not to mention cultural norms that vary by region, family, and forum, further complicating the already awkward traditions of the holidays. So, to keep you and your loved ones safe—and avoid being socially ostracized—here is a helpful guide to Holiday 2021 COVID etiquette.

Activity: Festive dinner with friends at a restaurant

Location: San Francisco, CA

COVID Etiquette: Arrive with a face covering and proof of vaccination. A picture of your vaccination card is fine, even if it’s actually a picture of a parking ticket. Masks may be removed once seated. It’s chill... we’re all vaccinated.

Activity: Shopping for the family feast at a farmers’ market

Location: Berkeley, CA

COVID Etiquette: Must wear a face covering at all times over nose and mouth, preferably hand-woven, sustainably-sourced, and fair-trade certified. Hemp strongly preferred. Must show proof of vaccination, and a booster. Moderna preferred. J&J not accepted due to their role in the opioid crisis. Social distancing that encroaches a ten-foot perimeter will be met with a stern reprimand from the lady in front of you in line, paying for organic kale with nickels.

Activity: Company holiday party

Location: Palo Alto, CA

COVID Etiquette: Wear a mask, but no biggie if it slips off your nose, or under your chin, or into your pocket. Mask also not required any time you’re eating, drinking, or talking, or... basically anytime. Consider returning mask to cover your nose and mouth when Anne from HR close-talks you, or Tom from Accounting showers you in spittle as he devours a bacon-wrapped shrimp. Good news, you can leave your vaccination card at home. All you need is a 2FA-validated QR code from your Clear app and a quick DocuSign of the liability waiver.

Activity: Holiday craft fair

Location: Portland, OR

COVID Etiquette: All vendors will be outdoors, in a parking lot, at a minimum social distance of six feet. No need for a vaccination card as long as you wear a “This guy is vaccinated” t-shirt. Don’t touch any items for sale. If you touch something, you have to buy it—including the hand-crocheted ornaments by the patchouli lady from Ashland. May briefly lower your mask to enjoy the seasonal duck tacos and celebration doppelbock ale served from a food truck. Arrive early because attendance will be capped at six people. Bring a parka.

Activity: Air travel

Location: Various

COVID Etiquette: Departing from SFO, wear your mask at all times and use your antiseptic wipe to sterilize arm rests, serving tray, and the mouth of the passenger crammed next to you in 42E who is hacking up a lung. Transferring in DFW, pull your mask under your chin and feel free to high-five strangers watching the football game at TGI Friday’s. Arriving at JFK, return mask to nose and mouth as TSA examines your vaccination card under UV light, administers a rectal thermometer, and subjects you to a smelldown by a COVID-detecting beagle—all because your flight happened to arrive concurrently with a flight from Johannesburg.

Activity: Gift shopping on Fifth Avenue

Location: New York City

COVID Etiquette: Enjoy the tree at Rockefeller Center from a safe distance, preferably Brooklyn. To enter stores, present your vaccination card, along with proof of vaccination for all your extended family members and your entire contact tracing history for the last two years. Discreetly avoid the unmasked father of a family visiting from Tennessee who is rapidly spiraling into a Joe Rogan-esque tirade for being refused entry to Dylan’s Candy Bar. Apply hand sanitizer at each store, until your hands are raw stumps.

Activity: Extended family gathering

Location: Chicago, IL

COVID Etiquette: Arrive with festive facial covering. Sequins and LED illumination preferred. Masks with the logo of a Big10 university are also acceptable. May remove facial covering if hostess greets you, maskless, with a protracted hug and open-mouthed kiss on the cheek. Avoid conversation with Uncle Jerry at all costs. If Uncle Jerry corners you, return facial covering immediately and nod politely about the “China virus” being a secret plot of George Soros and the deep state. Masks no longer required after fifth egg nog.

Activity: Unitarian Christmas eve service

Location: New Hampshire

COVID Etiquette: With a congregation averaging 80 years of age, wear double KN95 masks duct-taped to your face—even though the service will be held outside, socially distanced, in 25 MPH wind. Face shield preferred, particularly if partaking in the obligatory caroling. To avoid dirty looks, have some crumpled bills ready when the COVID relief fund wicker basket is passed to you. Contribution to the vegan potluck is optional. Consumption of the vegan potluck is discouraged.

