Jacob Robinson's Blog, page 13

Was Lex Fridman’s “Reading List” Controversy Caused by Mass Psychosis?

A few months ago podcaster Lex Fridman released a list of books he planned on reading for the following six months. The post stirred up a lot of attention and controversy, which many threw off as another case of useless internet drama. And while that was true, I couldn’t help but think that there might be more to the story.

A screenshot of Lex Fridman’s tweet as of 1/14/2023, when this article was being written.

Lex Fridman is just about the least controversial person on the internet. He talks very dryly about peace and love and interviews a wide array of important but (not until recently) uncontroversial characters. His podcast was able to blow up over the wide array of connections he developed over the years as one of the research heads at MIT (particularly in the self driving/computer vision department). He is a hivemind acolyte, sure, but other than that there is little that pokes out about the man.

On December 31st, he posted a list of books he planned on reading the following year. When I first saw the post, I didn’t think much about it. When I saw it again, I actually read the list and thought it was pretty inoffensive. When I saw it a third time, I briefly considered creating one of my own, before deciding that my reading schedule was far too disorganized for that to ever be done properly. When I then saw it a fourth time, I began to realize something was wrong.

When you see something on the internet the first three times, especially if its made by a popular figure, it can be chalked up to coincidence. Any more times after that, and its a story.

But it didn’t make sense. This was a reading list. Seriously, its a bunch of fucking books some guy plans on ready. Where was the story? What was the conflict? What was the overarching narrative? I began to dive deeper — I rarely use Twitter myself — and I began to find more bizarre flags. Persons of interest, high up on the clout ladder, began discussing the post in hushed tones, referring to it solely as “that list”. Drama cows such as Nassim Nicholas Taleb, arguably the Keemstar of academia, began to hound the post. The more the reading list came to the front of my conscience, the more I began to see it pop up again and again.

Old people who made too much money and now have nothing better to do but to waste time on social media (to be fair this reply is rather funny)…That List?This really isn’t related at all but I do have to shoutout Nat Eliason getting a rare W by proving the NPC “everything but Sapiens is good” copypasta is fake (full post here)

It seemed like it was one of those things where everyone had to have a take. Which was strange, since there really wasn’t any take to be had. The wide majority threw it off as a some silly internet drama, meaningless trifle that goes on all the time in the webosphere, and went on their day.

But this one stuck with me. Sure, a lot of internet drama is meaningless. But almost all internet drama has two key characteristics: conflict and/or controversy. Conflict here is defined by a negative interaction between two people (i.e. one Youtuber calls out another) and controversy defined by a topic that is meant to incite a response (i.e. a Twitter user condones an unproven diet regime). The particularly strange thing was that this reading list had neither. Lex Fridman was not directly getting involved or interfering with a third party, and his list was, to anyone who knows reading, quite possibly the safest thing possible.

This also couldn’t be covered under controversies regarding “Top X” lists. Often when a website like Rolling Stone releases a list entitled “Top 100 Albums of All time” or some such, there’s a bit of meaningless scuffle surrounding it. But this would be covered by the controversy clause, as making an objective claim about subjective value is inherently controversial. But Fridman isn’t making any value claims! It’s just a list of fucking books to read, for godssakes! He even just outsourced the list to his Twitter following only two weeks prior!

There was internet drama — fast moving, pitiful, done primarily for short-term impressions boosts — and then there was this. Where others saw just another case of Twitter being silly, I saw something deeper. But I just couldn’t wrap my head around what it was.

And then, two weeks later, after all the dust had settled… I found it.

Introducing Mass Psychosis

Mass psychosis is defined as an event where a large subgroup of individuals briefly lose touch with reality and begin to hallucinate a threat which isn’t there. The occurrence is extremely rare, and to this day it is debated by scholars as to whether or not it is even real in the first place. But fortunately I am not a scholar, I am just some rando on the internet who can make shit up if it makes things interesting.

Mass psychosis typically has a series of events leading up to the psychosis which serves as the catalyst, usually a sudden intensification of stress. It is worth noting that this stress must effect multiple people in order for it to work. For example, if John Doe gets cancer and then one day sees something that reminds him of the cancer, it will cause a stress build up in him but would rarely effect others. On the other hand, if a mass shooting incident occurs in the United States, this can cause stress to be built in the subsegment of people who live in the United States.

Perhaps the first example that comes to mind of something I would deem as “mass psychosis” is the 2007 Boston Mooninite panic. Adult Swim, advertising their upcoming Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie, placed small electronic placards of the film’s mascot character — the Mooninite — across the city of Boston. However, this occurred on the eve of US terrorist concern reaching one of its many heights, and when some citizens saw the unmarked placards they immediately began to worry and reported the authorities. This escalated to a bomb threat scenario being put in place across the city as well as the (temporary) arrest of those placing the LED cards.

This story, in many ways, seems to parallel the one we just discussed. This drama occurred from neither conflict nor controversy — placing funny looking alien creatures all over Boston is hardly a crime — and yet caused a brief panic which was later deemed to be “just another boring news cycle”. Additionally, we can call this psychosis because a series of events (increase IED bomb scares in US) caused a sudden intensification of stress in a subgroup (Boston citizens) thus resulting in a brief panic that seems detached from reality (thinking silly light up fellas are out to kill you).

So, we seem to have mass psychosis down, and can trace it back to Fridman’s reading list. All we need now is the series of events that caused all of this…

Diving A Little Deeper

I hinted near the beginning that Lex Fridman was a fairly unassuming character until recently. What exactly caused this shift?

Two things. The first was that Fridman, as of the past three months or so, decided that he was tired of having old boring scientists on his podcast. This was first marked by his popular interview with Kanye West, but followed up in quick succession with his interviews with right wing thinker Ben Shapiro and left wing thinker Steven Bonnell. The second thing, perhaps more relevant to his experience with Twitter, revolves around his sudden association as an “Elon Musk reply guy”.

Elon Musk and Lex Fridman are friends. This is pretty well known to anyone who knows about the two. Musk is a regular on Fridman’s show, and most of their back and forth on Twitter and beyond was been cordial. But after Elon Musk made the controversial decision to purchase and take control of the social media platform, Fridman began acting… weird.

This behavior, the constant dotting on Musk and upholding his most controversial takes, was out of the ordinary for Lex. Many people caught on. A few assumed that he was being tricky — that he did not exactly mean what he had said, but was playing diplomat and trying to unite the Pro-Musk and Anti-Musk sides. Others, particularly those who had not heard of Fridman before these tweets, assumed he was just fanboying and not thinking of the consequences. Either way, people assumed something was wrong.

This all culminated in a particularly dangerous tweet Fridman had made where he asked Musk to take over Twitter. The tweet was made in a partial joking manner, but it was clear that Lex would accept if given the opportunity. There was a brief back and forth between the two, until Musk appeared to reject Lex’s offer.

When this tweet first came out, many assumed it to be specifically directed towards Fridman. Now it’s more likely to have been mostly directed towards the many others who asked for the CEO role and served more as a widespread rejection.

This tweet officially marked the point where Fridman, likely for the first time in his life, began getting haters. Many people saw him as a pushover, a fanboy, someone who used the words of “love” and “peace” and cried about being attacked as a way to manipulate people into what he wanted. Some people even began to question his MIT credentials, noting that he was not a tenured professor but rather a senior researcher (this line of thinking was quickly debunked by many of Fridman’s MIT colleagues, though could have been assumed as false given virtually all of his early content was MIT-focused).

And, to make things particularly spicy — a lot of this we still don’t know the answer to! Fridman could be manipulating people, and could be using his connections to bide himself power and influence. All us Fridman podcast veterans may have been duped by the mans love speech, and in reality he could have more dubious intentions. Things seem to float to be more likely that he’s good than bad, but the jury is still currently out.

Anyway, let’s bring this back to the point from earlier. This whole controversy had only occurred in December. The reading list was posted December 31st! Suddenly, things are beginning to make more sense. The reading list controversy had absolutely nothing to do with the reading list — it was all carried-over trauma from the Twitter debacle, which did certainly have the controversial elements to be considered a proper drama. We can call this psychosis because a series of events (Fridman’s reply-guying and armchair Twitter CEOing) caused a sudden intensification of stress in a subgroup (Twitter users) thus resulting in a brief panic that seems detached from reality (thinking someone’s personal reading list was out to get them). There you have it! The cognitive dissonance is gone, we can all go home, QED.

(Final note, to those who are particularly stern and boring: yes, obviously, this is not how science or psychology or sociology or whatever actually works. This is more just an interesting theoretical discussion in groupthink. I am not making any broad scientific claims, just stirring the pot as I always do.)

The post Was Lex Fridman’s “Reading List” Controversy Caused by Mass Psychosis? appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

New Blog Post Schedule

I’ve decided that, after releasing a new post on this website every day for the past five years, it’s time for a bit of a change. Here’s my new schedule going forward:

…there is no schedule. The new schedule is that there is no schedule.

I’m doing this for a few reasons. The first is that much of my attention has gone on to other things I’m working on, stuff that is either high growth (video) or more what I want to do in the long term (fiction writing). The second is that I’ve about exhausted the key topics I’ve wanted to discuss — stuff like the ubermensch concept, or social game theory, or culture creators, etc. etc.

