Lora Cheadle's Blog: What Infidelity Taught me About Love, page 4

Is Betrayal a Divine Initiation into Your Sacred Feminine Heart? A Conversation with Alana Fairchild

Betrayal shakes us to our core. It dismantles the structures we once relied on and forces us into the unknown. But what if betrayal wasn’t just a wound to be healed, but an initiation into a deeper, more powerful version of ourselves? What if, rather than breaking us, it was guiding us toward our divine feminine wisdom?

In a recent conversation with the luminous Alana Fairchild, we explored betrayal as heart medicine—an initiation that invites us into profound transformation and self-discovery.

 

The Divine Feminine: A Wisdom Beyond Words

The divine feminine is not just an idea—it is a living, breathing intelligence that exists in all beings, both male and female. Alana beautifully describes it as a primordial love woven into the fabric of existence, showing up in the growth of nature, the presence of ancient goddesses, and the deepest longings of our hearts.

This intelligence is not confined to spiritual traditions; it resides within each of us. And when betrayal occurs, the divine feminine invites us to listen, to feel, and to trust that even in the darkest moments, something sacred is unfolding.

 

Betrayal as a Heart Initiation

Initiations are rarely gentle. They strip us of who we were and demand that we step into something new. Betrayal is one of the most painful initiations, one that makes it impossible to return to the way things were. The shattering is profound, yet within it lies the opportunity for rebirth.

As Lora and Alana discuss, the greater the betrayal, the greater the potential for transformation. This is not about spiritual bypassing or minimizing pain—it is about acknowledging that we have the power to use even our deepest wounds as fuel for something greater.

 

Choosing Your Path After Betrayal

Betrayal forces a choice: Will you remain in the pain, or will you allow it to birth something new? When we surrender to the wisdom of the heart, we begin to see that the end of one chapter is the beginning of another.

The divine feminine does not demand that we immediately move on, but rather that we honor our process. She invites us to trust that healing is not about forgetting, but about weaving our experiences into something beautiful and true.

 

The Wisdom of the Heart vs. The Mind

One of the most powerful distinctions Alana makes is between the wisdom of the heart and the wisdom of the head. While the mind often seeks logic, control, and certainty, the heart guides us in a different way—it speaks in emotions, intuition, and deep knowing.

When we are in the aftermath of betrayal, the mind wants answers. It wants to understand why and how to prevent future pain. The heart, however, asks us to trust. To listen. To create. It reminds us that even when life feels like it has collapsed, we have the ability to envision something new.

 

Navigating Emotional Healing

Healing from betrayal is not linear. There will be days of anger, sorrow, and disbelief. And that is okay. Alana reminds us that forgiveness cannot be forced. It is not an obligation, but an organic unfolding that happens as we move through our emotions with honesty and compassion.

This is where the divine feminine steps in—not to rush us, but to hold us as we navigate our healing. She whispers that we are not broken, that our pain is not a sign of weakness, and that we are allowed to feel everything fully before we rise again.

What if betrayal wasn’t just a wound to heal, but an initiation into a more powerful, awakened self? Discover how betrayal can guide you toward divine feminine wisdom, transformation, and growth in this powerful conversation with Alana Fairchild.

The Invitation to Rebirth

Betrayal is not the end of the story. It is an invitation to rediscover who we are. The divine feminine calls us to express ourselves in new ways, to embrace the full spectrum of our emotions, and to trust that even in destruction, there is creation.

Alana’s wisdom is a reminder that we are not alone in our healing. That within us is an intelligence far greater than our wounds. And that when we surrender to the process, we emerge not as victims, but as sovereign beings who have turned pain into power.

If you find yourself navigating betrayal, know this: You are in the midst of an initiation. And on the other side of this journey, something radiant is waiting for you.

