M.A. Melby's Blog
August 11, 2025
Best Forgotten - New!
It is available on Itch Io or Amazon.
November 16, 2024
Frankly Speaking – live tweet
2024 12ep S. Korean
You can find this TV series on Netflix.
Okay…going to binge one more series…then I have beta reading to do! Let’s try “Frankly Speaking” – looks like a daytime drama comedy. Let’s go!
Oh…I know this actor! Fun. You know, this is one thing I love about Korean dramas that the U.S. is just starting to figure out. Have a beginning, middle, and an end. 16 episodes – and done. Then we do something else!!!
I asked my husband if they even make “daytime TV” anymore in the United States – and we ended up looking at the number of episodes in Guiding Light, General Hospital, and Days of our Lives. Over 10,000 episodes each. Puts Supernatural to shame. Like – they just go on and on.
When I first started watching Korean dramas this was jarring. Where is my season 2? There isn’t one. The story is over! The writers and actors aren’t telling the same story with the same characters for 100 years.
So, this one starts out with a news anchor who is doing a story in a sort of cartoonist way, with a very expressive sign interpreter in the corner (very cool). Now a small child in a T-Rex costume is speaking – let’s see where this goes.
Oh…the kids are some big-wigs children and now they are running around using the TV equipment like toys…everyone is exasperated. So, the premise is (according to the blurb) – the MC gets cursed with compulsive honesty and hilarity ensues. We are establishing his patience.
He is keeping it in! Being a good sport! Even when these kids are being obnoxious and bothering him, he’s not acting irritated or saying anything. I suspect more of this will occur until the switch over happens – and he can’t not say what is in his mind. Fun times.
We are 3 min in. Lol.
Still in the first episode and they are setting this up hard. Now he is tripping over himself white lying to be diplomatic.
His anchor motto is: “I sincerely promise you, that I’ll only report the truth and never lie to you.” Which I suspect he will accidentally say to a magic frog or something at some point.
They are doing a great job of establishing various characters. Enter in : incredibly attractive generic K-pop guy who is super charming in public, but actually a complete diva asshole to his staff. I think I see a theme here.
It’s not a magic frog… *Drum roll* It’s…. Electrocution. Danger! Danger! High Voltage!
Already told off the k-pop diva. Now…we have…the accidental close proximity with the potential love interest. Remember, in Korea, if you break someone’s fall or catch them when they trip. You will get married. I think it’s the law.
So, he switched from being able to lie to being compelled to say whatever is on his mind every time that he sneezes. The premise is silly, right, but we all know this is all very deep. It’s a coherent theme. Another reason I love the 12 – 16 episodes and done.
You can’t create a whole world to explore a coherent theme – such as honesty and integrity and speaking your mind and standing up for yourself. And have 10,000 episodes. It would get boring and old. But you can neatly do this with a limited series.
He’s about to do a job interview and I am waiting for him to sneeze.
I love that they *know” everyone is waiting for the sneeze. And they really ham it up. Ha…. Haaaa! Ah. AH…… Choo!
On Ep. 4. It’s the slow burn with coincidental proximity. Who knows that their families literally lived in the same building?!? Now, he moved home. So, they are under the same roof. Fate!
That’s one thing these stories don’t worry too much about – too many coincidences. Is that unrealistic? Is it lazy writing? Nope. Fate. It’s even *more* romantic!
So – it’s a love triangle – no – a love quadrangle. Or something. That involves a dating show. But like, I swear the “frank” speeches are directly lecturing the audience. The writers were like – stop being fucking weird about celebrities.
Just finished Ep. 7. The whole thing is about honesty! And they still did the thing where being honest about a situation would make it *much* easier on the characters and make *much* more sense. But NOT explaining what’s going on to another character is more dramatic!
So, I mentioned they had a k-pop diva earlier. He is a minor character whose only point of existing is to be told off. But they also have an MC who is a celebrity singer and personality who deals with overbearing fans, over work, anxiety attacks,… Who just collapsed.