Activity: Baptist Christmas morning service

Location: Georgia

COVID Etiquette: Do not, under any circumstances, wear your mask. Don’t even mention masks. Laugh when the pastor makes a joke in his sermon about the futility of masks when you have Jesus to protect you. Openly shake hands, embrace, kiss, and otherwise maximize physical contact with as many fellow congregants as possible. To avoid dirty looks, be prepared to sign the petition circulating the pews stating that mask mandates are an unconstitutional governmental over-reach, vaccines are proven to contain tracking devices, and that you are already “immunized by Jesus.”

Activity: Holiday beach vacation

Location: Hawaii

COVID Etiquette: Before arriving to the islands, upload your vaccination card to the State of Hawaii website, along with your flight number, hotel address, mother’s maiden name, blood type, sperm count, menstrual cycle, and five-generation genealogical chart. Must present a negative COVID test 48 hours prior to arrival, and 24 hours prior to arrival, and 12 hours prior to arrival, and immediately before and after your flight, regardless of vaccination status. A 10-inch cotton swab will be inserted into your nasal passage after a 3-hour wait in the mainland arrivals terminal. If you test negative, you will receive a wrist band and neck tattoo that indicates you may freely spend money in the state. If you refuse these tests, you must quarantine in solitary confinement at your own expense for three weeks of your one-week vacation. Mahalo.

Finally, if abiding by all these guidelines is just too much, you can always return to the 2020 Holiday COVID guide: shop online, gather by zoom, and shelter in place. Happy Holidays!

Selection Bias

Items for sale in a physical store. Remember physical stores? So cute… (Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash)

If, like me, you do the bulk of your annual shopping between Thanksgiving and Christmas, you are currently grappling with one of the challenges of modern commerce: a seemingly infinite number of choices for any purchase you want to make. In nearly every product or service category, selecting from the myriad options can be overwhelming. I very much relate to Scott Galloway’s observation that most consumers “don’t want more choice, but more confidence in the choices presented.” We need someone or something to curate the infinite number of products, options, and analyses down to a pre-selected set of the “best” stuff. A choice that is manageable. A self-inflicted shopping selection bias.

I’ve been guilty of this many times this holiday season. Instead of “shopping” in the conventional sense, I get lazy and just enter some asinine search into Google, like “top gifts for teenage boys under $100” and end up on some ad-laden, click-baity page that barely loads in my browser because it’s so bogged down with pop-ups, promotions, self-playing videos, and tracking data as to be almost unusable. But without these crutches, we’re overwhelmed by choice. We want someone else to do the work for us. To reassure us that the random hunk of plastic and batteries we’re about to buy for our kids, that will briefly be considered a “toy” before it transforms into “junk” and is sent to a landfill, is, in fact, a “best music gift for kindergartners!”

Of course, there’s a flip side to all this decision-making—namely how manufacturers and their legions of marketers leverage technology to manipulate us into choosing their products. These aren’t bad people. I’ve spent most of my career as a marketer. We have good intentions. There are just too many of us hocking too many products using too many techniques. It’s enough to rob you of your Christmas spirit!

If you shop online, as almost all of us do, you’re subjected to these digital marketing techniques on the daily. Shopping online has metastasized from a convenience into a medieval bazaar. Tell me if this sounds familiar... eager to tick another gift off your list, you enter some desperate search, like “best puffy jackets for women.” Then you wade through pages of “content marketing” that is all search-engine optimized (“SEO” in marketer parlance) as “organic” search results on Google, which, of course, appear below a half dozen paid ads (search engine marketing or “SEM” in marketer-ese). Then, suddenly your Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter news feeds are cluttered with large format “sponsored” updates that are coincidentally similar to your search. You make the mistake of clicking on one of these ads and going to a “landing page” which promises a one-day-only sale or first-time-customer discount. A cookie warning pops up that you have no choice but to accept, an email newsletter subscription window pops up (I’m guilty of this one myself!) with a 15% discount, today only, if you opt into a lifetime of spam. A chat bubble pops up with a virtual, or maybe even human, agent (who can tell anymore?) eager to help you make a choice. Good luck finding that chat agent if you have a customer service issue.

A minuscule sample of the ads I’ve seen this year as a result of my holiday shopping.