 

Listen to the full episode here: https://loracheadle.com/radio/betrayal-as-divine-feminine-heart-medicine-with-alana-fairchild/

Watch the episode here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oq5THveXghY

Do you want support and guidance from someone who has walked the path of betrayal and come out stronger on the other side? Schedule your complimentary session with Lora here: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/complimentary-30-min-life-choreograpy-session

 

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Rebuild Trust and Transform Your Life After Betrayal

Betrayal can feel like the ultimate shattering of your world—whether it’s by a loved one, your body, or life itself. But here’s the truth: while betrayal can break you, it can also be the gateway to rebuilding yourself into a stronger, wiser, and more sovereign version of who you are meant to be.

At its core, betrayal isn’t just about what someone else did to you—it’s about reclaiming your power, redefining your worth, and deciding who you want to be on the other side. Lora Cheadle, betrayal recovery coach and author of FLAUNT! Drop Your Cover and Reveal Your Smart, Sexy & Spiritual Self, helps women move beyond the devastation of betrayal and reclaim their confidence, clarity, and joy. Her work, alongside insights from Dr. Debbie Silber, founder of the Post Betrayal Transformation Institute, makes it clear: betrayal isn’t the end—it’s an invitation to rise.

Why Trust Matters After Betrayal

When trust is shattered, it’s tempting to armor up and never let anyone in again. But trust isn’t just about other people—it’s about trusting yourself, your choices, and life itself. The biggest mistake most of us make is rushing to rebuild trust with others before learning to trust ourselves.

Lora’s FLAUNT! framework—Find Your Fetish, Laugh Out Loud, Accept Unconditionally, Navigate the Negative, and Trust in Your Truth—guides women in rebuilding from the inside out. Trust isn’t something you give away; it’s something you cultivate within.

Dr. Silber’s four-step process for rebuilding trust aligns beautifully with this:

Start Small: Trust in the constants—like the sunrise, your breath, and the unshakable core of who you are.Trust Your Gut: Reconnect with your intuition, your inner voice, the knowing that betrayal tried to silence.Trust Yourself: Keep promises to yourself, no matter how small. Your word, to yourself, is sacred.Extend Trust Slowly: Trust is earned, not blindly given. Only from a place of strength should you extend it again.Healing Isn’t Easy, But It’s Worth It

Betrayal has a way of keeping us stuck—stuck in anger, stuck in grief, stuck in the story of what happened. Dr. Silber’s research identifies five stages of healing from betrayal, and most people get stuck in stage three—survival mode—because it feels safer than the unknown.

But transformation happens when you choose to rise.

Lora teaches that healing from betrayal isn’t about getting back to who you were before—it’s about becoming something more. Just like the Rise & Reign framework she developed, healing is about stepping into your sovereignty, rewriting your narrative, and creating a life that honors who you are now.

Imagine a house leveled by a tornado. You could mourn its loss forever, or you could rebuild—stronger, more beautiful, and custom-designed for the person you’ve become. That’s the opportunity betrayal offers.

The Cost of Not Healing

Unhealed betrayal doesn’t just linger in your emotions—it embeds itself in your body, your mind, and your daily choices. Dr. Silber’s research shows the staggering effects of post-betrayal syndrome:

94% experience painful triggers.78% feel overwhelmed, stuck in endless mental loops about the betrayal.84% struggle to trust again.

Left unchecked, these symptoms can lead to chronic stress, illness, burnout, and emotional exhaustion. But when you heal—truly heal—you reclaim your personal power, your joy, and the ability to move forward with clarity.

Transformation Is Possible

Lora Cheadle and Dr. Silber both prove what’s possible when you choose to rise after betrayal. Whether you decide to rebuild a relationship or step into a new chapter on your own, the key is rebuilding yourself first. Trust doesn’t have to be patched together—it can be reborn, stronger than before, when it’s built on a foundation of self-worth, authenticity, and sovereignty.

Betrayal may have knocked you down, but it doesn’t get the final word. You do.

 

Listen to the full episode here:

Episode Title: Learn to Trust After Betrayal – with Dr. Debi Silber
Episode Number: 5 https://loracheadle.com/radio/trust-after-betrayal-debi-silber/

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Why Should I Meditate After Betrayal—And How Do I Begin?

