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Boys & Girls: Part II – Phase Change, I

[Note: BOYS & GIRLS: PART II is under production, and this preview may contain lines and content that do not reach the final book. In addition, this book assumes that you have read PART I all the way through. You can read more about Part I here.]

January 1st, 2017
Kinsky, California, USA
Phase Change, I

The next morning a few of the girls went out to downtown to try and distract themselves from everything that had happened the night before. They met at the same cafe they usually had breakfast at, though this time the table was much more quiet than before.

“How’s Lukas been feeling, Kat?” Sadja asked out of concern, the first break into the events of before.

“I haven’t talked to him much since we left yesterday,” Kat replied, swirling her coffee. “I mean, I’m still really upset about it too. But with him it can be hard to tell. He doesn’t… show his emotions that often, you know?”

Emily nodded her head. “Guys can be like that. Sometimes I ask Maurice how he’s feeling and he gives me the stonewall. It’s just the way they’re raised in comparison to us.”

“Though it would certainly help if they could learn to talk more,” Sadja added. “Would save us all a lot of time.”

Kat, eager to move on to a different topic, looked over at Ash, who had been sitting quietly at the far end of the table the whole time. “What about you? How have things been going with Alto?”

The question only served to further dampen Ash’s mood. “Well… it’s complicated.”

“Did you get waitlisted?” Emily asked, not knowing yet what had happened either.

Ash shook her head. “I got in, but… it’s just a lot more expensive than I thought it would be. So now I’m not sure if I’ll go.”

Kat looked frustrated. “Is there anyway you can get more scholarships? I mean… usually they should pay the tuition of anyone who can’t afford it, right?”

Sadja shook her head. “If only it actually worked that way, Kat,” she muttered, mostly to herself.

Ash answered Kat more directly. “It’s… complicated. It’s how much you should be able to pay, and my parents… well, they aren’t big savers. There’s other factors involved too, like how much you could afford in loans, or working on campus, stuff like that.”

“Sounds like some bullshit to me,” Kat answered, the irritation growing in her face and tone. “If you have the willingness to accept someone you ought to have the willingness to pay their expenses also.”
Before the conversation about Alto could push any farther, the sound of phone notifications going off hit the far side of the table. Both Sadja and Emily, curious, turned to their phone to see a brand new text.

“Did you guys just get a message from Rose?” Sadja asked allowed, opening the message up.

Kat, who had her phone next to her coffee, quickly swiped it open. “Nope, I got nothing.” Ash shook her head as well.

“Huh, weird,” Sadja commented.

“What’s it about?”

Emily, who had read the message and felt some sensitivity with its request, quickly disarmed the rest of the conversation. “Oh, Rose just wants the two of us to help her with something at the house I think. Probably just needed us because we live closer.”

Kat shrugged. “Well, guess we should pack up then.”

…

With Sadja in the driver seat, she and Emily began the trip down Kinsky’s dirt roads towards the Cortez house.

“What do you think it’s about?” Sadja asked, slightly nervous. “Rose seemed pretty cryptic in the message.”

“I don’t know. Maybe Maria’s really upset,” responded Emily, her eyes peeling towards the trees they passed.

“God, I just feel awful for her,” Sadja said somberly. “Awful and helpless. I feel that way for everything, really. At this point I can’t think too hard about it or else I just start crying.”

Emily turned towards Sadja, a sympathetic look on her face. “It’s been hard on all of us. We just got to push forward. For Maria and ourselves.”

Sadja nodded, clearly keeping her own tears in. “Wise words as always, Em.”

The two drove up to the Cortez house, where they saw Rose’s car still parked there. They parked next to it then walked over to the front door. They had scarcely waited a minute after ringing the doorbell before Rose opened it for them.

“It’s just you two, right?” she asked, looking at them.

Sadja began to feel uneasy. “Yeah… it’s just us.”

Rose nodded, and opened the door widely so the two could come in. There at the dining table they saw Maria, sitting alone with her head down, who suddenly turned up and looked at them once they entered.

“Go ahead, sit down,” Rose said softly.

Sadja began to be reminded of her interrogation with Cole some months before. Her heart began to beat quicker. She knew something was wrong. Emily could guess more or less the same.

The two girls sat across from Maria, with Rose sitting next to her. “Okay… tell them what you told me,” she said.

Maria looked up at Sadja and Emily. “Cole… um…” It hurt her to say the name now. “I have, reason to think… that he was involved in Anita’s death.”

Sadja looked tense. “What do you mean?”

“Cole sexually abused her,” Rose blurted out, her frustration now audible in her voice. “He was the reason she killed herself.”

The entire room turned silent. Sadja and Emily had no words to give. Sadja, in particular, felt her tongue go dry and her eyes begin to water.

“I had begun to suspect him a little while ago,” Maria finally interjected, hoping to give more context. “I was able to rule out anyone who Anita knew that I didn’t, and any strangers. All my family, friends… everyone but Cole. And the more I looked into it, the more it began to make sense… and then I finally confronted him about it, a few nights ago.”

“What’d he say?” Emily asked softly.

Maria paused, as if she almost didn’t want to admit the truth about it. As if it hurt to say.

“He all but confirmed it. It was him.”

Sadja began to cry, though she tried to hide it. She kept a straight face, breathing steady, but the tears still began to flood down her cheeks. The other girls did not think to mention it.

“So…” she began to say, carefully. “What… happens now?”

“We need to tell everyone,” Rose interjected. “Right now everyone still sees Cole as the good guy. We need to make sure the truth gets out there, for Anita’s sake.”
Emily, however, saw that Maria’s head was still hung low. She questioned further.

“But what do you want to do?” she asked Maria directly.

“I… I don’t know,” Maria admitted, not looking up. “I know how many people like Cole, and… I just really don’t want to turn this into a big deal.”

“That’s exactly the problem,” Rose called out, getting out of her seat. “If we do nothing, everybody is going to just think that Cole was just some nice, pretty, soft spoken guy who ended up being troubled. They need to know the truth, Maria!”

It was clear Maria was uncomfortable with the boy’s fate being in her hands. Sadja interjected.

“Rose, stop,” she called out. “It’s her decision.”

Rose looked irritated, but she did as asked. Maria stayed silent for a few moments, playing nervously with her hands, before she looked up at the only person not yet to have spoken.

“What do you think, Emily?”

The other two also looked her way. Emily took a deep breath, as if to focus all her energy and intellect, and then spoke.

“Well, it’s clear you don’t want to release the floodgates on this. And I think that’s smart. There’s a lot of people who really liked Cole and… this soon after his death, if this is true… it’s going to cause a lot of problems.”

Rose didn’t say anything, but continued to stand, leaning against a nearby cupboard. Emily continued.

“We should start slow, tell people just a few at a time like how you told us. Starting with the people we know closest, of course. In the meantime, any further evidence you can gather that Cole was the one who hurt Anita… any tangible evidence you can find, at all…”

Maria nodded. “That sounds like a good plan.”

“You think Kat or Lukas would know anything that would help?” Sadja came in to say. “Not that they know about any of this, but they were close enough to Cole that they might be able to corroborate on anything else we find.”

“Maybe. But…” Rose spoke up again. “It’s gonna be hard to bring it up to them in the first place.”

“Rose is right,” Emily answered, nodding. “Those two are both the most important people to tell this to, as well as the ones we have to be the most tactful with. I’d say we start with Kat and then have her help us find a way to tell Lukas.”

There was once again a silence that crossed the group. Dread filled the air. Maria, who was sitting in thought with her head supported by her arm, nodded. “Alright, we’ll keep in touch.”