BUT, this is far and away from the last post you’ll ever see on this site. In fact, depending on how things go, posts might be more frequent on this site, on certain occasions. Another big thing I wanted to do with this change was make more posts while they were “top of mind”. I still try to make evergreen posts that are always relevant, but sometimes I become pretty much obsessed with a topic, which in this time frame it is great to write about. The issue with the scheduling formula is that I’m forced to put these to the wayside until the time is right, then write on them sometime later. But by the time that comes, usually I no longer care about the topic. This can be used to an advantage when purposely trying to throw off short peaks in motivation (for longer projects for example) but since a blog post can usually get done in a day anyway I don’t see this being necessary.

So, there you have it. Just a quick announcement that you shouldn’t expect posts every Monday anymore. Now I’ll just release them when they’re ready. But like I said, don’t despair! Believe me, you’ll be hearing from me again very soon : )

(Note — this does not effect the posting of Boys & Girls free chapters, which will continue to release every Monday until finished. Similar future free “demo” releases will probably follow the same formula. This also does not effect scheduling with stream content, which is still every Monday Friday and sometimes Wednesday.)

The post New Blog Post Schedule appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

Boys & Girls: “The Room”

(This is one of 10 preview chapters for Boys & Girls: Part I. You can see the rest of the chapters on the official page)

(Start from the beginning)

August 31st, 2016

Kinsky, California, USA

The Room

It was a Saturday. Cole put on his gray hoodie, bringing up the hood over him to cover his face. He was walking down the stairs of his house and was just about out of the door when he heard a voice from behind him.

“Hey, kid.”

Cole turned around. There was a woman over by the kitchen table. She was slightly overweight and had her fading black hair perched into a ponytail. She wore an old black shirt and a pair of sweatpants. She wasn’t related to Cole, but she had been his guardian long enough that she might as well be. 

She continued. “If you’re heading out, could you bring the garbage cans out to the street?”

Cole leaned on the door knob. “Yeah.”

The lady looked back down at the phone in her hand, saying nothing else. Cole left the house.

After taking out both trash cans, Cole stopped for a moment to look around. It was early in the morning, and gray clouds hovered over the neighborhood. He looked down and saw the remnants of the black stain still on his jacket, faintly visible. He sighed and went to his car.

…

As he went up the steps of the Cortez House, Cole noticed that the front door was opened a tad. He gently pushed it open, entered, then shut it close.

“I’m in here!” A voice called out. It was Maria’s, and came from the living room.

When Cole walked in, Maria was staring down at a wide array of papers and notes scattered on the coffee table. She wore the same purple sweatshirt and black gym shorts she wore on the 25th. 

“So, what’s new?” Cole sat down on the armchair, looking at the papers.

“I’m empty-handed. Teachers say she didn’t have any bullies, and nothing else seemed out of the ordinary. As far as I know she wasn’t talking to anyone outside of school, either.” Maria looked up, an aura of defeat on her face. “I’m out of ideas.”

Cole looked down at one of the papers. He put his finger on one of the corners, and spun it around on the table’s frictionless surface. “Have you… considered family members?”

“You don’t think it could be one of them, could you?”

“No, no. I mean… just to expand the search, to see if anything comes up.”

Maria leaned back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling light. “I mean, there’s just Lorenzo and…” She stopped. A sudden wave of realization hit her. “Oh, God.”

“What is it?”

She looked back at Cole. “My dad. I don’t think he knows yet.”

“Wh-what do you mean? You mean no one’s contacted him about it?”

“He didn’t leave any way to contact him! He just… H-he still doesn’t know.” Maria covered her mouth. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes, and did her best to stop them from falling down. “Shit, Cole…”

Cole looked down to his feet. The paper he had spun, now in his hands, he rubbed together. There were a few moments of silence, punctuated by Maria’s sniffling. Finally, Cole spoke again.

“Maria, I really think you need to tell your mom about all of this.”

Maria shook her head, wiping her eyes on her sleeves. “No, no. She’s… she’s coping in her own way. And, you know… with her, her work… I don’t want to put all this burden on her, you know?”

Cole didn’t respond. He put the paper back onto the table, and got up from the armchair. “Is it okay if I make us something to eat?” He pointed to the kitchen. “I haven’t eaten yet today.”

“Yeah, go ahead. There’s not much in there, though.”

Cole left to the kitchen. Maria went back to staring at the notes in front of her, looking for nothing in particular. 

…

Maurice was in the Kinsky High locker room. He stared off into the distance, panting and sweating. Occasionally he would take a towel and wipe the sweat off his eyebrows. Practice had finished, but it wasn’t what he was thinking about.

Isaac slapped him on the shoulder, jolting him back into focus. The quarterback sat next to him, smiling. “If you run like that in the real game, we might actually win a few.

Isaac was shirtless, and when he leaned back on the bench it better revealed his chiseled physique. Maurice scoffed and looked the other way.

“I’m serious.” Isaac continued. “You got way better over the summer. I can tell.”

“He’ll run you right out of a job,” Russell interjected as he walked over to the two, his sunglasses back on. He wore a worn KINSKY HIGH FOOTBALL shirt and had a towel hung over his shoulder.

“Alright, alright. Just try to make my job a little easier, alright? Not gonna be any point in us scoring if they score on every drive,” Isaac mocked back.

Russell smiled. “Okay, Cap. Just try not to throw it to me so much.”

The boys all sat in a circle around the locker. From an office in the corner came out a man with gray hair and a stern expression. A scar, starting on his forehead, snaked its way across the top of his head, creating a clear part in his crew cut.

“Alright kids, sit down.” His voice was calm and cold. The kids sat down.

“So we’ve got two away games to start off. One against Greenville, one against San Marcos. Home game is on the 20th. I want a strong start to the year, that means at least two wins. And one of them’s gotta be at home. We’ll be doing regular drills, with practice games the day before matches. Sprints, too. Anyone got any questions?”

The room was quiet.

“Good. Just don’t fag around and you guys’ll be fine.” He took a quick swig of his water bottle, then headed back to the office. “Have a good Sunday.”

…

Two crumb-filled plates and a couple of candy wrappers were now on the table. Cole and Maria sat together on the couch. 

“Okay, so there’s…” Maria leaned forward, her fingers on her temples. “There’s the kids at her school, but all of them seem harmless. There’s Mama, but she never yelled at any of us. Dad’s been gone for too long. There’s, um, the people who have come by a lot — Lorenzo, you, Sadja, and Rose — but none of them make sense.” Maria took a deep and elongated sigh. “Am I just… overthinking this? Was it just a nightmare she had? Is it completely unrelated?”

Cole had his hands in his lap. He thought about the case. He thought about what he knew about Anita. Everything he knew about her. Her little eyes. Her little smile. Her little laugh.

“Have you…” The words fell off Cole’s mouth. “Have you checked her room? Since it happened?”

Maria froze. 

“N-no. No, we… we haven’t.”

“Do you think… we should check?”

Maria tried to speak, but she couldn’t. Something inside her got stuck, some gear no longer turned. She just gave a soft nod, and slowly got up from the couch.

The room was upstairs. The door was closed, and the light was turned off. Maria stared at it from the hallway. She dared to take one step, and one step more, ever closer until she reached the door. Cole stood beside her, and she looked up at him for guidance.

“Just try. It’s okay.” His words were soothing, but did little to calm her anxiety.

She reached for the doorknob. She could feel her whole body tremble as she did it. With the tips of her fingers she felt the cold metal of the knob. Slowly, her hands wrapped around it. She put the force in her hand, and was just about ready to turn.

But something stopped her. If she turned this knob, she thought, the full weight of reality would hit her. She would realize that the room was empty. She would realize that, now, it would always be empty. She would realize that Anita was gone, and there was no way to bring her back. 

Her hand recoiled. She took a big gasp of air, then fell into hyperventilation. “I can’t do it,” she muttered. “I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it.”

“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” Cole tried to console her, but it wasn’t working. She kept gasping, leaning her head against the side of the wall.

“I can’t do it I can’t do it I can’t do it I can’t do it.” Maria repeated the words to herself, over and over again. Her forehead scrunched up in pain, and her fists clenched. Her hands hit the wall, and she tried so hard not to cry again.

“Do you want me to go in?” Cole put a hand on her back, whispering to her. Maria thought about it.

“Yeah, please… J-just, just wait until I get downstairs. I don’t want to be here when you do it.”

“That’s alright. I’ll wait.”

Maria’s heart began to beat a little less rapidly. She crossed her arms, grasping tightly to the opposite elbow. She walked quickly down the stairs, sitting down at a chair in the dining room, and closed her eyes.

“Okay, you can do it!” She called out.

Cole looked back at the door. To be fair, he was scared to know what was behind it himself. But his curiosity was stronger. He turned the knob and went inside.

The room for the most part was normal. The bedsheets had been displaced, and the closet door was open. But everything else was in its proper order.

