Dunstan Ayodele Stober's Blog, page 7

Keep Standing. Don’t Settle

10 Keys to An Extraordinary Decade

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” — Jer 29:11

Photo by Denny Luan on Unsplash

“Mr Stober, your passport is full.”

It was the 23rd of December 2019. That alert by the immigration lady made me realise that my 32-page passport got filled as fast as the months of the year seem to have evaporated. The end of another year was upon, almost by surprise. Time seems to flies when we are busy. And 2019 was a busy year for me.

The operating environment in Afghanistan was volatile and challenging. The journey from one month to the next felt like a high-speed roller coaster. Still, I wished there was more time in the year to finish off my outstanding projects. The night before I started my leave, I burnt the midnight oil approving purchase orders, authorising payments and signing off internal memos. The following day was just as intense. I was overcome by that hectic feeling of trying to do all of a month’s work on the day before one goes on leave. The financial closing exercise of the last month of the year is always crucial.

While one part of me was overwhelmed by the undone work that I was leaving behind, another part of me was relieved to be taking a much-deserved break. On the travel day, I arrived at the airport just in time to before the check-in counter closed. At the boarding gate, I was greeted by a much anticipated double beep from the boarding pass scanner. “Sir, I will have to issue you with another pass,” the boarding attendant announced. My eyes glowed. The corners of my lips were almost touching my ears as I looked at the words “Business Class” on the top-left corner of my new boarding pass.

What a beautiful present to kick start my vacation. Sit back, relax and enjoy the Emirates’ hospitality — good food, drinks, and a movie to pass the less than three hours flight to Dubai. During the brief pre-takeoff formalities, I started to reflect on my Life Plan. 2019 was a good year and a solid foundation to set my 2020 plans, not resolutions. I stopped making New Year resolutions four years ago when I crafted my first Life Plan. That plan remains a working document to this date. I wrote about my Life plan in the article below:

New Year Resolutions are useless; Do These Five Things Instead

Shortly after takeoff, my mind switched off. I was too tired to think. A movie sounded like the perfect lullaby that the doctor ordered. “A drama would do the trick,” I thought to myself. So, I checked out the trailer of “Brian Banks,” a flick inspired by actual events in the life of a teenage American football prodigy. By the end of the movie trailer, my back was upright, and the sleep knocked out of my eyes. I got curious not because I wanted to clear the confusion about how they play the game with their hands, but get to call it football. I could relate to Brian’s story of resilience, determination and the will to survive.

When he was 16 or 17 years old, Brian Banks was arrested and jailed for a crime that he did not commit. It took him 13 years after that to make his dream professional debut. Over those 13 years, he gave his all into getting the court to overturn his wrongful conviction of a registered sex offender so he can have the chance to pursue his dream.

“I spent six years in prison and the past three on parole for a sex offence that I did not commit,” Brian noted in one of his many letters to Justin Brooks. Justin Brooks was an attorney who had set up a project to fight cases of wrongful convictions — California Innocence Project.

It has been a long night from the carwash to the finance hot seat. Through the drama of Brian Banks’ landmark case, I found the following ten insightful keys to achieving one’s dream and living an extraordinary life, that resonated with my life’s journey.

Photo by Riccardo Annandale on Unsplash

Have a dream

Brian was on his bed, dreaming about playing a game on the biggest stage of American football — the National Football League (NFL), when the police barged into his bedroom to arrest him. The system was about to take away a dream he has had since he was six years old.

I remember when I was about five or six years old. My favourite role play was a teacher and shrubs around the yard were my students. I would carry a cane while teaching the plants my nursery rhymes and beating “those” who did not want to learn.

It was my dream to educate, motivate, and inspire. I am pursuing that dream today through my writing, in my professional life and my business.

“A dream is an inspiring picture of the future that energises your mind, will, and emotions, empowering you to do everything you can to achieve it.” — John C Maxwell

Don’t quit.

Brian Banks wrote in his letter to Justin Brooks, “I wrote you two years ago from CMC, and you turned me down. But I don’t stay down. Not for long.”

At some point in our lives, someone or something have made us want to quit.

In February 1997, I was fortunate to escape the rebel invasion in Freetown when KPMG Sierra Leone sent four of us on an exchange program to KPMG Nigeria. We were to work as interns while studying for our professional accountancy qualification — ACA. Given my high flying grades on which made KPMG recruited me, I was confident that I would breeze through the chartered accountancy program in record time. But, my journey back to earth was a swift and brutal reality check. I flunked my first exams in three consecutive attempts. In less than two years after arriving in Nigeria, I was staring at repatriation. KPMG Nigeria presented me with two options — go back to Sierra Leone or they will demote me to an admin role in the Finance department. I took the latter for a chance to redeem myself. I passed all four stages after that at first attempt. That disappointment gave me the most significant opportunity to be the accountant that I am today because I refused to stay defeated.