Emily and Sadja left soon after. They figured it was better not to stay and they still needed time to process what all this meant anyway. Rose stayed a little longer with Maria, not mentioning the elephant in the room but rather helping her cook lunch and clean up around the house. Then, around mid-afternoon, she left too.

The post Boys & Girls: Part II – Phase Change, I appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

Boys & Girls: Part II – New Years

[Note: BOYS & GIRLS: PART II is under production, and this preview may contain lines and content that do not reach the final book. In addition, this book assumes that you have read PART I all the way through. You can read more about Part I here.]

January 1st, 2017
Kinsky, California, USA
Phase Change, I

The next morning a few of the girls went out to downtown to try and distract themselves from everything that had happened the night before. They met at the same cafe they usually had breakfast at, though this time the table was much more quiet than before.

“How’s Lukas been feeling, Kat?” Sadja asked out of concern, the first break into the events of before.

“I haven’t talked to him much since we left yesterday,” Kat replied, swirling her coffee. “I mean, I’m still really upset about it too. But with him it can be hard to tell. He doesn’t… show his emotions that often, you know?”

Emily nodded her head. “Guys can be like that. Sometimes I ask Maurice how he’s feeling and he gives me the stonewall. It’s just the way they’re raised in comparison to us.”

“Though it would certainly help if they could learn to talk more,” Sadja added. “Would save us all a lot of time.”

Kat, eager to move on to a different topic, looked over at Ash, who had been sitting quietly at the far end of the table the whole time. “What about you? How have things been going with Alto?”

The question only served to further dampen Ash’s mood. “Well… it’s complicated.”

“Did you get waitlisted?” Emily asked, not knowing yet what had happened either.

Ash shook her head. “I got in, but… it’s just a lot more expensive than I thought it would be. So now I’m not sure if I’ll go.”

Kat looked frustrated. “Is there anyway you can get more scholarships? I mean… usually they should pay the tuition of anyone who can’t afford it, right?”

Sadja shook her head. “If only it actually worked that way, Kat,” she muttered, mostly to herself.

Ash answered Kat more directly. “It’s… complicated. It’s how much you should be able to pay, and my parents… well, they aren’t big savers. There’s other factors involved too, like how much you could afford in loans, or working on campus, stuff like that.”

“Sounds like some bullshit to me,” Kat answered, the irritation growing in her face and tone. “If you have the willingness to accept someone you ought to have the willingness to pay their expenses also.”
Before the conversation about Alto could push any farther, the sound of phone notifications going off hit the far side of the table. Both Sadja and Emily, curious, turned to their phone to see a brand new text.

“Did you guys just get a message from Rose?” Sadja asked allowed, opening the message up.

Kat, who had her phone next to her coffee, quickly swiped it open. “Nope, I got nothing.” Ash shook her head as well.

“Huh, weird,” Sadja commented.

“What’s it about?”

Emily, who had read the message and felt some sensitivity with its request, quickly disarmed the rest of the conversation. “Oh, Rose just wants the two of us to help her with something at the house I think. Probably just needed us because we live closer.”

Kat shrugged. “Well, guess we should pack up then.”

…

With Sadja in the driver seat, she and Emily began the trip down Kinsky’s dirt roads towards the Cortez house.

“What do you think it’s about?” Sadja asked, slightly nervous. “Rose seemed pretty cryptic in the message.”

“I don’t know. Maybe Maria’s really upset,” responded Emily, her eyes peeling towards the trees they passed.

“God, I just feel awful for her,” Sadja said somberly. “Awful and helpless. I feel that way for everything, really. At this point I can’t think too hard about it or else I just start crying.”

Emily turned towards Sadja, a sympathetic look on her face. “It’s been hard on all of us. We just got to push forward. For Maria and ourselves.”

Sadja nodded, clearly keeping her own tears in. “Wise words as always, Em.”

The two drove up to the Cortez house, where they saw Rose’s car still parked there. They parked next to it then walked over to the front door. They had scarcely waited a minute after ringing the doorbell before Rose opened it for them.

“It’s just you two, right?” she asked, looking at them.

Sadja began to feel uneasy. “Yeah… it’s just us.”

Rose nodded, and opened the door widely so the two could come in. There at the dining table they saw Maria, sitting alone with her head down, who suddenly turned up and looked at them once they entered.

“Go ahead, sit down,” Rose said softly.

Sadja began to be reminded of her interrogation with Cole some months before. Her heart began to beat quicker. She knew something was wrong. Emily could guess more or less the same.

The two girls sat across from Maria, with Rose sitting next to her. “Okay… tell them what you told me,” she said.

Maria looked up at Sadja and Emily. “Cole… um…” It hurt her to say the name now. “I have, reason to think… that he was involved in Anita’s death.”

Sadja looked tense. “What do you mean?”

“Cole sexually abused her,” Rose blurted out, her frustration now audible in her voice. “He was the reason she killed herself.”

The entire room turned silent. Sadja and Emily had no words to give. Sadja, in particular, felt her tongue go dry and her eyes begin to water.

“I had begun to suspect him a little while ago,” Maria finally interjected, hoping to give more context. “I was able to rule out anyone who Anita knew that I didn’t, and any strangers. All my family, friends… everyone but Cole. And the more I looked into it, the more it began to make sense… and then I finally confronted him about it, a few nights ago.”

“What’d he say?” Emily asked softly.

Maria paused, as if she almost didn’t want to admit the truth about it. As if it hurt to say.

“He all but confirmed it. It was him.”

Sadja began to cry, though she tried to hide it. She kept a straight face, breathing steady, but the tears still began to flood down her cheeks. The other girls did not think to mention it.

“So…” she began to say, carefully. “What… happens now?”

“We need to tell everyone,” Rose interjected. “Right now everyone still sees Cole as the good guy. We need to make sure the truth gets out there, for Anita’s sake.”
Emily, however, saw that Maria’s head was still hung low. She questioned further.

“But what do you want to do?” she asked Maria directly.

“I… I don’t know,” Maria admitted, not looking up. “I know how many people like Cole, and… I just really don’t want to turn this into a big deal.”

“That’s exactly the problem,” Rose called out, getting out of her seat. “If we do nothing, everybody is going to just think that Cole was just some nice, pretty, soft spoken guy who ended up being troubled. They need to know the truth, Maria!”

It was clear Maria was uncomfortable with the boy’s fate being in her hands. Sadja interjected.

“Rose, stop,” she called out. “It’s her decision.”

Rose looked irritated, but she did as asked. Maria stayed silent for a few moments, playing nervously with her hands, before she looked up at the only person not yet to have spoken.

“What do you think, Emily?”

The other two also looked her way. Emily took a deep breath, as if to focus all her energy and intellect, and then spoke.

“Well, it’s clear you don’t want to release the floodgates on this. And I think that’s smart. There’s a lot of people who really liked Cole and… this soon after his death, if this is true… it’s going to cause a lot of problems.”

Rose didn’t say anything, but continued to stand, leaning against a nearby cupboard. Emily continued.

“We should start slow, tell people just a few at a time like how you told us. Starting with the people we know closest, of course. In the meantime, any further evidence you can gather that Cole was the one who hurt Anita… any tangible evidence you can find, at all…”

Maria nodded. “That sounds like a good plan.”

“You think Kat or Lukas would know anything that would help?” Sadja came in to say. “Not that they know about any of this, but they were close enough to Cole that they might be able to corroborate on anything else we find.”

“Maybe. But…” Rose spoke up again. “It’s gonna be hard to bring it up to them in the first place.”

“Rose is right,” Emily answered, nodding. “Those two are both the most important people to tell this to, as well as the ones we have to be the most tactful with. I’d say we start with Kat and then have her help us find a way to tell Lukas.”