If you leave without buying, God help you. Now you have the taint of that brand all over you. I can practically smell your digital tracking from here. Every site you visit, every search you make, every email you read, ads pop up like a zombie apocalypse. Once you’ve been tagged as a shopper for puffy jackets, suddenly you face an entire internet full of puffy jackets. The world will not continue until you buy a damn puffy jacket! Some even haunt you long after you’ve bought the puffy jacket, like ghosts of Christmas past. This technique, called “retargeting” or “remarketing” by marketers (or “stalking” by laypeople), uses those cookies that you can’t decline to target ads “personalized” to you. Limiting your options, reinforcing your inclinations, nudging you to buy with discounts, special offers, and limited availability. An onslaught of tracking pixels, 300-character URLs, MRECs and banner ads from something called “AdChoices” that remind you, harass you, berate you until you finally add the product to your cart and check out.

Each item breathlessly promises to be “The best sweatpants you’ll ever own,” or the “The hoodie that renders all other hoodies obsolete,” or “The sneakers everyone is talking about.” (Do people really talk about sneakers?) Superlative claims, 5-star reviews, and social proof designed to reassure you that the purchase decision you’re about to make will be the right one—perhaps even “life changing.” As consumers, we rely on these reassurances to give us confidence in our choices. We can’t possibly evaluate every puffy jacket, every hoody, every pair of sneakers, or every book published. Without the “top 10” lists, “holiday shopping guides,” and “best of” articles, where would we be? We’d be paralyzed by limitless choice.

I realize this complaint of too much choice is a high-class problem—in the grand scheme, a minor nuisance of modern life. In the trade off between privacy and convenience, most of us pick convenience. But here are some some tips if you’re finding the decision-making process of holiday shopping particularly onerous this year.

Identify filters—Finding the “best” of any product category is impossible, because “best” is subjective. It might mean lowest price to one buyer, or highest quality to another. It might mean a preferred color, size, or availability. It might pertain to values or ethical behavior that is important to you—fair trade, vegan, sustainable, or carbon neutral. These “bests” will be different by person, and often differ for each product you purchase. So give thought to those “filters” in your search terms to at least limit your choices to criteria relevant to you as you dive down the rabbit hole.

YouTube’s “Privacy Warning”—which really means “Warning, you can’t watch this without losing your privacy.”

Make fewer, better choices—We each only have so much mental bandwidth to make purchase decisions. So something I’ve tried to do when I find a product I like, is to stop thinking about it. Essentially, put it on decision-making auto-pilot. For everything from toothpaste to tennis shoes, floor wax to dessert toppings, if you’ve found a product that meets your needs, just keep buying it. I’ve found Instacart helpful for this, at least for buying groceries. Rather than standing in the aisle deliberating over 30-cent differences between largely identical products, I just return to “Buy it Again” and only select from items I’ve purchased before (with the “Do not replace” option on). With minimal decision friction, my choices are made, which, in theory, frees up time and attention for me to make more considered choices on new, unfamiliar, or important purchases.

Install ad blockers—There are many tools for reducing your promotional overload, from the best ad blockers (see what I did there) to anonymous search engines like DuckDuckGo that deprive Google of the information it needs to auction your intentions to marketers so they can stalk you on the internet. Unfortunately, these tools can also make much of the internet not work (see YouTube), but at least you can browse and click with less harassment.

And finally, if none of these techniques work, there’s always the most tried-and-true, pull-in-case-of-emergency option of last resort…

BUY LESS SHIT!!!

Goodreads Gone (for the Day)

Amazon’s behemoth AWS hosting service had a massive outage today. While the disruption, no doubt, was not caused by traffic to Amazon’s oft-neglected Goodreads subsidiary, that was how I first noticed something was wrong. After initially speculating this hiccup was due to Amazon’s apparent operation of the site on 2013 infrastructure (the year they acquired the company), I opined, “Books are, for Amazon, like a junior high crush—long ago dismissed and taken for granted; nothing left but a sliver of nostalgia after they moved on to bigger things.”

Turns out, Amazon had bigger fish to fry, but it got me wondering what the reaction was to Goodreads specifically in the corridors of the world’s fifth largest company. So, I give you this…

Top 10 Things Heard at Amazon When Goodreads Went Down Today

10) What's Goodreads?

9) Finally, we can retire the Commodore 64 running the site.

8) Does anyone know the password to the @goodreads Twitter account?

7) Does anyone know the password to reboot goodreads.com?

6) Shhh... maybe no one will notice.

5) At least we won't need to give Jeanine Cummins the Goodreads Choice Award.