As everyone knows – Korea has a huge entertainment industry. And I appreciate them mentioning these sorts of things. Sort of like how Lovely Writer was a commentary on the Thai Y-series industry and fandom, as well as being a nice story.
So, the impulse of the MC to tell the truth is becoming less of a prominent plot pusher as the series continues. It’s sort of interesting that they decided to create a medical explanation for that – but then just have a random mind reading child character.
OMG. So, one of the characters is dealing with new found fame and is asked for his autograph in the supermarket – and he is like – but, but I don’t have one yet !!
This happened to me! We were passing around copies of Atheist Voice of Minnesota to sign at the author party and I’m desperately trying out different autographs on a napkin before the books get to me. I like – shit! I’m going to be stuck with whatever I decide today!
The scene in Ep. 10 starting at 19 : 20. They nail it. The look on Joo Jong-hyuk’s face is amazing. Just spot on acting. Love to see it. The scene is also well written and gut wrenching in this deep, multilayered, way. Love these moments.
Oh ffs – it’s gotten to the point where if anyone crosses the street or drives in the country – I wince because apparently huge trucks constantly just randomly drive over people if the plot pacing is slightly slow. Just stop. Geez.
If things are going too well – and people mention how well they are going. This is also potentially fatal.
The show: “Don’t bottle it up and hide it. Be brave and say it out loud.” Me: Don’t tell me what to do!
This was your typical, nice, light drama, with a theme and moral and product placement – I’ve watched MANY of these. But like yeah – it got to me. I tend to bottle stuff up – A LOT. That might not be obvious if you know me only from twitter. This is where I get it out.
It’s about all these folks with very serious problems – who resolve a whole mess of shit by finally being honest about their feelings and putting it out there. And also, standing up for themselves and figuring out what they want in life. *sigh* Oh ffs.
Dawned on me why this particular romance story got to me so much. There is a certain parallel with the MC having subtle autistic traits, masking in order to succeed professionally, and then losing that ability to mask due to stress, but eventually being happier for it.
Just a second while I go have a good sobbing fit.
April 12, 2024
The privilege of hiding.
She had short red curly hair, longer on the top and short on the sides, and chunky brown glasses. She had pale skin and freckles. I still have a picture of her somewhere that I took in the art room where we had class together. This was back in the late 80’s. I don’t remember much about her, other then her smile and her confidence. I remember how she made me feel.
Terrified.
If she knew I had a crush on her, would she think I was a monster and never talk to me again? Would she warn everyone else about me? If she knew I had a crush on her would the news reach my school that I was some sort of pervert? Would my friends be afraid to be around me? What would happen to me?
What are the chances she felt the way I felt, in the same way that I did? Would we catch quick kisses when nobody was looking? Would we fall in love? Would we one day run away together? What are the chances of that?
She must never know.
She’s a friend. Why would I mess that up? After camp is over, we’ll probably never see each other again. What was I thinking?
Silly me.
We never even kept in touch.
He had long red hair and a beard. Wait, did he back when we met? I’m not even sure! It was the early 90’s. Our mutual friends on the high school speech circuit got us together due to our excessive Dr. Who fandom. They knew that we had to meet each other. It was destiny! He was cute in a “Young Sherlock Holmes” sort of way. I was smitten.
About two weeks later, at another speech meet, we were running around the halls waiting for the results to come in. We found an out-of-the-way corner to sit down and rest after a long day. He started to put his head down and I moved in the way. He looked at me, a bit surprised but soon realized the nature of the situation. He smiled and put his head on my lap. Then he looked at his watch and mentioned the time.
Later, back at my school, I waited for the speech coach to be out of the room. I quickly rummaged through the confidential judges records to find his full name. When I got home, I looked through the phone book, and found him! Lucky for me, he has a really unique last name! I gave him a call. He asked me how I got his number.
I told him I was clever.
“By the way, why did you look at your watch?” I asked him.
“That’s when we started going out, and I wanted to remember it,” he said.
December 10, 2023
November 4, 2023
Wedding
“There you are! You’re missing all the fun!”
I finally found him outside the church sitting on a retaining wall, staring out into the poorly lit street. It was much cooler outside, and we had been roasting in our suitcoats all day.
