Timothy Ferriss's Blog, page 36
September 28, 2021
Michael Dell, Founder of Dell — Early Failures, Battling Carl Icahn, Learning from the Competition, and How to Play Nice But Win (#534)
Illustration via 99designs“You learn a lot more from your customers than you do from the competition.”
— Michael Dell
Michael Dell (@MichaelDell) is chairman and chief executive officer of Dell Technologies, an innovator and technology leader providing the essential infrastructure for organizations to build their digital future, transform IT, and protect their most important information. He is the author of Play Nice But Win: A CEO’s Journey from Founder to Leader.
Michael is an honorary member of the Foundation Board of the World Economic Forum and is an executive committee member of the International Business Council. In 1999, he and his wife, Susan Dell, established the Michael & Susan Dell Foundation.
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.
Brought to you by Wealthfront automated investing, Helix Sleep premium mattresses, and Tonal smart home gym. More on all three below.
The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.
Listen onApple Podcasts[image error]Listen onSpotify[image error]Listen onOvercast#534: Michael Dell, Founder of Dell — Early Failures, Battling Carl Icahn, Learning from the Competition, and How to Play Nice But WinThis episode is brought to you by Wealthfront! Wealthfront pioneered the automated investing movement, sometimes referred to as ‘robo-advising,’ and they currently oversee $20 billion of assets for their clients. It takes about three minutes to sign up, and then Wealthfront will build you a globally diversified portfolio of ETFs based on your risk appetite and manage it for you at an incredibly low cost.
Smart investing should not feel like a rollercoaster ride. Let the professionals do the work for you. Go to Wealthfront.com/Tim and open a Wealthfront account today, and you’ll get your first $5,000 managed for free, for life. Wealthfront will automate your investments for the long term. Get started today at Wealthfront.com/Tim.
This episode is brought to you by Tonal! Tonal is the world’s most intelligent home gym and personal trainer. It is precision engineered and designed to be the most advanced strength studio on the market today. Tonal uses breakthrough technology—like adaptive digital weights and AI learning—together with the best experts in resistance training so you get stronger, faster. Every program is personalized to your body using AI, and smart features check your form in real time, just like a personal trainer.
Try Tonal , the world’s smartest home gym, for 30 days in your home, and if you don’t love it, you can return it for a full refund. Visit Tonal.com for $100 off their smart accessories when you use promo code TIM100 at checkout.
This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep! Helix was selected as the #1 overall mattress of 2020 by GQ magazine, Wired, Apartment Therapy, and many others. With Helix, there’s a specific mattress to meet each and every body’s unique comfort needs. Just take their quiz—only two minutes to complete—that matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you. They have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it out for a hundred nights, risk free. They’ll even pick it up from you if you don’t love it. And now, to my dear listeners, Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders plus two free pillows at HelixSleep.com/Tim.
What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
SCROLL BELOW FOR LINKS AND SHOW NOTES…
Want to hear another episode with an innovator who understands the value of failure? Listen in on my conversation with Sir James Dyson in which we discuss what it means to think like an engineer, how many tries it took to get a working prototype of his famous Dyson vacuum, the trials and tribulations of funding research and development, why invention is more about persistence than brilliance, experience as baggage that can get in the way, and much more.
#530: Sir James Dyson — Founder of Dyson and Master Inventor on How to Turn the Mundane into MagicSELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODEConnect with Michael Dell:Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn
Play Nice But Win: A CEO’s Journey from Founder to Leader by Michael Dell | AmazonMichael & Susan Dell FoundationThe Gamblers Behind Tech’s Biggest Deal Ever | FortuneTech Time Warp: Michael Dell Launches His Empire from a Dorm Room | Smarter MSPThe Houston Post | Texas State Historical AssociationDirect From Dell: Strategies that Revolutionized an Industry by Michael Dell and Catherine Fredman | Amazon1988 Summer Olympics | WikipediaAn Overview of Dell’s Supply Chain Strategy | Dynamic InventoryJust in Time (JIT) Inventory | InvestopediaThe Abyss | Prime VideoThe Terminator | Prime VideoTerminator 2: Judgment Day | Prime VideoGrit Scale | Angela Duckworth8 Signs You’re an Introvert | Verywell MindDell’s Big Bet: Computer Company Founder Gambling He Can Shake Up Industry Again | Austin American-StatesmanDell’s Public Journey From Private Equity Buyout To VMware Share Swap | CRNReport: Michael Dell, Silver Lake Partners to Keep Majority Stake in VMware After Spinoff | GovCon WireTracking Stock | InvestopediaWhat Causes Stuttering and Is There a Cure? | Scientific AmericanDell’s Direct Model to Success | Gaebler VenturesSHOW NOTESHow does meatloaf figure prominently in the story of Michael’s life? [05:28]Who is Carl Icahn? [06:57]Where did the title Play Nice But Win originate? [07:53]Does playing nice make it harder to negotiate or compete against people who don’t live by such a code? [09:02]How did Michael make $18,000 selling newspaper subscriptions at age 17? What tactics did he employ to gain an edge that wouldn’t normally occur to most 17-year-olds? [10:26]During this time, were there any entrepreneurial heroes Michael looked up to? [15:07]Michael wrote his first book, Direct From Dell, in 1998. What does he feel more comfortable discussing now that he may have hesitated to share back then? [16:16]Memorable mistakes and failures — how Michael felt about them in the moment, and how they drove him to adapt. [18:03]Is the ability to be more vulnerable something that comes with age? [21:54]What considerations are especially stressful for a CEO of Michael’s stature when things don’t go according to plan, and what has gotten him through the particularly tough times? [23:15]As an introvert, how does Michael navigate his high-profile vocation? [26:23]In retrospect, would Michael have handled his company’s unsustainable early hypergrowth differently? [28:05]Michael explains what happened when Dell walked back from being publically traded to privately held — and then public once again. [29:49]What is a tracking stock? [34:16]What were the risks of going private, and how did Michael think about mitigating them? [37:28]How was the decision to go public again made? [39:12]Who was particularly helpful during the take private chapter of this experience? [41:02]The most worthwhile investments Michael has made. [42:05]How does Michael think about competition while remaining true to his Play Nice But Win ethos? [43:51]What are some common mistakes Michael sees when companies engage in a direct-to-consumer business model? [45:47]As busy as Michael already is, why did he dedicate the time and energy to write Play Nice But Win? What does he hope the reader will take away from it? [50:10]Parting thoughts. [52:17]MORE MICHAEL DELL QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW“Failure is a key ingredient in any success.”
— Michael Dell
“You learn a lot more from your customers than you do from the competition.”
— Michael Dell
“I believe fundamentally that organizations like ours and others will be successful if they solve the future problems that customers have. If they don’t, they’ll just go out of business.”
— Michael Dell
“I have this belief that a lot of human potential is left unrealized because people are afraid to fail.”
— Michael Dell
Michael Dell, Founder of Dell — How to Play Nice But Win (#534)
Illustration via 99designs“You learn a lot more from your customers than you do from the competition.”
— Michael Dell
Michael Dell (@MichaelDell) is chairman and chief executive officer of Dell Technologies, an innovator and technology leader providing the essential infrastructure for organizations to build their digital future, transform IT, and protect their most important information. He is the author of Play Nice But Win: A CEO’s Journey from Founder to Leader.
Michael is an honorary member of the Foundation Board of the World Economic Forum and is an executive committee member of the International Business Council. In 1999, he and his wife, Susan Dell, established the Michael & Susan Dell Foundation.
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.
Brought to you by Wealthfront automated investing, Helix Sleep premium mattresses, and Tonal smart home gym. More on all three below.
The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.
Listen onApple Podcasts[image error]Listen onSpotify[image error]Listen onOvercast#534: Michael Dell, Founder of Dell — How to Play Nice But Winhttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/f336032e-7386-404a-b5fe-6d748e484384.mp3DownloadThis episode is brought to you by Wealthfront! Wealthfront pioneered the automated investing movement, sometimes referred to as ‘robo-advising,’ and they currently oversee $20 billion of assets for their clients. It takes about three minutes to sign up, and then Wealthfront will build you a globally diversified portfolio of ETFs based on your risk appetite and manage it for you at an incredibly low cost.
Smart investing should not feel like a rollercoaster ride. Let the professionals do the work for you. Go to Wealthfront.com/Tim and open a Wealthfront account today, and you’ll get your first $5,000 managed for free, for life. Wealthfront will automate your investments for the long term. Get started today at Wealthfront.com/Tim.
This episode is brought to you by Tonal! Tonal is the world’s most intelligent home gym and personal trainer. It is precision engineered and designed to be the most advanced strength studio on the market today. Tonal uses breakthrough technology—like adaptive digital weights and AI learning—together with the best experts in resistance training so you get stronger, faster. Every program is personalized to your body using AI, and smart features check your form in real time, just like a personal trainer.
Try Tonal , the world’s smartest home gym, for 30 days in your home, and if you don’t love it, you can return it for a full refund. Visit Tonal.com for $100 off their smart accessories when you use promo code TIM100 at checkout.
This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep! Helix was selected as the #1 overall mattress of 2020 by GQ magazine, Wired, Apartment Therapy, and many others. With Helix, there’s a specific mattress to meet each and every body’s unique comfort needs. Just take their quiz—only two minutes to complete—that matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you. They have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it out for a hundred nights, risk free. They’ll even pick it up from you if you don’t love it. And now, to my dear listeners, Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders plus two free pillows at HelixSleep.com/Tim.
What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
SCROLL BELOW FOR LINKS AND SHOW NOTES…
Want to hear another episode with an innovator who understands the value of failure? Listen in on my conversation with Sir James Dyson in which we discuss what it means to think like an engineer, how many tries it took to get a working prototype of his famous Dyson vacuum, the trials and tribulations of funding research and development, why invention is more about persistence than brilliance, experience as baggage that can get in the way, and much more.