Have you ever been so hurt that it shook you to your core—leaving you questioning everything about yourself, your worth, and your future? Infidelity and betrayal can feel like a tidal wave crashing through your life, destroying your sense of safety and identity. If you’re struggling to regain your footing, know this: healing is possible—and meditation can be your anchor in the storm.

How Meditation Helps You Heal from Betrayal

Meditation isn’t just about “clearing your mind” or sitting in silence. It’s a powerful tool to help you navigate the emotional turmoil of infidelity, rewire painful thought patterns, and reclaim your sense of self.

When you’ve been betrayed, your mind can spiral with obsessive thoughts like:

“If only I had seen the signs…”“What did I do wrong?”“Will I ever feel whole again?”

This mental chaos can be exhausting and keep you stuck in pain. Meditation helps you break free from the cycle of overthinking and refocus your energy on healing, rather than reliving the hurt.

How to Start Meditating for Betrayal Recovery

If you’re new to meditation (or feel too overwhelmed to even try), start small. The key is consistency, not perfection. Here are some simple steps to get started:

1. Find Everyday Meditation Moments

You don’t need to sit cross-legged for hours. Instead, look for small, mindful moments in your daily routine:
Take a deep breath before sipping your morning coffee.
Focus on the rhythm of your steps while walking.
Fully engage your senses while cooking or showering.

These tiny acts of presence can train your mind to focus on the now instead of dwelling on the past.

2. Shift Your Focus with a Healing Word

When painful memories creep in, choose a single word or phrase to bring yourself back to the present. Try:
Healing
I am enough
Peace

Repeat it silently or aloud whenever you feel overwhelmed. This simple practice reprograms your subconscious to focus on self-worth instead of self-doubt.

3. Learn to Let Go—Gently

Meditation teaches you to observe your thoughts without attaching to them. Instead of suppressing emotions, allow them to rise, acknowledge them, and let them drift away—like clouds passing in the sky.

It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, or lost. But those emotions don’t define you. Through meditation, you can learn to release what no longer serves you and make space for peace, clarity, and self-love.

Reclaiming Your Sparkle

Healing from infidelity is a journey, but you don’t have to stay stuck in heartbreak. With meditation, you can rebuild your confidence, rediscover your inner strength, and find joy again.

Start small.
Be patient with yourself.
Trust that you will heal.

Ready to take the next step in your healing journey? Download your FREE Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming the love, peace, and joy you deserve.

 

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Why Should I Meditate After Betrayal���And How Do I Begin?

Have you ever been so hurt that it shook you to your core���leaving you questioning everything about yourself, your worth, and your future? Infidelity and betrayal can feel like a tidal wave crashing through your life, destroying your sense of safety and identity. If you���re struggling to regain your footing, know this: healing is possible���and meditation can be your anchor in the storm.

How Meditation Helps You Heal from Betrayal

Meditation isn���t just about ���clearing your mind��� or sitting in silence. It���s a powerful tool to help you navigate the emotional turmoil of infidelity, rewire painful thought patterns, and reclaim your sense of self.

When you’ve been betrayed, your mind can spiral with obsessive thoughts like:

“If only I had seen the signs…”“What did I do wrong?”“Will I ever feel whole again?”

This mental chaos can be exhausting and keep you stuck in pain. Meditation helps you break free from the cycle of overthinking and refocus your energy on healing, rather than reliving the hurt.

How to Start Meditating for Betrayal Recovery

If you���re new to meditation (or feel too overwhelmed to even try), start small. The key is consistency, not perfection. Here are some simple steps to get started:

1. Find Everyday Meditation Moments

You don���t need to sit cross-legged for hours. Instead, look for small, mindful moments in your daily routine:
Take a deep breath before sipping your morning coffee.
Focus on the rhythm of your steps while walking.
Fully engage your senses while cooking or showering.

These tiny acts of presence can train your mind to focus on the now instead of dwelling on the past.

