Jeff Strand's Blog, page 86

Wordier Than Thou

Looking for something to do on Thursday, May 23rd? Do you live near St. Petersburg, Florida? I realize that this narrows the Internet down a bit, but if YOU fall into this lucky category, then you’ll definitely want to come to Wordier Than Thou. It’s a monthly open mic at L Train, and this month I’ll be one of the Featured Readers, along with Beth Adele Long. The event is run by Tiffany Razzano. 

C’mon out! Listen to me read stuff! If you’re a writer, read stuff yourself! 

Doors open at 7:00 PM. Things start happening at 8:00. Get more information HERE. 

 

Texas Library Association

This week I’ll be in Fort Worth for the Texas Library Association conference. If you’re also going to be at the TLA conference, I strongly encourage you to wander over to the Sourcebooks booth at 1:00 PM on Thursday, April 25th, where I will be signing copies of A Bad Day For Voodoo. They’re FREE, so even if you chuck your copy in the trash as soon as you round the corner, please stop by.

I’ll also be at the Texas Teens 4 Libraries event on Friday, from 5:00 to 8:00 PM. Author Mari Marcusi will be representing Sourcebooks with me, so hopefully she’ll be able to undo all of the damage I wreak upon the company as I bumble through the evening.

And if you’ve got any recommendations for good Fort Worth barbecue, please share them here!

The Perdition of Zephyr Hopkins

If most people were offered the choice of A) being chased by an axe-wielding psycho, or B) getting laid off from their job, they would wisely select option B. I mean, c’mon, nobody wants an axe-wielding psycho chasing them. It’s only common sense. However, if you asked most people what they were more worried about, they’d go with option A. (And axe-wielding psychos use this to their advantage, going after their unsuspecting victims while they are distracted by worries of being laid off.)

So though author Jesse S. Greever calls his novella The Perdition of Zephyr Hopkins “part horror story,” it doesn’t contain any traditional horror elements. It’s actually a novella about a guy who loses his job and doesn’t want to admit it to his wife. Oh, sure, he’ll have to tell her about it at some point, or, y’know, maybe he’ll find another job before their finances take a real hit and everything will be just fine.

SPOILER: Everything is not just fine.

It’s a story about a guy who has really screwed up, and has to continue to screw up because otherwise his wife will find out how badly he screwed up, in which case he’s totally screwed. And I had a nice little knot in my stomach while I was reading it. 

The Kindle edition is only 99 cents, so even if you’re unemployed and hiding it from your family and desperately trying to figure out how to make ends meet, it’s a bargain! 

Get it HERE.

 

Cult Movie Mania Returns!

Sweeeeeet! The Cult Movie Mania Screaming Cinema series is returning to the Tampa Pitcher Show in Tampa, Florida. Last year this series played such flicks as Slime City Massacre, Chillerama, Bellflower, The Theatre Bizarre, Dear God No (where my wife had to walk out because even though she looked away from the screen, the sound effects in one scene were too gross), Father’s Day, and other messed up stuff.

This year’s lineup includes John Dies at the End, The Manson Family, Lost Faith, Excision, Bloody Bloody Bible Camp, and Cosmopolis. The series runs Friday nights at 10:30 PM, starting on April 26th. (Of course, I’ll be out of town for the Texas Library Association conference on April 26th, so have fun without me, jerks!) 

Check out the Cult Movie Mania website for all the details.

Stokers/WHC 2013!

Hey, kids, it’s almost time for the 2013 Bram Stoker Awards Weekend + World Horror Convention! It’s in New Orleans on June 13-16. They’ve posted a draft of the programming schedule at the official website (http://www.stokers2013.org) and here’s where I’ll be:

Thursday, June 13. 6:00 – 7:00 PM. Opening Ceremony & Cocktail Reception. I’m the toastmaster, so I’ll be saying a few quick words to welcome everybody. Then I’ll shut up so you can get to the socializing and cocktails.

Thursday, June 13. 8:00 – 9:00 PM. Panel: Co-Authoring – The Do’s And The Don’ts. A panel on the insane art of collaborations. Mark Scioneaux is moderating, and the crowded panel will also include Lynne Hansen, Sally Bosco, Rocky Wood, Dana Fredsti, and Stan Swanson. 

Friday, June 14. 12:30 – 1:00 PM. Reading. Yes, I will be standing in front of a huge crowd room hopefully containing people and reading stuff. Please show up. Please?

Friday, June 14. 7:00 – 9:00 PM. Mass Signing. All of the authors in one room, signing their books! It’ll be chaos! Chaos! Bring your books from home and I’ll scrawl my name on them, even if I didn’t write them. This event is free and open to the public, so if you live on the same continent as New Orleans, make sure you attend.

Saturday, June 15. 7:30 – 10:45 PM. Bram Stoker Awards Banquet. Will A Bad Day For Voodoo win the Stoker for Best Young Adult Novel? Probably not, but that doesn’t matter, because as the Master of Ceremonies I’ll be right up there on stage, ready to grab the trophy and run. This is my fifth time as emcee, and I promise all new jokes. 

Sunday, June 16. 1:00 – 2:00 PM. Closing Ceremonies. I guess I’ll be expected to say something here, but let’s be honest, this far into the weekend, it’s not going to be great. 

