Avianna Lemonier's Blog, page 6

I Loved Making My Sister Laugh

One of my sisters passed away in July.

It has been so hard. I miss her so much – more with each passing day.

But something that has been comforting to me lately is remembering her laugh.

I loved making my sister laugh.

Whenever something silly would happen to me, I would immediately call her and tell her about it. If I saw something online that made me laugh, I would send it to her so that she could laugh too. When funny things would happen while we were together, I would turn to her with a certain look.

I loved making her laugh. I loved making her laugh to the point of shaking with laughter and being unable to speak.

There are stories that I would tell her over and over again because I knew that they never failed to make her laugh.

I wish I had just one more moment to make my sister laugh. I would do anything to have even a second to make her laugh one more time.

But I am grateful that I got to make her laugh at all.

Abuse & The New Age

In the years since I left the new age, Doreen Virtue’s wonderful testimony and work have been extremely helpful. 

One video of hers that I really appreciate explains why trauma survivors often become involved in the new age.

Here it is:

I can relate to so much of what is said in this video. Two of the biggest factors that contributed to my involvement in the new age were anxiety and trauma both brought about by abuse.

There was one situation in particular that caused me to struggle with anxiety and a desperate desire to feel protected. I longed for relief from the trouble that surrounded me. I longed for hope. I longed for freedom. I longed for healing. 

Angry at God and refusing to turn back to Christian faith, when the new age was offered to me as a solution, I took it.

It breaks my heart when I see new age practices (and other dangerous beliefs) being presented to abuse survivors as sources of comfort, healing or protection. I know what it is like to be vulnerable and longing for a better life. I know what it is like to seek that better life in the new age – and I know how destructive (and useless) doing that is. 

The new age is a dangerous lie. Jesus Christ is the way, the truth and the life.

It is saddening to see how much the new age has infiltrated society often targeting those who are most vulnerable. Whatever your needs are, turn to Jesus Christ. He offers true hope, healing and freedom.

He is the ultimate Protector and Comforter. He died for your sins.

Past Experiences With Racism & One Thing I Wish I Had Done Differently

Recently, I came across a quote that I really appreciate on a GotQuestions.org article.

It reads, “Concerning racism, we can all agree that no one should be judged by the color of his or her skin. We should fight against all true forms of racism and be compassionate to its victims. Through it all, we should point people to Christ as the only answer for racism. Protests, policies, awareness, changes to the legal system, etc., will never solve the problem. Racism is the result of sin. Until the sin problem is dealt with—until people become new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17)—the problem of racism will never be eradicated. Only in Christ can racial reconciliation be found: ‘For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility’ (Ephesians 2:14)” (How should Christians view the Black Lives Matter movement?).

I also love this article on their website.

Sometimes the experiences I have had with racism and discrimination feel like burdens on my shoulders. I am grateful that I can surrender those burdens to Jesus Christ.

In recent years, whenever I find myself reflecting on those experiences, one thought has continuously come to mind: I wish that, when faced with certain instances of racism, I had been willing to have a thoughtful, open conversation with the individual(s) perpetrating a racist thought or concept as opposed to immediately getting offended and labelling them negatively and/or cutting them out of my life.

Now, there are certain situations where this just would not have been possible for various reasons.

But in moments where it would have been possible, I wish I had understood how to (and been willing to) have conversations that could have served to educate and better people I loved who were, in hindsight, victims of ignorant ideas.

Racism hurts. It is painful.

Especially when it comes from someone we care about.

But I understand now that there were many instances in my life where the racism I encountered was a product of ideas that needed to be confronted and unlearned.

There were people in my life who did not intend to hurt me but who were speaking or acting based on wrong things they had been taught or instilled with.

Just as there were things I needed to unlearn and learn, there were things they needed to unlearn and learn as well.

In a perfect world, conversations like this would not be necessary.

But this is not a perfect world.

This is a broken, fallen and sinful world where racism often rears its ugly head.

The only One Who can solve the problem of racism is Jesus Christ.

