Marc Lesser's Blog, page 15

Now What? Start with The Preliminaries

What a year! Unimaginable, unpredictable, immensely unsettling and challenging. Disease, radical separation, and death.
 

Many parts of the world remain in the throes of the pandemic. In the United States, we appear to be turning a corner. Change is on the horizon but it’s not clear; change to what, when, and how?
 

What now? During this time, of change and renewal, I’ve been reflecting on a set 59 practices that come from ancient Buddhist traditions that offer powerful and practical reminders for contending with change, with difficulty, and offer the possibility of a new and different approach to our lives.
 

The first of these teachings is called Train In The Preliminaries. During this time of great unknowns, in work and in our lives, it’s useful to see this period as a chance to start again, to begin anew — a time to start with the preliminaries.
 

These may appear as “spiritual” teachings but I think really they are human teachings, reminding us of the most basic truths that underly and influence who we are, how we work, how we lead, and how we live.

 

What are the preliminaries?

 

Maintain an awareness of the preciousness of human life.

It’s easy to not notice or forget — what are the chances, for any of us, to have been born in this human body, and to have the ability to notice. In some cultures it is thought that just being born human is enough; it’s like winning the lottery. Nothing else is needed. Can you feel it? Can you let in the preciousness of this human life?
 

Your actions matter. Your actions are important and indelible.

This is a powerful awareness in business, relationships, and all parts of our lives. A mentor of mine once called this the “rules of influence” — everything you do and everything that you don’t do has influence. Everything that you say and everything that you don’t say has influence.
 

A focus on self-importance causes suffering.

This practice suggests finding the sweet spot between confidence and humility as a way of finding greater happiness and supporting others.
 

Be aware of the reality that life ends; death comes for everyone.

Most of us have lots of strategies for avoiding the reality that our life will end. As one of the preliminaries it’s meant to encourage us to not wait, to live fully, now.
 

These practices were originally developed as ways to wake up, to be more aware and alive, and to be able to support and influence others with greater compassion. The need for these practices and these outcomes continues to be enormous.

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Why listening makes you a more compassionate leader

Listening may be one of the most underappreciated activities and skills, not only for leaders, but for everyone. It is central to all our relationships, and yet it generally receives surprisingly little attention.

In many of the trainings I’ve led, regardless of the industry, position, or culture of the participants, I find that people are stunned to discover the power of listening. And they are surprised to discover how rarely they truly listen — listen without interrupting, without planning the “right” or any response, just being fully present, without any agenda.

Listening to another person can take us out of the narrow, self-centered world that we often unknowingly create and open us to another person’s experience. This can shift our experience of ourselves and foster a connection with another person that fulfills the empathic ape’s need and longing for trust and openness.

Here are four different ways to listen:

Distracted listening — a very common form of listening. Instead of really listening, we are thinking of what we are going to say or how someone ’s words are impacting us.Listening for facts — listening to the content of what is being said.Empathic listening — listening for feelings. Not only paying attention to content but noticing what feelings are being expressed. We can grow in empathy when we try to get better at listening to others and to our own inner, subtle voices so this is a skill that is easily enhanced as we practice it.Generative listening — listening with curiosity and openness. Listening underneath and in between the words and feelings for clues as to what the speaker may be implying or moving toward. This form of listening sometimes arises as a feeling, image, or intuition. It is a way of helping another person see more clearly; it is not advice giving or problem solving.Try this…

Experiment with these four levels of listening:

Notice when you are not listening and when listening for facts.Experiment with empathic listening. How do you know what someone else is feeling? With a close friend or partner, you might explore asking what they are feeling as they are speaking.Explore generative listening. Coaches, consultants, and medical professionals do this regularly. Open yourself to listening between the lines, using your intuition. After voicing a feeling, image, or opening that you see, explore how this resonates with the person you are listening to.

Listening with your full attention, both to words and feelings, creates an environment of learning and going deeper, while building the connective tissue of trust and understanding.

