Lora Cheadle's Blog: What Infidelity Taught me About Love, page 3

What’s the Difference Between Psychiatry, Therapy, Counseling & Coaching After Infidelity & Betrayal?

What’s the Difference Between Psychiatry, Therapy, Counseling & Coaching After Infidelity & Betrayal?

 

Betrayal—especially by someone you love and trust—cuts deep. It leaves you questioning everything: your worth, your reality, your past, and your future. And in that swirl of pain and confusion, one of the most important decisions you’ll face is this:

What kind of help do I need to heal after infidelity or betrayal trauma?

Should I talk to a therapist? Do I need medication? Is coaching right for me? What about marriage counseling? As a betrayal recovery coach and a former attorney who’s walked this road myself, I want to clear up the confusion, explain the differences, and empower you to get the right kind of help at the right time—without shame or second-guessing.

 

Psychiatry: Support for Chemical & Clinical Mental Health Needs

 

Let’s start at the medical end of the spectrum. Psychiatrists are medical doctors. They’re trained to diagnose and treat mental health disorders using medications. In some cases, they may offer therapy too, but their primary focus is the biological side of mental health.

If you’re struggling with severe anxiety, depression, PTSD, or suicidal thoughts, or if you feel like your nervous system is completely fried and nothing seems to help, psychiatric support might be a life-saving first step. There is no shame in needing medication. Sometimes your brain chemistry needs help before you can even begin to process what’s happened.

 

Therapy & Counseling: Healing the Past & Understanding the Patterns

 

Therapists and counselors help you understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors—often by exploring the past and how your upbringing, trauma, or past relationships shaped who you are today. They can diagnose mental health conditions and are usually licensed professionals with advanced degrees.

When it comes to cheating and betrayal, I often say:

 

The person who cheated needs therapy. The person who was betrayed usually needs coaching.

 

That’s not a hard-and-fast rule, of course. But here’s what I mean: Cheating is often a maladaptive coping mechanism. It’s not just about sex or temptation—it’s a symptom of something unresolved within the cheater: low self-worth, trauma, addiction, fear of intimacy, or avoidance. That’s therapy territory.

For the person who’s been betrayed? It’s different. You didn’t cheat. You didn’t lie. You’re not the one who blew up your relationship. You need support, yes. But more than unpacking your childhood or analyzing your triggers, you need help moving forward, rebuilding your identity, and answering the hardest question of all:

 

Who am I now that everything I thought I knew has changed?

 

That’s where coaching comes in.

 

Marriage Counseling: When Is It Helpful—And When Is It Harmful?

 

After infidelity, many couples rush into marriage counseling or couples therapy to “save the relationship.” And while that can be a part of the healing journey, it’s not always the right first step. Marriage counseling is designed to help the relationship, not necessarily to help the individual people within it. That means it assumes both partners are showing up honestly, with shared goals, and a willingness to take accountability. But that is often not the case after betrayal, especially early on.

 

If one partner is gaslighting, lying, or manipulating the truth—especially in therapy—it becomes a tool for more harm, not healing.

 

Instead of clarity, the betrayed partner can feel more confused. Instead of support, they feel dismissed. A well-meaning therapist who doesn’t specialize in betrayal trauma support might treat both partners as equally responsible for the damage, rather than acknowledging that one partner caused a wound that the other now has to live with. This is why it’s often too soon for marriage counseling right after cheating or discovery.

So What’s the Alternative?

 

If you’re unsure whether your partner is doing the work or just playing the part…

If you’re not sure whether to stay, go, or wait…

If you’re being told “it’s time to forgive” but your body is screaming, “I’m not ready”…

You don’t need pressure.

You need a strategy.

 

Coaching: Forward Momentum, Identity Rebuilding & Empowered Living

 

Coaching is not about diagnosing mental illness or digging endlessly through your past. Coaching is about forward momentum. As an infidelity recovery coach, my role is to walk beside you as you reclaim your identity, rebuild your self-trust, and start creating a life that’s not just “healed” but exquisite—powerful, joyful, and on your terms.

We work with your mindset. We get into your body. We rewire beliefs. We use tools like somatic movement, hypnosis, and practical decision-making to help you take control of your story—not just survive betrayal, but alchemize it into growth.

 

Coaching vs. Marriage Counseling

 

Where marriage counseling centers the relationship, coaching centers YOU.

We don’t assume reconciliation.We don’t assign blame equally when it’s not warranted.We do create a personalized healing plan that can include individual therapy, trauma-informed couples work (when appropriate), and practical steps to regain power and peace.

Because you are not just half of a couple. You are a whole, worthy, powerful person.

 

Can You Have a Therapist and a Coach? Absolutely.

 

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to healing. Sometimes, you need both therapy and coaching. Maybe you need a trauma-informed therapist for betrayal to process childhood wounds and a coach to help you stop spiraling and take action. Great! There’s no shame in needing multiple kinds of support. In fact, I think having both is the best possible scenario. But please hear this:

Not all therapists or coaches are trauma-informed. And if they haven’t been through betrayal themselves, they might not fully get it.

This is why I stress the importance of choosing a practitioner—whether a coach, counselor, or therapist—who is trauma-aware and ideally, experienced in betrayal themselves. Textbook knowledge is not the same as lived experience. Without that depth, even well-meaning advice can feel invalidating or make things worse.

 

How to Know What You Need After Betrayal or Infidelity

 

Here’s a simple way to look at it:

 

You Might Need…If You Are…PsychiatryUnable to function, suicidal, having panic attacks, or suspect a clinical condition like PTSD or depressionTherapy/CounselingStruggling with childhood trauma, repeating toxic patterns, or needing help understanding your emotional historyMarriage CounselingIn a relationship where both partners are honest, safe, and actively working to repair—and the therapist is betrayal trauma-informedCoachingReady to reclaim your power, move forward, rebuild your confidence, and reinvent your life after betrayal

 

And remember, needing support doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re wise enough to heal intentionally.

