Lora Cheadle's Blog: What Infidelity Taught me About Love, page 5

Surviving Betrayal: How to Go from Surviving to Thriving After Infidelity��

You were betrayed and the pain you feel is unbearable.

You, your relationship, and your life have been irreparably changed. Perhaps you are desperate to forget ��� to go back to a life where your illusions, trust, and heart have not been broken. Or perhaps obsessive thoughts fill your mind, and you alternate between sobbing on the floor, plotting your revenge, and desperately trying to make sense of it all.

My hunch is you want none of this to have ever happened and you desperately want to feel normal again. You want the truth. To get to the root of the betrayal and understand what was really going on, why it had happened, and to have it all make some sort of sense.

Even if you might not believe it now, you are capable of surviving betrayal and you will find happiness and flourish. Not in spite of the betrayal, but because of it. Because betrayal uncovers the truth of everywhere you���ve covered your truth and let your worth be chipped away. There is hope. There is healing. No matter how gutted you feel, you are not alone, you are not broken, and you are absolutely not to blame.

Your devastation is an invitation to reclaim your power, agency, and�� identity. That way you can develop unshakable confidence and rock-solid self-worth and finally have the courage to do for yourself all of the things you meant to do, or planned to do someday when, but got lost along the way. Because betrayal – as shocking and painful as it can be – is also a catalyst to help you come fully back to life.

 

HOW TO COPE WITH INFIDELITY AND BETRAYAL

First, you must tend to yourself. Surviving betrayal and true, lasting healing from infidelity begin by focusing on you���not on the other person or what they did to you.

During this time, you can:Honor the magnitude of your situation by taking time to be alone, in silence and stillness without expectation, until you find your bearings and begin to find some comfort in this uncomfortable new worldJournal, cry, think, and attend to your own needs, until you remember what it���s like to feel supported, trusted, and well-attended to by youStart uncovering the stories, beliefs, or expectations you have carried with you about who you are, whether or not people can be trusted, how relationships turn out, and what you should get based on what you are worth, and untangle your betrayal

After your immediate mental and physical needs are cared for, you can begin to figure out how to move on with your life and start the work of surviving betrayal and rebuilding your life after your partner���s affair.

To do that you need:A direction in which to look. You need hope, inspiration, and something to hang on to that will keep you moving ahead into a future of your choosing���instead of falling into despair and ending up bitter, resentful, and filled with hate.Community. You need people who have been where you are and have flourished���whether that is an affair recovery group or the love of supportive friends and family. The pain of infidelity is unique and you need connection with people who will not judge you, shame you, or rush you as you pick up the pieces of your life and begin again.

 

THE EFFECTS OF BETRAYAL

 

Betrayal pulls the rug out from under you and upends every aspect of life���emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, and mentally.

Instead of choosing to rebuild one area of yourself or your life, you are forced to rebuild every area of your life and identity while struggling to survive betrayal and come to terms with the shock and pain of infidelity. And because nobody is practiced at rebuilding everything, all at the same time, you are going to feel overwhelmed, incompetent, victimized, and totally lost. Which is totally normal!

The gap between where you are now, and where you want to be, can seem too large to traverse. And sometimes, this can l make you want to either crumble and give up, or leap ahead into a new life, home, or relationship in hopes of feeling settled and normal once again.

But surviving betrayal means healing your relationship with your power, identity, and self-worth. Which is a journey and a choice that only you can make. There is no requirement or timetable for recovery, and surviving betrayal does not happen unless you decide you want to heal.

REBUILDING TRUST AFTER BETRAYAL

 

As a Betrayal Recovery Expert who works with women who���ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and are ready to let go of the grief, pain, and heartbreak, I am often asked, ���How can I�� trust again?���

The concern expressed underneath this question is, ���What if I get hurt again? What if I open myself up, and get hurt? I don���t think I can take that.���

Trusting again after surviving betrayal begins with a radical understanding and untangling of the multitude of ways you were betrayed. Too often, we characterize infidelity or betrayal as a single act, or if there was more than one partner, as multiple, yet still countable acts of betrayal.

However, each so-called ���act of betrayal��� involves multiple, yet difficult to define acts of betrayal that have nothing to do with infidelity. Instead, they have to do with culture, ideology, beliefs, and even your view of yourself.

Yes, betrayal involves the obvious breaches of emotional, financial, marital, and sexual trust, but there are also the less obvious violations of trust around how the world is ���supposed to��� work. What it means to be married, what a ���good woman��� or ���perfect wife��� is worthy of receiving, and what you thought you had ���signed up for��� or what your life was ���supposed to��� be like.