“Do not judge me by my success; judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” — Nelson Mandela

Take responsibility

Brian Banks said this while recounting the events that led to his arrest:

“You know that feeling you get that tells you something is off? Some say it’s the voice of God. “Had I listened to that voice, we might not be here today. But I didn’t. And here we are.”

I was angry with the system in KPMG Nigeria after I was demoted. It was as if I was transported from the playground to the jungle. Within two weeks of my arrival, I was admitted to the hospital. The doctors said it was stress. I was 24 years old.

I had my first and only experience of being attacked at knifepoint coming back late from work in Lagos Island. Going to work was a nightmare. We had to take jalopy-looking buses from bus stands that look like a warzone. Passengers screaming and pulling at each other while trying hop into moving vehicles. And vehicles were driving on sidewalks with no regard for pedestrians. On my first day to work, I stood for hours at the bus stand in shock as I watched what looked like a live horror movie. To add to all that, we were given only a few weeks off to prepare for our exams. “Even the best student cannot make the grades in conditions like these,” I tried to console myself. Mom’s replied to dad when I was leaving Freetown replayed in my head. “If people are living and thriving there, so will he.”

If I had not been so over-confident, I would not have failed. I signed up for the lectures, bought the books and dedicated time for the library. I gave myself no room for slip-ups in my email to the senior partner in KPMG Sierra Leone. “Give me two years to complete the next four stages of the program. You have my permission to recall me to Sierra Leone if I fail on this commitment.”

Despite those tougher conditions, I succeeded because I gave up my excuses and self-pity for hard work, dedication and commitment.

Don’t make excuses. Take responsibility for your actions and learn from your mistakes. We give away control of our lives when we blame people, the system and circumstances.

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. — Jim Rohn

You need a cheerleader

“Yay! That’s my baby!”

No matter the level of noise in the stadium, Brian’s ears were always open to hearing those four words from his mum at the start of every game that he played.

“I know that you will not be able to recall me but believe me, […] I follow you so strongly on [Facebook] on your write-ups. God bless you, [I] always picked up and shall continue to pick up a lot from you.

Whenever I feel low, I just scroll your write-ups.”

The above note from one of my readers gives me the motivation to keep writing during times when I lose the zeal to go on. I will write even if it is to impact that one person who will be lifted by reading my work.

“We had 2,000 fans at every game. But, to be honest, I only heard one.” — Brian Banks

Get a coach

“Coach Carroll was someone I looked up to, and his belief in me made a world of difference,” Brian said of his long-standing coach, who helped to nurture his talent. Coach Carroll offered Brian the first opportunity to get back to the game after the court overturned his conviction.

We all need a technical coach who has our interest in mind, who believes in us and will hold us accountable.

I had the privilege of working with a CFO who helped me to build my career development plan. He gave me honest and direct feedback, both positive and constructive. While some of the feedback was tough to take, they were the guideposts that I needed to develop into the finance professional that I am today.

“A coach is someone who tells you what you don’t want to hear, who has you see what you don’t want to see, so you can be who you have always known you could be.” — Tom Landry

Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash

Embrace change

For the court to overturn his conviction, Brian needed to present a new body of evidence that the court did not consider during the first hearing of his case. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Brian. You need something new. [A] new piece of evidence. A new witness who can place you somewhere else at the time of the incident,” John Brooks said to Brian.

Four years ago, I decided that I needed to embrace a different system of planning my life. Verbal, adrenalin-pumping rants of New Year resolutions did not last beyond the first of week of January. Reviewing my Life plan, I can check off my biggest career goals. I writing career is developing at a steady pace. And I am on track to launch my dream business in 2020. These are benefits of my “new evidence” — my Life Workbook.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” — Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi

Find a support system

“Well, you got a real fan club up here, Brian. I’m gonna have a mutiny on my hands unless we do something. So, Marilyn and Alissa are gonna head up to Los Angeles, ask you a few questions, all right?” The paralegals in Justin Brook’s office did not let him rest until he took Brian’s case.

When all evidence was pointing against me in the fraud case back in 2005, the CFO and CEO staked their jobs in vouching for me. When I failed my exams, and I was facing repatriation, the senior partner at KPMG stepped in to support me through the rest of the program. I would not have made it this far with people who supported, trusted and believed in my case.

“I am so lucky. I have a great support system. All I have to do is run.” — Cathy Freeman

Get a mentor

Life was beginning to looking like getting back to normal for Brian after he started dating a beautiful lady, Karina, from a gym club. Karina asked Brian how he survived prison at such a young age. “[I] Almost didn’t. Especially in the beginning. Then I met a man who showed me a different way, and everything changed.”