We practice methods to listen empathically, generatively, and wholeheartedly in the workplace and in our relationships in my Seven Practices of a Mindful leader online course: a four-week deep dive into how mindfulness can make you a better, happier, more compassionate and more effective manager/entrepreneur/friend/parent/human being. You can learn more about this training here.

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Seven Core Mindful Leadership Practices

Culture eats strategy for breakfast.
— Peter Drucker

This famous quote by Peter Drucker, a world-leading business-management writer, teacher, and consultant, may be one of the most well-known and least-disputed aphorisms of business. It captures the truth that company culture is ultimately more important than business strategy for achieving success, and the wisdom of this statement has only become more relevant in today’s tumultuous business environment.

What makes up company culture? People. Human beings working together to solve problems. I sometimes call this the “dirty little secret” of the business world, one that’s easy to lose sight of in the midst of the daily pressures, anxieties, and busyness that so frequently overwhelm us. Business is people working together, and business success inevitably depends on how well we interact, collaborate, communicate, and care for one another. That’s the essence of what Drucker means.

I think we recognize this and I think this is what we search for, both in the workplace and in general in our lives. We want to create and be part of a supportive, positive culture — a culture of real trust and care, of transparency and integrity, of accountability and achieving results. This type of culture helps us as individuals and collectively to act with clarity, to not hold back, to show up as fully and completely as possible in all our relationships, to flourish and grow, to better serve others, and to reach our goals.

Achieving this isn’t easy. Being human isn’t easy. Working with others can be immensely challenging. Some difficulty always arises, whether that’s painful emotions, stress and uncertainty, budgets and deadlines, interpersonal conflicts, political and marketplace strife, or the unexpected obstacles that typically appear whenever we pursue meaningful work.

So what do we do? How do we create and sustain what everyone says we need?

I’ve always appreciated the corny joke about the out-of-town visitor to New York City who asks a stranger: “How do I get to Carnegie Hall?” Without hesitating, the stranger responds, “Practice, practice, practice.”

When people ask me, “How can I create a great organizational culture?” or “How can I be a mindful leader?” I’m always tempted to give the same answer: “Practice!” It’s somewhat humorous but true.

 

Here are seven core mindful leadership practices: 

Love the work: Start with inspiration, with what is most essential. Acknowledge and cultivate aspiration — your deepest, most heartfelt intentions.Do the work: Have a regular meditation and mindfulness practice. Learn to respond appropriately at work and in all parts of your life. Don’t be an expert : Let go of thinking you are right. Step in to greater wonder, openness, and vulnerability.Connect to your pain: Don’t avoid the pain that comes with being human. Transform pain into learning and opportunity.Connect to the pain of others: Don’t avoid the pain of others. Embody a profound connection to all humanity and life.Depend on others: Let go of a false sense of independence. Both empower others and be empowered by others to foster healthy group dynamics.Keep making it simpler: Let go of a mindset of scarcity. Cultivate awe and wonder. Integrate mindfulness practice and results.

 

What are the benefits of mindful leadership?

Mindful leadership cultivates a richness of experience; ordinary, everyday work can feel heightened, meaningful, and at times extraordinary.It removes gaps between mindfulness practice, work practice, taking care of people, and achieving results.It considers learning from stress, challenges, difficulties, and problems to be an integral part of the process of growth and not somethingto be avoided.It helps us recognize and work with contradictions and competing priorities to cultivate flexibility and understanding.It helps us experience timelessness, effortlessness, and joy even in the midst of hard work and exceptional effort.It can be applied to any activity to cultivate both confidence and humility.It embraces individuality and unity — everyone has a particular role and yet all make one team, supported by and supporting one another,practicing together.It considers true success twofold — in the character and compassion of the people and in the quality and results of the work.