4) Good! Now they can just buy books on Amazon instead of blabbing on about them.

3) Is that Gwyneth Paltrow’s thing?

2) People still read books?

1) That’s more revenue lost than we made all last minute.

Happy Complaintsgiving

Photo by Erol Ahmed on Unsplash

One of the ironies of Thanksgiving is that the modern version of the holiday is more likely to provoke complaints than thanks. As I posted about last week, service at many companies has gone downhill during the pandemic, and Thanksgiving itself is a minefield of triggering customer experiences—from canceled flights to crowded stores.

After complaining myself about the poor customer service experienced at many businesses, I’m now going to hypocritically argue the opposite. Americans complain too much. It’s not quite clear (nor did I find much conclusive research online) when complaining became so normalized, but a culture of complaint is pervasive in America. It’s estimated that the average person complains 15-30 times every day. I’m arguably doing it right now. Complaining is so deeply ingrained in our conversational norms that it’s easy to not even notice you’re doing it, like inserting an “um” into a sentence. I’m not referring to legitimate complaints about genuine grievances; nobody should be a push-over. Rather, I’m referring to the superfluous, unnecessary complaints that fill the roll of idle chit-chat, what some have called our epidemic of grumbling. Run an experiment: ask a friend or co-worker how their Thanksgiving holiday was. Did they reply with gratitude about their time off, spent with friends and family? Or complaints about their flight/shopping/traffic/meal/gas prices/etc.?

It’s a little early to be declaring New Year’s resolutions, but my personal front runner is Complain Less. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving and advise to myself, I offer these 10 tips for how to complain less.

A frequent complaint trigger is interactions with businesses. When our, often very high, expectations aren’t met, we love to complain about customer service (as I did in my last post!). In a recent survey, forty-eight percent of consumers said they have posted a negative review online. Social media sites, not to mention dedicated review sites like Yelp, TripAdvisor, and TrustPilot (where, I admit, I recently ripped Orbitz ), invite these online rants as core to their business model. Many businesses have practically conditioned us to be complainers. It is the complainers who get the best service, the upgrade, the accommodation—the squeaky wheel gets the grease. But the tirade you hurl at the retail clerk, call center agent, or flight attendant is usually misdirected, and can be psychologically damaging to the recipient. Most service workers are trained to suppress their natural emotional reactions to angry or unreasonable customers, but that can have “far-reaching psychological consequences” for their mental health—including increased stress, depression, and substance abuse. It’s probably why so many people don’t want to take those jobs. So, some tips to complain less about businesses:

Tip 1: Stop berating front-line employees. They are usually just the messenger, trying their best to cover for bad policies and chronic understaffing. Direct your feedback at management instead.

Tip 2: For any negative review you post about a business, post at least one positive review. Don’t only complain, compliment too. Last year I posted a positive review of a snowmobile rental company. To-date it has over 100K views, and I feel great about helping that small business.

Tip 3: Recalibrate your expectations, especially during COVID. Think about it, do you really expect flights to be on-time, shortages not to exist, or service to be quick? If you avoid putting yourself in a situation where a company needs to perform perfectly to meet your expectations, you’ll be less prone to getting upset.

A second major category of complaints is practically an all-American pastime: complaining about work. An article in the Harvard Business Review estimates that one third of employees spend 20 hours or more per month complaining about their bosses or upper management. And that’s at work—it doesn't even include the time spent complaining to spouses, friends, and family outside the workplace. That’s a lot of wasted productivity. While it might feel good to complain about a co-worker at the water cooler, that emotional energy would be much better focused on identifying solutions—or finding another job. So, here are three tips to complain less about work:

Tip 4: Distinguish between complaining and venting. Work can be stressful. It comes with pressure and expectations. Seek alternative ways to relieve that stress besides complaining.

Tip 5: Pair every complaint with a solution. Complaining can serve a useful function in the workplace of identifying a problem. Go the step further to propose a few solutions to that problem as well—that solution-oriented mindset just might improve your career trajectory as well.

Tip 6: Avoid being the victim. Some jobs, bosses, and companies really do suck. Rather than complaining about it, invest that mental energy into finding a new job you like better.