Of course, it���s difficult to trust again after surviving betrayal, but it���s not impossible. You can untangle the many ways in which you were betrayed, reconnect to your authentic identity and self-worth, and start building trust in yourself and your life once again. Surviving betrayal does not hinder your ability to trust others. It teaches you to trust yourself.

Surviving betrayal and infidelity challenges you to understand yourself and the world differently. Whether you find self-compassion, explore different narratives, or develop the capacity to forgive, surviving betrayal and infidelity makes you sovereign and wise. You now know unequivocally that your life really is all about you. You are the only one who can validate your intuition, determine your beliefs, write your story, and choose who, what, and when to trust again. Most importantly, you now know the only way to trust others is to learn to trust yourself first.

 

HOW TO LOVE AGAIN AFTER SURVIVING BETRAYAL AND INFIDELITY

 

Healing your heart after surviving betrayal and infidelity requires being brave enough to go deep and heal yourself.

When a physical wound is too deep, it is stuffed with gauze and intentionally kept open. That���s because wounds need to heal from the inside out. When the surface level of the wound closes too fast, it can lead to infection and delay healing.

Broken hearts must also be mended from the inside out.

To love is to risk being hurt. There is nothing anyone can do to make loving safe or guaranteed.

Opening your heart means you are willing to:Accept a certain amount of risk. While there are things you can do to minimize risk, there are no guarantees what will or will not happen. And that���s okay! You can still choose to trust that your life is on the right path, even though there will be slip-ups.Declare yourself as someone who loves. Loving and receiving love are two very different things. You can love ice cream, pasta, puppies, or Jason Momoa, but they (probably) don���t love you back!

Loving feels good and brings joy all on its own. While it���s nice to be loved, love is not a tit-for-tat type of thing. When you declare yourself as someone who loves, you set yourself free to do just that – to love! If someone loves you back, it���s a bonus, but it���s not someone else���s right to determine if you are loving and lovable or not. That���s something you define and choose for yourself.

 

HOW TO RECLAIM YOUR IDENTITY AFTER BETRAYAL

 

Achieving long-term happiness means finding the freedom to express yourself comfortably and confidently as you are, not as you think you should be. In order to survive betrayal, re-discover your identity, and thrive, you must give yourself time to master your new habits, skills, and life.

Research shows that it takes a person approximately fifty times of doing an activity to feel comfortable and confident in that activity. It doesn���t matter if it���s repairing a car, managing finances, or learning to come home to an empty house���it���s going to take about fifty tries before you feel comfortable in your new life. Stay consistent, dedicated, and positive and before long your new life is going to feel comfortable and secure.

No matter if you are seeking to rebuild your identity, self-worth, or your entire life���let go of the idea that you can ���fix��� things after surviving betrayal. You are supposed to be uncomfortable right now. Allow yourself the compassion you would show someone who is just starting out with something new.

A glorious new life requires a strong foundation. Give yourself the time to build that now, so you don���t need to rebuild again a few years later.

Lean in to what you love – or what you might love. Now is your opportunity to reconnect to former passions or try new things and discover something new. Tune into your heart and listen to the rhythm of your soul. Separate who you are from who you think you are supposed to be. Check in on your mental, spiritual, and physical foundations and make all of the necessary adjustments.

And most importantly, remember that you���ve got your own back. You are entitled to change your mind at any time, you are capable of caring for yourself, and you have the power to make yourself feel better, despite what anyone else says or does.

 

Ready to take the next step?��

Lora Cheadle is a Colorado-based speaker/trainer, attorney, and betrayal-recovery coach who works with women whose lives have been shattered by betrayal and want to:

Overcome the shock, devastation, and pain, find their power, and reclaim inner peaceRebuild trust in themselves, their intuition, and the worldMake sense of their story and begin rewriting their future on their own terms regardless of their partner���s participation, interest, or actionsReconcile the life they have now with the life they thought they had signed up forOvercome obsessive thoughts and move on with confidence, clarity, and excitement for the futureBring themselves fully back to life again, stronger, happier, and more self-expressed�� than ever before

Her 5-step betrayal recovery process shows women how to move from shattered to sovereign, so they can untangle themselves from the pain of the past, uncover the power that���s been inside them all along, and move confidently into a future of their own design.

Learn more about Lora���s services here.

The post Surviving Betrayal: How to Go from Surviving to Thriving After Infidelity�� appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

Surviving Betrayal: How to Go from Surviving to Thriving After Infidelity

You were betrayed and the pain you feel is unbearable.

You, your relationship, and your life have been irreparably changed. Perhaps you are desperate to forget – to go back to a life where your illusions, trust, and heart have not been broken. Or perhaps obsessive thoughts fill your mind, and you alternate between sobbing on the floor, plotting your revenge, and desperately trying to make sense of it all.