He looked in the closet first. Her outfits were still hung up, and beyond a few boxes of toys and art supplies nothing was out of the ordinary. His eyes moved over to the bed. Above it hung wall art depicting a heart, a fairy, and a few butterflies. In the side of the room facing a window was a small bookshelf. On the left-hand side of the window, there was a school paper pinned to the wall. It was from that February. Cole read it.

PEOPLE YOU LOVE: One of the things people do for Valentine’s Day is tell others that they love them. In the box below, write down the names of some of the people you love. Then show them this worksheet so they know you care!

MOMMY

DADDY

MARIA

ROSE

SAJJA

COLE

On the other side of the window, there were a few photos hung up. One was of her dressed as a princess for her third birthday. Another was her class photo from kindergarten. The last one was a holiday picture from a few years ago, which had Mama Cortez, Anita, Maria, and a man with dark hair and a moustache all sitting together under a Christmas tree.

Cole’s attention moved down to the bookshelf. On top of it was an antique wind-up carousel. Cole turned its dial. It creaked to life, spinning around slowly and unevenly, its rusted gears sounding out a rendition of Swan Lake.

He kneeled down to see into the bookshelf itself. There were a few kids books, such as Horton Hears A Who and Can You Really Pet A Walrus?. The bottom shelf had two binders, labeled ART and PHOTOS, both written in by Maria. Cole decided to leave them alone for now.

Seeing that there was nothing out of place, Cole got up from the ground, took one last good look at the room, and walked over to turn the doorknob and walk back out.

The doorknob.

Cole stood still. The carousel had stopped. The only sound left in the room was the familiar hum of the air conditioner.

The doorknob.

He took a few steps back. He brought his hand back to his chest and clutched the fabric of his hoodie. The cold air of the A/C hit his face.

The doorknob.

“Fuck,” Cole muttered to himself. He looked away from the door, grabbing a fabric sheet off of the bed. Without looking directly at it Cole covered the doorknob in the sheet, and only then turned the knob and left the room. 

When Cole came into the dining room, Maria still had her eyes closed. It was only after he touched her on the shoulder that they opened. 

“I checked the room. Nothing seemed out of place.”

Maria sighed. “Well, thanks for checking.”

Cole brought up a dining chair and sat next to her. “So, what’s the plan now?”

“I mean… I, um, still have some information I need to get back from the hospital. And a couple of people to call. I guess… I guess I’ll just tell you if anything comes up.”

“Sounds good,” Cole replied. Maria stayed looking at the ground, dejected. He took hold of one of her hands, and grasped it firmly. “Listen, we’ll get closure on this, okay? I promise you.”

Maria looked up at him. A small, subtle smile crossed her face. The sun hung down in the sky and night began to form.

The post Boys & Girls: “The Room” appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

Boys & Girls: “Maria’s Return”

(This is one of 10 preview chapters for Boys & Girls: Part I. You can see the rest of the chapters on the official page)

(Start from the beginning)

August 28th, 2016

Kinsky, California, USA

Maria’s Return

The two siblings, Emily and Maurice, stood outside a bus stop near their home. Emily was distracted by the falling autumn leaves, the auburn sunlight soaking through them on their gradual descent. Maurice stood close to the edge of the sidewalk, as the school bus pulled in.

The two sat across from each other, sitting their backpacks to their side. The bus was empty with the exception of them and two other students they did not know. After they settled in, the bus lurched forward.

“So, you ready?” Maurice asked his sister as she pulled out the planner from her backpack.

“Yeah. I think so. It’s not that big of a deal — just, talk about the events and stuff. Not sure why they still make such a big deal out of it.”

Maurice shrugged. “Makes things easier for me. I could use the break.”

Emily looked up, smirking as she clicked open a pen. “Glad I could be of service.”

…

The bus dropped the students off at Kinsky High. Emily parted with Maurice, as the latter went into the gym and the former went to her familiar table at the courtyard.

About five minutes passed, when Lukas arrived. He sat on the other side of the table, as before, putting his backpack down and leaning it against the wall.

“Yo.”

Emily didn’t look up from her notes. “Yo.”

Lukas picked up his feet and sat cross-legged on the bench. He watched the girl as she looked over a page in the notebook, written with some bullet points on what to say.

“Hey,” Lukas broke the silence, “is it alright if I… ditch the assembly? I got some other stuff I gotta do, and I was hoping to use the assembly time to do it.”

Emily looked up from her notes, inquisitively. “Didn’t know you needed my permission to skip the assembly.”

Lukas shrugged. “Well, you’re the only one I know who’s gonna be in it.”

“And Ash.”

He nodded in concession. “And Ash.”

Emily looked back down at her notes. “Well, it ain’t my business what you do during school hours.”

Lukas snapped his fingers, and pointed at her. “Thanks, Em.”

“Mmhm.”

The two went back to their separate activities, waiting while the other students trickled in.

…

It was around ten minutes until the starting bell. Emily snuck by some students in the hallway and entered a door into the art room.

Only one person was there. She was a skinny white teen, who had short hair dyed into an opulent shade of blue. She wore a stained tour shirt for a metal band and a pair of denim short-shorts. She had been pacing around reading from a piece of paper, but looked up as Emily came in.

“Hey, Ash.” Emily closed the door behind her.

“Hey, Em.” Ash smiled back.

Emily walked over and sat down at the table in the center of the room. Ash folded up the paper she was reading, and shimmied it into her shorts pocket.

“So, what’s new with you?” Emily looked up, pushing her pack under the chair. 

“Well, last night I submitted my application to Alto.”

“Look at you, girl!” Emily spoke with enthusiasm, even as Ash looked down in embarrassment. “That’s the design school, right?”

“Yeah. I mean, we’ll see what happens, I guess.”

“We’ll see what happens.” Emily confirmed. “But I think you got a good shot. Better at anyone from Kinsky, for sure.”

Ash looked up, her cheeks rosy. “Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.”

The two spoke for a bit longer, before they heard a knock on the door. The door opened, and in came Rose. Her hair was in a bun, and she wore a wavy and loose white shirt.

“Hey, how are two of my favorite women doing?” She spoke as she leaned against the door frame, smiling at the two.

“Doin’ good. What’s up?” Emily asked.

“Thought you guys might be interested.” She walked up to the table, leaning her hands down on the surface. “Maria’s back.”

…

Maria looked, to those on the outside, stunningly normal. Her hair was in its signature mid-length form. Her makeup was light and proper. She wore a simple white dress that people who knew her recognized, and was well-ironed and neat.

“Hey, chica.” Ash said, coming in for a hug. “How are you?”

“You know.” Maria’s tone was calm. “Surviving.”

“We’re all surviving.”

As the group of girls paraded her down the hallway, it became woefully apparent to Maria that the way they spoke to her was that of pity. But she didn’t mind. She hugged Kat and Isaac when they came by, and waved at Rodrigo and Maurice just in time for the bell to ring. Then, everyone scattered, going off to their own separate places.

…

The outdoor assembly started not that long after. Lukas heard the bass thumping of the Kinsky High Band as he walked away, towards the school’s parking lot. He slid through a crack in the front gate and walked a few steps before he saw a familiar sight.

An old, beat up, green car stood before him. The front hood was opened, with Cole staring inside of it. Russell was under the car, wrenching in some piece on the bottom frame. And then there was Aaron, who sat atop the car’s head and looked down at the others from below.

“So, how’s it been going so far?” Lukas asked. Cole turned around to reveal a large black stain on his gray hoodie, and a look of irritation on his face.

“Well, the engine just decided to ejaculate oil all over my fucking clothes, but besides that I’d say we’re doing pretty well.” He had sarcastic intonation.

Russell rolled himself out from the bottom, pointing to a toolbox on the sidewalk. “Cole, could you take out a wrench? The big one.”

While Cole moved over to the box, Lukas looked up at Aaron. “And what exactly are you doing?”

Aaron held a half-eaten ham sandwich in his hand, shrugging. “I’m the chief consultant!”

Lukas shook his head, and turned his gaze down to Russell. “Rus, how can I help?”

“Try wrenching in that bolt, right on the flat side of the engine.”

“Just hope it’s on its refractory period,” Cole grumbled as he handed the wrench to Lukas.

The boys worked on the car for a few more minutes, until Russell deemed the job done. He got up from the ground and wiped himself off, looking at Lukas. “Alright man, try running it.”

Lukas grabbed the keys from Cole, and entered the driver’s seat. Inserting the keys, he flipped on the engine. It roared to life.

“Hell yeah, brother!” Aaron cheered. Russell and Cole laughed, and Lukas smiled. But as the boy turned the car back off, his eyes caught a glimpse of something laying on the seat besides him.

It was an old photograph. Of the beach. Maria was in it, posing in front and smiling. Anita was in it too, to Maria’s right — giving a smile herself, a big toothy smile. Lukas fixated on the image for a few moments before he snapped out of it and finally got out of the car.

He high-fived Russell on his way out, throwing the keys back over to Cole. 

“Well, that didn’t take no time at all.” Russell spoke, looking at his phone. “We might still be able to get there for the rest of the assembly.”

“Let’s bounce then,” Aaron mentioned. The boys began to make their way back to the commotion of the football field.