Early on in my career, I believed that I must be technically superior to my subordinates for me to have authority as their leader. My mentor made me accept that it is okay to be vulnerable as a leader. For the first time, I heard a boss say to his subordinates — “you are the expert in this, what do you recommend?”. That new perspective transformed my leadership style forever.

“One of the greatest values of mentors is the ability to see ahead what others cannot see and to help them navigate a course to their destination.” — John C. Maxwell

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

Take risks.

“I go anywhere near that girl, they’re gonna put me right back in prison,” Brian responded to the suggestion that his way out was to get his accuser to say that he did not do it. Taking this risk was his only chance to redeem himself. He eventually got her to confess on video.

Everyone, except my family, saw my move to Afghanistan in 2011 as a big risk. It was a risk. I was leaving the comfort of Johannesburg for Kabul, a city known for nothing but war. But that risk is what set me on course to realising my career goal. I returned to Kabul four years after leaving, to take up my first CFO job.

“Sometimes things come your way, and you have to act on them right then and there or else you won’t have another chance.” — Brian Banks

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost more than 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” — Michael Jordan

Give something back

“But football gave me an option. It taught me discipline and dedication, and strangely, it gave me faith. Because Mom said, my talent was God-given. So, each night, I promised to give something back in return.” — Brian Banks.

I know that I am where I am today because of the Grace of God. I use my writing to inspire my readers. I empower and help my colleagues to develop their potential. And I try to give back in various projects that I find credible.

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing for others?” — Martin Luther King, Jr.

Brian Bank’s tenacity paid off in the end. He got his accuser to confess on a video recording that Brian did not rape her. He got want the lawyer asked — a confession from his accuser that he did not do it. However, these two words from Justin Brooks about the new video evidence left Brian devastated:

“It’s inadmissible.”

The closing stages before the retrial was the highlight of Brian Bank’s movie for me. Brian’s response after hearing those two words summed up what it means to have an extraordinary life.

“You want extraordinary? I’ll tell you what’s extraordinary about this case.

I am.

It’s extraordinary that I’m still here. That I’m still standing.”

If you miss any of the ten keys, get this. You will achieve an extraordinary life because of one person — You!

You may have had some disappointments in 2019. You did not get that promotion you thought you deserved. It feels like you got less than the efforts you put into your business. You did not hit your health and fitness goals. And it even seems that your prayers were not getting past your head.

Do not spend time thinking about the past, successful or not. “Spend too much time thinking about the last play; you will not be ready for the next one.” — Brian Banks.

Move on, look forward to the new opportunities that the new decade will present. Don’t give up on your dreams, embrace change, have faith and be ready to give back.

Keep standing, do not settle, and you will be on your way to an extraordinary decade.

A Profound Poetry from the 13th-Century

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?” — Matt 6:25

Photo by Kalen Emsley on Unsplash

I am burning the midnight oil at the office in Kabul, Afghanistan.

Have you ever experienced the rush of work just before you run off on holiday? Well, that is exactly my situation as I hammer the keys to fill this blank space on the page in front of me.

I am frantically trying to clear my desk before I take my festive break.

My desk is cluttered with paperwork to review and sign. Emails in my packed inbox were crying for my response. And my phone? It is tuned down, in silent mode. No distraction from the unending stream of WhatsApp messages.

A perfect time to learn and to nourish my mind with materials for personal growth. I put on my Sony headphone and tuned in to YouTube. I tapped a video by Vishen Lakhiani of Mind Valley — “The Four Rules of Life that Change Your View of Everything.”

What are the odds? Vishen read a poem by the 13th-century Afghan poet, Rumi.

This poem is deep, profound and true:

“When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety.

If I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain.

From this, I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me.

There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it.”

- Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī

The 45 Most Important Life Lessons I have Learnt @ Forty-five

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” — Matt 6:33

The date is 2nd December. It’s my birthday.

I feel like it was yesterday that I wrote: “44 Things I have Learnt @ Forty-four”.

365 days later, I am celebrating my 45th birthday. The days, weeks and months have gone by so quickly. But I do not ask the question — “how did time go by so quickly?” To paraphrase Michael Altshuler

They say that time flies when you are having fun. The good news is that I am the pilot.

During the flight of the past year, I experienced some turbulence, some tailwinds and some headwinds. I had some good takeoffs and excellent landings, and some not so good ones too.

I know I still have many more miles to cover. But I will like to take this time to show gratitude to God for His grace, mercies and favour that have brought me this far. I am grateful for my family and friends, who continue to show me love and give me encouragement and support. Without God, family and friends, I may not have gone through all the storms of the past year.

My birthdays are special days that I use to reflect on the successes of the past year and take note of lessons that I have learnt along the way. And 2018, I decided to share some life lessons that I believe will help someone, somewhere in the course of their flight of life.

This year, I will carry on my tradition of sharing the most valuable lessons that have shaped my philosophy — one lesson for each year.

