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The Broken Heart – Part 1

The Broken Heart – Part 1
Matters of the Heart Series

All of us have experienced failure and hurt of some sort in our lives, some kind of heartache.

We have had to face our own inadequacies, inabilities–yes, our own sinfulness. Jeremiah 17:9: “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked.” If we are shocked at another person’s sin, we’ve never really seen our own sinfulness.

 We make poor decisions.
We experience a breakdown in communication with the people we love, and the misunderstanding breaks our heart.
We fail in the goals we had set forth for our lives.
We lose someone we love through death or divorce.
We are in a broken marriage. It may be “together” on the outside, but on the inside it’s broken emotionally.  Maybe your spouse has had, or is having an affair, and you are hiding it. Maybe you had an affair, or wanted to. Maybe you had an emotional affair, but it was devastating to your marriage nevertheless.
We deny what we believe by the way we act. That’s hypocrisy — the number one allegation against the church. Peter Lord says, “We practice daily what we really believe. All else is religious chatter.” We don’t live what we profess. We live what we actually believe. And when we see the hypocrisy in our own lives, it breaks our hearts.
We do the one thing we said we would never do. Often our failures occur in the area of our greatest strength.
We have traumatic memories with which we have to deal.  Abuse – physical, verbal, emotional, sexual.  Rape.  Molestation.  Incest.
We have so much pride it paralyzes us.
We have given in to what we knew was wrong or sinful, or we have given in to less than the best for ourselves.
We realize we are not spiritually superior. We struggle with sin and human failure just like everyone else.
We have suffered from the slings and arrows of slander or criticism.
We have had a rebellious child, and that child was raised “right.”
Our parents were less than they should have been. Maybe you don’t even know who your natural parents are. You may feel you were an “accident.”
We’ve failed in our calling to be Jesus in our world.
We struggle with rejection, low self-esteem, depression.

We have all experienced the anguish and/or hurt of a broken heart and failure at one time or another. The great servants of God – Abraham, Moses, David, Paul – they all dealt with failure of one kind or another. Abraham gave his wife to Pharoah; Moses was a murderer; David was an adulterer and a murderer; Paul was a murderer; Peter denied Jesus.

All of us are going to suffer a broken heart and/or failure. What we need to learn is how to allow God to use our failures, our inadequacies, our inabilities for His glory. (Tweet this!) How to turn what Satan meant for evil around to His good in our lives.

In his book, “Inside Out” Larry Crabb says, “We all fall – if we never fail we would never experience the absolute reliability of His grace.” There are aspects of the Lord’s nature we will never experience until we are forced to face our own inadequacies, sinfulness, inabilities, helplessness, etc. We will never fully experience His love and compassion, or His forgiveness if we never fail or hurt.

What are you dealing with today?  We are all dealing with something, past or present.  Or we will. You can count on it. The question to ask is not “Why me?”  but “Why not me?”

Write down the times your heart has been broken and present it to the Lord. Give that broken heart to Him to heal it and give you the courage to move forward. The point at which you have been broken and then healed is the point at which God will use you. (Tweet this!) Next week we will look at how Jesus deals with failure and a broken heart.

I would love to hear stories of how the Lord has healed you of a broken heart and used your trials for good. Please share below.

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31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage #10 – Uncontrolled Anger

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#10 Uncontrolled Anger

Anger is a toxic, destructive emotion. When I was growing up, anger in our home was always just below the surface waiting to bubble up and explode, like a volcano rumbling in the distance. We never knew when it would erupt or what would cause the physical outburst. I can remember having severe stomach cramps as a young child because of the tenuous situation at home, and how, as a teenager, I would stay away from home as much as I could. Our home was not a pleasant, productive, emotionally healthy or safe place to be.

In the October 27, 1997, issue of Archives of Internal Medicine, the question was raised, “What specific personality characteristic causes physical illness?”  The answer—anger. Furthermore, it is generally agreed in the medical field that holding in anger causes stress and physical illness. 

Anger held in, anger handled improperly, develops into a root of bitterness, which we’ve already addressed. Anger is an emotion we all experience and is not in and of itself wrong. How we respond to it is the key. (Tweet this!)