My hunch is you want none of this to have ever happened and you desperately want to feel normal again. You want the truth. To get to the root of the betrayal and understand what was really going on, why it had happened, and to have it all make some sort of sense.

Even if you might not believe it now, you are capable of surviving betrayal and you will find happiness and flourish. Not in spite of the betrayal, but because of it. Because betrayal uncovers the truth of everywhere you’ve covered your truth and let your worth be chipped away. There is hope. There is healing. No matter how gutted you feel, you are not alone, you are not broken, and you are absolutely not to blame.

Your devastation is an invitation to reclaim your power, agency, and  identity. That way you can develop unshakable confidence and rock-solid self-worth and finally have the courage to do for yourself all of the things you meant to do, or planned to do someday when, but got lost along the way. Because betrayal – as shocking and painful as it can be – is also a catalyst to help you come fully back to life.

 

HOW TO COPE WITH INFIDELITY AND BETRAYAL

First, you must tend to yourself. Surviving betrayal and true, lasting healing from infidelity begin by focusing on you—not on the other person or what they did to you.

During this time, you can:Honor the magnitude of your situation by taking time to be alone, in silence and stillness without expectation, until you find your bearings and begin to find some comfort in this uncomfortable new worldJournal, cry, think, and attend to your own needs, until you remember what it’s like to feel supported, trusted, and well-attended to by youStart uncovering the stories, beliefs, or expectations you have carried with you about who you are, whether or not people can be trusted, how relationships turn out, and what you should get based on what you are worth, and untangle your betrayal

After your immediate mental and physical needs are cared for, you can begin to figure out how to move on with your life and start the work of surviving betrayal and rebuilding your life after your partner’s affair.

To do that you need:A direction in which to look. You need hope, inspiration, and something to hang on to that will keep you moving ahead into a future of your choosing—instead of falling into despair and ending up bitter, resentful, and filled with hate.Community. You need people who have been where you are and have flourished—whether that is an affair recovery group or the love of supportive friends and family. The pain of infidelity is unique and you need connection with people who will not judge you, shame you, or rush you as you pick up the pieces of your life and begin again.

 

THE EFFECTS OF BETRAYAL

 

Betrayal pulls the rug out from under you and upends every aspect of life—emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, and mentally.

Instead of choosing to rebuild one area of yourself or your life, you are forced to rebuild every area of your life and identity while struggling to survive betrayal and come to terms with the shock and pain of infidelity. And because nobody is practiced at rebuilding everything, all at the same time, you are going to feel overwhelmed, incompetent, victimized, and totally lost. Which is totally normal!

The gap between where you are now, and where you want to be, can seem too large to traverse. And sometimes, this can l make you want to either crumble and give up, or leap ahead into a new life, home, or relationship in hopes of feeling settled and normal once again.

But surviving betrayal means healing your relationship with your power, identity, and self-worth. Which is a journey and a choice that only you can make. There is no requirement or timetable for recovery, and surviving betrayal does not happen unless you decide you want to heal.

REBUILDING TRUST AFTER BETRAYAL

 

As a Betrayal Recovery Expert who works with women who’ve been betrayed by their intimate partner and are ready to let go of the grief, pain, and heartbreak, I am often asked, “How can I  trust again?”

The concern expressed underneath this question is, “What if I get hurt again? What if I open myself up, and get hurt? I don’t think I can take that.”

Trusting again after surviving betrayal begins with a radical understanding and untangling of the multitude of ways you were betrayed. Too often, we characterize infidelity or betrayal as a single act, or if there was more than one partner, as multiple, yet still countable acts of betrayal.

However, each so-called “act of betrayal” involves multiple, yet difficult to define acts of betrayal that have nothing to do with infidelity. Instead, they have to do with culture, ideology, beliefs, and even your view of yourself.

Yes, betrayal involves the obvious breaches of emotional, financial, marital, and sexual trust, but there are also the less obvious violations of trust around how the world is “supposed to” work. What it means to be married, what a “good woman” or “perfect wife” is worthy of receiving, and what you thought you had “signed up for” or what your life was “supposed to” be like.

Of course, it’s difficult to trust again after surviving betrayal, but it’s not impossible. You can untangle the many ways in which you were betrayed, reconnect to your authentic identity and self-worth, and start building trust in yourself and your life once again. Surviving betrayal does not hinder your ability to trust others. It teaches you to trust yourself.

Surviving betrayal and infidelity challenges you to understand yourself and the world differently. Whether you find self-compassion, explore different narratives, or develop the capacity to forgive, surviving betrayal and infidelity makes you sovereign and wise. You now know unequivocally that your life really is all about you. You are the only one who can validate your intuition, determine your beliefs, write your story, and choose who, what, and when to trust again. Most importantly, you now know the only way to trust others is to learn to trust yourself first.