Finally, a third big category of complaints are about life in general—for example, complaints about traffic, the cost of living, the weather, or our busy lives. Psychologists identify these sorts of complaints as bonding mechanisms. As stated by mental health author Guy Winch, “Complaints can make us feel like we connect with someone because we have a mutual dissatisfaction about something.” These types of complaints are often the least substantive, but can be the hardest to purge from our repertoire. After all, we’re just “making conversation.” The oft suggested advise here is to simply “identify something you’re grateful for” instead. Good thought but a little generic, so I’ll offer these additional tips to avoid general life complaints:

Tip 7: Don’t complain about things that are outside anyone’s control. It might be cathartic to complain about the weather or the economy, but it’s not constructive. If you hear yourself complaining about some vague, hard-to-identify “they,” you’re probably making a pointless complaint.

Tip 8: Identify the change you hope to achieve with your complaint. For a complaint to be worth voicing, it should be actionable. If it’s not, you’re probably making idle banter and contributing to complaint culture.

Tip 9: Seek common affinities, rather than common complaints. Small talk is a great way to bond with other people, but look for positive topics—common interests, hobbies, or preferences—rather than negative ones.

Finally, just to round this out to an even ten tips for complaining less. If you find yourself complaining too much, look for an effective behavior modification mechanism. One such technique, spearheaded by Will Bowen of the “Complaint Free” movement, is to wear a complaint bracelet and switch it to the other wrist every time you complain. This simple action can help you become more aware of your own complaining.

Tip 10: Re-train your brain to be aware of your complaints and break the complaint habit with a behavior-modifying reminder.

I recognize that this entire post could be criticized as complaining about complaining. And, certainly, many of my posts on this blog are essentially complaints about some aspect of modern life. It’s hard to avoid complaining. But with some tips, tools, and practice, hopefully I won’t need a New Year’s resolution, and we can all learn to complain a little less.

How Did We Do?

If you have shopped, ordered, traveled, purchased, scheduled, contacted, reserved, or otherwise interacted, in any way, with a business in the last several years, you have likely received an automated email, probably from several of those businesses, enthusiastically asking, “How did we do?” If your experience has been anything like mine recently, the answer is, “Pretty damn awful.”

Photo by Elisa Ventur on Unsplash

These customer satisfaction surveys almost universally ask the same question, worded in exactly the same way: “How likely are you to recommend [COMPANY] to a friend, relative or colleague?” followed by a 0-10 scale, from “Not at all likely” to “Extremely Likely.” Companies have always sought to understand the satisfaction of their customers, but the preeminence of this one clinical question that you’ve likely been repeatedly harassed into answering many times, stems from the near cult-like following of NPS®.

Created in 2003 by a partner at the consulting firm, Bain & Company, the heavily-trademarked Net Promoter Score, or NPS®, is regarded by many businesses as a nearly sacred measurement of business performance. An estimated two-thirds of the Fortune 1,000 use NPS, believing it to be the singular, holy metric that indicates everything from customer satisfaction to future business growth. The math of NPS is essentially that only responses of 9 or 10 matter—these so-called “promoters” drive enthusiasm, adoption, and word-of-mouth growth. Responses of 7 or 8 are labeled “passive,” while ratings of 6 or lower are “detractors”—people who bad mouth and diminish your brand.

The appeal of NPS is its promise to reduce the incredible complexity of an entire business down to a lone integer. A cottage industry has cropped up to help companies improve their NPS score—just search for “net promoter score” on Google and you’ll see their ads. Like many business fads, NPS has been contorted and abused. Employees and executives, many of whom are compensated, at least in part, by their company’s NPS scores, have devised ways to game the system. Before the pandemic, NPS increasingly felt like a promotional vehicle or a way for businesses to feel good about themselves, rather than an authentic measurement of customer satisfaction.

Then, of course, COVID happened. The dubious utility of NPS pre-pandemic now feels like it is teetering on the edge of irrelevance in our post-pandemic economy. For many businesses, my reaction to receiving these earnest emails, fully expecting me to give their business a 9 or 10 rating, has been, “Are you kidding me?” Do I really need to give a zero to Orbitz for inexplicably canceling my son’s airline reservation the day before his flight home for Thanksgiving, forcing me to spend 4 hours on the phone with their underpaid offshore call center agent? Do I really need to give a zero to Budget car rental for having one agent staffing their counter to check in two dozen customers, waiting over an hour only to be told the car I reserved was unavailable? Do I need to give an NPS score at all to the manufacturer of my new iPhone case? It’s an iPhone case. Yet, each time, within 24 hours, that annoying email arrived asking, “How did we do?”