 

You Deserve More Than Survival. You Deserve to Rise.

 

The real tragedy of betrayal isn’t the betrayal itself—it’s when we let it define us instead of refine us.

You deserve support that sees your wholeness. That honors your grief and guides you forward.
That helps you remember that your worth was never up for debate.

If you’re curious about coaching with me, I invite you to explore what’s possible. This isn’t about fixing what’s “wrong” with you. This is about becoming who you were always meant to be.

 

FAQ: What Kind of Help Do I Need After Infidelity?

 

Q: Should I see a therapist or a coach after betrayal?

A: It depends. If you’re dealing with deep emotional trauma, childhood wounds, or clinical symptoms like depression or anxiety, a trauma-informed therapist can help. But if you’re looking to rebuild your confidence, create a new identity, and move forward with clarity after betrayal, coaching is often the most empowering option.

Q: Is marriage counseling helpful after cheating?

A: Only when both partners are honest, accountable, and emotionally safe. In the early stages after betrayal, individual support is often more effective than couples counseling—especially if gaslighting or manipulation is present.

 

Want to Learn More?

Listen to this Podcast on the differences between coaching and therapy.

Download your free Betrayal Recovery Toolkit at BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and take the first step toward healing on every level—mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical.

For 10% off your first month of counseling with BetterHelp, click this link HERE.

Because you don’t have to do this alone, and you don’t have to stay stuck in the pain.

The post What’s the Difference Between Psychiatry, Therapy, Counseling & Coaching After Infidelity & Betrayal? appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

Why People Cheat: Uncovering the Real Reasons Behind Betrayal

Why People Cheat: Uncovering the Real Reasons Behind Betrayal

If you’ve been betrayed, you’ve likely asked yourself a painful question: Why did they cheat? You may have wondered if you weren’t enough, if you did something wrong, or if your relationship was doomed from the start.

The truth about infidelity is this: cheating is never about you. It’s not about your worth, your body, or your ability to keep someone’s attention. In reality, cheating is rooted deep within the cheater’s own unresolved pain.

Understanding why people cheat is the first step toward healing after betrayal. Let’s uncover the real reasons together.

 

The Biggest Myth About Infidelity

One of the most damaging myths about cheating is the idea that people stray because “something was missing” at home. Many betrayed partners are left feeling blamed for their spouse’s decision to cheat.

The reality?

People don’t cheat because of what they are (or aren’t) getting at home.People cheat because they are avoiding themselves and their own emotional pain.

Infidelity is a maladaptive coping mechanism. It’s an attempt to run away from inner wounds, unresolved trauma, shame, fear, and insecurity.

Why People Cheat: Pain and Avoidance

Cheating is not about sex, passion, or excitement. It’s about avoiding uncomfortable emotions and escaping from deep psychological pain.

When facing feelings like shame, failure, fear of aging, or unresolved childhood wounds, a psychologically healthy person will seek support, self-reflection, and healing tools like:

Therapy or coachingJournaling or mindfulnessConnection with trusted loved onesSelf-care and emotional processing

A psychologically unhealthy person who doesn’t know how to meet themselves with compassion might instead seek external validation through infidelity.

Bottom line: Cheating is an act of self-avoidance, not a reflection of your value.

The Role of Validation and the Fragile Ego

Many people who cheat suffer from a fragile sense of self-worth. Often stemming from trauma, neglect, or emotional immaturity, they crave external validation to prop up their crumbling self-image.

Cheating offers them quick hits of affirmation:

“I’m still desirable.”“I’m still important.”“I’m still powerful.”

But this validation is fleeting and hollow. Instead of confronting their inner wounds, they use others to temporarily escape.

 

Understanding Is Not Excusing

Understanding why people cheat can bring incredible clarity and relief. But make no mistake: understanding is not excusing.

You are not responsible for their pain. You are not responsible for their choices. You are only responsible for your healing.

And here’s the most important truth: Betrayal is not where your story ends. It’s where your transformation begins.

Healing After Betrayal: Reclaim Your Power

Real healing goes beyond surviving the betrayal. It’s about:

Rebuilding your identity on your termsReclaiming your sparkle, worth, and confidenceLearning to trust yourself and your intuition again

You deserve a life that is vibrant, joyful, and whole.

 

Ready to start?

Download your free Betrayal Recovery Guide today and take your first empowered step forward.

You are

 

The post Why People Cheat: Uncovering the Real Reasons Behind Betrayal appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

Betrayal, Resurrection & Rebirth: What the Story of Jesus Can Teach Us About Healing From Infidelity

Betrayal is one of the most painful human experiences. Whether it’s infidelity, abandonment, or disillusionment, it shakes us to our core. It leaves us questioning everything—our worth, our judgment, our future. But what if betrayal isn’t the end of the story? What if, like in the most famous betrayal of all time, it’s actually the beginning?

Let’s talk about Jesus and Judas.

Whether or not you’re religious, the story of Judas betraying Jesus is deeply symbolic. It’s a betrayal by someone deeply trusted. Someone within the inner circle. The kiss in the garden. The arrest. The crucifixion. The agony of being abandoned and misunderstood.

But the real story isn’t about the betrayal itself—it’s about what happens next.

Jesus knew betrayal was coming. He even told his disciples that one of them would betray him. And when it happened, he didn’t lash out in rage. He didn’t seek revenge. When one of his disciples cut off the ear of a guard in defense, Jesus said, “Put away your sword.” He chose peace. He chose love. And he chose to move forward, knowing the betrayal was not the end—but the catalyst for resurrection.

That’s what I want you to consider: What if your betrayal is your beginning?

Why Betrayal Hurts So Much—and How It Impacts Your Identity

I’ve lived through betrayal. The kind that shatters your world and makes it hard to breathe. I wanted to scream. To expose. To make someone else hurt the way I was hurting. And I had every right to feel that way.