 

HOW TO LOVE AGAIN AFTER SURVIVING BETRAYAL AND INFIDELITY

 

Healing your heart after surviving betrayal and infidelity requires being brave enough to go deep and heal yourself.

When a physical wound is too deep, it is stuffed with gauze and intentionally kept open. That’s because wounds need to heal from the inside out. When the surface level of the wound closes too fast, it can lead to infection and delay healing.

Broken hearts must also be mended from the inside out.

To love is to risk being hurt. There is nothing anyone can do to make loving safe or guaranteed.

Opening your heart means you are willing to:Accept a certain amount of risk. While there are things you can do to minimize risk, there are no guarantees what will or will not happen. And that’s okay! You can still choose to trust that your life is on the right path, even though there will be slip-ups.Declare yourself as someone who loves. Loving and receiving love are two very different things. You can love ice cream, pasta, puppies, or Jason Momoa, but they (probably) don’t love you back!

Loving feels good and brings joy all on its own. While it’s nice to be loved, love is not a tit-for-tat type of thing. When you declare yourself as someone who loves, you set yourself free to do just that – to love! If someone loves you back, it’s a bonus, but it’s not someone else’s right to determine if you are loving and lovable or not. That’s something you define and choose for yourself.

 

HOW TO RECLAIM YOUR IDENTITY AFTER BETRAYAL

 

Achieving long-term happiness means finding the freedom to express yourself comfortably and confidently as you are, not as you think you should be. In order to survive betrayal, re-discover your identity, and thrive, you must give yourself time to master your new habits, skills, and life.

Research shows that it takes a person approximately fifty times of doing an activity to feel comfortable and confident in that activity. It doesn’t matter if it’s repairing a car, managing finances, or learning to come home to an empty house—it’s going to take about fifty tries before you feel comfortable in your new life. Stay consistent, dedicated, and positive and before long your new life is going to feel comfortable and secure.

No matter if you are seeking to rebuild your identity, self-worth, or your entire life—let go of the idea that you can “fix” things after surviving betrayal. You are supposed to be uncomfortable right now. Allow yourself the compassion you would show someone who is just starting out with something new.

A glorious new life requires a strong foundation. Give yourself the time to build that now, so you don’t need to rebuild again a few years later.

Lean in to what you love – or what you might love. Now is your opportunity to reconnect to former passions or try new things and discover something new. Tune into your heart and listen to the rhythm of your soul. Separate who you are from who you think you are supposed to be. Check in on your mental, spiritual, and physical foundations and make all of the necessary adjustments.

And most importantly, remember that you’ve got your own back. You are entitled to change your mind at any time, you are capable of caring for yourself, and you have the power to make yourself feel better, despite what anyone else says or does.

 

Ready to take the next step? 

Lora Cheadle is a Colorado-based speaker/trainer, attorney, and betrayal-recovery coach who works with women whose lives have been shattered by betrayal and want to:

Overcome the shock, devastation, and pain, find their power, and reclaim inner peaceRebuild trust in themselves, their intuition, and the worldMake sense of their story and begin rewriting their future on their own terms regardless of their partner’s participation, interest, or actionsReconcile the life they have now with the life they thought they had signed up forOvercome obsessive thoughts and move on with confidence, clarity, and excitement for the futureBring themselves fully back to life again, stronger, happier, and more self-expressed  than ever before

Her 5-step betrayal recovery process shows women how to move from shattered to sovereign, so they can untangle themselves from the pain of the past, uncover the power that’s been inside them all along, and move confidently into a future of their own design.

Learn more about Lora’s services here.

The post Surviving Betrayal: How to Go from Surviving to Thriving After Infidelity  appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

Are You “Auditioning For,” or “Starring In” Your Life?

“My recent trip to see The Music Man on Broadway (where I was lucky enough to see Hugh Jackman as he left the theater) taught me a very important lesson. It reminded me of the difference between auditioning for and starring in your life.

 

 

The Music Man was the very first play I was ever in. I was in 5th grade, we had recently moved, and I was thrilled to discover The Adult Children’s Theater, A.C.T., a local community theater group. But even though I wanted to sing and dance and act more than anything, I was really scared to audition!Luckily, one of my best friends and her brother agreed to a trio, singing I am on my Way from Paint Your Wagon. We practiced for hours, perfecting both the words and the choreography. I sang in the shower, I sang in the car on the way to school, I sat at the piano day after day, belting out my part and going through my moves each night before bed. It was so much fun to just cut loose and perform!

The day of the audition finally arrived. Dressed in our western themed costumes, with painted freckles on our cheeks, we climbed up on stage and waited for the pianist to begin. Although we did a good job, I remember being way more reserved on stage than I had ever been at home. Yes, it helped to have my friends there, but I still felt awkward and insecure.