…

“Hello, Kinsky High!” Emily spoke on top of a makeshift podium, looking out at a conglomerate of freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior students. “My name is Emily Bryant, and with me is Ashlyn Monticello. And together, we’re your student government president and vice president!”

Lukas, Russell, Aaron, and Cole peeked out from the top of the bleachers, not wanting to interrupt the procession. They clapped — along with the rest of the students — as Emily finished her line.

“We’re gathered here so that you may come face to face with some of your fellow classmates, which you’ll get to know better as the year goes on. We also want to inform you of some of the major events coming up.”

Lukas moved his eyes across the crowds at the bleachers. He saw Rodrigo, sitting alone near the back. Down near the front he noticed Rose, Maria, and Kat. His eyes rested on Kat for awhile longer. Her hair shimmered a golden hue when it was out in the sun. Occasionally a gust of wind would pick up, blowing her bangs aside — she would move a few fingers and wipe them away, then focus back on the speech. To Lukas, each movement was a gentle pull. A work of art.

“The first events, as you may know, are related to Homecoming.” It was Ash speaking now. “The Homecoming game this year will take place on Friday, September 20th. The dance will be the day after that, on Saturday, September 21st.”

“God, I smell like shit.” Cole muttered from behind Lukas. Russell looked at him.

“I told you, you gotta wash that off ASAP or it’s gonna stain.”

“And where am I gonna wash it? In a water fountain?”

“Damn right, unless you finna smell like dog ass the rest of the day.”

Cole sighed, and rushed down the back steps of the bleachers. The boys turned their attention back to the assembly.

“Later on, the Kinsky Choir will be giving their autumn performance on October 13th. We have the Haunted Mansion on Friday, October 30th. And, finally, the last event of the fall semester will be the Winter Ball on December 13th.”

Ash turned back to Emily, who cleared her throat to pick up the mantle. “With that all said, I’m hoping that all of you have a great semester. Meet new people, do well in your classes, and most importantly…” She turned her eyes to Ash, who nodded in confirmation. The two spoke the last line in unison:

“Go Eagles!”

…

Lukas found part of the group sitting together at lunch. Cole and Sadja both scooted away to make room for him.

“Anyway,” Emily continued the conversation that had started before Lukas came. “I don’t understand why they make us get up and do that whole thing. There’s only so many combinations of, ‘Go get it, guys!’ that I can say.”

“Listen, they don’t even need an excuse for me.” Aaron ate from a bag of chips. “I’ll take any chance I get for a free pass to skip Physics.”

Maria looked over at Cole and Lukas. “Were you guys able to fix the issue?”

“Oh, yeah, fortunately.” Cole took a sip of a bottled water. “I guess the sound was just something that had gone loose. It should be fine to drive.”

Maria smiled. “Thanks, guys.”

“Oh, well… really, it was mostly Rus. We just did what he told us.”

“Russell, right?” Maria considered the name, putting it into the front of her memory. “He seems like a really nice guy.”

“Yeah, he is. Plus-” Cole pointed to himself and Lukas. “-he knows a lot more about cars than us dickheads.”

A couple of the kids looked over at a table on the other side of the courtyard. There sat the main roster of the Kinsky High football team. Among them was Russell, Isaac, and Maurice. Kat was there too, sitting next to Isaac, her head resting on her arm as she focused on the story being told by one of the other players.

“They got too cool for us.” Aaron spoke, sipping orange juice out of a pouch.

Sadja turned towards him. “Didn’t know we were bringing back lunchroom politics.”

“Oh, they’ll come around.” Rodrigo crushed up an empty paper bag in his hand. “Just you wait.”

…

The closing bell rang. Lukas, Rodrigo, Kat, Cole, and Ash all walked out of their final period English class together. 

“First all the summer reading, now a paper this early?” Rodrigo brought up his hands in anguish. “I swear to god, this man has it out for me.”

“You’ll be fine, Rod.” Kat patted him on the back. “Just don’t wait until the last minute to get the whole thing done.”

“You say that like I have any shred of discipline.” Rodrigo broke away from the group, headed down the opposite hallway. “Anyway, I’m outtie. See you guys tomorrow.”

The rest of the group walked down to the front gate. Ash looked up at Kat. “So, you guys already start practice?”

Kat shook her head. “We have the songs lined up, but practice starts next week. It’s mostly just everybody getting acquainted for now.”

“What’s it like being a choir captain, anyway?” Cole asked from the other side of her. Kat turned her head toward him.

“Oh, about how it sounds. Organize the songs, organize the crew, provide moral support. It sounds like more work than it actually is.”

Lukas stayed silent, yet drawn in. Cole made a joke, but Lukas couldn’t hear it. All he heard was Kat’s laugh, her face beaming, her bright blue eyes. 

Cole was the next one to break away, walking to Maria’s car and taking a spot in the passenger seat. The two said something to each other that the others couldn’t hear, then drove off.

“They’ve been spending a lot of time together, huh?” Kat mentioned. She looked at Lukas.

“Yeah, they have.” Lukas snapped out of it. “I mean, they were both probably the closest people to Anita. It makes sense that they’re helping each other… cope with it.”

The mood turned grim. Kat nodded. “Yeah. I get it.”

Lukas got to his car. Kat and Ash both waved at him, then headed to their respective rides. Lukas turned on the car, then thought of the picture again. He thought of Anita. Her toothy smile. He thought of Maria, and Cole, and Kat. He thought of the others. He thought of the birthday party. Then, he drove off.

The post Boys & Girls: “Maria’s Return” appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

State of the Union 2023

Previous entries: 2014, 2015, 2016, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022

And here is the State of the Union for the upcoming year. Boys & Girls chapters will continue to be posted after this!

The post State of the Union 2023 appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

Favorites of 2022

Previous entries: 2019, 2020, 2021

Here’s the clip from my stream where I discuss my favorite stuff in 2022. Next week will be the State of the Union, then the week after we’ll return to Boys & Girls chapters

The post Favorites of 2022 appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

Boys & Girls: “Zero Day”

(This is one of 10 preview chapters for Boys & Girls: Part I. You can see the rest of the chapters on the official page)

(Start from the beginning)

August 25th, 2016

Kinsky, California, USA

Zero Day

It was roughly an hour before the school day started, and Kinsky High was empty save for a few wanderers here and there. When Lukas pulled in with his car, the parking lot was almost entirely empty. He picked a spot close to the front gate.

Out in the courtyard, an array of dozens of identical dark blue metal tables could be surveyed, but only one caught Lukas’ eye. As he approached, he got a better look at Emily, who was writing in a small planner and wore a simple orange-brown knit sweater.

“Yo,” Lukas called out as he approached and put down his backpack across from the girl. Emily’s head turned up, and her eyes sparked in familiarity.

“Hey.”

The boy sat down, unzipping the top of his backpack, fiddling with a few things inside. A red notebook caught his attention, and he remembered what he wanted to ask.

“We both have Reese, right?”

Emily had gone back to her planner after Lukas sat down, but once he spoke again she looked back up. “Oh, that’s right! You sit in the back next to Russell, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah, ha ha…” His laugh was weak. “Well, depending on how things go, I might, ah, need your help in that class. Don’t think Chem is my strong suit.”

Emily chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure you will. You and Russell, both. Don’t worry, you can ask me for help anytime.”

“Thanks, Em.” Lukas scratched the back of his head. “I’ll try not to waste too much of your time with it.”

“Oh, it’s fine. Teaching stuff to other people helps you learn it better. You’ll be helping me, too.”

The two went back to their own activities. Emily checked the planner for a few more minutes, before putting it back into her pack and pulling out a large three ring binder. Lukas took out the red notebook, read two words, then closed it and took out his phone.

Around twenty minutes had passed when Lukas looked up towards the entrance gate to see Rodrigo walking quickly towards their table. Lukas had just opened his mouth to greet him when he slammed his hands down on the table and leaned into the two.

“You guys hear what happened?”

Lukas looked at the teen sideways. He turned his glance over to Emily, only to see her give the same confused expression.

“No… what?” Lukas asked.

Rodrigo took a big exaggerated gasp of air, looking to his sides, behind him, wiping some sweat off his temple. “Uh, can we… go somewhere private?”

Lukas looked around. There were two blonde girls talking at the table next to them, but beyond that the campus was still fairly sparse.

“Rod, there’s literally no one here.”

“I, uh, I… just… let’s go somewhere private, okay?”

Both Lukas and Emily knew Rodrigo was prone to exaggeration, but there was something different about him. Something off. They decided to entertain him, putting their stuff back in their bags and following him to an empty hallway inside one of the classroom buildings. Once they walked in, he looked around and listened. It was silent. He turned back to them, his arms out. 

“Listen,” he whispered to the two. “I-I don’t know what else to say, but… Anita’s been murdered.”

Lukas let out a big sigh, looking away from the two then turning his head back. When he faced them again, he looked at Rodrigo with antagonism.

“Rod, if this is some kind of prank, it’s not fucking funny, okay?”

“It’s not a prank! I’m n-not lying, man! R-R-R-Rose told me about it, said Maria sent it out this morning, to her close friends list!”

Emily put the tips of her fingers to her forehead, and shook her head. “You must’ve just… misinterpreted what Rose said, is all. What you’re telling us is crazy. It’s just crazy.”