Here are the 45 most impactful lessons that I learnt about work, life, career, relationships, business, leadership, family and faith.

1) Put God First

Denzel Washington put it best:

“Put your slippers way under your bed so when you get up in the morning, you have to get on your knees to find them. And while you’re down there, start your day with prayer. Ask for wisdom. Ask for understanding.”

I commit everything I do and every decision I make to God in prayer. My parents taught me well.

2) Be grateful

I am grateful for life; for my family and close friends; for my mentors; for the challenges that I have overcome to become who I am; and above all, I am grateful to God for his grace.

3) Never forget the people who helped you

I feel blessed. God continues to place some amazing people along my path. Friends who helped me to pay my school fees. Leaders who took time to teach me and gave me a chance. I do not take these for granted, and I will certainly not forget those who contributed to my journey.

4) Attitude will get you where aptitude can not

The people that I have enjoyed the most productive relationships with at work, in business and friendship are those with the greatest humility and selflessness. I believe humility and a teachable spirit are important ingredients for success.

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” — Zig Ziglar

5) A healthy body leads to a healthy mind

I feel at my productive best on the days I put in, at least, 20 minutes of exercise before work. This routine forces me to wake up early. My mind is active before I step into the office. Take this from a guy who lost 30Kgs in a two year’s journey. Worth it!

6) Do not worry about the unknown

I have learnt not to stress over what I don’t know, and I do not go looking for some bad news. We had a saying that goes like this — “don’t trouble, trouble until trouble troubles you.” Funny old cliché that I have found to be useful advice. It helps my sanity.

Also, the fear of the unknown inhibits change and success. Do not let your dreams die because of the fear of what is unknown.

7) Writing down my big hairy audacious goals is the first step to success

I dream big. I set scary targets for myself. But I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, nor do I keep my plans in my head.

I write my goals down on a five-year life plan workbook so I can track my progress against each goal. My five-year plan includes goals about my writing, about personal development and my career. I have financial goals, health goals and spiritual goals.

I have not always met all of my goals. And I do not know if I will achieve all of them in the future. But I do know that I will become a better person for trying.

8) Use what I have to build what I want

I still have the scars from working as a bricklayer to pay some of my school fees. I was using the strength of my youth to build the foundations of the life of my dreams.

We will have something to trade for what we have. We have time. Find your gift and use it.

9) Give your best or nothing at all

The effort that I put into anything that I do is binary. It is zero or one; go big or go home.

I give 100% at all times, wholeheartedly and with the best preparation possible. When I write, when I ride, and at work, I want to be able to say that I gave my best.

10) It is better to make progress than to aim for perfection

When I was much younger, I used to wear the perfectionist badge with pride. But not anymore.

I will not wait for it to be perfect. I will start. I will try as long as I am moving forward.

11) Integrity and a good name is better than monetary riches

As they say, our reputation precedes us. I believe that our “name” is the biggest currency we have to trade.

12) The key to learning is unlearning

I assume zero knowledge to free my mind to discover new things.

I keep learning long after my education was over. If I am to continue to be relevant and be of value, I need to keep learning and improving.

There is no better time for learning, knowledge and information than this present time.

13) My happiness is my responsibility

I choose to be happy no matter what. It is a conscious decision that is not determined by what I have, where I am or how I look. It is my choice.

14) It doesn’t matter what people say; it is my reaction that counts

There are only two opinions that matter to me. What I believe God says about me and my opinion about myself. The rest I take under advisement. This post on social media summarises it well.

“What will people say?” This sentence has killed more dreams than anything else in the world.

15) It is not what you say but how you say it

Words are powerful. I have not only learnt to use them wisely but also be mindful of how I use them.

Be gentle with your words.

Photo by Icons8 Team on Unsplash

16) Communication is the most important skill you can learn

Your audience will miss your message if you do not communicate it clearly, honestly and passionately.

17) You need a mentor to grow

I know I would not have made it this far without the people who continue to mentor me. My mentors challenge me, coach me and help me to see what is possible.

Do you need to grow? Find a mentor.

18) Leadership starts with you

I cannot lead others if I cannot lead myself to do the difficult things that I need to do for me to grow. I must first convince myself before I can convince others.

Discover yourself if you want to lead others.

19) Focus on making a difference and not a Dollar

In all the seven cities that I have lived and worked so far, my goal has been clear. Make a difference in the lives of those I touch.

20) Giving is the secret to Abundance

“Givers never lack.” When I do not have something that I want, I will check my giving. It does not matter if it is money, love or respect. Give it and it will come back to you.

How are you giving?

21) The right questions can open doors for you

When I was a kid, my parents used to call me question master. Forty-five years on, I remain curious as ever. I read books, listen to podcasts/YouTube and, yes, ask lots of questions so I can learn new things.

What questions are you asking?

22) Follow your instincts

I have learnt to trust my gut, that deep down feeling I get when logic does not feel right.