 

 

I was cast in the chorus, which I loved, and over the next nine years I auditioned for many other plays, choirs, dance ensembles, ballet companies, modeling gigs, and pom-pom squads. Because I auditioned so often, I got comfortable with the idea of giving it my all to “prove my worth,” molding myself into somebody else’s idea of who I should be, and even with rejection.

 

I have a vivid memory of sitting across from an agent and telling her how much I welcomed criticism because it gave me something to strive for. I explained how my ballet training taught me that if someone cared enough to criticize me, then it meant I was good enough to be worth their time to criticize.

Wow…

What about being worth it simply because you are a human being? What about being enough even if you have no dance potential, are the wrong height or gender and can’t sing, act, or dance your way out of a wet paper bag?

While I understand that auditioning is a way of life in theater and dance and I recognize that try outs for sports, job interviews, standardized tests, and even dating are simply different forms of “the audition,” what would it be like if we stopped internalizing the message that we needed to audition for, and then “be chosen” for anything in our lives?

 

What if we claimed our worth first, established a baseline of self-acceptance and being “good enough” and used the audition/try-out/interview/test/date as a tool to determine goodness of fit?

 

Because what I know now, is that criticism is not love. I know that it’s not my job to contort myself into somebody else’s idea of what and who I should be in order to be valued or worthy. I know that I am entitled to be who I am and deserving of the kind of life and relationships that I desire. I know that this is my life, and as such, I get to live it fully. Without feeling like I need to audition for it. After all, I already got the part!

What would it be like if you stopped auditioning for your own life? Whether at home, at work, or in your heart and head, how different would you show up if you knew that you already had the part? That you had already been declared good enough.

Imposter Syndrome would subside. Stress with family, friends or romantic relationships would dissolve because you’d know that you had already been chosen. And most importantly, the ways you’d care for yourself would improve, because you would know that you were the one. The star of the show. The one around which all life revolved. Not in a selfish or egocentric kind of way, but in a deeply worthy kind of way.

So what are you waiting for? You’ve got the part. Now get out there and play it!

 

The post Are You “Auditioning For,” or “Starring In” Your Life? appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

Set Yourself Free From Self-Betrayal at Work & in Life

I’ve been working on this for a while, but it finally sunk in yesterday. Nearly a year after writing my TEDx, which talks about how we can’t control the way other people perceive us, I finally understand why it’s so damaging to have other people misperceive or mischaracterize us and our intentions.

Ironically, the damage doesn’t come from the person who misperceives us, it comes from us.

The damage is done when we try to correct the other person’s perception by explaining who we really are, as opposed to what we meant. Again, and again.

 

The Difference Between Explaining Yourself & Fighting For Your Worth

 

Misunderstandings happen, and when they do, explaining yourself corrects the misunderstanding and creates understanding. It brings both parties back to the same page. The misunderstanding comes from not being on the same page to begin with.

When you and have the same perception about who we each are, misunderstandings are easy to correct. I know in my heart that you are a good, honest, and decent person, and you know in your heart that I am a good, honest, and decent person. We both agree on this and the way we value each other is the same.*

 

Misunderstandings

 

A misunderstanding might come when you say or something that I interpret differently than you intended, but my view of who you are remains the same. Asking questions or having a quick conversation resolves the misunderstanding and the two parties go on about their lives unharmed.

“I thought you were handling that case/cooking dinner/playing pickle ball tonight.”

“No, I was just looking through the case file to find an email address I needed/setting out food for a recipe I’m putting together for tomorrow/trying out a new yoga class with friends instead.”

 

Misperceptions

 

The problem comes when you perceive me as different than I perceive myself. For example, when I see myself as helpful, loving, and determined but you see me as controlling, needy, and stubborn.

We do not share a common understanding about who we are, so misunderstandings cannot be corrected because the underlying assumptions about the other person are incorrect.

Using the examples above, instead the misunderstanding being resolved by the honest and correct statements, “No, I was just looking through the case file to find an email address I needed/setting out food for a recipe I’m putting together for tomorrow/trying out a new yoga class with friends instead.” The argument gets personal. “You were setting me up and trying to take credit for that case (because I see you as controlling)/you were passive-aggressively trying to get me to cook because you didn’t want to because you can’t handle both dinner and prep for tomorrow (because I see you as needy)/you are intentionally leaving me hanging with pickle ball and refusing to try yoga on a different night. (because I see you as stubborn).”

I can tell you what my intentions were. I can fight with you. I can provide evidence of who I am. I can show how and why I am helpful, loving, and determined, but if you believe me to be controlling, needy, and stubborn, I cannot correct your perception of who I am.