There was once again a silence that crossed the group. Dread filled the air. Maria, who was sitting in thought with her head supported by her arm, nodded. “Alright, we’ll keep in touch.”

Emily and Sadja left soon after. They figured it was better not to stay and they still needed time to process what all this meant anyway. Rose stayed a little longer with Maria, not mentioning the elephant in the room but rather helping her cook lunch and clean up around the house. Then, around mid-afternoon, she left too.

The post Boys & Girls: Part II – New Years appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

Automate the Boring Stuff with ChatGPT

So, as the title suggests, I want to talk about automating boring stuff with ChatGPT. In the past, we had of course “Automating the Boring Stuff with Python,” but now it’s even easier to delegate relatively mindless or time-consuming tasks to ChatGPT at a minimal or no cost.

Firstly, it’s important to note that ChatGPT is not flawless. If you expect it to provide a 100% correct answer right away, you will be disappointed. This limitation applies to any generative AI, and it’s unlikely to change within the next 18 months, even under the most optimistic circumstances.

ChatGPT does not possess instant knowledge on every topic. It can provide a summary or a basic understanding of a subject, but it may not be perfect from the start. To understand how GPT works, it essentially scrapes information from the internet and uses that as the basis for its responses. The quality of ChatGPT’s answers depends on the frequency of searches, discussions, and information available online regarding a particular topic. For example, if you search for “why is the sky blue,” which is a common question with numerous online resources, ChatGPT will likely provide an accurate answer. However, if you ask about something obscure like Game Maker Studio, it may give you a response that is somewhat related but not necessarily applicable, especially if the information is outdated due to software updates.

Now let’s explore some examples of how ChatGPT can be used. One practical application is generating content for videos and shorts. While I usually write most of my videos and blog content myself, there are times when I need to quickly produce something for experimental purposes. In such cases, I rely on ChatGPT to generate the content. There are services like Kapwing or Canva that combine ChatGPT with other integrations to create videos. However, it’s worth noting that the generated writing may be mediocre, and for topics like TikTok, which ChatGPT may not fully understand, the generated content may not accurately reflect the platform’s principles.

Another valuable use case is transcribing and summarizing. For instance, the written version of this video on my blog is generated by ChatGPT. It takes the transcript of what I’ve said, determines the important points, and provides a concise summary. While it’s recommended to watch the video for the full experience, the written summary is convenient for those seeking quick information.

ChatGPT can also assist with programming help. It performs well when it comes to common programming languages, such as HTML or popular frameworks like React and Vue, due to the abundance of online resources available. However, for more obscure languages or versions with significant differences, ChatGPT’s assistance may be limited. For example, if you’re using an outdated version of a game engine like Game Maker Studio or Unreal Engine, the advice provided by ChatGPT may not be applicable to the current version.

In terms of work-related tasks, ChatGPT can help automate the initial setup, allowing you to focus on editing and debugging. Similarly, for day-to-day activities, ChatGPT can provide recipe suggestions based on the ingredients you have in your fridge. While it may occasionally add additional ingredients, you can easily modify the recipe to suit your needs.

Lastly, ChatGPT can be used for tech support. If you’re facing a specific issue and struggling to find relevant information online, you can describe the problem in detail to ChatGPT. It can guide you through troubleshooting steps, providing recommendations and solutions. However, just like with other use cases, ChatGPT’s effectiveness depends on the popularity and prevalence of the issue online.

To conclude, these are a few examples of how ChatGPT can be utilized to automate tasks that you may not enjoy, such as clearing out your fridge, content writing, coding quick projects, or finding solutions to frustrating problems. While ChatGPT is not perfect, it can alleviate some of the burdens associated with these tasks.

The post Automate the Boring Stuff with ChatGPT appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

Practice and Mysticism

So one thing that I always find fun is connecting mystical and esoteric ideas from the past to the present. For example, in Greek mythology, each god represented a different aspect of human existence. Poseidon, for instance, symbolized the power of the sea. While the Greeks may not have believed in the literal existence of these gods, the concept of powerful forces tied to elements like water, electricity, love, and war still holds value. It’s interesting to explore these ideas and recognize the rationality behind what may seem like mysticism.

I’ve previously discussed Stoicism and Buddhism on the blog, which share similar core beliefs about suffering and finding peace through reflection and patience. Despite originating in different regions and times, they have become enduring philosophies. Even other religions like Christianity and Judaism, which have a single god, share similar virtues and teachings with Buddhism and Stoicism.

Another concept worth exploring is Chakras, which originated in Asia. While there may not be an exact equivalent in Europe, the idea of spirits serves a similar purpose. Chakras represent different emotions such as happiness, anger, fear, and sadness. Conditioning and fasting on Chakras are methods used to control and get accustomed to these emotions. This is similar to psychological techniques like exposure therapy, where phobias are gradually overcome by gradually increasing exposure to the fear-inducing stimulus.

Accelerationism and doom ecology are more recent ideas that are not widely accepted. Accelerationism suggests that by worsening a cycle, we can reach the positive part faster. Doom ecology proposes that by allowing the destruction of an ecosystem to occur rapidly, it can lead to a faster process of renewal and revival. While these concepts are intriguing, they may not be practical or effective in reality.

Overall, exploring these ideas can provide insight into the human experience and the forces that shape our lives. Thank you for reading, and I look forward to sharing more in future posts.

The post Practice and Mysticism appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

2023’s Most Popular JBR Characters

Just a fun quick post today – was doing some stats for our Pinterest Page and decided why not sort things by character name and see what happens. The following is the results!

Boys & Girls

Boys & Girls, JBR’s flagship series, has Emily Bryant as its most popular character among fans. Nothing but respect for my school council president!

Full rankings:

Emily BryantSadja AyoubAnita CortezMaria CortezLukas SchroddenAsh MonticelloRussell IsraelKat WilkinsMaurice BryantIsaac BroderickCole MulaneyAaron McNamaraRodrigo HuertaRose Kawakami

Baby Bird

Melanie’s loyal friend and roommate Fifi Loc tops off the list for Baby Bird, a free short which released only two months ago!

Full Rankings:

Fifi LocMary-Ann KingsleyMelanie ShanahanRocko M’basiCalvin HerreraFeelin’ The Rhythm

Last but not least, our video series Feelin’ The Rhythm is the only series to have its main protagonist – Sam Anatagi – at the top of its rankings!

Full Rankings:

Sam AnatagiJoshi KojimaChie MitsubaraYui TakashiToei TetsuyamaAyako Kawakami

The post 2023’s Most Popular JBR Characters appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

Boys & Girls: Part II – New Years

[Note: BOYS & GIRLS: PART II is under production, and this preview may contain lines and content that do not reach the final book. In addition, this book assumes that you have read PART I all the way through. You can read more about Part I here.]

January 1st, 2017

Kinsky, California, USA

New Years

“Yo, Lukas! You’re gonna miss the New York drop, they’re about to do it!”

Aaron was calling out to his friend, still in the bathroom. Lukas quickly flushed the toilet and washed his hands, getting out just in time to witness the event with the others.

“Three… two… one!”

The group saw the ball drop in New York City. There was some polite clapping and mild-mannered cheers from the group.

“Okay, real one’s still not for another few hours. Hey Rose, is there still some pizza in the kitchen?”

Rose nodded at her boyfriend’s request. “You wanted some?”

Aaron shook his head. “Nope. Just wanted to check.”

Rodrigo, from the other end of the couch, raised his hand. “I’ll take one if it isn’t too much trouble, chica.”

Rose did a faux curtsy. “Muy facil.”

Rodrigo smirked. “Glad they’re teaching you something in AP Spanish.”