“Intellect can explain it, but instinct can find it.” — Bishop T. D. Jakes (author of Instinct)

Can you find the elephant?

23) Where I invest my time is proof of what is important to me

God, family, work, writing and health take up my time. They are the most important things to me.

How are you spending your time?

24) It is dumb to be the smartest person in the room

I improve and grow when I surround myself with people who are smarter and more experienced than me. My intention is not to look smart but to be smart.

I post my best race times when I ride with faster cyclists.

If you are the smartest among your friends, then it is time to reconsider your circle of friends.

25) Time lost cannot be regained, make it count

I strive to make everyday count because I do not want to look back in regret wondering what if. The pain of regret will be heavier than the pain of losing.

Do not count time; make the time count.

26) Listen attentively and be slow to speak

It is folly to speak in haste. Learning to be the last to speak is a virtue of a great leader.

27) You do not get what you want or need; you get what you deserve

I captured this lesson with the paraphrase of a quote from Jim Rohn.

When you plant in the right way and at the right time, you deserve a harvest in due season. I do not feel that I am entitled to anything, but I deserve everything for which I put in blood, sweat and tears.

28) Do not make decisions based on your emotions

I try not to make decisions when I am angry, sad or happy.

29) Nothing good comes without sacrifice, patience and perseverance

There is nothing like an overnight success. If this was true then the night must be very long. It took me almost two years to lose 30 Kgs, through proper eating and regular exercise. I tried all the quick weight loss fads — lose 10Kgs in 7 days.

30) Consistency is the key to excellence

The success of my plans depends on the consistency of my daily actions. The small daily habits of writing, exercising, eating right, and learning.

Will you have the patience to grow a bamboo tree?

Photo by Foto Garage AG on Unsplash

31) No matter how many times I fail, I will keep getting back up

I have failed in school, I have failed at work, I have failed in my walk with God, and I have failed in business. But no matter how many times I fail, I will pick myself up and go again. Never give up!

32) Life is like a crossword puzzle; each one is unique

My life is unique, so I do not try to copy anyone else’s life. I live on my terms, to be at peace with God, with those I love and my conscience.

33) Every vision need a support team

If Jesus needed 12 disciples, why should I try to do it all alone? I rely on my team at work, my family and friends who are willing to tell it to me as it is and not what I want to hear.

Who is in your support team?

34) You need a cheerleader to support you across the finish line

I have times when I doubt myself. I have moments when my spirit is low and unwilling. In this like these, my cheerleader would tell me — “you’ve got this!”

“Sometimes you have to believe in someone else’s belief in you until your own belief kicks in!” — Les Brown

We all need someone to believe in us.

35) The most difficult time can be a sign of a breakthrough

“The setup will be greater than the setback.”

At one point in my professional career, I was down. I was demoted because I did not make my exams. But the demotion became a setup for me to learn the ins and outs of financial operations. I am a better accountant because of that experience.

36) Be a kid

As a kid, we can try anything without fear of failing. I search for my inner child to do my best creative work.

37) I will never use people for my benefit

I value people relationship and the impact I make. If I cannot add value to someone, I best leave them alone.

38) How I handle the little things will determine how I will do with the big things

Dad will always remind me of this verse of the scripture — “Do not despise these small beginnings…” — Zech 4:10. You never know where the little things will lead.

You don’t get better just because you have a bigger responsibility. You get a bigger responsibility because you were better with the small things.

39) Do not sweat the small stuff

I have learned to let the small stuff slide. I try not to be major on the minor stuff. (Jim Rohn)

40) Don’t judge people by their present circumstance, you never know what they will become

I know better from my humble beginnings. The first deaf comedian I have ever seen and heard had this to say:

“Please, don’t pass judgement on anyone that you will not want passed upon yourself, because believe me when I tell you there’s no limit as to what any human being can possibly do with their lives. — Kathy Buckley

Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash

41) Create the life of your dreams and not dream the life you want

It is not enough to dream; I must take action. Go to the gym, write the books, eat right, make the investment. Do what it takes.

42) There is value in being a problem solver

I have worked in seven different cities, for the biggest telecommunications companies in Asia and Africa because someone remembered me for a problem I solved for them.

Are you solving problems or creating them?

43) I will not put off for later what I can do now

The right time is now. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and yesterday is gone.

“Don’t wait to be successful at some future point. Have a successful relationship with the present moment and be fully present in whatever you are doing. That is success.” — Eckhart Tolle

44) I will do unto others as I would want others to do unto me

The golden rule!

45) Never complain about the things that I cannot change

I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I grew up in an under-developed country. And I failed the first level of my professional exams three times and got demoted at work. I did not complain. I prepared myself for when the opportunity would come. That is how I got lucky.