We become angry when our expectations are not met. When we become angry about something, whether it is because dinner is late or because one of the spouses feels betrayed, it needs to be addressed and dealt with. And the goal is to reach understanding. A few ground rules might help.

“Help me to understand,” spoken softly and with a desire to reconcile accomplishes volumes. We should never attack our mate — emotionally or physically — no matter how angry we are.
Treat each other with honor and respect.
Take the time you need to discuss the issue. Never bury the problem thinking it will go away. It won’t. It will simply fester into bitterness. That’s why the scripture says, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Eph. 4:26). Don’t let it build up. We are not equipped to handle it. Harboring anger takes a toll on us psychologically and physically. (Tweet this!)
Offer and accept forgiveness.

 

Healthy marriages know how to work through hard issues, even when we are angry. (Tweet this!)

Do you find anger a difficult issue to deal with in your marriage? Do you and your husband or wife handle anger differently? Have you tried the method of beginning a conversation with ‘help me to understand’? What other methods have you used when one or both of you is angry to find genuine resolution and reconciliation?

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The Listening Heart – Part 2

The Listening Heart – Part 2
Matters of the Heart Series

 Recognize His voice.  – How does God speak?

One of my favorite birthday cards has a svelte, classy-looking woman on the front, which says: “How do you stay so young and fit?” Upon opening the card, inside is a frazzled woman in sweats and tennis shoes, saying, “And don’t tell me diet and exercise. I tried that for an hour and it doesn’t work!”

1. He speaks through the Word. However it takes spending time in the Word–meditating, memorizing to know what he is saying to you. We can’t just spend 5-10 minutes a week in the Word and expect to hear what God’s voice is saying to us on a consistent basis. (Tweet this!) We must be saturated in the Word to be able to recognize his voice, hear the nuances and inflections in His voice. He will never violate his word, but we must know what the Word teaches. I’ve always been intrigued by people who will argue a point in Scripture without having studied it. They’ve heard a teaching, or they’ve heard someone say something, or they cling to a tradition without really knowing the Word.

2. He speaks gently. In I Kings 19 Elijah is fleeing for his life from the wrath of Jezebel. He was pouting actually, feeling sorry for himself because he thought he was the only one left in the land who loved God. He came to a cave and looked for God to speak to him in a mighty wind, but the Lord was not there. Then came an earthquake. Surely God would thunder forth in the earthquake. But God was not there either. After the earthquake was a fire, but God was not there. The Amplified says, ” … and after the fire a sound of gentle, stillness and a still, small voice. … And behold, there came a voice to him and said, ‘What are you doing here, Elijah?’” Soft, gentle.

I Samuel 3: 1-10.  Samuel thought Eli, the priest, was calling him. I don’t think it was in a loud, booming, deep, resonant voice that scared Samuel to death. It must have been soft and gentle for a young boy to have responded to it so eagerly. (An interesting point: Samuel was ministering in the house of the Lord yet he didn’t know the Lord. That’s just food for thought.)

3. He speaks inwardly. – Psalm 40:8 – “I delight to do Your will, O my God; yes, Your law is within my heart.” The Holy Spirit speaks to the believer’s spirit. Romans 8:16 says, “The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit, that we are children of God.” It is in our spirits that we hear God speaking to us.

4. He speaks through circumstances. Romans 8:28 tells us that “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purposes.” God arranges circumstances in the life of the believer to bring about his purposes. (Tweet this!) Not all circumstances are pleasant, but God will bring good out of them if we are following him in obedience.

5. He speaks through fellow believers.  “In the multitude of counselors there is safety.” Proverbs 11:14 (Amp). God will give us wise counsel through other believers.

God give us listening hearts!

What are some things you’ve learned in your journey of desiring to hear God clearly? Which of the ways listed above feels most familiar to you? What do you think of the story of Elijah where God speaks softly and gently and begins by asking Elijah a question?

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31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage – #9 – Failure to Launch

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#9 Failure to Launch

Managing to launch one’s life and establish a home and family is difficult these days in our economy. Many parents find their children returning home after college, even with a spouse and children. To depend on one’s parents for a short time is not necessarily a bad thing, but to let it develop into a lifestyle is detrimental not only to one’s marriage, but to the family unit as a whole. (Tweet this!) The lines of authority and responsibility become blurry. Privacy issues crop up. Discipline of children becomes difficult. The development of the husband and wife relationship is stilted by the very strong emotional ties that are normally present between parents and children, no matter the age.

