Moe Lane's Blog, page 570
May 11, 2022
Tweet of the Day, I Both Want And Do Not Want To Watch This edition.
For the reasons that Dan said.
Whoa if true. A dying Norm McDonald doing comedy alone in a room would undoubtedly be both hilarious and very, very dark. https://t.co/glss2XZWGj
— Dan McLaughlin (@baseballcrank) May 11, 2022
Also: somebody on this planet will see ‘Norm Macdonald special,’ not really know the circumstances, and convince his date that they should go watch it together as part of a nice night in. …Honestly, I can’t think of anything that would please the comedian more.
05/11/22, HERO OF THE REVOLUTION.
Fight scene!
Patreon!I grabbed instead for a drainpipe, ripping it off the wall as I lurched forward. It was tough enough that my fingers only crushed it a little, and that was good. A lot of stuff in the old days would crumble or break the second you tried to hit somebody else with it. Not that I like hitting other entities with spears, but if I have to do it then I want to do it nice and hard.
My attacker didn’t react at all, instead doing something complicated with the long gun it was wielding. I was pretty sure it wasn’t human; I know that mortals are taller these days, but seven feet was pushing it. Plus, it was covered head to toe in a collection of coats, shirts, gloves, and a full head-mask over a floppy hat. That’s just not comfortable for humans. But I wasn’t smelling demon, either.
I decided I could figure it all out after the fight, and charged.
The sadly inevitable ZERO CONTACT trailer.
‘Sadly inevitable’ because eventually people would start trying to process the restrictions of the last few years on film. Or, more accurately, their own responses to those restrictions*. In this case, it looks like somebody made a picture about how much they hate Zoom calls (and fear the conditions that are making them use Zoom), then got Anthony Hopkins to have a part in it. It might do well, since everybody hates life via Zoom calls, got at least nervous about COVID, and likes Anthony Hopkins.
Which is to say: ZERO CONTACT will likely resonate fairly well in 2022, and hopefully not at all by 2032.
*I am, of course, utterly indifferent to ever creating any sort of artistic self-therapy along those lines. Nope. Not me. Nuh-uh.
May 10, 2022
The UNHUMAN Direct-To-Video trailer.
I’m confused. UNHUMAN doesn’t actually look horrible.
On the one hand: while the dig at D&D players seems unkind, the character in question is later seen not being the first one to die, so I suspect we’ve got trailer misdirection going on here. On the other hand, ‘direct-to-video’ is starting to mean what it used to mean. And on the gripping hand… okay, there are swords.
The UNCHARTED Honest Trailer.
Not gonna lie: I’ve waited on UNCHARTED until I saw what Honest Trailers had to say about it. It’s not so much that I agree with their takes as it is that their takes are consistent, which lets me apply a correction factor when using them as a benchmark. And I regret to say that… yeah, I’m probably not watching UNCHARTED anyway.
I know y’all are just ripped up about that. Inside, I mean. Tremble for the Republic! Tremble for Humankind!
#commissionearned
May 9, 2022
Worked on THE SINISTER SUMMONING OF POPLAR COUNTY tonight.
This was something I did for Patreon, back in 2018; and it could do for Kindle Vella, if I turn it into the 8,000 word short story it should have been. I just need to put together a better conflict than the one that I had in the original. More accurately, a less rushed one. I’m thinking that something a little more madcap might be in order. Car crashes into haystacks and chickens flying around and maybe a running gag or two. I could make it work.
Of course, I also have other things to work on, but at least I have ideas percolating in my head now.
*Fine.* The AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER teaser trailer.
You can tell just how much I’m looking forward to this by the fact that I originally wrote that as “The SHAPE Of Water.” Because this ain’t my Avatar. My Avatar is a bald kid with a flying buffalo, and an uncritical willingness to go on wacky cabbage cart-destroying adventures.
Then again, this AVATAR made almost 2.85 billion at the box office, so what do I know? Clearly people liked it. And they get to have sequels made, too.
Moe Lane
#commissionearned
DOCTOR STRANGE IN THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS has $185 million dollar opening.
These are good numbers: “Doctor Strange and his questionably effective book of spells has summoned a blockbuster $185 million at North American movie theaters over the weekend, reaffirming the box office dominance of Disney’s Marvel Cinematic Universe after a shakier, pandemic-battered year for the sprawling franchise.” They’re also going to be annoying numbers for some, because there is already a vocal contingent online who are upset in various ways about DOCTOR STRANGE IN THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS.
Without giving anything away, there’s a bunch of people who are upset about a major plot point of the movie (personally, I thought it was about time the issue was addressed). And there’s another bunch of people who apparently don’t know what you’re going to get when Sam Raimi directs a movie called DOCTOR STRANGE IN THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS. I’ll address that one directly: what the Hell were you expecting, neighbors? People smoking cigarettes in diners at 2 AM, while talking about modern theater? No, you are not. You are going to get Raimi’s peculiar and highly entertaining ghoulish humor. And I have no sympathy if you are surprised. The Internet exists for a reason.
Moe Lane
PS: Look, I’m not gonna lie: Raimi toned it down a little, because he was working for the Mouse. But I made my peace with that. Dude needed to get a hit, if he wanted to get work again. We needed the dude to get a hit. And they’re all suddenly remembering his number now…