What I want to tell the CEOs of those companies is that NPS may work as a peace-time metric—something for your executives to obsess over when the business is largely functioning well. But it’s not a very effective war-time metric. And many businesses, particularly in the services sector, as well as the customer service jobs across a range of industries, are simply not functioning very well. Even apart from the crisis of COVID, the reality at many companies is the customer experience is under assault. Categorized as a cost center, the customer service function is one that companies have long tried to offshore, automate, scale back, or eliminate entirely. Even more so during COVID. Those jobs which might have resulted in an answered phone call, a prompt resolution of a problem, or an efficient interaction, are increasingly understaffed or unfilled.

And the challenge isn't only on the company side. Employees are increasingly unwilling to take these underpaying, often demeaning, service sector jobs—sometimes described as “dirty work.” Despite stubbornly antiquated minimum wage laws, wages are rising. In the leisure and hospitality sector, for example, wages have increased by an annual rate of 18 percent, but employment in that industry is still down more than 9 percent from pre-pandemic levels.

The suddenly in vogue economics term for this phenomenon is “skimpflation.” Rather than increase the price of their goods or services to afford paying a reasonable wage, companies “skimp” by providing a diminished version of their offering. Even so, many are substantially raising prices, while the quality of the customer experience they offer diminishes.

In fact, what actually seems to be happening is a larger recalibration of our economy. For too long, we’ve enjoyed low prices for everything from restaurant meals to airline tickets, without considering the low wages, poor working conditions, and lost jobs such prices necessitate for the workers in those industries. Like tectonic plates stretched to a breaking point, the reconciliation of these market forces will cause disruption for some time in our economy. As consumers, we will need to acclimate to paying more to get less, and doing less of the things we could afford pre-pandemic.

But until we find a new equilibrium, until our expectations recalibrate to a new reality, until supply chain issues are solved and open positions are filled and hours-long waits are no longer the norm, don’t expect a 9 or 10 when you ask me, “How did we do?”

Facebook’s Meta Nightmare

Photo by Barefoot Communications on Unsplash

At several points in the last 15+ years, I have been convinced (usually incorrectly) that Facebook was about to jump the shark. For anyone under age 50, “jump the shark” is a reference to a TV show called Happy Days meaning the point at which something, henceforth, goes downhill. For anyone under age 30, that proverbial shark has already sailed. Facebook’s decade-old strategy to hold onto young users, basically buying Instagram, is also losing ground quickly to Snap and TikTok.

Following on the heels of a nightmarishly bad month, the company had a capper just in time for Halloween. Their latest latest move, rebranding this week to the not-creepy-at-all , smacks of desperation. Perhaps I am again incorrectly identifying the shark-jumping moment in time. Perhaps I am biased by schadenfreude. Or perhaps I just have too much personal baggage around the perils of branding. But I've been around long enough to know one thing: changing the name of your company is almost always a bad sign.

Although Zuckerberg may just be emulating the cool kids, the motivation for the change is much more likely what it always is when companies change their name—something is fundamentally broken about the brand. Furthermore, a name change means the executives at the company know the brand is broken—enough to go through the painful, expensive, self-flagellating exercise of actually changing the name.

Think about all the examples of successful companies that have re-named themselves . . . keep thinking . . . well? Can you think of any? Most likely not. In fact, the bar for a “successful” corporate renaming is pretty much “at least it wasn't a total disaster.” Google’s name change to Alphabet fits this as-good-as-it-gets criteria—really just a dumb name for a holding company that nobody uses in everyday vernacular unless you’re a stock broker.

On the other end of the ledger are the long list of corporate name changes that were so bad they got undone (PwC’s name change to Monday, for example) or were just such thinly veiled attempts to wallpaper over something fundamentally negative about the business that people just rolled their eyes. Philip Morris became Altria, Valujet became AirTran, Comcast became Xfinity—none of those name changes altered the reality that the companies-formerly-known-as were selling addictive cigarettes, crashing planes, or providing crappy customer service.

But what may elevate Facebook’s name change to Meta into the All-Time Branding Disaster Hall of Fame is not what they’re trying to run away from, but what they want to be known for next—the “Metaverse.” Through this name change, they are throwing down the gauntlet—declaring that social media hasn’t been detrimental enough to society, that they can do even better. It’s like Philip Morris changing its name to Fentanyl Morris because it wants to be known for an even more additive product than nicotine.