#530: Sir James Dyson — Founder of Dyson and Master Inventor on How to Turn the Mundane into Magichttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/f42248b4-a289-4893-89a8-a0872c8c17db.mp3DownloadSELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODEConnect with Michael Dell:Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn
Play Nice But Win: A CEO’s Journey from Founder to Leader by Michael Dell | AmazonMichael & Susan Dell FoundationThe Gamblers Behind Tech’s Biggest Deal Ever | FortuneTech Time Warp: Michael Dell Launches His Empire from a Dorm Room | Smarter MSPThe Houston Post | Texas State Historical AssociationDirect From Dell: Strategies that Revolutionized an Industry by Michael Dell and Catherine Fredman | Amazon1988 Summer Olympics | WikipediaAn Overview of Dell’s Supply Chain Strategy | Dynamic InventoryJust in Time (JIT) Inventory | InvestopediaThe Abyss | Prime VideoThe Terminator | Prime VideoTerminator 2: Judgment Day | Prime VideoGrit Scale | Angela Duckworth8 Signs You’re an Introvert | Verywell MindDell’s Big Bet: Computer Company Founder Gambling He Can Shake Up Industry Again | Austin American-StatesmanDell’s Public Journey From Private Equity Buyout To VMware Share Swap | CRNReport: Michael Dell, Silver Lake Partners to Keep Majority Stake in VMware After Spinoff | GovCon WireTracking Stock | InvestopediaWhat Causes Stuttering and Is There a Cure? | Scientific AmericanDell’s Direct Model to Success | Gaebler VenturesSHOW NOTESHow does meatloaf figure prominently in the story of Michael’s life? [05:28]Who is Carl Icahn? [06:57]Where did the title Play Nice But Win originate? [07:53]Does playing nice make it harder to negotiate or compete against people who don’t live by such a code? [09:02]How did Michael make $18,000 selling newspaper subscriptions at age 17? What tactics did he employ to gain an edge that wouldn’t normally occur to most 17-year-olds? [10:26]During this time, were there any entrepreneurial heroes Michael looked up to? [15:07]Michael wrote his first book, Direct From Dell, in 1998. What does he feel more comfortable discussing now that he may have hesitated to share back then? [16:16]Memorable mistakes and failures — how Michael felt about them in the moment, and how they drove him to adapt. [18:03]Is the ability to be more vulnerable something that comes with age? [21:54]What considerations are especially stressful for a CEO of Michael’s stature when things don’t go according to plan, and what has gotten him through the particularly tough times? [23:15]As an introvert, how does Michael navigate his high-profile vocation? [26:23]In retrospect, would Michael have handled his company’s unsustainable early hypergrowth differently? [28:05]Michael explains what happened when Dell walked back from being publically traded to privately held — and then public once again. [29:49]What is a tracking stock? [34:16]What were the risks of going private, and how did Michael think about mitigating them? [37:28]How was the decision to go public again made? [39:12]Who was particularly helpful during the take private chapter of this experience? [41:02]The most worthwhile investments Michael has made. [42:05]How does Michael think about competition while remaining true to his Play Nice But Win ethos? [43:51]What are some common mistakes Michael sees when companies engage in a direct-to-consumer business model? [45:47]As busy as Michael already is, why did he dedicate the time and energy to write Play Nice But Win? What does he hope the reader will take away from it? [50:10]Parting thoughts. [52:17]MORE MICHAEL DELL QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW“Failure is a key ingredient in any success.”
— Michael Dell
“You learn a lot more from your customers than you do from the competition.”
— Michael Dell
“I believe fundamentally that organizations like ours and others will be successful if they solve the future problems that customers have. If they don’t, they’ll just go out of business.”
— Michael Dell
“I have this belief that a lot of human potential is left unrealized because people are afraid to fail.”
— Michael Dell
September 22, 2021
Paul Conti, MD — How Trauma Works and How to Heal from It (#533)
Illustration via 99designs“We can feel helpless and the world can seem hopeless. And that’s not the case.”
— Paul Conti, MD
Paul Conti, MD is a graduate of Stanford University School of Medicine. He completed his psychiatry training at Stanford and at Harvard, where he was appointed chief resident and then served on the medical faculty before moving to Portland and founding a clinic.
Dr. Conti specializes in complex assessment and problem-solving, as well as both health and performance optimization, serving patients and clients throughout the United States and internationally, including the executive leadership of large corporations. His new book is Trauma, the Invisible Epidemic: How Trauma Works and How We Can Heal From It.
Please enjoy!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. You can also watch the interview on YouTube.
Brought to you by Vuori comfortable and durable performance apparel, BlockFi crypto platform, and Athletic Greens all-in-one nutritional supplement. More on all three below.
The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.
Listen onApple Podcasts[image error]Listen onSpotify[image error]Listen onOvercast#533: Paul Conti, MD — How Trauma Works and How to Heal from Ithttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/63afb0e8-7ece-4dcd-b13f-c2d14a5f9c9d.mp3DownloadThis episode is brought to you by BlockFi! BlockFi is building a bridge between cryptocurrencies and traditional financial and wealth-management products. I became excited enough about this company that I ended up becoming an investor.
Their BlockFi Rewards Visa® Signature Credit Card provides an easy way to earn more Bitcoin because you can earn 3.5% in Bitcoin back on all purchases in your first 3 months and 1.5% forever after, with no annual fee. BlockFi also lets you easily buy or sell cryptocurrencies. For a limited time, you can earn a crypto bonus of $15–$250 in value when you open a new account. Get started today at BlockFi.com/Tim and use code TIM at sign up.
This episode is brought to you by Vuori clothing! Vuori is a new and fresh perspective on performance apparel. Perfect if you are sick and tired of traditional, old workout gear. Everything is designed for maximum comfort and versatility so that you look and feel as good in everyday life as you do working out.
Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at VuoriClothing.com/Tim. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but you’ll also enjoy free shipping on any US orders over $75 and free returns.
This episode is brought to you by Athletic Greens. I get asked all the time, “If you could only use one supplement, what would it be?” My answer is usually Athletic Greens, my all-in-one nutritional insurance. I recommended it in The 4-Hour Body in 2010 and did not get paid to do so. I do my best with nutrient-dense meals, of course, but AG further covers my bases with vitamins, minerals, and whole-food-sourced micronutrients that support gut health and the immune system.
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What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
SCROLL BELOW FOR LINKS AND SHOW NOTES…
Want to hear another episode that outlines effective paradigms for dealing with trauma and addiction? Listen to my conversation with Dr. Gabor Maté, in which we discuss investigating the causes rather than the consequences of addiction, the therapeutic value of psychedelics (including the right way and the wrong way to experience ayahuasca), why some powerful modalities aren’t for everyone, and much more.
#298: Dr. Gabor Maté — New Paradigms, Ayahuasca, and Redefining Addictionhttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/a0c1eace-43ca-4a95-8076-0f33ab872641.mp3DownloadSELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODEConnect with Dr. Paul Conti:Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic: How Trauma Works and How We Can Heal From It by Paul Conti, MD | AmazonDelivering Quality Mental Health Solutions | Pacific Premier GroupTypes of Trauma | Your Experiences MatterTrauma Symptom Inventory | WikipediaMy Healing Journey After Childhood Abuse (Includes Extensive Resource List) | The Tim Ferriss Show #464The Bridge to RecoveryDr. Gabor Maté — New Paradigms, Ayahuasca, and Redefining Addiction | The Tim Ferriss Show #298What Is Internal Family Systems? | IFS InstituteRichard Schwartz — IFS, Psychedelic Experiences without Drugs, and Finding Inner Peace for Our Many Parts | The Tim Ferriss Show #492What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)? | American Psychological AssociationWhat Is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? | Verywell MindThe World’s Largest Psychedelic Research Center | The Tim Ferriss Show #385What Is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)? | EMDR InstituteHypervigilance Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment | HealthlineWWII Post Traumatic Stress | The National WWII MuseumSelective Abstraction | WikipediaUnderstanding the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon | HealthlineWhat Is the Salience Bias? | The Decision LabWhat Is Learned Helplessness and Why Does it Happen? | Verywell MindMDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy | MAPSPsychedelic-Assisted Therapy (Resources) | Tim FerrissMarcus Raichle on the Default Mode Network | VPRO Labyrint TVTraumatic Brain Injury (TBI) Symptoms and Causes | Mayo ClinicPsychedelics as Antidepressants | Scientific AmericanWhat Is Hypermnesia? | Psychology DictionaryChlorpromazine | Drugs.comLithium | Drugs.comShould We All Take a Bit of Lithium? | The New York TimesTrazodone | Drugs.comDopamine Receptor D2 | WikipediaDiathesis–Stress Model | APA Dictionary of PsychologyNational Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk | AmazonSHOW NOTESHow did Paul end up in psychiatry? [06:29]Who wrote the foreword to Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic? [10:18]What is Paul’s personal history with trauma? [11:07]How does Paul suggest people think about and define the word “trauma?” How do certain subsets of trauma differ from one another? [16:54]How might someone take the first step in dealing with trauma that places itself in the forefront and makes it difficult to focus on anything else? [19:20]What does Paul think of the current state of trauma treatment? In what ways does it fail, and how can it be improved? [26:16]If we’re not doing a good job in the US, where can the most effective trauma treatment be found? [28:39]What does it take to really unearth the causes (and ideal treatment) of trauma beyond applying the imperfect trauma symptom inventory? [30:08]The good, the bad, and the ugly within the skill set of treating trauma. [32:45]“We shouldn’t ask why the addiction, we should ask why the pain.” -Dr. Gabor Maté [38:36]Modalities, frameworks, and tools that Paul has found to be particularly helpful in working with individuals who have trauma in their background. [41:29]Antidotes for hypervigilance. [46:34]What most helped Paul come to terms with his brother’s death by suicide, and how did it set the course for him to start medical school at age 25? [54:42]What is the basic structure of Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic? [1:00:09]Paul shares his favorite story from the book. [1:04:00]What is selective abstraction? [1:07:01]How might trauma promote learned helplessness that can push someone toward further trauma and even death? [1:09:47]What does Paul think about the use (and potential for abuse) of psychedelics in treating trauma? [1:12:39]With a number of arrows in the quiver, as Paul says, how does he prioritize options when treating someone for trauma? Might empathogens be included among these options? [1:19:12]An instance when Paul might prescribe an anti-psychotic (and what he finds objectionable about this name). [1:26:31]How can chlorpromazine (Thorazine) be helpful in these cases? [1:29:34]The most helpful way to approach lithium as a treatment. [1:33:11]What about trazodone? Does it carry any addictive or psychological risks? [1:37:21]Dopamine as a currency of distress. [1:40:09]What is a diathesis–stress model? [1:40:47]Credible resources recommended for listeners interested in learning more about trauma. [1:43:09]Parting thoughts. [1:45:25]MORE PAUL CONTI QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW“Dopamine is like a currency. People say, ‘What does dopamine do?’ It’s like saying, ‘What does a dollar do?’ It depends on where we’re spending it.”
— Dr. Paul Conti
“We can feel helpless and the world can seem hopeless. And that’s not the case.”
— Dr. Paul Conti
“If you’re not getting help the first, second, third time, keep trying. There’s help there to be had.”
— Dr. Paul Conti
“Vicarious trauma comes from, really, this wonderful fact that we can be empathic and empathically attuned to other people and we can feel what they’re feeling. That’s a wonderful thing that we can do that for one another, but it also makes us so susceptible to other people’s suffering and pain.”
— Dr. Paul Conti
“We’ve evolved a system that purveys mental healthcare largely without attention to the actual human being. And this is a huge problem.”
— Dr. Paul Conti
“If we just take symptoms, we will get it wrong.”
— Dr. Paul Conti
“A person should be able to talk about what’s going on inside of them because it’s burying those unhealthy seeds, so to speak, that then compounds original trauma into something that can end up being far, far worse with a whole cascade of problems.”
— Dr. Paul Conti
“There’s so much that gets compounded when the original trauma gets pushed outside of consciousness and outside of communication.”
— Dr. Paul Conti
“More pain and suffering means people are more likely to repeat maladaptive patterns that lead them to more trauma.”