After Rose left to go to the kitchen, Aaron turned towards Lukas and Kat, who sat next to him on the couch. “So, Cole’s not comin’, huh?”

Kat, who had her hand around Lukas’ shoulder, was the one to answer. “He never returned my calls, so… I’m guessing not. But I’m not too worried. It’s not the first time he’s pulled something like this.”

“Besides, as Emily astutely pointed out earlier…” Lukas added leaning forward in a gossipy whisper, “Maria isn’t here either.”

Aaron smiled. “You think it’s finally happening?”

The boy shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe. Guess we’ll have to see what’s the word tomorrow.”

In that moment, something peculiar happened; the landline to Aaron’s apartment began to ring. Rose, already on the way back from the kitchen, called out to the other that she’d get it.

“Hello, this is the McNamara Household, Rose Kawakami speaking,” she spoke to the person on the other end of the phone. “Yeah, she’s here… alright, let me go grab her. Hey, Kat!”

The others all turned towards the girl. Aaron, in particular, looked rather confused.

“They called my house to get to you? Wonder who it could be.”

Kat seemed just as confused as him. She got up from the couch, taking the landline from Rose’s outstretched hand, and placing the receiver to her ear.

“Hello, this is Katherine Wilkins,” she spoke.

The voice on the other end talked to her. At first, Kat listened. But as the person on the other end continued to speak, Kat could feel her heart begin to pound. Her skin clammed up, and she began to felt like she would faint. In all this lead up, the voice finally told her what she needed to hear. Her expression completely fell. Her body felt like it could collapse. Her eyes widened, and a single tear began to stream down her cheek.

“Okay… okay,” she muttered back coldly. Without listening to another word, she hung the phone back on the line.

Her weak, trembling legs carried her back to the other room. The entire audience of her friends were looking back at her.

“So… what was it?” Sadja asked her from the back of the room, a concerned look on her face.

Kat ignored her best friend, and looked over at Aaron. “Hey, i-is there a place… somewhere private, I-I can go for a second?”

A look of worry crossed Aaron’s face. “You can just go inside my room, it’s alright. Take whatever time you need.”

Kat’s shaky, shell-shocked head motioned over into the hallway, where she slowly shambled over to the room. As she passed, Rose whispered to her.

“Hey Kat… everything okay?”

She didn’t answer. Instead, she opened the door into Aaron’s room and promptly shut it behind her. She locked the door, and fell onto Aaron’s bed. Grabbing the pillow at the head of the mattress, she pushed it over, until her face was on top of it, completely smothered by the fabric.

Then she screamed.

It was the loudest scream she ever let out in her life, only barely muffled by the pillow. Immediately following the scream was a torrent of sobbing that soaked the outer pillow casing in her tears. She laid like this for what seemed like hours but was only mere minutes, gripping a tight hold on the pillow as she let out what the call had done to her.

As she began to grow tired and her cries let out with less energy, she heard a small knock on the door. She got up from the pillow, giving a half-hearted attempt to wipe the tears off onto the inside of her shirt. Slowly she got up, making her way over to the door, as she unlocked it and opened it just slightly ajar.

Lukas was in front of her. He had that soft, gentle look to him that made Kat feel better. The same one she’d see in her concerts. The others looked on at a distance, from the living room. The TV was now off.

“Hey,” Lukas said quietly. “Can I come in?”

Kat looked at the others, then back at Lukas. Slowly, she opened the door – just enough for him to fit. Lukas walked in and sat on the bed. Kat sat next to him, her head turned to the floor and her eyes downcast, not looking him directly in the eyes.

“What’s wrong, Kat?” Lukas asked in a low tone. “What was the call about?”

At first, Kat was unresponsive. She just kept looking down onto the carpeted floor of Aaron’s bedroom, avoiding contact with anything other than the ground.

“Is it… your dad?” Lukas continued, trying to guide her to an answer. “Or your mom?”

Kat began to feel like crying again. She looked over at Lukas, eyes bloodshot, her lips quivering.

“Luke, baby…” she muttered out, “Cole is… Cole is gone.”

The hairs on the back of Lukas’ neck began to stick out. His heart beat arrhythmically. 

“What do you… what do you mean?”

The tears began to flow down Katherine’s eyes again. “He’s gone. The p-police called. I was the only contact in his w-wallet other than Marion.”

The boy’s eyes widened. “How… how did he… what happened?”

Kat shook her head. “They said they found him on the shore of the lake by Ednas Bridge. They think he might have jumped off.”

Lukas was speechless. He didn’t cry, he didn’t look away, he didn’t do anything. The whole scenario reminded him of just a few months prior, when Kat took him aside in that empty classroom and told him what had happened to Anita. Now the whole thing was happening all over again. 

But now it hits much closer to home.

“And it’s… it’s true?” Lukas asked weakly.

She nodded rapidly, then suddenly grabbed him and pulled him in tightly, bawling into his chest. Lukas stroked her back gently to comfort her. He looked over at the door, knowing that his friends were still out there wondering what had happened, oblivious to the new state of their world.

“We should tell the others,” the blonde-headed boy said in a near whisper.

When the two finally left the bedroom, everything was deathly quiet. Their other friends looked on – some with troubled faces, others just curious – as they waited with expectant breath as to what the couple was about to say.

Lukas, still in shock, couldn’t say anything at all. Words failed him. Kat, brought to confidence by admitting the truth to her boyfriend just moments ago, spoke the dreaded words. 

“Cole just passed away.”

The reaction was immediate. Rose widened her eyes, letting out an audible gasp that could be heard throughout the room. Sadja was more subtle, but tears almost immediately sprung in her eyes. The boys looked onward, confused, unsure, as if there had to be more to it all.

“But what… what happened?” Aaron asked, repeating Lukas’ question.

“They don’t know… but…” Kat felt a wince of pain in her body. She took it in, gave a deep breath, then continued. “They think it might be a suicide.”

Rose let out another gasp, though this time it was perhaps more like a whimper. She began to sob loudly, as Aaron embraced her. The two siblings, Maurice and Emily, looked up at each other, solemn, then got a little bit closer. Rodrigo sat at the center of the couch, betraying no reaction, just looking down stoically at the table, twirling a plastic knife back and forth in his hand.

“G-G-God,” Sadja studdered, tears rolling down her face, her face giving a weak smile to hide away the pain. “Th-this year really sucks… doesn’t it?”

After this, she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She got down on her knees and began to cry, just like Rose.

Ash, who stood alone in the corner, had tears well in her eyes but was otherwise able to hold it in. It was while holding back these tears she came to a realization. 

“If Maria’s still home… she might not know about it yet.”

The others turned to the girl with blue hair. Most of them, still reeling from the news they had heard moments prior, had nothing to say. But Rose stood up almost immediately, putting her purse back over her shoulder.

“I’ll go tell her. Right now.”

Rodrigo looked at her. “Are you sure? You don’t even know if she’s up right now.”

“She’ll be up. And she deserves to know just like the rest of us. I’ll go tell her.”

In reality, Rose mostly wanted to be out of the house so she could take in the fresh air and be with her own thoughts about what had happened. But the importance of the task also didn’t go past her. She gathered her stuff, with Aaron watching on from a distance.

“Do you want me to go with you?” he asked. 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just… I can just go down myself.”

Rose put her purse over her shoulder and walked out of the room. The feeling in the room was as somber as it ever was. Maurice still stood, blank-faced, fidgeting with his hands in his pockets.

“I guess that’s it for the party, isn’t it?” he asked meekly.

…

Maria had been sitting in her dining room, waiting. What she was waiting for, she wasn’t sure. Regardless of whether she had something to wait for, she couldn’t sleep. Before she could at least cry, and the crying would make her tired enough that she might be able to pass out and still get a full night of rest. Now she didn’t feel anything. She just felt empty.