But then I realized something: That’s not who I am. I don’t create destruction. I create healing. I create meaning. Like Jesus, I had to decide—would I let this betrayal turn me into someone I wasn’t? Or would I let it be the spark that refined me into someone even stronger?

When we are betrayed, we’re cracked open. And in that opening is an invitation—not to become a victim or stay stuck in bitterness—but to rise. To grow. To resurrect.

Rebirth After Infidelity: Why You Must Break Open to Heal

Think about spring. Think about Easter eggs. Think about new life. What comes before birth? Cracks. Breakage. Discomfort. Whether it’s a seed splitting open, a chick pecking out of a shell, or a baby being born—it’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s necessary.

Rebirth doesn’t happen without a breakdown first. That’s the nature of growth. And it’s the same with betrayal. You can’t escape it cleanly or wrap it in a pretty bow. But you can move through it with purpose.

You can decide what kind of life you want to create now.

How to Reclaim Your Life After Betrayal: A Self-Worth Exercise

One of the first exercises I give my clients is deceptively simple: Write down 20 things you like about yourself. Your strengths. Your quirks. Your gifts. Then, write 20 things you want in a relationship—romantic or otherwise.

When you compare those lists, you begin to see something powerful. Am I asking for what I truly deserve? Am I honoring what I bring to the table? Often, we realize we’ve been living in relationships that don’t reflect who we are. And that realization is a gateway to transformation.

From those lists, we create affirmations:
“I desire honesty because I am someone who values truth.”
“I deserve emotional safety because I am deeply compassionate and tender-hearted.”
This isn’t fluff. It’s a roadmap back to yourself.

Because the real tragedy of betrayal isn’t the betrayal itself. It’s staying in the ashes and never letting yourself rise.

Why Healing After Betrayal Is Personal (And Powerful)

If you’re in the thick of it right now—still raw, still broken—please hear me: This story isn’t over. You may be in the crucifixion stage. You may be sobbing, numb, or paralyzed. That’s okay.

Just don’t stop there.

Don’t let your betrayal go to waste. Don’t let your gifts rot inside a shell you’re afraid to crack. Inside of you is wisdom, power, and sovereignty that are only being revealed now through this breakage.

You don’t have to see five years down the road. You just have to look in the right direction. You have to choose not to stay stuck. You have to believe, like Jesus did, that something greater is coming—and that your role in this story is not finished.

How to Grow Through Betrayal and Embrace a New Season of Life

Wherever you are in your healing journey, know this: You are not broken. You’ve been broken open.

And in the opening, something new can be born.

This betrayal may have pierced your heart, but that’s also where the light gets in. You are not defined by what was done to you—you are defined by what you choose to create next.

And that next chapter? It’s going to be powerful. It’s going to be meaningful. It’s going to be yours.

Ready to rise?Download your free Betrayal Recovery Guide and begin reclaiming your sparkle, one step at a time.

The post Betrayal, Resurrection & Rebirth: What the Story of Jesus Can Teach Us About Healing From Infidelity appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

Forgiveness is a Journey, Not a Destination How to Forgive After Betrayal and Reclaim Your Energy

Forgiveness is a Journey, Not a Destination

 

You’ve been hurt, victimized, or betrayed, and you feel awful. One moment you are crying so hard you are afraid that you’ll never be able to stop, and the next you are enraged and want to get revenge. But before any of your wicked plans come to fruition, you crumple into the sheer horror of your situation, followed by a bounce into resentment. In other words, you are all over the map! Your erratic behavior and wildly out-of-control emotions are perfectly normal. Yet, many of the people you talk to don’t take time to hold space for your emotions and catapult you straight towards forgiveness instead.

I don’t know about you, but thinking about forgiving my cheating husband was the last thing I wanted to hear about or think about for a long, long time! And neither should you. Here’s why.

 

What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is the voluntary letting go of resentment, the need for revenge, and other negative emotions. It’s the complete release of energy around the person or situation that hurt you and the move into indifference.

 

Why is Forgiveness Important?

Forgiveness is important because it frees up your energy. Just like when you first fell in love with a person, animal, hobby, or job, you started thinking about that person, animal, hobby, or job. You read about it, learned about it, studied it, spent money on it, and sacrificed other things you liked in favor of it. Love takes up time, energy, and resources.

But here’s the kicker: So does hate.

Forgiving someone means you no longer have any energetic attachments to that person or situation. It means that you are free to do as you want without interference–to use your time, energy, money, and resources on things you enjoy instead of things you don’t. Forgiveness is necessary because it moves you into indifference and frees you up. It has nothing to do with them.

 

Why Should You Forgive Your Cheating Partner?

The phrase, what you resist, persists, is true. Hate takes energy. Revenge takes energy. Bitterness, resentment, and vindictiveness take time, energy, and resources. Sadly, negative emotions rarely take you where you want to be. While you can use the betrayal as a fuel to fire you up and move you in a direction you want to go in, there is a stark difference between using it as a motivation and hanging on to the pain or actively tearing another person down and making their life miserable.

Let’s be frank. Energy is finite, and the more you waste on others, the less of it you will have for yourself. The betrayal has already hurt you. Isn’t it time to be selfish and take back your own energy?

 

Can You Ever Really Forgive an Affair?

Okay, so you are focusing on yourself (that’s good!) but can you ever really forgive an affair? I mean, come on! This was a major disruption, and truthfully, any trauma, you will never be the same again. What does that mean? Does that mean no?

Contrary to popular belief, forgiveness is not a magic cure-all for infidelity or betrayal. Nor is it a destination that brings you peace and serenity once you arrive. It means that forgiveness is a journey, not a destination, and that if you want to let go of the pain and move forward with your life, you will need to forgive again and again.

So, in one sense, no. The affair is a part of your life and your story and will never go away. But in another sense, yes, absolutely! Each time you forgive, you will be forgiving that person, situation, and ultimately yourself, at a deeper level.