“I know it’s crazy, man!” Rodrigo spoke with emphatic whispers, still trying to keep his voice down. “I couldn’t believe it either, but that’s what she told me!”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s…” Lukas hesitated. He turned around and looked out the rectangular window on the door. Two teens passed by the window, laughing about something. “I mean, you said you heard it from Rose, right?” He turned his head back towards Rodrigo. “I’d just… I’d rather hear it from Rose too, is all.”

“Alright. Alright, alright, alright.” Rodrigo walked away from the two, holding his head. “Man, I hope it’s not true too. I hope it’s a big misunderstanding. Because, man…” As he walked down the hallway, he looked back at the two. “I-I’ll see you two later, aight?”

Lukas and Emily waved at him. He walked inside one of the rooms. The two remaining teens walked back out into the courtyard, stopping at a wall nearby.

“You think he’s telling the truth?” Emily looked a bit shell-shocked.

“I think he believes he’s telling the truth. But I don’t know. You know how Rodrigo can get, sometimes.”

Emily shook her head. “God, I hope it’s not true.”

“I don’t want to think about it.” Lukas got off of the wall and walked a few steps forward. “We won’t know whether it’s true until more people talk about it. I don’t want this to worm into my head. In the meantime, let’s just… play it cool.”

…

But it did worm into his head. His entire first period he couldn’t think about anything other than what Rodrigo had said. How he acted. Lukas didn’t even notice until halfway through the class that he never took anything out of his backpack, he just sat down and stared off into space, thinking about the possible reality he now resided in.

The bell rang, and Lukas snapped back to attention. As he walked down the hall to his second class he saw Kat leaning against the wall, phone in her hand. He quickly got out of the foot traffic and leaned against the wall next to her.

“Hey, Kat.”

She looked up. Her eyes met his. But their vibrance was gone. There was a solemness in her expression, an excruciation she couldn’t hide. Her reply composed of pitiful sounds.

“Lukas.” 

Lukas touched her on the shoulder, turning her away from the crowd and towards the wall. He leaned in close and whispered to her.

“Is it true? About Anita?”

Kat brought her finger to the painted-white wall. It shook as it moved its way down the molded plaster between the bricks, then stopped at the intersection.

“Yes.”

Lukas’ heart skipped. A tingling sensation filled the tips of his fingers. An adrenal reaction surged through him, and he began to feel his armpits perspire. 

“She… she was murdered? That’s what Rodrigo told me.”

She looked up. Their eyes met again. She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a door nearby. It led to an empty classroom.

Lukas began to breathe heavily, walking in circles among the desks. Kat leaned against the door, blocking anyone else from entering.

“She wasn’t murdered.”

Lukas stopped. A sense of relief washed over him, but then he turned and saw the same pained expression in her face. There was something more to it.

“What… what happened, then?”

Kat took a deep breath. She tried to find courage, the courage to face what she had to say. But she couldn’t do it, and as tears began to fill up in the rims of her eyes, she took her first attempt at words.

“Lukas…” she said again, with those same pitiful notes, her voice breaking at the second syllable as the world came down and the truth hit her one more time. “She… she killed herself. They found her, hanging against the doorknob to her room.”

A physical, sharp, visceral pain hit Lukas as he heard the words. He shrunk back, his face cringing, his arms covering his head in some vain attempt to protect himself. His voice let out a loud, emphatic “Je-sus!” as he walked to the other end of the room and leaned his forehead against the wall. Silence draped over the two for what seemed like an eternity before Lukas spoke out again.

“How… how’s Maria doing?”

He could hear Kat’s weak voice behind him. “She’s at home. Didn’t want to come to school today, wanted to stay with her mom and the rest of her family.”

Lukas nodded. “Yeah, yeah. That makes sense.” He took his head off the wall, and took half a turn when he suddenly stopped and looked out into white space. The sun was moving, and a bright light came in from the large windows of the classroom, illuminating it. “The last time I saw her… was at Maria’s birthday party.”

Kat didn’t say anything in response. The murmurs and footsteps from behind the wall was all they could hear.

“Listen…” Lukas walked back to the door now, standing next to her. “We’ll get through this. You, me, the Cortezes, all of us. We just have to stay strong.”

“Yeah.” She sniffled, but looked away so that Lukas couldn’t see the tears on her face. With the sleeve of a gray sweatshirt she wiped them off. “Yeah, you’re right.”

…

The rest of the day was a blur. Lukas went in and out of classes, almost autonomously, not really thinking, hearing, or even seeing, but just coping within a numb shell. He didn’t talk to anyone else that day, though he did see a few people here and there. He saw Rose and Sadja whispering to each other in the hallway. He saw Russell and Emily at Chem, and Rodrigo, Kat, Cole, and Ash in English. All of them seemed just as numb, just as blind, as he had. A couple of them sat together at lunch, but Lukas stayed away, brewing in his own thoughts, devising his own plans for how to see the world after that day. 

As the final bell rang and Lukas walked back to his car, he saw Cole leaning against a pillar, waiting for him.

“Hey, man.” Cole greeted him, solemnly but assuredly. The two hugged, patting each other on the back, then broke off and walked together.

“You doing okay?” Lukas asked.

Cole shook his head, trying to find words for the truthful answer. “I’m… trying, I’ll say that much.”

“You need anything — you or Maria — let me know, okay?”

“I will.”

When the two got to the front gate, they saw a white Hellcat parked up front, with two familiar figures leaning against it. One was Rodrigo, who looked up as they came in, his dyed-blonde hair contrasting with his light-brown skin in the sunlight. The other was a black teen, much more tall than any of the others, with a long row of black dreadlocks tied into a tail on the back of his head. He wore reflective sunglasses, circular-shaped, which hid his expression. He was scrolling through his phone, unaware that Lukas and Cole had arrived until the Latino boy spoke up.

“Hey guys,” Rodrigo faced the two teens, pointing to the car. “Rus and I were gonna get Koko’s. Try and get our minds off of things. You two wanna come?”

Lukas and Cole looked at each other, then back at the boy.

“Yeah, sure,” Cole said. Since his friend didn’t have any complaints, Lukas tagged along as well. Russell took the driver seat, while the two new passengers slid into the back.

…

Cole put his head against the window, zoning out and focusing on the rhythm of the car. A Joey Bada$$ song played on the car radio. The other three were engaged in conversation.

“God, I missed Koko’s.” Rodrigo had his elbow leaning on the car door window sill. “That’s the problem ‘bout living in Johnston. No fuckin’ chicken places, man! Not a single one.”

“What do they have, then?” Lukas sat in the back seat, facing Rodrigo in the front from a diagonal. 

“Oh, I’ll tell you what they have. You go down main street, whaddya see?” Rodrigo took out a finger, pointing downwards in a row, simulating a row of buildings. “Chinese, Chinese, Chinese, Chinese, Chinese! That’s cause those are the only people living there besides Gramma, the fuckin’ Chinese!”

Lukas laughed. “Jeez Rod, didn’t know you had such a problem with the Chinese.”

“Nah, nah man. It ain’t that. It’s just, you go eat Samurai Tso’s seven days a week, you get tired of it real fast.”

“Word.” Russell’s voice was deep, and occasionally intimidating. He focused intently on the road before him as he drove into the Koko’s parking lot.

“We going inside?” Rodrigo turned towards Russell.

“Sure thing.”

…

“So, how we looking this year?” Lukas looked up at Russell as he dipped a piece of fried chicken into Koko’s special sauce.

“What, varsity?” Russell was already almost done with his meal. His sunglasses remained on, and the light from the window reflected off them as he moved his head up to face Lukas. 

“Yeah. JV too, just in case.”

“Ah, JV’s a fuckin’ mess, just like always.” Russell shook his head and took a crinkle-cut fry into his hand, dragging it into some ketchup on the side of his plate. “Kids don’t know what the hell they’re doing. Cocky. Varsity, I dunno. It’s mostly just the juniors from last year. Mickey and Law are gone. For new kids, Vinny seems alright. That’s about it, though.”

“Isaac got promoted to starting QB now, right?” Rodrigo spoke with some drumstick still in his mouth.

“That’s true. Let’s see if he gonna lead us somewhere.”

The answer pained Lukas. He turned to his left to look away from the two and saw Cole, staring at the window, off into the blue sky. Cole stayed silent for most of the meal.

“Listen, I get one win on Ravenwood, and I’m good.” Russell looked up to the ceiling light. Rodrigo smirked to himself.

“Man, even if you don’t, you can sleep well knowing that the only place they going to after high school is the federal prison system.”

Russell gave a deep chuckle. Lukas smiled again, taking a bite of the chicken.

“Nah man, I’m serious. I seen what it’s like up there, you got a whole bunch of Ravenwood guys up in jail now, every time a new one comes in they like-” Rodrigo picked up a plastic knife from the table, and pointed it at the three. He spoke in an exaggerated version of his Hispanic accent. “-Ay, hermano! Watch this one, I think he’s a fuckin’ chomo!”

It was at this point that Russell and Lukas bursted out laughing. Rodrigo joined them too, taking delight in his own joke. But Cole stayed silent. All the while he kept his gaze, into that cold blue sky.