Matthew 5:38-42

Photo by Kellen Riggin on Unsplash

You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Matthew 5:38-42 (NIV)

What does the Bible say about racism? | Got Questions Ministries

Divine Companionship

How wonderful it is to know that we go through no experiences where God is not there in divine companionship, and the hotter the fire the sweeter the fellowship. You know, I can tell you, folks, in my own experience, that whenever I get into a situation where I decide to take a stand for something and it’s the unpopular thing to do, and you start getting flack, you have this tremendous sense of divine companionship. It’s what Peter talked about when he talked about the fact that when we go through persecution, the Spirit of grace and glory rests on us. I had this overwhelming sense of the presence of God strengthening. And here they were in the fiery furnace in divine companionship.

– Uncompromising Faith in the Fiery Furnace, Part 2 (Sermon) | John MacArthur

He Heals The Brokenhearted

*Trigger Warning: Suicide*

I used to listen to a lot of hip-hop/rap music. I don’t anymore because I don’t agree with many of the themes depicted in that genre or the lifestyle that is often associated with it (I don’t really listen to much secular music at all anymore for that same reason).

A while back, I was reminded of how I used to always listen to a song by The Notorious B.I.G. called “Suicidal Thoughts” whenever I was depressed or upset. 

It’s a very graphic, intense and, sadly, blasphemous song.

The opening verse says:

When I die, **** it, I wanna go to hell

‘Cause I’m a piece of ****, it ain’t hard to ****** tell 

It don’t make sense, goin’ to heaven with the goodie-goodies

Other lines go:

All my life I been considered as the worst

and 

I feel like death is ****** callin’ me

When I think about how I used to sit and play that song at the loudest volume I could letting those words fill my ears and my mind, it makes me so sad.

Besides the heavy blasphemy present in that song, it also pains me to think that I ever viewed myself along the lines of some of the verses that I just mentioned.

When I think of the negative perceptions of myself that have been forced onto me by other people throughout my life, though, it doesn’t surprise me that I would hear words like that and have no problem directing them toward myself.

I am so grateful to God for taking me out of that place and for the very different life that I have now. But because we live in a fallen and broken world, there are, unfortunately, many people who can probably relate to the way I used to feel.

Being constantly made to see yourself through the lens of abuse or bullying leaves deep wounds – but Jesus has the power to heal those wounds.

Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (NIV).

Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (NIV).

No matter how alone or isolated you may feel, you are not invisible to God for He is “the God Who sees” (Genesis 16).

He is a Protector. He “shields all who take refuge in him” (Psalm 18:30 NIV).

In Christ, we have the hope of a day where God “will wipe every tear” from our eyes (Revelation 21:4 NIV).

Abuse is traumatic, but there is nothing too hard for God to overcome.

If you can relate to seeing yourself the way that I used to see myself or to viewing life the way I used to view life, know that there is hope in Jesus Christ.

God Doesn’t Whisper | Justin Peters & Jim Osman

One Of My Worst Fears

Yesterday, there was severe and very scary weather where I live in Tallahassee, FL – multiple tornadoes were reported to have touched down in the area.

I have been terrified of tornadoes since I was a little girl. On the list of things I have always said I never, ever wanted to experience, tornadoes were pretty much at the top of the list.

Twister (which interestingly enough was released twenty-eight years ago yesterday in 1996 – imagine that lol) confirmed my intense fear of tornadoes.

Most of my fear stemmed from the fact that tornadoes were so unfamiliar to me. As a Florida native, I have been in multiple hurricanes. As scary as those can be, I know what they are like. But (as far as I know) I have never experienced a tornado and know very little about them. They are so wild and unpredictable.

I didn’t get much sleep on Thursday night so when the tornado warning for my area was broadcasted on Friday morning, I had only fallen asleep for maybe an hour or so. As I headed downstairs barely awake, I still hadn’t registered that the tornado warning that was blaring on my phone was distinctly different from the tornado watch that usually comes on during bad weather.

Right before the worst of the storm hit us, I looked outside and saw that the sky was colored a green tint.