— Dr. Paul Conti
“If trauma arouses shame, then the trauma itself immediately alters our perception mechanisms that we can use to understand the trauma and navigate our way through it.”
— Dr. Paul Conti
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform.
PEOPLE MENTIONEDPeter AttiaLady GagaGabor MatéLeah LagosBessel van der KolkSeptember 9, 2021
Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challenge (#532)
Illustration via 99designs“The first negotiation is really a negotiation with yourself to move from being focused on what I’m right about and you’re wrong about to getting curious about why we see this so differently.”
— Sheila Heen
Sheila Heen is a New York Times best-selling author, founder of Triad Consulting Group, and a deputy director of the Harvard Negotiation Project at Harvard Law School, where she has been a member of the faculty for 25 years. Sheila specializes in particularly difficult negotiations, where emotions run high and relationships become strained. She often works with executive teams, helping them to resolve conflict, repair professional relationships, and make sound decisions together. In the public sector, she has provided training for the New England Organ Bank, the Singapore Supreme Court, the Obama White House, and theologians struggling with disagreement over the nature of truth and God.
Sheila is co-author of the New York Times bestsellers Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most and Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (even when it’s off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and, frankly, you’re not in the mood). She has written for the Harvard Business Review and the New York Times—as a guest expert and contributor to the “Modern Love” column—and she has appeared on NPR, Fox News, CNBC’s Power Lunch, and shows as diverse as Oprah and The G. Gordon Liddy Show. She has spoken at the Global Leadership Summit, the Nordic Business Forum, the Smithsonian, Apple, Google, and Microsoft. Sheila is a graduate of Occidental College and Harvard Law School. She is schooled in negotiation daily by her three children.
Please enjoy!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Brought to you by LinkedIn Jobs recruitment platform with 750M users, Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover sleeping solution for dynamic cooling and heating, and Public Goods high-quality everyday essentials. More on all three below.
Listen onApple Podcasts[image error]Listen onSpotify[image error]Listen onOvercast#532: Sheila Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project — How to Navigate Hard Conversations, the Subtle Art of Apologizing, and a Powerful 60-Day Challengehttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/b182b402-07f6-4d58-89a8-539b81f7406f.mp3DownloadThis episode is brought to you by Public Goods! Public Goods is the one-stop shop for sustainable, high-quality, everyday essentials made from clean ingredients at an affordable price. Public Goods searches the globe to find healthy, eco-friendly, and innovative products and then packages them using a single, streamlined aesthetic for your home so you can get all of your premium essentials in one place and avoid buying from a bunch of mismatched, single-product brands. Multiple people on my team were already using Public Goods, and now, so am I.
Visit PublicGoods.com/Tim to receive $20 off the products in your first Public Goods order using code TIM, with no minimum purchase required!
This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn Jobs. Whether you are looking to hire now for a critical role or thinking about needs that you may have in the future, LinkedIn Jobs can help. LinkedIn screens candidates for the hard and soft skills you’re looking for and puts your job in front of candidates looking for job opportunities that match what you have to offer.
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What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
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Want to hear another episode with someone who understands the value of resisting the victim mindset? Listen to my conversation with Jim Dethmer, in which we discuss coping with stressful and disturbing thoughts, avoiding drama-based conflict in close relationships, becoming emotionally literate, accepting radical responsibility, cocommitment over codependence, and much more.
#434: Jim Dethmer — How to Shift from Victim Consciousness, Reduce Drama, Practice Candor, Be Fully Alive, and Morehttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/69f8a609-c098-40d9-bc09-e8ae89361f1f.mp3DownloadSELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODEConnect with Sheila Heen:Triad Consulting GroupDifficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen | AmazonThanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen | AmazonHarvard Memorial Church | Harvard UniversityGetting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher, William L. Ury, and Bruce Patton | AmazonOccidental CollegeHarvard Negotiation Project | Harvard Law SchoolDysregulation: Definition, Symptoms, Traits, Causes, Treatment | Verywell MindThe 6 Things That Predict Divorce | The Gottman InstituteAnne Lamott on Taming Your Inner Critic, Finding Grace, and Prayer | The Tim Ferriss Show #522Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA) | InvestopediaGetting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations by William Ury | AmazonLadder of Inference | WikipediaMoving from Blame to Joint Contribution | Global Leadership Network11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser (with Science) | Science of PeopleStudy Shows Evidence of Severe and Lingering Symptoms in Some after Treatment for Lyme Disease | Johns Hopkins MedicineImago RelationshipsWhat is Internal Family Systems? | IFS InstituteThe And Stance: How and Why | Likability Matters, CourseraWhat is “Parts” Therapy? Internal Family Systems Explained | Integrative Psychotherapy Mental Health BlogRichard Schwartz — IFS, Psychedelic Experiences without Drugs, and Finding Inner Peace for Our Many Parts | The Tim Ferriss Show #492Sheila Heen: How to Use Others’ Feedback to Learn and Grow | TEDx TalksSheila Heen: Blame Absorbing vs. Blame Shifting | Thought CapitalJim Dethmer — How to Shift from Victim Consciousness, Reduce Drama, Practice Candor, Be Fully Alive, and More | The Tim Ferriss Show #434Karpman Drama Triangle | WikipediaThe Conscious Leadership GroupRashomon (English Subtitled) | Prime VideoShattered Glass | Prime VideoStar Wars Episode IV: A New Hope | Prime VideoSHOW NOTESWho was Roger Fisher? [06:35]How did Sheila enter the scene with respect to negotiation and conflict resolution, and what did she love about it? [09:13]Sheila shares the story about the time she went to renew her passport in Los Angeles and how it informed her contribution to Difficult Conversations. [11:28]What are the three categories of difficult conversations, and what is the underlying structure they have in common? [16:13]How understanding the underlying structure of these three conversations helps you find your way if one doesn’t go as planned. [25:36]How can we convey genuine curiosity in these conversations without unintentionally coming off as condescending? What if this isn’t the first time this conversation has happened and it’s getting heated? [28:25]Sometimes the person with whom you’re conversing is just seeing things from a vastly different perspective. Sheila shares a personal story. [38:13]When a disconnect like this seems evident, how can each party come to a better understanding of where the other is coming from? [41:45]What is a statement against interest, and how can it be used? [46:28]A good apology versus a bad apology: what’s the difference? [48:37]Rewriting the scripts for bad apologies — particularly when each party has very different ideas about conflict resolution and resilience. [58:00]What does it mean to “give voice to the parts?” [1:15:39]What are first, second, and third position skills, and what does it mean to step into the third position? [1:16:51]The importance of setting expectations about — and learning over time — how the people in your life behave (this includes you). [1:21:22]What would Sheila’s best self say to her business partner and co-author in the midst of collaborating on a book’s third edition after a flare-up? [1:22:35]In personal and professional relationships, we often have feedback for the other about how we think they need to change. But what if we present obstacles as shared problems? [1:28:09]Blame-absorbers versus blame-shifters. [1:30:05]Heroes, villains, and victims. [1:34:21]Parting thoughts. [1:43:08]Additional post-game thoughts from Sheila about the question that plays like background music to many difficult conversations, how to avoid making every difficult conversation a spring cleaning when your relationship simply needs some light spot-dusting, and a 60-day experiment. [1:46:27]MORE SHEILA HEEN QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW“Some people have trouble with some conversations, and the same conversation is easy for someone else. And it’s partly because of whatever the story is that you tell about yourself and who you are trying to be.”
— Sheila Heen
“The first negotiation is really a negotiation with yourself to move from being focused on what I’m right about and you’re wrong about to getting curious about why we see this so differently.”
— Sheila Heen
“Part of what I’m listening for in a difficult conversation is I’m just trying to understand what do you see and how do you interpret it? We each have implicit rules about how the world is supposed to work. Do we have different implicit rules here? Then it helps me to put those puzzle pieces on the table and try to fit them together, understanding that some of them just won’t fit. And that’s okay.”
— Sheila Heen
“It’s not just that we have difficult conversations in our most important relationships; those conversations are the relationship. That if we find a way to have them productively or constructively, then the relationship will thrive, whether it’s a personal or professional relationship, and/or is where we start to disengage because you just don’t get it and you won’t listen, and the relationship starts to fray.”
— Sheila Heen
“‘What am I missing?” is actually a great question, partly because they’re going to be so thrilled to be able to tell you. They’re going to take that invitation, but genuinely they can see things that you can’t.”
— Sheila Heen
September 8, 2021
Henry Shukman — Zen, Tools for Awakening, Ayahuasca vs. Meditation, Intro to Koans, and Using Wounds as the Doorway (#531)
Illustration via 99designs“There’s something about deep wounding that can be a pathway to deep, deep love. It’s a very beautiful thing when the wound becomes the doorway.”
— Henry Shukman
Henry Shukman (@mountaincloudzencenter) teaches mindfulness and awakening practices to a wide range of students from all traditions and walks of life. Henry is an appointed teacher in the Sanbo Zen lineage and is the Guiding Teacher of Mountain Cloud Zen Center. He has an MA from Cambridge and an MLitt from St Andrews and has written several award-winning books of poetry and fiction.
Henry’s essays have been published in The New York Times, Outside, and Tricycle, and his poems have been published in The New Republic, The Guardian, The Sunday Times (UK), and London Review of Books. He has taught meditation at Google, Harvard Business School, UBS, Esalen Institute, Colorado College, United World College, and many other venues. He has written of his own journey in his memoir One Blade of Grass: Finding the Old Road of the Heart, a Zen Memoir.
Henry has also recently created a new meditation program, Original Love, which aims to provide a broad, inclusive path of growth through meditation.
Please enjoy!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Brought to you by Allform premium, modular furniture; Pique Tea premium tea crystals (pu’er, etc.); and You Need A Budget cult favorite budgeting app. More on all three below.
Listen onApple Podcasts[image error]Listen onSpotify[image error]Listen onOvercast#531: Henry Shukman — Zen, Tools for Awakening, Ayahuasca vs. Meditation, Intro to Koans, and Using Wounds as the Doorwayhttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/6d188631-fd52-4c0a-940f-a0e2701ce913.mp3DownloadThis episode is brought to you by Allform! If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you’ve probably heard me talk about Helix Sleep mattresses, which I’ve been using since 2017. They just launched a new company called Allform, and they’re making premium, customizable sofas and chairs shipped right to your door—at a fraction of the cost of traditional stores. You can pick your fabric (and they’re all spill, stain, and scratch resistant), the sofa color, the color of the legs, and the sofa size and shape to make sure it’s perfect for you and your home.
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This episode is brought to you by Pique Tea! I first learned about Pique through my friends Dr. Peter Attia and Kevin Rose, and now Pique’s fermented pu’er tea crystals have become my daily go-to. I often kickstart my mornings with their Pu’er Green Tea and Pu’er Black Tea, and I alternate between the two. Their crystals are cold-extracted, using only wild-harvested leaves from 250-year-old tea trees. Plus, they triple toxin screen for heavy metals, pesticides, and toxic mold—contaminants commonly found in tea. I also use the crystals for iced tea, which saves a ton of time and hassle.