…

Russell dropped Cole and Lukas off back at the high school parking lot. Rodrigo called out to them as they walked away.

“See you boys later!” He spoke in a mocking yet well-meaning tone. The two waved back at him.

“Later, guys!” Lukas called back.

They took a few more steps into the parking lot, when they were stopped one more time.

“Hey, Cole.” It was Russell.

Cole turned around.

“I know I don’t know Maria too well, but… let her know me and my family are praying for her, alright?”

Cole didn’t say anything, but did nod. Russell rolled back up the window, and the car drove off.

Lukas and Cole got to their cars, which just happened to be next to each other. “So, what are your plans for the rest of today?” Lukas asked him as he reached for his car door.

“Probably stop by Maria’s. See how she’s doing.”

“Right. Seeya, then.” Lukas got into his car.

Cole got in his, but hesitated. The car door beeped as he looked down at his dashboard. Lukas reversed out and drove off, and there was a sinking sensation in the pit of Cole’s stomach. That this was it.

…

The Cortez House was quiet when Cole arrived in his car. He walked up the porch steps, and rang the doorbell. Almost immediately, Maria was there.

She looked like a mess. Her hair was scattered and she wore no makeup. All she had on was a worn purple sweatshirt with the Phoenix Suns logo and a pair of short black gym shorts. Her eyes were red and tired.

“Hi.” Cole spoke the words softly.

“Hi,” Maria replied. The two went inside.

There was an eeriness for Cole, to enter that house again. The lights were off, and the home was merely illuminated by the daylight that reached inside. The kitchen was barren. As Cole walked into the dining room he looked at the table and saw a few papers, though didn’t get close enough to see what they said. And the house was quiet. Very, very quiet.

The two entered the living room, and sat on the couch. “So…” Cole began, but his words drifted off as he struggled to find the right next thing to say. He couldn’t, so he just spoke what first came to mind. “How are you?”

Maria had her legs up on the couch, hugging them close to her. Her eyes focused on the turned-off TV set in front of her. 

“I can’t even describe to you how it feels. I’m doing a little better now, but…”

She trailed off and never finished. Cole put his hand on her back, and gently rubbed it with his thumb. “You need anything from me?”

“No. You being here is enough.”

There were a few more minutes of silence. The only thing audible was the humming of the A/C unit. Cole took his hand off of her back, and brought his feet up on the couch with her. 

“They’re all thinking about you. Russell, too.” 

Maria’s glance moved down between her knees. She rocked back and forth a few times, then stopped.

“Cole, is it okay if I run something by you?” She whispered the words, turning towards Cole and resting her head on her knee but not looking directly at his face.

“Yeah, of course.” Cole brought his legs back down, but could feel his body begin to tremble. Maria did the same thing with her legs, bringing her hands down to grasp her thighs.

“I… I didn’t tell mom this. I didn’t want to make her more upset than she was already.”

“Wh… what is it?”

She stared at the coffee table. Her mouth opened, then closed. Opened, then closed. Each time struggling to let out words, but never getting quite there. After a few tries, she was finally able to do it.

“Three nights ago, Anita came into my room. She was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said… she said she couldn’t tell me, because someone would hurt her.” Maria was trembling now, tears began streaming down her eyes, landing into her lap. Her fingers clawed into her legs. “A-and I… I tried to get her to tell me, but she wouldn’t say… she never said…” At this point Maria broke out into sobs, her hands moving up from her now bleeding legs, as she tried to stop the tears from pouring down. “S-someone wanted to hurt Anita… my baby… someone wanted to hurt her, a little child… my baby sister… my little sister… oh God, why… oh God, why her? Why?”

Cole caught the girl as she collapsed. She cried into his shoulder hysterically, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tight. Cole held her back, putting his fingers through her hair and stroking it gently, patting her back. He closed his eyes and rocked her in his arms for a few more minutes, before she finally stopped crying and let go.

“Someone did this to Anita.” Maria’s voice was back to the melancholic tone it had been when Cole first arrived. Her eyes looked down towards the ground, but slowly moved up, eventually picking up Cole’s face and locking into his eyes. “I want to find them.”

“I can help you.” Cole’s tone was resolute, if a bit broken.

“No, that’s not what I mean. You don’t have to help me.” But Cole took her wrist with one arm, and put his palm over her hand with the other. 

“I want to. Anita meant just as much to me as she did to you.”

Maria looked down, and thought for a moment. When she looked up again she had a faint smile, the first smile she had all that day. 

“Alright then. We’ll do it together.”

Cole smiled back. The two hugged once more on the old gray couch.

The post Boys & Girls: “Zero Day” appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

Boys & Girls: “The Birthday Party”

(This is one of 10 preview chapters for Boys & Girls: Part I. You can see the rest of the chapters on the official page).

July 19th, 2016

Kinsky, California, USA

The Birthday Party

It was the time of day when the sun cast its last golden hue before retiring to twilight. An old red pickup truck drove up and parked itself on the dirt road outside an old two-story home. A young girl came out from the driver’s seat. She wore a light summer shirt, loose but opaque. She had long blonde hair which she tied into a ponytail at the back of her head. She had on a pair of denim jeans, and a small wrapped box under her arm. 

“Hey, Kat.” A boy on the porch greeted her. He was around her age. She smiled at him.

“Hey, Maurice. Trying to stay away from the crazies inside?”

Maurice shook his head. “Waiting on Emily. She should be here in a few minutes.” He picked up his phone from the metal porch table, its screen flashing for a few brief moments as he glanced at it and put it back down. 

Kat nodded. “Who’s here already?”

“Just Rose, Aaron, and Sadja.”

She looked at him funny. “Cole and Lukas aren’t here yet?”

“Nah. They said they were planning something special. Whatever that means.”

She giggled, then went to open the porch door. “Whatever that means.”

…

In the dining room was a long wooden table with some other wrapped gifts, and a tray of frosted sugar cookies. The sign above the table read, in all caps, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIA, with an assortment of rainbow lettering. 

Kat approached the sign and examined it for a few moments before she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around and saw a Japanese-American girl with shorter dark hair, wearing a spaghetti-strapped black shirt and a pair of jean short-shorts. Kat smiled at her as the new girl made a dramatic bow.

“May I take your baggage, madam?” She asked. Kat took the present from beneath her arm and gave it to the person in front of her.

“Where’s birthday girl?”

The girl pointed off to another room. “Over on the couch with Aaron and Sadja.”

When the girl spoke this line, there was a male voice coming from the other room that beckoned out. “Yo Kat, over here!”

The living room had a single long couch pointed towards a TV. The TV was muted, playing some football game. A speaker in the room played pop music at low volume. In the middle of the brown couch were three teens: an African-American boy named Aaron, an Iranian girl named Sadja, and in between them a Latino girl that Kat knew as Maria.

Kat sat in an armchair that faced the three teens. The Asian from before — Rose — came back in with four sugar cookies. She handed one to each of them. 

“Thank you, lovely,” Aaron spoke as Rose handed him his cookie, kissing her on the cheek. Rose took the kiss and then sat beside him on the couch.

“So, we expecting a full house?” Kat asked the crew on the couch.

“For Maria? Of course we are!” Aaron spoke the words with confidence, but Maria herself came in to correct him.

“Almost. Ash had to cancel.”

Kat’s eyes widened in remembrance. “Shit, that’s right. She had her competition today.”

“She gave me my present in advance. I’ll take that as an apology.” Maria smiled as they heard the sound of the front door opening.

The group turned their heads, and saw Maurice with another girl. She had her hands in the pockets of her brown corduroy jacket. Under it, she wore a plain black shirt. Her hair was frizzy. She was dark-skinned, just like Maurice and Aaron. She had two gold earrings that shined in the light of the room. She smiled at the group. It was Emily.

Emily took the last available seat on the couch, next to Rose. Maurice stood near the door frame, by Kat’s armchair.

Kat looked up at him. “You wanna take this seat?”

He shook his head. “Nah, I’m good.”

“Alright, now it’s becoming a party.” Aaron spoke again, getting up from his seat. “When’s the pizza coming?”

Maria checked her phone. “Ten more minutes, probably.”

“Thank god, I’m starving!”

Rose looked at her boyfriend with suspicion. “You just ate like, three sugar cookies.”

Aaron continued to walk out of the room. “It’s my cheat day!”

“It’s always your cheat day!” Rose called out as he left.

…

The pizza arrived fifteen minutes later. Soon after came Rodrigo and Isaac.

Rodrigo was the first to come. A few minutes before he did, Sadja and Kat were on the porch. They held paper plates and took bites at the pizza resting on top of them. 

“So, how are you and Isaac?” Sadja asked. 

Kat shrugged. “Oh, we’re good.”

Sadja leaned her head in a bit, suspicious. “Wanna elaborate?”

The girl being interrogated looked off into the now pink sky. “Well, he’s been on that trip to Europe with his boy’s club most of the break. So it’s not like we’ve been seeing each other that often.”

Sadja shook her head. “Still can’t believe he did that.”

“Well, I mean, I was studying for the SAT that whole time. So it’s not like I would’ve been that fun to be around anyway.”