This wasn’t the first time I’d seen this. Just a few months ago, a storm came through our area that caused the same thing to happen. That time, though, the weather had eventually died down. This time, I watched as the wind began to beat violently against a tree in front of our house with an increasing intensity that I could hardly keep up with, the sky seemingly growing greener and greener as the wind grew more ferocious.

I started praying that things would calm down and that the storm would pass us.

Just then, my mother called for me saying that we were about to get hit. As I walked into the living room, the lights and television began to flicker and I heard the wind picking up outside along with the sound of debris hitting the house.

My mother ushered everyone into the downstairs bathroom and although I almost hesitated to join her, for some reason, I still obediently followed her.

I will never forget the sounds I heard as we sheltered together in that bathroom. I honestly pray that I never have to hear sounds like that again.

All I could think about was the safety of my loved ones. All I could think about was my own safety.

I didn’t think about material possessions. I didn’t think about the plans I had for the day. I didn’t think about career goals or accolades.

I prayed and prayed.

I asked everyone if we could sing a hymn together to calm myself down.

I wondered what we were going to see when we were finally able to open the bathroom door.

I was so afraid.

But as afraid as I was, I also had an inexplicable peace in the thought that whatever happened to me or my loved ones, we were ultimately in God’s hands.

When things started to quiet down and we felt that it was safe enough, we opened the bathroom door. To my surprise, everything was just as it had been when we rushed into the bathroom although the electricity in the house was now off.

Isn’t it funny how the whole world can be in total chaos but something like a flower or a television remote on a kitchen counter can be blissfully unaware of it?

While there was some damage outside, our home and neighborhood were otherwise completely fine. Unfortunately, many people had it so much worse than we did.

I’m still a little shaken up but I also have this thought echoing through my mind: “Ok, I went through that. It happened. It’s over now”.

As repairs continue in our area and power is restored, I am grateful to live in a community where everyone takes care of each other so sweetly (I really, really, really love living in Tallahassee sooooo much ).

I am contemplating God’s power and giving the part of myself that is still gripped with fear over the thought of being in another tornado (or having to face any of my other worst fears) to Him.

I am doing the math in my head and trying to figure out just how one of my planting pots went from sitting on our back deck to being in my neighbor’s front yard.

I am DEEPLY concerned over the tiny part of my brain that went, “Whoa, that was kind of exhilarating” after the storm was over”.

Me @ myself:

I am pondering Psalm 121:4, “Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep” (KJV) and this quote from Charles Spurgeon, “The eyes of the Lord thy God are always upon thee, O believer, from the beginning of the year even to the end of the year” which have both been so comforting to me recently.

I am resting in the fact that no matter what happens, God is on His throne.

Why I Took Down Most Of My Books

For anyone that has read my books over the course of the past few years (and thank you to anyone that has taken the time to read anything that I have released, I genuinely appreciate you), you might be wondering why some of them became unavailable about a year or so ago. I wrote a blog post about this on my old website when the books were first taken down but ended up deleting it because I didn’t think anyone had noticed that they were gone or that anyone really cared. But I was wrong and I owe you an explanation.

So here it goes:

I no longer agree with the theology that many of my previous books were often centered in and believe that that theology does not reflect true biblical Christianity. Additionally, I do not feel that the content that has been included in some of my books and music is in alignment with my faith as a Christian.

Much of what I wrote in the past was a reflection of prosperity gospel and charismatic teachings and even, at times, new age beliefs/practices that I wrongly thought were not in conflict with Christian faith. As a result, my writing was not always an accurate representation of the true gospel of Jesus Christ.

Because of this, I removed many of the books and writings that I had released. I also made the decision to take down my podcast, Heart Revival, and to end my daily newsletter. The books that are currently still available have been kept up out of respect for the hard work of those who collaborated with me in releasing them. The same goes for the music that I have previously released.

Again, I genuinely appreciate every single person that has taken the time to read my books or engage with anything that I have released. I also appreciate the feedback that I have received and the support.

God bless you.