2. Shift Your Focus with a Healing Word

When painful memories creep in, choose a single word or phrase to bring yourself back to the present. Try:
Healing
I am enough
Peace

Repeat it silently or aloud whenever you feel overwhelmed. This simple practice reprograms your subconscious to focus on self-worth instead of self-doubt.

3. Learn to Let Go���Gently

Meditation teaches you to observe your thoughts without attaching to them. Instead of suppressing emotions, allow them to rise, acknowledge them, and let them drift away���like clouds passing in the sky.

It���s okay to feel hurt, angry, or lost. But those emotions don���t define you. Through meditation, you can learn to release what no longer serves you and make space for peace, clarity, and self-love.

Reclaiming Your Sparkle

Healing from infidelity is a journey, but you don���t have to stay stuck in heartbreak. With meditation, you can rebuild your confidence, rediscover your inner strength, and find joy again.

Start small.
Be patient with yourself.
Trust that you will heal.

Ready to take the next step in your healing journey? Download your FREE Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com and start reclaiming the love, peace, and joy you deserve.

 

The post Why Should I Meditate After Betrayal���And How Do I Begin? appeared first on Lora Cheadle.

What Does Your Future Hold? Creating a Vision for Yourself After Betrayal

Have you ever wondered how to move forward after being shattered by betrayal? Maybe you���ve asked, ���How can I rebuild when everything I believed in has crumbled?��� You���re not alone. And more importantly, you���re not powerless.

When betrayal strikes���whether from a partner, a friend, or even your own body���it cuts deep. It shakes the core of who you are, your worth, and the future you imagined. Betrayal forces you into a vulnerable place, where you question every choice and every step that led you here. But within that brokenness lies a profound opportunity to rise up and reign as the divine sovereign queen of your life.

I know, because I���ve been there too. While the journey is tough, it���s also your chance to uncover and create the life you���re truly meant to live: intentional, fulfilling, and uniquely yours.

 

Are You Living by Default?

Many of us start life with big dreams and aspirations. We envision a career, a family, and a future built on our deepest desires. But as time goes on, the demands of life take over. Between work, relationships, and societal expectations, we slip into autopilot. We do what���s expected. We survive. Then, when betrayal jolts us awake, we realize we���ve been living by default, going through the motions without truly choosing our path.

As painful as this realization is, it���s also an invitation to stop surviving and start creating. To consciously design a life that���s aligned with who you are today���not who you were or who someone else thought you should be.

 

Creating a Vision Beyond Pain

When I was in the depths of betrayal, my turning point came when I asked myself, What do I want my life to look like going forward? Not the life I had built around everybody else���s dreams and expectations, but one rooted in my truth, my values, and my desires.

That vision became my north star and guiding light. Even when the pain felt unbearable, the idea that I was on my way to a better future gave me hope. You don���t need all the answers or a fully formed vision right now. You simply must embrace the possibility that something more is out there���no matter how distant it may seem���that can fuel and empower your healing.

 

Building Your Path: 5 Steps To Transform Your Life After Infidelity

Rebuilding my identity, reclaiming my life, and rediscovering my self-worth was a process. A process that I turned into the FLAUNT! Framework. Not only did these five steps help me rebuild, but they saved my life. I know they can help you too:

Find Your Fetish ��� Rediscover the joy in life���s small pleasures. So often, we���re so focused on others or the roles we���re expected to play that we lose sight of what lights us up. Take time to experiment. Try new activities, revisit old passions, and allow yourself to reconnect with joy. Whether it���s joining a class, exploring a hobby, or savoring a quiet moment, let yourself feel alive again.Laugh Out Loud ��� Laughter may feel impossible at first, but it���s a powerful release. Watch a comedy, call a funny friend, or attend a stand-up show. Laughter reminds us that even in the darkest times, light can find its way in.Accept Unconditionally ��� Acceptance doesn���t mean agreeing with or excusing the betrayal. It means acknowledging it as part of your story and choosing not to let it define you. When you accept what happened, you take back control of your narrative and your future.Navigate the Negative ��� Pain and challenges are inevitable, but they don���t have to consume you. A resilient mindset helps you face obstacles without catastrophizing. When difficult emotions arise, remind yourself that they are temporary and that you have the strength to move through them.Trust in Your Truth ��� This is about rediscovering who you are, what you stand for, and what you want. Your worth is not determined by someone else���s actions. Trust that your truth, your integrity, and your resilience are more than enough to build the life you deserve.Choosing to Thrive After Betrayal

With betrayal comes a choice: to let the experience embitter you or to use it as a stepping stone toward growth and fulfillment. By setting boundaries, redefining your dreams, and embracing your power, you can transform pain into purpose.