Of course, as every other CEO who has thrown up a new name and logo soon discovered, Zuckerberg and team will eventually need to grapple with the negative aspects of their platform, products, and business model. Hopefully, we won’t all need to endure their instantiation of the metaverse before they do.

Slack-ing Off

[image error]

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

AUTHOR’S NOTE: One of the nice things about managing your own blog is you don’t need to be constrained by editorial guidelines. So, here’s a departure from my usual posts. I was reminded recently, upon reading Several People Are Typing by Calvin Kasulke, a novel told entirely through Slack messages, that I wrote this post titled “Slack-ing Off.” I submitted it to The New Yorker’s Shouts & Murmurs humor column . . . about one week before COVID happened and we all started working from home. Suffice it to say, they passed. But, now that we’re going back to offices, and, frankly, living on Slack anyway, I thought it was a good time to resurrect it. Enjoy!

SLACK-ING OFF By Mike Trigg

#Office
Carrie 9:15 AM @here Everybody please welcome our new hire Mark to the company! @Mark we use Slack here to communicate more efficiently. Email is such a distraction! Am-i-right?!?
Jon 9:15 AM Welcome, @Mark!
Soo-jin 9:15 AM Welcome, @Mark!
Adam 9:15 AM Welcome, @Mark!
Carrie 9:16 AM @Mark, I’ve added you to the most important Slack channels, including #Office, #HR, #IT, #Lunch, #Coffee, #Congratulations, #Birthdays, #Selfies, #Dirty_dishes, and our daily indulgence, #Cat_pictures!
Mark 9:17 AM Thanks @here for the warm welcome. I’m excited to be joining!
Chad 9:20 AM @here, I’m at Philz. Anyone want a pour over coffee?
Adam reacted with :thumbsup: emoji, Anil reacted with :coffeecup: emoji, Soo-jin reacted with :loveparrot: emoji
Carrie 9:25 AM @Chad friendly reminder from HR to take coffee orders in the #Coffee channel so it’s not distracting everyone. Thx!

#Coffee
Chad 9:26 AM So I’ve got @Adam, @Anil and @Soo-jin. Anyone else? I’ll put it on our corporate account.
Susan 9:27 AM Venti nonfat cappuccino with equal please! :smiley: emoji
Chad 9:28 AM @Susan, this isn’t Starbucks! LOL! #NoEspresso!
Adam 9:28 AM And no nonfat milk or fake sweeteners either! #natural
Susan reacted with :cry: emoji

#Office
Zach 9:45 AM @here, I made some butterscotch sandy cookies in my baking workshop in #Potrero last night. In the kitchen! Help yourself!
10 people reacted with :yum: emoji
Susan 9:52 AM Are they gluten free?? :pray: emoji
Jon 9:53 AM @Susan they’re cookies, not hockey pucks.
Stewart 9:54 AM @here I have a severe peanut allergy :peanut: emoji
Zack 9:55 AM Problem solved! I wrote a list of ingredients next to the cookies in case anyone has allergies. Enjoy!
Carrie 9:57 AM Hey, guys — this topic probably doesn’t belong in #Office. So I created a new channel called #Snacks and invited everyone! Thanks, @Zack! #yum!
Carrie 9:58 AM Reminder to use the appropriate Slack channel for your messages, so we don’t distract everyone. #productivity

#Snacks
Anne 10:03 AM thanks for the cookies, @Zack! @here, FYI the cookies have dairy #lactoseintolerant
Stewart 10:08 AM Thanks for the warning, @Anne!

#IT
Dave 10:15 AM @Mark you’re all set. I added you to all our corporate accounts.
Mark 10:16 AM Thanks, @Dave! How do I get my login?
Dave 10:17 AM Just send “reset password” to @Slackbot
Slackbot 10:17 AM @Mark, your password reset link has been sent
Mark 10:18 AM Uhh... thanks, @Slackbot

#Selfies
Kayla 10:45 AM Hey, @here! I’m baaack! Honeymoon was amazing! Here’s me and Beau in front of the Eiffel Tower! #blessed
Dave, Anil, Zack, Chad, Stewart, Jon and Soo-jin reacted with :heart: emojis
Kayla 10:46 AM Thanks! Missed you guys! You’re the #best!!! Also, I left some INCREDIBLE French macarons in the kitchen! Enjoy!
Carrie 10:47 AM Welcome back, @Kayla. FYI, since you were gone, there’s now a Slack channel for #Snacks
Kayla 10:53 AM OK. Anyone else need a coffee??? #jetlag
Soo-jin 10:54 AM IKR!
Carrie 10:55 AM Friendly reminder, there’s also a #Coffee channel.