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What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
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Want to hear another episode with someone who relies on Zen to get things done? Have a listen to my conversation with Zen Habits’ Leo Babauta in which we discuss uncertainty training, embracing the suck, habit breaking and forming, standing out from the competition in a crowded arena, unschooling, and much more.
#488: Leo Babauta on Zen Habits, Antifragility, Contentment, and Unschoolinghttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/c62bd9af-f4f6-4bb9-8022-754a79ef46df.mp3DownloadSELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODEConnect with Henry Shukman:Mountain Cloud Zen Center | LinkedIn | Facebook | Instagram
A New Approach to the Ancient Path of Awakening | Original LoveOne Blade of Grass: Finding the Old Road of the Heart, a Zen Memoir by Henry Shukman | AmazonOther Books by Henry Shukman | AmazonAtopic Dermatitis (Eczema) Symptoms and Causes | Mayo ClinicThe Cold War | MI5The Official Secrets Acts and Official Secrecy | House of Commons LibraryTranscendental MeditationBeatles in India: 1968 Visit to Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s Ashram | Rolling StoneWaking Up with Sam Harris AppDhyāna in Buddhism | WikipediaJhana Meditation | The Contemplative LifeKundalini Awakening: What It Is + 15 Signs You’re Having One | MindbodygreenWhat Is Somatic Therapy? | Verywell MindKeiretsu | InvestopediaWhy I Wrote a Book about Why I Stopped Writing Books, Part 1 of 2 by Henry Shukman | Mountain Cloud Zen CenterWhy I Wrote a Book about Why I Stopped Writing Books, Part 2 of 2 by Henry Shukman | Mountain Cloud Zen CenterTramp Stamps Are Making a Comeback | ViceJ.D. Salinger and a Zen Koan by Henry Shukman | Tricycle: The Buddhist ReviewAn Insight Meditation Center | Spirit RockWhat Is Zen Buddhism and How Do You Practice It? | Lion’s RoarWriting Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within by Natalie Goldberg | AmazonBecoming the Mountains and Rivers | Lion’s RoarZazen Meditation: Benefits, Practice, and More | HealthlineNonduality: Defining the Undefinable | Deconstructing YourselfWhat Is A Zen Koan? History And Interpretation Of Koans | Being ZenHow to Practice Zen Koans | Lion’s Roar15 of the Deepest Zen Koans | Wisdom PillsThe Buddha’s Four Foundations of Mindfulness | Lion’s RoarMessage from Henry: Mu Ichi Motsu | Mountain Cloud Zen CenterSamadhi: How to Attain It, Stages, and More | MindbodygreenBorat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan | Prime VideoWhat is Dokusan? | Lion’s RoarWhat an Ayahuasca Retreat Showed Me about My Life | VoxDennis McKenna — The Depths of Ayahuasca: 500+ Sessions, Fundamentals, Advanced Topics, Science, Churches, Learnings, Warnings, and Beyond | The Tim Ferriss Show #523Kenshō | WikipediaPsychedelic-Assisted Therapy (Resources) | Tim FerrissBiocentrism: How Life and Consciousness are the Keys to Understanding the True Nature of the Universe by Robert Lanza and Bob Berman | AmazonAbout Holotropic Breathwork | Grof Transpersonal TrainingVipassana Meditation | Dhamma.orgThe Random Show — Life-Extension Misadventures, Blockchain/Crypto Investing, NFT Experiments, Dogecoin, Zen Buddhism, and Weathering Sharp Elbows | The Tim Ferriss Show #527Immersive Art Experiences | Meow WolfSHOW NOTESWhy did Henry once identify with Typhon, the mythological beast who lived under the volcano Etna, and how did this lead to his first foray into meditation? [06:13]How examining the deep wound that results from childhood trauma has the potential to become a doorway to deep love (and what so often stops this from occurring). [09:51]What was Henry’s introduction into the world of meditation? [15:19]What does Henry mean by the term “awakening?” [16:40]Is awakening a repeatable phenomenon, or is it something that only needs to occur once? Henry conveys how Zen master Yamada Koun described it, and shares his own first experience. [20:02]Was Henry under the influence of any substances when this happened? In retrospect, what does he think brought it on? [32:12]Was Henry later able to replicate this state of awakening at will, or control it in any way? [36:17]How experimenting with jhana meditation brought Henry to a state similar to what he’d experienced the very first time, and why he thinks this may have happened. [38:10]What happened during the year following that first experience? [40:33]In Henry’s experience, how might an awakening be distinguished from what a psychiatrist with a DSM desk reference might categorize as a psychotic episode? [43:41]Why the modern Western embrace of Eastern spirituality isn’t without its hazards. [46:36]Why awakening doesn’t require us to become hermits and live away from the world, and what Henry learned while roaming the countryside as a teen being mentored by an “old school tramp.” [49:38]What is Zen and how did Henry find it? [54:16]How long was Henry’s first Zazen meditation, and why does he think it moved him so powerfully? [1:01:25]What is a koan? You’re probably familiar with at least one (even if you don’t know how to answer it). [1:02:46]What is nonduality, how do koans guide us toward it, and is the increasing awareness of awakening in the Western world akin to transcending the geocentric worldview that prevailed before Galileo and Copernicus? [1:05:14]Has Henry found it common for Zen practice newcomers to experience a nondual awakening early on? While a psychedelic compound is almost guaranteed to give someone at least a glimpse of this state, how might someone be prompted toward an awakening without it? Additionally, why does Henry consider the term “non-ordinary consciousness” — when applied to an awakened mind — a misnomer? [1:07:59]How awakening can be a “marvelous kind of loss.” [1:15:48]What is Henry’s new program, Original Love, all about? [1:17:59]What does “Mu ichi motsu; muju zo” mean, and can “Koan” be roughly translated as “Over the precipice of nonsense?” [1:20:31]Under what circumstances did Henry make the decision to consume ayahuasca for the first time, and how similar/dissimilar was his experience to koan-induced awakening? How did a later ayahuasca outing under much different circumstances compare? [1:28:24]We ponder how a psychedelic experience might differ from an awakening on a neurochemical level, how each can be useful for exploring different facets of what we perceive as “reality,” and where caution should be exercised. [1:38:46]Has Henry ever witnessed someone having a bad experience through Zen that required special aftercare? [1:43:38]How Zen can be a rewarding journey even without a destination. [1:44:42]Revisiting Original Love: it’s a program, a course, and an upcoming book. [1:46:36]Parting thoughts. [1:47:54]MORE GUEST QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW“There’s something about deep wounding that can be a pathway to deep, deep love. It’s a very beautiful thing when the wound becomes the doorway. I think there’s always that potential with a wound, but so much of the time we tend to accrete protection over a wound and sort of stay away from a wound and avoid it and live as if it weren’t there.”
— Henry Shukman
“There’s another dimension, another aspect, another face of our experience of this very moment in which we are totally part of everything.”
— Henry Shukman
“In awakening, one thing vanishes, that sense of self, and another thing appears, which is what that sense of self was occluding.”
— Henry Shukman
“All space had disappeared. There was no distance anywhere. I felt like my nose was pressing against the end of time. My nose was touching the furthest reaches of the universe because it was all just here. It was one reality without space, without time.”
— Henry Shukman
“I knew that I had found the answer, but I hadn’t even been asking a question.”
— Henry Shukman
“I felt that I had found sort of the answer to life, which I hadn’t been looking for and wasn’t interested in. But now it was like I knew I could die and my life had been fulfilled.”
— Henry Shukman
[On his first experience with Zazen meditation] “It’s not like I had some marvelous enlightenment experience right then, but I did have a sense in that first sit that this was a way of contacting life.”
— Henry Shukman
“The first thing to say about koans is they are not riddles to be solved, and our mind wants to make them that.”
— Henry Shukman
“I suppose I still am a bit of a troubled soul, but I’m a happy one.”
— Henry Shukman
“It’s not like it’s ‘Awakening or bust.’ That’s a wrong mindset.”
— Henry Shukman
“In any level of any zone of practice, love is usually the thing, somehow or other, that triggers the transformation that opens up things.”
— Henry Shukman
“It’s like love to find that we’re part of everything. It’s like love to find that this nothing—no thing—is producing everything, generating everything, infinite generosity. That’s like love.”
— Henry Shukman
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
PEOPLE MENTIONEDKevin RoseTyphonHarold ShukmanAnn ShukmanDavid ShukmanJames BondMaharishi Mahesh YogiSam HarrisYamada KounSigmund FreudRyoun Yamada RoshiWu WeiyeDu FuLi PoJack KerouacAllen GinsbergGary SnyderJ.D. SalingerJerry SeinfeldHugh JackmanParamahansa YoganandaSteve JobsD.H. LawrenceNatalie GoldbergEihei DogenGalileo GalileiNicolaus CopernicusLayman PangBorat SagdiyevRuben Habito RoshiDennis McKennaSeptember 2, 2021
Sir James Dyson — Founder of Dyson and Master Inventor on How to Turn the Mundane into Magic (#530)
Illustration via 99designs“There’s nothing wrong in always being dissatisfied; always look for improvement.”
— Sir James Dyson
Sir James Dyson is the founder and chairman of Dyson. Through investment in science and technology and working alongside Dyson’s 6,000 engineers and scientists, he develops products that solve problems ignored by others. Sir James was elected a Fellow of the Royal Society in 2015 and appointed to the Order of Merit in the 2016 New Year Honours. He was awarded a CBE in 1996 and a Knight Bachelor in 2007.
James is the founder of James Dyson Foundation, inspiring the next generation of engineers through scholarships, engineering workshops, university partnerships, and the annual James Dyson Award, an international student design competition. In 2017 James established The Dyson Institute of Engineering and Technology, where undergraduate engineers pay zero tuition and earn a full salary while completing their degree studies and working on real-life projects alongside world-experts in Dyson’s global engineering, research, and technology teams.
James is the author of the new book Invention: A Life, the story of how he came to be an inventor himself and built Dyson, leading it to become one of the most inventive technology companies in the world.
Please enjoy!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Brought to you by BlockFi crypto platform, Athletic Greens all-in-one nutritional supplement, and Theragun percussive muscle therapy devices. More on all three below.
Listen onApple Podcasts[image error]Listen onSpotify[image error]Listen onOvercast#530: Sir James Dyson — Founder of Dyson and Master Inventor on How to Turn the Mundane into Magichttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/f42248b4-a289-4893-89a8-a0872c8c17db.mp3DownloadThis episode is brought to you by BlockFi! BlockFi is building a bridge between cryptocurrencies and traditional financial and wealth-management products. I became excited enough about this company that I ended up becoming an investor.
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This episode is brought to you by Athletic Greens. I get asked all the time, “If you could only use one supplement, what would it be?” My answer is usually Athletic Greens, my all-in-one nutritional insurance. I recommended it in The 4-Hour Body in 2010 and did not get paid to do so. I do my best with nutrient-dense meals, of course, but AG further covers my bases with vitamins, minerals, and whole-food-sourced micronutrients that support gut health and the immune system.