Today, I know who I am and what I want. I know that betrayal doesn���t diminish my value or strength; it clarifies it. My hope for you is that you find this same clarity���that you choose to create a life that celebrates who you are and allows you to shine without the weight of betrayal.

If you���re ready to take that step, I invite you to book your complimentary Betrayal Recovery Coaching Session at: https://calendly.com/loras-schedule/complimentary-30-min-life-choreograpy-session or to download your Betrayal Recovery Tool Kit at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com Because life after betrayal isn���t just possible; it can be beautiful.

 

Want more? Listen to the podcast on Creating a Life After Betrayal Here: https://loracheadle.com/radio/what-do...

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Why the Pain of Betrayal Cuts So Deeply

The pain of betrayal is unlike any other. It���s deeply personal because it comes from someone you trusted and loved. Trust is at the core of any meaningful relationship, and when that trust is broken, it shakes your very foundation. But here���s a crucial thing to remember: betrayal is about the choices of the person who betrayed you, not about you. Untangling yourself from their actions is the first step in rediscovering your own worth.

Let���s be clear: it���s perfectly normal to feel hurt, angry, and even ashamed. Healing starts with honoring those feelings, not dismissing them. When we acknowledge that betrayal wasn���t our fault, we take the first step toward reclaiming our self-worth.

 

Step 1: Reclaiming Your Power Through Self-Care and Boundaries

Healing doesn���t mean erasing the pain���it means learning to manage it. Start by creating a recovery plan that helps you build back trust and confidence in yourself. This plan might include small self-care routines, like a morning walk or a nourishing meal. By setting daily intentions, you create structure and rebuild control, which betrayal often takes away.

These small steps help rebuild trust in yourself, and soon, you���ll find that your confidence grows along with your self-worth.

 

Step 2: Grieve Fully and Let Yourself Feel All Emotions

The healing journey isn���t quick. Betrayal wounds are deep, and recovery can take 18 months to two years. During this time, allow yourself to grieve. Don���t rush it���feelings of sadness, anger, and even hopelessness are natural. Grieving fully is essential to healing fully. Remember, emotions are temporary, and by moving through them, you gradually make room for joy again.

 

Step 3: Connect with Supportive People Who Understand

Healing from betrayal can be isolating, especially when friends or family members don���t understand. Find those who do. Talking to someone who has been there provides a unique level of support and validation. These are the people who can sit with your emotions without judgment and let you be exactly where you are. Avoid toxic positivity; instead, find people who encourage authentic healing and self-compassion.

 

The essence of naked self-worth is valuing yourself for who you are���not for what others say or think. It���s about finding strength and sparkle, even after the worst betrayals. I call it naked self-worth because it���s about stripping down to who you really are, without the labels, roles, or expectations that we often cling to. When you trust your worth, you stop letting betrayal define you, and you create a life that feels deeply authentic.

Your journey after betrayal is just that���a journey. Healing doesn���t happen overnight, but it���s possible. Reclaim your sparkle, trust your worth, and know that you are far more than anyone���s actions.

For more support on this path, join my Betrayed to Brilliant community, or download my free Betrayal Recovery Guide at www.BetrayalRecoveryGuide.com . You���re not alone, and you have the power to rebuild a life you truly love.

Listen to the Podcast on Why the Pain of Infidelity Hurst so Badly here.

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Does Your Life Fit You? Navigating Life After Infidelity & Betrayal

I had an ugly-cry meltdown on Sunday.