“Kat!”

“What?”

A car approached the now crowded path surrounding the house. Out from it came a Latino boy. He eyed the pizza in the girls’ hands. 

“I take it I came at a good time?”

Sadja smirked at him, pointing her hand towards the house. “Pizza’s in the kitchen, Rod.”

He gave her a high-five as he walked past her and through the front door. After he was gone, Sadja continued.

“I don’t think he gives you the attention you need, Kat. That’s all.”

“Well I appreciate your input, but I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”

Sadja sighed. “Well then, how’s apps?”

“Oh, you know. I don’t want to aim too high. Don’t want to disappoint myself.”

“Kat!” 

“I’m joking, I’m joking! I’m just… tryna be conscious of application fees and all that, you know.”

“What have you applied to so far?”

“Oh, the standards. North Cal. Simpson. Uh… Oregon.”

The last name piqued Sadja’s interest. “Oregon is not on the list of standards.”

“Really? I mean, it’s right across the border.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong! I think it’s a great fit for you, I’m just-”

A loud scream in the house. Sadja and Kat froze in place for a moment. After they heard crying they put both of their pizzas on the porch chair and rushed back in to see what the commotion was about.

There was a girl, in the center of them all. But she wasn’t like the others. 

She was a child, not much older than seven. Her hair was short and black and she had the same Hispanic skin that Maria had. The same eyes, too. Light olive eyes. She looked up at the two teens as they walked in. Pearls of tears watered her cheeks.

“Aaron, what the hell did you do?” Rose asked as she looked up from the child and towards him. Aaron brought his hands up defensively.

“I-I don’t know! I just, I must’ve… moved her toys away, while she was still playing. I didn’t mean anything!”

The other teens stood still, except one: Maria, who walked through the crowded room and kneeled down in front of the child, stroking through the child’s short hair.

“It’s okay, Anita.” Maria spoke softly. “He didn’t mean it. He didn’t know you were playing.”

Anita looked at her sister. She sniffled a few times. Maria wiped the tears that rolled down the child’s eyes. The little girl looked at Kat, then at Aaron, and ran off back up the stairs.

The group watched as the girl went back into her upstairs. Emily sighed, and shook her head.

“Sweet Anita…”

Maria turned to Aaron. “I’m sorry, I told her to stay upstairs.”

“No, no it’s fine. It was my fault. I’m the asshole this time, I guess.”

As the group dispersed yet again, the door opened behind Kat. She turned around.

There was a new boy, much taller than the rest. He had short black hair that was trimmed down the sides. He wore a plain white t-shirt with a belted pair of jeans.

“Hey.” Kat whispered as he came close.

“Hey,” he answered back. He kissed her on the forehead and then walked into the house. He turned towards Sadja, pointing to the dinner table. “Presents here?” 

Sadja nodded.

…

The pizza was finished and night had begun. Rose went around and turned on some more lights. Most of the group was now in the living room, with some overflow in the dining area.

“So, where’s your mom, anyway?” Rodrigo asked as he put his phone back down onto the coffee table in front of the couch.

“At work, on late shift.” Maria was on the couch between Kat and Aaron.

“Jeez, must suck having her miss this.”

“Oh, I mean… we’re celebrating as a family tomorrow. But yeah. Woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do.”

“Speaking of missing…” Rose came back to the group after lighting up the room. “We’re an hour in, and Lukas and Cole still aren’t here. What gives?”

“I texted them a couple of minutes ago. Lukas says they’re on their way here.” Kat responded, leaning on Isaac’s shoulder. Isaac had an arm wrapped around her, and her legs were up on the couch.

“Pretty uncharacteristic of them to be this late.”

Kat shrugged, then turned towards Maria. “What do you wanna do?”

Maria looked down at the coffee table. Her thumbs rubbed against each other in her lap. “I mean, I don’t know. If they’re coming in a few minutes, I guess we might as well start the cake now.”

Aaron sighed. “They’re missing all the food. That’s the best part.”

Kat looked at him. “I thought the friends were the best part.”

“That’s a close second.”

The group got up and met the others in the dining area. As Rose got the cake out from the fridge, Maria looked around at who was present.

“Hey Kat,” she said as Kat came close. “Can you go find Sadja and tell her that the cake is ready?”

Kat nodded. “Sure thing.” 

Kat opened the door to the porch, only to find no sign of Sadja. No sign of Cole or Lukas, either. She moved her way to the back door, to the small yard the house had. There was a cheap plastic slide, some outdoor toys thrown about, and a dog house that hadn’t been used in many years. No Sadja.

As the others began to sit down at the dining table and Rose placed the candles into the cake, Kat walked past them and up the stairs. She was about to knock on the bathroom door when she saw a sliver of light and some inaudible whispers coming from the room opposite. Anita’s room.

She opened the door a tad. Anita was standing there, looking at Sadja. Sadja looked back, kneeling down in front of the girl, holding the child’s arm and rubbing her hand. When they heard Kat come in, both of them looked up.

“Hey, Sadja… cake is ready.”

Sadja smiled, and got up. Kat turned toward the little girl.

“You can come too, Anita.”

Anita looked down at her feet. Her eyes were solemn. “Um,” her little voice whispered, just loud enough to be audible. “Is he here?”

Katie looked confused. “Is who here?”

The conversation never continued beyond that. Just then, the two teen girls on the second floor heard the front door open one last time. A symphony of happy cheers and chuckles could be heard downstairs. 

Katie left the room, and looked down to the bottom floor. There, in the door frame, were the two people she knew better than anyone else: Cole Mulaney and Lukas Schrodden. 

…

Cole had short black hair, which in the shimmer of light almost appeared to be a navy blue. The hair was styled to be an organized mess. He sat on an extra chair leaning against the dining room wall. He wore a gray shirt with the words KINSKY HIGH in blue with a white eagle logo below it. He crossed his legs and sat listening to the conversation of the others, his head resting on top of his arms.

Lukas stood behind the birthday girl, watching as Rose brought the lit-up cake to her. He had blonde, wavy hair. He was more on the slim side — in comparisonr to Maurice and Isaac, who were well-muscled — and wore a white t-shirt with a fashion logo of some kind. 

“So, are we singing?” Rose asked as she sat down the cake.

“No, no, no. We are absolutely not singing.” Maria waved her hands around in defiance.

“You gotta at least make a wish,” Cole called out from the side.

She thought for a moment, then smiled and shrugged. “That I could do.”

“Just be careful, it might come true,” Isaac spoke from the other end of the table. It elicited a couple of laughs.

Maria closed her eyes, took a deep breath in, and began thinking. The lights of the birthday flames danced across her face. Lukas and Rose leaned in, entranced by the lights themselves. The others, both at and away from the table, watched on in anticipation.

Finally, Maria opened her eyes again. She took another deep breath, and blew out the candles. The room turned dark.

…

Kat barely took a bite of her cake before Lukas patted her on the back.

“Hey, Kat, can you check something out for a sec? I need your opinion.”

Kat put the cake down on the drawer next to her, and followed Lukas into the backyard. As he unlocked the fence gate, Kat took a good look at him.

“Does this have something to do with the ‘special’ thing you had planned?”

Lukas smiled. “Ah, so Rose told you.”

“Maurice, actually.” Lukas began opening the gate as Kat spoke. “I just hope it’s something good enough to justify you guys missing most of the- oh, holy shit!”

Out on the dirt road behind the house was a green car. It was old, and perhaps in a bit of disrepair, but it was a car in full form. Cole was out standing beside it; when the two walked closer, he brought his arms up and looked at Kat.

“Eh? Ehhhh?” he said, expecting her reaction.

“How… how much did you guys pay for this?” As Kat got closer, Lukas moved towards the back of the car, inspecting some parts behind one of the tires. Cole replaced him, standing next to Kat and basking in the full extent of the vehicle.

“Well, here’s the part you can’t tell Maria. We, uh… got it used, down in Montgomery. We split, and each paid…” Cole looked toward Lukas. “Two-fifty?” Lukas nodded. “Two-fifty. So five hundred total.”

Kat’s face morphed into one of concern. “Does… does it work?”

“Well, we… uhh…” Cole looked at Kat, then looked at the car, then looked back at Kat again. “We drove it here, at least.” 

“It was a fixer-upper, but it should work now,” Lukas called out as he continued to walk around the car, inspecting it. “We’ve been working on it all week. It’s the main reason we were an hour late.”

“You know, we figure… having to borrow someone else’s car, or take the bus, this far out from everyone else… it’s gotta suck.” Cole scratched the back of his head. Kat stared at the car for a little bit longer. The summer wind blew her bangs into her eyes, and when she wiped them away she had a smile now, brighter than any one she had earlier in the day.

“I think she’ll love it.” 

…

The group gathered out in the back. Cole sat cross-legged on the car’s hood while Kat brought out Maria, covering the girl’s eyes with her hands. 

“Alright, we’re here,” Kat whispered. She removed her hands from Maria’s eyes. Maria took a few seconds to blink. And then her eyes widened.

“Oh… guys… Oh my god…”

Cole got up from the hood, and both he and Lukas brought their arms up for a high-five with Maria. But she dodged their arms, and instead wrapped hers around the two in a tight hug.