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What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
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Want to hear an episode with another inventive tinkerer? Lend an ear to my conversation with chef Chris Young, in which we discuss the symptoms of maxing out the learning curve, reverse engineering, OCD superpowers, getting hired by hard-to-reach people, why the most interesting jobs are the ones you make up, Victorian exercise regimens, killer vegetables, how geniuses show disappointment and prompt correction, apocalyptic-scale BBQs, and much more.
#173: Lessons from Geniuses, Billionaires, and Tinkerershttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/39ee5814-e848-4b6b-84c3-61a74f7ff099.mp3DownloadSELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE Invention: A Life by James Dyson | Amazon DysonThe James Dyson FoundationThe Dyson Institute of Engineering and TechnologyDyson V11 Animal Cordless Vacuum Cleaner | AmazonThe Fry Family, Chocolate Makers | Quakers in the WorldWhat Is a Geodesic Dome? | R. Buckminster Fuller CollectionRoyal College of ArtJames Dyson on His Vacuum Failure and Success | New York MagazineBallbarrow | Inside DysonCyclonic Separation | WikipediaThe Past Porton Down Can’t Hide | The GuardianBreaking the Pain Barrier | Psychology TodayRotork’s Famous Sons | Financial TimesSea Truck | WikipediaRazor-Razorblade Model | InvestopediaThe Sunk Cost Fallacy | The Decision LabMy Customers Would Have Asked For a Faster Horse | Quote InvestigatorFrom Walkman to iPod: What Music Tech Teaches Us About Innovation | The AtlanticCitroën Hydropneumatic Suspension Explained | AutoevolutionThe 25th Anniversary of the Lithium-Ion Battery | KyriaThe Wonder Jet – Story Behind the Whittle Engine | AIRBOYDAirblade Hand Dryers | DysonDyson CR01 Washing Machine TV Ad | 2DrumsAllergyInside Dyson’s $700 Million Quest to Design an Electric Car | Fast CompanyVolkswagen Wraps Multiyear Investigation into Dieselgate | The VergeTesla Made More Money Selling Credits and Bitcoin Than Cars | AutoweekMoulton Bicycle CompanyMiniLotus CarsClearing | InvestopediaSir James Dyson Opens Invention Powerhouse at the University of Cambridge | University of CambridgeSHOW NOTESNote from the editor: Timestamps will be added shortly.
Who was Jeremy Fry?What did James study at university?What does it mean to think like an engineer?Were enthusiasm, fascination, and curiosity qualities that were fostered by anyone in James’ orbit as a youth, or did they come gradually through experiences along the way?How might James suggest parents encourage these qualities in their children?What’s the origin story of the original Dyson vacuum?How many tries did it take to get a prototype that worked as intended, and what did the process of financing and development look like?Why invention is not about being brilliant — it’s about being logical and persistent.What compelled James to persist for as long as it took to create the first ideal prototype? How long would it have taken for him to throw his hands up and admit defeat if that prototype had never materialized?Was developing the first prototype James’ full-time occupation at the time? Did he have a plan B if things didn’t work out?Once the desired prototype appeared, why was the vacuum industry initially resistant to its innovations?When did James finally get a foothold on the commercialization of his now-famous vacuum?Encouraging feedback reinforcing James’ belief in this new product must have been overwhelming by this point, right?How did James’ wife handle the uncertainty of prototype development and commercialization?Even though surveys suggested that customers wouldn’t want to see the dirt and dust sucked up by the Dyson vacuum, James decided to make the cleaner’s bins see-through anyway. Why?How expensive were the first Dyson vacuums compared to their contemporary competition? How hard was it to get retailers to carry them, and why did the customer demographic run counter to expectations for a “premium” brand?Rather than designing to a price, what does James aim to achieve with his inventions?Who is Akio Morita, and what does James appreciate about him?Other inventors, designers, or engineers who stood out for James when he was developing his chops.What led to the development of the Dyson Airblade?On the Airblade being the first product Dyson targeted for an industrial rather than consumer audience, why this made James uncomfortable, and what its major selling points were.Why, in spite of being fantastically efficient, James has to consider the Dyson washing machine a favorite failure.Why the Dyson N526 electric car was canceled, and features James hopes to see carried over into future projects.Dyson is a privately held company. What makes James uncomfortable about going public or accepting investment funding?What prompted James to write Invention: A Life and start the Dyson Institute of Engineering and Technology?On experience as baggage that can get in the way, applying cross-disciplinary curiosity to solve problems in unique ways, and the power of asking naive questions.What would James’ billboard say?Parting thoughts.MORE GUEST QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW“Experience is a baggage that can get in the way.”
— James Dyson
“Drop your fear of failure; don’t be afraid of failure.”
— James Dyson
“Invention is not about being brilliant; it’s about being logical and persistent.”
— James Dyson
“I did want to call my book A Life of Failure because failure’s exciting and you learn from failure. If you’re taught something and then what you do works, you haven’t really learned anything. You haven’t learned what doesn’t work, which is usually more interesting.”
— James Dyson
“The best questions are naive questions.”
— James Dyson
“Whenever I look at anything, I wonder how it works, and then I wonder how it could work better. Could I make it work better? Is there a technology I could use? Is there a way I can reconfigure it? Is there a radical breakthrough I could do for lateral thinking that would make a huge difference?”
— James Dyson
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
PEOPLE MENTIONEDJeremy FryR. Buckminster FullerJoan LittlewoodAlec DysonDeirdre DysonHenry FordAkio MoritaSoichiro HondaFrank WhittleAlex MoultonAlec IssigonisSeptember 1, 2021
Machiavelli for Women: 7 Power Strategies for the Workplace
The following is an excerpt from the new book, Machiavelli for Women: Defend Your Worth, Grow Your Ambition, and Win the Workplace. The author, Stacey Vanek Smith (@svaneksmith), is a longtime public radio reporter and host. She currently hosts NPR’s The Indicator from Planet Money, a daily podcast covering business and economics. She has also served as a correspondent and host for NPR’s Planet Money and Marketplace. Stacey is a native of Idaho and a graduate of Princeton University, where she earned a BA in comparative literature and creative writing. She also holds an MS in journalism from Columbia University.
Enter Stacey…
Niccolò Machiavelli. Today, he is probably best known as a ruthless power monger, devoid of ethics and compassion. The phrase most often associated with him, “The ends justify the means” (which Machiavelli never actually wrote but probably would have heartily agreed with), has turned him into an apologist for sociopaths, tyrants, and megalomaniacs the world over.
I think this is a gross misunderstanding of both the man and his work. The Prince does not condone random cruelty or tyranny or violence. It is a remarkably sober look at how people take power and how they can best hold on to it and grow it. Machiavelli was an incredibly clear-eyed original thinker who might just be history’s first true champion of real talk. For that reason, there could be no better guide for the workplace.
In the five hundred years since Machiavelli wrote The Prince, a lot of things have changed: We have electricity, the combustion engine, computers, and antibiotics. We’ve even split the atom. People, though, haven’t changed one bit. And for that reason, Machiavelli’s advice about navigating the workplace has proven to be quite timeless.
Machiavelli’s strategies are powerful tools in the modern workplace, especially for women, people of color, and other often-marginalized workers. Here are 7 of my favorite Machiavellian power tips.
#1 — Always Get the Truth, Even If It Hurts
Part of seeing a situation clearly is having people you trust who can offer their outside observations. They can help you see what you don’t want to (or can’t) see. This means helping you assess different situations and colleagues and also giving you feedback. Machiavelli was big on feedback. “A Prince,” he writes, “ought always to take counsel” (Chapter XXIII). Machiavelli saw honest feedback as the primary way a prince could protect himself against flatterers and yes-men. (Machiavelli was death on flatterers and yes-men) “There is no other way of guarding oneself from flatterers except letting men understand that to tell you the truth does not offend you” (Chapter XXIII). Feedback feels like risky exposure, but Machiavelli saw it as powerful protection for a prince and a way to get necessary information. The ability to hear the truth—or the “truth” of people’s impressions and opinions—will make you stronger and smarter and help you succeed. Machiavelli was careful to say that you should not open yourself up in this way to just anybody. Ask the people who are key to enabling you to move up within a company; ask people you respect; ask the people you trust.
#2 — Cultivate Your Network
Having people you trust and people who can help you in the workplace is crucial (in life, too!). Building a network of people at work or in your profession is absolutely essential to building a career. You should have a mix of people: people who are high up in the company, people who are colleagues, and those who are more junior—also people at other companies who can make you aware of opportunities that come up outside of your bubble. Machiavelli preached the importance of a network hard. The smart prince, he writes, “is defended by being well armed and having good allies” (Chapter XIX). Having a strong network is essential to rising in any profession. Wall Street CEO Sallie Krawcheck says she always remembers advice she got from her friend Carla Harris (a senior banker at Morgan Stanley): “All the important decisions about your career are made when you’re not in the room. People decide to hire you, fire you, promote you, fund you, send you on the overseas assignment, all when you’re not there. So how do you ensure that you have someone in the room fighting for you? I would strongly argue that you need to have in place your Personal Board of Directors. Those are your mentors, your sponsors, your confidantes.”
#3 — Stand Up for the Less Powerful
This might sound like the antithesis of Machiavelli. After all, shouldn’t you suck up to powerful people and mercilessly crush those who have less power? I mean, NO OF COURSE YOU SHOULD NOT DO THAT! But, also, Machiavelli advised against it.
One of Machiavelli’s main pieces of advice in a situation where you don’t have a lot of power is to stick up for other people who also don’t have much power. “The prince,” he writes, “ought to make himself the head and defender of his less powerful neighbors, and to weaken the more powerful amongst them.” The reason? Not only are you weakening the powers that be and creating a potential opening for yourself, but also the people you speak up for will be loyal to you and will fight for you and your ideas in the future. As Machiavelli puts it, “By arming them, those arms become yours” (Chapter XX).
In fact, Machiavelli advises against speaking up on behalf of people who have more power than you. Don’t jump in if the boss gets interrupted by the intern in a meeting. The benefits of smacking down the intern are minimal, and you risk being seen as a suck-up and a bully. Also, your soul would probably die a little, and that’s never good.
#4 — If It Comes Down to Being Liked or Respected… Choose Respect
This is a situation that happens to women at work a lot. Often, women in the workplace end up in a double bind: caught between qualities people associate with a “good woman” (being modest, compassionate, putting others first, soft-spoken, nurturing) and the qualities people associate with a good leader (being independent, firm, outspoken, assertive, not caring too much what people think).
Machiavelli addresses this particular bind many times in The Prince. As it turns out, the prince is in a similar situation: it’s crucial that he be loved by his people, but the prince also needs people to fear his wrath, follow his laws, and, of course, pay his taxes. “Here comes in the question whether it is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved. . . . We should wish to be both; but . . . if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved” (Chapter XVII).
