Jeff Strand's Blog, page 80

The Greatest Gift Imaginable

Two things I really like:

1. Pugs.

2. Haribo gummi bears. (Yes, I am brand-specific.)

So to receive a birthday gift of GUMMI PUGS is almost more than my fragile mind can process.

Gummis. In the shape of pugs. From Haribo. They exist. I have them.

B-Day

Well, today is my birthday. But don’t get me a gift. No, really…I know you think you should, but I already have everything I need. Except a pony. I can’t let you buy me a pony, though, because you’d probably get the wrong color, and then I’d have to paint the pony, and you don’t want a painted pony on your conscience.

Instead, why don’t you buy YOURSELF a present on my birthday? I know, I know, it’s insane, but I insist that you click on THIS LINK and then go on a crazed shopping spree. Fill that online shopping cart. You deserve it.

BBQ Signage Revisited

A few days ago I asked people to share photos of truly demented signs for BBQ restaurants. I got a link from the website Marie Let’s Eat to their article “That Pig’s Not Going To Cook Himself…Or Is He?”

This must-read article shows how numerous barbecue places use the exact same pig as their mascot. This particular pig is not just doing the standard “Mmmmm…gonna eat my own kind! Nom nom nom!” thing. No, this pig is sitting by the fire and cooking himself! But, oh, it’s even worse than that: he’s cooking his crotch!

If I were a pig, I would a) not cook myself, but if I did, I would b) at least not start at the crotch! At least it’s a pained smile. Click on the link above, check out the pictures, and tell me that this pig isn’t thinking, “Go to your happy place…go to your happy place…”

Marie Let’s Eat covers lots of restaurants, BBQ and otherwise, in the southeastern USA. They cover some Florida places but they don’t quite make it far south enough to be near my area; however, the next time I head up to Georgia I will definitely be using this site as reference material.

 

Sister Sinister Speaks!

As I’ve previously mentioned, early next year I’m going to be doing a blog tour to promote my new young adult comedy novel, I Have A Bad Feeling About This. Sinister Sister Speaks answered my call for host blogs…but she didn’t just say “Sure, you can write something, I guess, as long as it’s not, y’know, too stupid.”

No, the mighty Sister Sinister is going way above and beyond, with her new Countdown to Jeff series, in which she reviews two of my books each month leading up to my guest post in March. This is truly awesome of her.

Of course, now my stomach hurts and my vision is kind of blurry from the stress of having to come up with a guest blog that is worthy of all of that buildup. Why would she put me under that much pressure? Does she get some kind of sadistic thrill from it? Is she even human, or is she pure monster? I mean, I was just going to write “Five Books To Read While Eating Gumdrops” or something! I can’t deliver on the promise of a Countdown to Jeff! What am I going to do? Oh, God, what am I going to do???

While I figure that out, head on over to Sinister Sister Speaks for her review of Wolf Hunt, along with gobs of other reviews.

If you’d like me to write something for your site next year, e-mail me at gleefullymacabre@gmail.com.

HWA Lifetime Achievement Award Committee

I’m pleased to announce that I’m part of the official Horror Writers Association 2013 Lifetime Achievement Award committee. John R. Little, Greg Herren, Jo Fletcher, committee chair Kathryn Ptacek, and I will be viciously fighting over the next recipient(s) of this award. Blood will be drawn. Friendships will be shattered.

The prior recipients are:

2012 - Clive Barker, Robert McCammon

2011 - Rick Hautala, Joe R. Lansdale

2010 - Ellen Datlow, Al Feldstein

2009 - Brian Lumley, William F. Nolan

2008 - F. Paul Wilson, Chelsea Quinn Yarbro

2007 - John Carpenter, Robert Weinberg

2006 - Thomas Harris

2005 - Peter Straub

2004 - Michael Moorcock

2003 - Anne Rice, Martin H. Greenberg

2002 - Stephen King, J.N. Williamson

2001 - John Farris

2000 - Nigel Kneale

1999 - Edward Gorey, Charles L. Grant

1998 - Ramsey Campbell, Roger Corman

1997 - William Peter Blatty, Jack Williamson

1996 - Ira Levin, Forrest J. Ackerman

1995 - Harlan Ellison

1994 - Christopher Lee

1993 - Joyce Carol Oates

1992 - Ray Russell

1991 - Gahan Wilson

1990 - Hugh B. Cave, Richard Matheson

1989 - Robert Bloch

1988 - Ray Bradbury, Ronald Chetwynd-Hayes

1987 - Fritz Leiber, Frank Belknap Long, Clifford D. Simak

Who will the next one be? Perhaps…….YOU?