I was packing for a week away at the beach, in celebration of my second book being completed, when it hit. Trying on bathing suits sent me into a full-blown, I hate my post-menopausal body spiral, followed by an, I hate my mind for being brainwashed by society that judging my own body is even a thought spiral.

And then, from my pile of discarded shorts, tanks, swimsuits, summer dresses, and sandals on the floor of my closet, the phrase, “It no longer fits” came to mind. But not in the way you might be thinking.

It’s not that my swimsuits don’t fit, they fit me fine; it’s more that they no longer fit who I am anymore.

Physically, I haven’t grown taller, shorter, or even gained (much) weight. It’s just that menopause has shifted my shape. I’m still me, but I look different now. Similarly, my life has shifted in the last six years. I’m not the same person I was pre-pandemic, pre-betrayal, or pre-empty-nesting. Of course, my clothes look different. They don’t fit who I am now.

This got me thinking about how many of the things I’m holding onto in my life still fit, but no longer fit me.

What has shifted in your life that’s altered who you are? What might you need to let go of or discard in order to embrace yourself as you are today? If you’re anything like me, you have less of a concrete answer and more of a generalized sense that something needs to change.

Like anything, it’s a process. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter, and if you need support that’s what I’m here for! In addition to one-on-one sessions, I offer three packages, so you can have me on retainer and by your side through your most challenging journey. https://loracheadle.com/affair-recovery-for-women-programs/

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Post-Betrayal Transformation – The Easter Story, Resurrection, & You!

The other day I was driving to a venue I had never been to before. From the middle of a random parking lot, with no building in site, Google Maps announced, “you have arrived” to which I responded in frustration, “No, actually I have not!”

Although I eventually found my way to the proper venue, it made me think about the glorious moments of transformation we often seek but rarely find and how, when we do arrive, it’s not always as glorious as we thought it would be.

How many times have you achieved a milestone and felt strangely let down?Or after all that work, nothing really changed?Could it be that satisfaction lies in the journey, and not in the destination?

Last week, using the Stations of the Cross as an example, I shared a story about the journey of transformation and how the resurrection itself (the moment of transformation) wasn’t even an official station. Because transformation, no matter how stunning, only takes place in the present moment. Leaving you instantaneously in a space of, what’s next?

Going back to the Easter story, the actual resurrection was a private, quiet, and intensely personal moment that took place in a cave. There was no fanfare, no award, no stage lights, or adoring fans. It happened internally and was over.

What mattered most was the journey towards that moment of transformation, and the journey after transformation. The transformation itself was merely a brief, internal shift. A stopping off between journeys. What matters most, is what happens next.

How different would the Easter story be if the resurrection was the end of the story? Jesus Rose! He did it! Woot-woot! The end. What is most important is the journey before and the journey after.

If you are currently seeking your own transformation, what would it be like to focus on the joy of the journey leading up to transformation, and on what you are going to do after your internal transformation? What would it be like to stop thinking of the transformation as the moment of glory?

It’s my guess that both the journey to and the journey from would be a lot more fulfilling. After all, where would I be if I had focused on my supposed “You have arrived!” transformation and stayed in the empty parking lot with no buildings in site?

Let me walk by your side through your betrayal recovery journey. Learn more about the ways I can help you by clicking HERE.

 

Want more? Listen to my podcast Post-Betrayal Transformation – The Easter Story, Resurrection, & You!

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Understanding the Betrayal Recovery Journey – How to Heal Betrayal Trauma Part 1 of 3

With Easter and spring approaching, I wanted to share a three-part story about rebirth and the journey to resurrection. Too often, when we think about transformation, we think only of the glorious moment of rebirth and not about the arduous journey that gets us there.

When really, the journey is the most important part.

For reference, think about the Stations of the Cross. Whether or not you are Catholic or believe in Jesus is irrelevant. If you heard a story about Santa Claus, you’d understand the reference whether you celebrated Christmas or believed in Santa. The traditional Stations of the Cross are a series of images that depict Jesus’s journey on his way to be crucified.