 

Betrayal of Self

 

Every time I frantically plead with you to know me better, every time I spin myself up, waste my own precious time and energy trying to get you to see me as I know myself to be, I betray myself.

The damage you did to me in misperceiving me hurts. But is is nowhere near as vicious as the damage I do to myself trying to convince you otherwise.

Going forward, it’s about me. Me having my own back and refusing to betray myself again.

 

 

I Release Us…

I release you from “being corrected.” I release you from having to change the way you see me or understand me.

I release myself from trying to get you to see me as I know I am.

In my desperation to be seen, known, and loved for who I am, not for the misperceived version of me that you hold, I have betrayed and abandoned myself. I have questioned myself and my worth.

I no longer need your vision to be corrected. I am fine and secure within myself. How you see me doesn’t change who I am.

I betray myself every time I dance around explaining myself and try to get you to see the truth.

I am done betraying myself by defending myself. My truth exists with or without your affirmation of it.

Seeking to convince you is futile. It wastes my time, drains my energy, and causes me to question myself unnecessarily.

I trust myself more because I know who I am. You can believe whatever you want about me because I know my truth.

This year, I set us both free.

 

*The way we perceive ourselves and others does not necessarily need to be the same, or positive. What matters is that we both see the same traits. If I see myself as cut-throat, determined and stoic, the only thing that matters is that you view me the same way. If I see myself as weak, needy, and helpless, the only thing that matters is that you see me the same way. Having similar, or the same perception of truth is what matters.

The post Set Yourself Free From Self-Betrayal at Work & in Life appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

What���s The Difference Between Resolutions, Intentions, & Manifesting?

Happy 2023! While I���m not big on New Year���s Resolutions (because statistically speaking, only 9% of resolutions are successful) I am big on manifesting and setting intentions.

 

What���s The Difference Between Resolutions, Intentions, & Manifesting?

 

A Resolution is about being resolute, firm, and decisive. The energy around resolutions is harsh and you either succeed or you fail. There is no middle ground.

An Intention is a plan, something that you aim for. The energy around intention is softer. There is room for so-called ���error��� and as long as you are facing in the right direction, aiming towards the target, still wanting the thing that you intend, you are on track.

Manifesting means to make evident or certain by showing or displaying. Contrary to popular believe, this is not about magic-ing red corvettes our of thin air. Manifesting is about making something evident by showing or displaying yourself in a certain state of being.

���

Stick with me here.

���

If you want to manifest peace and joy, your task is to display or show yourself as peaceful and joyful.If you want to find healing, your task is to display or show yourself as healed.If you want to find love, abundance, or success, your task is to display or show yourself as love, abundance, or success.

���

Not by masking up and pretending. Not by being pretentious or lying about how you feel. Not by Resolving to feel differently than you do. That���s false positivity or spiritual bypassing and it doesn���t work.

���

But by intending to be peaceful and joyful in the midst of chaos.By intending to be healed and whole in the midst of being broken.By intending to be love, abundance, and successful in the midst of heartbreak, poverty, and failure.

���

It s a subtle but powerful shift that moves mountains!

 

What Do You Intend to Manifest This Year?

 

This year I intend to be successful. In staying present, receiving love, honoring my body, heart and desires, in health, in my business, in anything that endeavor to do. Not by being perfect or ���winning��� but by showing or displaying myself as successful no matter what���s going on around me.

Bomb a speech? Launch an unsuccessful program? Screw up and fight with my kids? Overeat and neglect to work out? You name it, I am going to give myself the gift of seeing myself as successful in every circumstance. Because if I can���t see myself as I intend to be, how I can I expect others to? How can I expect it to be?

 

What about you? What are you going to manifest this year?

���

Happy New Year!

The post What���s The Difference Between Resolutions, Intentions, & Manifesting? appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

What’s The Difference Between Resolutions, Intentions, & Manifesting?

Happy 2023! While I’m not big on New Year’s Resolutions (because statistically speaking, only 9% of resolutions are successful) I am big on manifesting and setting intentions.

 

What’s The Difference Between Resolutions, Intentions, & Manifesting?

 

A Resolution is about being resolute, firm, and decisive. The energy around resolutions is harsh and you either succeed or you fail. There is no middle ground.

An Intention is a plan, something that you aim for. The energy around intention is softer. There is room for so-called “error” and as long as you are facing in the right direction, aiming towards the target, still wanting the thing that you intend, you are on track.

Manifesting means to make evident or certain by showing or displaying. Contrary to popular believe, this is not about magic-ing red corvettes our of thin air. Manifesting is about making something evident by showing or displaying yourself in a certain state of being.

​

Stick with me here.