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Mindful Wellbeing

These are amazing times. It feels like we are on so many edges – life and death, shifting consciousness, the health of our planet, political divisiveness…

So how do we avoid feeling overwhelmed and stuck? How can we cultivate mindfulness and well-being, while staying engaged and effective?

These were some of the topics and questions discussed during the recent Mindful Changemakers Summit. It may not have been obvious, but these interviews are available at any time. I’ve been watching them, and they are well worth the time! You can register for the Summit here.

A few takeaways from the Summit for me are:

If you change the metaphor, you can change your life. Sometimes simply reframing can have a dramatic effect.

Become a seed-planter. Decide what seeds/ideas you are planting. Then watch, water, and improve the soil. Be patient, aware, and nurture your ideas.

Try to be more like a scientist… and experiment!

And try on what it feels like to be an orchestra leader where you see the big picture while listening to every note! This is a practice I often suggest to leaders and managers, and it can work for anyone, as a way of being more proactive, and more responsible. Regardless of our work and roles, we all lead our own lives.

Most importantly, be compassionate with yourself, and with others.

Being aware of our metaphors and replacing unhealthy language with healthy and supportive language can help us stay more present, kind, and curious.

I keep coming back to a few lines of poetry by William Stafford where he says:

“Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now?

Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?”

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Wholeheartedness

“The antidote to exhaustion isn’t rest. The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness.”
–David Whyte

There are at least two kinds of exhaustion. The “good” kind is when we feel well-used, like at the end of a full workday, or any activity, when we’ve been fully engaged, where our intentions and actions are mostly aligned. I usually feel great and tired at the end of these days and love the feeling of being “well spent” – a good kind of exhaustion.

The other kind of exhaustion is when your intentions, feelings, and your activity are out of alignment. It’s interesting that the word that is translated as “suffering” in Buddhist texts is the Pali word “dukkha” which literally means “a wheel out of alignment.” A wheel out of alignment results in the journey being more difficult and extremely unsatisfactory. A journey with a wheel out of alignment can be exhausting and stressful. Stopping and resting can provide temporary relief but doesn’t solve the essential out of alignment problem.

Wholeheartedness may be a more practical and actionable way to practice with or adjust alignment. Of course, this practice begins by noticing where we are out of alignment, where we are not feeling wholehearted in our work, relationships, or any part of our lives.

How can we cultivate alignment, and more wholeheartedness?

Practice!

Start by noticing. What activities feel wholehearted and what could use more alignment?

Listen. See if you can listen without distraction and without reacting or blaming. I invite you to check out the upcoming Mindful Changemakers Summit for a series of inspiring conversations that focus heavily on the power of listening as a means to cultivate greater understanding and healing, while also inspiring compassionate action. It’s got an incredible line up of speakers – learn more here.

Meditate. Mindfulness and meditation practice could be described as the practice of cultivating wholeheartedness. The activity of stopping and sitting, and simply noticing the breath with a sincere effort is itself wholehearted activity. What does it feel like when you bring yourself fully to just being with your body, breath, and feelings?

Work. Our work can be a useful and important place to practice wholeheartedness. A good place to start is noticing where we are out of alignment or not wholehearted. At work this can show up as cynicism, blame, stress, and many other forms of dissatisfaction. These can all be signals that there’s work to do to be more aligned or wholehearted.

The beautiful thing about the practice of wholeheartedness is that it’s always available, everywhere. We can be wholeheartedly grumpy, grieving, joyful, bored, or loving. We can be wholeheartedly resistant, afraid, or inspired.

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Video: 7 Practices of a Mindful Leader Interview with Arbor Online

Marc Lesser speaks with Arbor Online about his latest book Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader and the benefits and possibilities of integrating mindfulness into the world of business. You can watch the conversation below.

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Video: 7 Practices of a Mindful Leader Interview

Marc Lesser speaks with Arbor Online, committed authors in bringing mindfulness into our lives and our society, about his latest book “Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader” and the possibility of integrating mindfulness into the world of business. You can watch the conversation below.