The doorbell rang, and she jutted up in the chair. Her heart began to race. She was sure it was him. She quickly cycled through all the things she might say, the reactions she might have upon meeting him, then took a deep breath and opened the door. She was surprised to see it was Rose, and even more surprised to see the look of distended melancholy on her face.

“Hey, Maria,” Rose said with sympathy, “Can I come in?”

Maria was concerned, but opened the door wide. “Sure.”

Rose walked into the dining room, wiping her eyes, while Maria followed her. They sat down across from one another at the table.

“So I’m assuming…” Rose began, her voice almost breaking. “I’m assuming you haven’t heard what’s happened yet.”

Maria could feel a weight in her chest. “What?” she asked softly but directly.

Rose looked up. Tears began to flood down her eyes again.

“Cole committed suicide. I’m so sorry.”

Maria froze. She didn’t know how to respond. She felt her heart sink and the tips of her fingers begin to go numb. But at that moment, she wasn’t sad. She just felt disappointed. 

“Listen, Maria,” Rose continued after the bout of silence, “If you need anything, anything at all….”

The question began to circle in Maria’s mind as to whether she should tell Rose what she knew. She did know that, at this point, she was outnumbered. Most people loved Cole. Even part of her deep down still did, too. But she knew what this suicide meant. She knew what he was hiding.

“Rose,” Maria finally let out, a renewed sense of confidence given in the directness of her voice and her stern eye contact to the forlorn girl in front of her. “What I am about to tell you… you have to promise me that none of it will ever, ever, leave this room.”

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Boys & Girls: Part II – Boy’s Club

[Note: BOYS & GIRLS: PART II is under production, and this preview may contain lines and content that do not reach the final book. In addition, this book assumes that you have read PART I all the way through. You can read more about Part I here.]

September 4th, 2005
Kinsky, California, USA
Boy’s Club

A young child with messy blonde hair and stormy blue eyes looked out the window of his parent’s car into the unfamiliarity of the scene before him. There was a playground, with kids playing and laughing, running around, sitting together, enjoying themselves. The boy looked out at it and wondered if he could ever do it himself.

“It will be a little hard, since you’re coming in the middle of the year,” his mother said, sensing his trepidation. “But you’ll find friends. I know you will.”

The boy took one last affirming look at his mother, and then walked out into the cold fall morning. Right before he was about to close the car door, his mother said one last thing.

“I love you, Lukas.”

The boy turned to look at her. “I love you too, mom.”

His mother smiled, and closed the car door. Lukas went into the playground and began to walk over to where he had been told earlier. As he passed by he looked up and noticed a large sign that hung on the school with the words KINSKY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL – HOME OF THE SHARKS.

The morning had ended up rough. For starters, Lukas had unknowingly gone to the wrong area and joined the wrong line out of morning recess – all the way into the classroom itself. When the teacher did roll call, she looked at the boy skeptically. Lukas’ communication skills were poor, but eventually the two figured out that he was in fact meant to be in the classroom next door. When Lukas walked into the second room, they were already in the middle of class. He stood there, unsure about interrupting, until one of the students pointed out the “weird kid standing at the doorway”, and the teacher realized that he must be the new student. He got assigned a seat in the back, and finally sat down – his cheeks were red, partially from the cold but mostly from embarrassment.

After this traumatic opening experience, the boy didn’t bother to try and talk to anyone else. He mostly kept to himself, hoping to recover enough from the experience that people didn’t permanently see him now as the weird kid. But when it came time for lunch recess, the experience began to grate on him. He once again saw everyone playing and laughing, running around, sitting together, enjoying themselves. And here he was, on a bench, alone. For the first time that day, he felt sad. Nothing but sad.

“Psst, hey. Hey!”

Lukas kicked up some rocks on the ground. He noticed a beetle crawling by itself near his foot, and briefly wondered if it was as lonely as he was.

“Hey, you! With the blonde hair!”

The boy suddenly noticed the sharp whispers that seemed to be addressing him. He looked around but didn’t notice anybody.

“Yes, you! Over here, this way!”

The voice was coming to his left. He turned in that direction, and now realized that behind a chunk of shrubbery, a young boy was hiding. He was around Lukas’ age, with short wavy brown hair and a set of hazel eyes to match. Once Lukas spotted him, he made himself clearly visible.

“You’re the new kid, right?” the brown-haired boy asked. “Lukas, or whatever?”

Lukas nodded. “Yeah, I am.”

The boy took a few suspicious glances around, then got a bit closer to Lukas. “Good, that means I can trust you,” he began. “You see, I’m the leader of the Boy’s Club.”

Lukas gave him a funny look. “Boy’s Club?”

“Yeah. There’s a Girl’s Club, led by Cindy Indigo, and there’s a Boy’s Club, led by me. Our two clubs have been at war with one another for a hundred years – well, I mean, I haven’t been around for those hundred years. But you get what I’m saying.”

The young boy now stood directly in front of Lukas, looking down at him. Lukas looked up at him.

“Now, I used to have a spy within the Girl’s Club ranks, but he betrayed me. But you – you’re brand new, so Cindy and the others won’t be any wiser if you try to join them as a ‘boy ally’. So… you wanna help us defeat the girls?”

For the first time that day, a smile grew on Lukas’ face. He no longer felt out of place. He felt this was his chance.

“Sure, I’ll do it.”

The boy smiled back. “Awesome! Alright, come with me – I’ll introduce you to the others and brief you on your mission.”

Lukas stood up, and the boy began to lead him to a nearby tree. But suddenly he stopped, and turned around again.

“Oh! I almost forgot to introduce myself,” he said, outstretching his hand to Lukas. “Cole. Cole Mulaney. Nice to meet ya.”

The blonde boy accepted the handshake. “Lukas Schrodden. Nice to meet you too.”

The two continued to walk down to the tree, as a clear blue sky shined above them.

The post Boys & Girls: Part II – Boy’s Club appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

Boys & Girls: Part II – The Story So Far

[Note: BOYS & GIRLS: PART II is under production, and this preview may contain lines and content that do not reach the final book. In addition, this book assumes that you have read PART I all the way through. You can read more about Part I here.]

THE STORY SO FAR…

On the coast of Mendocino County there is a small town called Kinsky. At the high school there, a group of eleven friends have bonded in their formative years to create a seemingly perfect union of camaraderie and empathetic connection. This bond becomes troubled, however, when the newest member of the group – Maria Cortez – one day discovers her younger sister dead, a gruesome suicide by hanging. With the reason for the suicide seemingly in doubt, Maria teams up with her best friend – and arguably the keystone of the entire group – Cole Mulaney, in order to discover what, or who, could have driven the child to giving up her life.

In parallel, two of Cole’s childhood friends – Lukas Schrodden and Katherine Wilkins – begin to have their own difficulties. Once inseparable, the two had begun to drift apart when the young woman started dating the star quarterback of the school. Lukas, conflicted between his deep friendship with the girl and the romantic love he kept sheltered in his heart, instead confided his feelings in Cole. Cole tried his best to broker an arrangement with the two, especially after Katherine had broken up with her football captain boyfriend. Things got worse before they got better, but ultimately the two reciprocated their repressed feelings, and came together as one couple.

Meanwhile, the investigation into the death of Anita Cortez revealed that the young girl had experienced a wealth of sexual abuse in the months before her passing, something known not even to Maria herself. With the horrific new detail unveiled, the two friends began looking into who might be the perpetrator. While there were a few key suspects, all suspicions were eventually dropped, and the two were left right where they started.