A-ing Your Q’s

Got any questions you want me to answer? Serious questions, silly questions, writing-related or not…either post them in the comments section or e-mail them to gleefullymacabre@gmail.com and I’ll answer them in a future blog!

Social Media Stuff

In case you were wondering where else to find me on social media…

Facebook (Regular Page). I post something goofy there pretty much every day.

Twitter. This is usually a cross-post of whatever I posted on Facebook, unless it can’t be cut down to 140 characters.

Facebook (Fan Page). No cross-posting between this and my other Facebook page. Though this one has been abandoned for long stretches of time, lately I’ve been doing posts on a regular basis. The two pages don’t really have separate identities at the moment, but I think the Fan Page will be more writing-specific posts, and the Regular Page will be more general silliness. Follow ‘em both for the full experience.

Goodreads. If you want to know what I’m reading.

Linkedin. On it. Hardly ever check it. It’s always weird to see that people have endorsed me for skills I don’t have.

Am I missing out on any really awesome ones?

BBQ Signage

When my wife and I were in North Carolina a couple of weeks ago, Rich Dansky and Melinda Thielbar took us to their favorite BBQ place. It was indeed truly delicious. Nom nom nom.

I’m mentioning it here because I took a picture of the sign. Ignore the hilarious wood-related material and look at that pig. It’s traditional for barbecue signs to feature pigs taking delight in the fact that they’re going to be devoured, but this particular pig is different. His expression says “I take pleasure in the torture and consumption of my own kind. You’re gonna squeal.” That is one sadistic frickin’ pig.

Meanwhile, over on Facebook, Wendy Latham shared this photo, which is about as demented of a pork promotion sign as I’ve ever seen. There’s even blood on the bandage!

If you’ve seen any (real!) BBQ signs that are equally or more deranged, please feel free to post links to photos in the comments section.

A Bit of Christmas Mayhem

If you’re a fan of Andrew Mayhem, and such a thing is theoretically possible, you should know that issue #4 of Splatterpunk Zine contains a brand-new tale called “A Bit of Christmas Mayhem,” in which our hero encounters not one, not two, but THREE axe-wielding Santa Clauses. It’s madness!

This is an old-school print-only ‘zine from the United Kingdom, so though this story will eventually appear in some sort of digital form, it won’t be anytime soon. Check out the holiday cheer at https://splatterpunkzine.wordpress.com/

Update on Writing Stuff (December 6th Edition)

I’m finishing up a short story about [topic redacted] for the anthology [name of anthology redacted], after which I’ll jump right into a story about [topic redacted] for the anthology [name of anthology redacted], after which I’ll jump right into a story about [topic redacted] for the website [name of website redacted].

Okay, only the first two projects are secret. And, actually, the second one might not be–I didn’t ask. But it’s fun to veil things in a cloak of secrecy, isn’t it? The third one is that I’m writing a story called “Literal” for The Horror Zine, though by “writing” I mean “have an idea for,” because the story isn’t due until January 31st and that’s forever from now.

This week I did a call with the publicists for my upcoming young adult (but adults can read it too) comedy I Have A Bad Feeling About This. The blog tour will be significantly larger than the A Bad Day For Voodoo one, so I’ve got a LOT of writing to do. Many of the guest blogs will be customized to whatever the host wants, but I’m going to write a bunch of all-purpose ones that Sourcebooks can send out. If YOU have a blog and want a guest post (to be published around March of next year) post a comment here or e-mail me at gleefullymacabre@gmail.com!