31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage #10 – Uncontrolled Anger

31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage
#10 Uncontrolled Anger

Anger is a toxic, destructive emotion. When I was growing up, anger in our home was always just below the surface waiting to bubble up and explode, like a volcano rumbling in the distance. We never knew when it would erupt or what would cause the physical outburst. I can remember having severe stomach cramps as a young child because of the tenuous situation at home, and how, as a teenager, I would stay away from home as much as I could. Our home was not a pleasant, productive, emotionally healthy or safe place to be.

In the October 27, 1997, issue of Archives of Internal Medicine, the question was raised, “What specific personality characteristic causes physical illness?”  The answer—anger. Furthermore, it is generally agreed in the medical field that holding in anger causes stress and physical illness. 

Anger held in, anger handled improperly, develops into a root of bitterness, which we’ve already addressed. Anger is an emotion we all experience and is not in and of itself wrong. How we respond to it is the key. (Tweet this!)

We become angry when our expectations are not met. When we become angry about something, whether it is because dinner is late or because one of the spouses feels betrayed, it needs to be addressed and dealt with. And the goal is to reach understanding. A few ground rules might help.

“Help me to understand,” spoken softly and with a desire to reconcile accomplishes volumes. We should never attack our mate — emotionally or physically — no matter how angry we are.
Treat each other with honor and respect.
Take the time you need to discuss the issue. Never bury the problem thinking it will go away. It won’t. It will simply fester into bitterness. That’s why the scripture says, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Eph. 4:26). Don’t let it build up. We are not equipped to handle it. Harboring anger takes a toll on us psychologically and physically. (Tweet this!)
Offer and accept forgiveness.

 

Healthy marriages know how to work through hard issues, even when we are angry. (Tweet this!)

Do you find anger a difficult issue to deal with in your marriage? Do you and your husband or wife handle anger differently? Have you tried the method of beginning a conversation with ‘help me to understand’? What other methods have you used when one or both of you is angry to find genuine resolution and reconciliation?

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The post 31 Ways to Mess Up Your Marriage #10 – Uncontrolled Anger appeared first on Golden Keyes Parsons.