Still, this approach comes with real consequences, especially for women. Where harsh or domineering men might be respected or tolerated in leadership positions, people often react very differently to an assertive or domineering woman. But sometimes getting the job done correctly involves being blunt, direct, and assertive. It might not be easy, and you will likely get pushback, but do it.
#5 — Watch Your Back
I can’t talk about Machiavelli without addressing some of the advice he gives about guarding yourself against nemeses. Machiavelli wrote a LOT about nemeses in The Prince. He thought the ability to spot troublemakers and toxic people was crucial for a prince: “The ruler is not truly wise who cannot discern evils before they develop themselves, and this is a faculty given to few” (Chapter XIII). Truly, it is not always easy to spot a troublemaker or a toxic person. But Machiavelli does point out a couple of things to watch for.
Beware the flatterer: Machiavelli saw flatterers as very dangerous to a prince. He even has an entire chapter in The Prince titled, “How Flatterers Should Be Avoided” (Chapter XXIII). This is not to say that if somebody compliments your work, you should respond with grave suspicion. But flattery can often be used to manipulate people, so make sure that’s not happening to you.
Beware the Debbie Downer: If someone you work with is extremely negative, it’s probably a good idea to keep your distance and to be careful what you say to them. “As soon as you have opened your mind to a malcontent,” Machiavelli warns, “you have given him the material with which . . . he can look for every advantage” (Chapter XIX).
#6 — Avoiding Risk Is Risky — When in Doubt, Take Action
Asking for a raise or a promotion or applying for a new job or launching a new project requires enormous risk and vulnerability. Wanting to avoid that risk and the possibility of rejection is a big reason people (especially, statistically, women) shy away from negotiating or asking for more. But avoiding risk and waiting for “the perfect moment” is not a safe choice.
Machiavelli’s advice: when in doubt, take action. This advice probably came from his own frustration with the Florentine council’s constant waffling (they were his bosses). They never wanted to choose sides in the countless skirmishes and battles going on around them. It was, in fact, partially due to that very waffling that Florence lost its republican government and ended up back in the hands of a despot.
“I know that many say a policy of neutrality is the safest option,” he wrote in a letter to a friend. “I believe to the contrary that neutrality is an exceedingly dangerous path.” And for a prince, Machiavelli declares that waffling will lead “in most instances to their destruction” (Chapter XXI).
#7 — Embrace the Struggles that Arise; They Are Setting You Up for Success
The professional world can be incredibly difficult and unfair, especially for women and other marginalized workers. It can involve an incredible amount of perseverance and struggle. That’s not okay or fair, but it does offer its own kind of gift. Machiavelli observed that princes who had to struggle for their kingdoms actually did better in the long run than the princes who had everything handed to them. “They who . . . acquire with difficulty . . . keep with ease” (Chapter VI).
That might sound trite or saccharine, but Machiavelli was neither of those things, and he felt so strongly about the value of overcoming difficulties in helping to shape a prince, he has a rare Zen moment in The Prince of the “Things happen for me not to me” variety. “Fortune,” he writes, “especially when she desires to make a new prince great . . . causes enemies to arise and form designs against him, in order that he may have the opportunity of overcoming them. . . . Princes become great by vanquishing difficulties and opposition” (Chapter XX).
###
Excerpted with permission from Machiavelli for Women: Defend Your Worth, Grow Your Ambition, and Win the Workplace.
August 25, 2021
Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Love (#529)
Illustration via 99designs“When we’re safe and secure and we feel we matter to others and that they have our back, our potential and our resources come out.”
— Dr. Sue Johnson
Dr. Sue Johnson (@Dr_SueJohnson) is a leading innovator in the fields of couple therapy and adult attachment. She is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy (EFT), which has demonstrated its effectiveness in over 30 years of peer-reviewed clinical research. Sue has received numerous awards in recognition of her development of EFT, including the American Psychological Association’s “Family Psychologist of the Year” and the Order of Canada.
Her best-selling book Hold Me Tight — with more than one million copies sold—has taught countless couples how to enhance and repair their love relationships. The book has since been developed into a relationship enhancement program called Hold Me Tight Online. Her most recent book for clinicians, Attachment Theory in Practice, delineates the promise of attachment science for understanding and repairing relationships.
As the founding director of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT), Sue trains counselors in EFT worldwide and provides guidance to 80 affiliated centers. She consults for the US and Canadian militaries and is a popular presenter and speaker for the general public.
Please enjoy!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Brought to you by Laird Superfood plant-based creamers, Headspace easy-to-use app with guided meditations, and Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover sleeping solution for dynamic cooling and heating. More on all three below.
The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.
Listen onApple Podcasts[image error]Listen onSpotify[image error]Listen onOvercast#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson — How to Improve Sex and Crack the Code of Lovehttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/8fa83b33-fa88-4d1e-8a26-b47953378a17.mp3DownloadThis episode is brought to you by Laird Superfood. Founded by big-wave surfer Laird Hamilton and volleyball champion Gabby Reece, Laird Superfood promises to deliver high-impact fuel to help you get through your busiest days. Laird Superfood offers a line of plant-based products designed to optimize your daily rituals from sunrise to sunset.
My two favorite products are their Turmeric Superfood Creamer and Unsweetened Superfood Creamer. I put one of them in practically everything. Both can really optimize your daily coffee or tea ritual, and a $10 bag will last you a long time. For a limited time, Laird Superfood is offering you guys 20% off your order when you use code TIM20 at checkout. Check out LairdSuperfood.com/Tim to see my favorite products and learn more.
This episode is brought to you by Eight Sleep! Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover is the easiest and fastest way to sleep at the perfect temperature. It pairs dynamic cooling and heating with biometric tracking to offer the most advanced (and user-friendly) solution on the market. Simply add the Pod Pro Cover to your current mattress and start sleeping as cool as 55°F or as hot as 110°F. It also splits your bed in half, so your partner can choose a totally different temperature.
And now, my dear listeners—that’s you—can get $250 off the Pod Pro Cover. Simply go to EightSleep.com/Tim or use code TIM.
This episode is brought to you by Headspace! Headspace is your daily dose of mindfulness in the form of guided meditations in an easy-to-use app. Whatever the situation, Headspace can help you feel better. Overwhelmed? Headspace has a 3-minute SOS meditation for you. Need some help falling asleep? Headspace has wind-down sessions their members swear by. And for parents, Headspace even has morning meditations you can do with your kids. Headspace’s approach to mindfulness can reduce stress, improve sleep, boost focus, and increase your overall sense of well-being.
Go to Headspace.com/Tim for a FREE one-month trial with access to Headspace’s full library of meditations for every situation.
What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
SCROLL BELOW FOR LINKS AND SHOW NOTES…
Want to hear another episode with someone who seeks to help people better connect? Listen in on my last conversation with psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel, in which we discussed conducting remote therapy with couples during quarantine, coping with uncertainty, the paradoxes presented by spending more time with the family, prompts for reconnecting with old friends and colleagues, dancing versus exercise, the importance of decompressing from too much bad news, and much more.
#418: Esther Perel — Tactics for Relationships in Quarantinehttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/dfa1e990-f375-4a65-bbd4-7e84311e0d61.mp3DownloadSELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODEConnect with Dr. Sue Johnson:Website | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | YouTube | LinkedIn
Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families by Dr. Sue Johnson | AmazonHold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson | AmazonHold Me Tight Online ProgramWhat is EFT? | The International Centre For Excellence In Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)Outcomes Research | Johns Hopkins MedicineAt the Heart of Health | CardusWhat Is a Milonga? | Argentine TangoHow to Live Like a Rock Star (or Tango Star) in Buenos Aires… | Tim FerrissPredicting Change in Marital Satisfaction Throughout Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy | Journal of Marital and Family TherapyHamilton Depression Rating Scale (HDRS) | UF HealthClinician-Administered PTSD Scale for DSM-5 (CAPS-5) – PTSD | National Center for PTSDLove Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships by Dr. Sue Johnson | AmazonDyadic Adjustment Scale (DAS) | Fetzer InstituteBeck’s Depression Inventory | ISMAExperiences in Close Relationships Scale (ESR) | Open-Source Psychometrics ProjectA Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research | University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Department of PsychologySoothing the Threatened Brain: Leveraging Contact Comfort with Emotionally Focused Therapy | PloS OneWhat is Hold Me Tight? | ICEEFTMy Healing Journey After Childhood Abuse (Includes Extensive Resource List) | The Tim Ferriss Show #464Desperado by Eagles | AmazonAttachment Parenting Basic Principles and Criticisms | Verywell FamilySleep Training Your Child: Myths and Facts Every Parent Should Know | Duke Department of PediatricsImplementing a Student-Sustained No One Dies Alone (NODA) Program at an Academic Institution | Center to Advance Palliative CareIn Pictures: Politician Mothers Take Their Babies to Work | BBC NewsNew Zealand Speaker Cradles MP’s Baby during Parliament Debate | BBC NewsStroppy | Merriam-WebsterAn Introduction to Rogerian (Person-Centered) Therapy | ThoughtCo.Ten Strategies for Evoking Change Talk | UIHIMindful Somatic Psychotherapy | Hakomi InstituteThe Last Lion Box Set: Winston Spencer Churchill, 1874 – 1965 by Paul Reid and William Manchester | AmazonWhat Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry | AmazonHow Winston Churchill Endured the Blitz — and Taught the People of England to Do the Same | Smithsonian MagazineWinston Churchill during the First World War in Belgium | Imperial War MuseumsTango | WikipediaTango World Record: Tim Ferriss and Alicia Monti | Live with Regis and KellyLos Hermanos Macana | YouTubeRequiem for a Niño Bien | The Tango LifeThe Cathedral of Tango: Review of Sunderland Club, Buenos Aires, Argentina | Trip AdvisorThe Swan Mating Ritual | Destination StratfordUnconscious Desire: The Affective and Motivational Aspects of Subliminal Sexual Priming | Archives of Sexual BehaviorThe Misunderstood Science of Sexual Desire | New York MagazineA.R.E. You There? What Is the Secret Ingredient That Makes a Relationship Thrive? | Ondina WellnessSexuality in Older Couples: Individual and Dyadic Characteristics | Archives of Sexual BehaviorSHOW NOTESWhat peer-reviewed clinical research supports Sue’s work? [06:25]EFT has a high success rate in studies with distressed couples. How is success clinically defined for these couples? [09:33]What scales are used to assess marital satisfaction and bond, and how has this played out in research? [13:33]What is a hold me tight conversation? [19:41]Examples of how hold me tight conversations can take shape. [21:01]How a hold me tight conversation might work for someone who has a tendency to isolate (or feels isolated). [32:01]On just how common such isolation is, and how “dependency” has become such a dirty word. [40:17]Attachment parenting vs. sleep training. [44:36]What are micro-interventions from Rogerian models of therapy (aka evocative questions)? [54:18]How does Sue respond to a client who can’t really answer how they’re feeling in their body? [1:02:47]How would someone “up the ante” in the context of a hold me tight conversation, and why does it usually have the opposite of its intended effect? [1:09:41]How does Sue help someone work through anger? [1:11:35]Why Sue is fascinated by Winston Churchill, and reading she recommends for someone who wants to know more about him. [1:15:02]Tango talk. Since it famously takes two to tango, what kind of arguments do tango couples get into? [1:20:33]How would Sue advise a couple who’s very much in love but their sexual spark has faded? [1:33:44]Advice for a couple in which the woman has a more sustained sex drive than the man. [1:43:11]What brought about the development of Sue’s Hold Me Tight Online program, and what can people expect from it? [1:48:44]Parting thoughts. [1:53:17]MORE DR. SUE JOHNSON QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW“Love is an ancient, wired-in survival code.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“If you can’t find comfort in the arms of another to heal from trauma, it’s bad news.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“What attachment science tells us is that emotional isolation is toxic for human beings. We found out that in the pandemic, but we still don’t get it.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Once you feel seen, accepted, and held, there’s a natural human growth process that happens.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“The way human beings have survived through the centuries is through tuning in to others, reading their cues, collaborating, cooperating, moving close, supporting—that’s the way we’ve survived. And if you look at the problems facing our world right now, we’d better be learning from this science or we’re not going to survive. We’ve got to be able to come together.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Shutting down and numbing out is a fragile strategy you can’t keep up for your whole life. It shatters under any kind of pressure.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Parenting is a moving target. You accommodate your child, then your child changes.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“We understand that to be emotionally alone traumatizes a child. We need to apply that to adults because in that sense, we never grow up. Attachment goes from the cradle to the grave.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Some of the cliches we have about love are really awful misinformation. But one of the cliches that’s really true—and this is true in most religions—is that when we’re loved, we grow and expand.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Attachment gives us a map to how we dance together with the people we love and where those dances go in terms of outcome. It gives us a map to our own vulnerabilities and emotions. It tells us how supremely sensitive we are to signals of rejection or abandonment by other people, and that this sensitivity is wired in.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“We all know on some deep, visceral level how much we need others, and the strongest among us can accept that and learn how to connect.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Tango is about attunement, and so is love.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“In the end, what none of us can bear is the feeling that we’re alone and that we don’t matter to another human being.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Passion is about feeling safe enough to be completely absorbed in the experience and let it take you over. Passion is about full engagement.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“It’s very hard to be open and physiologically responsive when you’re afraid and guarding yourself all the time.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
PEOPLE MENTIONEDJames CoanJohn BowlbyCarl RogersWinston ChurchillOprah WinfreyBruce D. PerryOmri GillathRosemary BassonJames S. ChisholmEdward O. LaumannIconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson on How to Improve Sex, Shape Love, Face Dragons, and Find Comfort in the Arms of Another (#529)
Illustration via 99designs“When we’re safe and secure and we feel we matter to others and that they have our back, our potential and our resources come out.”