I approached him, carrying the mini-bouquet I had just caught.
His head was down, and he was picking at his fingernails. “I needed some fresh air,” he told me.
I held up the bouquet of white roses. “You missed it.”
“She threw it right at you, didn’t she?”
“Of course, she did. She’s been trying to get us together for years.”
He shook his head, sniffed, and rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his poet shirt. Traci had chosen Baroque as the theme. The entire wedding party looked amazingly ridiculous.
“Are you okay?” I asked, confused. “Don’t worry…no pressure.” I wiggled the bouquet in front of him.
“I’m sorry. It’s all a bit much.”
“Huh?” I jumped up onto the top of the wall to sit next to him. “Too loud or something?”
“No,” he answered as if I’d said something funny. “I love weddings. You know, everyone’s family getting together.”
I put the bouquet down beside me and took his hand. “I’m so sorry.”
“You know, Lars and all his friends keep telling me that a clean break is best, and I agree. We’re not going to reconcile. I knew that a long time ago. I can tell myself that they’re assholes and they don’t deserve me, or…whatever…but I still lost them. I lost things like this. Nobody in our family was very rich, you know, except my one uncle that owned a dealership. We made fun of him all the time. Weddings though, we always went all out…stretch limos, way too many bridesmaids, ring bearers and flower girls, open bar, the whole thing.”
I held his hand tighter.
“And every time one of my cousins got married, my dad would get drunk and magically sincere and tell me to find a nice girl one day…be a man…get a good job and have lots of kids. He was always so happy when someone got married or had a baby. That’s what he thinks life is about, so I don’t make sense to him. I’m wrong.”
“I’ll never meet him, will I?”
“No.”
“So, I don’t have to find him and ask for his permission?” I said, picking up the bouquet again and brandishing it.
“What? I think he’d…he’d beat the shit out of you. Seriously, Nik. He’d hurt you.”
“It would be worth it, if I got one good hit in.” I made a fist and punched the air with my free hand while holding the bouquet in the other.
Jaimes smiled at me. He realized I was joking, but his smile didn’t last long. “Please, don’t hate him. He’s still my dad. He raised me. They’re still my family.”
“No, they aren’t.”
“Please, don’t. I get to decide how I think about them, okay. Don’t do that.”
“Jaimes. They abandoned you. They decided to do that. You didn’t get a say.”
He covered his face with his hand. “I know, I just…it hurts. It hurts, so much.”
“Your real family is in there having a party right now, a big old gay party, wondering where you are.”
“It’s not the same. I’m sorry. That’s Traci’s obnoxious aunt. That’s Mandi’s flirty sisters.”
“Don’t forget that’s Mandi’s cousin who keeps talking about his timeshare.”
“But do any of them own a dealership?” Jaimes laughed through his tears.
“I think Traci’s mom’s cousin owns a restaurant. Does that count?”
“I guess.”
“C’mon. Let’s dance together in a sea of small children,” I said, sliding down from the ledge. “Let’s stay too late, get shitfaced, and kiss in the corner while Christ Triumphant is watching us.”
“Jesus. Nik, stop,” he laughed. He got down from his perch and started to follow me. “Hey, by the way, who caught Traci’s bouquet?”
“Let’s hurry up and go inside.”
“What? Why the hurry?”
“No reason.”
October 28, 2023
Waking up.
The night before, it was so dark that we could only find the door by feeling around. Lucky for us, with a few solid hits with my shoulder, it gave way, and we were able to get in. We pushed it closed behind us, collapsed, and slept.
When I came to, all I saw was white so painful that my eyes immediately closed as tight as they could. For a moment, I thought I was being blinded by lights in a hospital or police station, but I was comforted by the scent of decaying leaves and dew. The morning calls and responses of hundreds of horny sparrows told me that I was still in the woods, and therefore still free. The floor beneath me was rough, surfaced with countless perfectly spaced linear scars filled with moisture that had long since soaked through my jeans. My back was supported by corrugated metal. My pillow had been a conveniently slanted pilon.
Better than nothing.