“Thank you, both of you… so much.”

Rose gave a little cheer, which caused a cascade of clapping from the others. As the small lamp posts among the fence lit up the occasion, Katie stood by the gate, hands on her hips, watching the three. 

…

Cole was standing by the living room door frame, eating his cake, watching a few of his friends play a board game. Out from the corner of the couch, he saw Anita play with a little doll, shimmying it along one of the windows. When it hit the other side, she turned around and caught a look at Cole. Cole smiled at her. Anita looked down and walked briskly back behind the couch.

“She’s shy today,” a voice behind Cole said. It was Maria, who had a plastic cup of soda in her hand. She leaned against the other side of the door frame, leaving just enough room for people to pass through.

“Yeah, of course.” Cole took a fork to his cake slice. “If I was a kid and all these people were here, I’d be a little freaked out too.”

Cole took a bite of the cake. Maria looked down and rubbed her foot into the carpet.

“Hey, Cole… thanks.”

“Oh, I-” The statement caught him off guard, and he coughed a bit as the cake went down. “Well, it was mostly Lukas. He found the Craigslist ad, and he told me about it, and I just gave him some mon-”

“No. I mean, for everything.”

Cole looked up from his plate. His glance met Maria’s. In the light he could see her green irises glistening, shining off the lens of her eyes. She continued.

“Helping us, while mom was gone. It… wasn’t easy getting used to the new schedule. You, Rose, Sadja, Lorenzo — I don’t know what I would have done without you guys.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course.” Cole looked back down to his plate, and cut out another piece. “How’s Mama Cortez been doing, anyway?”

“She’s been well. Despite everything, of course. She’s gotten used to the changes now, I think.”

Cole smiled. “I’m glad. Hopefully things eventually come back to normal.”

“Well, once I move out — for college and all that — it’ll just be her and Anita, and maybe that will make things a little bit more manageable.”

“I still can’t believe he up and left like he did.”

Maria waved her hand. “I don’t want to linger on that.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I just want you to know… you’re welcome here.”

The conversation between the two slowed down after that. Their eyes turned towards the friends playing at the table, and they watched in silence until it was their turn to join in.

…

It was now 9 pm, and the party was over. Kat walked down the front steps, her arm around Isaac’s, when the two were stopped by Cole.

“Uhh, hey, Kat?”

Kat turned around and saw the black-haired boy with Lukas coming down the steps behind him. “What’s up?”

“So, uh, minor lapse in judgment…” Cole pointed over beyond the Cortez House. “Lukas and I drove together in the car, that we now… gave to Maria. So we need a ride outta here.”

Kat briefly let go of her boyfriend’s arm to approach Cole. “That’s no prob. I can drive you two back in the pickup. One of you will have to be in the bed, though.”

As Kat got close, Cole took a hand and pulled her aside. He leaned over to her ear, and whispered.

“Or, we can take the pickup and you can go home with that man of yours.”

Kat looked over and smiled at Isaac. Isaac, hands crossed, smiled back. Kat leaned into Cole’s ear. 

“Just don’t break anything, alright?”

“Please. We’re car lovers, not car breakers.” 

Kat broke away from Cole, giggling. “God, you’re so dumb.”

Cole began to walk backwards towards the old red pickup truck. He stuck out his hand, and gave an exaggerated wave towards Kat. “Have fun!”

But there was one detail neither realized. When Lukas began following Cole to the truck, he saw the two lovers head together in the other direction. Isaac put a hand around Kat’s shoulder. Kat laughed. There was something to the occasion that dropped his heart, something that made him feel sick, even though he didn’t show it. He watched the two from a distance as they entered Isaac’s car. 

…

Isaac’s blue sedan drove across the dirt roads, away from the house and back into town. The light bumps and sounds of the road calmed Kat. Relaxed, she put her head on Isaac’s shoulder. The feeling and smell of his shirt, the light up-and-down of the vehicle, made her feel safe. Her eyelids slowly closed, and she eventually drifted off to sleep.

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Why Did Photographers Embrace NFTs, but Artists Didn’t?

The above image depicts a group of randomly selected Twitter accounts from JBR’s research on creatives. As you can tell, those on the left are pro-NFT — they have their own collections — whereas those on the right are anti-NFT. What makes this especially interesting, however, is that everyone on the right is a traditional artist, whereas everyone on the left is a photographer.

These results are, for the most part, not cherry-picked. There are a handful of artists who are pro-NFT (there were no photographers that were anti-NFT), but for the most part things lined up in these neat little bundles. If you were a photographer and had an opinion on NFTs, it was positive. If you were an artist, it was negative.

At first, I thought there was a mistake in the data. I thought that somehow we must have gotten ourselves into the “NFT photographer community” and exclusively picked our photographers from there. But no, most photographers in the database didn’t have strong connections to the others. Same with the artists. This means that this dichotomy seemed to appear naturally.

But why?

There is, on the surface, no good reason why these two groups would vote opposingly. Photographers and artists have had their historical differences sure, but it doesn’t seem like an all-encompassing issue such as NFTs would create any conflict. By all rational means, both artists and photographers should agree one way or another.

If you’ve read this blog before, you know that I don’t have a particularly strong opinion of NFTs one way or another (outside of some specific use cases). But when I saw this strange dichotomy, I had to figure out what was causing it. I had to dive deeper.

Now that I’ve thought on it, I see three potential reasons for it existing.

Are Artists Naturally More Pessimistic?

Most traditional artists are socialists. It’s likely part due to their jealousy for their capitalistic brethren, and part due to the natural liberal slant of creativity. But it’s never just been about money. When photography was developing in the 1900s, many artists believed it a threat to their livelihood. They made the same argument on the release of digital art tools, and now again with art generation. So maybe it’s not political. Maybe they’re just pessimistic.

Artists are stubborn about this. In some ways, it’s a good thing — they sniff out bullshit rather quickly. In other ways, it causes embarrassingly incorrect rumors to circulate rather quickly, causing them to lose out on opportunities that would be good for them. With NFTs, it was somewhere in the middle. In many ways they were right in avoiding the hype, even though misinformation was abound.

When it comes to photographers, I think they’re more like everyone else. They took the whole NFT thing in stride just like everyone else. That’s one possible explanation.

Do Photographers Have More of a Technology Slant?

Another thing is that photographers seem to be more in-tune with technology. Photography in itself is tech, whereas art — for art’s sake — is not. Photography is art, sure, and artists do use new tools like Krita and Wacom. But there are incentives for people who practice photography to catch up with the latest technological trends that is not the case for traditional artists. There is also the fact that there tends to be correlation for those who are in tech to have photography as a hobby, as opposed to traditional art.

With this tech background in mind, it makes sense that photographers would be more interested in the prospect of NFTs than their fellows in the art community. Would also explain why there’s still some traditional artists who did decide to go the NFT route — they were simply more tech-savvy.

Is Photography “Easier”?

This last argument is one I take the least seriously, but is still fun to consider. In order to draw any artwork (even bad ones), there is some level of effort involved. You have to get out the art program, draw the strokes, shapes, color it in, etc. With photography, it is as simple as taking out your phone and pressing a button.

Now, if you look at the quality of the top NFT photographers, you know this is obviously not the case. But what about the average? Could it be that there are a few no-gooders who saw potential in NFTs, didn’t have any artistic skill, and just decided to take photographs willy nilly? And did they make any money doing it?

The only evidence in favor of this take is that there was a big uptick in NFT artists after artgen got big with Stable Diffusion. This, of course, made art as easy as pressing a button. But you could also argue the technology slant here — people who are interested in NFTs are also interested in artgen, simple as.

Regardless of the reason, it’s an interesting case to think about. And I wonder, when some of these other new tech innovations emerge, if there will be more curious divisions like this.

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Changing to Fit the Times

We often say that people succeed because they’re in the right place at the right time — but what if you change yourself to fit this place and this time?

I’ve always had beef with luck on this blog. I do believe luck is involved in success, and it serves as an alpha — we know most of luck can be explained away with hard work, skills, etc., but there is still some pieces to success that we genuinely don’t know the answer to.

One big piece of this puzzle revolves around timing. There are many famous cases of important pieces of technology being invented — lightbulbs, flight, computers — then forgotten, only for them to come back into light years later and be huge successes. Hard work can be augmented, and skill can mostly be achieved, but what about time?

Well, let’s face it: if you’re trying to invent the computer in the 1850s, you’re shit out of luck. But there’s two consequences of that. The first is that it is not necessarily bad to work on those things. Experiments lay the groundwork for future iterations, and those future iterations will more likely than not give you a share of the credit (which is exactly what they did for Babbage and Lovelace). But more importantly, those experiments can lay the groundwork for more fundamental skills — in other words, help with projects that are more historically relevant.

This is why it pays to experiment with a lot of things at once. You can’t tell what short-term future trends will hold, and by the time trends are current it’s too late to hop on them. It’s better to try some stuff, if its growth is stagnant then throw it out, and if its growth is great then follow the tug and do something more along those lines. But even for the things you throw out, make sure the breadcrumbs are still there — you never know if they might be useful to someone later down the line.

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