They are as follows:Jesus is condemned to deathJesus takes up his CrossJesus falls the first timeJesus meets his MotherSimon of Cyrene helps Jesus carry the CrossVeronica wipes the face of JesusJesus falls for the second timeJesus meets the women of JerusalemJesus falls for the third timeJesus is stripped of his garments (sometimes called the “Division of Robes”)Jesus is nailed to the CrossJesus dies on the CrossJesus is taken down from the CrossJesus is laid in the tomb

Each station is about the difficulties and the joys encountered along the way. The Resurrection isn’t even included as an official station! Because it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.

Knowing that the journey will be filled with sorrow and joy, what can you do to find peace, confidence, clarity, and support along the way?

First, you can normalize struggling and falling. When you expect to struggle and fall, hard times feel less personal and are easier to recover from.

Second, you can choose how you want to feel along the way. You can choose to be frustrated and angry by the length or difficulty of the journey, or you can choose to be accepting and calm.

If you are currently in transition and need help finding clarity, confidence, and peace along the way, I can help. My newly released ​Affair Recovery Program ​is what you need. ​In it, you will learn simple strategies for processing heavy or painful emotions, figuring out what you want going forward, and staying calm and centered in even the most difficult of times. ​

​Learn more about this 90 day self-guided program right here.​

I’ll be posting two more blogs this month that are focused on transformation, showing up differently, even when those around you encourage you to stay the same, and most importantly, on successfully maintaining your transition for the long term and becoming exactly who you want to be!

Keep your eyes open because you will not want to miss them, and Happy Journeying!

 

Remember to catch Part Two here, and the corresponding podcast episode, Post-Betrayal Transformation – The Easter Story, Resurrection, & You!

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Inner Peace After Infidelity or Betrayal

Infidelity and betrayal are two of the most disruptive experiences that humans can go though because of the way they shatter both your sense of self and and your sense of what’s real. Because of this, finding your balance and restoring your sense of inner peace become a top priority. Here’s how to do that so you can heal.

What Blocks You From Inner Peace?

We live in a world where very few people know how to find or sustain inner peace. Where we are encouraged to project and defend ourselves and our decisions. Think religion, politics, and the recent COVID pandemic. How often are you encouraged to “other” those who believe differently on masks, vaccines, abortions, border protection, or Israel, and how often are you encouraged to step into your common humanity with others?

When you are settled and comfortable in yourselves and what is important to you, there is no need to climb on a soap box, project your beliefs to others, or try to sway somebody’s opinion. Nor is there a need to defend yourself to those who think or believe differently. You simply are. That OK-ness is inner peace.

 

Three Simple Habits and Practices to Find and Sustain Inner Peace

 

REST

 

As anyone who has been tired knows, when you are tired, you have less capacity. But did you know that many of the things we think of as rest, do not provide rest?

 

The Difference Between Rest and Distraction

Rest leaves you feeling energized and enthusiastic. Distraction leaves you feeling OK enough to return to your work, but in a resigned kind of way. Worse, it causes you to crave more distraction! Distraction numbs you out and disconnects you from yourself, your feelings, or your life. Rest fills you up and provides you with the energy needed to sit with yourself, your feelings, or your life. Rest returns you to the essence of who you are.

Common distractions include:· TV (Netflix and chill)· Having a drink to relax, a dessert to reward, or snacking· Social media, browsing the internet, or watching YouTube· Playing video games· Goofing around with your phone· Checking email incessantly· Getting overly involved with other people’s lives or gossiping· Shopping· Over-working· Multitasking as a way of life

Think back to when you were a kid and got lost in play. When you were absorbed in a craft, playing, dolls, or reading a book. Hours could go by without you even being aware that time was passing. You were unselfconscious and free! Rest frees you from the need to project or defend who you are.