“If the driver has the courage to create his own conditions, then the rain is just rain.” (from the movie The Art of Racing in the Rain)

“The future does not belong to the faint-hearted, it belongs to the brave.” — Ronald Reagan

My prayer for you and I is for God to grant us the boldness and courage to create the conditions that will nurture our dreams.

Man’s Best Friend. Three Philosophies for Success

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” — Matt 6:34

Photo by Emma Frances Logan on Unsplash

1981. I was seven years old, and my parents were struggling financially. Dad was not doing so well with his cab driving job, and mum’s teacher’s salary was poor and irregular. As things got increasingly difficult, we had to move to a relative’s place in an area of Freetown, Sierra Leone, called Ascension Town. They must have named this area Ascension Town because of the hill you have to climb to get there. Or so my kiddy brain thought. But for us, it was not a climb in fortunes.

We moved to a jam-packed communal compound to live in an adjoining block of one-bedroom apartments. I do not remember how many apartments were there, but it was rowdy. Although it was not far from the city centre, it felt like a village. I remember mum’s kitchen was outside and, a tripod of sizeable rocks on the dirt ground formed the small fire pit on which mum sets her pot for cooking in an open space. There were days we could not afford kerosene so I would go searching for used polythene bags while mum was preparing the ingredients for the meal of the day. I used to have fun watching the little droplets of flames from the polythene drop on the pieces of wood as I struggle to start the fire. As soon as my misty eye from the smoke sees hint a flame, I would shout, “mummy! The fire is ready.” I spent a lot of time after school helping mum with the “kitchen” chores while she interrogates me about school. That makeshift fire pit was also our study room. One time I came back with a not-so-good report from school which got mum fuming. Mum did not take kindly to the dropping of grades. Let me spare you the ordeal that ensued on that fateful afternoon. Suffice it to say that a few objects flew around that afternoon. Mum did not miss any opportunity to reinforce her message — “a good education is your escape to a better future”. She was right.

Photo by Ravi Sharma on Unsplash

In that same year, my only-child title, which I held for seven years, was taken away from me when my younger brother came along. I was happy and could not wait for him to grow up. I needed help with the house chores, and I also needed a playmate and a friend. While I waited for him to fill that void, I made a new friend from one of the neighbouring apartments. The gentleman was cruel to his dog. I was too young to know what breed of dog he was, but I remember that it had black fur mixed with traces of brown and ears always upright. The owner would kick and yell at him, through objects and starve him. This dog had such a terrible odour that I named him Smellie. I started to look after and feeding Smellie. His first bath was a huge fight. Dad helped me tie him to the steel pipe from the tap that was in the compound. Smellie was jumping and barking for joy after its first bath. I guess he must have felt light in its fur. Our friendship developed from thereon.

I would look forward to coming home after school to check and feed him. And I was always amazed at how he recognised the sound of my voice from a distance. Even when I tried to creep into the compound without making a sound, he would recognise my scent. He was my second pet and friend. My first was a chick which died under the weight of my soda drink bottle. But my friendship with Smellie grew over the four years we stay at Ascension town. It was then dad taught me that a dog is a man’s best friend. This phrase reminds me of a joke I heard from Lou Holtz.

“Lou Holtz said he told his friend that his wife was his best friend. But his friend told him that he was wrong. His said his friend told him that if he wanted to prove this point, he should lock his dog and his wife and his dog in the back of his truck. And come back two hours later to see who will be happier to see him.”

Guys, please do not try that at home. Take it from me; a dog is a man’s best friend.

Two years after we left Smellie with his owner, dad and I went back to visit. Smellie did not miss a beat. He recognised my voice from some distance as he used to those days I would come back from school. Smellie came dashing, barking and running back and forth. Dad had to hold me from falling over when Smellie jumped onto my chest. People in the compound and passers-by watched in amazement at Smellie’s reaction. It was an emotional scene. It was as if Smellie was telling me not to leave him again. This experience made me take a liking for dogs to the point that I will not miss a dog movie — Bolt, A Dog’s Journey, Marley and Me to name the few that I have watched.

On one of my flights from Kabul to Dubai, The Art of Racing in the Rain caught my attention. You can see why from the poster below.

source: www.foxmovies.com

Out of impulse, Denny, an aspiring race car driver, bought a golden retriever which he named Enzo. Enzo is the first name of Italian race car driver and entrepreneur — Enzo Ferrari. I am such a sucker for dog movies that this epic got me teary-eyed for most of its duration. I mean, who does that with a movie narrated by a dog?

I cannot promise you that you will get the same emotions from watching the movie because I do not know how much you relate to dogs. But I promise you that the three philosophies that I took away from this movie will help you succeed in this race called life.