How to Forgive Yourself After an Affair

Forgive yourself, what? I didn’t do anything wrong! No, you didn’t but in my experience, all forgiveness is self-forgiveness. All of us are fearful that we did something wrong, that others will judge us and think we did something wrong, even when we didn’t, and that we are somehow at fault for being not enough, or for being too much.

Then there’s the spiritual gunk and the belief that if we were just good enough in God/The Universe’s eyes, we wouldn’t be punished like this, and that life would have worked out for us. Yeah, it goes deep! Which is why, no matter what has happened, everyone secretly fears that it’s somehow our fault.

It’s not. Let go and forgive yourself!

How to Forgive Your Partner After an Affair

How? This one is simple: You have to decide that you want to forgive. You have to choose to forgive and let go, and put yourself and your well-being first and foremost in your life. That’s it. Once you do, the forgiveness process will flow automatically.

Four keys to forgiveness after an affair

Accept Unconditionally

The first step in the forgiveness process (after deciding you want to, of course!) is to accept that the affair happened unconditionally. No Monday-morning-quarterbacking the situation, no excuse, “but for” this, that, or the other thing, or “if only…” allowed. Just pure, authentic, and radically honest acceptance.

The affair happened. The person you loved and trusted more than anyone else hurt you. Took advantage of you. Lied to you. Put you at risk. Your most painful thoughts must be brought out into the light of day, revealed, and accepted.

Untangle Yourself

The second step in forgiving your cheating partner is in untangling yourself from their actions, beliefs, and behaviors. We are all autonomous beings. We all have free agency. We all make decisions, and we all must own our own choices and untangle ourselves from the decisions of others. After all, no matter what you did/didn’t do, or said/didn’t say, unless you took your cheating partner by the hand, led them to their affair partner, held a gun to their head, and said, “You better cheat!” none of this has anything to do with you.

Of course, you can healthily own your part (because there are so many parts…), but none of the blame is yours! Untangle, baby, untangle!

Have Empathy for the Process of Living

Life is hard, and living is messy. Pretty much everyone (except for those who have a bona fide mental health issue) does the best they can with what they’ve got, and pretty much everyone messes up a lot of the time. Which is why having empathy for the process of living is essential. It helps you understand that we are all imperfect beings, living imperfect lives, making decisions and taking action based on incomplete or erroneous information.

Having empathy for the process of living helps you release judgment and let go of ideas of right and wrong. Which enables you to stay out of self-righteousness and the idea that the affair was “done to you.” No, you are not at fault, but you are not perfect either. It doesn’t matter if any of your imperfections caused the affair or not. What matters is the recognition and realization that we are all flawed and make mistakes, and living is hard. Being empathetic to the living process helps you understand and cultivate compassion for everyone involved (including you) and move on.

“Package up” and Create Your Infidelity Story

Creating a narrative around your infidelity journey is essential if you want to forgive and move on. Before any kind of forgiveness can be attempted, you must figure out exactly what you are forgiving. Until you have a story or a narrative around the affair, forgiveness is a moving target that can never be hit.

No, you don’t need to know every little detail, but you need to make sense of your situation the best way you know how. Whether it’s narcissism, trauma, addiction, ignorance, true love, validation, immaturity, or entitlement, you need to figure out your affair story so you can know what to forgive.

Above all else, remember that forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. To forgive is a choice only you can make, and the only person who benefits from forgiveness is you. You’ve been hurt enough. Could it be time to become “healthily selfish” and take back your energy, thoughts, feelings, and resources? Yes, you have to do it time and again, but in the long run, aren’t you worth it? I thought so!

The post Forgiveness is a Journey, Not a Destination How to Forgive After Betrayal and Reclaim Your Energy appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

Forgiveness is a Journey, Not a Destination

Forgiveness is a Journey, Not a Destination

 

You’ve been hurt, victimized, or betrayed and you feel awful. One moment you are crying so hard you are afraid that you’ll never be able to stop, and the next you are enraged and want to get revenge. But before any of your wicked plans come to fruition, you crumple into the sheer horror of your situation, followed by a bounce into resentment. In other words, you are all over the map! Your erratic behavior and wildly out of control emotions are perfectly normal. Yet, many of the people you talk to don’t take time to hold space for your emotions and catapult you straight towards forgiveness instead.

I don’t know about you but thinking about forgiving my cheating husband was the last think I wanted to hear about or think about for a long, long time! And neither should you. Here’s why.

What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is the voluntary letting go of resentment, the need for revenge, and other negative emotions. It’s the complete releasing of energy around the person or situation who hurt you and moving into indifference.

Why is Forgiveness Important?

Forgiveness is important because it frees up your energy. Just like when you first fell in love with a person, animal, hobby, or job, you started spending a lot of time thinking about that person, animal, hobby, or job. You read about it, learned about it, studied it, spent money on it, and sacrificed other things that you liked in favor of it. Love takes up time, energy, and resources.

But here’s the kicker: So does hate.

Forgiving someone means that you no longer have any energetic attachments to that person or situation. It means that you are free to do you without interference. To use your time, energy, money, and resources on things that you enjoy instead of things you don’t. Forgiveness is important because it moves you into indifference and frees you up. It has nothing to do with them.

Why should you forgive a cheating partner?

The phrase, what you resist, persists, is true. Hate takes energy. Revenge takes energy. Bitterness, resent, and vindictiveness all take up time, energy, and resources. Sadly, negative emotions rarely take you where that you want to be. While you can use the betrayal as a fuel to fire you up and move you in a direction that you want to go in, there is a stark difference between using it as a motivation and hanging on to the pain or actively tearing another person down and making their life miserable.

Let’s be frank. Energy is finite, and the more of it you waste on others, the less of it you will have for yourself. You’ve already been hurt by the betrayal. Isn’t it time to be selfish and take back your own energy?

Can you ever really forgive an affair?

Okay, so you are focusing on yourself (that’s good!) but can you ever really forgive an affair? I mean, come on! This was a major disruption and truthfully, life any trauma, you will never be the same again. What does that mean? Does that mean no?