— Dr. Sue Johnson
Dr. Sue Johnson (@Dr_SueJohnson) is a leading innovator in the fields of couple therapy and adult attachment. She is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy (EFT), which has demonstrated its effectiveness in over 30 years of peer-reviewed clinical research. Sue has received numerous awards in recognition of her development of EFT, including the American Psychological Association’s “Family Psychologist of the Year” and the Order of Canada.
Her best-selling book Hold Me Tight — with more than one million copies sold—has taught countless couples how to enhance and repair their love relationships. The book has since been developed into a relationship enhancement program called Hold Me Tight Online. Her most recent book for clinicians, Attachment Theory in Practice, delineates the promise of attachment science for understanding and repairing relationships.
As the founding director of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT), Sue trains counselors in EFT worldwide and provides guidance to 80 affiliated centers. She consults for the US and Canadian militaries and is a popular presenter and speaker for the general public.
Please enjoy!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Brought to you by Laird Superfood plant-based creamers, Headspace easy-to-use app with guided meditations, and Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover sleeping solution for dynamic cooling and heating. More on all three below.
Listen onApple Podcasts[image error]Listen onSpotify[image error]Listen onOvercast#529: Iconic Therapist Dr. Sue Johnson on How to Improve Sex, Shape Love, Face Dragons, and Find Comfort in the Arms of Anotherhttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/8fa83b33-fa88-4d1e-8a26-b47953378a17.mp3DownloadThis episode is brought to you by Laird Superfood. Founded by big-wave surfer Laird Hamilton and volleyball champion Gabby Reece, Laird Superfood promises to deliver high-impact fuel to help you get through your busiest days. Laird Superfood offers a line of plant-based products designed to optimize your daily rituals from sunrise to sunset.
My two favorite products are their Turmeric Superfood Creamer and Unsweetened Superfood Creamer. I put one of them in practically everything. Both can really optimize your daily coffee or tea ritual, and a $10 bag will last you a long time. For a limited time, Laird Superfood is offering you guys 20% off your order when you use code TIM20 at checkout. Check out LairdSuperfood.com/Tim to see my favorite products and learn more.
This episode is brought to you by Eight Sleep! Eight Sleep’s Pod Pro Cover is the easiest and fastest way to sleep at the perfect temperature. It pairs dynamic cooling and heating with biometric tracking to offer the most advanced (and user-friendly) solution on the market. Simply add the Pod Pro Cover to your current mattress and start sleeping as cool as 55°F or as hot as 110°F. It also splits your bed in half, so your partner can choose a totally different temperature.
And now, my dear listeners—that’s you—can get $250 off the Pod Pro Cover. Simply go to EightSleep.com/Tim or use code TIM.
This episode is brought to you by Headspace! Headspace is your daily dose of mindfulness in the form of guided meditations in an easy-to-use app. Whatever the situation, Headspace can help you feel better. Overwhelmed? Headspace has a 3-minute SOS meditation for you. Need some help falling asleep? Headspace has wind-down sessions their members swear by. And for parents, Headspace even has morning meditations you can do with your kids. Headspace’s approach to mindfulness can reduce stress, improve sleep, boost focus, and increase your overall sense of well-being.
Go to Headspace.com/Tim for a FREE one-month trial with access to Headspace’s full library of meditations for every situation.
What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
SCROLL BELOW FOR LINKS AND SHOW NOTES…
Want to hear another episode with someone who seeks to help people better connect? Listen in on my last conversation with psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel, in which we discussed conducting remote therapy with couples during quarantine, coping with uncertainty, the paradoxes presented by spending more time with the family, prompts for reconnecting with old friends and colleagues, dancing versus exercise, the importance of decompressing from too much bad news, and much more.
#418: Esther Perel — Tactics for Relationships in Quarantinehttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/dfa1e990-f375-4a65-bbd4-7e84311e0d61.mp3DownloadSELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODEConnect with Dr. Sue Johnson:Website | Twitter | Facebook | Instagram | YouTube | LinkedIn
Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families by Dr. Sue Johnson | AmazonHold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson | AmazonHold Me Tight Online ProgramWhat is EFT? | The International Centre For Excellence In Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)Outcomes Research | Johns Hopkins MedicineAt the Heart of Health | CardusWhat Is a Milonga? | Argentine TangoHow to Live Like a Rock Star (or Tango Star) in Buenos Aires… | Tim FerrissPredicting Change in Marital Satisfaction Throughout Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy | Journal of Marital and Family TherapyHamilton Depression Rating Scale (HDRS) | UF HealthClinician-Administered PTSD Scale for DSM-5 (CAPS-5) – PTSD | National Center for PTSDLove Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships by Dr. Sue Johnson | AmazonDyadic Adjustment Scale (DAS) | Fetzer InstituteBeck’s Depression Inventory | ISMAExperiences in Close Relationships Scale (ESR) | Open-Source Psychometrics ProjectA Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research | University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Department of PsychologySoothing the Threatened Brain: Leveraging Contact Comfort with Emotionally Focused Therapy | PloS OneWhat is Hold Me Tight? | ICEEFTMy Healing Journey After Childhood Abuse (Includes Extensive Resource List) | The Tim Ferriss Show #464Desperado by Eagles | AmazonAttachment Parenting Basic Principles and Criticisms | Verywell FamilySleep Training Your Child: Myths and Facts Every Parent Should Know | Duke Department of PediatricsImplementing a Student-Sustained No One Dies Alone (NODA) Program at an Academic Institution | Center to Advance Palliative CareIn Pictures: Politician Mothers Take Their Babies to Work | BBC NewsNew Zealand Speaker Cradles MP’s Baby during Parliament Debate | BBC NewsStroppy | Merriam-WebsterAn Introduction to Rogerian (Person-Centered) Therapy | ThoughtCo.Ten Strategies for Evoking Change Talk | UIHIMindful Somatic Psychotherapy | Hakomi InstituteThe Last Lion Box Set: Winston Spencer Churchill, 1874 – 1965 by Paul Reid and William Manchester | AmazonWhat Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry | AmazonHow Winston Churchill Endured the Blitz — and Taught the People of England to Do the Same | Smithsonian MagazineWinston Churchill during the First World War in Belgium | Imperial War MuseumsTango | WikipediaTango World Record: Tim Ferriss and Alicia Monti | Live with Regis and KellyLos Hermanos Macana | YouTubeRequiem for a Niño Bien | The Tango LifeThe Cathedral of Tango: Review of Sunderland Club, Buenos Aires, Argentina | Trip AdvisorThe Swan Mating Ritual | Destination StratfordUnconscious Desire: The Affective and Motivational Aspects of Subliminal Sexual Priming | Archives of Sexual BehaviorThe Misunderstood Science of Sexual Desire | New York MagazineA.R.E. You There? What Is the Secret Ingredient That Makes a Relationship Thrive? | Ondina WellnessSexuality in Older Couples: Individual and Dyadic Characteristics | Archives of Sexual BehaviorSHOW NOTESWhat peer-reviewed clinical research supports Sue’s work? [06:25]EFT has a high success rate in studies with distressed couples. How is success clinically defined for these couples? [09:33]What scales are used to assess marital satisfaction and bond, and how has this played out in research? [13:33]What is a hold me tight conversation? [19:41]Examples of how hold me tight conversations can take shape. [21:01]How a hold me tight conversation might work for someone who has a tendency to isolate (or feels isolated). [32:01]On just how common such isolation is, and how “dependency” has become such a dirty word. [40:17]Attachment parenting vs. sleep training. [44:36]What are micro-interventions from Rogerian models of therapy (aka evocative questions)? [54:18]How does Sue respond to a client who can’t really answer how they’re feeling in their body? [1:02:47]How would someone “up the ante” in the context of a hold me tight conversation, and why does it usually have the opposite of its intended effect? [1:09:41]How does Sue help someone work through anger? [1:11:35]Why Sue is fascinated by Winston Churchill, and reading she recommends for someone who wants to know more about him. [1:15:02]Tango talk. Since it famously takes two to tango, what kind of arguments do tango couples get into? [1:20:33]How would Sue advise a couple who’s very much in love but their sexual spark has faded? [1:33:44]Advice for a couple in which the woman has a more sustained sex drive than the man. [1:43:11]What brought about the development of Sue’s Hold Me Tight Online program, and what can people expect from it? [1:48:44]Parting thoughts. [1:53:17]MORE DR. SUE JOHNSON QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW“Love is an ancient, wired-in survival code.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“If you can’t find comfort in the arms of another to heal from trauma, it’s bad news.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“What attachment science tells us is that emotional isolation is toxic for human beings. We found out that in the pandemic, but we still don’t get it.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Once you feel seen, accepted, and held, there’s a natural human growth process that happens.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“The way human beings have survived through the centuries is through tuning in to others, reading their cues, collaborating, cooperating, moving close, supporting—that’s the way we’ve survived. And if you look at the problems facing our world right now, we’d better be learning from this science or we’re not going to survive. We’ve got to be able to come together.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Shutting down and numbing out is a fragile strategy you can’t keep up for your whole life. It shatters under any kind of pressure.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Parenting is a moving target. You accommodate your child, then your child changes.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“We understand that to be emotionally alone traumatizes a child. We need to apply that to adults because in that sense, we never grow up. Attachment goes from the cradle to the grave.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Some of the cliches we have about love are really awful misinformation. But one of the cliches that’s really true—and this is true in most religions—is that when we’re loved, we grow and expand.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Attachment gives us a map to how we dance together with the people we love and where those dances go in terms of outcome. It gives us a map to our own vulnerabilities and emotions. It tells us how supremely sensitive we are to signals of rejection or abandonment by other people, and that this sensitivity is wired in.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“We all know on some deep, visceral level how much we need others, and the strongest among us can accept that and learn how to connect.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Tango is about attunement, and so is love.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“In the end, what none of us can bear is the feeling that we’re alone and that we don’t matter to another human being.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“Passion is about feeling safe enough to be completely absorbed in the experience and let it take you over. Passion is about full engagement.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
“It’s very hard to be open and physiologically responsive when you’re afraid and guarding yourself all the time.” — Dr. Sue Johnson
PEOPLE MENTIONEDJames CoanJohn BowlbyCarl RogersWinston ChurchillOprah WinfreyBruce D. PerryOmri GillathRosemary BassonJames S. ChisholmEdward O. LaumannAugust 24, 2021
Jimmy Wales, Founder of Wikipedia, on Homeschooling, Atheism, Understanding Financial Markets, Ayn Rand, Favorite Books, and More (#528)
Illustration via 99designs“Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet is given free access to the sum of all human knowledge.”