Create your opportunities and stop complaining about things that you cannot control

Denny is uniquely adept, among his peers, in driving in the rain. Other drivers hate the wet surface. But for Denny, it is his favourite condition for racing. He takes the corners effortlessly and will almost certainly win any time it rains. The first race Denny took Enzo to ended with rain. Enzo (yes, the dog), watched his new owner celebrate victory at the end of the first car race that he witnessed. Years went by, Denny and Enzo’s bond grew. Denny got married, had a daughter and Enzo remained a part of the family.

One day, Denny came home to see his wife and Enzo watching one of his race videos as studiously as he would. When Denny sat down next to his wife on the sofa, she looked him straight in the eye and asked him — “how come when it rains you take corners faster than everyone else?” His answer perfectly articulates how we should react to external conditions in our lives.

“If the driver has the courage to create his own conditions, then the rain is just rain.”

Photo by Julian Hochgesang on Unsplash

Instead of complaining about the rain, Denny studied it to use it to his advantage. He said instead of him waiting for the car to skid on the wet surface; he creates the skid action so that he is in control of what happens.

I could have complained about my parents’ difficult financial situation. I could have complained that I could not get all the perfect conditions to study at home. That my head hurts after inhaling smoke from mum’s fire pit and not do my homework. But mum taught me to create my conditions such that those were just hard times. They did not determine the outcome of my race, instead, I created the conditions to help me skid through the difficult times.

Do not let the external conditions of the economy, your boss, or whatever it is that you are facing determine the outcome of your race. See how you can use those external conditions that are outside your control to your advantage. Let the rain just be rain.

Denny always seemed unfazed whenever he lost a race. When he comes home after each race, his wife or daughter would ask him if he won. If he lost, his answer would be, “not this one sweetheart, not this one”. His reaction does not mean he was not ambitious or that he was careless about his job. But he guided himself with this one philosophy.

“The best drivers don’t dwell on the future or the past. The best drivers focus only on the present.”

Photo by Lucas Suesco on Unsplash

As my favourite speaker put it — “treat the past as a school. Let it teach you. Don’t use the past as a burden to carry. Don’t use the past as a club to beat yourself with.”

Does this mean that we should not plan for the future? No, no, no. We should plan our future with diligence. I believe that if we do not plan our future, our past will come back to haunt us. But the key is not to worry about the future. We should prepare for it but not let it distract us from giving our best in the present moment. That way, we can “face the future with anticipation and not with apprehension.” (Jim Rohn)

No matter how good my previous grades were, they did not matter in the present. What mattered was if I am giving my best now. We did not dwell on past glory or failures. Nor did we talk about what the next class would be. The question is always — is my now better than my past best?

“Don’t wait to be successful at some future point. Have a successful relationship with the present moment and be fully present in whatever you are doing. That is success.” — Eckhart Tolle

We must always strive to give our best now. And if things do not work out as we want them to, we must keep trying. We will give our past power over us and will fail our future if we do not give our best now.

Denny had many tryouts and test drives in the movie to get into different race teams. The first race in the movie, he was called in to step in for another drive. True to his philosophy, he did not concern himself about what would happen after the race. Nor did he let his jobless past make any anxious to do well. His focus was to give his best in that race. He won and got a job offer which set him on the path of his dreams.

But after he lost his wife to cancer. He got embroiled in a legal custody battle for his daughter with his in-laws. He fought hard and did all that he could to pay the legal expenses to win back custody. The case prevented him from travelling out of the country when the opportunity came for him to work for Ferrari in Italy.

His long-time friend had arranged a gig for him to try out to be a test driver for Ferrari. The Ferrari driver developer came over to the US to see Denny test drive one of the latest Ferrari releases around the race track where Denny was teaching some race driving kid enthusiasts. The developer was impressed with Denny’s driving and gave him an open invitation to Italy whenever he was cleared to travel. For the first time in the movie, Denny faced a future opportunity with apprehension. He asked his friend. “What if I lose in the trials? What if I do not make it? His friend’s response is a life philosophy that we can adopt if we want to succeed in life.

“There is no dishonour in losing the race. There is only dishonour in not racing because you are afraid to lose.”

We should never live to go through the pain of regret, asking what if? Most times, we allow the fear of failure to hold us back. It is better to try and fail than not to try at all. I rather put out this piece and get negative reviews than not put it out in fear that readers will criticise it. I will put it out there than hold back because of the fear that readers will find spelling and grammar mistakes. Because it is only through those failures that I will learn and grow into a better writer.

When we fail to try because of the fear of failure, we are accumulating the weight of future regret.

“There are two types of pain you will go through in life, the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tonnes.” — Jim Rohn

I have failed in school, I have made mistakes on the job, and I have failed in business, many times. All of those mistakes and failures are only me finding out ways not to do those things in my next attempt.

In this race called life, the conditions will not always be perfect. It will rain sometimes. We will face many trials, and we will feel the fear of the unknown. But we will increase our chances of winning the race if we:

1) Have the courage to create the conditions we want, rather than complain about the things we cannot change.