It means that, contrary to popular belief, forgiveness is not a magic cure-all to infidelity or betrayal. Nor is it a destination that brings you peace and serenity once you arrive. It means that forgiveness is a journey, not a destination, and that if you want to let go of the pain and move forward with your life, you will need to forgive again and again and again.

So, in one sense, no. The affair is a part of your life and your story and will never go away. But in another sense, yes, absolutely! Each time you forgive you will be forgiving that person, situation, and ultimately yourself, at a deeper level.

How to Forgive Yourself

Forgive yourself, what? I didn’t do anything wrong! No, you didn’t but in my experience, all forgiveness is self-forgiveness. All of us are fearful that did something wrong, that others will judge us and think we did something wrong, even when we didn’t, and that we are somehow at fault for being not enough, or for being too much.

Then there’s the spiritual gunk and the belief that if we were just good enough in God/The Universe’s eyes, we wouldn’t be punished like this and that life would have worked out for us. Yeah, it goes deep! Which is why no matter what has happened, every one of secretly fears that it’s somehow our fault.

It’s not. Let go and forgive yourself!

How to forgive after an affair

How? This one is simple. By deciding that you want to forgive. You have to choose to forgive and let go, choose to put yourself and your well-being first and foremost in your life. That’s it. Once you do, the forgiveness process will flow automatically.

Four keys to forgiveness after an affair

Accept Unconditionally

The first step in the forgiveness process (after deciding that you want to, of course!) is to unconditionally accept that the affair happened. No Monday-morning-quarterbacking the situation, no excuse, “but for” this, that, or the other thing, or “if only…” allowed. Just pure, authentic, and radically honest acceptance.

The affair happened. The person you loved and trusted more than anyone else hurt you. Took advantage of you. Lied to you. Put you at risk. Your most painful thoughts must be brought out into the light of day, revealed, and accepted.

Untangle Yourself

The second step in forgiving your cheating partner is in untangling yourself from their actions, beliefs, and behaviors. We are all autonomous beings. We all have free agency. We all make decisions, and we all must own our own decisions and untangle ourselves from the decisions of others. After all, no matter what you did/didn’t do, or said/didn’t say, unless you took your cheating partner by the hand, led them to their affair partner, held a gun to their head, and said, “You better cheat!” none of this has anything to do with you.

Of course, you can healthily own your part (because there are so many parts…) but none of the blame is yours! Untangle baby, untangle!

Have Empathy for the Process of Living

Life is hard and living is messy. Pretty much everyone (except for those who have a bona fide mental health issue) does the best they can with what they’ve got and pretty much everyone messes up a lot of the time. Which is why having empathy for the process of living is essential. It helps you understand that we are all imperfect beings, living imperfect lives, making decisions and taking action based on incomplete or erroneous information.

Having empathy for the process of living helps you release judgment and let go of ideas of right and wrong. Which helps you stay out of self-righteousness and the idea that the affair was “done to you.” No, you are not at fault, but you are not perfect either. It doesn’t matter if any of your imperfections caused the affair or not. What matters is the recognition and realization that we are all flawed, we all make mistakes, and living is hard. Being empathetic to the process of living helps you to understand, cultivate compassion for everyone involved (including you) and move on.

“Package up” and Create Your Infidelity Story

Creating a narrative around your infidelity journey is essential if you want to forgive and more on. Before any kind of forgiveness can be attempted, you must figure out exactly what it is that you are forging. Until you have a story or a narrative around the affair, forgiveness is a moving target that can never be hit.

No, you don’t need to know every little detail, but you do need to make sense of your situation the best way you know how. Whether it’s narcissism, trauma, addiction, ignorance, true love, validation, immaturity, or entitlement, you need to figure out your affair story so you can know what to forgive.

Above all else, remember that forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. To forgive is a choice that only you can make, and the only person who benefits from forgiveness is you. You’ve been hurt enough. Could it be time to become “healthily selfish” and take back your energy, thoughts, feelings, and resources? Yes, you have to do it time and again, but in the long run, aren’t you worth it? I thought so!

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How to Release Trapped Emotions & Recalibrate Your Energy After Betrayal

Have you ever felt like betrayal or infidelity has left you feeling completely broken, as if every part of you—mind, body, and soul—has been compromised? If you’re struggling to regain your confidence and joy after a devastating betrayal, know that you are not alone. The journey to healing is deeply personal, but it’s also incredibly transformative.

In today’s episode of Flaunt, we dive into the power of energy healing with Nicola Energy, an intuitive energy expert specializing in releasing trapped emotions and recalibrating subconscious beliefs. For many, betrayal hits on all levels—physical, emotional, and mental—leaving a lasting impact that goes beyond just the surface. Nicola shares how understanding the energy within and around us can be a powerful tool in navigating the healing process.

 

What is Energy Healing?

Energy is all around us. From the vibrations within our bodies to the thoughts we carry, everything we experience can be understood through the lens of energy. As Nicola explains, everything—from our physical bodies to our emotions and thoughts—is made of energy. And when we experience trauma or betrayal, those emotional charges can get trapped within us, disrupting the flow of our energy and leaving us stuck in a negative loop.

Imagine trying to move forward in life with a heavy weight on your shoulders, even when you’ve cried and processed the hurt. Sometimes, it’s not enough to just talk it out—we need to address the energetic blockages that prevent us from fully healing. That’s where energy healing comes in. By tapping into these deep-rooted energies, we can release trapped emotions, reset subconscious beliefs, and allow ourselves to move forward with a renewed sense of freedom.

 

Releasing Trapped Emotions: A Step Toward True Freedom

What happens when emotions don’t have a chance to release properly? They get trapped. Whether it’s anger, fear, or sadness, these emotions can lodge themselves into our energy field, causing us to feel stuck or overwhelmed. For those who’ve experienced betrayal, this trapped energy often manifests physically—sometimes in the form of tightness, discomfort, or unexplained pain.

