31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage – #9 – Failure to Launch

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#9 Failure to Launch

Managing to launch one’s life and establish a home and family is difficult these days in our economy. Many parents find their children returning home after college, even with a spouse and children. To depend on one’s parents for a short time is not necessarily a bad thing, but to let it develop into a lifestyle is detrimental not only to one’s marriage, but to the family unit as a whole. (Tweet this!) The lines of authority and responsibility become blurry. Privacy issues crop up. Discipline of children becomes difficult. The development of the husband and wife relationship is stilted by the very strong emotional ties that are normally present between parents and children, no matter the age.

In Matthew 19:3-6, Jesus addresses divorce and the issue of leaving and cleaving. The two are closely related. To leave means to break away from a dependent relationship in order to form a new relationship. When a husband and wife come together to become one flesh, the old relationship of being under the authority of the parents is left behind. The Hebrew word for leave actually means to abandon, to leave behind, to forsake. The parents move from being in authority over the child to a position of counsel.

“Cleave” means to “stick like glue” to another. It can only be accomplished after leaving. I heard someone say that most marriage problems are either a matter of leaving improperly or cleaving improperly. (Tweet this!) When I first heard the remark, I was not sure that generalization could be made across the board. However, in our experience, my husband and I find that it certainly is a major issue. I asked a friend who is a marriage and family therapist if he agreed with the allegation. He thought for a moment and then answered in the affirmative. He agreed that many marital problems sprout from this root topic of leaving and cleaving improperly.

Leaving and cleaving is God’s pattern for the husband/wife relationship. Although sometimes difficult, God’s way is always best.

Where in relation to your marriage have you found it difficult to draw healthy boundaries with your parents or children? What pitfalls do you see in this cultural phenomena where so many young married couples return to live with their parents? What benefits do you see in following Jesus’ instructions to leave and cleave?

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