— Jimmy Wales
Internet and technology entrepreneur Jimmy Wales (@jimmy_wales) is founder of the online nonprofit encyclopedia Wikipedia and cofounder of the privately owned Wikia, Inc., including its entertainment media brand Fandom, powered by Wikia. Jimmy serves on the board of trustees of the Wikimedia Foundation, the nonprofit charitable organization he established to operate Wikipedia.
In 2019, Jimmy launched WT Social—a news-focused social network. In 2006, Jimmy was named to Time magazine’s list of the 100 most influential people in the world for his role in creating Wikipedia.
In 2021, inspired by his family quiz nights during COVID-19 lockdown, Jimmy created Quiz Night Beyond—a website where people can create and play quizzes online with family and friends wherever they may be.
Please enjoy!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Brought to you by You Need A Budget cult favorite budgeting app, Athletic Greens all-in-one nutritional supplement, and Helix Sleep premium mattresses. More on all three below.
The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.
Listen onApple Podcasts[image error]Listen onSpotify[image error]Listen onOvercast#528: Jimmy Wales, Founder of Wikipedia, on Homeschooling, Atheism, Understanding Financial Markets, Ayn Rand, Favorite Books, and Morehttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/17312654-5182-43fc-bc83-9f707e9b9f57.mp3DownloadThis episode is brought to you by Athletic Greens. I get asked all the time, “If you could only use one supplement, what would it be?” My answer is usually Athletic Greens, my all-in-one nutritional insurance. I recommended it in The 4-Hour Body in 2010 and did not get paid to do so. I do my best with nutrient-dense meals, of course, but AG further covers my bases with vitamins, minerals, and whole-food-sourced micronutrients that support gut health and the immune system.
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What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
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Want to hear an episode with someone who might be as optimistic as Jimmy Wales? Listen in on my conversation with venture capitalist Mike Maples, Jr., the man who taught me to invest. We discussed anti-authoritarian disruption technology, parenting advice, acting simple, investment advice, how cryptocurrency helps separate politics from economics, a 60-second idea for changing the world, lessons for aspiring entrepreneurs, the pointlessness of holding grudges, and much more.
#286: The Man Who Taught Me How to Invest — Mike Mapleshttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/a37b219c-ddc8-412e-a344-3aae64dee746.mp3DownloadSELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODEConnect with Jimmy Wales:Website | Twitter | Facebook | WT.social
Quiz Night Beyond The Free Encyclopedia | WikipediaWikimedia FoundationFandomUS Space & Rocket Center | Huntsville, ALAmerican Montessori SocietyThe United Methodist ChurchPascal’s Wager | Stanford Encyclopedia of PhilosophyWinnebago Industries: 37-Year Stock Price History | MacroTrendsApple: 41-Year Stock Price History | MacroTrendsCompound Interest Calculator | Investor.govFAANG Stocks | InvestopediaWarren Buffett and His 20 Punches | The Motley FoolObjectivism | WikipediaThe Fountainhead by Ayn Rand | AmazonUsenet | WikipediaThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey | AmazonGetting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity by David Allen | AmazonYour Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez | AmazonThe 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Tim Ferriss | AmazonLondon Interbank Offered Rate (LIBOR) | InvestopediaNetscape Navigator | WikipediaBomis | WikipediaSlashdotNupedia | WikipediaAutotraderWall Street Is Banking Billions on the Food Delivery Boom | CisionWhy Smart Startups Fail Their Way to Success | Inc.The Top 500 Sites on the Web | AlexaIf You Build It, He Will Come | Field of DreamsSubprime Mortgage Crisis | Federal Reserve HistoryMosaic (Web Browser) | WikipediaWhat We Know and Can Agree On: Wikipedia at 20 | Esquire UKHamlet by William Shakespeare | WikisourceWikipedia Embraces First-of-Its Kind Universal Code of Conduct, Conceived For The New Internet Era | Wikimedia Foundation8 Fascinating Facts About the Playful-Looking Roly-Poly | TreehuggerSome Practical Thoughts on Suicide | Tim FerrissWebRTCSHOW NOTESWhere did Jimmy grow up, and what did his family life and education look like in the early days? [05:22]How did Jimmy’s free-range schooling inform how he thinks about education for his own children? [09:12]How might a parent prepare to homeschool a curious kid who might be too far ahead of the curve for a traditional education? [10:41]Why Jimmy would label himself more as a non-believer than an atheist, and how he came to a point of religious disbelief after being raised Methodist and carrying out a flawed experiment involving Santa Claus and G.I. Joe. [12:13]What did Jimmy aspire to be when he was growing up? [17:08]What was it that compelled Jimmy to study finance and markets? [18:37]Were there any investors who Jimmy looked up to at this time? What influenced the way he built his portfolio in these early years?What wisdom about building a portfolio does Jimmy wish he understood when he was younger, and what investor could have imparted such wisdom? [20:01]When and how did Jimmy’s interest in Objectivism enter into the picture, what does he see as the most common myths and misconceptions about its creator, Ayn Rand? [22:18]Whether or not you agree with the points Ayn Rand (or anyone) is trying to make, Jimmy considers critically thinking them through — rather than just picking a side based on a knee-jerk impression — to be the important thing. [24:46]How Usenet was hijacked by its own design, why Twitter succumbs to many of the same problems, and how Jimmy hoped Wikipedia could be designed as a vehicle for healthier human discourse. [26:42]Recommended reading. [32:30]How did Jimmy go from finance and markets to founding companies? [36:14]When was Jimmy able to leave his finance job behind and dive fully into entrepreneurial endeavors? What made this possible? [42:04]How was Jimmy’s company discovered by a major television network, and how was their symbiotic deal established? [47:24]With a lot of great ideas but only a limited number of resources, how did Jimmy choose what shots to take when setting out in the world of tech startups during the dotcom boom? [50:35]When the deal fell through, was Jimmy’s company able to use the momentum it had built, or did it have to start from scratch in altering course? What sacrifices had to be made in order to weather the storm, and how did these hardships affect the direction taken by the nascent Wikipedia? [54:06]Why did Wikipedia thrive while Nupedia became an internet footnote? [1:00:30]How did Jimmy first come across the wiki software that would provide the building blocks for Wikipedia? [1:05:22]What were some of the early decisions that made Wikipedia catch in its first few months? [1:07:37]Were there any significant mistakes made in the early days of Wikipedia that either ended up needing to be fixed or that, like a vestigial tail, have remained in the system? [1:11:42]The Steak Knives Analogy: why it’s better to design for the benefit of nice people rather than for the deterrence of bad people. [1:16:57]What motivates great Wikipedia contributors, and how are they kept happy? [1:20:25]What organizational decisions aim to cultivate a positive contributor culture? [1:22:19]Has Jimmy always been a self-described “pathological optimist,” or was it something he had to work at? [1:00:00]Does Jimmy have any practices to help him stay the course of optimism if he loses his way? [1:28:23]Aside from Wikipedia, what other projects occupy Jimmy’s time at present? What’s the inspiration and purpose behind his new Quiz Night Beyond website?[1:30:25]What would Jimmy’s billboard say? [1:40:35]Parting thoughts. [1:42:06]MORE JIMMY WALES QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW“Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet is given free access to the sum of all human knowledge.” — Jimmy Wales
“You wouldn’t know it from watching TV debates or going on Twitter, but most people are pretty reasonable and will say, ‘Look, I disagree with this, but it should be presented in a fair way that the defenders of it would identify.'” — Jimmy Wales
“I’m a pathological optimist, so I always think everything’s going to be great. That’s not correct, by the way; everything is not always going to be great. But that’s the way I feel and approach things.” — Jimmy Wales
“If you design for the worst people, then you’re failing design for good people.” — Jimmy Wales
“A great Wikipedian, in my view, is someone who really takes seriously the values and ideas of Wikipedia, like neutrality for example, quality for example, reliable sources. And they take all those things as more important than any particular, say, political opinion they might have.” — Jimmy Wales
“We’ve got a lot of problems on this planet. We need as many smart, educated people to figure them out as we possibly can.” — Jimmy Wales
“Try not to be a troll on the internet.” — Jimmy Wales
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Stitcher, Castbox, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform.
PEOPLE MENTIONEDAbraham LincolnKira Namiko WalesHarry PotterMadalyn Murray O’HairSanta ClausG.I. JoeBlaise PascalElon MuskWarren BuffettHoward MarksAyn RandStephen CoveyTim ShellMichael DavisPamela AndersonJack MaRobert K. MertonTim Berners-LeeJeremy RosenfeldWard CunninghamWiki | WikipediaDonald TrumpEeyoreOrit Kopel