Nicola explains that trapped emotions are simply vibrations of energy that haven’t been processed or allowed to move freely. When we don’t acknowledge or release these emotions, they can stay with us, influencing our decisions, thoughts, and even our relationships.

But there’s hope. By consciously releasing these trapped emotions—through practices like grounding, breathwork, and energy healing techniques—we can recalibrate our emotional and mental states. This process allows us to step into a space of unconditional love, self-trust, and freedom.

 

Recalibrating Subconscious Beliefs for Lasting Change

After betrayal, many of us may subconsciously believe we aren’t worthy of love or happiness. These beliefs often stem from past trauma and are deeply ingrained in our subconscious. Nicola emphasizes that affirmations alone won’t be enough to shift these beliefs unless we address the emotional energy beneath them. That’s why energy work is so powerful—it works at the energetic level, helping us align our thoughts, emotions, and physical bodies to our true desires.

When we shift our energy to a place of self-love and acceptance, we start to attract different experiences and relationships into our lives. Nicola’s work helps recalibrate these subconscious beliefs, allowing us to release limiting patterns and embrace the truth that we are worthy of love and happiness, no matter what we’ve been through.

 

How to Begin Your Healing Journey

Healing from betrayal isn’t easy, but it’s possible. Start by acknowledging the emotions you’re feeling—don’t suppress them or try to “move on” too quickly. Allow yourself to sit with the pain, but don’t let it define you. Ground yourself, breathe deeply, and consider working with an energy healer to release trapped emotions.

If you’re ready to take your healing to the next level, Nicola Energy offers transformative energy healing sessions that help you identify and release trapped emotions, reset your subconscious beliefs, and recalibrate your energy for a brighter future.

Remember, healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about moving forward with clarity, confidence, and a renewed sense of self. You are worthy of a life filled with joy, freedom, and unconditional love.

 

Take the First Step Towards Healing

If you’re ready to break free from the cycle of betrayal and start living your life with more freedom and joy, connect with Nicola Energy and explore the transformative power of energy healing. Visit www.nicola.energy to learn more and schedule a free clarity call today.

Get Lora Cheadle’s Betrayal Recovery Guide

If you’re ready to take your healing journey to the next level, download Flaunt’s free Sparkle Through Betrayal Recovery Guide. This comprehensive guide is designed to help you regain your confidence, enthusiasm, and joy after infidelity or betrayal, empowering you to create a life you love. Start today and reclaim your sparkle! Visit www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com to get your free guide now.

 

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Moving Forward After Infidelity—Reclaiming Your Power & Peace

There’s a moment after betrayal where everything feels upside down. Maybe it was the shocking discovery, the slow unraveling of trust, or the realization that the life you thought you had isn’t what it seemed. The weight of it all can feel unbearable—anger, sadness, confusion, and the endless loop of Why?

But here’s what I need you to know: No matter what has happened, you are not broken. You are not defined by someone else’s choices. And you are absolutely capable of reclaiming your confidence, your power, and your joy.

Here’s how you move forward—step by step, choice by choice.

Step 1: Forgive Yourself—You Did Nothing to Deserve This

Infidelity isn’t just about the betrayal of a relationship—it’s the betrayal of reality as you knew it. It’s easy to blame yourself, wondering what you could have done differently. But let’s be clear: Someone else’s choices are not a reflection of your worth.

Forgiveness starts with you. Not for them—for you. Forgive yourself for not seeing it sooner. For trusting. For believing. For trying to hold it together. None of that was wrong. None of it makes you less valuable.

You don’t have to rush the process, but you do need to stop punishing yourself for someone else’s betrayal. You deserve peace.

Step 2: Understand the Impact—Without Getting Stuck in the “Why”

It’s tempting to analyze why they did what they did. But the truth is, understanding their reasons won’t heal you. What will heal you is focusing on what happened and how it impacted you.

What changed in your life because of this?What emotions are coming up, and what do they need from you?What boundaries do you need to create moving forward?

Instead of looking for answers that might never come, shift your focus to rebuilding yourself. Rebuilding your confidence, your voice, your ability to trust yourself again.

Step 3: Rejoice in Choice—Because You Are in Control of Your Future

One of the hardest parts of infidelity is feeling like you had no choice. But while you couldn’t control what happened, you can control what happens next.

Every moment is a choice:

Choose to show up for yourself.Choose to set boundaries.Choose to rebuild your self-trust.Choose to focus on your healing, not their actions.

Healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others. But every step you take in honoring yourself is a step toward the life you deserve.

Step 4: Accept What You Can’t Control & Reclaim Your Power

You cannot change the past. You cannot change them. But you can reclaim your power.

Instead of focusing on the betrayal, focus on you. Your needs. Your desires. Your future.

You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going yet. You just have to take the next right step.

So, What’s Your Next Choice?

Infidelity may have shattered the old version of your life—but it doesn’t have to define the next chapter. This is your chance to rise. To rebuild. To remember who you are.

You are worthy of love, trust, and respect. And it starts with you.

What will you choose today?

The post Moving Forward After Infidelity—Reclaiming Your Power & Peace appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

Unlocking the Secrets to Healing Relationships After Betrayal with John Gray

Discover how understanding differences, leveraging hormonal biohacks, and effective communication can transform your relationship after infidelity or betrayal. This insightful information is based on the work of Dr. John Gray, author of the Men are From Mars Women are From Venus series. You can listen to the full podcast episode here: https://loracheadle.com/radio/the-chemistry-of-love-healing-betrayal-reigniting-desire-with-dr-john-gray/

Honor Your Unique Differences

When we’re hurting after betrayal, it’s so easy to expect our partners to act exactly how we would. But here’s the truth: every person is unique. Recognizing and celebrating these differences is the first step toward healing. Embrace that your partner isn’t a replica of you, and allow yourself to understand their way of feeling and reacting. After all, as Dr. John Gray has said for years, Men are From Mars, and Women are From Venus! This simple shift in perspective can set the stage for rebuilding trust and deepening your connection.