Just as the case was about to be given up, a few chance events led Maria to question the only person she had never suspected – her investigation partner, Cole himself. In a cold and dreary day on the cusp of the new year, Cole admitted his fault, insisting his relationship with Anita was a romantic attachment and begging Maria to forgive him. When she refused, Cole hid a mysterious chest filled with notes in the middle of the Kinsky forest, only to drive to a nearby bridge to jump off and end his life. 

With Cole now dead, and the ugly truth yet to be revealed, will the group of friends be able to unite under their shared pain? Or will the difficulty of the situation prove too great, permanently shattering them apart? 

The post Boys & Girls: Part II – The Story So Far appeared first on Jacob Robinson.

How I Write My Blog Posts Now

Over the past few months, I’ve reconfigured how I approach writing on this blog. Here’s how things have changed.

So back in the old days when this blog first started going on — 2018, 2019, etc. — I just did all the writing for the blog posts myself. So I would just have a big list of topics, go down that topic list, and write something up.

And that worked out, for awhile.

This was back when I had a lot more free time. And nowadays, the free time has gone away because of all the other stuff that I’m working on (Boys & Girls, Feelin’ The Rhythm, business projects, investing, etc.). So I’ve changed the formula a bit to allow me to still write on here regularly without having to worry too much about workload.

First of all, the posting schedule is a bit different. I no longer do once per week; I do once every other week, and that gives some breathing room for the fiction stuff that comes in between. Another big thing is that now I just dictate my writing. So I will have the topic up in front of me, as per usual, as well as a few notes about what I want to talk about here. This time, however, I just start talking about it by dictating to a voice recorder app. The app I use is Otter, but I don’t think the recording part matters all that much.

Once I get the transcript, I will port that transcript over into Notion where I have Notion AI clean up that transcript. Of course, I ramble a lot, and that often needs to be trimmed. I’ve noticed that the “improve grammar” module on the AI does a good job of cutting out superfluous stuff without getting rid of too much. And then from there, I just need to do a last-pass edit just to make sure that everything flows smoothly.

And that’s it. It’s definitely still my own thoughts and opinions — I don’t have anything against AI copywriting or marketing, I just don’t need it for this blog — but things have just been augmented so that I only have to worry about editing rather than writing. In my opinion, that’s a much simpler process.

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Baby Bird – Act III

Calvin Herrera

Return to the main page.

Return to Act II.

CONTENT WARNING: Baby Bird contains elements that readers might find disturbing or reminders of past trauma. Diligence and discretion is recommended.

“Okay. You guys ready?”

Mary-Ann and Rocko looked at each other. Rocko’s face was creased with nervousness, while Mary-Ann looked almost excited. They looked back.

“Ready,” they said in unison.

Melanie sighed. She looked down at the faux-wood gum-lined conference table in front of her, took a few breaths in and out, then looked back up.

“Mom, Dad…” she began. “There’s… something I want to tell you.”

“What is it, sweetheart?” Mary-Ann replied.

“You… might remember that guy I was going out with, last semester.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, I’m okay now, but… back during winter, he assaulted me. And I feel like you have the right to know what happened.”

Rocko suddenly shot up from his chair. “He… he WHAT?! Did the campus authorities do anything about it? Did he get justice? I’ll end up finding that bastard myself if I have to!”

Melanie felt a sudden urge of nervousness, her hands rubbing together in her lap as she looked down. But she snapped out of it, and looked back up, this time more with curiosity.

“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you yell, Rocko.”

Rocko suddenly snapped out of it as well. He stuttered a bit, dropping right back down to his chair and turning as red as a beet.

“S-s-sorry, I didn’t, um… I didn’t mean to…”

Mary-Ann, who sat next to him, began to grow a great smile on her face. At some point she was no longer able to hold it in, and began to burst out laughing. Melanie quickly followed with a smile of her own.

“Oh, don’t worry. I think you got your Mr. Shanahan down pat.”

While Rocko’s embarrassment lingered for a few more minutes, the three quickly went back to talking with each other casually, before heading off to lunch.

…

This whole roleplay was part of a wider initiative by Melanie to get her life back on track. That moment with Calvin, now two weeks ago, gave her the confidence that she needed to push forward to make it to spring break and tell Mrs. and Mr. Shanahan all they needed to know.

That very night was a Monday, and as was now tradition Calvin took Melanie to that old shopping complex at Cactus Plaza. In the past few sessions Melanie began to feel more and more comfortable talking about her life and her experience to those at the sessions. When she came in this time around, a few faces looked up and smiled at her in recognition. As Cassidy turned her head, she saw the girl enter.

“Hey Mel. How’d the test go?”

Melanie shrugged. “Who knows, honestly. It’s all in God’s hands now.”

Cassidy, in her notably deadpan fashion, took a sip from the water bottle she kept next to her chair. “Ah, screw’em. There’s more important things to life than calculus.”

The young brunette girl smiled, then took her usual seat next to an Indian girl she had gotten to know named Priyanka. A few minutes later, Cassidy started the session.

“Alright, today I want to focus on something special,” the older woman began, surveying those sitting in the chairs circling her. “I want you to think back to a lesson your parents gave you, at some point in your life. It can be about anything really. I know some of you have rather complicated relationships with your parents, but I think there’s something unique about parental lessons that triumphs over all others. It’s a bit of aged wisdom that sometimes the person who’s giving it doesn’t even know the value of. So, let’s take five minutes to think, then we’ll start going ‘round the horn.”

As the others began to murmur among themselves, Melanie closed her eyes and went far back into the recesses of her memory. There was a particular moment she had in mind, spurred on by Cassidy’s last comment: a bit of aged wisdom that sometimes the person giving it doesn’t even know the value of. She tried to remember all the details she could, and once she was satisfied she opened her eyes again.

The stories started, and eventually it landed on Melanie. She looked around the circle, first at Priyanka, then at Cassidy, then at all the others.

“My dad told me this story once… though honestly, I think he told it more for himself than for me,” she began. 

“I remember it was right after I graduated elementary school, going into middle school. Maybe a week or two after graduation. He told me this story about a baby bird and a papa bird, sitting high up in a tree. The papa bird took care of the baby bird ever since she was an egg, but one day the baby bird began to develop her wings and asked the papa bird if she could try them out and fly. The papa bird, remembering the scary dog he saw the day before, forbid the baby bird from leaving its nest. The next day, the baby bird asked again – the papa bird remembered the pigeon he saw get zapped by an electrical line, and once again forbid the baby bird from leaving its nest. Finally, one more day passed, and the baby bird – quite pissed this time, from what I remember – asks papa if she can fly. The papa bird remembers the hunters, who always try to shoot them down, and again says no. This time the baby bird also asks, ‘Why won’t you let me fly?’. The papa bird responds, ‘Because, my little baby bird, the world is a dangerous place’. The baby bird looks at her papa, and says, ‘Will it ever stop being a dangerous place?’”

Melanie took a quick pause here to catch her breath. The others focused their eyes on her.

“I think the moral of that story is… the world will always be a dangerous place, and at some point you need to just leave the nest and realize how dangerous the world really is. And yeah, it’s true, there’s a lot of really bad things in this world. But there’s also a lot of really good things. And honestly, I’d be willing to bet that there’s more good things in this world than there are bad things. But you have to see it in order to understand that.”

As Melanie finished, there was a polite applause around the room which made her a bit embarrassed. But another part of her was glad that she told the story. She felt that, maybe like her father before her, she told the story more because she needed to hear it for herself. 

After the stories finished and the session ended, Cassidy stopped Melanie at the door. “Thank you for putting in the work this week,” the adult woman spoke.

“Yeah, it’s no problem. Sorry for being kind of a shitass the first few sessions.”