2) Focus on getting the best out of the present, using the past as a lesson and preparing for the future with anticipation and;

3) Let go of the fear of failure to lessen to the weight of regret for it is better to try and fail than not to try at all.

Drivers, start your engines! And let’s race.

Photo by Diego Gavilanez on Unsplash

Start with this One Little Thing to Change the World

“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.” — Luke 16:10

Technology has made things a lot easier, given us much independence and brought us closer together than ever. The rate of innovation, which we sometimes refer to as disruption, is scaringly fast that it is hard to keep up. I “Uber” a cab in Johannesburg. About two minutes later, a private car pulls up to take me to my destination. I started a conversation with the driver about how it is hard to imagine what life was without all these new techs and industry disruptors. Hailing a cab has never been this easier. Who would have thought that I could be booking a hotel room as I walk to board my flight to my next destination? Information and learning media and platforms have never been this pervasive. Udemy, Qoura and Youtube, to name a few.

Starting a movement is equally made easier. Thought leaders can share their ideas on numerous platforms and media. Authors no longer need publishing houses to get their books out into the world. Simon Sinek’s — “Start with Why”. The 5 AM club and morning routine, Robin Sharma. The Five Seconds Rule by Mel Robbins. I can go on. Still yet, I think we are about to see the rise of another movement or is it just me? Or I am even late to the party?

The “Make Your Bed” movement may just be gaining steam. We even debated this concept in one of my WhatsApp group. Thanks to Admiral William H. McRaven’s 2014 commencement speech at the University of Texas in Austin. As at the time I was writing this piece, the YouTube video has had over 9.2 million views. That number is likely to be much more by the time you check the video out. I wrote my first piece about that speech which you can read below.

Want to Change the World? Start Singing

I may have watched that YouTube video about five times or more. Chances are, I will watch it a few more times to refresh on the invaluable lessons. I could not resist an offer of the follow-up book from a friend who had read my post above. “Make Your Bed” by William McRaven expanded version of the YouTube video with the same ten lessons. There are a few tear jerkers sprinkled 130-page short read. But this book is a reference manual of timeless philosophies for better, happier and successful living.

Photo by Ato Aikins on Unsplash

“Little things that can change your life… and maybe the world.”

Reading the front cover as I closed the book, I pondered on what “making one’s bed” could mean. Does it mean I should start making my bed? And if I did, there is no way I can match the military precision of the SEALs. It is the act that will matter, not the dexterity of the execution. In any case, how can such a simple, small task change you? Making my bed is what housekeeping is paid to do. It is one of the comforts of living a hotel life, in Kabul. But what if I do not take the Admiral’s advice literally? That’s it. I could hear mama’s voice in my head as if she was in the room.

“Making your bed will also reinforce the fact that the little things in life matter. If you can’t do the little things right, you will never be able to do the big things right. And if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made. That you made. And a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better” —  Admiral William H. McRaven

Mama’s voice re-echoed one of her favourite proverbs. “As you make your bed so you must lie on it.” Be ready to face the consequences of your actions, can be one way to interpret this idiom. I look at it this way. You enjoy the comfort, rewards and success that you prepare for yourself.

May 2014 was time for me to say goodbye to Kabul after three years. The goodbyes were emotional. Some jokingly asked me to stay, at least a bit longer. But there was no stopping me. The distance from family, the restriction in movement and the hassles of frequent flying had taken a mental toll on me. All the send-off parties, the gifts and kind words from friends were heartwarming. My colleagues made me feel like I was leaving a family behind. The outpouring of appreciation humbled me. I did not feel that my leaving was creating a vacuum. I was proud of the team I was leaving behind. They had the skills and the drive to carry on without me, an expat, as the Senior Manager of Financial Operations.

My Afghanistan experience was a closed chapter in my life’s book. At least that is what I told myself at the time. As it turned out, I had only made my “bed.” Four years later, I was returning to Afghanistan; to the same company. But this time, as their Chief Financial Officer. I was returning to a bed that I had made. If I did not make my bed during my first stint, coming back would have been uncomfortable, uneasy and most likely impossible. I was delighted to come back to the team that I had coached; to an organisation that made me feel like a family away from home. The CEO and management trusted me with greater responsibility, and I accepted to return because I knew I had made my bed well.

My first stint was me doing the little things well, just like making my bed. My second stint is my opportunity to do the big things well, building on the confidence of the small things that I did well.

Photo by 童 彤 on Unsplash

“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” — Jim Rohn

What is your bed? Make it when you wake up. Do not leave it to housekeeping. Your bed can be your career, your business or your life. Be faithful and committed to it when it is little so you can face a greater future comfortably and with pride.

“Sometimes, the simple act of making your bed can give you the lift you need to start your day and provide you the satisfaction to end it right.” — Admiral William H. McRaven