​

If you want to manifest peace and joy, your task is to display or show yourself as peaceful and joyful.If you want to find healing, your task is to display or show yourself as healed.If you want to find love, abundance, or success, your task is to display or show yourself as love, abundance, or success.

​

Not by masking up and pretending. Not by being pretentious or lying about how you feel. Not by Resolving to feel differently than you do. That’s false positivity or spiritual bypassing and it doesn’t work.

​

But by intending to be peaceful and joyful in the midst of chaos.By intending to be healed and whole in the midst of being broken.By intending to be love, abundance, and successful in the midst of heartbreak, poverty, and failure.

​

It s a subtle but powerful shift that moves mountains!

 

What Do You Intend to Manifest This Year?

 

This year I intend to be successful. In staying present, receiving love, honoring my body, heart and desires, in health, in my business, in anything that endeavor to do. Not by being perfect or “winning” but by showing or displaying myself as successful no matter what’s going on around me.

Bomb a speech? Launch an unsuccessful program? Screw up and fight with my kids? Overeat and neglect to work out? You name it, I am going to give myself the gift of seeing myself as successful in every circumstance. Because if I can’t see myself as I intend to be, how I can I expect others to? How can I expect it to be?

 

What about you? What are you going to manifest this year?

​

Happy New Year!

The post What’s The Difference Between Resolutions, Intentions, & Manifesting? appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

A Piece for Peace ��� Winter Solstice 2022

We live in a culture that is afraid of the dark, both literally and metaphorically. We celebrate beauty, success, and power and we cover and hide that which is inconvenient, painful, or weak. We don���t like things that are ugly or messy and we tend to shame ourselves and others for not being able to put on a happy face or be perfect all the time.

 

But the truth is, nothing is perfect all the time! We don���t live in a state of perpetual light, nor would we want to if we could.

 

While celebrating the light is fun, (Christmas! Hanukkah! Kwanzaa! Think of the many ways we celebrate light.) being in the light does not cultivate growth or change. Being in the light does not inspire compassion or connection. Being in the light does not test our strength or allow us to determine what we desire for ourselves, our world, or those we care about.

 

Being in the dark does. Facing the dark night of the soul is where things get real. Because when faced with darkness, we have two choices:

Search for the light outside ourselves, orSearch for the light within.

 

Are You Cultivating Your Own Light or Relying on Others to do it for You?

 

One of my favorite verses, ���as within, so without��� reminds me that in order for me to see what I want to see in the world, I have to see it first within myself. If I want to receive light from others, I have to first cultivate and illuminate it within myself.

 

In other words, I have to do my own work.

 

While reaching outside of ourselves for light is fine (because we all need inspiration at times) cultivating the light within is what keeps us grounded in truth and centered in our own power and spiritual connection.�� After all, we cannot be led astray when we follow the light within.

 

The world becomes dark during Winter Solstice for a reason. So we can find our own light.

 

And no, finding a glorious ball of sun, a bonfire of light is not required! All that���s required is a PIECE. Finding a PIECE of our own light is what brings PEACE!

 

We don���t need to illuminate the whole world; we just need to illuminate ourselves.

 

 

Because when everyone on the planet illuminates their own hearts, we will finally have Peace on Earth!

 

 

Wishing you the joy of the season, in both darkness and light!

 

XXOO,

Lora

 

PS ��� This year���s Winter Solstice message comes straight from The Librarians, a group of entities that bring wisdom to humanity. If you���d like more of their wisdom, join me for Coffee with the Librarians every Tuesday on Facebook or YouTube.

 

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLByVsi5zB-PqoN2dMdbCOVqt3MZee_WLQ

The post A Piece for Peace ��� Winter Solstice 2022 appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

A Piece for Peace – Winter Solstice 2022

We live in a culture that is afraid of the dark, both literally and metaphorically. We celebrate beauty, success, and power and we cover and hide that which is inconvenient, painful, or weak. We don’t like things that are ugly or messy and we tend to shame ourselves and others for not being able to put on a happy face or be perfect all the time.

 

But the truth is, nothing is perfect all the time! We don’t live in a state of perpetual light, nor would we want to if we could.

 

While celebrating the light is fun, (Christmas! Hanukkah! Kwanzaa! Think of the many ways we celebrate light.) being in the light does not cultivate growth or change. Being in the light does not inspire compassion or connection. Being in the light does not test our strength or allow us to determine what we desire for ourselves, our world, or those we care about.

 

Being in the dark does. Facing the dark night of the soul is where things get real. Because when faced with darkness, we have two choices:

Search for the light outside ourselves, orSearch for the light within.

 

Are You Cultivating Your Own Light or Relying on Others to do it for You?

 

One of my favorite verses, “as within, so without” reminds me that in order for me to see what I want to see in the world, I have to see it first within myself. If I want to receive light from others, I have to first cultivate and illuminate it within myself.