I opened my eyes again, blinking desperately to figure out what was so bright.
“It’s the sun.” I smiled as I held my hand in front of my face to put my eyes in shadow. “It’s the sun.”
Several of the aluminum panels that made up the walls of the big boxy building had long since been ripped away by frightening winds from long forgotten storms. Once light had invaded the edifice, all of nature was given a license to reclaim it. The concrete floor was pierced with dozens of fast-growing adolescent trees and carpeted with moss and mold. Thick sheets of vines covered the edges of the missing panels, spilling into the enormous room. The rafters were plastered in bird shit and littered with massive nests of sticks and neon yellow twine.
Wait. Where’s Riley?
My hair stood on-end. I frantically darted my head around as I slowly stood up through the aches in my muscles.
“Riley?”
No answer. I lurched forward.
“Riley!”
My voice barely filled the abandoned warehouse, leaving only a faint echo. I felt small, insignificant.
“Riley!!” I screamed.
“JaaAAAaaake!” I could hear him laughing from the other corner of the building. “JAAAAKE!”
Jerk.
I stretched my chest to its limit, filling my body with beautifully fresh air, then released it, intentionally, to keep calm. “Fuck you, Riley. I was worried,” I muttered as I straightened my shirt.
“What?!” he called out.
“Fuck you, Riley!”
“You won’t believe what I found,” he said as he walked closer. “Come with me.”
Sugar
He could barely look at me as he slid into the booth opposite me at the restaurant. The server came over to give us menus and take our drink order but neither of us needed the menu.
I ordered a hamburger and fries with a Coke. He ordered what they had on-special: pancakes with caramel, bananas, nuts, and whipped cream. He added a chocolate shake. I already knew he wasn’t doing well. The uncharacteristic amount of sugar confirmed my suspicions.
“I can’t…anymore. I can’t,” he finally admitted once the server had left.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. He was doing so well, and then…he went quiet, pale. He cries and won’t tell me why. I’m starting to worry. You know, worry that he might decide to leave.”
“Leave?”
“Not break up with me. That’s not what I mean. Because, I’ll be honest, sometimes I wish he would. It would be a relief. But I can’t break up with him, I can’t. I would worry too much.”
He finally looked up at me, his lips pressed together, and his forehead creased as if he were concentrating. Perhaps he was trying to find the right words. “I miss you.”
Oh no. “Jaimes…”
“I know. I know. But I was happy when I was with you, comfortable, at ease. Isn’t that what it’s supposed to be like? I dread being around him, but I’m scared when he’s gone. I worry that he’s going to do something terrible and I…I can’t. I can’t deal with it anymore. I don’t know what to do. I asked Caleb to stay at the house until I got back. I don’t dare leave Nik all alone for even a few hours. I’m going crazy.”
I knew what he was looking for. He wanted me to console him and give him advice like I always did. He held his hand out just far enough to seem natural while still letting me know that he wanted me to touch him. He wanted me to hold his hand and tell him everything was going to be okay and that he wasn’t alone.
“Jaimes. The first thing you should do is stop calling on me like this.”
“What? Why? I’m not trying to…”
“I’m not the one you should be talking to.”
“Yes, you are. Christ! I need a friend. I’m not trying to get back with you. Okay. I’m just…being honest. Please. Can’t you see…”
“Jaimes. Why were you at ease with me? Think about it.”
“I don’t know. Because we’re compatible? Because you’re stable?”
“I know what it feels like, to be young and alone and scared, and be comforted by someone who is older and wiser.”
“I’m not a kid.”
I took a deep breath and looked him dead in the eye. “Then why are you here?”
“I told you, because I need a friend. Can’t you see that? I’m at my limit.” He withdrew his hand and clenched his jaw. “Lars, please…or was I just a good fuck to you?”
“I’m going to let that go, because I know you’re upset.”
“Is it wrong, to want someone to take care of me for once? Is it?”
“No, but Jaimes, you need to stop this. You felt comfortable with me because we weren’t in a relationship. That’s why. There were no difficulties to overcome. There were no fights over things that mattered. There were no times where you were made to feel like you feel now. You think I’m stable? You should have met me when I was your age.”