The comment gave Cassidy a very rare smile. “Everybody’s a shitass for their first few. Sometimes they even stay that way. But the only thing that’s important to me is that it’s making a positive impact in your life.”

Melanie took a look at the woman, who she now considered something of a teacher. She smiled back.

“I think it has.”

Cassidy patted her softly on the shoulder. “See you after the break.”

Melanie began to walk to the door again, but Cassidy stopped her one last time.

“Oh, and Mel…”

Melanie turned around.

“…good luck with your parents.”

Melanie, now with a strong sense of confidence, gave the woman a smirk. She nodded, then walked out the door.

…

“Shit… this hunk o’ junk’s been acting up again…” Fifi muttered under her breath as she ineffectively banged her hand against her car’s radio. 

“Could be worse. Calv’s car doesn’t even have A/C anymore.”

Fifi took a quick look at Melanie, before bringing her attention back to the road. “God, that’s right. That thing’s pure black, too. You could die in there during the summer.”

Melanie broke out in a fit of laughter. “Maybe if this was Arizona. I don’t think Washington ever gets hot enough for that.”

It was the first day of spring break, and Fifi was on her way to drop Melanie back at her parent’s house. It was only a few minutes later when the car pulled up to the driveway.

“You sure you gonna be good, girl?” Fifi asked once she reached the destination, a hint of concern in her voice.

Melanie thought about it for a moment. “No, I’m not sure. But I think this is the best chance I’m ever going to get.”

Fifi understood. She nodded, then mimicked a phone with her hand, putting it up to her head. “You call me as soon as it’s done, okay?”

“I will.”

Melanie’s roommate smiled, and hugged the girl in the car. Melanie got out, took a few steps, to the front door, and took a deep breath. She heard the sound of Fifi’s car pulling out behind her.

Melanie rang the doorbell. It took a bit longer this time – maybe four minutes or so – and she almost prepared to ring it again when finally it opened and she saw her father on the other side of the door.

“So, finally you’re home, kiddo!”

As Mr. Shanahan went in for the hug, Melanie felt her body reflexively begin to shudder. But she followed what she had been practicing: taking control of her mind, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath, and accepting the hug. It worked — her father’s hugs were a little bit tighter than anyone else’s, and it did make her a tad uncomfortable, but the moment went on without a hitch.

Melanie walked inside the front door, noticing a few pieces of furniture rearranged from when she last saw them. This time, her mother was right in the front, and greeted her with a big smile.

“Welcome back, Melanie!” Mrs. Shanahan hugged the girl as well, to which Melanie accepted with ease. “Are you hungry? You came just in time for dinner, you know. Your father’s favorite: roasted chicken and mashed potatoes.”

Melanie smiled. “Sounds amazing, mom. Is it okay if I put my stuff upstairs first?”

 “Of course! I’ll have everything plated by the time you come back down.”

Melanie went upstairs with her bag and brought it into her room. It was the same as she had left it: Mean Girls, plushies, trophies, high school friends. She put the bag on her bed and then took a deep breath, gave one last repeat of all she had memorized, then walked back down to where the dinner table was.

Her father, as always, was the first to speak – this time scarcely a moment after they had started eating.

“So, how have things been, over at Hill Valley?”

“Well, it’s been good recently. Still hanging out with Fifi, Rocko, Mary-Ann, all them…” Melanie paused briefly. “But, there is something I’ve been meaning to tell you guys.”

“Is it about Nathaniel?”

Melanie looked up at his father. He had a smile on his face, likely expecting it to be good news. 

“Been awhile since you’ve told us anything about him. I was wondering why I’ve been kept in the dark.”

“It, um… it is, but… it’s different.”

The expressions on her parent’s faces changed. Melanie kept her eyes focused on the meal in front of her, so that she wouldn’t be distracted while she told them what was now the most important thing to ever happen to her in her life.

“A while ago… back before winter break… Nathaniel assaulted me. Now, I’m okay – my friends have helped, I met this new friend named Calvin who helped, too… I’ve been going to group therapy, which has worked really well, and the college helped me through the process also. But I never told you two, and I felt you deserved to know, so I’m telling you now. I’m sorry for waiting so long.”

Melanie kept looking down. There was silence on the other side of the table, for what seemed like forever. Finally, she heard her mother – her voice trembling with grave sadness.

“Why… why did you take so long to tell us?”

Melanie felt like crying. She took control of her mind, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath – the tears went away. She opened her eyes again.

“I don’t know. I was just… scared. I didn’t know what to tell you, how to say it. I’d worry you’d get upset, then I’d get upset too, and everything would be a panic. I wanted to wait until it was the right time – until I knew I could tell you without it hurting.”

Melanie heard the coarse voice of her father next.

“This means… when you came back to the house, during the winter… it was right after it had happened.”

“Yes.”

“And that… that was probably the real reason it took you a few days to come to the house, wasn’t it?”

“…yes.”

Mr. Shanahan began to fiddle with his worn fingers. He did this for a while, before he abruptly stopped and spoke again.

“Melanie, I want you to look at me.”

Melanie, respecting the order, slowly moved her face to her father. He didn’t look angry. He didn’t look sad. In fact, it was the first time in her life that she couldn’t read her father at all.

“You said you’re doing alright now. Is that true?”

“Yes it is,” Melanie said, looking directly into her father’s eyes against all pressure. “I have people who love me. People who care about me. Friends, teachers, and family too.”

“Good. Because it’s true.”

Melanie’s father got up from the table, and Melanie did in kind. The two hugged each other, and her mother joined in not long after. The three stayed there under the light of the dining room, and for the first time Melanie felt herself strong enough to comfort even her parents.

…

It was now many months later,

near the end of the school year. Many things in Melanie’s world have changed now… but then again, some things never do.

“Yo, Mel! Eight o’clock time!”

Melanie groggily got out of the bed. She had on an old stained white t-shirt and a pair of black gym shorts. Her long brown hair dangled from her face. 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Melanie said, wiping the hair from out of her face. “It happened again?”

“At some point you just gotta accept you need a new phone,” Fifi called out from the other room, having just finished taking a shower.

Melanie gave a deep sigh. “Thanks again, Fifi.”

“No prob, girl.”

Melanie went through her standard routine. She put on her makeup, brushed her teeth, and used the curling iron to make her short-cut hair a little more wavy. Out from her closet, she took out a pair of jeans as well as a pastel yellow turtleneck, which she put on over her head. She stood there, looking at herself in the mirror while Fifi brushed her teeth.

“I think yellow’s going to be the look this season.”

Fifi spit out her toothpaste, and looked up at her. “What, you a fashion designer now?”

“No, I just think this is going to be yellow’s year. Plus it looks good with the hair, don’t you think?”

Fifi looked in the mirror. “You’re the type of girl where everything looks good on you, and it drives me crazy,” she responded while walking out the door. Melanie looked back at the mirror, putting her hand on her hip, and gave a wink.

“You’re damn right I am,” she whispered to herself.

…

On her way to class, Melanie heard a familiar voice call out to her.

“Yo, Melanie! Nice wheels!”

Melanie skidded to a stop, kicking up the skateboard she was using into her hands. She turned to see who was speaking – it was a fellow schoolmate she hadn’t seen in a while.

“Hey, Maya! Long time no see.”

The silver-haired girl took a good look at Melanie from head to toe. “Didn’t know you knew how to skateboard. You picked it up recently?”

Melanie shook her head. “More like brought it back. I rode a lot when I was younger, got this from my parents’ house over the break. Was hoping it’d make me a little less late to Pacheko’s class.

Maya giggled. “I won’t keep you, then. Good luck!”