Embrace the Power of Your Hormones

It might sound surprising, but our bodies play a huge role in how we feel emotionally. Simple acts—a warm, lingering hug for eight to ten seconds—can flood our systems with oxytocin, easing stress and fostering closeness. When you feel that caring touch, your estrogen rises, creating a sense of safety and love. And for men, thoughtful gestures can boost testosterone, renewing their confidence. This natural biohack is a gentle reminder that small moments of affection can spark big changes in your relationship.

Bridge the Communication Gap

Healing isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about sharing your truth in a way that connects you with your partner. Sometimes, starting the conversation can be as simple as revisiting trusted relationship insights together. Instead of expecting immediate change, try exploring new ideas and shared experiences that validate both sides. Remember, every honest conversation is a step toward understanding and a reminder that you’re both committed to creating a loving future.

Navigate Emotional Cycles with Grace

After betrayal, it’s normal to get caught in a loop of hurt and disappointment. But holding on to that pain only keeps you stuck. It’s important to give yourself permission to feel all those emotions—and then gently guide them toward healing. Whether it’s writing down your feelings, seeking therapy, or simply talking it out, transforming pain into gratitude can gradually break those negative cycles. You deserve to move from feeling broken to feeling beautifully whole again.

Practical Biohacks for Reconnection

Everyday moments count. Whether it’s the simple act of fetching a glass of warm water or opening a car door, these little gestures are powerful. They’re your “five-minute wins”—small opportunities for your partner to show they care and for you to feel cherished. These thoughtful actions are not about grand gestures but about daily consistency. They remind you that even in the midst of pain, love is present in the everyday details.

Rebuild Trust and Cultivate Forgiveness

Trust isn’t rebuilt overnight, but it starts with honest reflection and forgiveness. Look within to see how you might have contributed to the challenges and invite your partner to do the same. For men, it might mean reconnecting with that inner strength and reclaiming confidence; for women, it could be about shifting focus from pain to gratitude. Embracing forgiveness—both for yourself and your partner—paves the way to a renewed sense of intimacy and hope.

Maintain Balance and Keep Growing

A healthy relationship is not about perfection; it’s about growth. It’s about celebrating the highs, learning from the lows, and cherishing the moments in between. Whether it’s a cuddle session on a quiet evening or a spontaneous act of kindness, these moments remind you that you both have the power to create a life you love. Balance comes from supporting one another while still honoring your individual journey. By nurturing this balance, you can truly flaunt who you are—even after betrayal.

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Escape Rooms & Affair Recovery: The Surprising Lessons That Can Set You Free

Last weekend, my mom, my daughter-in-law-to-be, and I took on an escape room together in celebration of my birthday. If you’ve never done one before, it’s an immersive game where you’re “locked” in a room and have to solve puzzles, uncover hidden clues, and crack codes to complete a challenge before time runs out.

I wasn’t sure how we’d do—after all, we’re three generations, with three very different ways of thinking. But you know what? We crushed it!

And as we navigated the room, frantically trying keys in locks, flipping objects over to reveal secret compartments, and calling out clues, I realized how much this experience mirrored the journey of affair recovery.

So many of the lessons we learned in that escape room are the same ones that will help you move forward after betrayal. Let’s break them down.

Sometimes You Don’t Know Why Someone Is Doing Something, But It Works. Trust the Process!

At one point, my daughter-in-law started messing with a random knob. It looked like nothing important to me, it looked like we needed three more knobs, actually, but she kept at it. A few moments later—click!—she figured out that the single knob was the key to a direction padlock, revealing a crucial clue.

In betrayal recovery, there are times when things don’t seem to make sense. Maybe you’re journaling, meditating, or doing deep breathing exercises, and you wonder, How is this going to help me heal? But then, one day, something shifts. You realize you’re feeling lighter. A piece of the puzzle clicks into place.

You don’t always have to understand why something works. Just trust that if you keep showing up for yourself, the answers will come.

Different Perspectives and Life Experiences Are Invaluable.

I would have gotten stuck on some puzzles without my daughter-in-law’s fresh perspective. And my mom? She saw things I never would have. Alone, each of us would have struggled. But together? We thrived.

Healing after betrayal isn’t something you have to do alone. In fact, trying to do it in isolation often keeps you stuck. That’s why support is so important—whether it’s a coach, a friend, a therapist, or a community of women who have walked this path before you. Sometimes, you need someone outside of yourself to show you the way forward.

No Matter What, Keep Moving!

This escape room had so many locks—padlocks, combination locks, even hidden locks disguised as furniture pieces. Sometimes, we had the right key but the wrong lock. Other times, we thought we had the correct combination, but nothing clicked.

Did we stop? No. We just tried something else.

Betrayal recovery is the same way. You might try therapy, but it doesn’t feel quite right. You might read books, but the insights don’t fully land. You might meditate but feel restless instead of peaceful. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means you need to try another key.

The worst thing you can do is get stuck and stop moving. If something doesn’t work, pivot. Try a different approach. Keep moving forward.

Have Fun & Celebrate Your Accomplishments!

When we solved the final puzzle and the door popped open, we cheered like crazy! And we should have—escaping a room full of mind-bending puzzles is a big deal!

Healing is full of tiny victories too. Maybe you went a whole day without obsessing over the past. Maybe you caught yourself before spiraling into self-doubt. Maybe you danced in your living room for no reason other than that it felt good.

Celebrate those moments! They are proof that you’re healing, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Your Escape is Inevitable—You Just Need to Keep GoingHere’s the truth: You are not trapped. The key to your healing is in your hands.

Just like an escape room, you don’t have to know all the answers right away. You just have to be willing to take the next step. And if you need a guide, a team, or a map, I’ve got you.

