Jeff Strand's Blog, page 83

Update on Writing Stuff (September 11th edition)

I’m still working on my novel Kumquat. Gettin’ really really close to the end, although it’s going to need another full pass before I’m ready to send it off to my mighty test readers. 

I wrote the afterword to the first part of Joe and Talon Konrath’s serial YA zombie novel Grandma?, though of course I’ve already posted about that, and you’ve already bought it. 

Did some edits for “Bath Time!” a short story that’ll appear in The Horror Library, Volume 5. 

And I started writing down notes for a new horror/suspense novel…but Wolf Hunt 2 is ahead of it in line…

 

 

You Don’t Need A Kindle…

You may be thinking to yourself, “Well, Jeff, it’s nice that your uproariously funny zombie novel The Sinister Mr. Corpse is free until Saturday, September 14th, but that doesn’t do ME a lick of good because I don’t own a Kindle! And though the Kindle is a pretty sweet device, I’m not going to buy one just to read your damn book. No offense.”

No offense taken. But you don’t NEED a Kindle! You can download an absolutely free Kindle app to your mobile device and read The Sinister Mr. Corpse from the comfort of your own phone. 

“But I own a Nook and/or Sony Reader and/or something else!” you may be screaming. “What about me?”

Well, The Sinister Mr. Corpse: Kindle Edition does not have DRM (Digital Rights Management) enabled, which means that though I COULD be all like “Aaah! Aaah! They’re gonna pirate it! They’re gonna pirate it!”, I’m not. Which means that you can convert the Kindle file to the format of your choosing. Just check out the following article:

http://www.epubsoft.com/how-to-convert-kindle-azw-to-epub-format.html

Yes, it requires a few steps, but, hey, The Sinister Mr. Corpse is free! 

 

The Sinister Mr. Corpse…FREE!

It’s hard to imagine a better value than my novel The Sinister Mr. Corpse, which usually sells for a mere $2.99. But from Tuesday, September 10th through Saturday, September 14th, The Sinister Mr. Corpse will not be $2.99, nor will it be $1.99, nor will it even sell for the mind-bogglingly low price of 99 cents. If I got such a fine zombie comedy for less than a dollar, I’d be plagued with feelings of guilt until my dying day, but, for five magical days, the Kindle edition will be FREE!

“Bulls**t!” you’re probably shouting. “Mr. Corpse for free? Why, that’s crazy talk!”

And yet it is true. So download away! Tell your friends to download away! Tell your friends’ friends to download away, or have your friends tell their friends for you to save time! This offer won’t last forever (see paragraph #1 above).

Get your copy RIGHT HERE.

Notice that the cover is a little different? Lynne Hansen tweaked it.

Grandma?

From an early age, I promised myself that if Joe Konrath ever wrote the first part of a YA serial zombie novel with his son and asked me to write the afterword, I would say, “No way, dude. Bite me.”

Finally, that day arrived. And I stared Joe right in the e-mail and said, “Sure!” Because I remembered that he’s my meal ticket. 

So, Joe and 15-year-old Talon Konrath present Grandma?, the action-packed, funny first part of a serial novel. Afterword by me. 99 cents. 

Get it right here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00F1QE26Q

 

Treadmill Flicks, Episode 2

My next movie whilst working to keep my svelte figure was Kill List. For the first hour, it’s a British crime flick with a nice dose of dark humor. For the last half-hour, it’s still British, but…well, I’m not going to spoil anything, but if you say “I knew exactly where that film was headed!” you’re a damned dirty liar.

I have to admit that my reaction was less “I admire the way this film has subverted my expectations!” than “WTF?” but still, I recommend it. 3.5 stars out of 5 on Netflix. (Which, incidentally, is what Netflix SAID I’d rate it. Netflix is creepy.)

I also watched Safety Not Guaranteed, though not while on the treadmill. An absolutely wonderful movie.

I’m halfway through my next treadmill flick: Oldboy, which so far is beyond awesome.

Treadmill Flicks, Episode 1

I’ve been using my treadmill, but for short periods of time at high speeds, which is not conducive to movie-watching. So it took me MONTHS to finally watch the last couple of minutes of The Human Centipede Part 2. I could have watched the end without being on the treadmill, but the movie is a piece of crap that does wrong everything the original did right, and I had no investment in the outcome. 

(Yes, I loved The Human Centipede. It was inventive, genuinely suspenseful, and gave you reason to care if they were going to get out of this insane predicament. Whereas the sequel is “Ooooohhhh, look how gross and nasty and vile we can be!!!”)

Yesterday and today I watched High Lane, a French thriller. Five friends go on a mountain climbing trip…and get more than they bargained for! There’s nothing remotely original here, but it’s very well-done, and I’m sad to say that these days my standards for horror/suspense filmmaking have dropped to “Oh my God! The camera remained still for more than two seconds! This is awesome!”

Four stars out of five on Netflix. Next up: either Oldboy or Kill List. 

Update on Writing Stuff (August 28th edition)

Still working on my novel Kumquat, which is 99% certain not to be called Kumquat when I send it to my agent. I’d hoped to have it done by the end of August, but it won’t be, which is no big deal because HA!!! I don’t have a deadline! I can finish it whenever I want! (But it’ll be done soon.) 

Thus far the only foreign language my books have been translated into is German. That’s not changing yet. But I WILL have my short story “Eight-Legged Vengeance” translated into French for an anthology next year. 

I reviewed the edits for my short story “The Fierce Stabbing and Subsequent Post-Death Vengeance of Scooter Brown” for the anthology Piercing the Darkness and answered a question from the editor about a shameful continuity error.

And I continue to update my list of ideas for that wolfy sequel…

 

Twerking

Yep, I was forced to look up the word “twerking” today. I hope you’re happy, Internet. I hope you’re happy. (Screw you.)

To me, Miley Cyrus will always be that little girl in that one show I’ve never seen.

And, yes, I am posting this just to see if I can boost my website hits with the keywords “twerking” and “Miley Cyrus.” If it works, I look forward to commenting on Duck Dynasty, Honey Boo Boo, the Kardashians, and Lindsay Lohan. 

Pubbin’ It

 

 

 

 

 

 

So before the awesome triple feature of Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World’s End, I went with Lynne Hansen, Kenzie Jennings, and William Tucker to Cricketers, a British pub with fantastic fish and chips.

I don’t drink at all, because I hate the taste of alcohol, but this seemed like an occasion where it was mandatory to get a pint. And though many helpful people on Facebook suggested that I get cider, I felt morally obligated to get a beer. 

And so I did. It was called a “bumblebee.” Above is a picture of me holding it. I drank about an inch of it before deciding that all I really wanted was the photo op. 

We also had a deep-fried Mars bar. We split it four ways, so it was only a quarter of the shame.

 

Death to WobbleCam!

So last night I saw You’re Next. Loved it. Could have been my favorite movie of the year so far (okay, except for This Is The End)…but it uses that frickin’ shaky camerawork!

Does anybody actually like this style of filmmaking? I can understand the advantage to the film makers, in that if an actor trips or a picture falls off the wall while shooting the scene it won’t matter, because you can’t tell what’s happening anyway (Ed Wood would have loved shaky-cam), but from a purely aesthetic point of view…WHY???

The only other explanation is that the cameraman was having a seizure throughout the filming, in which case somebody really should have provided medical assistance.

You’re Next is a cleverly written, suspenseful, funny, inventive horror flick that totally botches some of the biggest scenes because of visual incoherence.

At the risk of sounding like a crabby old man…STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! HOLD THE DAMN CAMERA STEADY!!!

Thank you.