Are YOU going to be there? (Correct answer: Yes.)

Fangboy Auf Deutsch

Oooooh, creepy! Here’s the cover for the German edition of Fangboy, available now from Voodoo Press. (My original title for the novel was The Adventures of Fangboy, which is why this new title translates as Fangboy’s Adventure.) 

http://www.voodoo-press.com/content/cart/demnachst/fangboys-abenteuer/

Coral Springs Festival of the Arts

I’ve already posted that I’ll be at the Coral Springs Festival of the Arts on Saturday and Sunday, March 16th and 17th, but if you wanted more details…

On Saturday, I’ll be doing a signing at Barnes & Noble from 2:30 to 3:30 PM. After that, I’ll be rushing over to the NW Regional Library for my 4:00 PM talk on “Stick With It! Sustaining Your Writing Passion in a Brutal Business!”

On Sunday from 2:00 to 3:30 PM, also at the library, I’ll be joining authors Lynne Hansen, James A. Moore, Christopher Golden, John McIlveen, Laurianne MacDonald, Jamie Morris, and Mike Mayo for a Q&A. They’re all doing individual presentations, too, so check out http://www.csfoa.org/festival-of-the-arts-literary-workshop.html for the schedule!

It’s all free, so attendance is mandatory.

Upcoming Appearances

If you’re looking for me in 2013, here are a few of the places I’ll be hanging out!

March 16-17: Coral Springs Festival of the Arts. Coral Springs, Florida. I’ll be doing a book signing and a 90-minute workshop called “Stick With It! Sustaining Your Writing Passion In A Brutal Business.”

April 24-27: Texas Library Association Annual Conference. Fort Worth, Texas. I’ll be doing a signing and a couple of A Bad Day For Voodoo readings for teenagers!

June 13-16: Bram Stoker Awards Weekend/World Horror Convention. New Orleans, Louisiana. I’ll be Master of Ceremonies for the 26th annual Bram Stoker Awards banquet, in a tuxedo. 

July 18-21: Necon. Bristol, Rhode Island. I’ll be eating hot dogs.

I recommend that you attend all of these fine events, but if you can only attend three, that’s okay. 

Fuel Bands and Depressing Movies

Yesterday I saw Amour, a movie so depressing that it made me want to watch Requiem For a Dream or Dancer in the Dark to cheer up. Brilliant filmmaking…but a bummmmmmmer to watch.

Last week, my wife got me a Nike Fuel Band, which tells you how many steps you take each day, how many calories you burn, and how many “fuel” points you receive. You set your daily goal, and if you make it you get colorful animations, and if you make it three days in a row it’s a “streak” and you get…well, I wouldn’t know because I left it at home all day. Do you know how much it frickin’ SUCKS to have this thing tabulating your daily exercise and then you’re suddenly NOT GETTING CREDIT FOR TAKING THE STAIRS INSTEAD OF THE ELEVATOR AND WALKING ALL THE WAY TO SUBWAY?!? MY NIKE BAND THOUGHT I WAS A TOTAL LOSER YESTERDAY AND I DIDN’T GET MY STREAK AND NOW IT’S MESSED UP MY DAILY AVERAGE!!!!! ARGH! ARGH! ARGH! ARGH!

Made my goal today, though. 

 

Die Limp

As you’ve probably heard, or, if your life took an unfortunate turn, seen for yourself, A Good Day To Die Hard is a complete piece of crap. I’m not one of those people who says “Die Hard was great, but then the series got too preposterous!” I love all four of the prior installments, including Live Free or Die Hard. I don’t care how ridiculous the action sequences get. I don’t care if John McClane has become an invincible superhero. I loved each and every one of these movies…….until now.

I really don’t get the point of filming action sequences in Incoherent Shaky Cam. There’s a stunt-laden early car chase that, as far as I could tell, involved practical stunts instead of CGI. That means that actual human beings put themselves in harm’s way for the sake of this motion picture, and the filmmakers rewarded their willingness to perish in a horrific car crash by filming/editing it so badly that you can barely tell what’s going on.

The movie is so bad that I hit a point where I didn’t even want it to get better, because it became fascinating in its incompetence. I especially liked how Bruce Willis kept saying “I’m supposed to be on vacation!” (his version of Dante’s “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” chant in Clerks) even though it was clearly established that he went to Russia to get his son out of trouble. 

The best part is after the end credits, where we are informed that the film created 14,000 jobs. “Yes, we know it’s terrible…but it kept people employed in a bad economy, so that counts for something, right? Right?” 

The one bright spot: Bruce Willis does not actually say “Yippie Ki Yay, Mother Russia” in the film. If that had happened, there would have been no choice but to tear down the screen.

HOWEVER…I was impressed by the marketing of a new Sandra Bullock/Melissa McCarthy movie. There was a big warning on the screen saying that this sample scene was for theatre exhibitors only and NOT to be shown to the general public. The scene itself had timecodes at the top and looked like it was from a workprint. I’m pretty sure this was all bulls**t, but it still gave the scene (which was extremely funny) a level of “Ooooh, we’re not supposed to be seeing this! How naughty!”