If you’re ready to move forward, my Rise & Reign program is here to support you. Click here to learn more and take your next step: https://loracheadle.com/rise-and-reign/

The door is waiting to be unlocked. You’ve got this.

With love and liberation,
Lora

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Finding Your Sexy After Infidelity or Divorce

Betrayal cuts deep. Whether it’s your partner’s full-blown sexual affair, porn use, or feelings of betrayal that crop up from losing a relationship you thought you’d have forever, the impact of betrayal isn’t just emotional—it’s physical, mental, and spiritual too. The shame of betrayal leads to thoughts that “You’re not enough,” and clouds your ability to see your beauty, power, and worth. But here’s the truth: you are enough, and it’s time to shed your shame and reclaim the radiant, sexy, unstoppable version of you that betrayal tried to dim.

Why We Feel Shame After Betrayal

First, let’s call it out: the shame you feel after betrayal isn’t yours to carry. But the messages we’ve absorbed about worthiness, relationships, and failure make it feel like it is. Society tells us that if our partner strays, it’s because we weren’t attractive enough, loving enough, or “good enough.” Lies. Betrayal is a reflection of someone else’s choices, not your value.

Shame sneaks in and feeds off your vulnerabilities, creating a cycle of self-blame and self-doubt. But guess what? Shame can’t survive when exposed to light, love, and truth.

Step 1: Name It to Tame It

Shame loves secrecy. It grows in the shadows of silence. One of the most powerful ways to release shame is to name it. Journal your feelings, speak with a trusted friend, or work with a coach who can help you unpack what you’re carrying. Say out loud, “I feel ashamed because…” and get specific. By naming it, you take back your power and start separating you from the experience of betrayal.

Step 2: Redefine Your Story

Betrayal changes the narrative of your life, but it doesn’t have to define it. When you release the shame, you take control of your story. You’re no longer “the wife who got cheated on” or “the woman who wasn’t enough.” You’re the one who survived. You’re the woman who learned how to rise. And you’re the woman who’s rediscovering her sexy, radiant self.

Reframing your story doesn’t mean ignoring the pain; it means honoring your resilience and using it as a springboard for growth. Write out your new narrative: “I am the woman who…” and let your strength and beauty shine through.

Step 3: Connect With Your Body

Betrayal can make you feel disconnected from your body. It’s like the home you once loved now feels foreign or broken. But your body is not the enemy. It’s the sacred vessel that carried you through this pain, and it’s time to reconnect with it.

Start small:

Move in ways that feel good—dance, stretch, or take a walk.Nourish your body with foods that make you feel alive and strong.Look in the mirror every day and say, “I see you, I love you, I’m proud of you.” Yes, it will feel awkward at first, but with practice, you’ll start to believe it.

Reclaiming your sexy is about more than appearance; it’s about feeling alive and confident in your own skin. Wear something that makes you feel powerful, not for anyone else but for you. Celebrate your body for what it is: a reflection of your unique, radiant self.

Step 4: Flaunt Your Flaws

Sexy isn’t about perfection. It’s about authenticity. The most attractive thing you can be is real. Flaunt your quirks, your scars, your humanity. They’re part of what makes you beautiful. When you stop trying to hide or fix yourself and start embracing who you are, you’ll realize you were sexy all along!

Practice self-celebration. Write a list of all the things you love about yourself—your laugh, your kindness, your creativity. When you catch yourself focusing on a perceived flaw, redirect your thoughts to the list. The more you focus on what you love, the more your confidence will grow.

Step 5: Give Yourself Permission to Shine

Betrayal can make you want to shrink, play it safe, and protect your heart from getting hurt. But the truth is, you deserve to shine! Give yourself permission to be seen and celebrated. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and reflect your brilliance back to you. Invest in yourself, whether it’s through a new hobby, self-care routine, or coaching program. The best revenge isn’t looking good for someone else—it’s feeling amazing for you.

The Magic of Reclaiming Your Sexy

Reclaiming your sexy is about more than feeling attractive; it’s about stepping into your power and living a life that lights you up. It’s about showing yourself—and the world—that betrayal doesn’t get the final say. You do.

You are vibrant. You are worthy. You are enough. The sexy, confident version of you isn’t gone. She’s just waiting for you to call her back into the light!

So, go ahead: release the shame, flaunt your flaws, and take up space. The world needs your sparkle. Most importantly, you deserve to feel sexy, radiant, and free. Because it’s not only about surviving betrayal—it’s about thriving beyond it.

 

Bonus! Empowering Lap Dance Tutorial: https://youtu.be/2jAl5z0FWKg

Do you want to feel sexy, strong, & reclaim your body? Check out my Empowering Lap Dance Tutorial that helps you reconnect with your body, process pain, and rediscover the confidence and strength that betrayal, shame, or life stress may have dimmed. It’s time to feel alive, sexy, and unstoppable again!

 

About: Lora Cheadle, JD, CHt is a betrayal recovery coach, attorney, and TEDx speaker who helps women heal from betrayal on an energetic and ancestral level so they can rise from the ashes, reclaim their identity and self-worth, stop patterns of betrayal from repeating, and reign as the sovereign queen of their own life. After being shattered by her husband’s fifteen years of infidelity, Lora knows firsthand the skills and strategies necessary to turn devastation into an invitation for healing, freedom, and joy.

She is licensed to practice law in California and Colorado, is a trauma-aware coach, clinical hypnotherapist, somatic attachment therapist, advanced integrated energy practitioner, and is certified to teach yoga, mindfulness, group fitness, and personal train. She is the author of the International Book Awards Finalist and Tattered Cover Bestseller, FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy, & Spiritual Self, It’s Not Burnout It’s Betrayal: 5 Tools to FUEL UP & Thrive, and hosts the podcast FLAUNT! Create a Life You Love After Infidelity and Betrayal. She lives in Colorado and loves travel, adventure, and a good book.

Want More? Check out this Podcast on Getting the Spark Back After Betrayal Without Forcing It: https://loracheadle.com/radio/how-to-... :

 

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