 

In other words, I have to do my own work.

 

While reaching outside of ourselves for light is fine (because we all need inspiration at times) cultivating the light within is what keeps us grounded in truth and centered in our own power and spiritual connection.  After all, we cannot be led astray when we follow the light within.

 

The world becomes dark during Winter Solstice for a reason. So we can find our own light.

 

And no, finding a glorious ball of sun, a bonfire of light is not required! All that’s required is a PIECE. Finding a PIECE of our own light is what brings PEACE!

 

We don’t need to illuminate the whole world; we just need to illuminate ourselves.

 

 

Because when everyone on the planet illuminates their own hearts, we will finally have Peace on Earth!

 

 

Wishing you the joy of the season, in both darkness and light!

 

XXOO,

Lora

 

PS – This year’s Winter Solstice message comes straight from The Librarians, a group of entities that bring wisdom to humanity. If you’d like more of their wisdom, join me for Coffee with the Librarians every Tuesday on Facebook or YouTube.

 

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLByVsi5zB-PqoN2dMdbCOVqt3MZee_WLQ

The post A Piece for Peace – Winter Solstice 2022 appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

Holiday Season Poop! A New Take on Gratitude that will set you Free

The day before Thanksgiving I had lunch with my extended family. Over lunch we had a conversation about food and health. I shared that I had joined Weight Watchers because of my realization that my diet and portion size had gotten out of control. Living with a husband and two sons who are always hungry, and who burn about 400,000 calories a day, it makes sense that I’d lost track of what I needed for me!

 

I shared that Weight Watchers points were calculated based on a combination of calories and fiber, and that after a few months of counting points, I hoped to be regulated to what was a “normal” amount of food for me.

 

The next words out of my mouth were that I was going to go home and bake all the deserts for our Thanksgiving meal the next day! Which led my dad to ask, “Are you going to put Metamucil in the pies, so they have lower Weight Watchers points?’ Which led to peals of laughter and me creating a new recipe for “Pooping Pumpkin Pie” which includes instructions to “add once cup Metamucil” and then “sprinkle top of pie with remaining fiber and toast in hot oven until golden brown.” (Please do NOT try this at home! This is only a joke!)

What is Gratitude?

 

All this joking about poop and Thanksgiving got me thinking about gratitude. Too often we think of gratitude in terms of positives. About all the good and pleasant things in our lives that we are grateful for. DUHHHHH! Of course, we are grateful for the good things in our lives! Being grateful for the good is really nothing more than counting your blessings.

 

Counting our blessings is nice, and it can remind us of all the good things around us that we sometimes overlook but being grateful for what’s already good doesn’t stretch us or inspire us to grow. Finding gratitude for the poop does.

 

Not in a Pollyanna sort of way but in a deep, authentic sort of way.

 

Why Gratitude Helps You Feel Better

 

Finding gratitude for the bad, sad, and disappointing things that have happened and may still be happening in your life is where the rubber hits the road. It’s where you grow, change, rewire your mindset, and start to become. Become wise, calm, happy, more understanding, secure, compassionate, kind, or more Christ-like. Whatever it is for you, you become better.

 

When you are able to find even an iota of authentic gratitude for your trauma or pain, for the gifts brought forth by your trauma or pain, everything changes. Instead of being ruled by conditions, you become free. Free to live, love, express, and feel. Because you are no longer afraid that things will go wrong, pull you off center, or “steal your happiness.” No matter what happens, good or bad, you will be okay because you have the power to see (and feel) the good in everything. Because there is nowhere good is not.

 

And if you hear what I’m saying but can’t get there quite yet, that’s okay too! Your only task is to be where you are. Just remember that freedom, joy, and becoming all that you want to be, is found through the power of gratitude. Not gratitude for the good, but gratitude for the bad or challenging as well.

 

Simple Gratitude Practice – With a Twist!

 

I’ve attached a copy of Gratitude ABC’c a fun activity I’ve done with my family every year on Thanksgiving. This season, instead of down the good and positive things you are grateful for, try listing the stressors, challenges, and difficulties you have faced that you are grateful for. For example, my paper might look something like this:

 

A – Addiction: I’m grateful for the lessons around addiction and codependency I learned from my alcoholic boyfriend in college.

 

Your turn! What poopy things are you grateful for?

 

What might shift in your heart and in your life if you could feel gratitude for everything. Not just for your blessings?

 

Have a Happy Holiday Season! May they be filed with a certain amount of poop!

 

Download Your Gratitude ABC’s Here! Gratitude ABC’s

The post Holiday Season Poop! A New Take on Gratitude that will set you Free appeared first on Lora Cheadle.