The post Video: 7 Practices of a Mindful Leader Interview appeared first on Marc Lesser.

Getting Unstuck

There are probably endless variations of feeling stuck. One common variation for me is when I need to write “book worthy” or even “newsletter worthy” content. Setting this kind of high bar can be debilitating, and can suck all the enjoyment out of a task. This feeling has many names – in the Zen world it’s sometimes referred to as “comparing mind” or “sinking mind.”

For me, in writing, and in most ways where I feel stuck, the antidote is to:

– notice that I’m stuck and be curious about the feeling
– do something by taking some action, no matter how small
– return to or clarify my most basic intention

When I’m stuck in my writing, it’s usually a really interesting, annoying, and sometimes painful feeling. I start by noticing — ah, I’m stuck! How interesting.

As a small action to take, something that works for me is to let myself write freely, without judging, without comparing good or bad. I’ll name a prompt, and just write for twelve minutes. Some of my favorite writing prompts are:

– What surprises me about my life right now…
– My father’s desk…
– When I grow up… (yes, really!)
– What annoys me is…
– What brings me alive is…

Either on a piece of paper or using a computer, put the prompt at the top of the page, set a timer for 12 minutes, and just write. Minimize planning, thinking, or comparing. Let yourself be surprised by what arises and where you go. I remember writing with the prompt “My father’s desk…” which began with the words: My father didn’t have a desk. This then led me to remember a summer I spent assisting my father at his work as an electrician, in central New Jersey, when I was about 13 or 14 years old.

It can further help me get unstuck when I can do this exercise with another person or with a group, where I can share what I’ve written and listen to what others have written. This is powerful in many ways. It gets me out of my “stuckness” when I see how common my concerns and problems are. Listening and sharing with another person or a group takes me outside of my comparing mind. Listening to others helps me see that being stuck is part of the human condition, as is freedom, acceptance, and creativity.

What further helps me get unstuck is the act of taking action, in the form of enrolling others to write with me, to read, and to listen. Small actions are potent ways to get unstuck.

Of course, writing is only one specific place to get stuck. We can get stuck in endless ways, such as in our work, leadership, relationships, meditation practice, in anything that really matters to us, or in life in general. Just stuck.

Whatever the form or condition, just notice, without beating yourself up, what it feels like to be stuck. Where in the body do you feel it? What is there to learn from this feeling?

Then, do something. Even a small experiment of writing, reading, talking with another person. Taking action isn’t meant as an avoidance strategy. Just the opposite. Acting can be a way of exploring, learning, and experimenting.

Buddhist practice encourages us to return to a single intention in order to free the mind. The feeling of being stuck can be a symptom or result of too many intentions and motivations that conflict with one another. We humans can be rather complicated creatures. One way through these conflicts and complications is to return to your most basic intention and your most basic motivation, whatever that might be. For example, your most basic intention might be to develop your awareness, or to heal yourself and heal others, or to return to and grow your most basic, original creativity, freedom, and wisdom.

So, next time you’re stuck:

– Notice and appreciate and learn from your experience.
– Do something, experiment and explore; take some small action.
– Return to your most basic intention. What really matters to you, right now?

Some resources:

Creativity In Business by Michael Ray and Rochelle Myers – written 30 years ago for a Stanford Business School class, a classic.If you’re a writer, check out these writing workshops with my friend Roger Housden.Here’s another writing workshop with Ann Randolph.

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Interview: Rx Chill Pill

Marc Lesser speaks with Dr. Juna Bobby on the Rx Chill Pill podcast about his latest book “Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader” and discusses one of the most important leadership skills to develop in the business world — “compassionate accountability”.

You can listen to the conversation below.

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Interview: The Rx Chill Pill

Marc Lesser speaks with Dr. Juna Bobby on The Rx Chill Pill podcast about his latest book “Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader” and discusses one of the most important leadership skills to develop in the business world — “compassionate accountability”.

You can listen to the conversation below.

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