In Matthew 19:3-6, Jesus addresses divorce and the issue of leaving and cleaving. The two are closely related. To leave means to break away from a dependent relationship in order to form a new relationship. When a husband and wife come together to become one flesh, the old relationship of being under the authority of the parents is left behind. The Hebrew word for leave actually means to abandon, to leave behind, to forsake. The parents move from being in authority over the child to a position of counsel.

“Cleave” means to “stick like glue” to another. It can only be accomplished after leaving. I heard someone say that most marriage problems are either a matter of leaving improperly or cleaving improperly. (Tweet this!) When I first heard the remark, I was not sure that generalization could be made across the board. However, in our experience, my husband and I find that it certainly is a major issue. I asked a friend who is a marriage and family therapist if he agreed with the allegation. He thought for a moment and then answered in the affirmative. He agreed that many marital problems sprout from this root topic of leaving and cleaving improperly.

Leaving and cleaving is God’s pattern for the husband/wife relationship. Although sometimes difficult, God’s way is always best.

Where in relation to your marriage have you found it difficult to draw healthy boundaries with your parents or children? What pitfalls do you see in this cultural phenomena where so many young married couples return to live with their parents? What benefits do you see in following Jesus’ instructions to leave and cleave?

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The Listening Heart – Part 1

 THE LISTENING HEART – Part 1

Matters of the Heart Series

God give us listening hearts.

“He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” (Matthew 11:15 NASB)

Multiple times in Scripture we have the admonition given above. From those words of Jesus, we gather that there is more to listening than simply hearing the words. In the Amplified we find the verse stated this way, “He who has ears to hear, let him be listening and let him consider and perceive and comprehend by hearing.”

Solomon must have understood that there is more to listening to God than simply hearing. He prays in I Kings 3:9, “So give Your servant an understanding mind and a hearing heart to judge Your people, that I may discern between good and bad.” Solomon asked for a listening heart.

Let’s get practical…first of all, how do we listen?  How do we develop a listening heart?

We must start at the beginning—when we very first heard his voice speaking to us. That time when we knew he was drawing us to himself and in our hearts, we said, “Yes.”

It is my opinion in the church of today that we don’t understand that saying “Yes,” to Jesus involves a call. We are called to be the people of God. It is more than simply believing in Jesus. Scripture tells us that the demons believe and tremble (James 2:19). Jesus’s most common invitation to people was “Follow me” (Matt 4:19). To follow Jesus involves obedience, not simply mental assent.

Take Abraham and Sarah for example. They were living in a large metropolitan city, Ur of the Chaldees. From what we can discern from Scripture they were wealthy, had lots of servants, a large household. Abraham comes home one day and says, “Guess what, Honey, we’re moving!” I can just hear the conversation.

Sarah looks at her husband, confused. “Moving? Where?”

“Well-l-l, I’m not really sure.”

“Why?”

“Because God told me to.”

“Which god?”

“Uh, I don’t know his name.” You see, they lived in a culture of many gods, and Jehovah God had not yet revealed his name.

How would you feel if your husband came home and made that announcement?  He listened to God, believed God and obeyed.  The call demanded action, and Abraham was willing to go. The call and the mission were inseparable.

In the same way today, when Jesus calls us, he calls us to mission, to destiny. His call is not simply to believe in Him and sit in church on Sunday mornings. Although those things are intrinsic to the Christian walk, it is only a small part of the call. God has plans for your life that depend on your obedience to His call. (Tweet this!) If you are willing to follow Him wholly and completely, get ready for the greatest adventure of your life. (Tweet this!) I guarantee it won’t simply be sitting in church on Sunday mornings.

The first part of developing a listening heart, really hearing God, is to understand that hearing God involves obedience. When we listen and hear Him and obey, then we are more able to hear Him the next time. (Tweet this!)

Do you understand what it means to be called—to be the people of God? Maybe you always thought it meant simply “believing in Jesus” or being the member of a church. Has this short lesson changed your perspective at all as to what it means to the “called”?  In what way has your thinking changed?

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends and subscribe to the blog by signing up below. You will receive my most popular recipe “Traditional Terrific Toffee” in your thank you email.

 

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