Melanie got back on her skateboard and ended up making it in time (two minutes late, but the class hadn’t started yet). After finishing her first class of the day, she walked with Mary-Ann to go have lunch with Rocko. Melanie’s two friends sat together in the booth of the cafeteria, while the girl herself eyed them from across the table.

“Well… how are things going?”

Rocko looked nervously down to his food. Mary-Ann spoke up first.

“Well, the lightsaber club’s been doing great. We’re up to around thirty people who show up every week which makes things really fun. And since Rocko and I are both co-presidents now, we can spread ourselves out more in terms of operations.”

Melanie looked on with a disappointed expression. “Well I’m so glad that the Hill Valley Lightsaber Club is going smoothly, but I meant more about… you know… the other thing.”

Mary-Ann began to blush. Rocko scratched the back of his afroed hair, and looked up.

“I’ll admit, it’s pretty scary being in a relationship. Even if you’ve known the person well beforehand.”

Melanie lit up with a smile on her face. She pointed a finger gun at the two, aiming it with one eye open. “I saw this one coming from a mile away, y’know!”

Mary-Ann let out a sigh. “Yeah. You and everyone else.”

“Still, I feel bad not going to the club this year. Just been busy with the therapy group. You won’t mind if I just drop in on one of the last sessions, right?”

“It’s no problem, Mel,” Rocko replied. “You’re welcome anytime.” Mary-Ann smiled in agreement.

That night was a Monday, and in what was now tradition Calvin drove Melanie over to the shopping complex. The two talked on the entire ride there, mostly about life, work, and school, and finally Calvin dropped her off at the front entrance.

When she walked in, she saw Cassidy sitting on the floor, fiddling with one of their plastic tables. Cassidy turned and saw the girl standing there.

“Hey Mel, can you help me with this? Can you hold that side straight?”

Melanie walked over, doing as she was told. “You’re finally trying to fix this?”

“Yeah, thing’s been driving me nuts for long enough. And with my sister coming into town this week, well I can only handle so many stressors at a time.”

Melanie let out a giggle. “Things that bad with your sis, huh?”

“No, no. I don’t dislike her, I just… she’s a little too namaste for me, you understand what I’m saying?”

“Maybe a little namaste is just what you need.”

Priyanka approached the two from behind. She held a basket of snacks in her hand. 

“Umm… Mel, where should I put this?”

Melanie turned around. “You can just set it on that chair for now!” she answered, pointing to a chair in the corner. The girl nodded her head and walked over. Melanie turned back to Cassidy.

“Oh, you’re not gonna believe this – Mary-Ann and Rocko started dating!”

Cassidy let out a small smile while she screwed in a bolt on the table. “Those are your two friends, right?”

“Yeah, same ones. To be honest, I was beginning to think it would never happen. But I got the text about it over the weekend, and I confronted them about it over lunch today to confirm. It’s really happening!”

“Well, tell them I’m happy for ‘em. I think the screw’s in all the way now, can you jimmy the table a bit to make sure it stays in place?”

Melanie shook the table, and sure enough it kept stable. The two then turned their attention to rounding up the others in the room and getting the session started. 

“Well, as many of you know, today is a bittersweet day,” Cassidy began. “This will be Mel’s last session with us. Now, Mel just joined us at the beginning of the year, but already I’ve seen such a remarkably beautiful improvement in her, as I’m sure many of you have as well. I asked Mel if she wanted to lead today’s talk with the group, and she said yes. So, without further ado… I’ll pass it to her.”

There was some polite clapping – with a few cheers here and there – that spread across the room. Melanie, with a little smile on her face, stood up to take Cassidy’s position. She waited for the clapping to die down, took a deep breath in, and faced all the others in the room.

“Listen, a lot of you probably think this whole thing is really dumb,” she began. “I did too, when I first started. And, to be honest, maybe it is really dumb. But what I’ve realized over the past few months is that just because something is cheesy, or dumb, or awkward, doesn’t mean it doesn’t work.”

She paused, and began to nervously rub her thumb against her right hand. But she retained focus.

“Back in January, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to live anymore. I thought this might be my last year on Earth. I was in the deepest, darkest place I’ve ever been in my life. And maybe I would’ve kept falling, if it wasn’t for a few things that kept me together and helped me out of that deep dark place.”

She surveyed the room. The others had her full attention, though some of the newer members kept looking nervously to the side. Priyanka gave Melanie a smile, and a look of confidence. Melanie used her as an anchor.

“The first, believe it or not, wasn’t the Healing Mission of Hill Valley. It was my friends. I have the privilege of knowing some fantastic people who care about me and support me, and they were the first people that reached out when they noticed something was wrong. And I’ll always be thankful for that. I know not everyone has people like that who they can rely on in their life, but that’s what the Healing Mission is all about. Look at the people around you – these are the same people who can help.”

Melanie took a breath before moving on.

“Of course, the Healing Mission has helped me, too. Ms. Cassidy has had a profound impact on my life, and while I certainly know she can be scary sometimes…” – this elicited a soft chuckle from the crowd, including from Cassidy – “…at the end of the day she’s here to help you, and I insist you reach out to her if you ever need anything at all. She’ll insist it, too.”

“And, of course, that brings me to the last thing – family. Family is a common topic among these sessions, and now I can understand why. I was terrified to tell my parents all of this happened. And, from the vibe I get in this room, I imagine most of you are as well. But I honestly think telling my parents what happened was the best thing I could have possibly done, and I really wish I did it a lot sooner. Sure, they’ll be upset – they’re your parents – but they also want to support you, no matter what. I was so scared that they would just freak out, and then the whole thing would be just a mess – but sometimes your biggest fears are things that will never really happen.”

Melanie took one more pause. She did a look around the room again – almost all those in attendance still seemed to be watching and listening patiently.

“Let me tell you one last thing. All those fears, those visions, those nightmares — they never really go away. But they don’t have to control you. You are able to define them just as much as they define you.”

Melanie stopped speaking after this last point. When the others realized she was done, they began to clap, and one by one stood up. Melanie internally was a little embarrassed about the whole thing, but part of her was glad her DECA skills were still present. At some point she felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around – Cassidy was there, her arms outstretched, a small smile on her face. Melanie smiled too, and they hugged.

…

On the last day of spring semester, Melanie packed up all her bags and hopped in Calvin’s car to drive to the train station to head home, since her parents were gone that week. As they drove past the forests of Washington Melanie looked out the window thinking quietly to herself. Eventually she asked Calvin a question.

“So, what will you be up to this summer?”

Calvin shrugged. “I don’t know. See where the wind takes me, I guess.”

Melanie looked over at him, and smiled. “I was thinking about getting a summer job, so I could buy a used car. About time I start lugging myself around to places. Besides, it means you don’t have to be my personal chauffeur anymore.”

“Oh, but I was just starting to get used to it.”

Melanie let out a little giggle, then returned to looking out the window. A bit later they arrived at the Hill Valley station.

Melanie got out of the car, and popped the trunk to get her bags. Calvin got out of the driver seat.

“You need my help with any of that?” he asked.

Melanie shook her head as she took out two duffel bags. “I don’t have that much. Most of my stuff I got home last week – this is just the stuff I needed right up ‘til today.”

Calvin nodded as he let the girl pass, as the outbound train reached the station, she turned back to the boy one more time.

“Looks like you got me here just in time. Seeya, Calv! Have a great summer!”

“Yeah, you too,” Calvin called back.

Melanie walked down to where the station was. As the door to the train opened, an elderly woman made her way out of the train car. Melanie gave her space to walk by, then entered the train. The doors closed not long after.

—

Baby Bird is based on the song “Hearts And Crosses” written by Amelia and Matthew Fletcher.

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