#Lunch
Chad 11:35 AM Anyone getting hungry??
Carrie 11:38 AM Reminder we ordered pizza for lunch today. :pizza: emoji
Chad 11:39 AM AGAIN?!? :thumbsdown: emoji
Chad, Zack, Jon, Soo-jin, Dave, Anil reacted with :thumbsdown: emojis
Kayla 11:40 AM I’m actually #stoked for pizza after all that French food! Here’s me eating a nutella crepe! YOLO!
Dave, Zack, Chad, Stewart, Jon, Anil and Soo-jin reacted with :heart: emojis
Susan 11:42 AM Is there a gluten-free option?
Stewart 11:45 AM and *dairy* free?
Carrie 11:51 AM Yes and yes. Also vegan option with cauliflower crust
Dave 11:52 AM is there a meat lovers option?
Slackbot 12:20 PM Reminder: @here Throw out any extra food.

#Dirty_dishes
Kayla 12:25 PM To whoever left their dishes in the sink, PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER! #gross
Dave, Zack, Chad, Stewart, Jon, Anil and Soo-jin reacted with :thumbsup: emojis
Slackbot 12:25 PM Reminder: @here Put your dishes in the dishwasher.

#HR
Carrie 1:10 PM @here Reminder to complete your employee satisfaction survey.
Carrie 1:12 PM Be sure to tell us what you think about all the new snacks!
Zach 1:14 PM Shouldn’t that feedback be in the #Snacks channel? :wink: emoji
Carrie 1:17 PM Also, new gym memberships available. :barbell: emoji
Carrie 1:18 PM And open enrollment starts Thursday!

#Office
Kayla 1:45 PM Someone left the refrigerator door open. Such a waste of energy! #climatechange
Dave, Zack, Chad, Stewart, Jon, Anil and Soo-jin reacted with :frowning: emojis
Dave 1:58 PM In the spirit of our upcoming hackathon, I rigged a sensor to the refrigerator door which will send a Slackbot notification if the door has been open for >5 minutes.
Kayla reacted with an :earth: emoji
Slackbot 2:03 PM The refrigerator door is open.

#Birthday
Carrie 2:25 PM @here It’s @Melissa’s birthday!! Join us for cake in the kitchen. :birthdaycake: emoji
Kayla 2:26 PM Happy Birthday @Melissa
Jon, Chad, Anil and Susan reacted with :birthdaycake: emojis
Soo-jin 2:27 PM Happy Birthday @Melissa
Melissa 2:31 PM Hey, @here, I’m WFH today, so . . .
Carrie 2:32 PM We’ll save you a slice @Melissa!
Carrie 2:33 PM Also, congrats to @Anil for getting accepted to the UC evening MBA program!
Dave 2:34 PM @Carrie, this thread belongs in the #Congratulations channel
Carrie reacted with :thumbsup: emoji
Kayla 2:43 PM PLEEEEASE take extra cake home!! :pray: emoji

#Coffee
Chad 3:07 PM Anyone else in a food coma??
Kayla 3:10 PM Zzzzzzzz
Dave 3:10 PM ROFL!!
Soo-jin reacted with :sleeping: emoji
Chad 3:12 PM I’m going to Philz, @here give me your orders.
Kayla 3:15 PM Can you get our fearless leader @Justin his usual? And get something for @Mark
Chad 3:20 PM Who’s Mark?? :shrug: emoji
Carrie 3:21 PM He’s our new hire who started today!

#Selfies
Adam 3:45 PM Like my new mustache? More beeswax? Take my survey: Cut it or Keep it?

#Office
Justin 4:23 PM Hey, @here. BIG week this week! Need to get the next version of our app out before my TED talk! #NoDistractions #ChangeTheWorld
14 people reacted with :thumbsup: emojis

#Cat_pictures
Slackbot 5:00 PM Here’s today's cat picture!
Mark reacted with :loveparrot: emoji

#Happy_hour
Adam 5:16 PM Beers anyone?
14 people reacted with :thumbsup: emojis