“Stop…”
“It is what it is, young man. No more. No less.”
He wiped his eyes and reluctantly nodded his head. After taking a breath to compose himself, he lifted his head and sat up straight. “I need to know, are you willing to help me? To help us? Nik needs help and it’s more than I can handle on my own.”
“Of course.”
July 22, 2023
Bad Memory CN
Content information:
Suicidal ideation, sexual situations, sex work, violence, gun violence, physical injury resulting in disability, police brutality, an abusive situation involving a minor, brief description of sexual violence, murder, revenge porn, promiscuity, homophobia including slurs, biphobia, hospitalization, incarceration, emotional abuse and manipulation, online harassment, PTSD, death, therapy, medication, age play and pedophilia is mentioned.
Some context (spoilers):
Nik has PTSD and depression. He goes to his psyche. He struggles with going back to work and getting his meds right. He struggles with self-worth. He also has an extremely unhealthy relationship with his ex that’s explored “on screen” in the third and fifth book. He was also drugged and sexual assaulted as a teen which is not described in great detail, but some of the circumstances are mentioned and discussed at several points.
One of the main characters is shot with a gun. He is also subject to police brutality as well as kidnapping.
All three main characters are subject to homophobic verbal abuse, including slurs.
One of the main characters is stalked and harassed, including being subject to revenge porn and false assumptions.
Two characters experience family abandonment.
Probably one of the more disturbing aspects of the book is concerning the childhood of one of the antagonists. He is subject to an extremely sexualized and neglectful environment. An instance of physical and emotional abuse against him by his father is described.
Two of the characters experience suicidal ideation and self harm.
I want to say though, after describing all of that, I would not characterize what I wrote as some sort of “torture porn”. However, the book does deal with several sensitive topics and I wanted to be as upfront, as I can, about that for anyone who would rather avoid those.
Also: Don’t tell everyone, but bad things do happen to several of the bad guys at the end.
The Bear in the Woods CN
CN: The sexual content involves light breath play and very stark size differences. The strong emotions and family estrangement involve a rant where a child threatens to kill their parent, and attempted suicide as a means of revenge.
This story was a blast to write. It’s a completely different story depending on what gender you assume the narrator to be, not because the relationship dynamics are different (they aren’t necessarily) but because the assumed social backdrop is so different.
Why is the relationship considered taboo? What was the narrator asked to do when they were sent away? Forced marriage? Something else?
The anger that the narrator expresses at their mother also takes on a different timbre, to me, depending on the gender of the narrator. I think it’s interesting, just as a thought experiment, to consider how the various elements strike the reader depending on this assumption.
There are also various “clues” as to the gender of the narrator. Which ones point to which genders? Do we assume they are a woman because they are being saved? Do we assume they are a woman because they want privacy? Do we assume they are a man because they are not accustomed to feeling small? Do we assume they are a man because their relationship with another man is considered unexpected and scandalous?
The age of the narrator is also not specified. This could be a few years later, or decades later. The time period is also not specified. It could be a long time ago or now or even in the near future.
It dawned on me that the story could easily be adapted as a soliloquy. I think that would be fun, and the nature of such a performance, would, of course, be different depending on who the actor is, how they are dressed, etc.
But regardless of all of that, the story is, without question, a love letter to big, hairy, rugged, hardworking, caring men. It’s also a story of resilience and I hope that readers enjoy the story as much as I enjoyed writing it.
The Right Numbers CN
A more detailed content warning is below. Also HUGE spoiler is under the content warning.
This story involves war, suicide, mass murder, parent death and religious zealotry.
Spoilers!!! HUGE SPOILERS!!!! Read the thing first you bastard!
It’s a math riddle. The whole thing is a math riddle. The number they are reciting is e , Euler’s Number, and you might ask “Who is right?”
The answer is — it depends on when you stop.
So, at the end, the main character says “seven” at the same time that the rest of the group say “six”. But if they stop at that digit, the *most right* number is seven. Basically, you round up. If they don’t stop at that digit, the *most right* number is six and the next digit is also six.