Examples of rest include:· Meditation/mindfulness· Yoga, stretching, exercise, dance· Breathwork· Reading· Sauna / hot tub / taking a bath or shower and enjoying it· Massage, self-touch· Taking Nap· Listening to music, and really listening and taking notices of it.· Creating art (painting, pottery, coloring, photography, wood working, decorating the home, etc.)· Being in nature, looking at animals, trees or water· Engaging in hobbies, especially solo activities where you are NOT competing!· Watching a sunset, sunrise, or the starsHow to Learn to Rest

Get a sheet of paper, draw a line down the missile. On the left, write Distraction, and on the right, write, Rest. For the next 30 days, note how you feel after you do something “to rest.” Are you doing things that provide distraction, or are you really allowing yourself to rest? It you are anything like me, you will be shocked (and a little horrified) at how little rest you are getting and how distracted you are keeping yourself!

 

STILLNESS

 

Stillness is the ability to stop, be, and literally do nothing. The biggest barrier to stillness is mistakenly believing that the longer we are still, the better benefits we will receive. The second biggest barrier to stillness is believing that we can drop straight from activity to stillness without somatically processing our thoughts and emotions first. Before we talk about how to cultivate stillness, let’s talk about why you need stillness.

 

Why You Need Stillness

One of my favorite bible verses is “Be still and know that I am God.” That verse teaches us that when we are still, we know. We know who we are, who we are not, and what to do next. Being still shifts your perspective, grounds you to reality (as opposed to illusion) and returns you home to yourself. Doing nothing is actually the most productive activity you will ever undertake because when you know, you no longer waste time or energy projecting or defending who you are.

 

How to Begin a Stillness Practice

Select a time and a location and commit to a daily stillness practice. Give yourself between one and three minutes to take a breath, notice your body, and ask yourself, “What is getting in the way of me being perfectly still right now?” The answer will either be something physical, emotional, or mental. Next, ask yourself “What do I need to do to take care of that barrier right now?” It might be writing yourself a quick reminder; allowing yourself a moment to scream, cry, or laugh; or standing up and doing some somatic processing. Dance, bounce, shake your arms, or get yourself something to drink or eat. Sit back down again and repeat this process two more times, asking yourself these questions and taking care of your needs each time.

Now that you have taken care of the movement, you are ready for stillness! For just a moment, stop. Suspend everything and let yourself be in nothingness. Even if it’s just the space between your inhalation and your exhalation. That’s stillness. That’s all it takes!

Once you have learned how to rest and how to be still, it’s time to begin the process of cultivating inner peace.

 

PEACE

 

Contrary to what you might think, peace is not something you receive, it’s something you are. Yes, you do need to project peace to receive it, but not in a performative way – in a being-ness way. You project peace because that’s who you are.

You are comfortable with yourself whether you are in crisis or despair because you are OK being not OK – because you know how to rest and be still in any situation. You are unselfconscious and you have compassion for yourself and others because you know that inner peace does not come from being finally free of troubles, (that’s never going to happen, sorry!) but comes from surrendering to the fact that you will never be free from trouble, conflict, or upset. Which ironically helps you navigate challenges more effectively and efficiently because of your calm and relaxed attitude and outlook, leading to more inner peace!

Know that inner peace is a journey, not a destination. You are a little boat being tossed around on the great ocean of life. Inner peace is knowing how to right yourself again.

 

When you lack peace, go through this list of questions so you can pinpoint what’s blocking your peace and right yourself again.Am I upset because I’m trying to control a person or situation that I have no control over? Remember that you have no control over anything except yourself! Usually this is the problem, right here!Am I feeling self-righteous, resentful, or judgmental? Do I need to forgive myself and others?Where am I right now? Am I in the future or the past? How can I stay focused on the here and now?Where am I with my thoughts and emotions? Am I projecting or vomiting on others? What can I do right now to go within and process and re-regulate myself?Am I in a loop that’s making me obsessive and crazy? How can I journal my thoughts and emotions and channel them into a story that has a beginning, middle, and end?Am I grounded and centered or am I spinning and out of control? What can I do right now to better connect me to Mother Earth and allow her to hold me?

This is a lot of deep work, I know! That’s what the fall is about. Going deep, letting go, and preparing for winter renewal.

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